| Battle #13: Sacrifices Player Name: Bob the Worm Setting: Cheese Cavern By CrimsonKing WORMS are at WAR! Oh for God's sake, again? Seems like they have a new war every twenty minutes... I must end their violent ways. BOB used TELEPORT! BOB TELEPORTED into the HEAT of BATTLE! That phrase is just ripe for a big, juicy pun. But, as a monk in the Holy Order of the Concrete Donkey, I have transcended the lowbrow practices of punning. ... C'mon, Narrator, keep the battle going. ...I can wait all day, y'know... *Sigh* I hate you... okay, okay. Um, 'it's not the heat that kills you, it's the humidity.' There. I'm prbably damned to worm hell for saying that. NARRATOR reflects that it just wouldn't be a POKE BATTLE without an EXCESSIVELY CORNY PUN! Right, right. Can we get on with this? BOGGY B appeared! Hello, my wormly brother. I've come to preach the ways of peace to you and your comrades-in-arms. BOGGY B: Wellllll... okay, I've got a minute before I need to blast that guy with a homing missle, anyway. Let's hear the word, brotha'. Thanks. Boggy, I've become disgusted with this constant warring between all these various factions of worm commandos, so I've taken up a life of pacifism in the image of many great men, such as Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr., and Lord Sloth. I think all worms could benefit from this lifestyle, instead of arbitrarily killing each other whenever we feel like-- BOGGY B used SHOTGUN! Some WORM that got SCREWED by RANDOM PLACEMENT died! BOGGY B: Sorry, I was lining up my shot while you were talking. What were you saying? I was just saying that we shouldn't be killing our fellow worms like you just did!! BOGGY B: Hey, sorry buddy... say, don't you monks make alot of alcohol in those monastaries? Well yes we do, in fact several religious ceremonies-- BOGGY B: Hell, I'm there! Is it okay if I invite some of my frat pals, too? Er... I suppose it's okay... BOGGY B: Alright! We're gettin' hammered tonight! Hey Bob, are you familiar with the term "keg stand"? I've gotta be honest Boggy, these activities you refer to don't seem to promote non-violent activity. BOGGY B: Don't be silly, drunk people are some of the most peaceful people in the world! Do you even know what peaceful means, B? BOGGY B: Sure! That's when you don't torture people before you murder them, right? That's what I thought you'd say. BOGGY B is THINKING! I thought I smelled something burning. BOGGY B: I just remember... don't you monks take a vow of celebrity or something? What? Vow of celebacy, you mean? BOGGY B: Yeah, that's the one. Yes, we do. Why? What difference does that make? BOGGY B: o_o There is no God. BOGGY B TELEPORTED away! BOB wins! Another soul lost. Then again, it might've been for the best - I don't think I could've stomached the sight of Boggy B in a toga. But at least I've seemed to influence the Narrator for the better; I went this whole "battle" without fighting anyone! NARRATOR can't believe it was so SLOPPY! Thanks for the REMINDER! If I had a foot, rest assured it would be in my mouth at this point. GIANT SPARROW appeared! Nooooo!! The Armageddon has come! I'm off to my eternal resting place... SPARROW used DEVOUR! BOB was DEVOURED! SPARROW flew away! BOB'S ETERNAL RESTING PLACE turned out to be the FRONT WINDSHIELD of a '99 JETTA! The End! |