oblivion



Battle #57 July 23rd, 2000 It's a Wonderful Oblivion! Player: Mary (Unconfirmed ending vs. God) DACTA MPR opened EYES! Uh...where am I? DACTA MPR is in a DREAM! Must be. DACTA MPR rubbed EYES! So...what's this dream about? It isn't a DREAM! You just said it was. NARRATOR denies IT! Whatever. DACTA MPR is in OBLIVION! With Kelly? YES! Is anyone else in here? QUEEN is in OBLIVION! Queen is everywhere, aren't they? YES! Hmmm...who is THAT? THAT is SHINJI from NEON GENESIS EVANGELION! That's crazy. The White Webmistress hasn't even ever SEEN that show! CORRECT! So...she really can't put him in a character can she? NO! Why not? WHITEWEBMISTRESS has DREAMS about that SHOW! And she DOESN'T watch IT! But she STILL somehow has DREAMS about IT! Well, that's screwed. QUEEN: Nothing really matters...nothing really matters to me... Do they just start singing whenever? YES! This is beyond screwed up. KELLY: You're telling me. Wait, I'm confused. How can oblivioin be a place, when it's not really a place? DACTA MPR is confused! It hurt itself in its confusion! OR, according to the POLL: DACTA MPR went to REDVERSION! DACTA MPR was sucked into PORTAL! AHHHHHHH! JASONROSS saw DACTA MPR coming! JASONROSS grabbed LOUISVILLE SLUGGER! JASONROSS: Batter up! DACTA MPR was STRUCK into DIFFERENT PORTAL! CRAPPPPP! DACTA MPR landed in REAL WORLD! "That's a terrible show," proclaimed Dacta MPR. She began suddenly stiff, as she realized the Narrator was no longer there. "Hey, Narrator?" she said timidly, but no annoying booming voice came. Dacta, rather annoyed that she was in the real world, began walking. She had no idea of where she had landed; by the looks of it, it was somewhere in Egypt. Suddenly, Dacta heard a thunder of hooves and looked up to see a humongous camel's face in hers. She screamed and jumped three feet into the air. A voice came from the back of the camel in a different language. "Huh?" said Dacta. "Oh, English," responded the man. "I said, aren't you from the White Version?" "How do you know?" asked Dacta curiously.. "Are you kidding? I read those battles all the time!" he crowed. "Can I have your autograph?" "Do you know how to get me back to the White Version?" said Dacta, trying to bargain with him. "Sure. There's this witch in town..." said the man. "Hop on my camel. I'll take you there." "Thanks," said Dacta, and got onto the camel. It was the B type, in which she forgot the real name. "Hey, you have a Discman?" "Of course," said the guy, and dug into his saddle bag and handed Dacta a Discman. Unfortunatley, the only CD he had was Queen. It took a few days to get to the village, and it was crawling in disease. Dacta had nearly forgot about disease after being so long in the White Version. The man led Dacta to a tent. Inside was a flea-bitten women who seemed to be levitating. "Excuse me, Ez," said the man, bowing. The lady opened her eyes, and smiled a toothless smile. "Greetings, Stewart," Ez said. "What's the problem?" "I have a lost character from the White Version," said Stewart. "Really? This isn't even humerous. What is this doing in the White Version?" Stewart shrugged. "The White Webmisterss isn't a very funny writer," he replied. Ez nodded. "I'll help." "Thanks," said Dacta, trying not to show her disgust. "Autograph first," insisted Stewart. Dacta pulled out a pen and signed the camel's ear. The camel looked a bit disturbed, but stayed still. "Now, I help," said Ez. She started making weird noises that sort of made Dacta fidget, but suddenly, there was a rather large portal opened in front of her, glowing a white light. "In you go," said Ez, and shoved Dacta in. DACTA MPR opened her EYES! DACTA MPR is in OBLIVION! Hey! That's CHEAP! EZ is evilly LAUGHING! DACTA MPR lost against EZ!
			Battle #58 July 23rd, 2000 The Evil mp3s Player: Sister (No confirmed record, but she's been known to like to annoy Dacta) About time I get my own battle. How did SISTER get HERE? SISTER is suppose to be at GAYPRIDEMARCH in ITALY! Nah, that ended a while ago. SISTER is on COMPUTER! Yes, and Dacta is NOT getting on! MUAHAHAHAHAHA! SISTER used EVILLAUGH! It's super evil! DACTA MPR: Stealer of attacks! Cram it. DACTA MPR was CRAMMED into CABINET! DACTA MPR: Help? Ha ha ha ha... SLOWBOYFRIEND IMED SISTER! Ooo! It's my Broany! DACTA MPR: snicker SHUT UP! SLOWBOYFRIEND is being SLOW! SLOWBOYFRINED: H......i......S.....i.....s.....t.....e.....r........ Aw, my little tortoise. DACTA MPR is laughing HYSTERICALLY! Gr..... SISTER pulled on HEADPHONES! SISTER turned up MP3! SISTER still can't IGNORE NARRATOR! Hmph! SISTER is listening to MATCHBOX 20! MATCHBOX 20 came out of COMPUTER SCREEN! Ahhhh! DACTA MPR: Even THEY'RE more attractive than Broany. And they aren't very attractive. MATCHBOX 20 heard that! Uh...hello. MATCHBOX20BASS: Hello... MATCHBOX20TENOR: Hello... MATCHOBOX20SOPRANO: HELLO!! Male soprano? MALESOPRANO revealed TRUEIDENITY! MALESOPRANO is really LANCE OF DA ELITE FOUR! That is just wrong. SLOWBOYFRIEND: W....h....a....t....'....s.... SISTER closed IM BOX! That was just insanely slow. LANCE is angry! LANCE wants to fight! Fine! Go, me! Go, SISTER! LANCE sent out LANCE! LANCE used EXTREMELYHIGHNOTE! It's EXTREMELY HIGH! Geez, enough caps? NARRATOR DOESN'T THINK SO!! Put on Earmuffs! SISTER USED PUT ON EARMUFFS! WHAT EARMUFFS?! I DON'T SEE ANY EARMUFFS!! Then what attacks do I know? SISTER KNOWS WAVE RAINBOW COLOURED FLAG and RUNAWAY! Let's try the Wave Rainbow Coloured Flag. SISTER waved RAINBOW COLOURED FLAG! SISTER is proclaiming GAYPRIDE! SISTER is a LESBIAN! SLOWBOYFRIEND doesn't GET it! Maybe my Broany is just a bit slow.... LANCE used CAPESWIPE! It's super pathetic! Uh, me, use Runaway? SISTER used RUNAWAY! SISTER ranaway! ?! Cheap shot, Narrator! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! SISTER lost to LANCE!


			Battle #60 August 8, 2000 Braces Player: Mary (Loss vs. Ez) QUEEN continues to HAUNT DACTA MPR! DIE QUEEN!! QUEEN: I don't wanna die... Well, tough, you're gonna die now! DACTA MPR grabbed LEADPIPE! Time for the Queen to diiie! QUEEN: ...sometimes wish I'd never been born at all... You're gonna doubly wish that when THIS is over!! QUEEN used COLDWATER! Huh? PERHAPS DACTA MPR has forgotten her CURSE! Oh right. I think the Webmistress did too until recently. Oh shut up. What? DACTA MPR is evolving! Oh, NOW I remember! DACTA MPR evolved to CARTMAN! **, now I REALLY remember! QUEEN is laughing! SHUT UP, YOU ENGLISH *****! CARTMAN used KILL! QUEEN was KILLED! STAN: Oh my god! They've killed Queen! QUEEN: Too late...our time has come...* Exactly. Muaha! PINK appeared! Now PINK will HAUNT CARTMAN! Noooo! I can't escape! But I'm not every girl, and I don't need that world...to validate me... At least it's better than Queen. CARTMAN is ATTRACTED to PINK! WHHAAAAT? I'm a female! SISTER: All right! Gay pride! DACTA MPR is not a FEMALE as CARTMAN! DACTA MPR is a BIG-BONED cough MALE! Where's the hot water?? JACUZZI appeared! LANCE was in JACUZZI! LANCE: Ahhh! I'm butt-naked in here! NARRATOR points out LANCE usually ALLIES anyone who sees him NAKED! LANCE: Lance Bass was jut an unfortunate accident. Hey, Cartman, wanna be my ally? Ahhhh! CARTMAN dove into JACUZZI! LANCE: I guess some like it hot. What? CARTMAN is devolving! CARTMAN devolved to DACTA MPR! LANCE: My! ?! My clothes didn't change with me?? DACTA MPR sunk back into JACUZZI! Can someone pass me some underwear? PINK passed DACTA MPR some PINKUNDERWEAR! grumble I hate the colour pink. PINK SHOULD DIE! PINK died! Oops...wrong Pink. Sorry. There you go...looking pitiful just because you killed me so... At least I have some underpants on... DACTA MPR crawled out of JACUZZI! LANCE: Aw man... JACUZZI disappeared! ORTHODONTIST appeared! Hmmm? ORTHODONTIST taps WATCH! ORTHODONTIST: Time for getting on your braces! ...................... AHHHH NOOOO! DACTA MPR used RUNAWAY! ORTHODONTIST caught DACTA MPR! sob ORTHODONTIST: Now this won't hurt...much. ORTHODONTIST sent out DRILL! Eep! O.o ORTHODONTIST: Heh heh heh heh... DRILL used BRACES! BRACES were put ON DACTA MPR! OWWWW!!! SCENE was EDITED out because of EXPLICIT LANGUAGE! ORTHODONTIST won against DACTA MPR! He had an unfair advantage! TOUGH! DACTA MPR lost again! MUAHA! Grrr...

Battle #59 July 24th, 2000 Mysterious Shinji Player: Kelly (Win vs. White Webmistress) FOR GOD'S SAKE, I DIDN'T WIN!! KELLY won! AGH! Why isn't Queen here? It's rather quiet. QUEEN just HAUNTS DACTA MPR! Ah. SHINJI is still HERE! Well, I don't know anything about him. TALK then! He doesn't look like he wants to talk. And from first glance, I can't tell if he's a boy or girl. SHINJI is INSULTED! SHINJI is a BOY! Wait, I don't think Shinji is even the right name... WHITEWEBMISTRESS went to NEONGENESISEVANGELIONSITE! Actually, his name is Ikari...Shinji is his LAST name. But who knows? His father and him share a first name but not a last name...maybe in Japan it's the other way around. Let's just call him Shinji for now. SHINJI was renamed SHINJI! SHINJI is insulted! Please! Your name remained the same! SHINJI doesn't CARE! SHINJI wants to fight! Fine, go, Bob. Go, Ally BOB! SHINJI sent out EVANGELION! **.... KELLY looks up into SKY! KELLY still can't see TOP of EVANGELIOIN! Like I said, *... RSACi: Tsk tsk! Bob, you're butchered wood if you try and face this thing... Ally BOB will fight for KELLY! You will? sniff* That's so...sniff touching... Ally BOB tells you to CUT THE CRAP! CRAP was CUT in HALF! Ally BOB used TUNE UP! Ally BOB is powering UP! EVANGELION is over-whelmed! How can THAT huge thing be OVER-FRICKING-WHELMED? EVANGELION used STOMP! EVANGELION stomped through GROUND! EVANGELION fell DEEPER into OBLIVION! EVANGELION fainted! Holy crap! There's NOTHING HOLY about that SLICED CRAP! Never mind. SHINJI has no more POKEMON! Decision? KELLY won against SHINJI! SHINJI: How?! I fight those things against ANGELS and they don't get destroyed! But that little cello... The MORAL of the BATTLE is: ALWAYS have FAITH in your FRIENDS! Oh sheesh... That is beyond sappy. That belongs in a Disney Movie. MORAL was put in DISNEYMOVIE! DISNEYMOVIE was PERFECTBLUE! THAT'S NOT A DISNEY MOVIE! It SAYS on the COVER: "If Alfred Hitchcock and Walt Disney came together to make a movie, it would be somethiing like this." That doesn't mean...oh never mind. That moral doesn't fit that well anyway, because her friend was the murderer. Shhh! Don't RUIN the MOVIE! BATTLE ended! KELLY won against SHINJI! sigh I have a feeling I'm going to be doing this quite a bit.



Battle #57 July 23rd, 2000 It's a Wonderful Oblivion! Player: Mary (Unconfirmed ending vs. God) DACTA MPR opened EYES! Uh...where am I? DACTA MPR is in a DREAM! Must be. DACTA MPR rubbed EYES! So...what's this dream about? It isn't a DREAM! You just said it was. NARRATOR denies IT! Whatever. DACTA MPR is in OBLIVION! With Kelly? YES! Is anyone else in here? QUEEN is in OBLIVION! Queen is everywhere, aren't they? YES! Hmmm...who is THAT? THAT is SHINJI from NEON GENESIS EVANGELION! That's crazy. The White Webmistress hasn't even ever SEEN that show! CORRECT! So...she really can't put him in a character can she? NO! Why not? WHITEWEBMISTRESS has DREAMS about that SHOW! And she DOESN'T watch IT! But she STILL somehow has DREAMS about IT! Well, that's screwed. QUEEN: Nothing really matters...nothing really matters to me... Do they just start singing whenever? YES! This is beyond screwed up. KELLY: You're telling me. Wait, I'm confused. How can oblivioin be a place, when it's not really a place? DACTA MPR is confused! It hurt itself in its confusion! OR, according to the POLL: DACTA MPR went to REDVERSION! DACTA MPR was sucked into PORTAL! AHHHHHHH! JASONROSS saw DACTA MPR coming! JASONROSS grabbed LOUISVILLE SLUGGER! JASONROSS: Batter up! DACTA MPR was STRUCK into DIFFERENT PORTAL! CRAPPPPP! DACTA MPR landed in REAL WORLD! "That's a terrible show," proclaimed Dacta MPR. She began suddenly stiff, as she realized the Narrator was no longer there. "Hey, Narrator?" she said timidly, but no annoying booming voice came. Dacta, rather annoyed that she was in the real world, began walking. She had no idea of where she had landed; by the looks of it, it was somewhere in Egypt. Suddenly, Dacta heard a thunder of hooves and looked up to see a humongous camel's face in hers. She screamed and jumped three feet into the air. A voice came from the back of the camel in a different language. "Huh?" said Dacta. "Oh, English," responded the man. "I said, aren't you from the White Version?" "How do you know?" asked Dacta curiously.. "Are you kidding? I read those battles all the time!" he crowed. "Can I have your autograph?" "Do you know how to get me back to the White Version?" said Dacta, trying to bargain with him. "Sure. There's this witch in town..." said the man. "Hop on my camel. I'll take you there." "Thanks," said Dacta, and got onto the camel. It was the B type, in which she forgot the real name. "Hey, you have a Discman?" "Of course," said the guy, and dug into his saddle bag and handed Dacta a Discman. Unfortunatley, the only CD he had was Queen. It took a few days to get to the village, and it was crawling in disease. Dacta had nearly forgot about disease after being so long in the White Version. The man led Dacta to a tent. Inside was a flea-bitten women who seemed to be levitating. "Excuse me, Ez," said the man, bowing. The lady opened her eyes, and smiled a toothless smile. "Greetings, Stewart," Ez said. "What's the problem?" "I have a lost character from the White Version," said Stewart. "Really? This isn't even humerous. What is this doing in the White Version?" Stewart shrugged. "The White Webmisterss isn't a very funny writer," he replied. Ez nodded. "I'll help." "Thanks," said Dacta, trying not to show her disgust. "Autograph first," insisted Stewart. Dacta pulled out a pen and signed the camel's ear. The camel looked a bit disturbed, but stayed still. "Now, I help," said Ez. She started making weird noises that sort of made Dacta fidget, but suddenly, there was a rather large portal opened in front of her, glowing a white light. "In you go," said Ez, and shoved Dacta in. DACTA MPR opened her EYES! DACTA MPR is in OBLIVION! Hey! That's CHEAP! EZ is evilly LAUGHING! DACTA MPR lost against EZ!
			Battle #58 July 23rd, 2000 The Evil mp3s Player: Sister (No confirmed record, but she's been known to like to annoy Dacta) About time I get my own battle. How did SISTER get HERE? SISTER is suppose to be at GAYPRIDEMARCH in ITALY! Nah, that ended a while ago. SISTER is on COMPUTER! Yes, and Dacta is NOT getting on! MUAHAHAHAHAHA! SISTER used EVILLAUGH! It's super evil! DACTA MPR: Stealer of attacks! Cram it. DACTA MPR was CRAMMED into CABINET! DACTA MPR: Help? Ha ha ha ha... SLOWBOYFRIEND IMED SISTER! Ooo! It's my Broany! DACTA MPR: snicker SHUT UP! SLOWBOYFRIEND is being SLOW! SLOWBOYFRINED: H......i......S.....i.....s.....t.....e.....r........ Aw, my little tortoise. DACTA MPR is laughing HYSTERICALLY! Gr..... SISTER pulled on HEADPHONES! SISTER turned up MP3! SISTER still can't IGNORE NARRATOR! Hmph! SISTER is listening to MATCHBOX 20! MATCHBOX 20 came out of COMPUTER SCREEN! Ahhhh! DACTA MPR: Even THEY'RE more attractive than Broany. And they aren't very attractive. MATCHBOX 20 heard that! Uh...hello. MATCHBOX20BASS: Hello... MATCHBOX20TENOR: Hello... MATCHOBOX20SOPRANO: HELLO!! Male soprano? MALESOPRANO revealed TRUEIDENITY! MALESOPRANO is really LANCE OF DA ELITE FOUR! That is just wrong. SLOWBOYFRIEND: W....h....a....t....'....s.... SISTER closed IM BOX! That was just insanely slow. LANCE is angry! LANCE wants to fight! Fine! Go, me! Go, SISTER! LANCE sent out LANCE! LANCE used EXTREMELYHIGHNOTE! It's EXTREMELY HIGH! Geez, enough caps? NARRATOR DOESN'T THINK SO!! Put on Earmuffs! SISTER USED PUT ON EARMUFFS! WHAT EARMUFFS?! I DON'T SEE ANY EARMUFFS!! Then what attacks do I know? SISTER KNOWS WAVE RAINBOW COLOURED FLAG and RUNAWAY! Let's try the Wave Rainbow Coloured Flag. SISTER waved RAINBOW COLOURED FLAG! SISTER is proclaiming GAYPRIDE! SISTER is a LESBIAN! SLOWBOYFRIEND doesn't GET it! Maybe my Broany is just a bit slow.... LANCE used CAPESWIPE! It's super pathetic! Uh, me, use Runaway? SISTER used RUNAWAY! SISTER ranaway! ?! Cheap shot, Narrator! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! SISTER lost to LANCE!


			Battle #60 August 8, 2000 Braces Player: Mary (Loss vs. Ez) QUEEN continues to HAUNT DACTA MPR! DIE QUEEN!! QUEEN: I don't wanna die... Well, tough, you're gonna die now! DACTA MPR grabbed LEADPIPE! Time for the Queen to diiie! QUEEN: ...sometimes wish I'd never been born at all... You're gonna doubly wish that when THIS is over!! QUEEN used COLDWATER! Huh? PERHAPS DACTA MPR has forgotten her CURSE! Oh right. I think the Webmistress did too until recently. Oh shut up. What? DACTA MPR is evolving! Oh, NOW I remember! DACTA MPR evolved to CARTMAN! **, now I REALLY remember! QUEEN is laughing! SHUT UP, YOU ENGLISH *****! CARTMAN used KILL! QUEEN was KILLED! STAN: Oh my god! They've killed Queen! QUEEN: Too late...our time has come...* Exactly. Muaha! PINK appeared! Now PINK will HAUNT CARTMAN! Noooo! I can't escape! But I'm not every girl, and I don't need that world...to validate me... At least it's better than Queen. CARTMAN is ATTRACTED to PINK! WHHAAAAT? I'm a female! SISTER: All right! Gay pride! DACTA MPR is not a FEMALE as CARTMAN! DACTA MPR is a BIG-BONED cough MALE! Where's the hot water?? JACUZZI appeared! LANCE was in JACUZZI! LANCE: Ahhh! I'm butt-naked in here! NARRATOR points out LANCE usually ALLIES anyone who sees him NAKED! LANCE: Lance Bass was jut an unfortunate accident. Hey, Cartman, wanna be my ally? Ahhhh! CARTMAN dove into JACUZZI! LANCE: I guess some like it hot. What? CARTMAN is devolving! CARTMAN devolved to DACTA MPR! LANCE: My! ?! My clothes didn't change with me?? DACTA MPR sunk back into JACUZZI! Can someone pass me some underwear? PINK passed DACTA MPR some PINKUNDERWEAR! grumble I hate the colour pink. PINK SHOULD DIE! PINK died! Oops...wrong Pink. Sorry. There you go...looking pitiful just because you killed me so... At least I have some underpants on... DACTA MPR crawled out of JACUZZI! LANCE: Aw man... JACUZZI disappeared! ORTHODONTIST appeared! Hmmm? ORTHODONTIST taps WATCH! ORTHODONTIST: Time for getting on your braces! ...................... AHHHH NOOOO! DACTA MPR used RUNAWAY! ORTHODONTIST caught DACTA MPR! sob ORTHODONTIST: Now this won't hurt...much. ORTHODONTIST sent out DRILL! Eep! O.o ORTHODONTIST: Heh heh heh heh... DRILL used BRACES! BRACES were put ON DACTA MPR! OWWWW!!! SCENE was EDITED out because of EXPLICIT LANGUAGE! ORTHODONTIST won against DACTA MPR! He had an unfair advantage! TOUGH! DACTA MPR lost again! MUAHA! Grrr...

Battle #59 July 24th, 2000 Mysterious Shinji Player: Kelly (Win vs. White Webmistress) FOR GOD'S SAKE, I DIDN'T WIN!! KELLY won! AGH! Why isn't Queen here? It's rather quiet. QUEEN just HAUNTS DACTA MPR! Ah. SHINJI is still HERE! Well, I don't know anything about him. TALK then! He doesn't look like he wants to talk. And from first glance, I can't tell if he's a boy or girl. SHINJI is INSULTED! SHINJI is a BOY! Wait, I don't think Shinji is even the right name... WHITEWEBMISTRESS went to NEONGENESISEVANGELIONSITE! Actually, his name is Ikari...Shinji is his LAST name. But who knows? His father and him share a first name but not a last name...maybe in Japan it's the other way around. Let's just call him Shinji for now. SHINJI was renamed SHINJI! SHINJI is insulted! Please! Your name remained the same! SHINJI doesn't CARE! SHINJI wants to fight! Fine, go, Bob. Go, Ally BOB! SHINJI sent out EVANGELION! **.... KELLY looks up into SKY! KELLY still can't see TOP of EVANGELIOIN! Like I said, *... RSACi: Tsk tsk! Bob, you're butchered wood if you try and face this thing... Ally BOB will fight for KELLY! You will? sniff* That's so...sniff touching... Ally BOB tells you to CUT THE CRAP! CRAP was CUT in HALF! Ally BOB used TUNE UP! Ally BOB is powering UP! EVANGELION is over-whelmed! How can THAT huge thing be OVER-FRICKING-WHELMED? EVANGELION used STOMP! EVANGELION stomped through GROUND! EVANGELION fell DEEPER into OBLIVION! EVANGELION fainted! Holy crap! There's NOTHING HOLY about that SLICED CRAP! Never mind. SHINJI has no more POKEMON! Decision? KELLY won against SHINJI! SHINJI: How?! I fight those things against ANGELS and they don't get destroyed! But that little cello... The MORAL of the BATTLE is: ALWAYS have FAITH in your FRIENDS! Oh sheesh... That is beyond sappy. That belongs in a Disney Movie. MORAL was put in DISNEYMOVIE! DISNEYMOVIE was PERFECTBLUE! THAT'S NOT A DISNEY MOVIE! It SAYS on the COVER: "If Alfred Hitchcock and Walt Disney came together to make a movie, it would be somethiing like this." That doesn't mean...oh never mind. That moral doesn't fit that well anyway, because her friend was the murderer. Shhh! Don't RUIN the MOVIE! BATTLE ended! KELLY won against SHINJI! sigh I have a feeling I'm going to be doing this quite a bit.