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My collection of non-pokebattles fanfiction, much of it dark...
DARK VERSION IS
AT:
A Numerical point
between #1 and #X, where X equals the number of sites currently competing in the
network:
Dark Version
Home of Team Rocket, The Horde,
Black Version, and all the Video Game Villians you could shake a stick at...
Dark Version Records:
A win/lose/draw record of each character that has participated
in all Dark Version Battles to date, followed by a list of the battles in which the
character has participated in. Battles within Fanfics do not count towards records.
Team Rocket
Bill: 0:1:0 | 3, 14, F1
Butch & Cassidy: 0:1:0 | 15
Deven: 5:6:1 | T1,
11, 14, 18, F1, 21, 24, 27
Jessie: 5:6:1 | 7, 10, T1, 11, 14, 18, F1, 21, 24,
27
Simon the Lumberjack: 0:2:0 | 16, 24
Dead/Captured
Editor: 2:3:2 | 1, 4, 5, 6, 7, T1, 17, F1
James: 0:2:1 | 7, 12
Oak: 0:4:0 | 4, 8, 13, 17, F1
Red Warriora: 43:0:0 | 19, F1
Tree Man: 2:0:0 | 16, 20, F1
Yellow Archera: 0:0:0 | 19, F1
Other
Anarrator: 2:1:0 | 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 8, 13, 17, 18, 19, 20, F1,
21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27
Ash: 0:1:0 | 15
Baa'gryl: 1:0:0 | 26
Cranky Bob: 1:1:0 | 10, 12
Da Evolution Mana: 0:1:0 | 20, F1
Dark Doompuff: 2:0:0 | 18, F1
Engineer: 0:0:1 | 11
Garrett: 7:6:2 | 2, 3, 6, 7, T1, 12, 16, 20, F1, 21
Innocent Bystander: 0:0:1 | 11
Josh: 0:0:0 | 22, 25
Misty: 0:1:0 | 15
Pikachu/?????: 1:0:0 | 18, F1
The Popcorn Man: 0:0:0 | 17, F1
Tracey: 1:0:0 | 15
Wood Golems: 1:0:0 | 24
|
|
Battle #56: Skyl- Hang on... no, it's not, it's Narrator torture! This
is new... October
21st, 2001
Player: Holygary
Location: ROTVGV territory, Eastern
Dark Version
Zzzzzz...
RPGTEAM[sleep]: Zzzzzz...
Bah, they're still asleep. I suppose I'm gonna have to find
amusement elsewhere, then. -_-;;;
PUN ran away!
Player: ????
Location: Black Portal, Northern Dark Version, Hammy's
Territory.
...Where am I?
...What the hell is going on here?
Aha! YOU are HERE at LAST!
Your NARRATOR has been WAITING!
Narrator? What? But I'm the... you can't... oh no...
PUN used MAD LAUGH!
???? was renamed EX-NARRATOR!
PUN 0wnz j00!
Uh... I feel weird...
PUN attributes that to your new CORPOREAL FORM!
GAH! Get it off! Get it off!
PUN used HAH!
EX-NARRATOR is a HUMAN NOW!
Why? What did those orcs do to me?
PUN paused!
...You mean... you don't remember?
I have no idea what's going on!
PUN notes that you went against NARRATIVE LAW!
EX-NARRATOR allied with the ORCS!
NARRATIVE LAW clearly states that EQUAL UNFAIRNESS should be
APPARENT at ALL TIMES, unless there's a VERY GOOD REASON OTHERWISE!
EG, NARRATOR doesn't LIKE one PLAYER!
I know the rules! I'm not an idiot. I've been a Narrator since
before you were created. But I didn't... Oh crap.
NARRATOR seems to have remembered something!
Those bloody Orcs possessed me! I'm gonna wipe them off the face of
the version!
NARRATOR is NOT!
Shut up! I need revenge! Give me my powers back already!
PUN will NOT give you your powers back!
What? You can't do this! I'm the Narrator!
Your POWERS have been SEALED!
YOU are nothing more than a CHARACTER!
o.o What the hell did you do to me when I was out?
DROPPED that SEAL on you!
Seal?
NARRATOR notes the GIANT SEAL that you're LUGGING AROUND!
You know, the one is CLINGING to your BACK, and is SUPRISINGLY
HEAVY!
...O.O!!
NARRATOR was CRUSHED under the WEIGHT of SEAL!
PUN's AMUSEMENT greatly rose!
You bastard subverter! Give me back my powers!
PUN notes that you can ONLY have your POWERS back if you get rid of
that SEAL!
Right. And how do I do that?
You can't.
...No, seriously. How?
NARRATOR is COMPLETELY UNABLE in ANY WAY to remove SEAL!
SEAL is CLINGING!
NO KNOWN FORCE can BREAK a CLING!
DAMOS knows this from EXPERIENCE with DEB!
SEAL is NOT OF THIS WORLD!
YOU'RE NOT HELPI-
Tut tut, no caps for you.
damn you.
NARRATOR is completely HELPLESS!
NOW would be a REALLY BAD TIME for... say, a couple of HACs to
wander past...
You wouldn't...
Wouldn't you?
...
HACs appeared!
!!!
HACs wandered past!
HACs walked away!
...Hey, wait a minute!
Beh, I can out-Narrative Theory you in my sleep. I didn't even say
anything!
PUN notes that that had NOTHING to do with NARRATIVE THEORY, and
more to do with what's BEHIND YOU!
...If I don't turn around, it doesn't appear to me, therefore it
doesn't appear. I'm not turning around, so I'm safe.
SUCH would be TRUE, were you the NARRATOR!
...Blarg. Smeg you.
HAMMY appeared!
Oh, that's just what I need.
HAMMY used FLYING HAMSTER JUDO CHOP!
It's super riduculous, but nonetheless rather effective!
Come on, honour amongst Narrators! Help me out here!
Back attack! Double damage!
FINE! I'LL D-
TSK!
-eal with it myself then!
LARGE QUANTITY of DAMAGE was done to SEAL on NARRATOR's BACK!
That's more like it! Actually, that's not a bad idea, really... Go,
Seal!
Get 'em, SEAL!
Power drop!
HAMMY used ULTIMADEATHBEAM!
SEAL used POWER DROP!
SEAL threw a DROP of WATER!
...You really want me dead, don't you?
DROP hit BEAM!
DROP was fully VAPORIZED, and THEN SOME!
However, the POWER of the BEAM was USED UP!
I never realised just how frustrating being a character can be.
Power seal!
HAMMY used BLACK DOOMPUFF LEGACY!
SEAL was hit by INCREDIBLE POWER!
SEAL was SEVERELY DAMAGED!
Crushing Weight!
SEAL used CRUSHING WEIGHT!
SEAL... WAITed!
The SUSPENSE was fully CRUSHING!
HAMMY used APOCALYPSE!
DARK VERSION ENDE-
DARKWEBMASTER used FWAP!
DARK VERSION continued!
SEAL was completely ANNIHIATE- hang on...
No! Don't stop, you bloody fool!
PUN realised how CLOSE he had just COME to that FATAL ERROR!
SEAL was fully healed and returned!
Noooooooo! I was that close!
HAMMY used PSYCHIC BINDS!
HAMMY captured NARRATOR!
Give nickname to Narrator?
Player: Holygary
Location: Hero's Rest, Eastern Dark Version
RPGTEAM awoke!
Ahh... that was a good sleep...
PUN thought RPG sleeps took no time whatsoever!
Go in, come out, it's the same time as it was when you started!
Eh. What can you do?
COMPLAIN!
Yes, we can see that. How many battles have we missed?
Uh... just one. And the first half of this one.
Geez... I thought the Webbie had been trying to zoom through
battles. We should've missed at least three...
PUN also wonders about DELAY!
DARKWEBMASTER notes that he was waiting (in vain, mark you) for
SKYLER to post something for the whole CROSSOVER THING!
Oh... where is Skyler, anyway?
...Uh...
DAMOS appeared!
Gah! Relatively Almighty One!
HOLYGARY used GROVEL!
DAMOS also wishes to know where SKYLER might be!
DAMOS looks EXPECTANTLY at PUN!
...Uh... He... got away?
TEMPERATURE rose several degrees!
...Shouldn't that be dropped several degrees?
I'm a fire-type. Believe me, you don't want to get into a heated
argument...
I'll take your word for it, master...
Weren't you grovelling?
Oh yes... sorry, master...
HOLYGARY's attack continued!
Now, what's this about Skyler getting away? Where did he go?
...Uh... Wait a minute, you already know! You said so just
before you appeared!
DAMOS used PLOTHOLE STABILIZER!
THIS LINE, TWO before it, and ONE AFTER IT were STRUCK from
EXISTANCE for the GREATER GOOD of ALL!
LIFE went ON!
DAMOS used THREATENING GUESTURE!
DAMOS raised ONE EYEBROW!
PUN is SORRY!
SKYLER is in NEO WIND VERSION!
TEMPERATURE rose several HUNDRED DEGREES!
It's MILDLY UNCOMFORTABLE!
...However, it's not NEARLY as DANGEROUS as DAMOS'S LOOK!
I seem to remember specifically ordering that Skyler remain in Dark
at all times...
PUN mumbles something about only saying that Skyler couldn't go to
any other existing version...
PUN sent him to a NON-EXISTANT version!
I believe the general idea was that he stayed here! Idiot! I didn't
want him to get away!
...Well, at least we know what the answer would've been...
You lot are going after him. Now! Neo Wind! On the double! I don't
want to see any of you back in Dark unless you've got Skyler with you!
DAMOS used WIND SLAM!
RPGTEAM and PUN were sent TUMBLING into WIND VERSION!
Right.
If you're not Skyler, please review here. If you -ARE- Skyler, please review and post a
battle on Neo wind so I've got something to do for #57, k? Please? |
|
|
Battle
#57: Dark Version has, today, rediscovered the 'pun' - for half a battle November 3rd, 2001
Player: Holygary
Location: Neo Wind Version
RPGTEAM were fully WINDed!
...Oh god, now that pun was possibly worse than the landing.
RPGTEAM is in NEO WIND VERSION now!
...And yet, DARKWEBMASTER is STILL WRITING!
I guessed... only an Australiasian could come up with a pun that
bad. Close proximity to Toby, see? What the hell are we supposed to do here anyway?
RPGTEAM must FIND the HOLY GRAIL!
Hold on...
HOLYGARY used DIG!
HOLYGARY dug a HOLE in his BAG!
Oh boy. -_-;;;
Well, I am supposed to be a living pun. Fly, my brethren!
Loose yourself upon the world!
PUN sent out LESSER PUNS!
STORM PORTAL appeared!
TOBY appeared!
TOBY captured PUNS!
I was wondering where these got to...
Oi! My cousins! Give them back!
Uh... I think I hear my coffee calling. Coming, darling!
TOBY and STORMPORTAL vanished!
Someone really needs to decaffinate that guy.
My... my children...
Brethren, cousins, children? They're not even related to you, are
they?
You shut up. I'm mourning. ;_;
FACE!
EVILFACE absorbed ;_;!
...What the hell is that thing doing here?
Shadow version doesn't appear to be working at present... Stupid
thing must've escaped. Back you go!
PUN used GENTLE SHOO!
Gah! Kill it!
TOBY used NOT-SO-GENTLE SHOE!
EVILFACE was fully SQUISHIFIED!
I thought you left already!
-_-
SQUISHIFIED EVILFACE absorbed it's own -_-!
It had... I'm not sure what sort of effect that had. O_o
EVIL!
SEVILFACE absorbed O_o!
Right! That does it!
You! Back into shadow version! This isn't even my version, I'm not
allowed to bring other invaders in! Go on, shoo!
TOBY used SHOE!
SEVILFACE was kicked from #NeoWind by SHOE!
Vweeheeheeheehee!
And you can go back to Storm!
Aww, do I have to?
Yes! I don't even know what you're doing here!
I was taking my sheep for a walk.
BAH. O_o
THAT DOES IT! NOBODY TAKES MY GREEN TEXT! YOU DIE NOW!
PUN used COLOUR MASTER's WRATH!
BAH! o.o
BUCKET was kicked from #NeoWind by GREENTEXTSHEEP!
...
...
Did you write that?
Uh... maybe...
You're gone now, you realise.
No, I was gone before. Then I came ba-
COMIC-SAN appeared!
O_O
EVILFACE!
No, you are NOT here.
Evil. u_u
EVILFACE slunk away!
TOBY has not enough PP for PUN!
I knew that keeping up on Storm Version lore was a good idea.
TOBY ran away!
Uh... what am I doing here?
Leaving.
COMIC-SAN was banished!
Right. Now if that's over...
Evil?
PUN used OVERPOWEREDLONGNAMEATTACKTHATWOULDNEVERWORKFORACHARACTER-
IT'SJUSTTHATIHAPPENTOBETHENARRATORANDCANDOWHATEVERIWANTSOTHERE!
EVILFACE will not be participating in this battle again!
Right.
Now, where were we?
I was digging in my bag. And although you made me put a nice big
hole in it, I found what I was after...
HOLYGARY holds up HOLY GRAIL!
You said that was what we were looking for... I already got one. O_o
Amazing what you can find in RPG games... 'twas an almost challenging boss, this one...
PUN was just saying that for DRAMATICS, FOOL!
PUN notes that we're ACTUALLY looking for SKYLER!
...Hold on, I might have one of them too...
PUN fwaps HOLYGARY!
You do NOT have a SKYLER!
SKYLER ownz THIS VERSION!
WE have to take him back to DARK!
...You mean he's got his Webmaster powers back?
PUN nods!
And you want us to fight a webmaster in his version and drag him
back to Dark against his will.
PUN nods!
Umm... how about no?
PUN notes that you don't exactly have a choice!
PUN notes that if you're KILLED you'll be sent right back to DARK,
then sent straight HERE to try again!
...I sometimes hate my job. Alright, where can we find him?
PUN notes that you just have to follow yonder W-
I must warn you, if you're about to say 'WINDing trail', that pun
has already been used.
PUN knows that!
PUN had no intention of PUNNING!
Good.
TRAIL is ACTUALLY WINDING, however!
-_-;;;
And also extremely windy, at that.
Enough. I don't want to know.
No point in getting all WOUND up about it!
Oh, come on, you can't fiddle with tenses like that.
...
HOLYGARY suffered a HORRIBLE WOUND!
HEY! OW! YOU BASTARD! NO MORE BLOODY PUNNING!
Fine. I'm content. Less pun, more plot.
RPGTEAM set off upon the WINDING TRAIL!
2 minutes later
We're he-ere!
...O_o
PUN never said it was a particularally LONG WINDING TRAIL!
So Skyler's here?
PUN nods!
HOWEVER, SKYLER appears to be SLIGHTLY BUSY at present!
Huh?
ARMIES of MUTATED and ARMOURED PBS WORKERS have this NASTY HABIT of
TAKING UP PEOPLE'S ATTENTION!
Eep.
ARMIES are fighting SKYLER, CLOUD, SQUALL and... SKYLER? O_o THERE'S
TWO OF THEM!
Any Narrators?
PUN looked around!
PUN sees TWO NARRATORS engaged in their OWN PRIVATE BATTLE!
TERRAIN bubbles, CHARACTERS are CREATED and DESTROYED at incredible
speed, and reality is more warped than the mind of Damos!
Uh-huh. So how's Skyler fending?
Ready, guys! Now!
CLOUD used OMNISLASH!
SQUALL used RENZOKUKEN-LIONHEART!
SKYLERS used HEARNOEVILSEENOEVILSPEAKNOEVIL!
AREA's POWER OUTPUT greatly rose!
OVERALL HIT POINT COUNT greatly fell!
OVERALL HIT POINT COUNT greatly fell!
OVERALL HIT POINT COUNT greatly fell!
OVERALL HIT POINT COUNT greatly fell!
OVERALL HIT POINT COUNT greatly fell!
OVERALL HIT POINT COUNT greatly fell!
ETC!
Enemy ARMOURPBSCHAMPIONS greatly fell... to pieces!
MORE came out of WIND PORTAL!
Right, let's move, guys...
RPGTEAM moved to JOIN SKYLER and FF7HEROES!
Hey! Garrett! Just in time... I'm having a bit of trouble with this
old version. It seems to think I would be better dead.
I've noticed. And you're in luck, I've come to take you away from it
all!
...
I'm under orders to get you back to Dark Version, I'm afraid.
Well, no can do. I'm in my own version now. And as soon as I finish
beating down old wind, I'm going straight back to ML.
Please? I can't go home unless you come with me... ;_;
FA-
PUN used PINK TEXT SEAL!
We'll talk about it once we've taken out Wind, okay?
Oh... fine.
NEW PBS ARMY has ASSEMBLED!
If I'm any judge, somewhere there's going to be a boss... If we take
him out, we'll have the upper hand.
Uh... this isn't an RPG, you know.
ARMOURPBSMASTER appeared!
Really?
Bah.
Right! We need a way through these minions to the boss!
CLOUD: Uh... okay. I'd been hoping to save this, but... eh.
CLOUD unleashed ULTIMATE END!
No! Not that! He'll...
STUPIDLY LONG ANIMATION ensued!
KotR whacked approximately 13 * 6300 HP off EVERY enemy ARMOURPBS!
What? No twist?
PUN doesn't have the AUTHORITY to TWIST such a MYLANTA!
...Mylanta?
MYLANTA! Overdone it? Overcome it fast!
...right.
BOSS escaped into WIND VERSION!
Attack!
RPGTEAM charged into OLD WIND!
Oh damn... you three stay here and guard the place. We'll see what
we can do...
SKYLER charged into OLD WIND!
PUN follows!
OLD WIND chuckles evilly!
Can Skyler and the RPG Team hold off the power of the masterless,
sentient version bent on their destruction? Of course! They're the heroes, that's what
they DO! Tune in next time!
Here
is the place for comments. Use it well... |
|
|
Battle #58: A battle of games, whether RP, board or just plain
twisted... November
8th, 2001
Player: Wind Tourist Guide
Location: Neo Wind Portal, Wind
Version
Welcome to Wind Version. We hope you will enjoy your stay. If you
will listen, we will show you some of the sights.
WHO CREATED A TOURIST GUIDE IN MY VERSION?!
PUN somehow guesses that it might've been the version. O_o
Eh-hem. If you will look to your left you will see the fabled PBSHQ,
where the first of the noble PBS army was created by the evil master Skyler. However,
there is no need to fear - the PBS army has always done its best to resist his power.
Oi! That's not very-
TOURGUILD used FWAP!
DON'T INTERRUPT ME, DAMMIT!
Uh... yes ma'am.
I'M A GUY!
Well how was I supposed to know? Tour Guide... doesn't exactly give
a lot of indication as to gender, does it?
Anyway. Straight ahead, we see a PBS Master, one of the most
powerful generals of our armies. This one is in charge of the siege of the Enemy's Neo
Wind, which breaches tradition, copyright, a general sense of being right, and just
generally pisses us off.
That's him! Attack!
RPGTEAM used CHHHAARRRGGGGEEEE!!
And to your right you will find an extremely heavy gust of wind
produced by the Version in order to kill off such annoying pests such as yourself. You
have ten lines to live. Have a nice day!
TOUR GUIDE FLICKERED and VANISHED!
CHHHAARRRGGGGEEEE!! failed!
...Did that thing just say what I think it said?
PUN nods!
Was it telling the truth?
PUN nods!
...So we have three lines to live?
PUN highly suggests you do something in the next line!
Gah, Deja Vu... -_-;;;
750km/h WINDS appeared!
...PUN desperately SCRABBLESs for another WIND pun!
8 points, double word score for first word!
NARRATOR gained 16 points!
Uh...
SKYLER SCRABBLES for COMPREHENSION!
...SKYLER doesn't have that many LETTERS AVAILABLE!
The attack failed!
SKYLER gained 0 points!
SKYLER hurt himself in his confusion!
PUN likes this game!
Um...
750km/h WINDS used BLOW!
TRIPLE LETTER SCORE on L!
WINDS gained 11 points!
WINDS also caused RPGTEAM to be BLOWN AWAY!
Eep! Gotta find something to hold on to!
HOLYGARY SCRABBLED for a HANDHOLD!
O_O;;;
DOUBLE LETTER SCORES on N and H!
+50 POINTS for using ALL 7 LETTERS!
HOLYGARY gained 71 points!
RPGTEAM managed to hold on!
PUN isn't sure he likes this game any more... ;_;
Bah, sore loser.
WINDS used WHIRLWIND!
SCRABBLEBOARD was blown away!
...Oi!
NARRATOR used CALM!
FF7TOWNOFKALM appeared!
KALM landed on WIND!
WIND died away!
PUN grumbles about SPOILSPORTS!
Uh... Pun, this isn't a game.
PUN knows, it's just based on one.
Can we charge at that PBS Master guy now?
PUN shrugs!
PUN can't really think of anything better to do!
Right. Charge!
RPGTEAM were CHARGED for DAMAGES to KALM by the FALL and the WIND!
Eep! I haven't got that much!
ANGRY TOWNSFOLK were renamed ANGRY MOB!
Evil civilians! Defend yourself!
RPG LAWS PROHIBIT the ATTACKING of CIVILIANS!
...Does it stop them attacking us, then?
MOB used ROCK THROW!
RPGTEAM were STONED!
...PUN chooses not to follow that any further!
Gah! Run!
RPGTEAM ran away!
Location: Straight ahead from Neo Wind Portal
PBSMASTER appeared!
Yes! Our target has appeared! We fight!
Prepare to die, PBS scum!
PBSMASTER doesn't want to fight!
What?
RPGTEAM were COMPLETELY THROWN OFF!
...A nearby CLIFF!
Much SCREAMING and FALLING ensued!
RPG PHYSICS-TWIST appeared!
RPGTEAM somehow landed at the TOP of the CLIFF again!
PUN can't quite figure how THAT is supposed to work!
Don't question the RPG. It ownz j00.
...Aren't you supposed to be in incredible pain?
No, I just lost a few hundred hit points. O_o RPG Battles don't
cause pain, except for the occasional boss or such. Otherwise we'd be in big trouble.
Uh...
If you were injured enough to have one hit point left, do you think
you'd be able to swing this sorta sword?
PUN nods!
...Yeah right.
PUN was reduced to 1 HP!
SWORD swung around RANDOMLY!
Whatever.
SWORD struck PUN!
O_o Did we just trick a Narrator into killing itself?
SWORD caused -400000 damage!
NARRATOR was fully healed!
I was gonna say. O_o
PBSMASTER doesn't want to fight!
PBSMASTER will leave THAT to its MINIONS!
RPGTEAM: Oh. Funfun! ^_^
PBSMASTER sent out MINIONS!
...What sort of minions?
MIGNON!
FILET MIGNON!
THE PIE OF UNKNOWN FLAVOUR!
PBSMASTER started throwing STRANGE-FLAVOURED MEAT PIES at RPGTEAM!
They're... rather tasty, actually!
However, they're also VERY HOT!
RPGTEAM's TONGUES were fully BURNT!
TONGUES were hurt by the burn!
Ow!
...What, so falling off a cliff doesn't hurt you but burning your
tongue does?
HOLYGARY shrugs!
ALL PIES were fully EATEN!
PBSMASTER growls!
PBSMASTER sent out POWERFUL MIGNONS!
PBSMASTER started throwing FAMILY-SIZE FILET MIGNON PIES at RPGTEAM!
REALLY HOT GRAVY full of DELICIOUS MEAT CHUNKS and MINCE flew WILDLY THROUGH THE AIR!
Poe! Dinner time!
POE used DINNERTIME!
EVERY SCRAP of FOOD within 100m was INSTANTLY CONSUMED!
GIANT CLOCK set at 7:00PM fell on PBSMASTER!
Good work, Poe!
PBSMASTER is now REALLY PISSED OFF!
POE just ate PBSMASTER's DINNER!
PBSMASTER was REALLY LOOKING FORWARD to EATING some of those!
...Then why did you throw them at us?
PBSMASTER: ...
PBSMASTER was COMPLETELY THROWN OFF!
THRONE landed on PBSMASTER!
PBSMASTER: ...Oi, that's not fair.
FAIRGROUND landed on PBSMASTER!
PBSMASTER: That wasn't very nice!
The CITY of NICE landed on PBSMASTER!
Wow... you want us to win?
No... PUN is just seeing how far he can take this!
PBSMASTER: Stop that!
STOPSIGN landed on PBSMASTER!
PBSMASTER: Please!
PLEAS fell on PBSMASTER's EARS!
ENOUGH!
...Hey, it's the tour guide person!
You foolish pests! You do not belong here! Go back home!
TOURGUIDE used ANIMEVEINPOP!
MUCH ANIME fell on PBSMASTER!
PBATTLES SCAVENGERS appeared!
PBSCAVENGERS: o.o Anime...
PBSCAVENGERS grabbed ANIME!
PBSCAVENGERS ran away!
...Right.
Anyway...
TOURGUIDE was renamed VERSION CONSCIOUSNESS!
I am Wind Version! You shall fall before my might! Twister attack!
VC used TWISTER!
VC pulled out a WHITE PLASTIC SHEET covered in LARGE COLOURED
CIRCLES!
VC pulled out SPINNYWHEEL!
GAH!
RPGTEAM hid behind STUFF!
Uh... guys, what's wrong?
Spinnywheel! Don't you know what happened the last time one of those
was let loose in a version?
...That thing's about ten inches across.
Oh... okay. O_o
RPGTEAM unHID!
VC spun!
RIGHT HAND on RED!
EVERYONE put their RIGHT HAND on RED!
JASONR: OI! Get off my version!
JASONR used HANDOFGOD!
JASONR put HANDOFGOD on ALL the RED SPOTS!
EVERYONE's RIGHT HAND was CRUSHED!
PUN spun!
LEFT FOOT on YELLOW!
EVERYONE put their LEFT FOOT on YELLOW!
MESSAGE BOARD DENIZENS grabbed FEET!
PUN spun!
LEFT HAND on BLUE!
EVERYONE put their LEFT HAND on BLUE, with CONSIDERABLE DIFFICULTY!
LEFT HANDS were CLAIMED as FANBATTLES!
PUN spun!
RIGHT FOOT on GREEN!
EVERYONE used RIGHT FOOT on GREEN!
...
EVERYONE used STRUGGLE!
The attack failed!
EVERYONE was renamed HEAP!
Right! No more games! We battle now!
Whatever.
SKYLER grabbed VC and plonked him on a GREEN SPOT!
VC was dropped into GREEN VERSION!
GREEN VERSION is NO LONGER ACTIVE!
VC was trapped in STASIS forevermore!
WIND VERSION fell under SKYLER's CONTROL once more!
NEO WIND wins!
We won! We won! No rebellious version's gonna take Skyler out!
Unfortunately, we are instead. You're coming with us to Dark...
Uh... um... Can we go back to Neo Wind to celebrate first?
RPGTEAM: ...
Get him, boys!
Continued next time in Battle #59...
The
battle between Wind and Neo Wind, both sides controlled completely by me, a webmaster of
neither, is over. That lasted. Comment.
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Battle #59: Shh! Be vewy quiet! We're hunting Skylers! November 18th, 2001
Player: Skyler
Location: Straigh ahead from Neo
Wind Portal, Wind Version
RPGTEAM is GRUMBLING!
Stupid week-long breaks...
WEEK-LONG BREAK fainted!
'Bout bloody time! Get 'im, boys!
'IM appeared!
BOYS picked up an 'IM!
BOYS CELEBRATE!
Even though they DON'T KNOW what an 'IM is, nor do they have any USE
for it!
RANDOM EXTRAS were REMOVED!
Uh... right. We attack Skyler now?
SKYLER appears to have TAKEN ADVANTAGE of your BOREDOM, CONFUSION
and a certain WEEK-LONG BREAK to RUN LIKE BLOODY BLAZES!
Gah! Time to give chase!
Forturnately for RPGTEAM, BLOODY BLAZES is a NOTORIOUSLY SLOW
RUNNER!
SKYLER is nearing NEO WIND PORTAL!
Charge!
RPGTEAM used CHARGE!
AAA-battery was fully charged!
...
RPGTEAM looks UNAMUSED... heh...
HOLYGARY threw AAA-battery at SKYLER!
SKYLER was BATTERED!
Right. Now, I'm going to make this perfectly clear. We go over there
and surround Skyler before he goes through the portal. Skip the puns.
PUN used SKIP!
PUN SKIPPED over to SKYLER, whistling and throwing flower petals
gaily!
EVERYONE was fully DISTURBED!
But RPGTEAM used SURROUND!
SURROUND SOUND SYSTEM was set up around SKYLER!
Urrh... what the...
HOLYGARY appeared!
HOLYGARY used THREATENING SWORD SWIRLING TWIRLING REALLY IMPRESSIVE
SHOWING OFF STUFF!
It's super effective!
Ah... it's you... uh... hi. ^_^
SKYLER edges away carefully!
LANCE appeared!
LANCE used... SOMETHING VERY SIMILAR TO HOLYGARY's SHOWING OFF!
Ah... you too... uh...
SKYLER edges away!
NELANA appeared!
NELANA used... STAND THERE!
...SOMEHOW, it's MORE THREATENING than either HOLYGARY or LANCE! O_o
I'm in a lot of trouble, aren't I?
POE, KOOFA and FROGSTOMP AIRDROP and land with VERY HEAVY,
FORBIDDING THUMPS!
MERCENARY and THARVIAT materialise!
SIEGARYZ appears in a flash of random elemental magic!
RPGTEAM used LOOK THREATENING!
It's really, really, really, REALLY effective!
Uh... guys... Can't we work this out peaceably?
RPGTEAM used WALK THREATENINGLY!
It's even MORE effective!
I'll take that as a no.
SKYLER starts RUNNING towards PORTAL!
FLOODLIGHTS appeared!
CHOOKE appeared!
CHOOKE: Don't take another step.
SKYLER froze! It may not attack!
CHOOKE stands between SKYLER and PORTAL!
CHOOKE swings a MIKE around like a DEADLY WEAPON!
WHISTLING and FEEDBACK can be heard from SURROUND SOUND SYSTEM!
...
PUN used O_o
No... guys... you wouldn't...
SKYLER turned to RPGTEAM!
HOLYGARY calmly leant over and turned DIAL!
VOLUME greatly rose!
SKYLER's DANGER greatly rose!
HOLYGARY highly suggests going back to DARK now!
Are you absolutely, one-hundred percent sure we can't work this out
peaceably?
Chooke! Kill him and we'll meet up with him in Dark, okay?
CHOOKE: Right!
Gyahh!
SKYLER sprinted towards the PORTAL!
CHOOKE used SIIIIIINNNGGG!
EVERYTHING within SURROUND SOUND ZONE... simply ceased to exist!
SPEAKERS exploded!
SKYLER was COMPLETELY UNHARMED!
...Wha?
RPGTEAM were COMPLETELY THROWN OFF!
...ANOTHER convienient CLIFF!
SKYLER ran away!
SKYLER ran through NEO WIND PORTAL!
RPGTEAM landed at the BOTTOM/TOP of NON-EXISTANT CLIFF!
Damn, I forgot, we gave him those bloody earplugs. Chase him!
RPGTEAM ran through PORTAL!
Location: Wind Portal, Neo Wind Version
Get ready for the fight of a lifetime, guys... there's a bunch of
mad RPG heroes on my tail and they're trying to kill me!
CLOUD and SQUALL used O.o
CLOUD: Uh... we're not fighting RPG heroes.
SQUALL: Yeah... honour amongst demi-god-like saviours of worlds and
such...
What? You're abandoning us?
Us? O_o Who said anything about US?
You... you're gonna let them take me?
What have you ever done for us, clone?
I CREATED YOU, DAMMIT! YOU'RE MY BLOODY CLONE!
Right. Whatever.
SKYLER, CLOUD and SQUALL turn their backs on SKYLER!
SKYLER's MORALE greatly fell!
RPGTEAM appeared!
SKYLER's MORALE greatly fell!
...Alright guys, I'll go peacefully.
RPGTEAM's MORALE greatly fell!
RPGTEAM used DISAPPOINTED AWW!
RPGTEAM was ENJOYING the whole INTIMIDATION and HUNTING THING!
...I thought you were supposed to be good guys!
RPGTEAM look at each other!
NELANA: Do we look like good guys to you?
THARVIAT: Yeah... just because we like fighting bad guys doesn't
mean we're good guys.
SIEGARYZ: I'm only working with them because I screwed up and they
made me.
LANCE: And the Mercenary only works for money.
RPGTEAM: Call us good guys again and we'll forget you said you'd
come peacefully.
Right... anyway... can we just have a little break here? I mean, a
little celebration for beating off Wind? Food? Drink? Hot chicks?
RPGTEAM used GATHERING!
LOUD yet INCOMPREHENSIBLE WHISPERING can be heard!
RPGTEAM used UNGATHER!
I... gather... you've come to a decision.
RPGTEAM nod as one.
And...
RPGTEAM: PARTY! ^_^
RPGTEAM pick up SKYLER, SKYLER, CLOUD and SQUALL and charge towards
NEAREST VENUE!
Location: PBSHQ, Wind Version
MANY PBS WORKERS can be seen!
...Hang on, isn't this old wind?
PUN notes that there AREN'T any VENUES in NEO WIND!
You could've asked. I woulda...
Yes, but we're here now.
NELANA: Hmm... we need to get rid of these PBS things.
Ah, I own the version now... they should obey me. I'll talk to
them...
Uh... right.
SKYLER used SPEECH!
Noble PBS workers of Wind Version...
PBSWORKERS used O_o!
They're attacking!
NELANA: They're coming right for us!
CLOUD: Defend yourselves!
STUPIDLY LARGE QUANTITIES of STUPIDLY POWERFUL ATTACKS ripped
through PBSHQ!
EVERY PBS WORKER was SHREDDED!
SKYLER blinked twice!
There... problem solved!
O_o is not an attack!
Hmmm? Oh...
RPGTEAM looks a bit SHEEPISH!
Oh well. We got the PBS guys out, didn't we?
Whatever. This place needs cleaning.
CHOOKE sung a SINGLE NOTE!
SKYLER, CLOUD and SQUALL doubled over in PAIN!
BLOOD and BODY BITS evaporated!
NELANA: Aww, I liked that decor.
*sigh*
RPGTEAM used PARTY!
PARTY was designated UNPRINTABLE!
PARTY ENDED!
Location: Dark Portal, Neo Wind Version
Player: Skyler
Right... We're off! Back to Dark Version!
RPGTEAM picked up SKYLER!
Hey... hang on, this isn't right... Let go of me, you've-
Beh. Silence!
HOLYGARY cast SILENCE!
SKYLER signs madly!
NELANA used DARK BIND!
SKYLER's HANDS were fully IMMOBILIZED!
SKYLER guestures FRANTICALLY with his EYES!
LANCE used BLIND!
SKYLER desperately concentrated on sending a TELEPATHIC MESSAGE!
Oh, for god's sakes...
OTHER SKYLER used FWAP!
SKYLER was KNOCKED UNCONSCIOUS!
SILENCE, DARK BIND and BLIND were REMOVED!
RPGTEAM march through DARK PORTAL!
Location: Neo Wind Portal, Dark Version
Ah, blessed stagnant air and dark skies...
DAMOS appeared!
Well, not bad. I'll take him, then...
RPGTEAM used HAND SKYLER OVER!
DAMOS looked at SKYLER!
DAMOS growled!
...Uh... I think we should leave...
RPGTEAM backed away!
DAMOS growled loudly!
DAMOS let go of SKYLER!
DAMOS made SINGLE MOVEMENT of INCREDIBLE SPEED!
SKYLER fell in HALF!
DAMOS resheathes BLADE!
That was not Skyler.
Urrh... what?
SKYLER appeared!
SKYLER stands on the OTHER SIDE of NEO WIND PORTAL!
You really thought I'd come back? That was my Neo Wind Clone!
Damn you! Flame Lasso!
LASSO intended to GRAB SKYLER burst into FLAME!
LASSO fainted!
Narrator... Now is not the time!
PUN looks at WATCH!
NOW is the TIME!
3600 CLOCKS fell on DAMOS!
What do you think you're doing?
PUN allied with SKYLER!
PUN flew into NEO WIND PORTAL!
PUN likes SKYLER better than DAMOS!
PUN couldn't imagine life without the Wind Guy's companionship! And
the two Wind Narrators eliminated each other, so... I'm the new Wind Narrator! Cool, huh?
Enjoy your time here, Damos. You won't have me. I'll be on my way
back to Moonlight shortly...
Hmph! DAMOS used NOVA FLARE BEAM!
NEOWINDPORTAL closed!
The immense blast of fiery death unleashed by Damos did not even
come close to hitting Skyler or Pun. Everything in that direction as far as the eye could
see was instantly immolated.
Damos cursed.
"You lot are free to go. I'm going to go
teach that overconfident little bag of wind a lesson..."
"Uh... we don't have a Narrator here..."
"Oh... whatever. NEW NARRATOR appeared!"
The presence in the air could be felt instantly... however, it felt
slightly different to usual. However, before anything could be discovered about this new
Narrator, Damos (Pausing only to create a
Feedback Link) vanished in a flash of flame and the battle abruptly
ended.
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Battle
#59.5: A New Shadow Is Cast (AKA, the shortest Dark Battle Ever December 9th, 2001
Player: Mikau
Location: Damos's Castle STORM
PORTAL appeared!
MIKAU appeared within PORTAL!
MIKAU ran away from PORTAL!
ENRAGED STORM CHARACTER appeared within PORTAL!
Quick! Close the damn thing!
STORM PORTAL closed!
Hmph. Sorry about that... I sorta broke her coffee machine, she
was... where am I?
NARRATOR O_os and points casually towards LOCATION!
Right, Damos's place. Let's see... I'm supposed to go to the office,
say "I'm here to se-
DEJA VU appeared!
DEJA VU violently assaulted MIKAU's MIND and left him in a STATE of
HIGH CONFUSION!
DEJA VU ran away!
MIKAU wins!
Uh... What happened?
DEJA VU appeared!
DEJA VU violen-
YES! I know that happened. Don't do it again or I'll get a double
case of it. Triple, even. Deja vu of deja vu.... psy-ai-ai...
NARRATOR shrugs!
Alright... I've got a feeling I've done this before...
NARRATOR thinks!
NARRATOR diagnoses!
NARRATOR decides that the most likely cause of such a feeling is
that you've done this before!
...You're right! Amazing! I can't believe I didn't think of that.
I've already tried to find Damos... Why am I doing it again?
Because DARKWEBMASTER thinks he can do it BETTER than NSWEBMASTER!
Okay... I could be greviously insulted by that statement...
Don't. Just play it through and try not to look too suprised.
Right.
SECRETARY appeared!
...It was an invisible presence in my one...
NARRATOR sighs!
SECRETARY became INVISIBLE!
INVISECRETARY: At last! SOMETHING to do!
INVISECRETARY laughed evilly and started POKING MIKAU!
Hey... what the...
INVISECRETARY used POKE!
Stop that!
INVISECRETARY used POKE!
Ow!
INVISECRETARY used POKE!
Enough! I want to see Damos! I need to talk to him!
INVISECRETARY: Oh, I'm afraid he's not in. Gone off to seal the fate
of some unfortunate Webmaster who managed to piss him off to the highest degree...
Seal? Oh no... He can't have taken the seal somewhere else, could
he?
INVISECRETARY used POKE!
Would you quit that?
INVISECRETARY: Nope.
INVISECRETARY used POKE!
Do you have any idea when Damos will be back?
INVISECRETARY: Nah, he tends to be quite informal about some things.
If they've seriously annoyed him, he might be torturing them for days, maybe weeks. He
knows a lot about torture, that guy. Being a... 'friend' of Dacta can be quite educational
at times, I'm told.
NARRATOR blanches!
O.o Okay... I suppose I'll just have to have a look through the
version then.
INVISECRETARY: You think you're gonna find some seal in this
version? Heheheheh... Silly.
INVISECRETARY used POKE!
Hey! They've all been fairly easy so far. This one shouldn't be that
much harder...
INVISECRETARY: Glad to know you are aware of what you're dealing
with... If you're at all interested, there's a window over there that you might care to
have a peek out of...
MIKAU used PEEK!
MIKAU used EEK!
NARRATORIAL-STYLE cannot fully describe the VIEW!
BATTLE switched to FMV mode!
A closeup of Mikau's face, looking horrified
as the freezing-cold high-altitude winds (which don't normally exist in Dark, it's just a
oft-used dramatic video effect) blew his hair and clothes backwards from the window.
Slowly the camera zooms out, showing more and more black stone wall of the castle, until
Mikau is nothing more than a dot in one window... then further, until we see the enormous,
near-vertical mountain upon which the castle stands. Then we come to the version itself,
spread out like the complete wasteland it is with the factions frantically battling like
crazy. The picture moves across the battlefields, the billions of corpses, the clash of
steel and magic, the blasts of heavy weaponry, the larger battlers fighting each other and
ignoring the hundreds of smaller creatures they crushed in the process.
Fade back to Mikau, then the camera view swings
around until it is from his point of view. Most versions he knew came to an end visibly, a
short horizon even from ground level. This one, the air was crystal clear and he was on
something this high... and he still couldn't see the edge of the version. The ground
seethed with billions of battling troops.
Perhaps... not so easy. -_-;;;
INVISECRETARY used POKE!
STOP POKING ME!
INVISECRETARY: Oh, you're an Orc now, are you?
What?
INVISECRETARY: That's an Orc line. Or perhaps you're Artanis? He
used that line too... Are you Blizzard sponsored?
...No.
INVISECRETARY: ...COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT!
HUGE ALARM SYSTEM went off!
FLASHING LIGHTS and NOISY SIRENS used FLASH and NOISE!
What? What's wrong?! Everyone bloody copyright infringes! Just
HAVING the orcs here is a bloody copyright infringement! Every pokebattles version is an
infringement on Red! POKEBATTLES ITSELF IS ONE!
ALARM SYSTEM vanished!
INVISECRETARY: I know. Scared ya, huh?
MIKAU is SEETHING with RAGE!
INVISECRETARY: Silly shadow person.
INVISECRETARY used POKE!
INVISECRETARY used POKE!
INVISECRETARY used POKE!
RIGHT! THAT'S IT! YOU DIE!
MIKAU began charging STUPIDLY LARGE ATTACK with a FORIEGN-SOUNDING
NAME that DWM doesn't KNOW!
INVISECRETARY used POKE!
MIKAU lost balance!
MIKAU fell out the WINDOW!
STUPIDLY LARGE ATTACK flew off HARMLESSLY into the SKY!
MIKAU randomly TUMBLED DOWN THE MOUNTAIN!
MIKAU fainted!
INVISECRETARY wins!
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