Battle #30 May 5th, 2001 The Final Battle (Yeah, Right) Note: It would help if you read the Book of Revelations before reading this Pokebattle. Or you could just wing it and be completely confuzzled. Player: [Goddess] Dacta MPR (We don't KEEP records in this version.) Writer: Dacta MPR (Mikey, you better get on soon...) Ow...leg cramping from staying in this "ready to battle" position for so long... CRIMSON KING: Oh, like I have it any better. CRIMSON KING is STANDING in MANURE of GREEN HORSEMAN's HORSE! Oh God...it's green, too...sick... Anyway. I supposed we have to finish this brawl. CRIMSON KING: Oh yeah. CRIMSON KING wants to fight! Uh, go, Seals! SEALS: Ark! Ark! Ark! Dammit, wrong seals, you damn angels! ANGELS: Sorry! GODDESS DACTA MPR sent out SEALS! Um, Seals, use First Seal! SEALS used FIRST SEAL! FIRST SEAL was BROKEN OPEN! Dammit, now it can't be a collector's item... LANCE OF DA ELITE FOUR on a WHITE HORSE came out of the SEAL! Great, does this /always/ have to incorperate Pokebattles? YES! Dammit. LANCE: Be thankful you don't have to wear this stupid horseman costume. It's smarting down near my unmentionables. Ugh...too much information. LANCE: Uh, what am I supposed to do again? You're supposed to be a "conqueror to conquer" with this long bow and crown. Take them. They smell like horse. GODDESS DACTA MPR handed LANCE a CROWN and LONG BOW! LANCE: Damn, how much do these things weigh? They're worth their weight in gold. Ch-ch-CHING! ...you're fired, drum man. DRUM MAN: Oooh... DRUM MAN walked out GLUMLY! LANCE: Another thing...how do you get this thing to go? Just say Sir Chargon is behind you. LANCE DA HORSEMAN and HORSE ran away frantically! CRIMSON KING: You realize that effected me in no way, don't you? Um...well...SHUT UP! So it is said! So it is done! So decrees GODDESS DACTA MPR! CRIMSON KING can't talk! CRIMSON KING sent out STEPHEN KING! STEPHEN KING: Oooh, this gives me a SWEET idea for my next creepy story! I think I'll call it..."Uncatchy Title!" Yeah! STEPHEN KING ran away! CRIMSON KING: Dammit! Hey, I thought you couldn't talk! CRIMSON KING: I'm Satan, remember? Damn. Uh, ok. Seals, use Second Seal! SEALS used SECOND SEAL! JASON ROSS and RED HORSE appeared! JASON ROSS: Are you sure the red horse was second? ...I'm God. Don't question me. JASON ROSS used WHIMPER! JASON ROSS: What am /I/ supposed to do? Something about warring. I'm sure it shouldn't be a far stretch. JASON ROSS: Whoohoo! HORSEMAN JASON ROSS and HORSE ran away to WAR! CRIMSON KING: Again, I am uneffected. Go, Touji! I knew he was too cute to not have his soul sold to Satan... TOUJI: Oh, shaddap! TOUJI pulled DEATH JAVELIN from CHEST! Ew...that sounds like meat being cleavered. TOUJI: Don't remind me. TOUJI threw DEATH JAVELIN! GODDESS DACTA MPR dodged! DEATH JAVELIN buried itself in TOUJI! Sorry, Touji! TOUJI: Eh, it's ok. It happens. Seals, use Third Seal! SEALS used THIRD SEAL! DOUBLED on BLACK HORSE appeaered! DOUBLED: Why am I holding scales? Eh, you're something about famine. I can't remember. DOUBLED: Cool! CRIMSON KING: When will you launch an attack that attacks me and not humankind? When I feel like it, baka! HORSEMAN DOUBLED and BLACK HORSE went off to SPREAD FAMINE! CRIMSON KING: I'll just have to granola bar and... DOUBLED appeared! DOUBLED ate GRANOLA BAR! CRIMSON KING: Noo! How could you be so mean? That was my only Pokemon left! Do you surrender?! CRIMSON KING: Hah! When Jess MPR lands! JESS MPR landed! CRIMSON KING: D'oh! JESS MPR is the FINAL HORSEMAN! JESS MPR: And I'm gonna kick your ass! CRIMSON KING: Not likely. I'm Satan. JESS MPR: Well...well I'M Death! And I'm backed by Hades too! CRIMSON KING: Hades! I thought we were comrades! HADES: Hey. You just DON'T contradict John. Kick his ass, Jess MPR! JESS MPR: Man, but I just have no inspiration! Umm...ah...he's the one who stole your binkie when you were little! JESS MPR: ::gasp:: You MONSTER! JESS MPR attacks! CRIMSON KING: Ahhhh! Rape! Rape! Oh, simmer.  You still have three more seals to go. Seals, use Fifth Seal! SEALS used FIFTH SEAL! A LOT OF PEOPLE appeared! Too many people...crowding...battle... SKYLER: Wassaaaa? DEB: Um...how am I here? MENDIN: I'm not the hacker! I swear! Here's your white robes, now praise me, idiots! ERIC MHE: What if I don't wanna? ERIC MHE died! Does anybody else object? EVERYBODY:...All hail Goddess Dacta MPR! JESS MPR is still BEATING CRIMSON KING to a BLOODY PULP! JESS MPR: And that's for all my lonely nights without Mr. Binkie! CRIMSON KING: Ahhh! CRIMSON KING skips a turn! Seals, use Sixth Seal! SEALS used SIXTH SEAL! EARTHQUAKE happened! SUN turned BLACK! MOON turned RED! STARS began FALLING! SKY was ROLLED UP! Whoa-hu-ho! A little powerful there, eh, Angels? ANGELS: You know, we have individual names. Su-ure you do, Angels. Use...the final seal. EVERYONE used GASP! Jeez, it's not that shocking. SEALS used SEVENTH SEAL! SILENCE occured! Umm...hello? Helllloooo? Great. Now I'm talking to myself. SEVEN THUNDERS: Naw, not really. Hey, John wasn't supposed to write what you said! SEVEN THUNDERS: Yeah, isn't that a pity? I guess Cinnabar Webmistress is just going to Hell. CINNABAR WEBMISTRESS: Dammit! WOMAN AND DRAGON appeared! Hey, Dragon person! Aren't you supposed to have names insulting to God on your head? DRAGON: Uh huh. But all you have is "Cinnabar Version" written all over your head! ... Ooooh. APOCALYPSE ended! NEW HEAVEN and EARTH appeared! Hey! What happened to the Fall of Babylon? And the Feast of the Lamb? And what about the Famous Prostitute? I'm sure Crimson King would've liked a stand with her. BATTLE can't be THAT LONG! THIS is a CINNABAR BATTLE! It still has to be SOMEWHAT CRAPPY! Hey wait...there's one last thing in Revelations... "I, John, solemnly warn everyone who hears the prophetic words of this book: if any add anything to them, Godd will add their punishment the plagues described in this book. And if any take of anything away from the prophetic words of this book, God will take away from them their share of the fruit of the tree of life and the Holy City, which are described in this book." Dammit, it looks like I'm going to have one miserable apocalypse! You IDIOT! The APOCALYPSE is already OVER! Plus, you're GOD! Then who does that apply to? The CINNABAR WEBMISTRESS! CINNABAR WEBMISTRESS: ****! CINNABAR WEBMISTRESS ran away! BATTLE fizzled out!