| Battle #37: Jason Ross' Ex-Girlfriend Player: Dacta MPR Setting: Vague and Unimportant Location By DactaMPR and CrimsonKing Hey, I thought I was dead! DACTA MPR is like the QUEEN MUM! She JUST won't DIE! FLASHFIRE: Y'know, I should take great offense at that... but I'm not. Shut up, Flash. FLASHFIRE: Yes, master. Alright, let's see my to-do list... jump Eric, jump Damos, jump Toby... hmm, where DOES the time go? TIME went on VACATION! Damn lazy Time... TIME MAGAZINE, however, is STILL at WORK! Who cares about Time Magazine? ... ... Next subject... RANDOM PICTURE flew into DACTAMPR's FACE! Gah! Can't see! DACTAMPR began STUMBLING around! DACTAMPR fell off CLIFF! Oh, well, this is pleasant... DACTAMPR ripped off PICTURE! SKIN was RIPPED OFF as WELL! Bah. Just a bit of skin. DACTAMPR's FACE floated away in the WIND! I'll just get that later and... WHOA! It's a picture of Jason and a girl! A girl... that isn't ME! It's super offending! DACTAMPR's RAGE level is RISING! DACTAMPR's PMS LEVEL rose! NARRATOR reminds DACTAMPR she's STILL FALLING! JESS MPR caught up with DACTA MPR! JESS MPR: So you're falling too now? No time... to converse... DACTA MPR is STEAMING! JESS MPR took out PORTABLE FAN! JESS MPR: You know, your eye really bugs when you get mad. EYE popped out of SOCKET! Oh crap! Come back here! DACTAMPR began chasing her EYE! Come back here, god awful eye! EYE jumped into DACTA MPR's MOUTH! DACTA MPR accidentally SWALLOWED EYE! ...Shit. JESS MPR: Actually, you look better without the eye. Really? JESS MPR: Yeah! You might start a trend! PEOPLE begin GOUGING out EYES! ...Ew. JESS MPR: It hurts to be beautiful. NARRATOR points out that it would be IMPOSSIBLE for DACTA MPR to CHASE after her EYE, being that she is still FALLING! ...oh fuck off, Narrator. JESS MPR and DACTA MPR landed in FOREST! Oi... DACTA MPR looked up and saw BIG SIGN! SIGN: JASON ROSS' EX! DOES THIS KNOWLEDGE HAVE TO FOLLOW ME EVERYWHERE?! BRANCH blew away from SIGN! SIGN: JASON ROSS' SEX! Ahhhh! ANOTHER BRANCH blew away from SIGN! SIGN: JASON ROSS' SEX WITH ROBBYMVB! AHHHHH! YET ANOTHER BRANCH blew away from SIGN! SIGN: JASON ROSS' SEX WITH ROBBYMVB! NOW ON PAY-PER-VIEW! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! DACTA MPR ran in OTHER DIRECTION! JESS MPR: Dacta! Wait! DACTA MPR ran too FAST! JESS MPR: Pffft. That's unlikely. NARRATOR slapped JESS MPR! JESS MPR: Damn bitchy Narrator. Pffft. I always lose her anyway. I'll find her later. HIGHLY DOUBTABLE! NARRATOR will SEE to THAT! JESS MPR appeared! ...D'OH! JESS MPR: You won't get away! I'll fight you if I have to! Ah, fuck it, I don't think Poke Battles needs another pointless conflict in it. Besides, I don't think any one battle could withhold that much pure estrogen. JESS MPR: Okay. Want to team up, in that case? After all, it's not like people in a Poke Battle ever do anything besides fight and team up. Or both simultaneously. Sure. Want to have a sexy lesbian encounter to celebrate? JESS MPR slaps DACTA MPR! JESS MPR: What'd you say that for, ya crazy screw? I... I don't know! I felt compelled by an uncontrollable outside force to say it! That must mean this is the part of the battle CrimsonKing wrote. JESS MPR: Damn the villain! We'll have to hunt hm down and make passionate love to him! Whaaaa?? JESS MPR: I have a feeling CrimsonKing is still writing this. I've had enough! Let's catch the bastard and show him what a sexy animal we think he is! JESS MPR: Say what? >_< You know what I mean. WILL the MPRs catch CrimsonKing??? WILL the one-eyed faceless trend become the next big thing??? WILL Jason Ross' porno special be on at 8:00 or 8:30??? WILL a Cinnabar Version battle end without fizzling out??? NO! Fiddlesticks. |