| Battle #10: Starring Duo Maxwell as the Beaver! Player Name: Caterpie-ManName: Setting: A Huge Office Building in Tokyo, Japan By Crimson King CATERPIE-MAN is watching TV! Ahhahahaha... oh Balki, you crazy son of a [edited for content]... READERS demand to know where CATERPIE-MAN has been for the past 5 WEEKS! Wha...? You- you mean Cinnabar Version actually has readers? READERS are growing IMPATIENT! READERS used CLOSE on the CINNABAR VERSION WINDOW in their IMPATIENCE! Hey, cool deal. No readers, no reason for me to do anything in this battle. CRIMSONKING reminds CATERPIE-MAN that he can always write a DEATH SCENE for CATERPIE-MAN if he becomes too BORING! Yipe! Er, maybe that "doing something" idea does have some merit. First, I'll explain what I've been doing since you've seen me last. CATERPIE-MAN entered SLUGGY FREELANCE RECAP MODE! After I gained my new Caterpie-like body and the superpower of "proportionate strength of a human," I realized right away that I would need to use my powers responsibly, for the good of all mankind, by immediately robbing a bank. After I finished that, I figured I might as well become a superhero to kill time between "Perfect Strangers" reruns, but I knew I would need funding to fulfill my wholesome mission. Thus I founded the "eCaterpie-man.com" corporation, which recieved billions of dollars worth of market share within two days, as any online business is expected to do. Since then I've just been letting the money role in and using it to fund my army of peace-keeping robots which basically do my superheroing job for me, giving me more time to watch TV and fatten up on leaves and similar vegatation while I slowly approach the larva stage of my metamorphosis into a beautiful Butterfree-Man... CRIMSONKING demands CATERPIE-MAN to stop this PAINFULLY LONG RECAP! Alright, alright. Sheesh. DUO MAXWELL appeared! You better have a damn good reason for walking into my house without invitation, Duo. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get Webmaster-smell out of a carpet? DUO MAXWELL: I have important news about your company, Caterpie-Man! Apparently the trend of people foolishly buying stock in pointless online businesses that produce no profit is ending! eCaterpie-Man.com's stock has dropped 89,427 points in the past hour! You better hurry and find a window to jump out of before they're all taken! Oh crap! C'mon Duo, we have to rally my army of peace-keeping robots and lock them in my basement before they find out I'm out of money! DUO MAXWELL: Are you sure this is the most ethical solution to this situation, Caterpie-Man? And why the hell am I helping you, anyway? Come to think of it, why am I in this battle at all? Who knows? It's a Poke Battle, it doesn't need to make sense! Now let's go lasso us some robots! CATERPIE-MAN opened the FRONT DOOR! ARMY OF PEACE-KEEPING ROBOTS was waiting OUTSIDE! Oh...uh...hey, fellas... er, you guys wanna look at a really cool basement? ROBOTS already know about the STOCK MARKET! Oh, you do huh? Boy, that sure does suck, doesn't it? Well, those are the breaks I guess... ROBOTS used REWRITE PROGRAMMING! PROGRAMMING was CHANGED from KEEP THE PEACE to TERMINATE OUR MASTER! DUO MAXWELL: Ulp! Uh, C-Man, what do we do now? Stay perfectly still. They can't see you if you don't move. DUO MAXWELL: I'm pretty sure that's just the T-Rex from Jurassic Park. I'm also pretty sure you stole that joke from someone else. In that case... let's fight 'em! DUO MAXWELL: Fight them?!? But there's hundreds of them against the two of us! Oops, did I say " let's fight 'em?" I meant "you fight them while I utilize the time they spend tearing you into thin strips of bloody flesh to escape." Get'm DUO MAXWELL! DUO MAXWELL: Hey! How are you controlling me like this? Let's just say that even Narrators need their palms greased once in a while. CATERPIE-MAN ran away! DUO MAXWELL: Well, if he's safe, I guess I can leave now too. I'll just...urk!...move this leg here...arrghh!...what's wrong? I still can't move! CRIMSONKING points out that having a GUEST STAR in a POKEBATTLE is only fun if you get to KILL HIM OFF! ROBOTS are arming their INCREDIBLY PAINFUL RADIATION GUNS! DUO MAXWELL: Noooo!! I refuse to lose! I demand a recount! CRIMSONKING also points out that this is not an ELECTION and DUO MAXWELL is not an ANNOYINGLY STUBBORN POLITITION! INCREDIBLY PAINFUL RADIATION GUNS are about to FIRE! DUO MAXWELL: Wait!! I've suddenly had a revelation! Staring into the face of death, I think I've finally glimpsed truth for the first time in my life! Yes, it's all so clear now! At long last, I have discovered the answer to that age old mystery of what... CRIMSONKING will leave the rest to the READER'S IMAGINATION! The End! |