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Fun ~ ~ F A C T #15 When writing Red Battle #159, multiple typos resulted in the word 'NOSE' coming out as 'BIOS'. |
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Everything not back to normal... In Red Version mythology, Luke Skywalker died a long time ago. He was forced to continue his existence only in the Land of the Dead. However, when Garry Kasparov remade Red Version in his image, he forgot about the Land of the Dead. Now, it appears that Luke Skywalker (along with countless other dead folks) has a second lease on life. But why is he having difficulty making new memories? Color key: Narration / Dialogue Battle #159: Anonymous Room April 21, 2004 Location: An anonymous hotel room Player: Luke Skywalker [Record: 2-3-3] Parodies: Memento, Star Wars, Friends Season 2, Wave Version, Crocodile Dundee ...awake. I'm in a hotel room. Just an anonymous hotel room. I think maybe it's the first time I've been here but… probably not. Am I missing a kidney? ...nope. Where am I? YOU are in a HOTEL ROOM! Yes, clearly I needed a booming voice to inform me of that. NARRATOR is GLAD to be of HELP! Wait, I remember now… I was dead, wasn't I? I remember… I lived in the Land of the Dead. Or rather, I didn't live in the Land of the Dead. But now I am… alive? MORE like UNDEAD, but THAT is the NEXT BEST THING! That would explain my lack of a heartbeat. Still, I look pretty good for an undead guy. No rotting flesh. Do my Jedi powers still work? LUKE used THE FORCE! LUKE was FORCED to FALL OUT OF BED! Still works like a charm. CHARM appeared! CHARM used WORK! CHARM WORKED itself to DEATH on a MINIMUM-WAGE SALARY while TRYING to SUPPORT a FAMILY OF EIGHT! CHARM died! Narrator, remember that talk we had about you taking puns too far? Awww shucks, NARRATOR can't have ANY fun… Now, if only I could remember how I got here… MUFFLED SOUNDS are EMANATING from the CLOSET! Emanating? NARRATOR has WORD OF THE DAY TOILET PAPER! That's horrifying on at least three different levels. SOUNDS are getting LOUDER! Alright alright, geez… what is this, Wave Version? Let's see what all the commotion is about. LUKE used THE FORCE! CLOSET DOOR was FORCED to OPEN! BOUND AND GAGGED MAN with a BROKEN NOSE is SITTING in the CLOSET making MUFFLED SOUNDS! Well, there's something you don't see everyday. NARRATOR actually DOES see this EVERY DAY! Hey, whatever floats your boat Narrator. YOU better HOPE that YOUR BOAT FLOATS the NEXT TIME you're SAILING the HIGH SEAS! Maybe I should unbound this guy and see what he has to say for himself. LUKE's BIND wore off! What? BOUND AND GAGGED MAN is evolving! BOUND AND GAGGED MAN evolved into GAGGED MAN! GAGGED MAN ran away! Upon further reflection, I should have removed the gag instead of releasing the guy. Location: An anonymous hotel room, 10 minutes earlier Hey, a mini bar! LUKE SKYWALKER used THE S'MORES! Delicious! But why can't I remember anything from before finding this minibar…? Wait, why am I alive? UNBOUND AND UNGAGGED MAN appeared! Hey, what're you doing in my hotel room? UNBOUND AND UNGAGGED MAN: Your hotel room? UNBOUND AND UNGAGGED MAN wants to fight! You have no idea who you're dealing with buddy. UNBOUND AND UNGAGGED MAN sent out KNIFE! You call that a knife? This is a knife. Go! KNIFE LIGHT SABER! UNBOUND AND UNGAGGED MAN: Crap. Yes, and that's exactly what you'll be doing in a moment… in your pants. AFFLECK: I told you, I'm not putting on any pants. Stay out of this Affleck. I don't even know what you're doing here. AFFLECK: You said you needed my help! You know, I've had more rewarding friendships than this. Although, I do get to keep telling the same jokes… UNBOUND AND UNGAGGED MAN used STAB! Oh hey, I'm under attack. Knife Saber, break his nose! KNIFE LIGHT SABER used JEDI BREAK! UNBOUND AND UNGAGGED MAN's NOSE no longer FUNCTIONS! Alright, now to bind and gag him! LUKE used BIND! LUKE used GAG! AFFLECK: Well, my work is done. See ya later Luke. Wait, I-- AFFLECK ran away! --I guess I'll stuff this guy in the closet for now. Wow, that was exhausting. How long has it been since I've slept? Maybe a quick nap… LUKE fell asleep! NARRATOR played the POKé FLUTE! LUKE woke up! ...awake. I'm in a hotel room. Just an anonymous hotel room. Location: An anonymous hotel room, 10 minutes earlier Okay Affleck, remind me again why we're breaking into this anonymous hotel room? Because I keep forgetting. AFFLECK: You realize this is like the tenth time I've had to explain it. Have you also explained ten times why you're not wearing pants? AFFLECK: I am not putting on pants and that's that. Okay, so why are we here? AFFLECK: The guy who's staying here knows the reason why you can't make new memories. Also he holds the secret for curing your condition. And we're breaking into his hotel room. AFFLECK: He's not a good guy. He'll probably try to hurt you. I would think so, what with the breaking and entering and all. AFFLECK: Listen, I'm getting tired of explaining the whole thing over and over again. Trust me, okay? Do not believe his lies. AFFLECK: What? Hmm? Oh, nothing. Let's see what we got here. LUKE attempts to FORCE the LOCK! But, it failed! Darn door. AFFLECK: Luke buddy, you might want to try using the force. Ah, novel idea. LUKE used THE FORCE! LOCK was successfully FORCED! DOOR swung open! Hmm, looks fairly empty… I guess he's not here. AFFLECK: So now we must play the waiting game. Indeed. Hey, a mini bar! >> View/Post Comments on Battle #159 << >> Red Version Main Page (Battles 156-159) << >> First Red Version Archive Page (Battles 1-5) << Visit Pokebattles.com on Wednesday, April 28, 2004, for an all-new Red Version battle! Poké Battles and all original content © 1999-2004 ChronoWeb Publishing ~ Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate… leads to X-Box ~ |
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Red Version Battle Archives Battles #1-5 The Classics April 14, 1999 - May 12, 1999 Battles #6-10 The Evolution Chronicles May 19, 1999 - June 16, 1999 Battles #11-15 The New Trainers June 23, 1999 - July 21, 1999 Battles #16-20 Ultimate Rivalry July 28, 1999 - August 25, 1999 Battles #21-25 Trouble Brewing September 1, 1999 - September 29, 1999 Battles #26-30 Villains and Warriors October 6, 1999 - November 3, 1999 Battles #31-35 Slothian Takeover November 10, 1999 - December 8, 1999 Battles #36-40 The Fall of Sloth December 15, 1999 - January 12, 2000 Battles #41-45 A New Age January 19, 2000 - February 16, 2000 Battles #46-50 Grip of Death February 23, 2000 - March 22, 2000 Battles #51-55 Minor Wars March 29, 2000 - April 26, 2000 Battles #56-60 Doompuff's Rampage May 3, 2000 - May 31, 2000 Battles #61-65 Crossover Crisis June 7, 2000 - July 6, 2000 Battles #66-70 Hidden Identities July 12, 2000 - August 10, 2000 Battles #71-75 Narrator's Breakdown August 16, 2000 - September 13, 2000 Battles #76-80 Ominous Omens September 20, 2000 - October 18, 2000 Battles #81-85 Final Adventures October 25, 2000 - November 22, 2000 Battles #86-90 The Saga Concludes November 29, 2000 - December 27, 2000 Battles #91-95 A New World January 3, 2001 - January 31, 2001 Battles #96-100 Good & Evil February 7, 2001 - March 7, 2001 Battles #101-105 Homecoming March 14, 2001 - April 14, 2001 Battles #106-110 Rising Tensions April 22, 2001 - May 23, 2001 Battles #111-115 The Dusk Before May 31, 2001 - June 24, 2001 Battles #116-120 The Dawn July 24, 2001 - September 8, 2001 Battles #121-125 Infiltration Battles #126-130 Valkyrie Gambit October 31, 2001 - December 7, 2001 Battles #131-135 Infinite Justice December 13, 2001 - February 25, 2002 Battles #136-140 Fair Verona March 17, 2002 - April 10, 2002 Battles #141-145 Retrocession April 11, 2002 - April 17, 2002 Battles #146-150 Evil Roots April 18, 2002 - August 22, 2002 Battles #151-155 Nightmares October 31, 2002 - October 31, 2003 Red Version second main page |
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~ S I T E N E W S ~ Kasparov's folly… Garry Kasparov made one tiny mistake when he revived Red Version. He forgot to keep the dead characters dead. Now, the horrifying results of his misstep are becoming apparent. New battle posted to Red Version. [April 21, 2004 · Red Version] Network Update… Led by Ocean Version, Lavender, Lime, and Celery rise from The Nothing. Check out the Network Rankings to see this week's top Poké Battles fansites. [April 18, 2004 · Network] Fifth Anniversary… The Nothing has finally lifted from Red Version, and it now slowly begins to return to its former glory. For those of you who haven't read it yet, it's still available here. Also, if you haven't figured it out by now-- parts 3 and 4 of the fanfic are posted at Ocean Version. Today, Red Version Battle #158 has been posted, marking the beginning of Poké Battles' sixth year. You can expect regular weekly updates from here on out. [April 14, 2004 · Red Version] |
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Fifth Anniversary |
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On April 14, 1999, a story began. It was a story of a world governed by the rules of Pokémon. Then, in 2000, the Evil Rabid Jigglypuff of Doom appeared. After that, everything pretty much went to hell. Welcome to the world's favorite Pokémon parody. |
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Green Valkyrie |
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Written by Jason Ross :: Art by Min Kwon |