I don't do fanbattles. Sorry, but it's a waste of time to me... I'd much rather be giving out my own messed up humor than someone elses messed up humor. Of course, if you'd like to e-mail me, my e-mail is:
paratoma@hotmail.com
And Lani's is:
lani930@aol.com
All errors on the website are to be blamed on ME, though.

Battle #1: The Return?
Setting: Portal World: 100% Anything Else: 0%
Player: Nightpuff [ Record: 2-5-0] Last appearance: Sir Chargon's Fanfic

Hey! I thought the fanfic was supposed to come before all this junk!
NIGHT WEBMASTER got bored!
You mean... That's the real reason this hasn't been updated in so long?!! The Webmaster had BETTER THINGS TO DO?!!
NIGHTPUFF is CORRECT!
NIGHTPUFF is also LUCKY to be able to do ANYTHING!
Oh, yeah right... just start the battle already.
NARRATOR doesn't WANT a BATTLE!
Uh.... are you allowed to do that?
NARRATOR says YES!
NARRATOR says RED VERSION NARRATOR... err...
NARRATOR says CAPS LOCK GUY does it ALL THE TIME!
Ok, so you can do that because it happens on Red Version all the time?
NARRATOR says YES!
Hey! You just copied and pasted that, didn't you?!
NARRATOR is ANNOYED!
Yes, come on... I need a battle...
MAGIKARP appeared!
Oh well... It's better than nothing I guess...
I'll send out my Dragon Spear.
The enemy's a MAGIKARP! Go, DRAGON SPEAR!
Is it just me, or has the narrator run out of lines to use?
NARRATOR is ANNOYED yet again!
MAGIKARP used SCHOOL!
Uhh... how are a school of Magikarp going to hurt my spear?
SCHOOL appeared!
Of Magikarp?
NO!!!!
SCHOOL used LAND!
SCHOOL LANDED on DRAGON SPEAR!

Battle #2: Nothing outlasts the Magikarp...
Setting: Portal World: 100% Anything Else: 0%
Player: Nightpuff [ Record: 2-5-0] Last appearance: Battle #1

DRAGON SPEAR fainted! use next Pokémon?
Do I HAVE anything else? I don't remember!
NARRATOR says YOU ANNOYED IT, so NO!
MAGIKARP used SCHOOL!
But I haven't sent anything out yet!
SCHOOL used land!
SCHOOL landed on NIGHTPUFF!
Ouchies...
DOOMPUFF is in criitcal condition!
MAGIKARP used ULTRA BALL!
Press A repeatedly to escape!
Ok... Hey! There isn't any button like that on the inside of this thing!
NARRATOR used CACKLE!
NARRATOR CACKLED maniacally!
Congradulations, MAGIKARP!
You've caught a DOOMPUFF!
And all this time I thought I was a main character...
NARRATOR says you should be happy!
Why should I be happy?!!
NARRATOR says the battle was almost 50 lines!
How does that help me any?
NARRATOR says it doesn't!
What? FIRST BATTLE is evolving!
FIRST BATTLE evolved into TWO BATTLES!
I weep with joy... Why can't I get any good parts for once?! The only notable scene I was in was in Sir Chargon's fanfic! It's not fair... I'm an Evil Rabid Jigglypuff of Doom, after all...

Battle #3: The Battle With No Name
Setting: Portal World: 100% Anything Else: 0%
Player: SecGuard [ Record: 0-0-0] New Character

New Character?!! I've been stuck in this spot for the past 300 years! You could at least give me the privilege of giving my battle a name!
Battle #3: The soon-to-die Security Guard
Ha! Like THAT'S going to hurt me! I was born in this world and am therefore immortal!
NARRATOR wonders if THAT is TRUE!
Of course it is! Where do you think Doompuff came from?
AQUA VERSION!
And let me ask you: did they find Doompuff before or after the crossover battle with Orange?
NARRATOR doesn't KNOW!
NARRATOR reads CROSSOVER BATTLE!
NARRATOR was TRICKED!
Heh... That was easy.
NARRATOR is extremely TICKED OFF!!!!
MAGIKARP appeared!
MAGIKARP used SCHOOL!
MAGIKARP went to SCHOOL!
NARRATOR is confused! It hurt itself in it's confusion!
I believe, Narrator, that you're losing your power.
NARRATOR SHALL NOT BE DEFEATED!!!!
Actually, Narrator, I'm quite learned in Narrator lore.
I believe it says that if someone ever manages to outsmart a narrator, the narrator would slowly lose its power and cease to exist.
NARRATOR curses!
NARRATOR ceased to exist!
Well, that's the end of that... no more narrators! That's the end everyone!
...
The Portal World is pretty boring without narration.

Battle #4: The World Without
Setting: Portal World: 100% Anything Else: 0%
Player: DustinP [ Record: 2-3-1] Night Version Webmaster

Hey... wait... what'll happen to the website without Narration?
I'll have to close it again! No!!! I just restarted it too!
The worst part is, there's no such thing as Narrator lore! My poor sadistic Narator was conned into non-existanse!
But... how am I going to create a Narrator? There aren't enough characters left to become narrators?
I know! I'll just make a tree become the Narrator! They're very intelligent beings and there are a lot of them!
Tree! Turn into a narrator!
I have been created!
NARRATOR 2 has been created!
NARRATOR 3 has been created!
Huh?
NARRATOR 587 has been created!
Oh no... I was too generic! All the trees in the world turned into Narrators!
DUSTINP is correct!
SECGUARD appeared!
SECGUARD used CON!
SECGUARD can get rid of NARRATORS! SECGUARD needs WBMASTER POWERS!
Really? You can get rid of the Narrators? Feel free to use my webmaster powers to do it.
DUSTINP was CONNED!
SECGUARD is the new NIGHT VERSION WEBMASTER!
DUSTINP is no longer the NIGHT VERSION WEBMASTER!
SECGUARD was renamed to JUSTINB!
You were renamed to COMPLETE MORON!
No!!! I'm stuck as a character on my own website now!
JUSTINB will now use you as a MINOR CHARACTER!
Curses! I'll get out of this somehow!

Battle #57: The Fall of a Ninja
Setting: Portal World: 100% Anything Else: 0%
Player: Wakuseino [ Record: 50-17-75] Last appearance: Battle #52

Ouch... I'm exhausted... I've been running from Doompuff for 5 battles...
WAKUSEINO is EXHAUSTED!
I'm not safe yet?
WAKUSEINO is far from SAFE!
MEGAKARP appeared!
Hey... I thought they were "MAGIKARP".
MEGAKARP reminds you he was renamed in Battle #22
How was I supposed to know that?!! I disappeared for about 20 battles then showed up a bit later!
NARRATOR tells you to SHUT UP!
Oh? and why is that?
BATTLES #5-56 AREN'T WRITTEN!
MEGAKARP wants to fight!
MEGAKARP sent out MEGAKARP!
Heh... This'll be easy!
Time for you to shine, Kiyone... in a figurative sense, of course...
Drink the enemy's soul, Kyone!
Kiyone, use drain.
KIYONE used DRAIN!
MEGAKARP was drained of MP!
But... MP doesn't do anything in Pokémon battles.
WAKUSEINO is correct!
MEGAKARP used HOLY SPLASH!
Holy Splash?
What's the point of splashing holy water?
KIYONE exploded!
KIYONE fainted! Use next Pokémon?
I don't have anything else! Doompuff killed them all!
Then...
MEGAKARP used Pokéball!
Wait! I'd like to see what made things reach this point!
NARRATOR agrees!
FLASHBACK appeared!
BATTLE #5 is now being shown!
Heh... now that the flashback's here, you can't write the next part until you're finished all 52 Battles between then and now.
NARRATOR curses!

Battle #5: The Ninja Remains...
Setting: Portal World: 100% Anything Else: 0%
Player: Wakuseino [ Record: 10-4-20] Last appearance: Original Night Version

...Damn that Otaku...
WAKUSEINO is CURSING!
I think I have every right to! Otaku got us stuck in the middle of the Portal World!
DOOMPUFF appears!
Uhh...
WAKUSEINO backed away!
Please don't kill me... I'm a main character!
DOOMPUFF will let you live... for now.
Huh? Why?
DOOMPUFF and RED DOOMPUFF will destroy NIGHT VERSION later.
I didn't even realize Doompuff knew the meaning of "later".
THE SAG_ _ON____ES!
December 31, 2000
The Sock Ones?!!!! What the heck does that mean?!!
NARRATOR tells you to ask JASONR!
But I'm stuck in Night Version!
Then you will never know!
Hey! That's not fair!
DOOMPUFF walks away!
I have to find out what "The Sock Ones" means...
WAKUSEINO began SUB-QUEST!
Hey, wait! How am I supposed to figure it out?
BATTLE appeared!
Opponents: 2 Magikarp, 1 Rabikarp!
Rabikarp?!! Ok, that just proves that the Narrator is obsessed with Doompuff Spinoffs.
Oh well... Night Blast!
WAKUSEINO used NIGHT BLAST!
2 MAGIKARP fainted!
RABIKARP used DOOMKARP!
Nothing to attack!
RABIKARP accuses you of cheating!
How did I cheat?
RABIKARP says you didn't send anything out!
Why would I want to waste my Pokémon on something as useless as you?
RABIKARP says it SHALL get its REVENGE!
RABIKARP ran away!
Oh well... What possible harm could a rabid Magikarp do?

Battle #6: The Return of Doompuff (October 19th)
Setting: Portal World: 100% Anything Else: 0%
Player: Magikarp [ Record: 70-1-0] Last appearance: Battle #3

Ahh... Finally, some peace and quiet.. no narrators to bother me, just peace!
MAGIKARP is wrong!
Figures as much... what do you have planned for me today, speaking gases of the future?
NARRATOR is CONFUSED!
It hurt... MAGIKARP in its confusion!
Hey! You're not allowed to do that!
NARRATOR can do WHATEVER it LIKES!
NARRATOR is ALLMIGHTY!
Oh, great. This Narrator's got more ego than most.
NARRATOR is GREATLY ANNOYED!
NARRATOR used STORYLINE MESS-UP!
STORYLINE is MESSED UP!
DOOMPUFF appeared!
Ok, let me get this straight. You've toasted the storyline so that you could kill me with Doompuff.
MAGIKARP is correct!
Well, just give me a second... I have to train anyway. Go, Nightpuff!
The enemy is your creator! Get'm, NIGHTPUFF!
Uh... what?
NIGHTPUFF used FATAL HUG!
DOOMPUFF is deflating!
I'm not going to get another chance like this... Go, Masterball!
Congradulations, MAGIKARP!
Ha! Not even Doompuff can oppose me!
You caught a DECOYPUFF!
No!!!! I was positive I caught the real thing!!!
Would you like to rename DOOMPUFF?
No, I'll just keep it as Doompuff.

Battle #7: Arrival (December 2nd)
Setting: Portal World
Player: True Wakuseino [ Record: Missing] Last appearance: Wind Version

I'm finally out of there... it's been over a month since I went there, but I didn't know that I would end up possessed by some Dark puppetmaster!
REALWAK is CONFUSING the NARRATOR!
REALWAK is GOING TO PAY!!!
Oh? How so?
NARRATOR will sick MAGIKARP on you!
... The narration quality sure changed while I was gone...
NARRATOR tells REALWAK to SHUT UP!
MAGIKARP appeared!
... and what is it going to do? Flop me to death?
MAGIKARP sent out NIGHTPUFF!
I thought we banished it to the Portal World?
NIGHT VERSION is IN the PORTAL WORLD!
REALWAK is a COMPLETE MORON!
NIHGTPUFF used DRAGOON SPEAR!
REALWAK was SPEARED!
... Reality Breaker.
REALWAK doesn't have enough PP for REALITY BREAKER!
uhh... are narrator's allowed to do that?
NARRATOR just DID!
uhh... throw the crystal at it!
OAK: REALWAK! This is not the time to use that!
... Great, it's not enough that I'm losing, but I'm losing because of the narrator's unoriginality.
REALWAK is CORRECT!
And let me guess... because we're over 20 lines, you're going to keep me stuck here for a week, or until the Webmaster gets around to updating, right?
REALWAK is CORRECT yet again!
Great...

Battle #8: Ye Olde Ubsurdly Large Battle (December 7th)
Setting: Portal World
Player: True Wakuseino [ Record: Missing] Last appearance: Battle #6

...
Can I go now?
Can't escape!
Can I at least attack?
There's no will to fight!
NIGHTPUFF used NIGHT PORTAL
PORTAL FROM AQUA appeared!
uhh...does she have that much power?
YES!
ERICMHE appeared!
ERICMHE used FALL!
ERICMHE FELL on NIGHTPUFF!
NIGHTPUFF fainted!
Ok then, I'm free. I win.
MAGIKARP sent out DOOMPUFF!
ERICMHE ran away!
...
!
REALWAK is as RESPONSIVE as RED!
oy... now we have Pokemon References... on Pokebattles no less! How could this be?
G/SREFERENCE appeared!
G/SREFERENCE used CREATE!
70000 CHIKORITA were CREATED!
DOOMPUFF used COYPUFF!
Coypuff? Ok, I'm disturbed on the naming...
70000 DOOMPUFF fainted!
I win then, right?
NO!
NARRATOR used TYPO!
70000 CHIKORITA fainted!
Wait, doesn't Doompuff normally kill its enemies?
CHIKORITA are IMMUNE to RABID-TYPE!
Ohh... that explains it... sort of...
DOOMPUFF gained 9894798574398573984579835 experience points!
DOOMPUFF became level 80!
DOOMPUFF used AIR PUFFER!
G/SREFERENCE died!
DOOMPUFF gained 4987239874298743982739874 experience points!
DOOMPUFF became level 99!
Uhh... we're all dead.
NARRATOR used EVIL LAUGH!
NARRATOR LAUGHED EVILLY!
You moron! You'll kill us all!!!!!!
DOOPUFF used AIR PUFFER!
Ahh!!! Reality Guard!
REALWAK used REALITY GUARD!
REALWAK was GUARDED form REALITY-TYPE ATTACKS!
Nooo!!!!
REALWAK fainted!
DOOMPUFF gained 2 experience points!
DOOMPUFF became level 100!
What? DOOMPUFF is evolving!
NARRATOR used CLIFFHANGER!
EVOLUTION is hung on a cliff!
DECOYPUFF will EVOLVE... NEXT UPDATE!
 

Battle #9: The Plot Twist (December 23rd)
Setting: Otaku's Palace
Player: Otaku [ Record: Missing] Last appearance: Night Version Fanfic #1

Well, it's an ordinary day... my plans are progressing perfectly, and there will be no way to stop my upcoming takeover... The Doompuff Battle Day will hide my takeover.
DOOMPUFF ENTERED RED VERSION!
DOOMPUFF BATTLE DAY was CANCELLED!
...Uhh... can you do that?
NARRATOR cannot control RED VERSION!
Well this is just wonderful... my take-over's been cancelled because some stupid narrator let Doompuff loose early?!!! Bah!
LANI: Odd.
Why do you always say Odd like that?!!! Can't you see our plans are being ruined?
LANI points to ODDISH!
LANI says she was CONVERSING WITH ODDISH!
LANI: Odd.
ODDISHl Oddish Odd. Dish!
Great... is there at least SOMETHING to look forward to here?
NARRATOR NOTES that this BATTLE will be SHORT!
Compared to the rest of this website?
COMPARED to LAST BATTLE!
Oh, great...
PLOT used TWIST!
PLOT was TWISTED beyond COMPREHENSION!
DEPLOYPUFF took over VOID!
Eh? Aren't you supposed to EVOLVE it first?
NARRATOR reminds OTAKU that PLOT is TWISTED!
oy... bad sentence... every second word in caps...
DEPLOYPUFF appeared!
uhh...
DEPLOYPUFF used TAKEOVER!
OTAKU'S PALACE was TAKEN OVER!
OTAKU was KICKED OUT of PALACE!
Noo!!!!!! Beaten by a copycat!
You'll pay for this, Narrator, Deploypuff...

[#POKEBATTLES] [+nt]:
<Wakuseino> So everyone, how was the battle?
<Eric> It was funny. Now go to hell.
<Wakuseino> uhh... what was that, Eric?
*** Eric (eric_trum@209.170.210.41) has quit IRC (Leaving)
<Wakuseino> Should I be offended by that?
<Flashfire> 'Course not. He'll be back to normal in no time.
<Wakuseino> Oh well.
* Wakuseino goes back to reading Eric's rant.

Battle #10: Nothing (January 7th)
Setting: Near Otaku's Palace
Player: Lani [ Record: Missing] Last appearance: Battle #9/Millionaire

LANI appeared!
Actually, I've been sitting here the whole time...
Don't question the NARRATOR!
Right...
LANI is BORED!
With the whole ruined plans thing, there hasn't really been much to do and I haven't seen Otaku in awhile...
...
Is there anything interesting in this version?
...
Never mind.
Hmm...I know!
Go,AXE!
LANI sent out AXE!
There's NOTHING to FIGHT!
NOTHING is angry!
NOTHING wants to FIGHT!
This should be interesting.
AXE, use SLASH!
AXE used SLASH!
Not very effective...
NOTHING used NOTHING!
NOTHING happened!
AXE, use CHOP!
AXE used CHOP!
The attack missed!
NARRATOR can't figure out WHY!
You know, I was wondering the same thing..
NOTHING used NOTHING!
What? AXE is devolving!
It is?
Yes!
AXE devolved into NOTHING!
NOTHING fainted!
NOTHING wins!
Then it's a draw?
Look up, NOTHING wins!
I know.
If nothing fainted and nothing wins, then it's a draw..
LANI is confused!
It fainted in its confusion!
I did no such thing!
NARRATOR wins!
Evil narration...

Battle #11:  No Name (January 14th)
Setting: Random Swirling Void of Writer's Block
Player: JustinB [ Record: Unknown] Night Version Webmaster

Ugh... I must update... before Jason ranks it!
JUSTINB has 2 SECONDS!
nooo... must buy time...
JUSTINB used BUY!
JUSTINB BRIBED JASON to rank NIGHT VERSION last!
ahh... that gets me some time...
FINALFANTASYIX appeared!
uhh...
FINALFANTASYIX wants to be played!
I DON'T HAVE TIME! I only have about 10 minutes...
FINALFANTASYIX wants to enslave HUMANITY!
I thought it already did that?
FINALFANTASYIX doesn't care!
FINALFANTASYIX wants to fight!
Uhh... go Night Version?
JUSTINB sent out NIGHTVERSION!
FINALFANTASYIX sent out ARMYOFBLACKMAGES!
Uhh... why isn't your naming process capable of several words in a name anymore?
THAT DOESN'T MATTER!!!!!!!
Uhh... ok...
BM3216531: KILL!
BM4372982: KILL!
AOBM: KILL!
uhh...
AOBM used KILL!
AOBM killed LOWLEVELHEROES!
LOWLEVELHEROES were BLACKMAGES!
AOBM died!
... that was wonderfully exciting... more exciting than watching turtles fight...
NV ran away!
NV was taken over by DEPLOYPUFF!
...great... I don't have anything else to send out...
Neither does FFIX!
Uhh... first, you couldn't speak two words without merging them together, now you're using acronyms like a maniac? Let's hurry this battle up already!
BATTLE was FASTFORWARDED!
NOUPDATEHELL appeared!
What caused THAT to show up?
NARRATOR doesn't KNOW!
NARRATOR also doesn't WANT TO FIND OUT!
fine with me, I guess...
NUH used BUGS!
BUGS froze FFIX!
JUSTINB now has 10 seconds to update website!
Agh!!!!!! Upload upload upload!
WEBSITE was UPDATED!
yay! now I can go back to playing FFIX!

Battle #12: Rainbow Battle (January 28)
Setting: Random Swirling Void of Writer's Block
Player: Wakuseino [ Record: 10-4-20]

WAKUSEINO appeared!
Oh, what true joy... I'm stuck in the void part of the void because the author has writer's block.
LANI appeared!
... and what exactly was the point of that?
...
JUSTINB wants to test something!
Odd.
NARRATOR is SHOCKED!
Eh? What's so shocking about... Pink text?!!
PINK TEXT was supposed to be GREEN TEXT!
GREEN TEXT MAKER laughs MANIACALLY!
GREEN TEXT MAKER renamed itself to Ph GREEN TEXT MAKER!
Ph GREEN TEXT MAKER attached itself to LANI!
Uhh... how can an inanimite object attach itself to someone?
Ph GREEN TEXT MAKER was created by MAKO REACTORS!
JUSTINB curses SHINRA, and all its useless STEAK KNIVES!
JUSTINB sent out MAKO KNIFE!
MAKO KNIFE snapped in half!
MAKO KNIFE was renamed to DECAYED BONE KNIFE!
JUSTINB disappears!
Odd.
LANI disappears!
and... the point of that was...
...
I'm waiting!
NARRATOR doesn't KNOW!
Well, let's start this stupid thing alrady... what the?! YELLOW TEXT?!!
YELLOW TEXT appeared!
YELLOW TEXT wants to fight!
Uhh... this can't be...urgh..
yellow text wants to fight narrator.
NARRATOR is annoyed!
yellow text used explode
NARRATOR exploded!
NARRATOR BLINKS!
NARRATOR says that's CHEATING!
yellow text thinks not.
yellow text will take over night version now.
NARRATOR is fully annoyed!
NARRATOR used PLOT HOLE!
WAKUSEINO and YELLOW TEXT fell into PLOT HOLE!
NARRATOR is happy!
NARRATOR renames REALWAK to WAKUSEINO!
NIGHT VERSION is MYSTERIOUSLY UPDATED!

Battle #12: Shoe Wars (February 4th)
Setting: Random Swirling Void of Writer's Block
Player: Nothing [ Record: 0-0-0]

SHOE appeared!
MORE SHOES appeared!
EVEN MORE SHOES appeared!
SHOES want to fight eachother!
SHOES used SOCK!
SHOES were SOCKED!

Setting: Fortress of Deploypuff
Player: Deploypuff [ Record Unknown]

Mwahahahahahahahahahaha!! While the narrator was busy writing uttterly useless battles, I've to create an army of Nightpuff clones!
Not only that, but so long as the narrator continues to ignore me, I'll be able to take over Night Version before anyone does anything!
DEPLOYPUFF is GASPING for AIR!
Must stop making 4 line speeches without a break... Nightpuff, I want you to lead the army of Nightpuff clones to take over Night Version now.
2 MILLION HEROES appear!
Uhh... are there even that many heroes in all the versions totalled together?
Wait...That's... Narration!!!!! No!!!!!!!!!
NPC ARMY attacks 2MH army!
I HAVE NPC's? I thought NPC's were normally neutral?
NARRATOR menat NIGHTPUFF CLONE ARMY!
1,999,980 HEROES DIE!
All right! Only 20 heroes to go!
REMAINING HEROES are MAJOR CHARACTERS!
...do we even HAVE that many major characters?
NARRATOR used HEROES from WEBMASTER'S UNWRITTEN STORY!
Oh, that explains it...
2 HEROES kill themselves!
1 HERO drinks BEER and is promptly decapitated!
Uhh...
ALL HEROES EXCEPT NIGHT VERSION HEROES die GRUESOME, ELONGATED deaths!
Well, now I've only got about 2 heroes left, while my army is still powerful.
NIGHTPUFF ARMY died!
All of them?
EXCEPT NIGHTPUFF!
Nightpuff, get back to the castle!
MAGIKARP and WAKUSEINO used SIEGE!
CASTLE was SIEZED!
What? You realize how little sense that makes, right?
DEPLOYPUFF was kicked out of CASTLE!
Hey! I took over that castle! It wasn't that easy for me! Die!
CASTLE died!
Huh? I don't have that much power...
CASTLE glowed PURPLE!
What the... looks ike a Final Fantasy boss death scene...
CASTLE disappeared in PURPLE HAZE!
MAGIKARP and WAKUSEINO are still in castle!
NIGHTPUFF appeared!
Yeah! There's noone left to kill me now! This version is mine!
I think not, Deploypuff.
Mwaha-huh? What are you doing with a different color text?
It's a long story.
That doesn't matter.. wait, how did you get here and who are you?
Err.... LANI appeared!
Umm... Nightpuff, get it!
BATTLE will be CONTINUED some time NEXT WEEK!
What?!!! But... I was so close to winning... why do I have to wait a week?
WEBMASTER used SLACK OFF!
Damn... I'll win next time!