Battle #4(2): YORE MOTHERE December 3rd 2001
Setting:The Cotton Candy Room
Player: The Green Shyguy
Piee... and women...
WAKE THE F*** UP!
IT'S NOT MY KID!
Thank god, you're finally awake.
Eh?
You've been passed out since you murdered the psychiatrist and went on that killing spree.
Killing spree? Blood... guts?
Ah, up and about I see.
Shut up. What are we supposed to be doing again?
Writing battles and gaining skillz.
Ive already got skillz.
Watching the matrix, making hentai jokes, calling deb mom, and hanging out and being stupid in #pokebattles arent skillz.
There's four of them. Im halfway there.
...Shut up.
Moving onward... make with the new characters, now.
I just got up, just let me ea-
TGS's FOOT was put into his MOUTH!
Hows breakfast?
*pops foot out of mouth*
Oo
what?
You just...
Oh, I got sick of red text and decided to do it on my own. I AM the webmaster you know.
...damn you. Well in this realm, you're just another pawn at my commands!
Actually I-
SHUT THE F*** UP AND WORK!
Your wish is my command.
Player: Wes, the slab of unmoving stupid.
Setting: Someplace, you're just grilling me for facts today eh, mr. nosey?
Oh this is origninal so far.
Huh?
Nothing.
Where am I?
Up your ass.
Thats not nice.
I'm not nice.
So ur mean?
I should have expected it. An AOL'er. Lemme Guess. X-box fan?
She kicks hi.
Note to self- "Delete TGS's pr0n servers"
pr0n is bad and unholy.
Ah, a touch of Jpg too.
JPG: Whats wrong with being pure?
Shut up.
Stop telling meh to shut down.
Stop being stupid.
Yore Mothre
oO YOU DIDNT JUST GO THERE.
I go plenty places with yore mothre
WES's WANG WAS...
Wait... this is one of TGS's tests. To see if I can not resort to violence.
TGS: HEH! IM EEEVHAL!
...So am I.
Wes's wang was shattered into a thousand tiny shards of pain and discomfort.
Ouch.
....
That's you're cue.
Oh. OOWWWW! OH! PAIN, TORTURE, I BEG FOR DEATH BUT IT ESCAPES ME!
Jeezus christ, He's worse than TGS.
Yore Mothre
Feh, im stopping this carnage now.
U cannot beat meh.
The webmaster has deemed it so.
I deemed your mom pretty good last night.
>< NEAH! Not my m0m.
Yes your m0m. And your m0m's m0m. And your mommas sistas brothas cousins daddys dogs girlriends owners aunts kitty cats wussy of a black mage.
Make it stooop!
WES ran away CRYING.
I laugh for joy.
HEHEHEHEh.
Player:
No way it gets worse than this, im ready for anything.
Player: Mike the pothead.
Note to self- "Tie TGS down and force him to say hes a mother of a donkey."
Will the narrator back down, or will he prevail TGS's onslaught of meaningless characters. Find out next time for episode 5. "Narrator Crumbles", or "Torture of the green one."
Battle #4(1): Shyguy goes to the beach June 15th 2001
Setting:The Pink Room
Player: The Green Shyguy
Reading the title of this battle, I assume I want to go to the beach.
TGS wants to go to the beach!
I suddenly wish to go to the beach!
Oh screw this normal narrator stuff. It gets boring after too long.
You think so too?
Yeah, lets get to the beach.
We never MADE a beach. We just have a planet encased in pink shag carpeting!
That has to be WEIRD.
Moreso than I even. So lets get with the making or something.
NARRATOR used PAINT!
OCEAN was painted to 3/4's of CCV!
Let me get this straight... We just went from NO WATER to 4 oceans full of PAINT? DID YOU EVEN BOTHER TO USE THE NON-LEAD VARIETY?
KIDS love it!
Love what?
Paint... wall candy... know?
Like the whole bong thing in the first battle... that explains SO Much of pokebattles to me.
Just please do me a favor and like... make the paint into water or something?
Hrm... Ok... Just let me get my equipment.
What equipment?!? You're the narrator! YOU SPEAK AND IT HAPPENS IN A PUFF OF FREAKING SMOKE!
Precisely. I need to go get my smoke generator. Things would be SO boring without smoke!
-_-; Whatever.
Ok, there we go... it's set up.
Ok....
NARRATOR used CHANGE!
WATER was CHANGED into CHOCOLATE CAKE!
ARG! NOT CAKE! (although thats a good idea) WATER!
NARRATOR tried again!
NARRATOR used CHANGE!
WATER was changed to JELLO!
ARRAHRHAGH! DAMMIT NARRATOR! ONE MORE CHANCE!
NARRATOR used CHANGE!
TGS was given CHANGE!
Hrm... how strange... you gave me exactly 99 cents.
You know with 10-10-220 you can get 20 minutes of talking for that dollar there, TGS.
TGS slapped his HEAD!
Is TGS in confusion?
*sigh*... 93 versions and Im the only one that gets an incompetent narrator.
TGS was hit by LIGHTENING BUG!
Dont you mean lightening?
No, its a virus, you know, like the love bug? Except all it does is get your caps lock key stuck.
JUST CHANGE THE JELLO TO WATER!
Jeez... you dont have to scream about it.
IM NOT SCREAMING! YOU JUST GOT MY CAPS LOCK KEY STUCK YOU DUMBASS!
Hrm... so I did...
ANYWAY...
NARRATOR snickers...
YOUR ASS IS GRASS BUDDY...
NARRATOR regains compsure!
NARRATOR used CHANGE!
Not enough PP for CHANGE!
TELL ME WE ARENT STUCK ON A PLANET COVERED IN PINK SHAG CARPETING, WITH 4 OCEANS FULL OF JELLO!
Um... look at it this way... we're the retirement king on the network! We'll make billions!
JUST SO YOU KNOW... I AM SCREAMING NOW!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!
IM GONNA BREAK BAD ON YOUR NONEXISTING ASS!
AAAAH!
BATTLE USED END!
BATTLE ENDED!
Well that was abru-... HEY! MY CAPS LOCK IS GONE!
Take another look at that sentence!
Shyguy angrily eyes narrator...
BATTLE ENDED! (Really!)
Battle #3: EH! June 15th 2001
Setting:Psychiatrists Office
Player: The Green Shyguy
EH!...?
WTF kind of name for a battle is EH!?
The kind of name for this one.
Fair enough. Why am I at the shrink's office?
Because you have been under the sink in the bathroom for three days now, crying about that stupid Diablo game.
YOU DESTROYED OVER 2000+ HOURS OF GAMETIME! I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE A LITTLE PISSED OFF!
Dr Fokker: Who iz zee shyguy? eh?
....Did I make him? Cause I dont remember making him.
I dont know... I guess the stupidity of a version soon manifests itself into something. All I remember making was the initial planet and that room.
BTW how did we make a room without a house?
I dunno.
Dr. Fokker: Excuze me, but why do you two geeentlmen feel zee need to speak as thou you created zis world?
Because we DID you no talent hack!
For once, NARRATOR agrees.
Dr.Fokker: Now I'll have you know zat zee doctiuar went to zee havad univerzity.
It obviosly wasnt for speech classes. Harvard CN?
Dr. Fokker:More like zee... Louzieana.
Ok then, what we have ACCADENTALLY made here is a Lousianan Psychiatrist Doctor... Strange..
I think the auidence will agree with me when I say WTF?
So, may I azk zee patient why ze refer's to himzelf az a "Zyguy"?
Narrator, translation?
Hell if I know.
He asked something about your species. I think he made fun of it. Zyguy?
Narrator snickered
TGS jumped on ZEE DOCTORS head, pulling out his BERETTA to IT!
Congrats narrator, thats the first attack you've narratoed correctly.
Thank you.
No Prob.
Dr. Fokker: I WUZ NOT INZINUATING ZAT ZERE WAS ANYZING WRONG WITH YOUR ZPECIES! I JUST CANT SAY MY Z'S CORRECTLY! DO NOT ZHOOT!
WTF? You sure as hell can say your z's right. Thats all I can understand!
He means his "S's", TGS.
Oh, alright. So he DIDN'T insult my race?
Now that I think of it, no.
Damn, I havent seen any blood since you delted my game, you wangless bastard.
TGS sat DOWN!
TGS's LEGS fell off!
ARRRRRRRGHHH!
Now what did I tell you about saying things about my wang?
I TAKE IT BACK! ITAKEITBACK!
TGS's LEGS reattached THEMSELVES!
Thank god...
Dr. Fokker: Amazink! I have nevar zeen zuch a zink!
Good for you. So, anything else?
Dr. Fokker: Juzt a vew more queztionz for you.
Dr.Fokker: Again why do you feel zee need to call yourzelf a zyguy? Promlemz at zee home? Problemz with women?
Heh, hes got a few problems with women, like he cant GET ONE!
Oh shut up you. No, I'm a shyguy. Thats what I am.
Dr. Fokker: Why do you conzeder yourzelf a zyguy?
Because its in my Genome?
Dr. Fokker: Zo it doez come back to zour parentz.
You know narrator, imitating a feench accent so you make all the "S's" "Z's" just aint workin out.
I've noticed.
Think anyone's still reading this battle by now?
No.
At anyrate, F*** it, next question.
Dr. Fokker: Why doez zee patient feel zee need to uze ze voul language?
What did he say?
You cuss like a sailor. Why?
Oh, is that it? ILL TELL YOU WHEN TO DICTATE MY LANGUAGE YOU CHEAP FRENCH BASTARD!
Correction: Cheap (french) accent. French= Only semi-correct. Bastard=Well I wont get into that.
Thank you for that large shot of meaninglessness narrator. It has slapped me back to my senses.
NARRATOR gasped as SHYGUY sat down, calmly even!
EH!!! I knew that woundlt last long. Can we hurry up and get out of here? Ive got a new Diablo game started.
Dr. Fokker: AH! Zat's ze root of ze problem. Violent video games are veddy detromental. I will have to take your "Ziablo" until you are reddy for zee world again.
....Narrator.... did he just say he was going to take Diablo?Narrator thinks hes gonna leave now.
Of course, we shant be disturbing thy virgin eyes.
NARRATOR exits!
COUNTLESS gunshots used HEAR!
COUNTLESS gunshots were heard!
Narrator re-enters to find TGS standing amid a blood mass of flesh and bone!
Should I put one more clip in him?
I think youve made your point.
Yeah, lets just go, I need my daily intake of violence.
That wanst enough?
Hell no. Thats like putting sweet n' low in your coffee and calling it sugar. To the home, james!
Battle used END!
Battle Ended!
Battle #2: FIRE!! June 12th 2001
Setting:The Cotton Candy Room
Player: The Green Shyguy
YEEHAHAHAHAHA! DIE YOU MOTHER SCRATCHING SONS OF PEACHES!
I applaud your amazing ability... of not cussing?
Yeah I picked it up young. You know, with the help of monkeys and snit.
Really?
....Pardon my asking but what is a snit?
I'll tell you when you get older.
So um... shouldnt we be working on CCV?
WTF is CCV?
Cotton Cand Version abb.r'd
WTF is abb.r'd?
Um... abbrevieated?
TGS shrugs.
Your idea, not mine. And as for working, wait until im finished pummelling Satans assrse.....
WTF is a ASSRSE?
I said ARSE, you DUMBASS!
TGS slaps forehead!
You just HAD to do that didnt you?
Now we'll have that dumb Rscai! cloud or whatever the hell it is on us.
Not really... you see.... we can't afford censors...
Really? You have to PAY somebody to tell you not to say cusswords now?
Yep... its a sad world....
Yeah, f*** that...
WTF? They just censored me out! For saying "F***!" You LYER!
Heh, I just had to do that. And its Liar, not Lyer. Although yours does roll off ones tounge better.
You dont even have a tounge... or a body.. or a...
If you say wang, I'm going to cut off both your legs.
....foot?
Good boy.
Now lets get to work...
Yeah, about that... Could we like, wait until im done beheading demons and stuff?
WTF?
Diablo II, remember? The only computer game we own?
There we go with that we stuff again, and we have to work NOW!
Give me one good solid reason WHY it can't be US, and why we have to work now!
(1)Cause I created it, remember? I broke some laws of physics and made everything I own.
True Dat.
...And (2) So we can have a semi-good rating when we become official, and I'm sure THIS battle is helping alot!
Hang on! One more unique monster!
Narrator sighed!
Computer used CRASH!
NOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo........!
GAME DATA was LOST!
TGS stares blankly at the screen...
TWENTY minutes LATER, TGS bursts into tears, running into the bathroom like a 10-year-old girl!
YOU BASTARD! *nose blow sound, whatever the hell that is.*You kiled my game!
If it makes you feel any better, Im not sorry.
YOU... YOU... GENITILA-LESS BASTARD!
Oh shut up and get out here and finish this fight!
NO! I'm never coming out!
Sigh....
You didn't NARRATE!
NARRATER SIGHED! YA HAPPY?
NO! GO AWAY!
Narrator used END!
Battle Ended!
Well that was abru-