And now we get into the next round of fights. Half the characters have been eliminated, and the Video Game Villians have been stricken from the competition, as both of their characters suffered humiliating defeats. Team Rocket has two characters still in the competition. Onto the next round - Garrett the Holy vs. Giovanni!
Tournament Battle #8 June 16th, 2001
Players: Garrett the Holy
Giovanni
So, we meet again, oh evil one... Now I will give thee the
beating thee surely deserves...
Cut the poetic nonsense. Fight, 'hero'...
CROWD is GEARED UP for ONE HELL OF A BATTLE!
NARRATOR would make JOKE about THIS PLACE being HELL and ALL, but it
has NOT WORKED in the PAST!
Come to me, my trusty blade, and cleave thi-
Tauros, go.
Hey, you cut off my line!
And how many times have you and your ilk done that to my agents?
...Point.
HOLYGARY sent out RUSTSWORD!
GIOVANNI sent out VSDTAUROS!
You may strike first, 'hero'.
Slash!
Diamond Armour!
NARRATOR desperately fishes around for a PUN that does NOT involve
the PRICE of DIAMONDS, ARMOUR, or DIAMOND ARMOUR being SLASHED!
...A bite!
Wild PUN appeared!
NARRATOR oooohs...
Uh... Narrator, this is our battle, not yours.
SHADDUP!
NARRATOR sent out NARRATOR!
PUN used INHERENT BADNESS!
NARRATOR involuntarily GROANED!
NED FLANDERS appeared!
NED FLANDERS grew!
...Oi!
Nyahaha... Do you truly believe you can face your own spawn,
Narrator?
NARRATOR is fairly sure it has never SPAWNED!
And when has that ever mattered?
NARRATOR used POKEBALL!
NARRATOR POKEd a BALL into the MIDDLE of the ARENA!
BALL was renamed VOLTORB!
VOLTORB used SELFDESTRUCT!
HEY! Keep out of my battle!
VOLTORB TRUCKed itSELF and DES off to a REMOTE LOCATION!
Hmm... maybe you can keep up. How about this?
PUN used IRRELEVANCE!
NARRATOR was CRITICALLY INJURED for NO APPARENT REASON!
...OW! Hey, you can't do that, you need to-
Look at the name of the attack, fool.
...Ally CRITIC was INJURED, not NARRATOR!
Hmm... a weak comeback, but it worked. Nobody ever liked him anyway.
NARRATOR used NARRATOR'S LEGACY!
That one's easy. NARRATOR's LEG was dipped in the SEA!
It's rather COLD!
NARRATOR experienced GREAT DISCOMFORT!
NARRATOR hasn't seen THAT ONE before!
That's probably because nine times in ten it's the Narrator using
the attack, doofus.
...PUN insulted the NARRATOR!
PUN shall DIE a HORRIBLE HORRIBLE DEATH!
Ha. Now, my tu-
PUN used INSULT!
Hey, that's...
The NARRATOR's JOB, little guy!
NARRATOR was BURIED in SALT!
NARRATOR used NUH-UH!
THAT PUN has ALREADY BEEN USED during THIS TOURNAMENT!
Uh... oops... wait a minute...
PUN used WAITER MINUTE!
RANDOM WAITER shrunk to MINUTE size!
This is why you Narrators suck! Your attacks don't even do any
damage!
...NARRATOR guesses that, when TRYING to WIN, it would help to TWIST
the ATTACKS in HIS FAVOUR!
...Why don't I keep my big, non-existant mouth shut?
WAITER was restored to NORMAL SIZE!
WAITER was given a UTE!
WAITER grabbed PUN!
WAITER drove into a MINE with PUN!
PUN ran away!
NARRATOR wins!
...
...
Hey, what are you two doing?
Well, you were taking too long, so we thought we'd carry on without
you...
WHAT?!
NARRATOR is OUTRAGED!
Uh... Rage was put outside, Rage ran away, Narrator is no longer
angry?
RAGE was put OUTSIDE!
RAGE ran away!
NARRATOR is no longer angry... HEY!
I can't believe that worked. ^_^
NARRATOR asked for a CATCHUP!
Uh, my sword's been hacking away at that thing's diamond coat,
there's a whole lot of valuable stones floating around, it's armour is at... what was it,
Giovanni?
71%.
71? More like 17!
I should know, it's MY pokemon!
...NARRATOR feels that, in this regard, HOLYGARY is SOMEWHAT MORE
TRUSTWORTHY!
My, my, look at all these pretty diamonds on the ground. I'm sure
they'd look great on you, Narrator...
GIOVANNI used BRIBE!
It's super effective!
NARRATOR took ALL THE DIAMONDS!
DTAUROS's ARMOUR is at 0%!
...
Oops. ^_^;;;
NARRATOR grins!
GIOVANNI is NOT AMUSED!
However, HOLYGARY is AMUSED!
HOLYGARY was MUSE-ed!
HOLYGARY turned into a MUSE!
...Gah! What the hell? I'm... a...
HOLYGARY is FEMALE!
...HOLY... GARINA?
AARRRGGGHHHH!
What's happening? I'm getting... all these... ideas... must share...
Gah...
DARKWEBMASTER intervened!
DARKWEBMASTER stole the MUSE-NESS!
DARKWEBMASTER has always WANTED one of these!
DARKWEBMASTER sets MUSE against WRITER'S BLOCK, and LEAVES THEM to
BATTLE IT OUT!
Ach... that was disturbing...
Tauros! Take Down!
Rust Spore!
TAUROS took down old RUSTY SPORT trophies!
Crushing blow!
SWORD used CRUSHING BLOW!
Due to unforseen repercussions including a Mature Content Warning being
placed on Dark Version's shortcut page, this pun has been removed from our database in an
effort to counter such effects. Have a nice day.
ATTACK fizzled out!
Submission!
TAUROS used ION CANNON!
The attack MISSED a PASSING SUBMARINE!
The attack HIT the ARENA!
TAUROS fainted!
SWORD was NEAR-VAPORIZED, but DID NOT FAINT!
...NARRATOR looks up at BATTLE SO FAR!
NARRATOR decides it's TOO LONG!
HOLYGARY returned SWORD!
HOLYGARY sent out HOLYGARY!
GIOVANNI sent out GIOVANNI!
I'll take you down myself! Holy Blast!
Darkness!
HOLYGARY used HOLY BLAST!
GIOVANNI used DARKNESS!
HOLEY missed, due to DARKNESS!
Aha!
SO, as the HOLES missed, GIOVANNI was HIT!
GIOVANNI is BLASTing off a-
Cheat!
GIOVANNI used CHEAT!
GIOVANNI must WIN a game of CHEAT to be able to CONTINUE THIS MATCH!
GIOVANNI logged on to NEOPETS.COM!
Uh... okay... I can do that.
DARKWEBMASTER appeared!
...Hey, hold on, what are you doing?
DWMASTER says you CAN'T do that!
Hey, we had an agreement...
DWMASTER used BIGBIGB-I-I-I-GHURTYTHING!
CONNECTION to NEOPETS.COM died!
DWMASTER is HAPPY!
There shall be NO NEOPETS in THIS VERSION!
GIOVANNI cannot play CHEAT!
GIOVANNI is BLASTING OFF AGAIN!
HOLYGARY wins!
Damn the good guys and their infernal ability to win almost everything. Makes our life really difficult. Anyway, on with the show... Speaking of good guys, we now have KB and Goku, normally allies, battle it out in this next match...
Tournament Battle #9 June 23rd, 2001
Players: KB
Goku
Him? I have to fight him?
What's the point of this? We're allies!
NARRATOR suggests FIGHTING!
...No.
NARRATOR highly ADVISES FIGHTING!
...No.
COMBATANTS are causing NARRATOR to be FRUSTRATED!
...Stuff you.
NARRATOR is GREATLY FRUSTRATED!
NARRATOR used TOOTHGRIND!
What's that gonna do? It's not like you have any teeth.
NARRATOR ground GOKU and KB's TEETH into a FINE POWDER!
O_O!
NARRATOR bakes BREAD from TEETH!
Mmpph! Hy, yu cn't...
NARRATOR seems to have insufficient INGREDIENTS!
MAYBE NARRATOR should start on the BONES!
Mmmpph!
Nuu!
I take it you'll be FIGHTING now?
GOKU and KB nod FRANTICALLY!
NARRATOR gave BREAD to KB and GOKU!
TEETH appeared!
Oh, that's a rel-
NARRATOR used FWAP!
TEETH are IN the BREAD, STILL!
Eh, I don't need it. I'm nothing but a living shadow anyway...
...O_o.
GOKU ate BREAD!
TEETH were fully RESTORED!
Ah, that's better.
NARRATOR suggests FIGHTING!
NEXT TIME, NARRATOR will not be so LENIENT!
Uh... Go, Trunks!
GOKU sent out TRUNKS!
Hmm... eh, what the hell. Go, Toothbread!
KB... Sent out the BREAD with his TEETH in it!
NARRATOR was DEFINATELY not expecting THAT!
Trunks! Slash!
TRUNKS used SLASH!
NARRATOR is SICK of PEOPLE using that ATTACK!
The ATTACK, SLASH, was SLASHED from the AVAILABLE ATTACK LIST!
...There's an available attack list?
There IS NOW!
What's on it?
EVERY ATTACK bar SLASH!
...uh-huh. Toothbread, use... uh... smother!
TOOTHBREAD used 'IS MOTHER!
BULMA appeared!
TOOTHBREAD held BULMA hostage!
Trunks! Be careful!
TRUNKS is SCARED!
Surrender now, fool, or she gets it!
KB used ULTIMATUM!
Trunks! Super speed!
TRUNKS used SUPERSPEED!
Bite!
TOOTHBREAD used BITE!
BULMA attempted to ESCAPE by BITING TOOTHBREAD!
BULMA bit down on a TOOTH!
BULMA is in IMMENSE PAIN!
TRUNKS slowed down, seeing his MOTHER HURT!
That'll teach you. Now, just back off...
Use an attack! Shoot it!
TRUNKS began to charge a KAMEHAMEYA!
Knead!
TOOTHBREAD used KNEAD!
BULMA felt a great NEED to EAT!
BULMA bit BREAD!
BULMA bit down on a TOOTH!
BULMA is in IMMENSE PAIN!
TRUNKS let the ENERGY die away!
Now! Surrender, Trunks!
TRUNKS doesn't know what to DO!
...Surrender. This one's out of your hands. At least I might be able
to use you in later battles...
TRUNKS used SURRENDER!
TRUNKS SALUTED, yelled "SIR!", and RENDERED HIMSELF
UNCONSCIOUS!
TRUNKS fainted! Use next pokemon?
...Gohan, my son, it's all up to you now.
GOKU sent out GOHAN!
Attack that bread! Free Bulma!
GOHAN used FREE BULMA!
GOHAN offered to BUY BULMA off TOOTHBREAD!
GOHAN used HAGGLE!
TOOTHBREAD used HAGGLE!
...DEAL was MADE!
GOHAN got BULMA for FREE!
It's a super RIPOFF!
BULMA ran away!
TOOTHBREAD was ENRAGED!
...Curses. Oh well. Toothbread, use Knead again!
TOOTHBREAD used KNEAD!
GOHAN was KNEED!
...Owch. I'm not quite sure how a lump of bread with teeth in it can
manage to do that, but... owch...
Son! Are you okay?
GOHAN is curled up in a HEAP!
GOHAN will be OKAY!
...Now, little bread! Use Dough Attack!
NARRATOR looks at TOOTHBREAD!
NARRATOR metaphorically SCRATCHES ITS HEAD!
NARRATOR would like a more specific attack!
...Huh?
Not ATTACK, but something like BEAM, RAY, BLAST, SLAM...
Uh... I dunno... Ray?
TOOTHBREAD used DOUGH RAY!
...Oh god, I can't believe I left it that open.
NARRATOR grins!
CHOOKE appeared!
...Oh god, it's another one of these, isn't it?
CHOOKE: Doh, Ray, Me...
EVERYONE experienced GREAT DISCOMFORT!
All GLASS objects in the STADIUM shattered!
CHOOKE: Fah Soh Lah...
EVERYONE experienced GREAT PAIN!
All METALLIC objects in the STADIUM shattered!
CHOOKE: Tiiiii...
All PLASTIC objects in the STADIUM shattered!
CHOOKE: Dooo-
LIQUIDS and GASES shatter!
TOOTHBREAD and GOHAN committed HONOURABLE SUICIDE to ESCAPE THE
SOUND!
NARRATOR used BAN-I.S.H.!
/mode #InStadiumHere +b Chooke!
/kick #InStadiumHere Chooke!
Yay.
GOKU sent out GOKU!
Attack, Santa.
KB sent out... SANTACLAUS?!
NARRATOR wonders what a PERSONIFICATION of EVIL is doing with such a
JOLLY POKEMON!
You've never seen him on a bad day, have you?
NARRATOR -HAS- to see THIS!
Hey, Santa! Got any presents for me?
Heh. Coal!
SANTA used COAL!
GOKU was fully COALED!
GOKU froze SOLID!
GOKU was UNABLE to ATTACK!
Heh. Thaw him out, Santa. Fireplace!
SANTA carefully PLACED several PAKAGES around GOKU!
GOKU looks PLEASED!
SANTA pulled out a PLUNGER!
GOKU looks SCARED!
...
LARGE EXPLOSION appeared!
GOKU's ICYNESS greatly fell!
GOKU is looking a little CRISPY!
You... you're not Santa! IMPOSTER!
SANTA: WHAT?!
Look, this beard is obviously fake!
GOKU used BEARDPULL!
...It's not very successful.
SANTA is REALLY, REALLY MAD!
Uh-oh.
SANTA used SACKGRAB!
O_O! I didn't know this version allowed that sort of...
SANTA shoved his SACK over GOKU's HEAD!
...I'm desperately hoping you're talking about that thing full of
toys over his shoulder...
*sigh* YES, NARRATOR is!
GOKU vanished into SACK!
...Okay, well done, Santa.
SANTA reached into SACK!
SANTA pulled out ULTRA-LIFELIKE GOKU ACTION FIGURE!
SANTA looked for a GOOD LITTLE BOY/GIRL!
DARK VERSION search produced 0 results.
Search the rest of Yahoo!?
Santa! Return!
Good job, SANTA!
Go, KB!
Huh?
GOKU has yet to FAINT!
...uh... right. He's a little plastic figure in a box!
He STILL hasn't FAINTED!
...Give to Charity!
GOKUACTIONFIGURE was given to CHARITY!
CHARITY: Oooh, Kawaii! ^_^
CHARITY used HUGGLES!
GOKU used SCREAM of the ETERNALLY TORMENTED/DAMNED!
FLAMEVERSION1-WAYPORTAL closed!
KB wins!
The demon Kil'jaeden faces off against Black Version's Mega HAC!
Tournament Battle #10 June 23rd, 2001
Players: Kil'jaeden
Mega HAC MKII
Who faces me this time?!
Gah, not YOU again!
...Oi, what's wrong with me?
KIL'JAEDEN has an ABNORMALLY LONG and COMPLICATED NAME!
THIS is NOT A GOOD START to being LIKED by the NARRATOR!
...Right.
MEGAHAC appeared!
...A clown?
NARRATOR used POKEDEX!
MEGAHACMKII: This huge mecha is a secondary, more powerful model
based off those used in Aqua Version. Capable of incredible destruction and virtually
invincible... if you don't mind, I'll be leaving now.
POKEDEX ran away!
Hmph. That doesn't scare me! I have the legions of hell behind me!
LEGIONS of HELL are NOT behind KIL'JAEDEN!
What?
LEGIONS of HELL are behind MEGAHAC!
WHAT?!
LEGIONS of HELL used BOO!
MEGAHAC was fully SPOOKED!
...oh.
NARRATOR is JUST KIDDING!
LEGIONS of HELL are ALL AROUND YOU!
LEGIONS of HELL were renamed SPECTATORS!
...Okay. I have the forces of the damned on my side, happy?
Hah. I Also Have The Forces Of The Damned With Me.
What?
We 0wnz Black. Land Of The Dead.
Aha! Come, demons! Kill this fool! I call upon a Demon Warrior!
KIL'JAEDEN used SUMMONS!
HOLE O' DOOM appeared!
BATS and SMOKE and UNHOLY DARK LIGHT come from HOLE!
DEMON begins to RISE from the DEPTH, with DRAMATIC LIGHTING and WIND
IN THE CLOTHES/HAIR an' all!
...Clothes? Hair? On a demon?
NARRATOR shrugs!
Oh no... not her...
SUSPENSE greatly rose!
DEMON became VISIBLE!
CAMERA used DRAMATIC FLASHES and ZOOMINS!
DEMON was renamed NELANA!
...It's another one. For god's sakes, HOW MANY OF THESE THINGS ARE
THERE? NOW THEY'RE BRINGING THEM IN AS POKEMON! WHY?! WHY?!
...Dear god, what have I done?
Is That Female Supposed To Scare Us? Evil Sorcerer, Attack.
MEGAHAC sent out SIEGARYZ... oh, FFS! This is REALLY beginning to
ANNOY ME!
NELANA: Hey, Siega, long time no see!
SIEGARYZ: Don't call me Siega. Makes me sound like some inferior
console company.
They... know each other?
Sorcerer. Attack.
SIEGARYZ: Attack her? What do you take me for, an idiot? How do you
think I ended up in Black Version last time?
NELANA: Oh, come on, Siega... I wasn't the one that killed you.
Much.
N-n-n-nelana... would you attack him?
NELANA: ...Nah, there's so much catching up we've got to do! How's
it been since your untimely end?
SIEGARYZ: Eh, pretty boring, really. I see you're working for some
sort of demon there...
NELANA: Oh, him? I don't know him. I've just been hanging around in
hell for the past few years... was getting pretty boring in there, too. They're all
petrified of me. All the warrior demons were too injured from trying to take me out to
take the summons, so I decided to get out of there, see some new places.
SIEGARYZ: Oh, so you're still wandering around under the presence of
a 'good guy'?
NELANA: You do remember what happened to the last person who called
me a good guy, don't you?
SIEGARYZ: ...Regularally. About 3AM, while tossing and turning, and
a few seconds before waking up screaming.
NELANA: I'm no good guy. Those demons were cramping my style. They
made me the offer of becoming one of them, body and mind sorta thing. Years ago. Too weak
for my likings...
SIEGARYZ: Oh...
NELANA: Who's the big guy?
SIEGARYZ: Some weird clown dude. Can't quite remember why I joined
him.
Eh-heh-HEM...
NELANA: Ooh, a disembodied voice. They're fun to kill. They actually
offer a mild challenge...
There is a BATTLE going on here!
SIEGARYZ: Oh, don't mind us. Carry on.
...YOU are the ones BATTLING!
NELANA: We are? I must admit, I do need a little exercise, but...
SIEGARYZ: Eh, sod this. I'm not fighting you.
NELANA and SIEGARYZ wandered off into a CORNER of the ARENA!
Send out next pokemon?
...
...
SEND OUT NEXT POKEMON!
Prospector Pete Borg, Go.
Uh... right. I summon a demon beast, yadda yadda yadda...
MEGAHAC sent out PPB!
KIL'JAEDEN summoned POE!
...Poe? As in one of those weird ghosty things from Zelda?
No! POE as in a TEN-FOOT-TALL DEMONBEAST covered in SPIKES, with
GLOWING EYES and REALLY LONG TEETH&HORNS and OVERALL SOMETHING YOU DON'T REALLY WANT
TO MESS WITH that just happens to be named POE!
And YES, it's ANOTHER ONE!
NELANA: Oooh, Kawaii! ^_^
EVERYONE would give NELANA WEIRDLOOKS, if they hadn't been staring
at POE!
SIEGARYZ: Your tastes will never cease to amaze me.
NELANA: Here Poe! Come on! Come over here!
POE GROWLs fiercely and CHARGES at NELANA!
NELANA: Good boy! Come on!
POE is just about to GORE NELANA!
NELANA: There, good boy!
POE used... LICK?!
NELANA scratched POE under the CHIN!
POE pants and whines happily!
...NARRATOR is confused!
SIEGARYZ: Long story, big guy.
Uh... Poe! Attack!
POE jumped up and down and CHARGED at PPB!
Pete Look Out.
PPB used FEAR!
PPB curled into a BALL!
POE came to a SCREECHING HALT!
POE sniffed BALL, curiously!
NELANA: Fetch, boy!
POE used FETCH!
POE ate PPB!
POE ran back to NELANA!
NELANA: No, bad boy! Don't eat your toys!
POE used CRINGE!
NELANA: Open your mouth...
POE used OPENWIDE!
NEARBYCROWD ran away!
NELANA reached inside!
NELANA pulled out BALL!
NELANA: Now, fetch! And don't swallow it this time!
NELANA used BALLTOSS!
BALL flew across the FIELD!
POE chased AFTER IT!
Pete Return.
BALL was RETURNED!
POE was SADDENED at the loss of its TOY!
MEGAHAC sent out MEGAHAC!
Poe! Get it!
POE used GET!
POE got IT!
IT was one of MEGAHAC's HIGH-EXPLOSIVE WEAPONS!
POE brought it back to KIL'JAEDEN!
Hey. That's Mine.
Oh, is it? Well, I guess I should give it back then.
KIL'JAEDEN used FIRE!
KIL'JAEDEN fired a HIGH EXPLOSIVE!
EXPLOSIVE sailed over MEGAHAC!
...Not funny.
MEGAHAC used BIGGUNS!
SEMI-NUCLEAR SHELL was SHOT at KIL'JAEDEN!
Catch it!
POE used CATCH!
POE caught SHELL!
SHELL used EXPLOSION!
SMALL NUCLEAR BLAST went off in POE's MOUTH!
POE screamed, whined and ran away, TAIL beteen its LEGS!
NELANA: Hey, that wasn't very nice... Poe didn't deserve that.
Eh. Go me.
KIL'JAEDEN sent out KIL'JAEDEN!
Low Explosive!
KIL'JAEDEN used LOW EXPLOSIVE!
EXPLOSIVE EXPLODED at MEGAHAC's FEET!
GROUND was fully DESTROYED!
No duh, that happened months ago. Webmaster had unco-operative
parents...
No, NARRATOR meant the GROUND under MEGAHAC's FEET!
MEGAHAC used FALL!
MEGAHAC is BURIED up to the WAIST!
IN WASTE!
It's super OFFENSIVE!
MEGAHAC was UNAFFECTED by SMELL!
HOWEVER, it CANNOT move its LEGS!
Sister Ray.
MEGAHAC used SISTERRAY!
MEGAHAC's SISTER, RAY, appeared!
EVERYONE is CONFUSED!
KIL'JAEDEN fired at HIMSELF in his CONFUSION!
KIL'JAEDEN was blown into COMPONENT PARTS!
...Component Parts?
REALLY LITTLE BITS!
...Fainted?
NARRATOR looked at KIL'JAEDEN BITS!
NARRATOR, for the sake of FINISHING THE BATTLE, will say YES!
MEGAHAC wins!
Comment on these battles! Please! I beg of you!
And the last of the semi-finals, Triple D versus Team Rocket's Extra #7395!
Tournament Battle #11 June 30th, 2001
Players: TR Extra #7395
Triple D
About time I get a chance to fight. Who's my opponent?
TR7395 can't find OPPONENT!
TR7395 used SEARCH!
TR7395 SEARCHED the WEB!
Ah, so you're the next one. Nothing but a lousy little extra.
TRIPLED stepped from SHADOWS!
TRIPLED used TAUNT!
WEB was pulled TAUT!
Ha! Now I see you. Go, Golem!
TR7395 sent out GOLEM!
Hey, I do have a name, y'know.
NARRATOR knows!
Then would you mind using it?
NARRATOR is!
TR7395's name is TR7395! Duh!
...I meant a real name. My name is Barchshvaile.
...BARCHSHVAILE?
Hey, you try being the 7395th child in a family and getting a normal
name. They have to get creative.
BARCHSHVAILE has a point!
NARRATOR, however, finds NUMERICAL VALUES a FINE WAY of DEFINING
NAMES!
...Oh. Carry on, then.
Rattie, are you willing to fight? Or is your rage still on strike?
RATTIE used CONDITIONS!
RATTIE met RAGE's CONDITIONS!
Good to hea...
RATTIE used POISONED TEA!
What?
CONDITIONS fell UNCONSCIOUS!
CONDITIONS are in POOR CONDITION!
RATTIE held CONDITIONS hostage!
RAGE gasps!
RAGE sadly comes back to help!
...Right. Go, Rattie!
TRIPLED sent out RATTIE!
Golem! Fissure strike!
GOLEM used FISHER STRIKE!
...NARRATOR is SICK of having to do STRIKE PUNS!
FISHERMEN refused to go on STRIKE!
FISHERMEN are ENJOYING THEMSELVES!
The attack failed!
Rattie! Tail whip!
RATTIE whipped its TAIL around EXCITEDLY!
RATTIE hit itself with its TAIL!
RATTIE yelps in PAIN!
RATTIE used COUNTERBITE!
RATTIE bit itself in the TAIL!
RATTIE is in GREAT PAIN!
RATTIE is REALLY CONFUSED!
Yes! Now, quickly, Tackle it!
GOLEM used TACKLE!
GOLEM tacked a GIANT LETTER L to RATTIE!
RATTIE is WEIGHED DOWN by the L!
RATTIE's CONFUSION rose further!
Uh... Struggle!
RATTIE used STRUGGLE!
RATTIE STRUGGed the L!
...NARRATOR does not know the DEFINITION of STRUGG!
Therefore, NO EFFECT!
Now, Submission!
SUBMISSION failed to affect the L!
Therefore, NO EFFECT!
Uh... Battle?
RATTIE used BATTLE!
RATTIE batted the L with its TAIL!
...It's not very effective...
This is pokebattles, I guess... May as well do something
ridiculous... Robble!
...ROBBLE ROBBLE XD
GOLEM ROBBed the L!
Stole 1 RATTIE!
Rattie! Squeal!
RATTIE used SQUEAL!
RATTIE told the AUTHORITIES about a TEAMROCKET POKEMON stealing him!
GOLEM used SCOWL!
GOLEM: Squealer!
GOLEM used SEISMIC TOSS!
GOLEM took RATTIE and-
NARRATOR! We're trying to get RID of that Mature Content Warning
thing!
-THREW him across the FIELD into the WEB mentioned at the START of
this BATTLE!
GOLEM ran away!
What are you doing, you stupid pokemon? Team Rocket IS the
authorities in Dark Version!
Send out next pokemon?
*sigh* Gengar, attack! Use Lick!
TR7395 sent out GENGAR!
GENGAR used LICK!
GENGAR licked its FINGER and tested the BREEZE!
BREEZE was fully TESTED!
GENGAR collected the TESTS!
GENGAR marked the TESTS!
BREEZE scored 37%!
BREEZE failed!
BREEZE ran away in SHAME!
No effect on battle!
...right. Rattie, strike out at it!
NARRATOR could've SWORN it said something about NO MORE STRIKE
attacks!
STRIKE was STRUCK from the LIST of AVAILABLE ATTACKS!
RATTIE was STRUCK with the REALISATION that it has DISPLEASED the
NARRATOR!
RATTIE committed HONORABLE SUICIDE!
H. SUICIDE doesn't want to go to the LOONY BIN!
H. SUICIDE ran away!
H. SUICIDE was renamed H. SUICIDE, MHE! (as if the pokebattles
network doesn't have enough of them)
RATTIE also FAINTED!
Curses... Fallen hero, attack!
NARRATOR sighs...
TRIPLED sent out LANCE! (As if the pokebattles network doesn't have
enough of them)
LANCE: Foul spirit of evil, prepare to meet your doom!
GENGAR has ALREADY met it's DOOM!
That's why it's a GHOST!
DUH!
LANCE: So? Forces of evil can never meet doom often enough.
It's a good guy! Arrgh! Kill it! Get it away!
Lance, intimidate him with your Heroic Pose!
LANCE used HEROIC POSE!
...Ooh, he actually does that quite well.
NARRATOR is IMPRESSED!
CROWD cheer, INSPIRED-LY!
RANDOM ARTIST runs up to paint INSPIRING PORTRAIT of HEROIC POSE!
TR7395 is fully INTIMIDATED!
Gengar, use Night Shade!
GENGAR used NIGHTSHADE!
GENGAR grabbed a BRUSH and SHADED the PORTRAIT so that it appears to
be NIGHT!
INHERENT SHINYNESS of ARMOUR and WEAPON greatly rose!
LANCE appears to be a POWERFUL SHINING FORCE of GOOD amongst the
DARKNESS!
HEROIC QUALITY greatly rose!
ARTIST applauded GENGAR's WORK!
ARTIST offers GENGAR 1/2 the PROFIT!
Lance, Justice Stri-
Eh-HEM...
Err... Justice attack!
LANCE jumped down from his POSE to view the PICTURE!
LANCE is IMPRESSED!
LANCE also desires a percentage of the PROFITS!
ARTIST and GENGAR used NYAH!
ARTIST and GENGAR used AUCTION!
LANCE used SUE for COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT on his HEROIC POSE!
LANCE grabbed the picture and RAN AWAY while SUE attacked ARTIST!
SUE chased ARTIST out of the ARENA!
Good for you, Lance!
LANCE has LEFT the STADIUM!
...Oh. Damn. Go me, then...
TRIPLED sent out TRIPLED!
Gengar, Hypnotise him!
GENGAR used HYPNOTISE!
GENGAR tied up a HYPNO!
RACHE01: OI! That's MY Hypno!
RACHE used WRATH of the MESSAGE BOARDERS!
...
What happened?
...
Hello? What happened to my Gengar?
NARRATOR is still trying to DETERMINE the EXTENT of the DAMAGE!
That bad...
...
Well? Can you give me an estimate?
NARRATOR used ESTIMATE!
NARRATOR guesses that on a scale where full health is 0 and death is
1, GENGAR currently sits at approximately 10a where 'a' equals 10b
where 'b' equals 10c whe-
Uh...
To determine the EXTENT of the DAMAGE, one must be some sort of
HIGHER MIND, have EXTENDED KNOWLEDGE of ALL MATHEMATICAL FORMULAS discovered in PAST,
PRESENT and FUTURE, and have a LOT OF SPARE TIME... not to mention a LOT of JOTTER PAPER!
Uh... So Gengar died?
GENGAR recieved so much DAMAGE that it DIED, then came back to LIFE
with full health!
Cool!
Then was turned into a small bunny rabbit, a bowl of petunias, every
pokemon in existance (and several that aren't), eighteen different rocks of interesting
colours, shapes and sizes, a Brittany Spears LP Record, several exotic varieties of
cheese, a 5¼ inch floppy disk, a rather sad-looking dragon one foot tall, a bear-skin
rug, a computer monitor, a stack of comic books, an extensive system of heating ducts, a
portrait of a bowl of fruit, an actual bowl of fruit, a small pile of gems, a nuclear
warhead, a bottle of cough medicine, a llama, a black-robed Sephiroth clone, a grandfather
clock, a KFC family meal with 1.25L coke and apple crumble, and a faulty dishwasher in
quick succession, each time being killed after being left alive just long enough to
realise what it was!
...Ouch?
Then finally was turned into some sort of higher mind with extended
knowledge of all mathematical formulas discovered in past, present and future, given a lot
of jotter paper, and placed in a time warp and given exactly enough spare time to
determine the extent of the damage it had sustained!
...And then...
DIED from SHOCK!
For the last time?
No!
GENGAR was then brought back in GENGAR form!
Then teleported mysteriously to the HOCAKT!
...Isn't that the HOCACT?
NO!
The HOCACT (House of Cute and Cuddly things) is NOTHING compared to
the torture of the HOCAKT (Hall of Chou and Kawaii things)!
GENGAR was PERMANENTLY ERADICATED from EXISTANCE in ALL PLANES of
EXISTANCE throughout TIME and SPACE!
Send out next pokemon?
*sigh* Go me.
TR7395 sent out TR7395
Steal!
Double Team!
TR7395 used STEEL!
TR7395 thwacked TRIPLED over the head with a STEEL BAR!
TRIPLED's vision went FUZZY!
TRIPLED can see DOUBLE!
TRIPLED sees DOUBLE TEAM rocket agent(s) in front of him!
Owww... Fire spin!
Mug!
TRIPLED is SEEING THINGS!
TRIPLED is ENTRANCED by an image of SPINNING FIRE in front of him!
...No I'm no-
THWACK!
Ooh, spinny shiny burning purdy... Whee, colourzzzzz...
TR7395 threw a MUG of VERY HOT COFFEE onto TRIPLED!
TRIPLED snapped out of it!
TRIPLED snapped INTO PAIN!
...Literally!
TRIPLED jumped around in GREAT PAIN, TRIPPED and BROKE his LEG!
Gah... much pain... Recover!
TRIPLED REplaced the COVERing material on his LEG, so he doesn't
have to SEE it!
It's not very effective...
Hmm... You do realise that clones such as yourself aren't
resurrected like ordinary people and thrown out the black portal?
Uh... you're lying.
They just dissolve into little bits and aren't seen again. No black
portal for you, little guy...
Narrator, is he telling the truth?
No! TR7395 is just PULLING your LEG!
Phew.
Literally!
It's REALLY, REALLY PAINFUL!
Aaarrgggh!
Yes! Endless pitfall!
TR7395 used ENDLESSPITFALL!
TRIPLED FELL into a PIT!
...NARRATOR feels that this battle will END in LESS time if he just
says TRIPLED has left the ARENA!
TR7395 wins!
We're up to the finals, folks! The winner of this battle between
good guys will advance to the grand battle, and the next battle will be a competition
between bad guys for the same! Garrett the Holy, hero of Dark Version, takes on the
shadowy being KB of the Message Boarders!
Tournament Battle #12 July 19th, 2001
Players: KB
Garrett the Holy
Great, I've got to fight another good guy.
Prepare to meet your doom, evil creature of shadow!
Hey, wait, I'm no-
NARRATOR used SHUSH!
It's a lot easier for EVERYONE if you're EVIL for THIS BATTLE, K?
But I'm a good guy! I work for the MBers!
NARRATOR sighed!
NARRATOR used DARKLEGACY!
KB was infected with DARKNESS!
KB is fully EVIL!
Er...
(KB should JUST PLAY ALONG, DAMMIT!)
Eh... right. Aha! I am all evil and such and will destroy you, puny
hero! Was that okay?
Wai?! WAIII?! *sob*
NARRATOR BREAKs into TEARS!
Eh...
FABRIC of TIME and SPACE was BROKEN and TORN!
Always a good thing to happen in the first 20 lines of any battle.
WEAVER of TIME and SPACE is HORRIFIED!
WEAVER was planning to make a NEW PAIR OF PANTS out of THAT!
WEAVER wants to know who's RESPONSIBLE!
Him.
Him.
KB and HOLYGARY point at NARRATOR!
However, since NARRATOR is IMMATERIAL, KB and HOLYGARY appear to be
pointing at EACH OTHER!
WEAVER is ENRAGED!
WEAVER wrapped the FABRIC around the ARENA!
FREAKY STUFF happened!
CONTENDERS were THROWN across TIME!
CONTENDERS landed in BATTLE #5!
Oh god... where are we? It's so... black...
Not back here... before they put scenery in Dark Version...
NARRATOR remembers this!
NARRATOR looks OVER THERE and FREEZES!
Uh... what's over there?
...
Hmm?
...
HELLO?
Garrett, if you haven't noticed, the Narrator is currently nothing
more than a floating iceblock.
Hmm? Oh. Fire Sword!
NARRATOR was UNTHAWED!
Unthawed? Shouldn't that be-
DO NOT POINT OUT THE NARRATOR'S MISTAKES!
Uh...
THE NARRATOR DOES NOT MAKE MISTAKES!
Then how could we point them-
*BZZTTSHEEEWWW!*
Owwww... that was a painful sound effect. Okay. Why'd you freeze?
NARRATOR points OVER THERE!
Remember that we don't actually know what's OVER THERE until you
tell us.
OVER THERE was renamed PLACE with THREE SHADOWY FIGURES and
WEIRD-LOOKING MACHINE!
Yeah... and your point being...
NARRATOR hands COPIES of DARKVERSIONBATTLE#5 all round!
NARRATOR ran away!
Hmm... Dark Version Battle #5... I was here back then...
Really? Was it fun?
Not really... The Webmaster was new to the job, the Narrators kept
getting killed, Team Rocket owned the place - though they don't rock up for a couple
battles yet.
Who're those three, then?
No idea. If the Narrator's that scared it's probably not a good idea
to hang around.
Eh. Let's go find him, then.
...
...
Uh...
Um...
So... how are we supposed to do that?
Working without a Narrator sucks about as much as working with a
Narrator.
D'y'think... we could do it?
Worth a try.
Holygary ran away!
...
Nup, didn't work.
You've got to give it the impressive overtones...
Alright... you try.
Eh-heh-hem... KB ran away!
Did it work?
...
Hello? KB?
...
Right then... I guess it did work. Um...
HOL- No. I think I'll do it my way, actually. Eh-hem...
GARRETTTHEHOLY ran away!
...
Ow, that's hard on the throat.
...
Oh, come on. You can't tell me that didn't work.
...
FINE THEN. HOLYGARY ran away!
HOLYGARY appeared!
Nice of you to join us.
NARRATOR suggests STARTING THE BATTLE ALREADY!
...Oh yeah, we're supposed to be doing that, aren't we?
Alright! Sword, attack!
Ah, the sword as always... Well, Cohen the Barbarian! I choose you!
HOLYGARY sent out SWORD!
KB sent out COHEN!
NARRATOR would like to take this opportunity to remind all
contenders that the attacks STRIKE and SLASH are NOT AVAILABLE!
Cohen, Melee attack!
Rust spore!
COHEN used MELEEATTACK!
COHEN TACKed ME to LEE!
...OI!
NARRATOR pulled LEE off and THREW him off into the VOID!
SWORD used RUST SPORE!
SPORES of RUST floated off to the SIDE and formed a COLONY!
RUST COLONY began to PROLIFE- POLI- PROLIFIRA- SPREAD!
Umm... Narrator... wouldn't it be a good idea to avoid leaving
things around in this time? I mean, it's rather unlikely that nobody's going to notice
that big pile of rust there...
KB has a POINT!
KB was given RESPONSIBILITY over RUST COLONY!
RUST COLONY was moved onto COHEN!
COHEN is HAVING TROUBLE BREATHING!
...Note for future - Shut up. Cohen, see if you can throw it off!
COHEN used THROW!
RUST COLONY was fully THROWN!
Power break!
RUST COLONY hit the BRAKES!
RUST COLONY held a VERY LARGE CONVERSATION!
While SUSPENDED in MIDAIR!
RUST COLONY decided that they'd HAD ENOUGH of being PUSHED AROUND by
the POWERful PEOPLE!
RUST COLONY jumped back on COHEN!
Damn... Cohen, Charge!
COHEN used CHARGE!
COHEN took care of his CHARGE - that being, RUST COLONY!
RUST COLONY likes COHEN now!
Jagged edge!
SWORD used JAGGED EDGE!
SWORD forced ED to watch an episode of JAG!
...NARRATOR doesn't know what JAG was about!
Or, for that matter, who ED is!
Or how the word EDGE could possibly be used in this ATTACK!
Overall... ATTACK failed!
War cry!
COHEN used WAR CRY!
COHEN looked AROUND!
COHEN began to see the FUTILITY of WAR!
COHEN wept for the FALLEN!
...It's a blank void! There's nothing to see! There are no fallen!
COHEN points at SCATTERED BODIES of DARKAUTHORITIES!
COHEN has had ENOUGH of this LIFE!
COHENTHEBARBARIAN was renamed COHENTHERUSTFARMER!
COHEN refuses to FIGHT!
Send out next pokemon?
Santa, it's your turn!
KB sent out SANTA!
Hmm... Santa, eh? Alright, Sword! Use... cut!
SWORD used CUT!
SWORD CUT SANTA's BEARD!
SANTA's BEARD is now UNEVEN and SCRAGGLY!
SANTA is ENRAGED!
Santa! Do the same thing you did last time!
SANTA used SACKGRAB!
SANTA shoved his SACK over SWORD!
SANTA learnt that trying to hold a HUGE, RUSTY BLADE inside a SACK
just DOESN'T WORK!
SANTA's SACK was BADLY DAMAGED!
Fury Swipes!
SWORD is FURIOUS at having been TREATED like THAT!
SWORD SWIPED some of the CONTENTS of the SACK!
SANTA is even MORE ENRAGED!
Fat slam!
SANTA used FAT SLAM!
SANTA has discovered FIRSTHAND that there is a LOT of FAT in SaLAMi!
DARKWEBMASTER has done the SAME... but still likes it!
DARKWEBMASTER ate SALAMI!
Sword! Use Clean Shave!
SWORD used CLEANSHAVE!
SWORD CLEANed a local BARBER SHOP!
Narrator, there's no scenery... there ARE no barber shops.
Oh... well, in that case, SWORD attempted to CLEANLY SHAVE OFF
SANTA's BEARD!
...The attack failed!
Phew.
NARRATOR thinks you might MISUNDERSTAND!
What?
NARRATOR notes that it's VERY DIFFICULT to shave CLEANLY with
something that BIG and RUSTY!
...Oh boy.
SANTA's FACE was renamed BLOODY MESS!
RUST caused INFECTION!
SANTA is in GREAT PAIN!
Uh... Santa, use Unearthly Wail!
SANTA used UNEARTHLY WAIL!
WHALE from MARS swam past!
O_O
O.o
WHALE used CARELESSTAILFWAPS!
SANTA fainted!
WHALE used CARELESSTAILFWAPS!
SWORD did GREAT DAMAGE to TAIL!
UNEARTHLY WHALE let out an UNEARTHLY WAIL!
WHALE ran away!
KB sent out KB!
You can never hope to defeat the forces of good, shadowy one!
Hmm? Shadow blade!
KB used SHADOWBLADE!
KB obtained a SHADOWBLADE!
Stab him!
SWORD used STAB!
The attack missed!
SWORD can't SEE KB!
...That's fairly obvious, it's not like it has eyes or anything...
FINE then... GARRETT can't SEE KB to AIM with SWORD!
Gah, he's right... how on earth am I supposed to fight a being
composed of shadow in a black void?!
NARRATOR shrugs!
Shadow blast!
SHADOW-B-LAST!
Guaranteed to make sure those shadows DON'T go away!
Only $24.98 at a store near you!
NARRATOR sprayed SHADOW-B-LAST around the place!
...And this has the effect of...
KB can't RUN AWAY!
...
Let there be light!
HOLYGARY used LETTHEREBELIGHT!
And LO, there was LIGHT!
Hey, cool, it worked.
However, this is not LO!
LO is DOWN THERE!
NARRATOR points DOWN, where there is a TINY SPOT OF LIGHT!
LOLIGHT completely fails to ILLUMINATE anything!
...Highlight, then.
NETSCAPE COMPOSER doesn't HAVE a HIGHLIGHT TOOL!
No effect!
Slice!
KB used SLICE!
KB offered HOLYGARY a SLICE of SHADOW CAKE!
HOLYGARY is TEMPTED to EAT IT!
...No I'm not. I can't even see it.
HOLYGARY is TEMPTED to EAT IT!
...No, actually, I'm fairly sure that-
HOLYGARY is TEMPTED to EAT IT!
I don't want any of his cake, okay?
HOLYGARY is ABOUT to EAT IT!
Okay! Okay! I'm tempted to eat it!
THANK YOU!
Satisfied?
HOLYGARY ATE IT!
HOLYGARY is VERY SATISFIED, YES!
...
...
Wow, that stuff is good... got any more?
Damn...
Hey, I can see you now! Night vision, cool stuff! Firaga sword!
SWORD used FIRAGA SWORD!
VIVI isn't HERE!
ATTACK is UNAVAILABLE!
...
Morph!
KB used MORPH!
KB got MORE FF!
KB got FF6, FF7, FF8, and FF9!
Yay. ^_^
Hmph. That won't help you against cold steel!
HOLYGARY used STEEL!
HOLYGARY STOLE KB's FF!
Yay. XD
Hey, that's mine! Shadow Blast!
KB used SHADOW-B-LAST!
KB's COMPLAINT will B seen to LAST, AFTER the BATTLE is FINISHED!
><
Holy blade!
SWORD used HOLY BLADE!
BLADE was shot full of HOLES!
HOLYGARY should've seen that one COMING!
Damn... Return, sword. I'll take you on myself.
HOLYGARY sent out HOLYGARY!
Gauntlet smash!
HOLYGARY SMASHed a GAUNTLET ARCADE MACHINE over KB's HEAD!
It's rather HEAVY!
Hey... that hurt... Counterstrike!
KB used COUNTERSTRIKE!
KB SMASHED a COUNTERSTRIKE CD-ROM over HOLYGARY's HELMET!
It's rather... NOT!
Go back to your master, creature of shadow! I banish you from this
place!
HOLYGARY used BANISH!
...NARRATOR can't think of a PUN for THAT ONE!
So...
It's SUPER EFFECTIVE!
What?! No! You can't-
KB was DRAMATICALLY BANISHED to NIGHTMARE VERSION!
SPECIAL EFFECTS were ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT!
However, since we're in a BLACK VOID, and NIGHTMARE's PORTAL COLOUR
is FAIRLY CLOSE to BLACK, they weren't very effective...
HOLYGARY wins!
...
...Um... how are we supposed to get back home?
NARRATOR laughs!
NARRATOR waves a HAND!
Whoa! Watch it, you nearly hit me! Whose hand was that, anyway?
BLACKNESS ran away!
STADIUM appeared!
HOLYGARY has been HERE the WHOLE TIME!
...Then why did you do that in the first place? There doesn't seem
to be much point to it...
HOLYGARY's WORDS were EATEN by a PASSING PLOTHOLE!
...But...
PASSING PLOTHOLE looks HUNGRY!
Do YOU want to be its next meal?
Point taken.
HOLYGARY wins!
And, the final battle before the grand final... The Mega HAC MKII Mecha faces off against the Team Rocket Extra #7395!
Tournament Battle #13 July 25th, 2001
Players: Mega HAC MKII
TR Extra #7395
Puny Extra... Do You Truly Believe That You Could Beat One As
Powerful As I?
Umm... yup!
Foolish Human. You Will Suffer For Your Impudence. Destroy Him,
Master HAC.
DARKWEBMASTER becomes EXTREMELY FRUSTRATED by having to CAPITALIZE
the FIRST LETTER of EVERY WORD!
MEGAHAC sent out MASTERHAC!
Golem, attack!
TR7395 sent out GOLEM!
NELANA: Do you lot mind keeping it down?
...Huh?
BATTLEARENA hasn't CHANGED since MEGAHACvsKIL'JAEDEN BATTLE!
MEGAHAC is still HALF-BURIED in WASTE!
NELANA and SIEGARYZ are MAKING OUT over to ONE SIDE!
...NARRATOR finds that SLIGHTLY DISTURBING, for some reason!
Golem! Start it off with an Earthquake!
PLANET EARTH was TRANSFORMED into a giant game of QUAKE III!
EARTH's POPULATION greatly fell!
No effect on BATTLE!
Master HAC, Firepower!
MASTERHAC used FIREPOWER!
MASTERHAC FIREd a GIANT POW! at GOLEM!
...Er...
POW! hit GOLEM with a great POW!
...It's not very effective...
Golem! Dance for our enemy!
GOLEM used DANCE!
GOLEM... DANCED!
MASTERHAC waits for an ATTACK!
Attack It, Master HAC! Shotgun!
MASTERHAC is ENTRANCED, watching the DANCING GOLEM!
MASTERHAC waits for the ATTACK!
Keep going, Golem! Get ready...
GOLEM's DANCE continued!
MASTERHAC used PARANOIA!
MASTERHAC was PARAlyzed and ANnOIed!
Ready, Golem? Right, on five...
Look Out, Master HAC!
One... Two...
TR7395 used Omni-FWAP!
MASTERHAC was CAUGHT OFF GUARD!
MASTERHAC was GREVIOUSLY INJURED!
Ah, I love being evil... Five!
GOLEM used FIVE-STEP!
It's super CRUSHIFYING!
Various EXPLOSIVE DEVICES carried by MASTERHAC used MULTIBOOM!
SEVERAL BOOMGATES went UP!
GOLEM was THROWN AWAY from MASTERHAC!
Yes!
SEVERAL BOOMGATES went DOWN!
MASTERHAC was CHOPPED into SEVERAL SMALLER PIECES!
Master HAC! Are You Okay?
MASTERHAC dun feel too good...
You Will Pay For That, Extra!
THEMERCENARY appeared!
TR7395 PAID for THAT!
THAT was the REMOVAL of MASTERHAC!
MERCENARY ran away!
MASTERHAC was DRAGGED AWAY!
Send out next pokemon?
Prospector Pete Borg, Go.
MEGAHAC sent out PPB... AGAIN!
Prospector Pete Borg? Wasn't he declared MIA ages ago?
NARRATOR couldn't be bothered CONFIRMING!
...Eh. Golem, try your Dance move again!
GOLEM used DANCEMOVE!
GOLEM watched DAN's MOVE!
DAN moved his BISHOP!
GOLEM thought CAREFULLY!
GOLEM moved his PAWN!
DAN thought CAREFULLY!
Yes! Golem, just keep him busy...
GOLEM used CHESSPLAY!
TR7395 pulled out POCKETLAPTOPDEALY!
TR7395 typed FRANTICALLY!
DAN used CHESSPLAY!
...TR7395 seems to have forgotten something!
...Hmm? Don't talk to me right now, I'm busy...
NARRATOR just thought you MIGHT LIKE TO KNOW that-
I told you, I'll be with you in a moment.
...
...
Damn it, why does Turquoise have to take so long to load?
OPERATION timed OUT!
Gah...
What Do You Think You're Doing?
Trying to prove that Pete ain't available. ^_^
Pete, Attack!
Golem, keep him busy!
GOLEM used MOVEPAWN!
GOLEM hid the MAGAZINES!
Right... I'm never gonna get in here, there's got to be another
way... I know!
TR7395 typed FRANTICALLY!
NARRATOR really thinks you should KNOW that-
History, now, let's see, where was that battle... It can't have been
in the 30s, the Black dudes weren't around then, and it was all tourney stuff... let's try
the 41-45...
Pete! Use Your Stick Attack!
NARRATOR notes that GOLEM is NOT KEEPING PPB BUSY! GOLEM is playing
DAN!
I know that. It's not Pete I'm telling him to keep busy...
Narrator, what move did Golem just use?
GOLEM used QUEEN to KING'S KNIGHT'S FOURTH, capture BISHOP!
...Huh?
GOLEM used QxKKn4!
...Could you describe that, Narrator? I'm not sure I understood.
In this move, GOLEM's QUEEN - that being the tall one with the
crown, capable of moving any number of spaces in the rank (side to side) or file (forwards
and backwards) or diagonally from the square started from - moved three spaces diagonally
and to the right, to the square known as the King's Knight's Fourth...
No, it's not here... It must be in the next set...
...Called such as it is in the file of the King's Knight - ie, the
Knight on the king's side - and in the fourth rank.
Come on, load, you stupid page...
...NARRATOR feels that you're not LISTENING...
Oh yes, yes, knight, king's side, fourth rank, carry on...
Eh-heh-hem... The Queen captured a bishop standing on this square.
That is all.
Oh... okay. Nearly got it...
PPB used STICK!
STICK hit GOLEM and BROKE!
...Eh...
GOLEM is having TROUBLE playing CHESS!
What?
GOLEM doesn't know what MOVE to USE!
Hmm? Just castle!
GOLEM used CASTLE!
Yes! Found it! Look at this, Narrator, it's Dark Version #48,
written by Pete's creator, undeniable proof that PPB vanished in...
DARKWEBMASTER's CASTLE used THE BIG DROP!
DAN was CRUSHED!
PPB was CRUSHED!
GOLEM was CRUSHED!
...Oh. Well, I guess that was unnecessary.
CASTLE used UP!
MEGAHAC sent out MEGAHAC!
...Alright... go, Hitmonlee! Power kick!
Apocalypic Weaponry Blast.
MEGAHAC used A.W.B.!
NARRATOR counts VERY FAST!
A total of 387 WEAPONS of STUPIDLY POWERFUL DESTRUCTION were leveled
at HITMONLEE!
Various POWERINGUP SOUNDS AND LIGHTS were seen!
HITMONLEE used POWER KICK!
MEGAHAC fired ALL WEAPONS!
HITMONLEE KICKed the BUCKET in the wake of such POWER!
HUGE CLOUD of DUST and SMOKE and ENERGY RESIDUE appeared!
HUGE CLOUD of DUST and SMOKE and ENERGY RESIDUE faded!
HITMONLEE is STILL STANDING!
...Amazing... can you attack?
Prod.
MEGAHAC used PROD!
At the SLIGHTEST TOUCH, HITMONLEE vaporized!
...Oh... Go me, then.
You Were Warned, Extra... You Have No Chance Against Me...
Ahaha...
What?
Hahahahahahaaa...
Why Are You Laughing? You Are About To Be Destroyed!
HAHAHAHA... You are a fool, HAC... You underestimated me...
What Is This?
Do you think Giovanni would be stupid enough to send a useless, weak
extra into battle? No, I'm no ordinary extra... Behold, my true form!
TR7395 used TRUEFORMBEHOLDING!
TR7395 was renamed CS7395!
...The Crooked Salesmen of Ruby?
That's right, big guy... and when you get Crooked Salesmen, you get
these...
CS7395 held up a CAPSULE CORP CAPSULE DEALY!
...
CS7395 activated it!
CROOKED SALESMAN MECHA appeared!
CS7395 was renamed CSM!
Ready for a taste of those big guns?
Are You? Apocalyptic Weaponry Blast!
MEGAHAC is OUT OF AMMO!
...What?!
There's only so much ammo one can hold for 387 weapons of that size,
you know...
Hmph. I Can Still Attack You Physically!
Erm... I'd take this opportunity to note that you're trapped up to
your waist in manure...
...
Shoulder Cannon!
CSM pulled out a REALLY, REALLY, REALLY big gun!
CSM used AIM!
MEGAHAC is in REALLY, REALLY, REALLY big trouble!
SHOULDER CANNON began to CHARGE!
LIGHTS flashed!
POWER gathered!
LOUD WHINE greatly rose!
ELECTRICITY flashed!
RANDOM KANGAROO bounced by!
ENERGY focused!
MEGAHAC sees the LIGHT at the end of the TUNNEL - and it's a REALLY
BIG ENERGY BEAM!
SHOULDER CANNON fired!
...
...
This isn't going to be another one of those damage determining
things, is it?
No, NARRATOR is counting CASUALTIES!
Hmm?
BACKLASH of WEAPON hit HAMMY'S ARMY!
It's somewhat DEVASTATING!
EVERY HAC within 50M of the BLAST was INSTANTLY VAPORIZED!
...And the big one?
ACTUAL WEAPON FIRE was ~750x more powerful than BACKLASH!
...That's really, really gotta hurt.
BLAST completely FAILED to HURT MEGAHAC!
...Huh? How could it have survived that, let alone unscathed?
NARRATOR notes that MEGAHAC has no PAIN RECEPTORS!
NARRATOR also notes that even if it DID, it was BLOWN TO BITS so
FAST it would have never felt a THING!
...No, wait... MEGAHAC's HEAD remains!
...Narrator... Why... Let... Extra... Win?
NARRATOR believes there are three reasons for this.
1) WEBMASTER is just REALLY SICK of WRITING YOUR CAPITAL LETTERS!
2) MEGAHAC's COLOUR is just TOO CLOSE to HOLYGARY's!
...The Third?
3) Your OPPONENT was BETTER! DUH!
Hmm... MegaHAC head...
CSM picked up MEGAHAC's HEAD!
...You know, I think your head fits in this cannon dealy...
No... You... Wouldn't...
Um... actually, yes I would.
CSM loaded SHOULDER CANNON with MEGAHAC's HEAD!
CSM lowered POWER of WEAPON!
CSM turned and aimed at HAMMY!
Catch your servant, rodent.
CSM used SHOULDERCANNON!
Arrrgghhh.
HAMMY used FORCESHIELD!
MEGAHACHEAD hit FORCESHIELD!
SHOULDERCANNONBLAST hit MEGAHACHEAD!
HAMMY's ANGER greatly SKYROCKETED!
CSM greatly WON!