Author: Dacta MPR
Setting: Who cares?
Player: Dacta MPR
Still floating...I had no idea death was so boring. I figured there was a Heaven.
HEAVEN was DESTROYED!
What about God?
GOD's CONDITION is UNKNOWN!
Great. Now who will I worship?
You shall worship TANLY!
Tanly?
TANLY is the new CHARACTER! Thus, TANLY is your GOD!
What kind of name is Tanly?
What kind of a name is DACTA?!
One of the branch of the Lego Cooperation.
...
Shut up and WORSHIP TANLY!
Where is this alleged Tanly?
TANLY is in FLORIDA!
And why didn't Florida get exploded?
Because the DUMB BLONDES were TOO FAKE to be EXPLODED!
So I assume California didn't get exploded either?
CORRECT!
JASON ROSS: So how the hell did I die?
Who invited you?
JASON ROSS holds up INVITATION!
INVITATION: You are cordially invited to join the Cinnabar Battle #24: Damn Drifting Spirits...
Who's sending out these phony invitations?
FBI: Heh heh...
FBI hides behind CHARRED BUSH!
JASON ROSS: So I'm right! You /are/ a spy for the FBI! Ha ha!
...Do you /have/ a life outside of the computer?
JASON ROSS: Yeah, well, about that...
JASON ROSS ran away!
DACTA MPR won against JASON ROSS!
TANLY appeared!
Dude, you're...brown. Were you originally white colored in the first place?
TANLY: To tell you the truth, I don't even remember.
DACTA MPR looks AROUND!
I suppose they expect a punchline. With someone like you, the possiblities are endless.
TANLY: I already don't like you.
JESS MPR appeared!
JESS MPR is suspended in air above DACTA MPR's HEAD!
Great...
JESS MPR fell!
JESS MPR fell right through SPIRIT!
How is Jess alive, and yet I'm dead? I thought in White Version it said we were connected or something!
...WHY do you even REMEMBER this?
Oh, go terrorize some girl in a thong.
DACTA MPR seems to have FORGOTTEN that CINNABAR VERSION WEBMISTRESS' NARRATORs are always FEMALES!
...well, then terrorize a guy in a g-strap.
NARRATOR likes that idea!
NARRATOR ran away!
Heh. Now I'll narrate.
Tanly?! Wait, my opponent can't narrate!
You did that all the time in White Version battles.
That was different!
Was it, Dacta? Was it.
JESS MPR: Hey! I'm still falling here!
DACTA MPR and TANLY both look to JESS MPR!
Question, Tanly: Do you really care?
Is that a rhethorical question?
Probably. Wanna go get something to eat?
Don't they expect a battle?
Yeah well...the author has to think of something funny, quick, and her mind is totally blank.
Damn skippy. Any donations on funny ideas?
SO-CALLED COMEDIANS appeared!
And I'm supposed to believe all of these people were in California and Florida?
Yep.
SO-CALLED COMEDIAN: And then I told him: Hey, that's not a duck! That's your mother!
Ch-ch-CHING!
...guards, take him away.
GUARDS dragged SO-CALLED COMEDIAN away!
SO-CALLED COMEDIAN: Oh well, I guess it's back to the drawing board...
SO-CALLED COMEDIAN pulled out DRAWING BOARD!
Geez, I wonder how he can fit all of that into his pocket...
SO-CALLED COMEDIAN: There's extra room in the ass. I bought these pants in bulk. Here, try some.
SO-CALLED COMEDIAN gave DACTA MPR some LARGE PANTS!
Whoa! These /are/ roomy! I can fit another person in here!
CRIMSON KING appeared!
CRIMSON KING: ::ahem:: Mind if I join you?
...Yes. Yes I do.
CRIMSON KING: But-
NO.
CRIMSON KING sighs!
CRIMSON KING: I get no love. ::sniff::
HOT CHICK walked past!
CRIMSON KING: Rrow! How's it hanging, busty-I mean, baby?
CRIMSON KING ran after HOT CHICK!
Poor Lorelei.
LANCE OF DA ELITE FOUR wants to fight!
...Where the muffin did you come from? Haven't you heard the news? NOBODY LIKES POKEMON ANYMORE.
LANCE: Yeah, I know. I need some loser hole to reside in.
Yea-wait, that was supposed to be an insult, wasn't it?
LANCE: Or the truth.
Argh! Fine, I'll fight you!
DACTA MPR wants to fight!
I'll be the death of you, you arrogant so-called Dragonmaster! Go, Jess MPR!
JESS MPR is still PLUMMETING like a STONE!
JESS MPR: Um, help?
Ack, just my luck...very well, go, me!
DACTA MPR sent out DACTA MPR!
LANCE sent out THE SILENT AXE!
Ah! Another one of my clones!
LANCE: Christ, how many clones do you have?
I stopped counting at twenty.
THE SILENT AXE: ...
LANCE: If you have so many clones, how can you be sure that you're the original? HOW CAN YOU BE SURE??
Y'know. I never thought about that. How can I know? Oh Lord, what if I'm just a clone myself!
DACTA MPR is on the VERGE of TEARS!
LANCE: Heh, this'll be interesting...
SHUT UP, I'M TRYING TO MAKE A SENTIMENTAL MOMENT HERE!
LANCE: It's that time of month isn't it?
::sob:: That's none of your business. How can I be sure I'm not a clone? How can I be sure that the Silent Axe isn't the original?
LANCE: You could always ask her.
You idiot! She's called the Silent Axe for a reason!
LANCE: Well, I've figured out the "silent" part, but where does the "axe" part come from?
THE SILENT AXE pulled out a VERY BIG FIRE-FIGHTING AXE!
LANCE: ...well, that explains it.
JESS MPR:I just realized there's no bottom to this endless fall. Eh, might as well make some fun out of it.
JESS MPR pulled out GAMEBOY!
JESS MPR: Die Mario, die!!
Jess, the point of the game is to save Mario.
JESS MPR:...weren't you supposed to be having a sentimental moment?
Whoops.
::sob:: HOw can I be sure about my idenity?
LANCE: You could always ask the great Tanly.
Naw, I think I'll just have to be antagonized by it for the rest of my life. Oh well.
DACTA MPR smiles!
Now who's for some lemonade?
BATTLE fizzled OUT!