| Battle #28: Opposing Allies Player Name: Dacta MPR By Dacta MPR DACTA MPR died! I was just a friggin' spirit anyway! How could I die?! You CAN, just TRUST the NARRATOR! Trust the Narrator. That's a laugh. DACTA MPR is ASCENDING into HEAVEN! Well, some good things for a change! HEAVEN'S GATES SHUT before DACTA MPR! And for all the human sacrificing I've done for you, God... I'm ashamed. There is no longer GOD! Only TANLY! Oh yeah, that's right. Tanly! Lemme in! ANSWERING MACHINE: The Almighty Tanly is not in right now. Please leave a name, social security number, and brief message after the beep. *BEEEP* Damn Tanly... ANSWERING MACHINE: And no swearing at Tanly. Great, now I'm getting bossed around by a friggin' answering machine! DACTA MPR pulled out DEATH JAVELIN! How many does DACTA MPR have of THOSE? Just a few million. DACTA MPR threw out DEATH JAVELIN! DEATH JAVELIN broke into GATES OF HEAVEN! DEMONS and EVIL SPIRITS flooded into HEAVEN! Um... whoops. DACTA MPR whistles INNOCENTLY! DACTA MPR walks inside! ANNIE runs up to DACTA MPR! ANNIE: Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love you, tomorrow! Ahhhh! It's a real demon! Kill it! DACTA MPR ran like a CHICKEN! DACTA MPR ran ALL the way to TANLY'S CASTLE! Dude, this is bigger'n Bill Gates' mansion! TANLY is GOD! What happened to our other God? OTHER GOD is on VACATION! GOD: Mmmm, Maui, here I come! ...What about Jesus? JESUS is starring in JESUS CHRIST, SUPERSTAR! Now on Broadway! Oh Lord... TANLY: Yes? Ahhh! TANLY: Oh, you again. I just delivered a message to your friend, Crimson King. He seems to have taken over the role of Satan. Ahh, good ol' Mikey. It sounds just like him. TANLY: Yeah, well, I need a vacation too. A permanent one. In other words you're.... RETIRING? TANLY: Yes, and you're in charge now. TANLY stuck BUTTON with GOD written on it to DACTA MPR's CHEST! TANLY ran away with BRIEFCASE! DACTA MPR won against TANLY! I won! I really am God! Well, GODDESS technically! I can command Jess MPR to never get lost again! ...Nah, then it wouldn't be as fun. JESS MPR: Damn youuu.... TASK MISTRESS appeared! TASK MISTRESS: Here's your daily schedule, Goddess. TASK MISTESS handed GODESS DACTA MPR a LIST INFINITELY LONG! S***! "Watch on Bill Clinton, watch on Fidel Castro, watch on Saddam Hussein, watch men get undressed?" Do I have to watch everybody?? TASK MISTRESS: Um, well... TASK MISTRESS ran away! This isn't fair! Satan doesn't have this many task! Waahhhh! GODDESS DACTA MPR began CRYING! WORLD began FLOODING! Whoops! Better dry my eyes now. GODDESS DACTA MPR dried EYES! WORLD is DYING in DROUGHT! Ugh! You're just never satisfied, are you? Die! GODDESS DACTA MPR sent down LIGHTNING BOLTS! ZEUS: Hey, that's my job! Shut up, old boy! Didn't Hera ever teach you never to disturb a woman in heat? ZEUS: Actually, she did but-- GODDESS DACTA MPR used MEGA PUNCH! ZEUS was PUNCHED into OBLIVION! ANCIENT GREEK CIVILIZATION died! ...I thought it was already dead. SHUT up! You can't order me around, Narrator! I'm God! GODDESS DACTA MPR threw LIGHTNING BOLTS at the NARRATOR! NARRATOR died! GODDESS DACTA MPR created WORLD PEACE! Whoohoo! WORLD PEACE was followed by NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST! D'oh! WORLD exploded AGAIN! I thought I killed the Narrator. The NARRATOR has too many BACK-UPS! CRIMSON KING appeared! CRIMSON KING: Ugh...uh? Where am I... I only remember the game restarting... Uh... I believe we're in the Oblivion. CRIMSON KING and DACTA MPR must recreate the LAST BATTLE from REVELATIONS! Damn you, John. Why'd you have to go and PREPLAN THE APOCALYPSE? CRIMSON KING: Hey, you're God now? Technically. CRIMSON KING: You sure as hell... er, heaven don't look like one. Why you little... DIE! GODDESS DACTA MPR pulled out DEATH JAVELIN! Now it's time for you to die, Satan-er, Antichrist-er, Crimson King-or... oh hell, whatever you are! GODDESS DACTA MPR wants to fight! CRIMSON KING: What? The actual player wants to fight? Rememeber? I'm God now! CRIMSON KING: Dacta, how could you? Starting an actual battle on Cinnabar Version? I'm ashamed. ... CINNABAR WEBMISTRESS: Ahh, brain fart, brain fart! CINNABAR WEBMISTRESS ran around BATTING her HEAD! CINNABAR WEBMISTRESS: Ahhh... CINNABAR WEBMISTRESS continues FIGHTING-er, WRITING! Ummm... I claim this battle "To Be Continued" so Cinnabar Webmaster has to write the rest! So it is WRITTEN, so it is DONE! So decrees the GODDESS DACTA MPR! CRIMSON KING: Whoa, cool power. Damn right it is. To be continued... |