Lutaum Ash - The Battle of Hobbiton
Dautas - Jan 25, 2002
Vend - Hobbiton
Pot - Great Excitement
BILBO BAGGINS used ANNOUNCE!
BILBO BAGGINS ANNOUNCED ELEVENTY FIRST BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION!
PARTY will be of MAGNIFICENCE!
MUCH EXCITEMENT fell on HOBBITON!
HOBBITON wants to fight!
HOBBITON sent out HOBBITON!
Wild, eh? Maybe I'll catch it...
...NOT if we WANT this to make ANY SENSE what-so-ever... It's the BATTLE'S LOCATION!
...Aww... Hype, go!
Hype... Use... Urrh... Hype O.o;;
HYPE used HYPE!
HYPE HYPED the HYPE of HYPE that NAZGUL VERSION is UP UP UP!
HOBBITON is ALREADY ON NAZGUL VERSION!
..It's not very effective!
...WTF?
NARRATOR is HYPITY HYPE HYPE HYPER!
That made about as much sense as eggs on a brick wall o.o;;;
SKYLER: Eggs are nummy!
SKYLER used CRACK!
SKYLER CRACKED and ATE an EGG!
POLICE used ARREST!
SKYLER was CARTED AWAY for DRUG DEALING!
HOBBITON used HOBBLE!
HOBBITON HOBBLED all over HYPE!
...How the hell can a town hobble?
MAGIC~
...Did the hype attack really hype this version, or turn you into Ditto?
QUARTER!
NARRATOR gives CHASE!
...Now... How about letting Sauron make an early appearance? He should be powerful enough to kill a Narrator ¬_¬
SAURON: I'm washing my hair ¬_¬
...Anyway...
HYPE'S effects wore off!
...Aww... Everything looks dull :(
NARRATOR has an IDEA!
HYPE was CRUSHED!
HYPE'S BLOOD went EVERYWHERE!
HYPE fainted!
HOBBITON now looks all PURDY and STUFF!
...Are you sure the effects have worn off?
...CEILING FANS are FULL of PROTEIN!
...That would be a "no" then.... Rumor, go!
GREAT EXCITEMENT sent out RUMOR!
HOBBITON used TON!
...Now you've got to be kidding me o.o;;
HOBBITON dropped a ONE TON weight on RUMOR!
HOBBITON: Revenge is mine at last! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
...The authors are high on something. Please, for the love of Lani, tell me that the authors are high on something. o.o;;
<haunter_uk> You can't prove that that packet of fine, white
poweder I consumed was drugs as opposed to sugar!
<Treesock> ...I deny all involvement in this version o_o;; And it's spelt "Powder", haunter o_O;;
...Fine, white powder... You sure that wasn't Anthrax?
<haunter_uk> ...Like that matters. I'm already dead~
<haunter_uk> ...And, come to think of it, I'm a poison type O.o;
...RUMOR is in a FLAT sort of critical condition!
...How the hell can it have a physical form?
PLATO: It's form is inaccessible to the human
senses. The form of Rumor is pure Rumor, like the form of Cheeseburger is a pure Cheeseburger...
...Oh, go back to your cave ¬_¬
Anyway, Rumor, try a spread!
RUMOR used SPREAD!
RUMOR SPREAD over HOBBITON like BUTTER on BREAD!
WOULD MUCH EXCITEMENT like JELLY with that?
Urrh... Sure...
GREAT EXCITEMENT caught JELLY and THAT!
Give JELLY and THAT a nickname?
...No comment ¬_¬
JELLY and THAT was renamed NO COMMENT!
GREAT EXCITEMENT is RUMOR'S TRAINER!
GREAT EXCITEMENT is NO COMMENT'S TRAINER!
RUMOR cannot EXIST without COMMENT!
RUMOR was ERASED from EXISTENCE!
...Why do I get the feeling you deliberately tricked me?
Tricked you? Into what?
Erasing my pokemon from existence...
...You're POKEMON were ERASED from EXISTENCE?
...Your grammar really sucks. Yes.
GREAT EXCITEMENT'S POKEMON were ERASED from EXISTENCE!
...You really suck, you know that?
GREAT EXCITEMENT used CRIMSON KING!
CRIMSON KING refuses to be USED by anyone BUT DEB!
CRIMSON KING: ...This version sucks. *goes off to think of ways to get Deb to love him*
CRIMSON KING: ....GAH! Stupid typo!
Typo? Where?
Crimson didn't typo one bit, did he?
...Not that NARRATOR can see!
CRIMSON KING: ...Good thing rumor no longer exists...
CRIMSON and DEB'S LOVE is on LEGENDARY STATUS!
* CrimsonKing has quit IRC (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!)
...Fine then. I'll send out myself.
GREAT EXCITEMENT sent itself out!
...Me... Use play...
...Eww o.o;;
...Oi! I meant SSB:M O.o;;
NARRATOR blushes!
...No redder than usual...
...How can a narrator blush anyways o_O
...Don't ask ¬_¬
GREAT EXCITEMENT used PLAY SSB:M!
...Funny... I didn't specify in the attack name...
NARRATOR already used INNUENDO in this BATTLE!
....You really think it's that bad?
....NARRATOR declines COMMENT!
..So then... Narrator has no comment?
...YES!
...Wasn't No Comment erased from existence?
....TAKE that BACK before a PLOT HOLE appears!
...Give me back No Comment XP
GREAT EXCITEMENT used BLACK MAIL!
It's super effective!
NO COMMENT re-existed!
...Anything else?
...
GREAT EXCITEMENT'S attack continues!
HOBBITON fainted!
Thank you ^^;
...GAH! We need HOBBITON un-fainted to KEEP GOING with the PLOT!
Post/View feedback on this battle.
BILBO: Oi! I had the first line in this thing! Why the hell was it nothing to do with me?!?
<Treesock> So... How much of the books did we cover?
<haunter_uk> ...Three lines...
<Treesock> So if we continue at this rate, we'll be writing for...
<haunter_uk> Around 280/290 years.
<Treesock> ...That would put us slightly behind schedule ¬_¬
Not much since the previous battle occurred in the book, nothing major, anyway. Just characterization and scene setting for the most part. Anyway, enjoy Nazgul's second battle.
Lutaum Shun - A Gross Battle
Dautas - Feb 10, 2002
Vend - Bag End
Pot - Bilbo Baggins
GANDALF used FIREWORKS!
GANDALF FIRED MS WORKS!
PC USERS REJOICED!
GANDALF: ...
Oh... FIREWORK DISPLAY also STARTED!
SQUIBS SQUIBBED, CRACKERS CRACKED [and got committed], BACKARAPPERS BACKARAPPED [whatever the hell that means], SPARKLERS SPARKLED!
Oooh... Sparkly....
...O.o;;
SPARKLERS used HYPNOSIS?
BILBO fell asleep!
TORCHES TORCHED [and got arrested for arson], DWARF CANDLES CANDLED [....OK... This is starting to worry me...], GOBLIN BARKERS BARKED [as the version went to the dog house ¬_¬] THUNDER CLAPS CLAPPED!
THUNDER CLAPS used THUNDER!
Wakey wakey ^_^;
ARRRRRRRG!!!
FIREWORKS are COOL and STUFF, YADYADYAH... Oooh... HERE'S SOMETHING!
COLUMN of SMOKE appeared!
COLUMN of SMOKE shaped itself into DISTANT MOUNTAIN!
MINI RED-GOLD DRAGON used FLY!
MINI RED-GOLD DRAGON FLEW out of the MOUNTAIN!
MINI RED-GOLD DRAGON used FEARSOME DRAGONY STUFF!
HOBBITS are GREATLY STARTLED!
Aww... NARRATOR will KEEP it as a PET!
MINI-RED DRAGON used BURST!
MINI-RED DRAGON BURST with PRIDE!
DEAFENING EXPLOSION appeared!
You say what?
DEAFENING EXPLOSION appeared!
Speak up man...
DEAFENING EXPLOSION appeared!
...WILL YOU JUST SPEAK CLEARLY!
....DEAFENING EXPLOSION wasn't as DEAFENING as it FIRST APPEARED!
...Umm... What did you say before that...
...IF NARRATOR REPEATED it, YOU wouldn't HEAR it, as you JUST DEMONSTRATED!
...Say what?
...IF NARRATOR REPEATED it, YOU wouldn't HEAR it, as you JUST DEMONSTRATED!
...Beg your pardon...?
....OI!
...hehehehe
MINI-RED DRAGON was renamed SPARKY!
SPARKY, return~
SPARKY did so, HAPPILY CHIRPING!
SPARKY'S THE GREATEST PET EVER!
Call in the Narrational Lunatic Guard o.o;;
...Oi!
...Anyway. That is the signal for supper! ...More or less Oo;
GROSS GUESTS and BILBO went to the PAVILION!
...Umm...
GROSS GUESTS: Who are you calling gross, red-boy >_<
...
ONE GROSS of GUESTS and BILBO went to the PAVILION!
Better?
GROSS GUESTS: Very much so.
GROSS GUESTS: Oi!
What?
GROSS GUESTS: Change our text feed name ¬_¬
NARRATOR considers...
NOPE, not INCREASING CHARACTER COUNT!
FOOD TIME!!!!!!!!!!
BILBO used DIG IN!
GROSS GUESTS used DIG IN!
GROSS GUESTS: OI!!!
Put a Treesock in it~
<Treesock> Oi!
<haunter_uk> We really need to get a new Narrator...
<Treesock> Yep...
NARRATOR will be GOOD!
KIKI: Stay good, Narrator! Stay good!
KIKI ran away!
...Sometimes my jokes disturb me O.o;;
DITTO: FOOD!
DITTO used EAT!
DITTO ATE FOOD, NARRATOR, GROSS GUESTS, and BILBO!
<Treesock> ...Umm... This would be a problem, right?
<haunter_uk> ...Especially since he's looking this way o.o;;
<Treesock> ...Eeep...
* DittRO eats haunter
* DittRO eats Amanda
* haunter_uk sighs, phases himself, all the guests, Amanda, Bilbo and the Narrator, and floats out of Ditto with all of the previously mentioned.
<haunter_uk> How many times do I have to tell you that you can't eat me, I'm gas that can phase?
<Treesock> ...Anyway...
DITTO ran away!
<Treesock> That's a disturbing thought o_o
<Treesock> How can a blob of jelly run?
DITTO: QUARTER GAVE ME MAGIC RUNNING POWERS SO I COULD CHASE IT!
I thought he was gone o.o;;
DITTO: I am~
Well, since the food's all gone, I guess that makes it time for my speech.
I have three points to make.
1) I am immensely fond of you all, and eleventy-one years is not enough time to spend with you all.
2) I have called you here to celebrate mine, and Frodo's birthdays. We are 144 together, which is why I called gross guests.
GROSS GUESTS are ENRAGED!
GROSS GUESTS want to fight!
BATTLE is RUNNING OUT of TIME!
CLIFFHANGER appeared!
<haunter_uk> Anymore cliffhanger's and you will be hanged from a cliff, Narrator >_<
<Treesock> How can you hang a Narrator from a cliff, anyways?
Post/View feedback on this battle
Previously on Nazgul Version...
MINI-RED DRAGON was renamed SPARKY!
GROSS GUESTS want to fight!
<haunter_uk> HOLD IT! Who's idea was it to get Voyagers recap person in here? We've already got Pokebattles meats LoTR... Like we need another genre in this thing too ¬_¬
HAUNTER_UK no LIKE?
Aww... NARRATOR was TRYING to APOLOGIZE for the CLIFFHANGER!
<haunter_uk> ...Bring in the disembodied cliff ¬_¬
...And now back to Nazgul Version
<haunter_uk> ...Just shut up >_<*
Lutaum Gakh - An Ugly Battle
Dautas - Feb 17, 2002
Vend - Bag End; Pavilion
Pot - Bilbo Baggins
...OK... Can we start now?
CLIFF has been FULLY HUNG!
...Well, the fans will mourn...
NARRATOR will do the PUNS around here!
...Well... Can we start or not?
HANG ON!
...
GROSS GUESTS sent out GROSS GUESTS!
Fighting yourself, eh? Me, go!
BILBO sent out BILBO!
ACTUALLY... GROSS is NOW meant in the SENSE of UGLY!
...Umm... That effects my question... How?
BILBO used INSULT!
GROSS GUESTS ATTACK greatly rose!
...Which?
BOTH!
THERE are GROSS GUESTS AMONGST the GROSS GUESTS!
...OK... Fine... Let's get on with this, I've got a speech to finish.
GROSS GUESTS used GROSS!
GROSS GUESTS are GROSS!
It's super GROSS!
SPARKY doesn't like GROSS!
SPARKY cried!
SPARKY hid away in its POKEBALL!
...;_;
...We don't care about your dumb dragon o.o;;
...BILBO STINKS!
...
GROSS GUESTS are LOOSING HP!
...
GROSS GUESTS put on GAS MASKS!
...
GAS MASKS aren't very effective AGAINST BILBO's STENCH!
...
GAS MASKS fainted!
...ALRIGHT THAT'S ENOUGH ABOUT MY SMELL!
...
...You were the one going on about it o.o;
Your point? You just admitted it!
...That was all a mind trick, wasn't it?
YEP!
...
...
...Anyway... Me, use... Uh... Bag!
BILBO used BAG!
...Would that be hand or foot?
...Foot...
BAG is a FOOT away from BATTLE!
No effect!
...Off the record, what would Hand of got me?
YOU'd of HANDBAGGED GROSS GUESTS and INSTANTLY WON the BATTLE!
...GAH
Anyway... GROSS GUESTS used GUEST!
O.o;
AS GUESTS, GROSS GUESTS demand FOOD!
...
DITTO appeared!
DITTO: FOOD!
<haunter_uk> Hold it right there...
*** haunter_uk sets mode +b Ditto
<Treesock> What was that about?
<haunter_uk> He can't eat everyone again if he can't speak O.o;
<Treesock> Point.
...That ruins that pun...
BILBO was LYNCHED for NOT PROVIDING MORE FOOD!
...Ow...
BILBO is in CRITICAL CONDITION!
...Well, this is as good a time as any, I suppose.
3) Despite the fact that eleventy-one years is far too short a time to spend among you - this is the END. I am leaving NOW. GOODBYE!
BILBO used GOODBYE!
BILBO went *POOF*!
BILBO dissappeared!
...
...
BILBO ran away?
...Yeah... That'll do...
GROSS GUESTS: WTF just happened? Is he gone for good? Must be some sort of sick joke!
Post/View comments on this battle
<haunter_uk> That's it? No more? What the hell is going on?
NARRATOR STRUGGLED to come UP WITH PUNS!
<haunter_uk> ...Just... Kill... Me... Now...
NARRATOR would be GLAD TOO... BUT HAUNTER_UK is ALREADY DEAD!
<Treesock> So?
<haunter_uk> O.o;
WHY DON'T WE UPDATE MORE!!! I HAVE A WIFE AND KIDS TO FEED!!! PLEASE! UPDATE! PLEASE! The hell.. That was transmitted?!? Wahoo! I get paid! Anyway *checks script for battle* Ahh... haunter_uk and Treesock's Battle Translator v1.2543545876 is malfunctioning, so, we bring you a random miss-adventure of a certain dragon.... Involving a fridge and three eggs? Well... A battle's a battle O.o;;
Lutaum Jhet - The Adventures of Sparky the Dragon; Cold Shell
Dautas - April 6, 2002
Vend - Narrator's Kitchen
Pot - Sparky
<Treesock> I got a good feeling!
<haunter_uk> What? You've sorted out the dohiggy driver that operates the chocolate sauce molecular
enhancer allowing for the translator to possibly to translate literature into material that can become a battle?
<Treesock> ...I found filler material!
<haunter_uk> ...That works too, I guess.
SPARKY!
Yepyep?
NARRATOR is GOING OUT to GET some more CHOCOLATE SAUCE!
A GENERIC PB NARRATOR will FILL IN for NARRATOR!
GUARD the FRIDGE with your LIFE!
UNDERSTAND?
...
SPARKY used GROOM!
SPARKY GROOMED itself!
...SPARKY!
Yepyep?
Did you hear what NARRATOR ASKED you to do?
Fridgeguardlifeyepyep!
...NARRATOR has to TAKE SPARKY to TALKING RATE SCHOOL sometime!
NARRATOR ran away!
GENERIC PB NARRATOR appeared!
SPARKY used JUMP!
SPARKY JUMPED ATOP the FRIDGE!
SPARKY used OBSERVE!
SPARKY'S EYES went all NARROW and its HEAD STARTED going from SIDE to SIDE!
SPARKY used LIE!
SPARKY LAY DOWN and FELL ASLEEP!
<haunter_uk> ...What's about to happen is so unbelievably obvious that we
apologize for the obviousness of it. Please refrain from closing your browser window now.
<Treesock> You know what's about to happen o_O
<haunter_uk> ...Guesswork ^^;
FRIDGE used SHAKE!
FRIDGE RATTLED!
FRIDGE: ...
FRIDGE used ROLL!
FRIDGE SHOOK!
<haunter_uk> ...Robbers didn't come in and steal the fridge leaving Sparky asleep in mid-air until he woke up, looked down, and realized there was no fridge below him? The hell?
<Treesock> Err... that was what was supposed to happen?
<haunter_uk> ...But that happens so damn frequently on cartoons! It never fails! Why didn't it happen!
<Treesock> Maybe because that narrator's so damn generic?
<haunter_uk> Uhh... Wouldn't that make the obvious more likely to happen?
<Treesock> Then again... since when DID the obvious happen on this version? :/
<haunter_uk> ...Point
EGG used BREAK!
...NEED that be NARRATED?
EGG fainted!
EGG2 used BREAKOUT!
...EGG acquired ITEM: ATARI!
EGG used ITEM: ATARI!
EGG played BREAKOUT!
EGG2: JUST LET ME GET OUT OF THIS DAMN FRIDGE!
...USE the RIGHT ATTACK!
EGG2 used OPEN!
EGG2 is OPEN for BUSINESS!
EGG2 OPENED up!
EGG2 fainted!
EGG3 used LIGHT BULB!
FRIDGE LIGHT went ON!
FRIDGE OPENED!
SPARKY woke up!
Yawnyyawnyawnyawn!Hellomreggwhoareyouandwhatdoyouwant?
EGG3 wants to FIGHT!
<haunter_uk> ...I think that was our first blatantly obvious set up.
...YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!
Ialwayswantedtobethestarinabattle!
...Uhh... Kay O.o;;
EGG3 sent out ROBOTNIC!
Megogogogogogogogogogogogogogogo!
SPARKY sent out SPARKY!
ROBOTNIC used CORNY EGG JOKE!
How EGGASPERATING!
<haunter_uk> ...
<Treesock> .
BQ fainted!
...ROBOTNIC took 7 HITS for THAT!
Meusetailfwapnownownownownownownownownownownownownownownownow!
SPARKY used.... TAILFWAPNOWNOWNOWNOWNOW-- Ad ahellofalot!
ROBOTNIC was TAIL FWAPPED in HELL a LOT!
...MANY MORE than ONE HIT was GAINED!
ROBOTNIC has MORE than 8 HITS!
ROBOTNIC is in CRITICAL CONDITION!
ROBOTNIC ran away!
EGG3 sent out EGG3!
EGG3 used EGG!
EGG3 EGGED SPARKY!
EGG3 CRACKED and all ICKY YELLOW STUFF came OUT!
EGG3 fainted!
SPARKY fainted!
:(
GENERIC PB NARRATOR ran away!
NARRATOR appeared!
SPARKY is FAINTED and COVERED in EGG!
...
...
Awww!
NARRATOR used SNAP!
NARRATOR took a PHOTO!
Post/View comments on this battle
<haunter_uk> ...That was your filler material?
<Treesock> Yep
<haunter_uk> Wow that was weird.
Recap - Well, now that Amanda and haunter have finished fixing the translator (Could be unstable, mind. They used Cheese whiz due to being out of duct-tape), we take you back to the humorous rendition of Lord of the Rings. When Bilbo disappeared from the party, he went back home and is making his preparations to leave Bag End forever!
Lutaum Krak - Cheese Whizard
Dautas - April 14, 2002
Vend - Bag End
Pot - Bilbo Baggins
<haunter_uk> Interesting idea of yours to use Cheese Whiz instead of walking the sixty mile walk to get some more duct-tape.
<Treesock> Through snow.
<haunter_uk> Uphill.
<Treesock> Both ways.
<haunter_uk> God, I'm so glad you lost that Rock-Paper-Scissors best of ninety game O.o;;
GANDOLF used OPEN!
DOOR is STUCK TIGHT!
GANDOLF used KICK!
DOOR fainted!
<Treesock> That's just not right
<haunter_uk> ...Did I leave my nethack floppy in the translator again?
<Treesock> I have no clue.
GANDOLF appeared!
<Treesock> Wait, wasn't he already there?
<haunter_uk> ...After we fix the car, we drive down to the shop and get that duct tape.
<Treesock> ...Definitely.
<haunter_uk> So, we get the duct tape ready to fix the ca-- Ahh...
<Treesock> Wonderful. Just wonderful.
Hullo! I wondered if you would turn up.
GANDOLF: Glad to find you visible.
GANDOLF used SIT!
...
CHAIR ran away!
...Just stand o.o
<Treesock> ...o_O
<haunter_uk> At least it has legs O.o
<Treesock> ...Point.
GANDOLF: I wanted to catch you and have a few final words. I suppose
you feel that everything has gone off splendidly and according to your
plan?
Yes, I do. Though that flash was surprising: it quite startled me, let alone the others. A little addition of your own, I suppose?
GANDOLF: It was. You have wisely kept that ring secret all these years, and it seemed to me necessary to give your guests something else that would seem to explain your sudden vanishment.
And would spoil my joke. You are an interfering old busybody.
<Treesock> Which is exactly what this battle's missing right now
<haunter_uk> YES! EVERY BATTLE SHOULD HAVE AN INTERFERING OLD BUSYBODY!
<Treesock> I meant jokes... Besides, every battle has got an interfering old busybody. It's called the Narrator O_o
<haunter_uk> ...You don't read much Storm, do you?
<Treesock> Not as much as I'd like to
BILBO used LAUGH!
...Damn... LAUGH is a BITCH to PUN!
BILBO acquired DOG!
Woof :D
<haunter_uk> ...Did someone spill Coffee on the translator? O.o
<Treesock> Wasn't me...
Uhh... Kay... Anyway... But I expect you know best, as usual.
YEP!
...NOT YOU FOR THE LOVE OF CHEESE!
HOT AIR appeared!
HOT AIR: Oi!
...
HOT AIR was renamed SKYLER!
<haunter_uk> ...
<Treesock> ...
HOT AIR was renamed SKYLER!
HOT AIR was renamed SKYLER!
HOT AIR was renamed SKYLER!
HOT AIR was renamed--
<Treesock> ...Uhh...
<haunter_uk> ...Looks like the translators about packed up... It's gonna blow...
* Translator explodes scattering Cheese Whiz everywhere
<Treesock> Giant... Floating... Blob... Of... Cheese Whiz...
<haunter_uk> Uhh...
<Treesock> ...It talks...
<haunter_uk> ...
* Treesock licks the giant floating blob of Cheese Whiz.
<haunter_uk> ...GAH!