| Battle #17 Clones Player: Suzuhara Touji (Loss vs. Cinnabar Webmistress) SUZUHARA TOUJI was YANKED out of GARBAGE DISPOSAL! Ack...I'm covered in dis stuff dat appeared to be stickin' to me... THAT was DACTA MPR's GUM! Ugh...who da hell saved *my* sorry ***? RSACi did! And TOUJI better SHAPE UP with his LANGUAGE! Anodda onea those language restrictions...? Besides, DACTA MPR thinks TOUJI is CUTE! Eh, dis Dacta has *some* taste. TOUJI rolls his EYES! DACTA MPR warns she STILL can PMS! Eh heh heh...nice gum dere, Dacta. DACTA MPR blushes! FIELDY FAN appeared! DACTA MPR: Oh crap...it's my evil clone! Actually, DACTA MPR is more EVIL than FIELDY FAN! DACTA MPR: True. Whoa! It's like da Ayanami thing all over again! Shut up, YOU weren't even IN that EPISODE! Yeah, dat's because I was sufferin' from a lack of legs, yo! Hey, wait a sec...why day hell do I have my leg back? DACTA MPR doesn't like to see TOUJI in PAIN! Well, I wasn't really in pain, y'see, because it had been gone for a while- Shut up and just THANK DACTA MPR, you unworthy MORTAL! DACTA MPR: You've gone too far, Narrator... HOW has NARRATOR gone too FAR? DACTA MPR: You're being disrespectful to Touji! So? He's JUST a CHARACTER? DACTA MPR: Just a character? Apisstah! I refuse to believe this! Yeesh, apparently we have one strong otaku on our hand. DACTA MPR: Shut up, you! DACTA MPR glares! Eep...glare...paralyzin' me... DACTA MPR: Muaha. Damn, if I didn't know betta, I would take ya for an Asuka clone. DACTA MPR: Now don't get insulting! FIELDY FAN demands FIELDY! FIELDY FAN does not like TOUJI! DACTA MPR: How can she NOT like Touji?! She's ME! ... It's ALL over DACTA MPR's level! DACTA MPR: I'm at level 100, stupid... But THIS is at LEVEL 101! DACTA MPR ate RARE CANDY! D'oh! DACTA MPR grew to LEVEL 101! Attack: 1 Special Attack: 1 Defense: 0 Speed: 1 Stupidity: 5,000,000,000,000,000...etc. DACTA MPR: Whoo hoo! My attack *finally* rose above zero! DACTA MPR can now SEE it! DACTA MPR: Dude! It's so...dude! Hey, whattaya seein' there? DACTA MPR: Ah, it's so beautiful...even more so than Touji! HEY! I JUST LOST MY ONLY FAN! Technically, TOUJI has ONE OTHER fan! Yeah, well, who? That GIRL with that SITE! ...yer not helpin', Narrator. NARRATOR knows! TOUJI lost LAST FAN! Man...all dose Ayanami fans need ta open dere eyes... AYANAMI FANS have OPENED their EYES! THAT's why they chose AYANAMI! Damn narration... What? DACTA MPR is SPLITTING! SPLIT PERSON is TOUJI FAN! Well, I do have a fan now, don't I? Heh heh... DACTA MPR: Crap, now I have *two* evil clones! |
| Technically- DACTA MPR: Shut up! They're both evil! DACTA MPR wants to fight! Wit' who? With TOUJI! Waaah?? DACTA MPR: Sorry, but the only way to get rid of Touji Fan is to kill you...trust me, this will hurt me more than it'll hurt you. But yer gonna KILL me! DACTA MPR: True. Somehow it works out... Yeah, it'll work out when dey come to a conclusion of what pi really equals. TOUJI actually said something INTELLIGENT for a CHANGE! Shaddap, damn narration. NARRATOR wonders what TOUJI FAN sees in TOUJI! TOUJI FAN: Everything! I mean, he has five fingers and a palm! -.- Why couldn'tcha kill this Fieldy character instead? DACT AMPR: Because Fieldy is a real person, and you are merely a figment of Gainax's imagination. Does dat really make me a bad person? DACTA MPR: It doesn't even make you a PERSON! Plus, you're not even BORN! You're born December 26, 2001, you idiot! It hurts ta hear dat from my only fan... TOUJI spits on his FINGERS! TOUJI wiped FINGERS on EYES so TOUJI looked like TOUJI is CRYING! DACTA MPR, however, remains OBLIVIOUS to this! DACTA MPR: W-wait, don't cry! TOUJI FAN: Look at that! YOU MADE HIM CRY! YOU WILL DIE!!! TOUJI FAN wants to fight! Well, it looks like I have two chicks fightin' over me...heh, this'll be good. DACTA MPR: You're worse than Crimson King. DACTA MPR used DEATH JAVILIN! TOUJI FAN avoided it! DEATH JAVILIN hit TOUJI! Oh, *dat* is even more painful den losin' my leg, yo. DACTA MPR & TOUJI FAN: YOU KILLED TOUJI, YOU IDIOT! DACTA MPR and TOUJI FAN began STRANGLING each OTHER! Ok, settle down, ladies, lemme just pull this thing outta my chest... TOUJI pulled DEATH JAVILIN out of CHEST! Ah, now dat's better. Blood is pouring out all over da ground, but it'll eventually find its way back into my body, right? ... Right? ... Aw, damn. TOUJI is dying! Well, dat's painful. Ruining my FILA jacket too...damn, that was my only article of clothing. DACTA MPR: But Touji CAN'T die! Oh, yes he CAN! NARRATOR laughs EVILLY! DACTA MPR reminds NARRATOR she is WRITING the BATTLE! DAMMIT! TOUJI is MYSTERIOUSLY HEALED! DACTA MPR will now KILL TOUJI FAN! DACTA MPR grabbed BLOODY DEATH JAVILIN off GROUND! GROUND: Thanks. DACTA MPR: Not a problem. Tell me when dis battle ends...zzzz... DACTA MPR stabbed at TOUJI FAN! TOUJI FAN moved out of the WAY! DEATH JAVILIN hit TOUJI! Urgh! I really can't get any sleep with dese crazy chicks around, can I? Probably NOT! Ok, I've been hit with dis thing two times. Why ain't I dead? Could it possibly BE...?! Another KELLY type CHARACTER...?! NAH! KELLY MHE appeared! |
| KELLY MHE: Where's Eric? He's in Aqua Version, yo. Even I know dat. KELLY MHE: My Eric...I'm coming. KELLY MHE jumped through RANDOM PORTAL! RANDOM PORTAL lead to HELL! KELLY MHE: Damn! Hot! Hot! Hot! SATAN came out of PORTAL! Yo, Satan. Let's make a deal. SATAN: I like the start of this. You grant me eternal life, and you, my fine horned friend, get my soul. How's dat? Wouldn'tcha like the soul of the fourth children? SATAN: Tempting...so tempting. Granted. SATAN will get TOUJI's SOUL when TOUJI dies! Hah! I didn't tink Satan could be so stupid, yo! I ain't gonna die--so how ya gonna get my soul? SATAN:...DAMMIT! TOUJI grabbed DEATH JAVILIN! TOUJI better pull it OUT of his CHEST first! Uh, dat would be a good idea. TOUJI pulled it OUT of his CHEST! TOUJI launched it at SATAN! SATAN died! DACTA MPR: How can SATAN die? ...it happens! KELLY MHE fells out of PORTAL... ...and into TOUJI's ARMS! Finally, we get a GOOD lookin' chick into the picture. KELLY MHE: Get offa me, I'm looking for Eric! KELLY MHE launched SPEAR through TOUJI's HEART! TOUJI can't DIE, idiot! KELLY MHE: Oops. DACTA MPR: Well, it appears this battle is about to fizzle out. I guess I'll just kill Fieldy Fan, because Touji Fan keeps avoiding my Death Javilin. DACTA MPR grabbed DEATH JAVILIN out of SATAN! DACTA MPR: Urgh...Satan doesn't even have blood? DACTA MPR threw DEATH JAVILIN at FIELDY FAN! FIELDY FAN dodged! DEATH JAVILIN hit TOUJI! I should start gettin' used to dis... Whaddaya say we run for da hills? KELLY MHE: Who said I was going with you? Da webmistress thought it would be a good plot. KELLY MHE: The Webmistress thinks the Aqua Version Webmaster is CUTE, idiot. ... Yeah, dat is a down side to the chick. But whaddaya say? You, me, immortal organisms, we just be allies, yo? KELLY MHE: ...do you still have EVA Unit 03? Ya idiot, it was taken over by dat Angel #13, of course I don't have it! EVA 03 appeared! ::blink:: How can I trust dis thing? It nearly had me killed! In some senses, YES! But with CINNABAR VERSION technology, it's been UPGRADED so ANGELS can't CONTROL it! But I thought...oh neva mind, neva bother talkin' to someone who hasn't even see da damn episode and just relies on episode guides. DACTA MPR wants YOU to SHUT UP! KELLY MHE: Whee! Ok, I'll go with you! ::sigh:: It's like dat whole theory of da guy with da good car gets da chick...but apparently in dis battle it's da guy with da good EVA dat gets the girl...heh heh, BITE ME, SHINJI! SHINJI didn't want KELLY MHE anyway! Shaddap, you know ya did. SHINJI isn't even HERE! ... Let's go, Kelly. KELLY MHE: Um, you might want to take that javilin out of your chest. Nah, it's cool. I tink it looks sexy. KELLY MHE coughs! KELLY MHE and TOUJI became ALLIES! But how are we gonna move da EVA? SHE just wanted to SEE it! KELLY MHE: Yeah, see, I need some proof... Oh shaddap...I can't believe I allied someone who had a cello as a former ally... KELLY MHE: Hey, it was YOUR idea! KELLY MHE and TOUJI went of ARGUING into the SUNSET! |