Updates:
4-23-04 Battle 2 is up! Probably the last update for this week, but who knows, I might get bored.
_____________________________________________________

Neo Wind Version Battle #2: Nobody Expects the Spanish Conquistadores!
April 23rd, 2004
Setting: Daniel's Villa
Player: Daniel, the Self Proclaimed Supreme Overlord of Earth

I want to fight.
OAK: DANIEL! Now is not the time to do that!
What NOW?!?
CONQUISTADORES are busy TAKING a SIÉSTA!
And why's that?
The LAST BATTLE came to such a sudden END that the CONQUISTADORES went into SHOCK!
Oh, well, in that case, I'll just shuttle them off and take this place for myself.
Don't BOTHER! NARRATOR can wake them up EASILY ENOUGH!
PINK FLOYD's TIME begins to play!
tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock
No, no, what are you doing?! Turn that off!
DANIEL should probably get ready to FIGHT!
...Okay. Doo bee doo...
GADOING! DING DONG! RANDOM ALARM CLOCK SOUNDS that HAPPEN in the AFOREMENTION SONG!
CONQUISTADOR número uno: Ay, mis orejas! No me gusta el ruido. Oyen, compadres! Se despertan!
CONQUISTADOR número dos: Uf, no grita, por favor...
Uh, what in the great green gobs of greasy Jesus are they SAYING?
QUÉ, no sé HABLAR español?...er, WHAT, you don't know how to SPEAK Spanish?
Right, I don't know how to speak spanish. WHAT DID THEY SAY!?!
THEY said: "CONQUERER numer one: Oh, my ears! I don't like this noise. Listen, friends! Wake up!
CONQUERER number two: Ouch, don't shout, please."
I see.
DANIEL, in the meantime, has been SURROUNDED by CONQUISTADORES!
Holy crap! When...what...who...
The WHO and the WHAT now?
EXACTLY! AHHHHHHHHHH!
There are ONLY THREE CONQUISTADORES!
...oh. I was under the impression that it was, like, an army.
DIEGO is a NOVICE SUPREME OVERLORD! Give him a BREAK!
Oh, I almost forgot...CONQUISTADORES want to fight!
Uh oh, I guess this is the part where I send out a pokemon...alright...GO, DUCK ARMADA!
DANIEL sent out ...DUCK ARMADA?
Quack quack, muthafugga.
Uh...RIGHT! CONQUISTADORES sent out EL TORO!
Duck Armada, use quacking swarm!
DUCKS quack LOUDLY!
EL TORO is CONFUSED at all the QUACKING!
EL TORO used RAGE!
Some DUCKS are SMOOSHED!
They died nobly, fighting for their supreme overlord...I wouldn't have it any other way.
AVENGE YOUR FALLEN DUCK COMRADES! USE YOUR BILLS!
DUCKS used BILLS!
KILL BILL vol. 1, NOW out on DVD! AND DON'T FORGET to see KILL BILL vol. 2 in THEATERS!
Um...
ALL BILLS were KILLED! DUCKS now lack MOUTHS!
EL TORO used MATARSE!
ALL DUCKS were KILLED and then FAINTED!
What the...who...how...what just happened here?
Use next pokemon?
My...my ducks! All of them!...how...why...
EL TORO used MATAR--
OKAY OKAY! Go...Duct Tape Ball!
DANIEL sent out DUCT TAPE BALL!
Unwrap yourself and wrap up the toro!
DUCT TAPE BALL used WRAP!
EL TORO is PARALYZED! It may not attack!
Bind!
DUCT TAPE BALL used BIND!
LA VIDA is being squeezed out of EL TORO!
Finish him, use extremely painful removal!
DUCT TAPE removed itself from EL TORO, ripping off FUR and SKIN!
EL TORO fainted!
Woo hoo!
LOS CONQUISTADORES send out LOS CONQUISTADORES!
alright...Duct Tape Ball, return!
You solve all of life's problems, DUCT TAPE! Return!
Go, me!
DANIEL sent out DANIEL!
Alright, use OVERLORD!
DANIEL used OVERLORD!
DANIEL lords OVER the CONQUISTADORES!
Daaaaamn right.
No effect!
..DEATH TO YOUR BABIES!
LOS CONQUISTADORES usan LA MÚSICA LATINA de LA TRUMPETA!
It's super salsa-y!
DANIEL is forced to DANCE!
dum dee doo doo wop dee dahhhh
LOS CONQUISTADORES look around!
What...
LOS CONQUISTADORES run away!
Oh. Well, uh..
DANIEL wins!
Oh. WOO HOO!
YOU may now go into your HOUSE!



Why did Los Conquistadores run away? Why is salsa music so dancable? Duck armada?!? All these questions and more answered in Neo Wind Version Battle #3!


BTW: Go post comment here


Neo Wind Version Battle #1: The Who and the What Now?
April 22nd, 2004
Setting: Portal from Wind Version to Earth
Player: Daniel, the Self Proclaimed Supreme Overlord of Earth

doo be doo wahhhhh
WELCOME to WIND VERSION!
The who and the what now? WHOA, where am I?
...is NARRATOR talking to HIMSELF? NARRATOR said WELCOME to WIND VERSION!
What is a Wind Version?
IT is where YOU ARE now!
...the who and the what now?
*sigh* NARRATOR shall EXPLAIN!

Time Passes...

and THAT is what this PLACE is!
The who and the what now?
ARGH! Shut up!
NO! You shall shut up, because I have been sitting here listen to you read every single one of these "BATTLES" that have ever been in existance ever for about 4 MONTHS, and as an aside I have to say that these Wind Verizon ones really BLOW, and I am absolutely sick of hearing your GOD DAMN BOOMING VOICE IN MY EARS, AND AS SUPREME OVERLORD OF EARTH I COMMAND YOU SILENCE YOURSELF NOW!
Version.
Whatever. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to conquer this place now.
OAK: DANIEL! This is not the time to do that!
The who and the--
If DANIEL values his LIFE and his GONADS, he will STOP SAYING THAT!
Bitch.
LARGE FEMALE DOG appeared and MAULED DANIEL!
FRIGGIN' OW! What was that?!
THAT was a BITCH, BITCH!
I already hate you. Now, tell me why I can't conquer this place?
Because DANIEL is the only person existant in WIND VERSION as of now!
So that makes my job terribly easy then!
EXACTLY! DANIEL sees that HE needs a NEMESIS in order to have a DECENT STORYLINE!
Wait, what? No no no, I can just easily conquer by sticking a flag here, and saying that it is mine.
DIEGO DE LOS SANTOS appeared!
DIEGO: Ay! Voy a poner mi bandera aquí y yo tengo este pais para mi.
DIEGO usar---uhm, DIEGO used BANDERA!...FLAG!
DIEGO now is the SUPREME OVERLORD of WIND VERSION!
DIEGO disappeared into RECENTLY APPEARING SPANISH PALACE!
...The who and the WHAT NOW?!
What did NARRATOR say about THAT?
Sorry. But what just happened here?
DANIEL now has a NEMESIS!
Fine, if this place is already conquered, then I'll go home.
PORTAL TO EARTH has DISAPPEARED!
Well, shit. Can I at least have a house to live in while I stay here?
HOUSE appeared!
HOUSE is surrounded by A HUNDRED SPANISH CONQUISTADORES!
You mean...ah, crap. Alright. I want to fight.


Will Daniel defeat The Conquistadores and get to sleep tonight? Who is Diego De Los Santos? These questions and more will be answered coming up on Neo Wind Version Battle 2!


BTW: Go post comment here