Battle #31 May 9th, 2001 My Schizophrenia's Cured Now--We're Fine Now (Or: Long Island Accents Are Annoying) Player: Kelly, MHE (Some sort of win in any shape or form.) Writer: Dacta MPR (Dammit, Mikey, your Long Island accent is probably annoying, but you have to come back!) KELLY MHE is walking down a ROAD! Terribly cliched theme. I can't wait to see what happens next. I'm sure a tree will suddenly appear. NARRATOR: Dammit! BLEE appeared! Blee? Is this some excuse to make me think that I'm not being attacked by a tree? This isn't a TREE! It's a BLEE! Please. It has bark and leaves and the only thing that's disguising it are those Groucho glasses. But aren't they COOL GROUCHO GLASSES? No, they're not. They're cheap plastic. ...Will you STOP DISSING the WEBMISTRESS' PATHETIC ATTEMPT at HUMOR? I'm afraid it's not possible. That's what the character Kelly was created for. Or WAS she? POKEDEX ENTRY: KELLY--Kelly, originally a cheap knock-off of the White Version Webmistress' stand partner, Over time she has developed to the god-like Kelly, MHE, but her sarcasm has decreased. My sarcasm has DECREASED? What kind of a cheap entry is that?! Die, Pokedex! KELLY MHE used DIE POKEDEX! POKEDEX refused to DIE! POKEDEX wants to fight! Oh God... Go, Incredibly Obnoxiously Long Spear. KELLY MHE sent out IOLS! POKEDEX sent out POKEDEX! POKEDEX used INFORMATION! KELLY MHE was INFORMATED that CRIMSON KING is currently WEARING GIRL'S UNDERWEAR while SINGING ALONG to BRITNEY SPEARS! CRIMSON KING: Oh baby, baby...how was I supposed, ta know.. CRIMSON KING saw INTRUDERS! CRIMSON KING: Umm, well, about this...AHH! CRIMSON KING ran away! Too...much...information... POKEDEX used EVIL LAUGH! It's super evil! Hmmm...he left this bra... A D? Ha! Who does he think he is, Lorelei? Now I'm supposed to have my "Pokemon" ::cough:: attack, correct? Stop MOCKING POKEBATTLES! But that's my whole /role/ in Pokebattles! Well, KELLY MHE is FIRED from that ROLE! Fine! I wasn't even getting any income from it! DACTA MPR: Erm, well, actually, you were, but you know, I really needed money for a trip to Hawaii... ...Run before I decide to figure that one out. DACTA MPR ran away! KELLY MHE won against DACTA MPR! Uh, Incredibly Obnoxiously Long Spear, use...Spear? IOLS used SPEAR! Ally BRITNEY SPEARS appeared! Dammit, I thought I got rid of her! Ally BRITNEY SPEARS: Like, I was only going away with Justin for, like, the publicity. ...Then what have you been doing for the rest of the time? Ally BRITNEY SPEARS: Uh, like, doing some sort of commercial with this bad politician. What's his name again? Bob Dole? Ally BRITNEY SPEARS: Oh YEAH! Anyway, what, like, a BORE! All he did was bitch and, like, RANT about Clinton! I'm SO glad I didn't, like, VOTE for him! Were you even legal at that time to vote at all? Ally BRITNEY SPEARS: Well, like, no, but I got this really cute guy to vote for me for only a million bucks. Come to think of it, I never really saw him vote... Ally BRITNEY SPEARS used TWIRL HAIR! It's super annoying! I think I must kill her... ...but later. Her fakeness may come in handy for this battle. Ally BRITNEY SPEARS: Like, why are you talking to yourself? Are you, like, schizo...schizo... Ally BRITNEY SPEARS used BLANK LOOK! SCHIZOPHRENIA is TOO LONG of a WORD for Ally BRITNEY SPEARS' BRAIN to PROCESS! Ally BRITNEY SPEARS exploded! Ugh, messy... POKEDEX used DOWNLOAD! POKEDEX began DOWNLOADING KELLY MHE! Eh? POKEDEX downloaded KELLY MHE 5.0! KELLY MHE 5.0 was SENT OUT! Whoa! That's one large rack you have there! KELLY MHE 5.0: Heh, thanks, the Isis Breast Enhancing System does wonders. Now DIE! KELLY MHE 5.0 pulled out IOLS 5.0! An upgraded spear...pssh, it won't make any difference. I AM IMMORTAL! IOLS 5.0 cut off KELLY MHE's ARM! ...Well, that's not a pleasent sign. I suppose this is the time I should be running around screaming and batting at my arm which is not currently there. EXACTLY! Well, here I go. And make a note that I'm trying here. Ahhh... Oh, it's just not working. Get a load of THIS, 5.0! KELLY MHE 5.0 got a LOAD of THIS! THIS was TOO HEAVY to CARRY! KELLY MHE 5.0 died! That was quick. Looks like I need to directly attack this Pokedex by myself. Touji, get over here! TOUJI: Comin'! TOUJI appeared! What took you so long? TOUJI: Sorry, I got caught up in dis apocalypse... That's always your excuse! "My left leg got taken off by an Angel", "My sister got crushed by an Evangelion", "I'm actually the Fourth Child"...Why can't you think of  a reasonable excuse, like "It took long to put on my make-up?" TOUJI used HANG HEAD! It's super ashaming! Now get out there and fight! TOUJI: Why can't YOU fight? I don't wanna break a sweat. Now go! Go, TOUJI! TOUJI: Lazy broad. I heard that. POKEDEX used WIRE SLAP! TOUJI was SLAPPED with WIRE! That's gonna leave a mark. TOUJI: Ooow...you're gonna pay for dat, stupid Pokedex! POKEDEX used SPELL CHECK! POKEDEX found INFINITE SPELLING ERRORS in TOUJI's SPEECH! Well, that's kind of obvious. Unless "dat" is a word. TOUJI: Dat's it! Nobody insults my accent and gits away wit it! TOUJI used UPGRADE! TOUJI began UPGRADING POKEDEX! Despite the fact that he's never had training in computer engineering... TOUJI: It ain't a problem. I just put dat dere, and cut dis wire here... POKEDEX used ELECTRICUTE! What? TOUJI is evolving! TOUJI evolved into KENTUCKY FRIED TOUJI! Mmm...a crispy layer of outer skin, deep fried to perfection. KELLY MHE's MOUTH began WATERING! KFTOUJI used DISTURBED LOOK! Um, sorry about that intrusion. What? POKEDEX is evolving! POKEDEX evolved into GHETTODEX! GHETTODEX: Who you upgradin', foo? You best be watchin' yo back! KFTOUJI: That'll teach ya to critisize my English! GHETTODEX: Oooh, now you gonna be whipped, biatch! I fail to see this funny. Does NARRATOR have to STRAP YOU to a METAL CHAIR with your EYES TAPED OPEN and tapes of ROSIE O'DONELLL SHOW going? Ha! Ha! This horrible impression of Cinnabar Webmistress trying to sound black is hilarious! CINNABAR WEBMISTRESS: Hey...are you mocking me? Oh. Definitely not. CINNABAR WEBMISTRESS: Ok, because if you are... GHETTODEX used HOMIE G'S! HOMIE G'S: Yo yo, whassap, my ghettodex dawg? GHETTODEX: Hey, mah homies, this Touji bruddha is gettin' on my back, you got my back, bruddha? HOMIE G'S: Well, we best be beatin' him, dont ya think, my g-dawg? GHETTODEX: Hell yeah, muthaf**ka! HOMIE G'S attacked! Quick, Touji, use something! TOUJI used SOMETHING! It's super effective! HOMIE G'S died! GHETTODEX: Mah homie g dawgs! You gonna be eatin' lead for dat, bruddha! CRIMSON KING appeared! CRIMSON KING: Let me handle this. What can /you/ do? CRIMSON KING: I'm from Long Island. Ooooh...go right ahead. KIMMI appeared! CRIMSON KING and KIMMI used LONG ISLAND ACCENT! GHETTODEX: Oh! Mah sacred ears, yo! That's painful, yo, don'tcha think you could cut me some slack? KIMMI: Like, totally, no! GHETTODEX: Oh, my dawgs, I best be goin' now! GHETTODEX ran away! KELLY MHE won against GHETTODEX! Good Buddha...wait, something seems incomplete about this battle....I've got it! There wasn't a single cameo! EVERYONE used GASP! RANDOM PERSON: The end is here! RANDOM PERSON threw HIMSELF off CLIFF! JASON ROSS appeared! JASON ROSS: What am I doing in this atrocious battle? Ahhh...the world is safe now. BATTLE fizzled OUT!