Battle #29 April 29th, 2001 Survive Her Player: Jeff Probst (No Record. Thank Buddha.) Setting: Survivor Island Writer: Dacta, the PMS Extraordinare CINNABAR WEBMISTRESS: Oh crap! Mikey's grounded because of his grade and it's up to me to update this stupid site! NARRATOR laughs! CINNABAR WEBMISTRESS: Shut up! I put a "To be continued" on the last one so I didn't have to excersize any brain muscles! Dammit! I guess...I'll just have to put up a horribly cliched theme! NARRATOR gasps! SCENE temporarily DISAPPEARS! JEFF PROBST appears! Today, we bring you another exciting episode of Survivor. ::whisper:: Hey, camera man! Bring me another bottle of vodka! CAMERAMAN handed JEFF his VODKA! Mmm, that's good billy. Anyway, let us see our remaining survivors. FLASHFIRE waves! JASON ROSS waves! CRIMSON KING waves! THE SILVER ONE waves! JESS MPR waves! ERIC MHE waves! MR KITE waves! Now, we have our reward challenge. CRIMSON KING: If I win, do I get your vodka? JESS MPR: You BASTARD! That vodka is MINE! JESS MPR dove at JEFF! Ahhh! Security! They're attacking my precious vodka! SECURITY appeared! SECURITY threw JESS MPR down BLACK HOLE! JESS MPR: Here we go with the falling again...::sigh:: Ahh, precious vodka saved... Anyway, today you have to endure strenuous and continuous torture in order to be rewarded with this little strip of steak. EXTRAS: What a glorious reward! ERIC MHE: Hardly. Hey, don't make me accidentally throw you into a fire. ERIC MHE whimpered! Now...hustle! MR KITE: What are we /doing/ exactly? We're playing...Survive Jerri's PMS. EVERYONE screams! EVERYONE runs in a DIFFERNT direction! EXCEPT THE SILVER ONE! Are you crazy? THE SILVER ONE: I believe I am. HOOBLEAZAH! JERRI used XENA WAR CRY! THE SILVER ONE used HOOBLEAZAH! JERRI went RUNNING AWAY SCREAMING! I suppose the Silver One won... Hey, that sounds cool ! One won! Ch-ch-CHING! CRIMSON KING: ...sombody shoot this guy. ERIC MHE: Coincidently, my luxury item was a machine gun! EVERYONE used YAY! ERIC MHE pulled out MACHINE GUN! I am going to be needing a lot of vodka. ERIC MHE wants to fight! JEFF doesn't! Damn right I don't. I'm supposed to look like the wise "voice" of the group. I'm not gonna risk my position for some low life like you. What? ERIC MHE is EVOLVING! ERIC MHE evolved to LOW LIFE! DACTA MPR: No! What have you done to my beautiful Eric MHE? DACTA MPR weeps BITTERLY over LOW LIFE! Oh, save it for "Touched By An Angel." The tribe has spoken. LOW LIFE and DACTA MPR were BANISHED! Now we have to go to some sort of nighttime scene to have the guys watching be aroused by scenes of the Silver One undressing. THE SILVER ONE: Oh. Oh my. Hoo...bleazah? MR KITE: ::grumble:: Where's Deb's nice tight body when you need it? Well /one/ of you has to walk around nude. That'll complete this hideous battle. EVERYONE is SILENT! FLASHFIRE: C'mon, Kite, YOU'RE the version slut! (Note: Exactly how many versions /does/ Kite participate in?) MR KITE: But...but... JASON ROSS: Oh God...if you guys are all going to be that way... JASON ROSS ripped off CLOTHING! BATTLE ended ABRUPTLY! (Note: Mikey, improve those grades, because my brain has been zapped to a putrid thing inside of my head from "The Matrix." The only thing I can say verbally currently is Keanu Reeves is hot.)