Ocean Version's ocean had seen better days.

A storm was brewing, and the waters were getting rough.  Off in the distance dark storm clouds loomed ominously, because 'ominously' is just about the only adverb that goes with the word 'loomed'.

Garry Kasparov and Green Valkyrie flew out of the Ocean Version portal, finding themselves suddenly in very real danger of drowning in what appeared to be a large ocean.

"We are...the luckiest...people...ever!" shouted Kasparov as he repeatedly struggled to come up for air.  He of course was referring to the fact that he and Valkyrie still existed, not the fact that they were fighting for their lives at that moment.

"I don't see any land!" Valkyrie shouted back.  The choppy waters were quickly increasing the distance between the chess master and herself.  She fought to swim toward him.

"I suggest we move in L-shaped patterns!" advised Kasparov, doing likewise to stay near Valkyrie, "That way we can jump over the water!"

"I don't know how to do that!" Valkyrie finally managed get close enough to Kasparov to grab his hand.  He instantly pulled her underwater.

"Stpppp trrnnngg.. Tt klllll mmm!!" she cried out desperately underwater.  Kasparov shook himself free of Valkyrie's deathlike grip and both of them resurfaced.

"I can't swim with one arm!!" the irritated Chess Master said as he gulped in fresh oxygen, which was sadly mixed with hydrogen because he was once again underwater.

"Kasparov?"  Valkyrie looked around but could find no sign of him.  She did spot a DVD box set labeled SLIDERS: THE COMPLETE THIRD SEASON floating in the water, however.  "Hey, they have Sliders DVDs in this universe."

"GAASSSSSP!" Kasparov pronounced the word instead of actually gasping as he resurfaced.

"If we don't find land soon, you're going to die!" Valkyrie pointed out as she continued to effortlessly stay afloat, despite her heavy armor.

"Never fear!" came a voice from behind them, "OS is here!"  A man who we will call 'OS' (just this one time) was floating in a life raft just a few yards from the two Red Version refugees.

"You know you'd think we would have seen him earlier," Kasparov mused as he gulped in more ocean water.

"Just get in the raft, Chessman." Valkyrie advised.

"A healthy lungful of ocean water never hurt anybody!" Kasparov grinned as the stranger helped him and his green companion into the raft.

"Who are you, anyway?" Valkyrie asked of the man who had saved Kasparov's life, "And where in blazes did you come from?"

"You can call me Osilver.  As for where I came from?that is difficult to answer."

"There must be some kind of story for why you're out in a raft in the middle of the ocean," Kasparov deduced using his profound Chess logic.

"You know you'd think so," Osilver shrugged his shoulders, "But to be honest I don't ever know what's going on around here.  It's a very confusing world I live in."

"Which world is this?" asked Kasparov, "We pretty much jumped blindly."

"You're in Ocean Version," replied Osilver, "...did you say you jumped blindly?"

"Yeah, we were told by a certain sloth that the entire PokeBattles Multiverse had been swallowed by The Nothing," explained Kasparov, "I guess we found the one place that wasn't."

"Or Sloth was lying," Valkyrie added.

"Why would he do that?" Kasparov couldn't imagine that someone with a name like Emperor Sloth would ever say or do anything remotely deceptive. "After all, in Chess, there is no secret information."

"He's a sloth; he doesn't need a reason," Valkyrie was getting tired of Kasparov's relentless Chess logic, "Anyway, Osilver, is there any way to get to Earth from here?"

"Why certainly m'lady," Osilver produced a magic wand and waved it in the air, "You simply follow the yellow brick road!"  Now the three of them were on land.  A yellow-brick road stretched on for miles in the distance.

"What the?" Garry Kasparov very suddenly felt stupid sitting in a raft, "That didn't make any sense at all."

"Like I said," Osilver's voice was grim, "You're in Ocean Version."

They had walked for hours on that accursed Yellow Brick Road, and there was still no sign of the castle which Osilver had assured them would be at the end of the road.

"The great wizard of Ocean lives there," Osilver had spoken reverently, "He and only he can take you to the place you call Earth."

But there was no castle, only endless walking.  Granted, it was better than endless drowning, Kasparov was quick to note.  But enough was enough.

"Are we there yet?" Kasparov heard himself say.  Green Valkyrie looked at him with disgust.

"Actually, we are!" Osilver decided.  And then they were in a castle.

"This is all very confusing," Valkyrie was quick to notice the tapestries which had digital clock displays on them for some reason, "And your tapestries are an hour behind."

"We have something called Daylight Savings Time," Osilver explained.

"Weird," was all Valkyrie could come up with in reply.

"Weird?" said Osilver, donning a Jester's hat, "Why that's a horse of a different color!"  Just then, a horse of a different color appeared.

"What the hell is that thing?" Valkyrie balked at the sight of the creature.

"It looks a little like a Ponyta," Kasparov noted, "And what a bizarre color!  I could only describe it as a combination of red and blue!"

"...so, purple then?" offered Valkyrie.

"Yeah, yeah yeah," Kasparov nodded vigorously.

"So just down this hall is the Wizard of Ocean Version," explained Osilver, "Good luck you two!"  With that, he vanished in a puff of smoke.  Kasparov and Valkyrie exchanged glances.

"Ladies first," Kasparov gestured down the long hall.  Valkyrie drew her sword and began to walk cautiously down the hall.

"Look," she whispered, pointing at the walls, "It's lined with pictures of Ocean Version archive pages."

"What kind of freak would print out and frame archive pages?" asked Kasparov in a hushed tone.

"THIS FREAK WOULD!" the booming voice of the Wizard of Ocean Version filled the room at the end of the hall.  As they entered the room they was before them a giant scary-looking head hovering inches above the ground, "I AM THE WIZARD OF OCEAN VERSION!  STATE YOUR BUSINESS OR I WILL MELT YOUR BRAINS!"  The frightened Garry Kasparov fell to his knees.

"O great one!  Forgive us, we are refugees of a forgotten world!" he begged, "We seek passage to Earth and will do anything to get there!"

"ANYTHING?" boomed the Wizard, "WILL THE FEMALE PLAY MONOPOLY WITH ME?"

"To hell with this," muttered Valkyrie, walking over to the side of the room.

"HEY!" the Wizard shouted, "PAY NO HEED TO THE MAN BEHIND THE PC!"

"Ocean Webmaster, I presume," Valkyrie addressed the man sitting behind a desktop computer only a few feet from the giant floating head, "You do your updates from within Ocean Version, huh?"

"Well?yeah," replied the Webmaster sheepishly, "Where else would I do it?"

"Our Webmaster does his updates from Earth," Garry Kasparov strolled into the room as if he hadn't been praying for his very life a moment ago, "It seems a little odd that you work from Ocean itself."

"I like it better here," said the Ocean Webmaster, folding his arms across his chest, "I'm a god when I'm here."

"Think you can use those godlike powers to send us to Earth?" asked Green Valkyrie.  Ocean Webmaster scrunched his eyebrows closely together.

"Why did you say you wanted to go there?" he asked.

"Red Version stopped existing!" Kasparov snapped, "If we don't force Red Version to update, it'll never exist again!"

"Stopped existing," Ocean Webmaster repeated to himself, "That's pretty strange.  Very well, I'll send you to Red Version?on one condition."

"NO!!" both Valkyrie and Kasparov yelled desperately.

"We need to go to Earth," Kasparov repeated, "Red Version doesn't exist."  Ocean Webmaster considered this.

"Alright then, I'll send you to Earth.  On one condition." Ocean Webmaster stood and moved to stand in front of Valkyrie, "You will place a link to Ocean Version on the main page of the site."

"Fine. Whatever!" Valkyrie was getting tired of this, "Just send us there!"

"I am not kidding," Ocean Webmaster warned, "If you dare betray me, Red Version will feel Ocean's wrath."

"Right, right, whatever," Valkyrie shrugged off the threat, "Send us."

The home of the almighty Webmaster had seen better days.

The house was mostly empty, save for various things carelessly strewn about.  Since the Almighty One's death, his home had been subjected to repeated lootings by the likes of Dacta and a few other unscrupulous folks looking for things they could show off to their friends, claiming they once belonged to the Almighty Webmaster.  Such things fetched a high price on Ebay.

"I never expected I'd once stand at the doorstep of my creator," whispered Kasparov reverently.

"Well, your creator is dead," Valkyrie remarked, "Let's just find this Matt Beswick guy so the world will return to normal and I can have my Movius back."

"You know what just occurred to me?" said Kasparov as the two of them climbed the flight of stairs that led to the late Almighty One's room, "Right now, the Narrator is dead, and we're alive."

"Fancy that," Valkyrie pretended she cared, "The Narrator is dead and we're going to bring it back to life."

"I'm just like the pawn who's just about to turn into a queen," Kasparov said excitedly.  Valkyrie vowed to herself never to speak to the chess master again.  The two of them suddenly found themselves at the door to the Room of Destiny.

"Here goes? Kasparov slowly creaked the door open.  A shadowy figure sat in a chair in front of a computer.

"I've been waiting for you? the shadowy figure murmured.

"Come off it, Beswick," Valkyrie shot back, "We know who you are."  Matt Beswick suddenly felt very stupid in his cloak.

"...what do you want?" he asked.

"You need to update Red Version," Kasparov explained, "Our entire world has ceased to exist because you aren't updating!"

"Oh," Beswick pondered this for a moment.  "Meh."

"Meh?  MEH??  That's all you have to say for yourself?" Valkyrie was furious, "Kasparov nearly drowned five times to get here, my husband stopped existing before my very eyes, and all you have to say is MEH?  The Almighty One may have terrorized us with Doompuff but at least he didn't unexist our whole universe!"

"Okay, first of all 'unexist' isn't even a word," Beswick helpfully pointed out, "And second of all, there are far too many new Metroid games to play to worry about Red Version right now."

"Then you leave us no choice," spoke Kasparov solemnly, reaching into the folds of his cape, "I shall defeat you?in Chess!"

"You must be kidding," Beswick stood up and calmly drew his sword.

"Prepare to be pwn3d," declared the chessboard-wielding Kasparov, not coincidentally pronouncing the word 'pawned'.  He quickly produced Chess pieces seemingly out of nowhere and whipped them at Beswick like ninja shurikans, which anticlimactically struck him in the leg and shoulder, bouncing off harmlessly.

"Uh, Garry," Valkyrie tapped him on the shoulder, "Maybe you should let me take care of this."  Before he could reply, she stepped in front of the chess master, her own sword drawn.

"Bring it," challenged Beswick.  Valkyrie charged him and their blades met.

"You fight like a dairy farmer!" Beswick spat.

"How appropriate," replied Valkyrie, "You fight like a cow."

  Valkyrie immediately kneed Beswick in the gut, causing him to gasp and drop his sword.  Without hesitating, she followed through on her killstroke.  Beswick dropped to his knees, causing Valkyrie's sword to give him a nice haircut instead of a pierced lung.  He recovered his sword and thrust upward, only to be met once again by the green warrior's blade.

"I'm not going to take your insolence sitting down!" Beswick taunted.

"Your hemorrhoids are flaring up again, eh?" Valkyrie responded in kind.  She parried, knocking his sword out of his hand.  She swiftly brought her sword up against Beswick's neck.  The former shadowy figure gulped.

"Do you have anything else to say for yourself before I slit your throat?" she asked.  Beswick jeered,

"You make me want to puke."

"You make me think somebody already has," said Valkyrie as she relieved Matt Beswick of his head.  Valkyrie looked on with disgust as Beswick's corpse hit the ground.  "Ugh.  Now my hands are covered in blood."

"I hope now you've learned to stop picking your nose," retorted Kasparov.  Valkyrie glared at him. "What, I can do the insult thing too." He mumbled.

"Well, yet another Red Version webmaster has died," Valkyrie examined the corpse for good measure, "The only thing left is for us to update Red Version."

"I'll take care of it," Garry Kasparov offered, "You should return to Red Version.  John Movius needs you.  And you need...food.  Badly."

"Thank you Kasparov," Valkyrie handed him a title deed for Mediterranean Avenue, "I'll never forget what you've done for Red Version today."  Kasparov blushed an interesting shade of red, which seemed appropriate as he apparently would become the new Red Version webmaster. 

"Now, to return Red Version to its former greatness? he sat down at the computer which so many before him had died for using.

He began to type...

"Battle #158..."