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Power of Knowledge
Color key: Game Text / Dialogue
Marowak lacked enough knowledge to realize he was dead.
This is a rarity - a Pokémon being used as a main character... and it's not Pikachu! Cubone has a lengthy conflict with the narrator before and after a battle with Pikachu. Cubone manages to become a narrator himself in this unique battle. Scroll down to the secondary battle to read this lengthy battle.
Battle #41: A Freakish Evolution December 22, 1999
Setting: Game / Reality
Player: Cubone [No Record]
Written by gamaxson@paulbunyan.net New Author
Gee, this is a dull day.
CUBONE thinks DAY is dull.
Of course! I just said that!
CUBONE repeats what he said.
Shut up.
CUBONE is angry!
What is wrong with this voice?
CUBONE falls into tub of ICE CREAM!
Nooo! I did NOT want that to happen!
CUBONE can't swim!
What?! I can too!
CUBONE is drowning!
Save me from this insane voice!
CUBONE is sinking!
That's not fair! Help! AAAA! I can't breathe!
CUBONE can't breathe!
ICE CREAM turns into puddle!
...
PIKACHU saves CUBONE!
*cough cough, sputter.*
CUBONE is coughing and sputtering!
What? A Pikachu?! Why does that stupid thing have to save me?!
PIKACHU: Pika!!!
PIKACHU fries CUBONE.
But...
CUBONE is dead.
NO! I refuse to die!
PIKACHU sits on CUBONE's corpse.
STOP! STOP! STOP! I'm not dead!
CUBONE is a ghost.
No! I want to be me again! Alive!
CUBONE is evolving!
That's better.
CUBONE evolved into ME!
Huh? That's not what I wanted!
NARRATOR is yelled at by ME.
ME thinks transformation is cool.
ME is a narrator!
NARRATOR is angry!
NARRATOR wants to fight!
ME wants to fight!
NARRATOR sends out TABLELEG!
ME sends out BONE!
BONE smacks TABLELEG!
TABLELEG faints!
NARRATOR thinks this is unfair!
ME is laughing.
NARRATOR sends out MASTERBALL!
ME is caught!
ME turns back into CUBONE!
Get me out of here!
RRRR! I want to evolve, the right way!
CUBONE evolved in RIGHTWAY!
NOOOOO! Not again! *^#*#&@@$*!!!
RIGHTWAY is cussing about!
I'll show you!
RIGHTWAY used LEFT!
Wha...?
It's super effective!
RIGHTWAY left the building!
yeah!
What? RIGHTWAY is evolving!
RIGHTWAY evolved into MAROWAK!
WOOHOO!
What? Marowak is devolving!
MAROWAK devolved into CUBONE!
GRRR!
What? CUBONE is evolving!
CUBONE evolved into CUBONE!
shut up, will ya?
CUBONE evolved into MAROWAK!
STOP IT!
MAROWAK is dead.
No.
MAROWAK is dead.
I said no!
MAROWAK is dead.
I'm not dead!
MAROWAK is dead.
what is wrong with you?
MAROWAK is more dead.
I hate you!
MAROWAK is even more dead.
um...
DEAD MAROWAK is confused!
no, I'm not!
DEAD MAROWAK hurt itself in its confusion!
I am not an it!
DEAD MAROWAK exploded!
God help me.
Misty's fear of bugs overpowered her.
In this battle, Ash battles against Misty for no apparent reason, other than the fact that Misty wants to. This is one of the few game-based battles in Blue Version, which has traditionally been almost exclusively set in reality. Will Ash be able to prove himself a better trainer? Find out below…
Battle #42: The Battle with Misty December 22, 1999
Setting: Game / Reality
Player: Ash [Record: 1-0-0] Last Battle: Win vs. Boba Fett (Battle #24)
Written by pelcovits@physics.brown.edu New Author
I have to catch more Pokémon
Misty wants to fight!
Misty! Why Misty?
Misty doesn't know!
Misty sent out Staryu!
Pidgeotto, I choose you!
Enemy Staryu used Be a movie Star!
Enemy Staryu is famous and on TV!
Pidgeotto, beak attack!
Pidgeotto used beak!
It's not very effective...
Enemy Staryu used Jewelry!
Misty is wearing Staryu's core as Jewelry!
Pidgeotto, feather attack!
Pidgeotto used feather!
Critical hit!
It's super effective!
Enemy Staryu fainted!
Misty sent out Starmie!
Enemy Starmie used Core shine!
It's not very effective...
Pidgeotto fainted!
Squirtle, I choose you!
Enemy Starmie used rainbow!
It's super effective!
Squirtle! Oh no! Fight back with your squirt attack!
Squirtle used squirt!
It's super effective!
Enemy Starmie fainted!
Misty sent out Goldeen!
Squirtle return! Bulbasaur I choose you!
Enemy Goldeen used Gold!
Critical hit!
It's Super effective!
Bulbasaur garden attack now!
Bulbasaur used garden!
Okay, we know that.
Enemy Goldeen used flop around!
It's not very effective...
Bulbasaur fainted!
Charmander, I choose you!
Charmander used mine dig!
It's not very effective...
Enemy Goldeen fainted!
Misty sent out Horsea!
Charmander return! Butterfree I choose you!
Butterfree used buttered bread!
Critical hit!
Enemy Horsea used neigh!
It's not very effective...
Butterfree used freedom!
Enemy Horsea fainted!
Misty sent out Misty!
Butterfree return! Ash, I choose you!
Enemy Misty used mist!
Let's do the chores!
Ash used take out the ashes!
It's not very effective...
Enemy Misty used I hate bugs!
Enemy Misty hates bugs!
Ash used take out the ashes!
Critical hit!
It's super effective!
Enemy Misty fainted!
Funny how take out the ashes was not very effective the first time and
super effective the second time...
Zarbon's power has evidently grown to match Frieza's.
This is possibly the longest battle ever published on the site--longer, I think, than this week's extra long Red Version battle (I didn't bother to count, though). Well just because there's a lot of quantity doesn't mean there's any lack of quality. There are some unique jokes in this battle. My favorite was the incident with the missing question mark in the phrase 'who cares!'. Since I edit these battles, I made a move to add that very question mark before noticing the next line. It was a joke that I found doubly funny -- read the battle below and see for yourself.
Battle #43: Zarbon's Revenge December 31, 1999
Setting: Game / Reality
Player: Zarbon [No Record]
Written by anguirus7@yahoo.com New Author
Readers' Choice: Award Winning Battle
Webmaster's Choice: Award Winning Battle
Contains Level 1 Language (Mild Expletives)
HEY! Wasn't I killed in season two?
Zarbon realizes that it doesn't matter!
I do?
Yes! Frieza wants to fight!
But Frieza's my boss!
Well, your hour was up days ago!
Frieza summons Dodoria!
Um, he's dead too, isn't he?
Zarbon realizes that it still doesn't matter!
Do I have anyone to summon beside myself?
You have two foot soldiers and Jeice
Go Foot Soldier!
Zarbon summoned foot soldier!
Um…what are its attacks? I'll use my scouter on it! Let's see…Needle Prick, Bodyslam, and punch!
Dodoria's charging up!
Okay, use Bodyslam!
Foot Soldier used bodyslam!
Nothing happened!
Dodoria's gathering in sunlight!
What? How's he using Solar Beam and hyper beam at the same time?
Um…try the punch attack!
Foot soldier used punch!
No real damage taken!
I don't remember that in the Pokémon game!
Whatever! Dodoria's pumping up!
Why is he also using… what was the name of the move again?
Never mind. I'll try the fricking Needle Prick attack!
Foot Soldier used Needle prick!
Critical hit!
Dodoria fainted!
I will never get this battle!
Frieza summons Guldo!
Well, use Needle Prick again!
Guldo uses Time Freeze!
Foot Soldier can't move!
Guldo uses boulder!
Tons of Rocks K.O. Foot Soldier!
I'll just summon another!
Get'm Foot soldier!
Guldo uses time freeze!
Guldo uses mega kick!
Time Freeze is over!
Stupid Time Freeze! Foot Soldier, use a punch attack!
Soldier punches Guldo!
Guldo is punched!
Guldo is angry!
Guldo uses rage!
Guldo is raging!
Um… that's enough of that! Does this soldier have any other moves?
Foot Soldier has a Chilidog Diet attack!
YES! ALL RIGHT! USE THE CHILIDOG DIET ATTACK!
Guldo is forced to be on a diet!
Guldo faints from starvation!
Frieza summons Cui!
Who?
The guy Vegeta whooped after he landed on Namek!
Oh…. Him! Foot Soldier, this guys a pushover! Bodyslam now!
Soldier slams into Cui!
Cui faints!
Told you he was easy!
Frieza summons Recoome!
Oh no! Foot soldier, needle prick!
The needles are useless!
Crud. Um…. Foot soldier, punch!
Foot Soldier is begging for mercy!
YOU IDIOT!
Recoome feels merciful!
Recoome uppercuts Foot soldier!
Foot Soldier faints!
THAT'S YOUR DAMN IDEA OF MERCIFUL? JEICE, GO!
Get'm, Jeice!
I never said that.
Who cares!
That should have had a question mark!
Who cares!
AAAAGH! Jeice, use your weirdo flaming ball thing!
Jeice uses Weirdo ball thing!
Critical hit!
Recoome uses bite!
Recoome's dentures break!
AHAHAHAHAHAHA… hey, why is my voice so weird?
Because of the new episodes!
Recoome uses seismic toss!
No effect!
HAHAHA! JEICE CAN FLY! WHY AM I TALKING IN CAPS? Oh well, Jeice, Screech!
Jeice uses Screech!
Recoome is confused!
He hurt himself in his confusion!
Jeice, Mega Kick!
Jeice uses Mega Kick!
It's super effective!
Recoome faints!
Okay, what do you have next?
Go, Burter!
Burter joined Zarbon!
You suck Frieza! Burter, Jeice, double team!
Burter joined the fight!
Go, Captain Ginyu!
Captain Ginyu? Burter, Jeice, use your Purple Spiral!
Burter and Jeice use purple spiral!
Critical hit!
Captain Ginyu is confused!
He hurt himself in his confusion!
Captain Ginyu faints!
Gohan appears!
Ulp…
Go, Frieza!
Gohan blows on Frieza!
Critical hit!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA-I gotta stop laughing. Burter, Jeice, let me finish this!
Burter, Jeice, return!
The enemy is weak! Go Zarbon!
This is for disrespecting me!
Zarbon uses Mega Kick!
This is for making me fight Vegeta!
Zarbon uses Mega Punch!
AND THIS IS FOR NOT GIVING ME A RAISE!
Zarbon uses Submission!
Frieza faints!
Vegeta appears!
Vegeta wants to fight!
No…
B.F. man attempts to harness the power of knowledge in a hostile library.
This battle involves the trainer "Book Freak" (also known as B.F. man) battling it out with a librarian. One thing I find funny about some Poké Battles is that there is often no reason for the fight to begin. I particularly liked the way this author started the fight following the unfinished question on the third line.
Battle #44: The Library December 31, 1999
Setting: Game / Reality
Player: Book Freak [No Record]
Written by bsmakusk@wi-net.com New Author
I'll just go to the library
B.F. man arrives at the library
Um, Mr. librarian, do you have any.....
Librarian Wants to Fight!
Oh well, I can probably beat him.
Librarian sends out Card Catalog!
Ok, go Bookmark!
Bookmark, Paper-cut!
Bookmark's attack missed!
Card Catalog uses Organize!
It's not very effective.
Bookmark is trapped in Card Catalog!
Bookmark, NNNNOOOO!
Bookmark, Hit The Books!
Bookmark is hitting books at Card Catalog!
It's super effective!
Card Catalog fainted!
Bookmark gained 274 exp.!
Bookmark grew to level 32!
Bookmark learned Save Page!
Librarian withdrew Card Catalog, and sent out Computer!
If that's the way you want it, Bookmark, Save Page!
It doesn't affect Computer,
Computer used Search!
Bookmark fainted!
Bookmark NNNNNNNNOOOOOOO!
Ok, you asked for it, Go Library card!
Computer used Search!
Critical hit!
You asked for it! Library Card, Card Number!
525,525,525,525,525,525,525....
It's super effective!
Computer fainted!
Librarian sent out Librarian!
This is too much! I got to get out of here!
B.F. man ran!
Jrcom uses the power of Poké Battles to get his revenge on the webmaster.
This battle will be forever known as the first battle of 2000 (#45 being a lower number than #46). The battle is based on a true happening between the author and me in which I placed him on ignore on ICQ. This is his form of revenge--I had no choice but to publish this battle. Looks like I'm stuck being the bad guy for now...
Battle #45: Webmaster Vs. Jrcom January 5, 2000
Setting: Game 20% / Reality 80% / Anime 0%
Player: Jrcom [No Record]
Written by willy1@ignmail.com New Author
I wonder what the webmaster is doing today.
Webmaster wants to fight!
??? Fight the webmaster??? Okay? Go ICQ!!!
Go ICQ!
At least it didn't do the three !'s.
Webmaster sent out Ignore!
Okay... ICQ Message junk!
...
What?!?!? Oh, ICQ Connect!
ICQ used connect!
It's on the Internet!
Yeah!
Ignore used ignore!
ICQ Fainted!
Oh no!!!!! ICQ!!! That's it!!! Go Virus!
ICQ Return! Go Virus!
Virus use your Virus attack!
Virus used Virus!
It's super effective!
Ignore Fainted!
Woo hoo! YEAH!
Webmaster sent out webmaster!
What? Go Jrcom!
Go Jrcom!
Yea hah! It's time for a mega punch!
Jrcom used Mega Punch!
Now a mega kick!
Jrcom used Mega Kick!
Webmaster Fainted!
Yea Ha! Now I'm in charge!!!
Webmaster's mom wants to fight!
HELP!!!
>> Next Five Battles
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