| Battle #26: Damn That Clinton, I Mean, Satan! Player Name: CrimsonKing Setting: Hell By CrimsonKing Several DEMONS appeared! Oh... uh, hey guys. What's up? DEMON UNDERBOSS: We here you're the new foul corrupter of the innocent in this realm, and honestly we're a little dubious of how qualified you are. You better have some really good credentials, or we'll sic our whole legal team on you. And remember that this is hell, CK... we've got lawyers that would make Doompuff weep. Funny that you should mention that... never mind. Credentials, eh? Well, I was never one to dabble in human torture much, although I did write Poke Battles for over a year-- DEMON UNDERBOSS: Woah! Poke Battles? I'll show you right to your office, in that case. Minutes later, INSIDE the OFFICE... DEMON UNDERBOSS: Your daily responsiblities include conference meetings with the head demon staff, continuing our appeal of the "guilty" verdict from 80,000 B.C., and the destruction of all goodness and hope in the universe. Let me ask a question. Whoever holds this position is the official Prince of Lies, correct? DEMON UNDERBOSS: Yes... So for all you know, the old devil just spent all day sitting in this office, making the biggest rubberband ball in history, and lying to you at the end of the day? DEMON UNDERBOSS: Well, uh... merciless hell, you're right! I knew the board room was running out of rubberbands too quickly... and the eighty-mile high ball of rubber outside was kind of suspicious... How disgusting. It's truly a dishonest world when you can't even take the word of Satan, huh? DEMON UNDERBOSS agrees! Man, I'm pissed now. Go round up all the dead Narrators D.U., I'm in the mood for torture. DEMON UNDERBOSS departs! CRIMSONKING reclines in his CHAIR! Deceit... torture... corruption... *sigh*. Hell must the land of love... HADES appeared! HADES: Hey, would you mind keeping it down over here? My wife and I are trying to have a relaxing evening and your Narrators keep yapping about Demon Underbosses so loud I can hear it next door! Huh? Yo, wait, I have neighbors? HADES: Right, every religion gets it's own underworld. And us Greeks have been around long before you so-called "Chrstians" moved into this quiet neighborhood and started blasting that Marilyn Manson crap day and night. Well what the hell... er... heaven... underworld... oh man, how am I supposed to use my sacriligious slang now? You're complicating everything, dammit! I mean, uh, bless it! HADES: Look at you, you can't even use a mild expletitive without going into a fit. You're a disgrace to the evil community! HADES wants to fight! Say what? You can't start a real battle in Cinnabar Version! Nothing exciting or dramatic ever happens here! HADES sent out CERBERUS! Hah! I refuse to believe a real battle will take place in Cinnabar Version! Besides, if I just sit here doing nothing, you can't do squat as long as we're playing by Pokemon rules! HADES: Aw crap, he found a loophole already. Well, you can't wait forever! Technically I can, since we're both immortal. HADES: Oh yeah... bastard. Hahaha! I have you outsmarted at every turn! What you gonna do now, Hades? HADES: ... ... 18,023 years later... ...are you still thinking over the question? 'Cause if not, I've got to hit the can. TANLY appeared! TANLY: Hi evil beings of the dead. I just want to inform you that I'm taking over the position of "Almighty God" until furthur notice, and I wanted to leave a forwarding address for any letters of disapproval you might have. That okay with you? Um... could you make this quick? I've been holding it in since hovercars have been invented. TANLY: Hey, CrimsonKing right? That's weird I met you here, your partner just gave me a message to relay after the last Cinnabar battle. No kidding? What did she say? TANLY: She seemed to think it was a very urgent message, she said " ". What? Wait, I didn't catch that, what did you say? TANLY: I don't know, she said it in a black font for some reason and it just blended in with the background. Alright, just make sure she knows that and are all . TANLY nods! HADES: ...oh! I have an answer now! Huh? HADES: I'll just hit the power switch and reset the Game Boy, that'll get me out of this battle in no time! Watch! Hey! Don't mess with that you motherfu GAME BOY restarted! TO BE CONTINUED! |