Three Rings for the Elven-Kings under the sky,

Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,

Nine for Mortal Med doomed to die,

One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne

In the land of Mordor where the shadows lie.

One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them,

One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them

In the land of Mordor where the shadows lie.


Welcome to...

...Nazgul Version

Where The Worlds Greatest Pokemon Parody meets The Lord of The Rings


Go to Raugz Vend [Red Version] to see where this style of writing originated.

Also go to Sandy Version, Rusty Version or even Ghost Version to see the webbies's other PB works.

It should be noted that vend actually means place, but this is the closest thing Orcish has to both version, and location. Also, pot means person, which is the closest it has to Player. Dautas means day, and is the closest it has to date.

Latest Update - Ninth Battle up - April 19, 2004


Battle Archive

An English - Black Speech dictionary

Recap - as you don't really have a chance of remembering, back in battle five, we actually did a battle about LotR, but the translator exploded in a flurry of cheez-wiz. This is an attempt to go back and.. Finish it.

 

Lutaum Krith - We need to do this more often

Dautas - April Nineteenth, 2004

Vend - Bag End

Pot - Bilbo Baggins

 

<hauunter_uk> zzzz-- Wha? I just had a terrable dream. I was signing myself up to new versions lef-- Oh crud that wasn't a dream. Hmm... Amanda - shall we actually update for a change and try to get some more of the book done?
<Treesock> Needs more Hughes.
<haunter_uk> ...Knowing you 'and more Otocon' as well.
<Treesock> Needs more HAUNTER CAN'T SPELL
<haunter_uk> We've been working together for eight battles and you only just figured that one out? And I thaught our Narrator was slow...
<Treesock> Well, when was the last time we did one of these damn things, anyways?
<haunter_uk> You mean ignoring the one that involved me in an Otacon costume that was lost in a reformat?
<Treesock> WHAT WHERE
<haunter_uk> ...Oh feck, she must have forgotten about that one... Anyway... *checks site* July 02
<Treesock> Well, that's almost two years for me to have forgotten.
<haunter_uk> The readers probably forgot we even existed anyway.
<Treesock> What, we have readers now?
<Gizensha> <haunter_uk> If the network is active, some idiot will stumble across an updating version. Plus J has to read us ^_^
<Treesock> And Hughes :(
<haunter_uk> So that means that our readers are Mendin and J... Interesting...
<Treesock> HUGHES IS NOT MENDIN
<Treesock> ...oh
<haunter_uk> ...Did she just call hughes an idiot? o_o;
[18:58:20] <Treesock> NO
<haunter_uk> OK, lets stop this before this battle becomes an irc log instead of a pokebattle. We fully fixed the translator, now... To load it from just before it exploded in an array of cheeze-whizzy goodness...
<Treesock> CHEEZE JIZZ
<haunter_uk> ...Umm... I deny all charges?
<Treesock> Ok.


OK - so we LEFT OFF on SOMETHING ABOUT a JOKE involving TURNING INVISABLE after GANDOLF kicked BILBO'S DOOR in!
NARRATOR also moves that THE HOT AIR thing be STRICKEN from the RECORDS!


[19:03:12] <Treesock> seconded.
[19:03:52] <Gizensha> thirded. Skyler bashing is so passe.


And BEGIN!
But I expect you know best, as usual.

GANDOLF agreed!
GANDOLF added that if he KNOWS ANYTHING, he KNOWS BEST!
...Both puns were TOO OBVIOUS!


<Treesock> ...maybe I should ask him a few questions sometime, then...
<haunter_uk> ...Please, please, please, for the love of god, do it out of version. We don't want an nc-17 content warning on our forward url.
<Treesock> :(


GANDOLF continues on about OFFENDING RELATIONS and GIVING PEOPLE stuff to TALK ABOUT!
NARRATOR agrees!
NARRATOR remembers the BATTLE he got SPARKY, and the BATTLE after it WELL~
I feel I need a holiday, a very long holiday, as I have told you before--
NARRATOR checks SCRIPT!
Oh god it's a MONOLOGUE!


<Treesock> I'll be over there if you need me, then... God monologues are boring.


BILBO used LONG WINDED way of SAYING that it NEEDS to go away on a TRIP!
BILBO also MENTIONS somewhere along the lines that it won't be RETURNING!
GAN-- Waaaitasecond, how long is this CONVERSATION?
NARRATOR sums up SCENE as FORSHADDOWING and CHARACTER DEVELOPEMENT!
NARRATOR skips down to WHERE things get GOOD!


<Treesock> YAY


GANDOLF and BILBO are argueing over a RING!


<Treesock> ...DOUBLE YAY


GANDOLF turns COOL and BIG and MENACING and STUFF!
...or in POKEBATTLES TERMS...

 

<Treesock> hughes in a miniskirt?


GANDOLF wants to FIGHT!


<Treesock> oh.
<haunter_uk> The hell?
<Treesock> http://www.grey-space.net/cheez/gunbu/gunbu14.jpg
<Treesock> I've never been so turned on by cross-dressing in my entire life...
<haunter_uk> tmi...


GANDOLF used MENACING GLANCE!
Defencive glance!
FORCES collide!
FORCES resolve in GANDOLF'S FAVOUR!
SURFICIVE to say... And cut a long battle short... BILBO fainted!
NARRATOR is beginning to THINK the FILLERS work BETTER o_o;


<Treesock> http://www.grey-space.net/cheez/gunbu/gunbu19.jpg <-- strip him with your mad skillz pls?
<haunter_uk> ....help me :(
<Treesock> :)


BATTLE... ended VERY ANTI-CLIMATICLY!
...EXCEPT for AMANDA!

 

We appologise for the suckyness of this battle. Please forgive us here.

 

Recap - Since last battle, Treesock has fought a huge hoard of unfiled filable magazines, and Typoking. There's only one problem left to fight to save haunter_uk's death.

 

Lutaum Hokh - To the Cerebral Cortex of the Matter

Dautas - July Twenty Second, 2002

Vend - haunter_uk's Cerebral Cortex

Pot - Treesock

 

...Ahhh... NOTHING like BRAIN FOOD to get the DIGESTIVE SYSTEM PUMPING!
Want some?

...o_O
...What?
No thanks
Fine... More for NARRATOR!
NARRATOR breaks off a piece of HAUNTER_UK'S GREY MATTER!
NARRATOR used EAT!
That's disgusting -_-
....What? Tastes just like mash potato and not filling in the slightest... How odd...
NARRATOR'S IQ fell!
HAUNTER_UK'S IQ rose!
-_-

Something is seriously wrong with this version

...That one of the webmasters has an ANTI-BRAIN?

And this battle is going nowhere o_O
???: Ahhh... So glad you could join me, miss arberator and Mr. red-texted idiot...

Arberator?
???: Should that be spelt Arbre? No matter...

o_O
I think you mean "Arboreal", whoever the heck you are
???: Oh hohoh... And I thaught punning was that non-corperal idiot's job you know of as the Narrator.
-_-
....NARRATOR is hurt :(
The narrator isn't an idiot...

He just has a bit missing where it counts.
YAYAYAYAY!!! NARRATOR LAUGHS and DANCES and SINGS!
...o_O
...And eh?
???: Are you quite sure about that? O_o;

...Not entirely

???: Anyway... I suppose you'd like to know who your soon-to-be killer is...
...Not entirely

:D
???: Well too bad. You're about to find out.
??? was renamed MISDREVOUS_USA

 What's THAT supposed to mean -_-
MISDREVOUS_USA: ...I am haunter_uk's exact inverse... Yes, it's all-caps rather than no-caps

Oh, I see... Kinda. I don't get where you're getting the 'killer' part from, actually.
MISDREVOUS_USA: ....Well, guess what, bitch, you're about to find out...
MISDREVOUS_USA wants to fight!

Ahh, my ears >_<

....Uhh? We're PG-13, not G O_o;;

Oh, never mind then

MISDREVOUS_USA: ....Can we get on with this please, I find my patients is starting to waver.

You mean your patience?
If you're the exact opposite of haunter, then why can't you spell right?

MISDREVOUS_USA: ....Now that is a matter of genetics...

Oh, I see -_-

MISDREVOUS_USA: ANYWAY...
...Oh... Sorry...
o_O
MISDREVOUS_USA sent out BRAIN DESTABALISER!
Uh, gee... I can't think of anything to send out *sweatdrop*
MISDREVOUS_USA: Now think before you act, bitch. That thing faints, it's set to completely destabalise this brain, destroying the owner and everything inside it.
TREESOCK sent out TREESOCK!

Since when was I a bitch ¬¬

MISDREVOUS_USA: Since I said so.

Sheesh
And wouldn't everything inside it include you?
MISDREVOUS_USA: ...A minor inconvienience with the plan, but oh well.

Oh, I see

BRAIN DESTABALISER used OMEGA RAY!

TREESOCK was BOMBARDED with THE END!

...ow
What do you have against me, anyways?

MISDREVOUS_USA: Nothing as such... Just that you're trying to save HIM!

*yawn* Can't we just work this out peacefully?

TREESOCK used NEGOTIATION!
NEGOTIATION was AGGRESSIVE!
BRAIN DESTABALISER is in CRITICAL CONDITION!

...crap...

MISDREVOUS_USA: ....Oh damn...

Yeah, that's what I thought. You don't wanna die either, do you?

MISDREVOUS_USA: ...I'm already dead. I don't want my existence to end. Both of our fates rest in your hands.... SURRENDER OR DIE, BITCH!

o_o
You're awful nice -_-
MISDREVOUS_USA: I try ^_^

BRAIN DESTABILISER used OMEGA BEAM!
THE END BEAMED at TREESOCK!

TREESOCK is in CRITICAL CONDITION!

Ack, I can't take it anymore!
I have to sit down and regain HP!

TREESOCK used SIT!
TREESOCK SAT on BRAIN DESTABALISER!
....Kinky O_o;;
TREESOCK regained HP/MP!
^^
BRAIN DESTABALISER.... Oh shit...
Uh oh
....fainted.... o_o
MISDREVOUS_USA ran away!
>_<
...
...

Damn you!
...
....Nothing O_o;;
Come back you fwapasdfg... a dud?
...HAUNTER_UK'S BRAIN returned to NORMAL!
....NARRATOR is thinking 'a bluff'

Oh, I see
Lets go...
Ok o_O
....Don't you want to stand up first?
Well
Ok
Good idea
TREESOCK used STAND!
....Not enough JOB LEVEL for STAND!
....Fine....
NARRATOR used TELEPORT!
TREESOCK and NARRATOR ran away!

 

Vend: Nowhere

Pot: None

 

HAUNTER_UK came too!


<haunter_uk> Uhhhhhgh.... I survived? How?
<Treesock> ...Very carefully -_-
<haunter_uk> .....Why are you sat down?
<Treesock> ...I don't have enough job level to stand
<haunter_uk> ......Oh.... Kay....
<haunter_uk> Hang on, I'll see if we've got any Rare Paperwork in.


NARRATOR will do the puns around here, thank you very much X_x

 

<haunter_uk> ....And why do I suddenly fancy Rabid Moogles O_o;;;

 

.....Did NARRATOR leave RABMOG in HAUNTER_UK'S sex drive? Ooops...


<haunter_uk> .....O_o;;;;;
<haunter_uk> The hell?


Vend - Layer of the Ghost
Pot - MISDREVOUS_USA


DAMN THE BITCH! DAMN HER TO HELL! I'LL DESTROY YOU BOTH NEXT TIME, JUST WATCH ME!

 

Post/View feedback on this battle

 

Recap - haunter_uk's becoming increasingly weak. Desperate measures are in order...

 

Lutaum Iet - Life Bed

Dautas - June Eighth, 2002 [We really have to do these more often, ne?]

Vend - None

Pot - Treesock

 

HAUNTER_UK is STILL on his LIFE BED!
THIS is GOING BETTER than NARRATOR HOPED!
....Errr....
It's all YOUR fault!
....And....?
.
HAUNTER_UK HURLS his ECTOPLASM all over NARRATOR!
....Gah... That was a NEW RED TEXT!
It's all YOUR fault, simple as that. If you hadn't decided to ...er... try to... not kill.... LIFE haunter here, we'd be writing story battles! >_<
NARRATOR will BRB - HOLD that THAUGHT!
...Kay... Now, where were we?
...Ahh yes... Well... too late to cry over lost ECTOPLASM now isn't--
HAUNTER_UK HURLS his ECTOPLASM all over NARRATOR yet again!
Oh dear.
....Fine! NARRATOR will tell you how to SAVE him from LIFE just to SAVE NARRATOR's OTHER RED TEXTS from RUIN!
...Just let NARRATOR get another one on first X_x;
There! Now... The ONLY way to SAVE his ECTOPLASM is to JOURNEY into his SUBCONSCIOUS MIND and MAKE REPAIRS!

...Oh dear.

....And unfortunately NARRATOR will need to FOLLOW you into that DEATH-TRAP of RANDOMNESS he calls a BRAIN so that things actually HAPPEN!
See previous statement.
....Oi....
...Of course... If he stops being DEAD while we're in there, then WE'LL CEASE to EXIST!
See previous statement.
Fun plot twist, isn't it ^_^;
Uhh.... maybe.

TREESOCK and NARRATOR JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE ECTOPLASMIC BRA--
Screw it, no DRAMATIC RING!
TREESOCK and NARRATOR disappear!

 

* haunter_uk splurts his ectoplasm again, just as the Narrator dissappears. The carpet, however, is ruined.

 

Vend - haunter_uk's Unconscious Mind [We're more screwed than you could possibly imagine o_o;]

 

NARRATOR appears!
TREESOCK appears!
Oh dear.
....SEVEN of NINE appears? O_o;;
...now we have fractions popping up out of thin air. Oh dear.
THE BORG, not THE FRACTION!
7of9: ...Uhh... Anyway.......Uhhgh... More competition for his sex drive. A disembodied voice and... Some sort of sock tree thing.... And if it wasn't bad enough competing with a Black Mage and The Borg Queen...

OH DEAR.
....Agreed o_o;;
LULU appeared!
The BORG QUEEN appeared!
The BORG QUEEN used BITCHSLAP on 7of9!

...I sense an FFX reference. Damn I need a PS2 >_<
LULU casts ULTIMA!
Uh, oh dear?
...ALL CORPORAL BEINGS in AREA get hit!
Does this mean 'ouch'?
...Unless you've got some item that nullifies non-elemental magic, yep!
7of9 uses REGENERATE!
Oh. OUCH.
7of9 regains HP!
...Same goes for The BORG QUEEN!
...NARRATOR decides to GET OUT of HERE!

RABID MOOGLE with NO INTENTION of HARMING DISEMBODIED VOICES or TREE SOCKY THINGIES appeared!
Oh, I see...
7of9: ....
The BORG QUEEN: ....
Lulu: Aww - More plushie material ^_^
Oh dear.
RMWNIOHDVOTST... Err... RABMOG... used KILL!
7of9 died!
RABMOG used MAIM!
LULU was MAIMED!

LULU died!
RABMOG used SNAP!
This is just disturbing o_O
The BORG QUEEN was SNAPPED in TWO!
...No effect? o_o;;
The BORG QUEEN: I have a detatchable head, foolish Moogle!
RABMOG: ....
RABMOG used SNAP!
RABMOG took a PICTURE of The BORG QUEEN's BRITTLE SPINAL CORD!
...This is getting out of hand.
RABMOG: !!!!
RABMOG cut the SPINAL CORD in TWO!
The BORG QUEEN died!
The music QUEEN did, however, is ETERNAL!
RABMOG presents TREESOCK with... THE BORG QUEEN's SEVERED HEAD with the OUTER print of 7of9's HAND!
Awww... It likes you ^_^
Uhhh... thanks?
Acquired item: SEVERED HEAD!

This should be useful... hopefully.
NARRATOR suggests RUNNING AWAY!

Sounds good to me.
...Ahem!
....
Well, let's get going!
....You DO know you can't run away without SAYING what you're doing, right?

Uh...

I'm running away? How awkward.
...Bleh, that'll do!
AMANDA ran away!
NARRATOR ran away!
RABMOG is UPSET!
RABMOG CRIES over THE BORG QUEEN's SEVERED SPINAL CORD!
Wait... I'm not here...


Vend - Somewhere else in haunter_uk's subconscious mind

 

Joy.
...Hmm...
TIDUS appeared!
....Kay... So he's obsessed with FFX right now....
Yet another FFX reference. Go figure.
TIDUS: I can't be--
TREESOCK! RUN! NOW!
...How are we ever going to do what we're supposed to do if I'm constantly running away?
DOESN'T MATTER! FFX PLOT SPOILER IMMANENT!
Oh
I'm running away very quickly then!
AMANDA ran away!
NARRATOR follows!
TIDUS: --lieve there's no ice-cream round here :(

 

Vend - Room labeled "Creative processes room - Highly dangerous"

 

Where are we now? :/

NARRATOR points to the LABEL of the ROOM!

Joy.

I see.
DANCING PIKACHU runs past!
DANCING MOOGLE follows!

Oh dear.
....KIMMERIMON wearing OVERALLS follows?
Uhhh.... I think I'm glad I don't know what that is.
....BIG, DANGEROUS, UGLY DIGIMON!
THE TRIO... Do the.... Oh SADISTIC NARRATOR!
NARRATOR needs to SIT DOWN!
...BUT NARRATOR has no BUTT! :(
The TRIO... Do the CAN-CAN! O_O;;;

Gah, this is making no sense.
SEVERAL death-scenes for EACH DIGIDESTINED are on a VIEW-SCREEN!
....The hell is he planning on writing? o_o;;

Oh, I see. o_o
I don't wanna know.
Q appeared!
Q: I can't believe he kicked me out of the concept for Puppetmon simply to avoid it being a cross-over fic >_<*
Q faded into nothing!
RANDOM scene of GRAPH--
Uhh... NARRATOR switches THAT MONITOR off!
Gommamon... Kimmerimon... Ewwwwwwww!

Oh my.
CREATIVITY HYPERATOR appeared!

...The hell?
CH: I HATH MADE HIS CREATIVITY INTO OVER-RIDE! THIS IS ONE OF THE THINGS THAT WILL KILL HIM! THERE ARE THREE MORE--
Kill? He's already dead.
HANG ON! This was MEANT to be a two battle filler! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED-- Point o_o;;
CH: a) You have any idea how hard it is to keep up with that sort of thing of who life will cease there existence and who will be ceased to exist by death? I use kill to mean "cease to exist". b) He got creative, and the other three problems came into being.

Hmm...
Well, what are these problems then?

CH: ...Good question. I've never met them, I just saw it come up on the monitors that they existed.
Oh, so the monitors are always right now?
What's going through his creative processes, yeah.
CH: Oi! That's my line!
....Soooooooooorrrry!
I'm suddenly reminded of the Hitchhiker series for some inane reason.

CH: Anyway, can we get on with this...? I have to send several pop-stars into creative overdrive later this afternoon, you know, kill them off before they destroy the world with pathetic singing.... But don't worry... Just faint me and I'll disappear over to them. Kill me and we have to endure the more modern pop music than should exist.
CH wants to fight!

Oh dear.
RIKKU appeared!
RIKKU wants to fight on your side!
Well, I guess that's a good thing, then... No spoilers though, please!
RIKKU has a WORLD MAP!
Hmm... I haven't been in a battle in practically forever...
JUST declare your ATTACK and lets GET on with it X_x;
Uh, me use... whine about not having PS2 and FFX!
TREESOCK used WHINE!
TREESOCK made WINE!
TREESOCK drank WINE!

.
I'm not here to get drunk.
TREESOCK recovered HP!
TREESOCK became CONFUSED!

RIKKU used POKE!
RIKKU POKED... TREESOCK?
1 damage!
TREESOCK is confused no more!

Yay :D

CH used CH!
CH got a CRITICAL HIT!
TREESOCK is in SOS CONDITION!
RIKKU got her OVERDRIVE!
Owww...
TREESOCK's turn!

Okay then... uh, me use... ask what is a treesock!
TREESOCK asked WHAT SHE IS!
TREESOCK doesn't know her IDENTITY!
TREESOCK doesn't know her PEOPLE's BACKGROUND!
TREESOCK must UNCOVER her PAST!

...Go figure.
TREESOCK was renamed VIVI getting a sex change in the PROCESS o_o;;
GOOD LORD ALMIGHTY
VIVI now has FULL HP o_o;;

RIKKU used OVERDRIVE: MIX!
RIKKU MIXED WORLD MAP with SEVERED HEAD!
???

My point exactly.
HEAD BANGERS from ROUND THE WORLD come in!
HEAD BANGERS BANG HEADS WITH CH!
99999 damage!
CH used REFLECT!
CH was renamed MIRROR!
DITTO: Reflectity!
...
...VIVI's turn

Alrighty then.

Well, I guess this means I have black magic... hm... Fire3 sounds nice...
VIVI cast FIRE3!
Wrong FF, but who's counting?
FIRE3 hit MIRROR!
MIRROR is under the REFLECT STATUS EFFECT!
FIRE3 BOUNCES BACK!

Oh my.
FIRE3 can't bring itself to HARM VIVI!
^^
FIRE3 casts WATAGA on itself!
FIRE3 is UNAFFECTED!
FIRE3 tries a BLIZAGA!
FIRE3 dies!

OVERKILL!
Bah, stupid FFX orangey text X_x;
...VIVI gets SPLASHED!
VIVI is in SOS status!

Splashy

RIKKU used STEAL!
RIKKU is MADE OF STEAL!

Hmmm..
...Err... Steel....!
RIKKU hit MIRROR with itself!
MIRROR shattered!
RIKKU's luck dropped to 0!
RANDOM OBJECTS fall on RIKKU!
RIKKU was renamed SKYLER!
SKYLER committed SUICIDE due to being cursed with bad luck!
....NARRATOR so hopes that that's the effect of creativity, rather than sensibility...!
BATTLE used END!
BATTLE EN--

Wait a second here... I'm still Vivi!
ALL STATUS EFFECTS wear off AFTER BATTLE!
--DED!

 

Post/View Comments on this Battle

 

Will haunter Live or Die... Urrh... Remain dead or gain life... Urrh... You know what I mean. Find out next week* on Nazgul Version!!!

 

*"Next Week" being only if we get off our lazy butts and actually get back on schedule, and/or you just happen to be reading this the week before we update next.

 

Recap - The translator's still down, and haunter and Treesock have no ideas. RANDOM FILLER TIME!!!

 

Lutaum Djor - ...Umm... Any Ideas?

Dautas - May Fourteenth, 2002

Vend - None

Pot - None

 

<haunter_uk> ...Hmm...
<Treesock> ...We should be writing...
<haunter_uk> ...Umm... Any ideas?
<Treesock> ...Not a single one...
<haunter_uk> ...Contingency plan a, then...


Lutaum [whatever]: Narrator Strip Tease

...

...Not a CHANCE in HELL!


<haunter_uk> Oh go on... This sort of thing works for EN

 

NO!


<Treesock> ...I'm taking the Narrators side here... And what's EN?
<haunter_uk> Exploitation Now... And fine...

 

Lutaum Djor: Simulated fun
Pot: Bob Newby


BOB goes out to WORK!
Sul-sul
...Urrh?
BETTY: Sul-sul
...This is NOT going to WORK!
...But BOB is!


<Treesock> ...
<haunter_uk> ...Well, not with those jokes... Next O_o;

 

Lutaum Djor: While Treesock's Away, The Narrator Will Play o_O

Pot: haunter_uk

 

...The hell?

You WISH!
....Uhh....?
BATTLE SETTINGS appeared!
...OK - You are kidding, right?
...Nope :D

...What the hell is going on here?
BATTLE SETTINGS might be ASKING the SAME THING!
...Battle settings aren't even sentient. They're a bunch of words floating in thin air O_o;;
ARE YOU insulting NARRATOR?
...OK... Poor choice of words...
YOU are MOCKING NARRATOR!
If you recall, I'm a webmaster of this version. You wou--
WOULD HAUNTER_UK care to LOOK at its TEXT?
...I'm the player so I've got the aqua text... Your point?
NAZGUL BI-LAW #487575764: No matter the position of the person - It who hath the Aqua text hath no power
...Who's dumb idea was that?
...Yours, actually O_o;;
...Well damn...

Amanda, could you help me out here?


<Treesock> How am I supposed to help? o_O

...Killing the Narrator would be a start...

<Treesock> Oooh... Anime just came on... Sorry, gotta prioritize here...

...Well... At least it's only a cou--


<Treesock> !!! Full length LoTR Anime.... The Japanese answer to the live action movie... A whole nine-hour feature length!


...Shit

BATTLE SETTINGS feels USED!
...Well, I didn't mistake them for a toilet, and Amanda's got more brains than that...
...
NARRATOR FWAPS!
Owwie
BATTLE SETTINGS feels ABUSED!
...I denny all charges of sexual assault. I'm technophiliatic, not lingaphiliatic!
...Eww...
BATTLE SETTINGS facefault!

..What? O_o;;
NARRATOR RAMPAGES!
NOT THAT ABUSED YOU BAKA GHOST OF POISON GAS!
NARRATOR WHACKS HAUNTER_UK in RAMPAGE!
Owowowowowowow

BATTLE SETTINGS don't want to BE CHANGED SO OFTEN!
...What? A protest?
...
Those are illegal in Nazgul, I'm sure of it!
NAZGUL BI-LAW #24577679786-- Yeah.

BATTLE SETTINGS is NOT PROTESTING!
...Oh? Strikes are illegal too, you know...
BATTLE SETTINGS is NOT STRIKING!
...Actually... Maybe I should strike that law off... We get so many low scores in the bowling games...

...Except then I'd be breaking the strike law...
BATTLE SETTINGS has a case of BLUE FLUE!
...Damn... Coming down with fake illnesses and using them as a cover to a protest/strike isn't illegal...

BATTLE SETTINGS note the CURE for BLUE FLUE is LESS WORK for MORE PAY!

...Screw you!

...Didn't you just say you weren't lingaphiliatic? O_o;;

...
I was talking figuratively ¬_¬

...Oh ...Anyway...
BATTLE SETTINGS want to FIGHT!

....Well damn.... Me, go!
HAUNTER_UK sent out HAUNTER_UK!
BATTLE SETTINGS sent out PLAYER!
...Me, use play O_o;;
....O_o;;;
HAUNTER_UK used... Umm... PLAY!
HAUNTER_UK is PLAYING with PLAYER!
...NARRATOR would like to POINT OUT at this POINT that there is one of EVERY SYSTEM released with a COPY of EVERY GAME released at the BATTLE SIGHT!

....Basically, he's saying I'm playing SA2B multiplayer with Player.
IT!
...Sorry... It.

PLAYER used POT!
PLAYER POTTED HAUNTER_UK!
...
COPPERS got word of DRUG DEALING!
...
COPPERS used DRUG RAID!
...Would it be too early to say "ow"?

...Only just...
...Kay...
HAUNTER_UK was RAIDED with a BARRAGE of ONE and TWO PENCE PIECES!
JOHN VIRGO: Pot as many balls as you can.
BALLS fell on HAUNTER_UK!
...FLOWER POT housing GERANIUMS fell on HAUNTER_UK!
KIDS who KNOCKED IT DOWN trample HAUNTER_UK to get it back and see WHAT CONDITION it's in!
RANDOM DRUGGIE SMOKES HAUNTER_UK!

...Should I say it now, or is there more to come?

...NARRATOR checks DICTIONARY.COM!

MUCH MORE!
HAUNTER_UK was COOKED!
HAUNTER_UK was STAKED!

...THROUGH the HEART!

...Wrong type of undead being O_o;;

STILL damages!

...Point.

HAUNTER_UK was used as a TOILET!

...Are you done yet?

DOUBT IT!

HAUNTER_UK was BAGGED!

HAUNTER_UK was SCRATCHED by MANY CATS!

POTSHOTS were TAKEN at HAUNTER_UK!

HAUNTER_UK was RUN OVER BY A WHEEL!

...The hell did that come from?

POTTER ran after WHEEL!

...TRAMPLING HAUNTER_UK in the process!

...Question answered...

HARRY FOLLOWED!

...HAUNTER_UK gets TRAMPLED again!

HAUNTER_UK was made into a POTENTIOMETER!

HAUNTER_UK was ELECTROCUTED!

HAUNTER_UK has no more RESISTANCE!

BORG: RESISTANCE is FUTILE!

HAUNTER_UK was fully ASSIMILATED!

...

...

...

...

NARRATOR FWAPS HAUNTER_UK!

What did I do? O_o;

You can say "ow" now!

GAH! THAT HURT! OWOWOWOWOWOWOW! MY ECTOPLASM HURTS ALL OVER! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED THERE! HOW COULD ONE ATTACK DO SO MUCH! GAHGAHGAH! DID I MENTION OW?

That'll do... And NARRATOR has BLUE FLUE too!

....Shit....

HAUNTER_UK lost ability: SPELL CHECK!

...Uh-oh...

HAUNTER_UK fainted!

HAUNTER_UK became CRITICAL!

Shouldn't that be the other way round?

THIS IS YOUR DEATH-SIGNS WE'RE TALKING ABOUT!

NARRATOR FWAPS!

Ouch x_x;

 

Vend: About Nine Hours Later

 

<Treesock> Wow that was awesome... Now, to rescue haunt...

* haunter_uk is lying unconscious on the floor... Somehow O_o;

<Treesock> Guess he lost...

* haunter_uk comes round... "Ugh..."

<Treesock> Welcome back...

* haunter_uk coughs up ectoplams

<Treesock> ...Oh shit... That's not a good sign... Neither's the fact that he's making spelling mistakes when he has a spell-check ability o_O

<Treesock> You ok?

<haunter_uk> ...Ba.... Tel.... Set... Ings.... And.... Nar.... Ate.... Or.... Ee.... Vil....

* haunter_uk blacks out

<Treesock> Don't worr-- Haunter? HAUNTER!? HAUNTER!!

 

...To be continued.

 

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