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All of the battles in this archive (with the exception of battle
#13 and #15) starred Emerald’s resident exterminator. Some weren’t as funny as
others (such as battle #11) while others were quite funny (such as battle #12).
Be sure to check these out.
Battle #11:
C:\>Computer Battle 1.0 April
10, 2000
Setting: Game 0% / Reality 100% / Anime 0%
Player: Sean
the Exterminator [3-1-0]
Ah… I love this
job!
Uh oh! I’ve got a
Windows 2001 testing job due!
I better get to
work!
COMPUTER PROG. SEAN
booted up WINDOWS!
WINDOWS wants to
fight!
Lemme get this
straight. A computer program wants to fight me?
WINDOWS sent out
WINDOWS!
Fine! Go me!
Use, uh, hmm… What
attacks do I have?
COMPUTER PROG. SEAN
has DOS PROMPT, ILLEGAL OPERATION, DEBUG, and TYPE!
That stinks!
Live with it!
OK, uh, use that illegal
operation attack!
COMPUTER PROG. SEAN
used ILLEGAL OPERATION!
Critical hit!
WINDOWS performed
an ILLEGAL OPERATION and will be shut down!
WINDOWS fainted!
Oh no! I shut down
Windows 2001, and now I havta use Dos!
Um… Use, er, Dos
prompt!
COMPUTER PROG. SEAN
used DOS PROMPT!
C:/>
Uh…?
C:/>DOS
C:/>DOS/RUN
RUN/DOS/RUN
????
What does this all
mean?
Explain this all
to me immediately!
CAN’T:/>YOU/TAKE/A/JOKE?
Uh… I don’t get
it!
COMPUTER PROG. SEAN
is confused!
It hurt itself in
it’s confusion!
COMPUTER PROG. SEAN
fainted!
BILL GATES
appeared!
BILL GATES: You
didn’t finish your Windows 2001 testing job!
BILL GATES: You’re
fired!
What? COMPUTER
PROG. SEAN is de-evolving!
COMPUTER PROG. SEAN
de-evolved into SEAN!
Battle #12:
Ads, Ads, and Ads! April 18, 2000
Setting: Game 0% / Reality 90% / Anime 10%
Player: Sean
the Exterminator [3-2-0]
Hmm… Since Gates fired me, I guess I gotta be a bug killer again.
I’ll go to the hardware store to buy some more bug traps and poison
refills.
SEAN is GOING to HARDWARE STORE!
That’s a bit too much caps lock, Webmaster!
CAPS LOCK! On DELL QUIET-KEY KEYBOARDS! © 2000 DELL INC.
Wow…The advertising manager is more obnoxious than usual today…
DARKSLOTH appeared!
DARKSLOTH! © 2000 Red Version!
DARKSLOTH says that’s his line from Red Version battle fifty-two!
ASH appeared!
ASH! © 2000 4Kids Entertainment.
ASH says saying “____ says that’s his line!” is his line!
Oh yeah! I remember that from battle one!
ASH is angry!
ASH is actually afraid, not angry!
ASH ran!
DARKSLOTH is following in PURSUIT!
That was strange!
Why’d it happen?
WEBMASTER got SIDETRACKED!
WEBMASTER often gets SIDETRACKED!
Sigh…
Ah! I’m finally at the hardware store.
Hey! How much is that ant trap?
ANT TRAP! © 2000 RAID INC.
Yeah, that’s uh, nice. But how much is it? Tax?
TAX CUT! Do your taxes on your PC! © 2000 KIPLINGER CO.
Uh, that too. How much though? In $ or ¢ or ₤ or £?
MONEY is in ¥!
¥! © 2000 JAPANESE PEOPLE.
Agggh!! Too many ads!
SEAN is angry!
SEAN wants to fight!
Hmm… I’ll just take one of these ant traps!
Go, ANT TRAP!
AD MANAGER sent out AD!
Okay, use trap!
ANT TRAP used TRAP!
AD was TRAPPED!
AD can’t move!
The attack continues!
How can an ad get trapped?
Don’t ask!
AD can’t move!
Oh, uh, it’s my turn, isn’t it?
It’s SEAN’S turn!
Right! Can you use, uh, bait?
ANT TRAP used BAIT!
AD was baited!
AD was poisoned!
AD fainted!
AD MANAGER sent out BANNER!
Hmmm…. Use, um…Wha-?
BANNER intrigues ANT TRAP!
ANT TRAP ran away!
Aww… Shoot!
Go at ‘em, Poison gas!
Go, POISON GAS!
Oh-kay! Use your spray-spritz!
POISON GAS used SPRAY-SPRITZ!
BANNER fainted!
AD MANAGER ran away!
SEAN wins!
Great! Oh wait a minute... What’s the catch?
AD MANAGER appeared!
The battle ended in a draw!
QUICK-DRAW! A coral in the OLD WEST! © 2000 WESTERN CO LTD.
Battle #13:
Friday the 13th April 21, 2000
Setting: Game 0% / Reality 100% / Anime 0%
Player: The
Floor [0-4-1]
Friday the 13th?
But today’s Friday the 21st!
Today is Battle
#13!
So? Ah, well. It
doesn’t matter.
JASON appeared!
Jason? Jason Ross?
I’ve always wanted to meet him!!
JASON is not
JASONR!
He’s not…?
Wait a minute…this
b-battle w-wasn’t called….
JASON is grinning!
Eeek! (I really
have to get out of that habit.)
What’re you
g-going to d-do with that ch-chainsaw?
JASON used CHAINSAW
ATTACK!
It’s super
effective!
Ack!! You should
be a lumberjack, pal!
JASON used-
JASON: Hmm…
What? JASON is
evolving!
JASON evolved into
LUMBERJACK!
LUMBERJACK is
happy!
Well now!
Maybe Friday the
13th isn’t so bad after all!
What? WORLD is ending!
WORLD has ended!
FLOOR lost to
WORLD!
Battle #14:
Bumbling Burglaries April 27, 2000
Setting: Game 0% / Reality 100% / Anime 0%
Player: Sean
the Exterminator [3-2-1]
Time to go back
home from the hardware store.
I think I’ll call home
to make sure no one’s inside.
Ring! Ring!
BURGLAR answers!
Holy Kamoli! A
burglar’s in my house! Who is this?
BURGLAR: I’m, uh,
Sean, the, uh, Exterminator. Yeah, that’s it.
But I’m Sean!
BURGLAR: So we have
the same name! What’s it to ya?
Get out of my
house!
BURGLAR says OK,
but first he has to take all of SEAN’S STUFF!
Hey! You thief!
BURGLAR thanks you
for the compliment!
BURGLAR took TV!
That’s my big
screen!
BURGLAR says even
more reason to take it!
BURGLAR sees PC!
That’s a Dell
Pentium III Processor with 1000 MHZ! Hands off!
BURGLAR took PC!
No!!! If you take
that computer, this website will never again be updated!
BURGLAR doesn’t
care!
BURGLAR took MONEY!
BURGLAR picked up
150,000 ¥!
Hey!!!!
BURGLAR: Nice
talkin’ to ya, Mr. Exterminator!
BURGLAR hung up!
I’m going to drive
home!
BURGLAR appeared!
BURGLAR took CAR!
SEAN is angry!
SEAN wants to
fight!
Yeah I do! Go, ant
trap!
Go, ANT TRAP!
Bait ’em, boy!
ANT TRAP used BAIT!
BURGLAR is fully
baited!
BURGLAR took BAIT!
BURGLAR was poisoned!
BURGLAR fainted!
SEAN wins!
SEAN picked up TV,
PC, and 150,000 ¥!
Battle #15: At
the Studio April 30,
2000
Setting: Game 0% / Reality 100% / Anime 0%
Player:
Burglar [0-1-0]
He he he… Now to
the bank!
BURGLAR ran to
BANK!
This is a holdup! Muhahahahahahaha!
Give me all your money!
SUPERGUY appeared!
BYSTANDER: It’s a
bird… It’s a fruit cake… It’s… Uh…. Er…
SUPERGUY: Yeah,
yeah, get on with it!
BYSTANDER: Line?
DIRECTOR: Cut!!
DIRECTOR: The line
is “It’s Superguy!”
I said gimme your
money!
DIRECTOR looks at
BURGLAR!
DIRECTOR: Johnny,
we’re not taping.
What are you
yapping about?
BURGLAR is
confused!
It hurt itself in
its confusion!
DIRECTOR gasps!
DIRECTOR: You’re
not Johnny! You’re a real burglar!
What’s it to ya?
SUPERGUY is scared!
SUPERGUY ran!
BYSTANDER ran!
DIRECTOR ran!
JOHNNY appeared!
JOHNNY: Oh hi. You
must be the new stunt double.
No, I’m not!
JOHNNY is angry!
JOHNNY wants to
fight!
Hah! Try this! Go,
Lockpick!
Go, LOCKPICK!
JOHNNY sent out
AUTOGRAPH!
LOCKPICK used
PICKLOCK!
LOCKPICK PICKED the
LOCK!
AUTOGRAPH fainted!
JOHNNY ran!
BURGLAR wins!
Hey! I won, but I got no money!