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Last
updated: February 9, 2002
~Home
of the STUFFED MEW~
Battle
#1: Belligerent Charmeleon May 2, 2000
Setting:
Joe’s
House
Player:
Joe the Lazy Old Guy [0-0-0]
Oh,
I’m hungry. I think I’ll go get some cheese.
JOE
went to the refrigerator!
Here
it is, but it’s moldy.
CHEESE
is insulted!
CHEESE
is angry!
CHEESE
wants to fight!
CHEESE
sent out MOLD!
Eew!
I think I’m gonna barf!
JOE
sent out BARF!
No
I didn’t!
Don’t
argue!
I
do have Pokémon, you know.
Then
send one out!
Okay,
then, uh, go, Charmeleon!
Go,
CHARMELEON!
MOLD
used SMELL!
What
kind of attack is that?
A
smelly one!
Charmeleon!
Use your flamethrower attack!
CHARMELEON
doesn’t want to!
What
do you mean you don’t want to? You have to!
CHARMELEON
didn’t change his mind!
Ok,
then, return, Charmeleon!
CHARMELEON
doesn’t want to do that, either!
Well,
if you’re not going to listen to me, at least defeat the cheese!
CHARMELEON
is thinking!
CHARMELEON
wants to!
What?
You want to?
CHARMELEON
says YES!
CHARMELEON
used DEFEAT!
CHEESE
was DEFEATED!
CHARMELEON
wins!
Hey!
But I’m its trainer!
Battle
#2: Attack of the Big Ol’ Wave May
18, 2000
Setting:
The
Ocean
Player:
Hank the Idiot [0-0-0]
C’mon,
Jeb, let’s go in the ocean for a swim.
HANK
and JEB go in OCEAN!
Have
I ever told ya about the time I got hit by a big ol’ wave?
BIG
OL’ WAVE appeared!
It
looked just like that one, and it barely hurt me.
BIG
OL’ WAVE thinks HANK is wrong!
BIG
OL’ WAVE is angry!
BIG
OL’ WAVE wants to fight!
Now
don’t worry Jeb, I got a water purifier!
BIG
OL’ WAVE doesn’t care!
BIG
OL’ WAVE wants to be PURIFIED!
Will
ya hear that? He likes my plan!
JEB:
If the Big Ol’ Wave wants to fight, that means this is a battle.
JEB:
In
battles, you shouldn’t make your enemy happy.
Well
golly Jeb, who said this was a battle?
JEB:
The
Big Ol’ Wave did.
Well
I don’t like battles. I’m a pacifist.
JEB:
Then
leave it to me to fight!
JEB:
Eh…
What’re we supposed to do in these battles?
Um…
I think we’re supposed to ‘send out’ “Pecky Mans”.
NARRATOR
reminds you that it’s POKÉMON, not PECKY MANS!
Yeah,
whatever.
I
think one’s called Peekatuu.
NARRATOR
also reminds you that it’s PIKACHU, not PEEKATUU!
JEB:
Then…
Go, whatever that Narrator said!
PEEKATUU?
JEB:
No,
the other thing!
Go,
PIKACHU!
PIKACHU:
Pika
pika!
New
Player: Jeb the Idiot [0-0-0]
Pika
uh… chu! Use your binderlock attack!
NARRATOR
reminds you one last time that it’s THUNDERSHOCK, not BINDERLOCK!
JEB
knows nothing about POKÉMON!
Uh…
Oh well I guess you’re right.
Little
yellow creature, use the best attack you can!
PIKACHU
is about to use THUNDERSHOCK!
BIG
OL’ WAVE reminds PIKACHU that WATER conducts ELECTRICITY!
PIKACHU
doesn’t care!
PIKACHU
used THUNDERSHOCK!
PIKACHU
attack missed!
It
kept on going and crashed…
Into
JEB and HANK!
JEB
and HANK: ARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!
JEB
and HANK fainted!
The
battle ended in a draw!
Battle
#3: Dinner Problems May
28, 2000
Setting:
Fancy Restaurant
Player:
Da Crazy Man [0-0-0]
CRAZYMAN
walks to MAILBOX!
Duh…
I got mail!
I’m
invited to restaurant!
Duh,
uh, today, I’m hungry!
CRAZYMAN
went in CAR!
CRAZYMAN
drove through FENCE!
That
was my fence. Oops.
CRAZYMAN
drove to RESTAURANT!
CRAZYMAN
walked over to BUFFET!
CRAZYMAN
jumped on TABLE!
Yummy
food.
CRAZYMAN
is eating like a CRAZYMAN!
CRAZYMAN
splashed food on a FANCYGUY!
FANCYGUY
is angry!
FANCYGUY
wants to fight!
FANCYGUY
sent out DRESS SHOES!
Then,
uh, go, something I have.
CRAZYMAN
sent out CRAZYMAN!
Duh…
What attacks do I have?
NONE!
CRAZYMAN
used STRUGGLE!
DRESS
SHOES fainted!
FANCYGUY:
Ahhh! My dress shoes!
CRAZYMAN
was hit with recoil!
CRAZYMAN
fainted!
FANCYGUY
blacked out!
CRAZYMAN
blacked out!
The
battle ended in a draw!
Battle
#4: Power Of Da Punks July 2, 2000
Setting:
The
Street
Player:
Da Punk Man [0-0-0]
As
the punk leader, I have a plan to really annoy someone!
GANG
OF PUNKS: Yeah! We’re gonna annoy people!
Here’s
the plan! *Whisper whisper whisper*
GANG
OF PUNKS: That sounds like fun! Yeah! Let’s
annoy people!
GANG
OF PUNKS: Let’s go!
GANG
OF PUNKS went to the house of DA EVOLUTION MAN!
A
PUNK fell through a WINDOW!
Ouch!
DA
EVOLUTION MAN glares at PUNK!
EVOLUMAN
is angry!
EVOLUMAN
wants to fight!
EVOLUMAN
sent out himself!
Go!
Skateboard!
Go,
SKATEBOARD!
Skateboard
use your crash attack!
SKATEBOARD
used CRASH!
EVOLUMAN:
Ouch!
PUNKS
came through window!
EVOLUMAN
is confused!
He
hurt himself in his confusion!
EVOLUMAN
fainted!
PUNKS
win!
Hey,
hey, hey not so fast, Narrator!
NARRATOR
is angry!
NARRATOR
wants to fight!
Uh
oh!
Battle
#5: Da Men Team Up July 31,
2000
Setting:
Ho-oh
Highway
Player:
Da Crazy Man [0-1-0]
Oooh…
I’m hungery!
CRAZYMAN
opens CLOSET!
Foooooood!
CRAZYMAN
bites SHIRT!
SHIRT
is angry!
SHIRT
wants to fight!
Ahhlhhhhhhhhlhhhhh!!
CRAZYMAN
runs to CAR!
CRAZYMAN
tries to DRIVE!
SHIRT
jumps on CRAZYMAN!
Ooh!
I’m being tickled!
CRAZYMAN
can’t see!
CRAZYMAN
ended up on HO-OH HIGHWAY!
CRAZYMAN
passed:
GRASSY
FIELD OF NO RETURN!
LORD
SLOTH’S CASTLE!
S.S.
DITTO!
DOOMPUFF
DEATH DESERT!
A
STUFFED
MEW!
CRAZYMAN
drove into DA BULLFIGHTING MAN’S HOUSE in MILLION CITY, EMERALD VERSION!
That
was fun!
BULLMAN:
Hey!
BULLMAN
fell in CAR!
Hello!
You wanna visit? Hehehe!
BULLMAN:
Uh,
are you okay, mister?
BULLMAN:
Hey,
wait a sec… you copied my name!
Uh,
no…
Hey,
look at the pretty building!
BULLMAN:
That’s
the Million City gym, and if you don’t turn fast, we’re gonna crash into
it!
What??
~CRASH~
RICH:
Hey!
Get outta my gym!
Why?
RICH
wants to fight!
RICH
sent out DONALD TRUMP!
Hi
Donald Duck!
CRAZYMAN
used BIG HUG!
CRAZYMAN
attack missed!
CRAZYMAN
kept on going and hugged…
RICH!
RICH
fainted!
TRUMP
ran!
Ooh…
Pretty pin!
BULLMAN:
That’s the $Money$ Badge.
Neat!
CRAZYMAN
and BULLMAN win!
DA
MEN received the $MONEY$ BADGE!
Battle
#6: Too Much Confusion March 5, 2001
Setting:
The
Street
Player:
Da Punk Man [1-0-0]
NARRATOR
wants to fight!
N-n-nobody
can beat m-me!
NARRATOR
says you’re wrong!
NARRATOR
is right!
What…that
means I have a chance? No…. I’m confused.
It
hurt itself in its confusion!
How
come Evoluman gets called “he” and I don’t?!?
Because
you’re stupid!
Arrrrr!
PUNKMAN
is angry!
PUNKMAN
wants to fight!
It’s
true that I’m angry, but I really don’t want to fight because I’m sure
I’m going to lose!
NARRATOR
is confused because his NARRATIONS are always RIGHT!
I’m
glad I read that book “How To Confuse a Narrator!"
NARRATOR
is yet more confused!
Now
that this narrator is about to hurt himself in his confusion, I may as
well try to find a new narrator.
Let’s
see… How would Narration get me a pencil and paper?
PUNKMAN
got a PENCIL and PAPER!
That
book is coming more in handy than I thought!
What?
PAPER is evolving!
PAPER
evolved into SIGN!
SIGN
says HELP WANTED!
SOME
FREAKY GUY WHO SEES THE HELP WANTED SIGN: Can
I be a Narrator? Huh? Huh? Huh?
Let’s
see your Narration skills.
SOME
FREAKY GUY WHO SEES THE HELP WANTED SIGN: Um…
YOU said I could BE a NARRATOR!
Next!
SOMEONE
ELSE: My Narration skills are like this… NEXT
appeared! NEXT is angry because NEXT is not its NAME! NEXT wants to fight!
Perfect!
Here’s your contract.
NEXT’S
real name is…
WOMBAT!
Heh
heh heh…
WOMBAT
signs CONTRACT!
PUNKMAN
signs CONTRACT!
CONTRACT
is angry!
CONTRACT
wasn’t READY to be signed!
CONTRACT
used SHRED!
PUNKMAN
fainted!
WOMBAT
wins!
ESSENCE
OF PUNKMAN: How’d you win?
WOMBAT
said PUNKMAN fainted already!
ESSENCE
OF PUNKMAN: Ow…
Battle
#7: When Masks Attack! February 2,
2002
Setting:
Shoe
Store
Player:
Da Fancy Guy [0-0-1]
SALESMAN:
Hey
you! The sign says we're open 5:00 to 6:00, so scram!
But
it's 5:30!
SALESMAN
PEELS OFF MASK!
SALESMAN
is really ROBBER OF FINE SHOES (RFS)!
MASK
wanted to be worn!
MASK
is angry!
MASK
wants to fight!
MASK
doesn’t have any moves!
MASK
used STRAMGLE!
RFS:
*hack**cough**wheeze**gasp*
Don’t
you mean struggle?
STRUGGLE
is on his lunch break!
RFS
is hit with MASK’S recoil!
RFS
fainted!
MASK
won!
Hey
wait a minute, what about me?
MASK
has plans for you!
Ulp!!!!
MASK
enslaved RFS fainted body!
MASK
and RFS are now known as MRFS (MASKED ROBBER OF FINE SHOES)!
MRFS
threw average shoes at FANCYGUY!
ARRRRGGGGGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Feeling
ordinary!
Feeling
plain!
What?
FANCYGUY
is devolving!
FANCYGUY
devolved into CASUALGUY!
STRUGGLE
is back from his lunch hour!
MRFS
used STRUGGLE!
MRFS
is hit with recoil!
Before
his actual move?
Yeah,
you got a problem wid dat?
N-n-no
sir!
MRFS
and CASUALGUY win!
How
is this possible?
It’s
not!
SUDDEN
DEATH
CASUALGUY
tripped over his new sneakers!
CASUALGUY’S
attack missed!
He
kept on going, and crashed…
Into
a wall!
CASUALGUY
fainted!
MRFS
wins after all!
Battle
#8: We're Off To See The Narrator! February
9, 2002
Setting:
Teal
Webmaster's House
Player:
Andre,
Emerald Version Webmaster [0-0-0]
Player
2: Door [0-0-0]
I
think I'll visit my friend the Teal Webmaster!
ANDRE
arrived at TEAL WEBMASTER'S HOUSE!
DOORBELL:
DING
DONG!
DOOR:
Day
in and day out, people ring my bell, and open me! I just can't take it
any longer!
What
are you talking about, um, uh, what's your name?
I
don't have a name.
Well,
we need to give you a good boy's name!
But
I'm not a boy!
Okay,
then let's think of a girl's name!
I'm
not a girl either!
Then,
what are you?
A
door.
I'll
call you Doorothy for now.
DOOR
was renamed DOOROTHY!
Let's
go see the Narrator's Physical Entity to find you a better name.
Why
are you here anyway?
I
said that on line one!
DOOROTHY
used SCROLL UP!
DOOROTHY
read LINE 1!
Oh.
Let
me "Walk the Dog" and then we'll go see the Narrator's Physical Entity.
I
don't see a dog! Is your dog Toto or something to go with this storyline?
No...
My pet Yo-yo. I'm doing the "Walk the Dog" trick.
...
Right.
ANDRE
WALKS the DOG!
Okay,
I'm done. Now let's go visit the Narrator's PE!
...
The Narrator teaches Physical Education?
Not
Gym, you idiot... Physical Entity!
...
Oh.
So...
I've heard that many have perished trying to visit the Narrator's Physical
Entity.
Really?
Player:
Da Punk Man [1-1-0]
I
have finally reached that Wombat's Physical Entity! I have a bone to pick
with him!
What
does PUNKMAN want?
Get
out of the Narrator's Office!
NEVER!
I'll
fight you!
PUNKMAN
was turned into a STUFFED
MEW!
Mew?
MEW MEW MEW! MEWY MEW! MEWY!
HORDES
of CHILDREN ran to HUG the STUFFED
MEW!
HORDES
of CHILDREN: MEW MEW ISSOCUTE!
MEEEEEEEEEEW!
PUNKMAN
suffocated due to the HORDES of CHILDREN HUGGING him!
PUNKMAN
fainted!
ESSENCE
OF PUNKMAN: Mew? MEW? MEW!!!!!
PUNKMAN
(REAL BODY): *squeek*
Player:
Andre,
Emerald Version Webmaster [0-0-0]
Player
2: Doorothy [0-0-0]
So,
how do we get there?
LITTLE
IMPISH GUY appeared!
LIG:
Hi!
Lig?
Is that like a Fig? Can I eat that?
LIG:
No!
It stands for Little Impish Guy, which I am!
Oh,
what a pity. I like figs. I should have known...
LIG:
You
know, if you want to get to Teal City to find the Narrator's Physical Entity,
follow that brick road!
Okay!
LIG
disappeared!
Wait!!
I need to ask one more question! Are roads usually brick?
Aww,
he left.
Well,
let's get going.
Follow
the yellow brick road! Follow the yellow brick road!
Follow
the yellow brick ro-
Excuse
me, but this brick road is not yellow.
And
don't you think it's kind of stupid to sing about a brick road anyway?
That's
IT! Follow the stupid brick road! Follow the stupid brick road!
48
hours later
Follow
the stupid brick road! Follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the stupid
brick road!
...
And
again! Follow the stupid brick-
Hey
look, a STUFFED MEW.
HORDES
of CHILDREN appeared!
HORDES
of CHILDREN trampled ANDRE and stole STUFFED
MEW!
ASTUFFED
MEW? Where?
...Those
kids just took it. Ow...
Why
don't you take a rest after being trampled by a lot of kids that want a
STUFFED
MEW?
Okay..
ANDRE
wins!
DOOROTHY
wins!
PUNKMAN
lost!
ESSENCE
OF PUNKMAN: Mew... (*translation*: Darn...)