Shit BROCK, this week has been fucking great.
BROCK: Same here buddy.
That MISTY is fuckin' hot eh? She tagged a bunch of pics of us on Facebook, filled my inbox with notification spam.
BROCK: Ha, I'd like to fill her inbox, if you know what I mean.
Hey, shut up.
BROCK: Just sayin', that's a quality inbox. Outlook Express she ain't.
Yeah, she's a Thunderbird alright.
BROCK: Yeah, you caught MOLTRES. Or ZAPDOS, whichever one is ELECTRIC type, I forget.
Don't make like you don't remember all the POKéMON damn well, you fucking nerd.
BROCK: True, I seem to have a sharp mental POKéDEX today for some reason. It's strange actually... how much knowledge of POKéMON I seem to have at this very moment.
Hahaha, you're so high. Hey, PASS that Volcano over here man.
BROCK used BATON PASS!
What the fuck you giving me a BATON for? I asked for the Volcano!
BROCK: What do you want a volcano for?
The vaporizer, you idiot?
BROCK: Oh, the vape. My bad ASH, I'm fucking stoned out of my mind here.
What the fuck man, it's cool, just PASS it.
BROCK: ASH, I feel really weird, bro.
What do you mean BROCK?
BROCK: Suddenly I want to catch all the POKéMON. Also, I can't feel my face.
Man... what. I wasn't even listening to what you were saying for the last 5 minutes dude.
ASH is confused!
It hurt itself in its confusion!
What the fuck dude, did you just kick me?
BROCK: No, huh?
What... don't play with me, why'd you hit me?
BROCK: Dude, you're high. Here, hit this volcano.
Finally man, I've been asking for it for an hour, and now you're hitting me and shit.
BROCK: Don't know what you're talking about. Here.
BROCK used BATON PASS!
What the hell dude?
BROCK: ASH, I know this is going to sound weird, but the only thing I can seem to PASS you is this BATON.
I... what? OK, you must be really fuckin' high dude. Just. PASS. The. Vape.
BROCK: There is... no move called PASS. Maybe you want me to smash a rock? I'm really feeling smashing a rock right now.
What the fuck are you saying? Just pick up the Volcano and give it to me.
BROCK: It seems like all I can PASS are BATONs. I'm trying REALLY HARD. to. PASS.
...
BROCK used BATON PASS!
WHAT THE FUCK DUDE! YOU REALLY ARE TRYING HARD!
BROCK: ??!
? PUT SOME PANTS ON, JESUS, DID YOU TOUCH ME?
BROCK: I'm sorry dude. I tried to use BATON PASS. But all I can seem to do is PASS BATONs or BATON-shaped things. I didn't mean to... PASS... like that.
I should've known you were gay, since you have BATONs lying around in your basement.
BROCK: Dude, I'm not gay, think of all the girls I've fucked! There's 150 or more!
You so haven't fucked 150 girls.
BROCK: Plus, that's not even my BATON! I have no idea where it came from! Anyway, it's probably more like 650 by now.
...You're full of shit. But, I have seen you fuck a lot of girls, and also I've never seen that BATON before.
BROCK: Yeah you did once remember, you walked in on me with that sorority girl in the Viridian City gym locker room?
No I meant the REAL BATON. But I concede, you've definitely proven you like girls and you don't normally have cheerleading equipment lying around
BROCK: Yeah I do sometimes...
That ONE time. And she gave you the POKérus remember?
BROCK: Damn, those cheerleaders are sluts. But, you're right, I haven't fucked any cheerleaders since we were in college.
Shit. Can you believe college was only 6 years ago?
BROCK: ASH, this going to sound weird man, but I think that BATON just... appeared.
What do you mean? You're blazed as fuck.
BROCK: Also, I feel like an otherworldly, red voice is narrating our every comment and action.
What the fuck are you on, dude? Besides tree, I mean.
ASH is confused!
ASH hurt himself in his confusion!
Stop hitting me!
BROCK: Stop hitting yourself!
WHAT THE FUCK MAN. That's it!!
BROCK: Don't give in man!
Give in to what? You just keep pushing and pushing man. I want to fight.
ASH wants to fight!
BROCK: Oh, fuck, here we go. I think I know what this is, ASH. I took these shrooms once...
BROCK wants to fight!
BROCK: SHIT! ASH, all I want to do is catch all the POKéMON!
Shut up and let's fight!
BROCK: ASH, this isn't real.
What bullshit are you spouting now?
BROCK: ASH, we're... it's a POKé Battle dude. Think about it, you don't really want to fight, do you? Or...
Yeah I do, I want to fight!
BROCK: Or do you want to battle?
Same shit, different words, dumbass!
BROCK: Yeah but you don't want to hit me, do you? You want to... send something out...
...That's weird, I was thinking that would be appropriate. Ahem. To. Send THIS out!
ASH sent out PILLOW!
BROCK: See?! Didn't you hear this red voice telling you that you sent out a pillow?
I was. Throwing that shit at you! Because I'm pissed off! Now stop being a dick! Stop... having a dick!
BROCK: Stop having a dick?
Yeah. Now. Or I'll... defeat you!
BROCK: Oh yeah? Defeat me?
Yeah. Um. Pillow, attack!
BROCK: See? Listen to yourself! You're trying to order a pillow to hit me!
...
PILLOW used SPLASH!
But nothing happened!
BROCK: AND IT USED AN ATTACK!
Yeah I mean, a pillow's a weak POKéMON. Like Magikarp.
BROCK: ASH. Listen to what you just said.
...
...
HOLY FUCK. That PILLOW just... It used...
BROCK.
BROCK: Yeah?
WHY IS THAT PILLOW A POKéMON NOW.
BROCK: ...I don't know man, but, I think we have to Catch. Everything.
To be continued.