MAN WITH HOOK and DARKLUKE!  Please enter the arena!
Color Key: Game Text / Man With Hook's Dialogue / Luke Skywalker's Dialogue
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Woah, what happened to you, pal?
Lawnmower incident.
Wow, they don't kid around when they tell you not to stick your hands under there, do they?
Look, are we going to fight, or what?
You bet we are!  I had to make 13 phone calls to land this battle.
Really? That's weird, I didn't even have to apply.  As a matter of fact, they gave me my own limo ride here.
What? What else did you get?
Nothing, yet...but the writer promised me 50 grand if I win this tournament.
50 grand??  All he promised me is a stupid badge!
DARKLUKE is ANGRY!
I see your point, but maybe I'm new wave.  You know how fickle the viewing public can be… you weren't even in the newest Star Wars movie.
DON'T remind me!  I'll deal with that hack, Lucas, later for that fiasco.
DARKLUKE wants to fight!
Time to get a little respect around here...I am a master of the Dark Side, after all.
DARKLUKE sent out LIGHTSABER!
Slow down, I haven't even said I want to fight yet!
Well catch up, quick, I've got a feeling this battle may run long.
Y'know, I've been thinking...since you won't win any money for this tournament anyway, maybe we could...
No way.
I'll give you 30% of the cut.  You get the money, I get the glory, we'll both win.
A Dark Master never gives in!  Not for at least 50%, at least.
50%?  Now I know why you weren't in Phantom Menace.
MAN WITH HOOK wants to fight!
Say, does it bother you that neither one of us has any Pokémon?
What's a Pokémon?
MAN WITH HOOK sent out ATOM!
What's an Atom?
DARKLUKE used POKéDEX!
POKéDEX: AN ATOM IS THE SMALLEST PARTICLE OF
AN ELEMENT THAT CAN EXIST EITHER ALONE OR IN A COMBINATION.
But how could that be dangerous?
...
Better not take my chances.  This Atom is getting split!
LIGHTSABER used SLASH!
Missed!
It's too small to hit!  I can't even see it!
Hee hee...
MAN WITH HOOK sent out ATOM!
Another one?
ATOMS used NUCLEAR FUSION!
ONE-HIT KO!!
DARKLUKE EXPLODED!
AAARRGH!!
Woohoo!
MAN WITH HOOK wins!!
I'd better telephone my partner, and let him know that Stage One of our plan is complete...

MISSINGNO and STAR ELLIMIST!  Please enter the arena!
Color Key: Game Text / Missingno's Dialogue / Star Ellimist's Dialogue

MISSINGNO hung up telephone!
Hey, who were you just talking to?
Just, uh… people.  Say, you here to fight?
No, I'm here to discuss my financial plan.. of course I'm here to fight!!  Duh!
OK, OK.  Jeez, calm down.
For such a feared Pokémon, I have to say you're not living up to my expectations.  I was hoping for a ferocious catch, here.
Catch?  Hey, I thought we were here for a tournament!
Maybe the rest of you are, but I just wanted to catch me a MissingNo!  Now, c'mere!
STARELLIMIST wants to fight!
Most people don't react to me this way.  Running and screaming is what they usually do.  Time to put some fear into you!
MISSINGNO wants to fight!
STARELLIMIST sent out STARELLIMIST!
MISSINGNO sent out YOURGAMEFILE!
I must warn you, I'm practically undefeatable.  They don't call me "The Scourge of the Game File" for my StarCraft skills, you know.
Well they don't call me the scourge of, um, Ellimists for nothing, either.
STARELLIMIST used ELIMINATE!
It's super effective!
I'm impressed.  You do realize you just blasted your own game file, though?
Pidgeotun!  I...I Eliminated him!
Hahahaha!  Who's got it goin' on?  Me, that's who!
YOURGAMEFILE used RELEASE!
MIKE NELSON was RELEASED!
Hey, that was supposed to release Magikarp...where'd he go?
I don't know, but this guy won the last Blue Version Tournament, he must be good.  Hey, Mike, want to give me a hand here?
STARELLIMIST used ALLIANCE!
ALLIANCE failed!
With a big yawn, MIKE NELSON returned to the mountains!
Oh great!  And I lost my turn, too.
Nothing personal Star, but I've got to finish this now.  I'm needed in the final battle.
What's that supposed to mean?
Man with Hook and I have a little scam running.
Scam?
Yeah.  He caught me a while back, and knowing how powerful I am he ordered me to take you out while he nuked Dr. Spock over there.
Hmmm.
STARELLIMIST hmmms!
I think they heard me, genius.  But why would Hook want to do this?
So he'll get the $50,000 cash prize.
All I was promised is a stupid badge!  No fair!
YOURGAMEFILE used RELEASE!
BUTCH URRH was RELEASED!
You won't get away with this!  I'm telling!
BUTCH URRH: URRH, WHAT'S HAPPENING?
Quiet, both of you.  I've almost won, here.
YOURGAMEFILE used EJECT!
STARELLIMIST and BUTCH URRH were EJECTED from POKéMON forever!
MISSINGNO wins!!

The Final Battle
MAN WITH HOOK and MISSINGNO!  Please enter the arena!
Color Key: Game Text / Man With Hook's Dialogue / Missingno's Dialogue

Well done, MissingNo.  I must be an excellent trainer to have caught you, huh?
Actually, sir, you caught me while I was still in Farfetch'd form, then evolved me.  Remember?
Did I say you could talk?  Now sit there like a good Pokémon while I claw you to death and earn my prize money!
Not so fast!
Who're you?
The writer of this story, and I must say, this is out of hand.  Did you really think you'd get away with it?
Oh no, the writer!  How'd he catch on to my scheme?
Um, master...I think it might be my fault...
Something called an Ellimist told me.
MAN WITH HOOK is ANGRY!
BAD MissingNo!  BAD!!
MAN WITH HOOK swats MISSINGNO's nose with a rolled-up magazine!
Now kill him, my slave!  Kill this fool, and the money is ours!
(Uh oh, this isn't good.  I'd better write some more characters into this story, fast!)
Hey, what're you whispering over there?
Hi guys, what's shakin'?
Wait a second, who are you?
Da Evolution Man!  And my bubbly pal, Pikachu!
Pikapi!
Take care of  'em, guys!
You got it, chief.  C'mon Lois, let's get down to the rendering plant. 
Metallo is on the loose...
Why, you sound just like Poké Man!
No I'm not, I'm mild-mannered Clark Kent, reporter for the Poké Planet.
Pika Pika!
Is that my arch-nemesis, Poké Man, over there?
No, it's Clark Kent, a penetratingly obvious alter-ego of the hero.
My mistake!
Maybe I added too many characters...
Hi, who are you?
Who are you is a better question… hey Supervillain, watch the elbows!
Is that the Red Warrior over there?
Guys, did this Pikachu just talk?
No I didn't!  Pika!  Pikachu!
WRITER shakes his head!
Lord Sloth here!  Hey, why is that guy dressed like a pirate?
Is this a party?
Sure looks like it, Jessie.  And it would only be fitting for Team Rocket to crash it!  Right Meowth?
Yeah!  Hey, Lord Sloth, that's my foot you're standin' on!
Who are you people?
YOU never said who YOU are!
Who, me?
I think he means you.
Me, right?
NO!  You're not listening!  Aargh, there's too many types of text, no one knows who anyone else is!
Look, somebody better start throwing punches soon, we're almost out of time and the Final Battle hasn't even started yet!
Hey, there's the Supervillain right there!  You're under arrest, vile one!
Pika!
Poké Man, stop hitting me! I'm not the Supervillain! Well, I sort of am, but I'm also not, get it?
EVERYBODY SHUT UP!!
EVERYBODY shuts up!
Now let me get this straightened out...
WRITER used EJECT!
MAN WITH HOOK, MISSINGNO, EVOLUMAN, PIKACHU, POKEMAN, SUPERVILLAIN, RED
WARRIOR, LORD SLOTH, JESSE, JAMES, and MEOWTH were ejected from the battle!
Now to give the readers a "Final Battle" so they don't sue for false advertisement.
GENGAR used CLAW!
JIGGLYPUFF evaded the attack!
JIGGLYPUFF used TACKLE!
GENGAR fainted!
Ah, I love Jigglypuff.  It's about time the 'Puff won a badge.
JIGGLYPUFF wins!