| The Doctor is In Player: Dr. Phil [No Record] Place: Oprah's Show Author: Dacta ::yawn:: Yet another day of telling people the same advice over and over again... CATCHY OPRAH THEME SONG plays! DR. PHIL enters! OPRAH: Today we have Dr. Phil, like always, answering the same questions, like always. Oprah, you seem kind of edgy... OPRAH explodes! OPRAH: Of course I'm edgy! I'm always supposed to be happy and uplifting! WELL WHAT IF I'M PMSING? WHAT ABOUT ME?? OPRAH is foaming at MOUTH! Umm...Animal Control? ANIMAL CONTROL drags off OPRAH! Heh, doing this myself will be no sweat. Today, we have... DR. PHIL looks on CUE CARD! ...Dacta MPR and Crimson King... DACTA MPR and CRIMSON KING enter! LOUD BOOS are HEARD! CRIMSON KING: You ****ing pieces of ****! Now, now, this isn't Jerry Springer... OPRAH! OPRAH! OPRAH! This may be harder than I thought... Crimson King and Dacta MPR are having trouble with...wait, wait, that's not what it says. Crimson King is contiuously waiting till the last second to post his battles, and Dacta MPR nearly killed him with the Power of the PMS...Oh Lord. DACTA MPR: It's HIS fault! HE deserved it! CRIMSON KING: You shuttup, you nearly killed me, you biatch! RSACi used GASP! CRIMSON KING: Oh, screw you, RSACi! MOSTLY WOMAN AUDIENCE used GASP! CRIMSON KING:...screw you as well. GAY GUY stood up! GAY GUY: I refuse this discrimination! CRIMSON KING: Ok, that's just...disturbing. Er, let's get this under control... EVERYONE: NO! Ahhh! CINNABAR VERSION WEBMISTRESS thinks this BATTLE is very RANDOM! CINNABAR VERSION WEBMASTER agrees! What the fudge does that have to do with anything? ... Do not QUESTION the NARRATOR! Hmm... Well, Dacta and Crimson, what DO you agree on? DACTA MPR and CRIMSON KING agree that DOOMPUFF SUCKS! ... What a great way to base a relationship. Does DACTA MPR sense SARCASM!? Maybe. DACTA MPR: You unworthy mortal! DACTA MPR wants to fight! Well I don't, thank you very much. You see, this is what's ruining your relationship! Crimson King says one thing, and then you, Dacta, want to fight! ... DACTA MPR wants to fight! Very well then, I shall show you the errors of your ways! DR. PHIL stood up from CHAIR! DR. PHIL sat back DOWN! Whoa...a bit too many doughnuts there. Guess I'll just fight from my chair. Me, go! Get'm, DR. PHIL! DACTA MPR sends out JESS MPR! The enemy's obese! Get'm, JESS MPR! JESS MPR: Wait! I'm her ALLY! I can't be sent out! Oh shut up! JESS MPR: You know, I SHOULD have a comeback to that...but I don't. Me, use Same Boring Lecture! DR. PHIL used SAME, BORING LECTURE! DACTA MPR was BORED! DACTA MPR: You wanna go get some tacos, Crimson King? CRIMSON KING: Tacos?! Bah! I demand greasy french fries! DACTA MPR glares! JESS MPR sent out RAKE! Wait, is this even FAIR? In some senses, YES! RAKE used RAKE! RAKE raked DR. PHIL into PILE of old LEAVES! What the hell is up with this rake... It's not RAKE, it's RAKE! Um, yeah. GARBAGE MAN appeared! GARBAGE MAN picked up DR. PHIL and LEAVES! GARBAGE MAN: Hey, aren't you that dude on Oprah? Yes. GARBAGE MAN: YOU RUINED MY WIFE AND MY RELATIONSHIP! YOU DIE NOW! Ahhhh! DR. PHIL jumped out of GARBAGE TRUCK! Rabid...Garbage...Man...on...tail... DR. PHIL ran away! DR. PHIL lost again GARBAGE MAN! DACTA MPR: Hey, he didn't even solve our problem! CRIMSON KING: I want my freakin' pride back! CRIMSON KING and DACTA MPR ran after DR. PHIL! To be continued... Oh, great, another "To Be Continued." Just shut up and touch the monkey! |