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New Adversaries
Color key: Game Text / Dialogue
Exterminators are common adversaries of bugs.
Sean the Exterminator takes on a particularly nasty roach in this battle. There are plenty of clever things in this battle, including the new "Sah-ree" attack (read below to see what I mean) as well as "GP" (once again you must read the battle to understand). So scroll down and read the battle - it's worth your time.
Battle #61: Bug Killin' March 1, 2000
Setting: Game 0% / Reality 90% / Anime 10%
Player: Sean the Exterminator [No Record]
Written by Andrevan@aol.com New Author
Dum-Dum-de-dum..
Where is that stupid insect?!
Wild ROACH appeared!
Finally, I can get the bug and clear out.
Come to daddy, Antie!
ROACH is not an ANT!
SEAN is not ROACH's NIECE!
And SEAN is definitely not ROACH's DAD!
Fine then, you fool bug!
SEAN is angry!
You bet I am!
SEAN wants to fight!
Yeah yeah, I wanna fight--whatever.
Allright--I choose you! Poison Gas!
ASH appeared!
ASH said that was his line!
Well Sah-ree!
SEAN used SAH-REE!
Critical hit!
It's super effective!
ASH fainted!
Ok, now on with the battle.
Go! POISON GAS!
ROACH sent out ROACH!
Poison Gas! Use your spray-spritz attack!
POISON GAS used SPRAY-SPRITZ!
But it failed!
What the hey?!
POISON GAS is out of GAS!
Oh! Why didn't you say so?
Because POISON GAS cannot talk!
Ok, Here's some.
SEAN used GAS REFILL on POISON GAS!
POISON GAS recovered a zillion GP!
GP?
GAS POINTS!
Oh. Your turn, Insect.
ROACH is ANGRY!
ROACH used ATTACK!
POISON GAS fainted!
Uh oh! Ok, um.. er.. I'm outta Pokémon!
Go! SEAN!
No no! not me!!!!!!!!!!!
ROACH's RAGE is building!
ROACH used EEW!
SEAN is fully EEWed!
EEEEWWWW!!!
ROACH used TICKLE!
SEAN is fully tickled!
HeeHeeHawHawHaHaHu!! NOO!!!
SEAN made a hole in the floor!
SEAN is falling!
FLOOR is angry!
FLOOR wants to fight!
SEAN used FALL!
FLOOR fainted!
Whew! What a strange battle!
SEAN used REMARK!
ROACH fainted!
Holy Kamoli! I won!!!!!!!!!!!!
The narrator has become Lance's new adversary.
Poké Battles rarely involve the Elite Four in any way, which is a surprise considering what a big deal they are in the game. In this battle, Lance of "Da Elite Four" (This indirect reference to a certain Evoluman was quite clever, I thought) must battle the Narrator. We've seen many Narrator battles before, of course, but few trainers have taken as much punishment from the narration as Lance does in this battle.
Battle #62: Lance Meets the Poké Battles
March 1, 2000
Setting: Game 40% / Reality 60% / Anime 0%
Player: Lance of Da Elite Four [No Record]
Written by coolpug!@chicago.avenew.com New Author
Webmaster's Choice: Award Winning Battle
Readers' Choice: Award Winning Battle
LANCE appeared!
What? Hey, I was already here!
LANCE is confused!
It hurt itself in its confusion!
Ahhh! That hurts! Stop!
NARRATOR doesn't care! NARRATOR wants to fight!
All right, go Cape!
CAPE, go!
NARRATOR sends out BRUNO!
Hey, what are you doing with Bruno?
LANCE is confused!
It hurt itself in its confusion!
ARGH!
BRUNO used PANTS CLUTCH IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES!
It's super effective!
Cape, use your Haughtiness attack!
CAPE is loafing around!
CAPE fell asleep!
Noooo! Fine! CAPE, return! Pants, I choose you!
CAPE, good!
The enemy's weak! Get'm, PANTS!
BRUNO uses MACHAMP!
Hey, a Pokémon can't use a Pokémon!
NARRATOR says BRUNO's a member of the Elite Four, not a Pokémon!
Then how did you send him out?
LANCE is confused!
OH NO I'M NOT! Pants, use the RIP attack!
PANTS used RIP!
MACHAMP fainted!
PANTS fainted!
Dang it, I knew I shouldn't have used it! All right, go.....Dragonite!
BRUNO uses DE-EVOLUTION SPRAY!
Noooo!
What? DRAGONITE is de-evolving!
DRAGONITE de-evolved into DRAGONAIR!
What? DRAGONAIR is de-evolving!
DRAGONAIR de-evolved into DRATINI!
What? DRATINI is de-evolving!
DRATINI de-evolved into DRAMICROSCOPIC!
STOP! Return, Dramicroscopic! All right, go....me!
Return, DRAMICROSCOPIC! Get'm, LANCE!
NARRATOR calls back BRUNO!
NARRATOR sends out NARRATOR!
Just you and me, big voice!
LANCE used FLASH!
LANCE FLASHED his butt since PANTS fainted!
It's super effective!
NARRATOR used AGATHA!
Hey, I thought it was just you and me!
NARRATOR says AGATHA is one of his attacks!
Fine! Then I use Lorelei!
LANCE used LORELEI!
Lorelei, use Hot, Youthful Chick!
LORELEI used HOT, YOUTHFUL CHICK!
It's not very effective....
AGATHA uses OLD LADY!
It's super effective!
What? LORELEI is evolving!
LORLEI evolved into OLD MAN!
Aw, man! Return, Old Man!
Come back, OLD MAN!
Hey, I'm still using myself!
LANCE used CAPE SWIPE!
It's super effective!
If it's so effective WHY DOESN'T AGATHA FAINT?!
NARRATOR doesn't know!
AGATHA used GENGAR!
What?
LANCE is confused!
It hurt itself in its confusion!
AHHHH!
AGATHA used KILL!
LANCE was killed!
I was NOT!
NARRATOR says you were!
GENGAR uses DREAM EATER on LANCE!
LANCE takes over GENGAR'S body!
Ha ha! Sucker!
AGATHA says you are now her Pokémon!
I AM NOT!
Return, LANGAR!
I'm no one's Pokémon! Lemme out of this Pokéball! Where's the A BUTTON?
Would you like to give a nickname to LANGAR?
Oh, please NO!!
LANGAR was renamed ISABEL!
Say what? Why Isabel?
That's pronounced EESABELL! The NARRATOR is mastering her SPANISH! żComo te llamas?
Me llamo LANCE! NO ISABEL!
Hey, you forgot the little upside down exclamation point!
I don't care! Lemme out of this ball!!!
ISABEL lost to NARRATOR!
Dragonball Z characters have numerous adversaries.
Zarbon returns for his second battle, in which he takes on Vegeta. Just for the record, it is obvious to me that these characters are based on something else, but I truly am clueless as to what it is. Perhaps someone out there (such as the author) could help me out...? At any rate, the battle is enjoyable whether you understand it or not. [Update: Perhaps I should have looked at the title of the battle. I have been informed by many people fearing for my sanity that these characters are from the Anime series Dragonball Z.]
Battle #63: Battle of the DBZ Guys March 8, 2000
Setting: Game 10% / Reality 90% / Anime 0%
Player: Zarbon [Record: 1-0-0] Last Battle: Win vs. Frieza (Battle #43)
Written by Rhinomat93@aol.com New Author
Contains Level 2 Language (Moderate Expletives)
Okay, it's time to smash you into little fragments!
Zarbon used idle threat!
No effect!
What the-
Vegeta is laughing!
Okay
Vegeta is still laughing!
SHUT UP, CARROT TOP!
Critical hit!
For who?
Um I don't know!
Whatever. Go, Burter!
Get'm, Burter!
Burter is so darn fast that he skips Vegeta's turn and kicks him! And kicks
him! And kicks and kicks and kicks! Look at ol' kickin' Burter!
Shoot. Me. Now.
Gun appears!
AAAH!
Zarbon uses screech!
I do not screech!
Zarbon uses whine!
Vegeta uses big bang!
BANG!!!!
Burter fainted!
Go, Foot Soldier!
Foot Soldier, I choose you!
Vegeta uses blow! Foot Soldier fainted!
Go, other Foot Soldier!
Go, Foot Soldier!
Needle-
Vegeta kicks Foot Soldier in the nuts!
Critical hit!
Foot soldier fainted!
Darn. GO, JEICE!
Jeice, go!
Use the Fire Crusher Ball!
Jeice uses Fire Crusher Ball!
Vegeta uses Big Bang!
NOOOOOOOOO!
BANG!!!!
Jeice fainted!
I'll do it myself!
The enemy's sorta weak! Go, Zarbon!
Vegeta uses long, boring, Saiyan speech!
No! Those are so boring I can'tstayawake.ZZZZZZZ
Zarbon is asleep!
Vegeta says "That sucked. I think I'll challenge The Rock in an ego match!"
Vegeta has left the building! 1! 2! 3! 4! 5! 678910! Vegeta has been counted
out and Zarbon wins!
ZZZZZZZZ..
The Wing Gym Leader is a new adversary for trainers around the world.
Welcome to the Wing Gym, a creation of the newest Blue Version author. This unique battle shows us the Wing Gym leader defending his title against a trainer and a biased narrator. I even learned a bit of Japanese from reading this battle. You never know what you'll find in aoi version... [Note: In case you didn't figure it out, aoi is the Japanese word for blue - one of the few words I actually know.]
Battle #64: Wing Gym Challenge March 8, 2000
Setting: Game 80% / Reality 20% / Anime 0%
Player: Furatshu [No Record]
Written by Winggym_Furatshu@meowthmail.zzn.com New Author
FURATSHU is the WING GYM LEADER!
Yes I am... Why are you exclaiming it, oh nameless narrator?
Just telling the TRAINERS!
Oh, all right... I don't know how I lost so many matches... maybe you're biased against me.
NARRATOR is never BIASED!
Oh yeah right. What about last time when- hey wait a minute... I recognize that music!
TRAINER wants to fight!
TRAINER sent out CHIKORIITA!
TRAINER thinks he sent out the wrong Pokémon!
TRAINER is an IDIOT!
Umm... most of the trainers are American, so you should give the American name.
All right!
TRAINER sent out CHICOLITA!
TRAINER is happy!
FURATSHU slapped his head!
What kind of an idiot would send out a Grass Pokémon in a Flying-type gym?
CHICOLITA is TRAINER's only Pokémon!
Oh well... Go Pidgey!
Go PIDGEY!
Hey, trainer! did you know that GUST is a flying-type attack now?
TRAINER doesn't know how that makes a difference!
PIDGEY used GUST!
It's super effective!
CHICOLITA was blown away!
Ha! I didn't become the Wing Gym Leader for nothing!
INTO WALL!
TRAINER: what?
nani yo? (translation: what!?)
CHICOLITA died!
FURATSHU was disqualified!
Why?
No killing Pokémon!
What? It's not my fault that Chicolita was so weak it died from my weakest attack...
TRAINER wins!
TRAINER gains WING BADGE!
And you say you're not biased against me! That's the 70th time! I have to go get a new narrator.
NO ONE works for free except NARRATOR!
Urgh... you're right. I can't gain money if I keep losing, and I can't get a new narrator until I get some money!
NARRATOR laughs!
That's trouble.
The author of this battle has become an adversary of the webmaster.
I'm sure that this 'webmaster' character is in no way related to me, because otherwise I would have to hunt down and terrorize this author for not respecting me for the supreme being that I am. BUT, I'm certain that this FICTIONAL webmaster doesn't mind in the least. This unique battle pits 'Webmaster' against his mom… a match up that we have never seen in a Poké Battle before. The best part of the battle is the Brisk Ice Tea gag, despite the fact that the joke has already been seen in Aqua Version. [Note: The author has since informed me that the Webmaster in this battle is of course me, and that he will continue to write battles such as these until such time as I remove him from my ICQ ignore list. Behold my fear.]
Battle #65: The Webmaster's Mom March 15, 2000
Setting: Game 80% / Reality 20% / Anime 0%
Player: Webmaster's Mom [No Record]
Written by willy1@ignmail.com Author of Webmaster vs. Jrcom (Battle #45)
Hi There! Do you know where my son is?
WEBMASTER appeared!
Oh son! I need you to do these things!
WEBMASTER used READ!
WEBMASTER wants to fight!
Oh honey! You're so crazy.
WEBMASTER is CONFUSED! It may not attack!
Opps! I'm sorry! I'll give you this...
WEBMASTER DRANK Brisk Ice Tea!
WEBMASTER: Ahh That's brisk baby!
THAT is clearly copied from the Aqua Version site. GO TO YOUR ROOM!
WEBMASTER wants to fight!
Okay honey but I won't lose! Go Dress! Oh wait never mind! Go...Grounding!
WEBMASTER'S MOM sent out GROUNDING!
WEBMASTER sent out Joe!
Let's ground you now!
GROUDING used GROUND!
It's super effective!
Joe Fainted!
Now fight me if you aren't chicken!
WEBMASTER sent out WEBMASTER!
WEBMASTER used YELL!
WEBMASTER is YELLING!
It's not very effective...
I'll show you to yell at me!
GROUNDING used GROUND!
WEBMASTER is GROUNDED!
WEBMASTER: No! Please mom have mercy!!!
Will you give up?
WEBMASTER: Yes Yes!
This battle ended in a draw....
[I don't know about you guys, but the word 'adversary' has now lost all meaning to me.]
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