| Battle #8: Under Pressure Player Name: Surfer Setting: Empty Lot Odd... I was told to come here for a battle, but I don't see a set or actors anywhere. It's almost like the Crimson King just threw this battle together at the last second or something. But that's just ridiculous. CRIMSON KING appeared! CRIMSON KING: Quick, do something funny! I just threw this battle together at the last second before the Network is updated! Funny? Hmm... SURFER used SURF! There, was that funny enough? What do you think? CRIMSON KING used BOLT OF HADES! SURFER died! CRIMSON KING: That's how funny I thought it was, punk... oh crap! I just killed my main character! Under normal circumstances that wouldn't be such a bad thing, but I've got at least 16 more lines to fill! CRIMSON KING is in a DILEMMA! JASON ROSS appeared! JASON ROSS: Now, time to rank Cinnabar Version... Oh my God! My mind! It can't comprehend the sheer awfulness of this last-second update!! ARRRRGGGGHHHH.... JASON ROSS melted into a PUDDLE of FLOURESCENT GOO! CRIMSON KING: Er... don't worry, folks, I'm sure that the Narrator's just exaggerating... hey I think I see Jason getting up again right now... CRIMSON KING assembled a JASON ROSS VENTRILOQUIST DUMMY! CRIMSON KING: Y'see, he's gonna be just fine! Say hello to the nice folks, Jason! JASON ROSS DUMMY: Hello, people! CRIMSON KING: Why don't we do a trick for the nice audiance, Mini-Jason? I've got a good one! I'll drink this glass of water, and you can rank my website! JASON ROSS DUMMY: Fun! CRIMSON KING drinks a shot of LIQUOR! JASON ROSS DUMMY: But Crimson, that's not water! CRIMSON KING: Shut up and update, short stuff! CRIMSON KING drinks some more! JASON ROSS DUMMY types! JASON ROSS DUMMY: I...was...immensely...hmm, how do you spell immensely? Ah well, close enough. Immensely...impressed...by...the...wit... wit? Maybe wit isn't strong enough... hey Crimson, how does "Godlike sense of humor" sound? CRIMSON KING: Don't bother me while I'm drinking, lil' Jase. JASON ROSS DUMMY: Oh, okay. JASON ROSS DUMMY finishes writing! CRIMSON KING: Urp... how'd it turn out, Ross Jr.? JASON ROSS DUMMY:First place of course, Mr. King! Say, did anyone ever tell you you smell like meat sauce when you're drunk? CRIMSON KING: Shut up, little buddy. The Very Pathetic End! |