Battle #1: Pokebattles is for the Birds
Setting: The Celery Plains
Player: Sim Bird (0/0/0)
Date: April 8th, 2004
SIM BIRD arrived in NEOCELERY!
Well, isn't this world nice?
This WORLD isn't NICE at all!
And who may you be, disembodied voice?
I am the NARRATOR!
Oh, my mother warned me about you...
WHAT are YOU? Some kind of MOMMA'S BOY?
Well, I'm not going to spend all my time here talking to you, no matter how unique you may be to this multiverse.
NARRATOR can make your STAY here very UNPLEASANT!
Oh, please don't be unresonable. I'm just here to learn as much as I can.
Wild MINUN appeared!
Wild PLUSLE appeared!
Oh, hello little mice things!
MINUN: Hello big bird!
PLUSLE: Boy, you're pretty.
I'm the prettiest bird in all of Xanth.
MINUN: Xanth? Where's that?
Oh, it's just a world I used to live in... silly, full of puns.
PLUSLE: Sounds like a terrible version.
Version? What do you mean, version?
MINUN: Oh, no, we're spending too much time chatting with you!
PLUSLE: Yes, we have innocents to slaughter! Bye bye!
PLUSLE ran away!
MINUN ran away!
Well, they seemed like... wait, innocents to slaughter?
AYLA appeared!
AYLA and SIM BIRD locked eyes!
Why, who are you, miss?
AYLA: I trainer! You trainer! We battle!
I'm sorry, your primitive sentences aren't getting the message across... could you elaborate?
AYLA: I trainer, you trainer!
I'm sorry, ma'am, but I am not a trainer.
AYLA: You Pokemon?
No, I am not a Pokemon.
AYLA: Here, you Pokemon, or you trainer! You no Pokemon... so you trainer! We battle!
This is... rather odd.
AYLA wants to fight! AYLA sent out REPTITE!
Erm... I'm not quite sure how to proceed.
YOU must SEND OUT a POKEMON!
I don't think I have any.
Trying USING the FORCE!
I'm not sure how to do that... but I'll try...
SIM used THE FORCE!
SIM forced BUNNY HUNTER to be his POKEMON!
Err... why hello there, little rabbit.
BUNNY H.: @)##damnit! Now I'm one of those )$#*ing Pokemon things!
Oh dear... well, Bunny Hunter, I choose you!
SIM BIRD sent out BUNNY HUNTER!
AYLA: Reptite! Bite bunny!
REPTITE: I can't believe we lost to you stupid humans.
REPTITE used BITE!
REPTITE bit the dust!
REPTITE fainted!
I see the puns here are particularly jarring as well.
AYLA sent out WHATS HER FACE!
WHF: Soooo good!
If it's my attack... Bunny Hunter! Use your hop attack!
BUNNY H: Oh no... you've gotta be new here.
BUNNY H used HOP!
BUNNY H left #celeryplains
BUNNY H joined #celeryplains
...I don't get it.
SCREAMS can be HEARD in the DISTANCE!
AYLA: What that?
Uh-oh... those sound like innocents to me. I was hoping they were kidding.
AYLA: That bad! Stop battle!
AYLA ran away!
Wait, where are you going?
AYLA: I still here.
But the narration said you had ran.
AYLA: I just forfeit battle. I still here.
I'm still going to have to get used to the quirks of this world.
AYLA: We go save people!
AYLA ran... toward the SCREAMS!
Is she... actually going now?
YES! She is ACTUALLY GONE now!
Best to follow her and try and help those innocents.
YOU are a BIRDBRAIN!
I am a Roc with irridescent feathers and exceptional brain power.
At LEAST you managed to do a CHARACTER SUMMARY!
Ummm...
NEVER MIND! I don't THINK we can STRETCH this "ignorant about Pokebattles" JOKE any further!
At least someone updated their version for once.
...did you JUST...
Oh, I did a bit of research. Read the sixth fanfic. I'm rather glad I ended up in a world that exists.
That's IT! This BATTLE has got to END before this GETS even more COMPLEX!
BATTLE used END!
Battle #2: Say Hello to the Elder God
Setting: Celery Daycare
Player: Sim Bird (1/0/0)
Date: April 16th, 2004
SIM BIRD appeared!
Hello? I heard some screams, is everything alright?
BLOODY CORPSES appeared!
Oh. Well. I suppose not, then.
CORPSES: Freeee usss...
I'm afraid I am not aware of how.
CORPSES: Freee usss... from our eternal torment!
CORPSES want to fight!
Oh dear. The Zombie Master will be displeased with me if I hurt them...
CORPSES sent out ZOMBIE FRANK!
ZFRANK: Braaains... braaaains...
Why, what a wonderful singing voice you have there, Frank.
ZFRANK: ...braiiins?
Yes. I bet you could be famous. You should pursue a singing career.
ZFRANK: Brraaaiins!
ZFRANK ran away!
Hmm, maybe I can handle this without battling at all.
CORPSES sent out ZOMBIE PHIL!
ZPHIL: I'm gonna whup you like a government mule!
What a cute simile.
ZPHIL: Don't you try to talk your way out of this, little bird! You're going to get beat like a red-headed stepchild!
I know! Why don't you become a syndicated talk show host?
ZPHIL: Huh?
Sure, with your talent with similes and no-nonsense nature, you could be a hit.
ZPHIL: Hey... that's not so bad an idea...
ZOMBIE PHIL ran away!
I guess zombies are reasonable after all... they just want fame and fortune.
AYLA appeared!
AYLA: ARRRGH! Zombies! Ayla kill!
Wait, neanderthal human female, they're just...
AYLA used KILL!
AYLA started KILLING zombies!
ZOMBIES: :(
...oh well. I'd better find those two mouse-like creatures. I have a feeling they're responsible for this.
Elsewhere in Celery Daycare...
Hmm... a door leading into a basement.
SIM BIRD went into the BASEMENT!
PLUSLE appeared!
MINUN appeared!
Ahh, there you are. Are you responsible for this?
PLUSLE: He found us out!
MINUN: We can't let him live!
Before you attempt to kill me, I should mention that I am a rather clever bird.
MINUN: Oh, but we are rather clever Pokemon!
PLUSLE: And rather EVIL, as well!
PLUSLE and MINUN started chanting!
Uh-oh...
PLUSLE: QUI A MATA QUI A MATA TAWIL!
MINUN: SERA TAR A SERA TAR A PATIL!
CTHULHU appeared!
Oh dear... you're that elder god, aren't you?
CTHULHU: That's-a me, Cthulhu!
I sense a disturbance in the force... like thousands of geeks crying in rage and fury.
CTHULHU: Don't know what you're talking about, buddy!
PLUSLE ran away!
MINUN ran away!
So... any chance we don't have to do this?
CTHULHU: Nope! But don't worry. It'll be a quick fight.
CTHULHU wants to fight!
CTHULHU sent out TENTACLE!
Oh, right. Pokebattling. Hmm.
SIM BIRD sent out BUNNY HUNTER!
BUNNYH: Aww, crap! Not this again!
Bunny Hunter! Use...
BUNNYH: Wait, hold on, buddy. Let me tell you how this works.
Wha? Well, I'm listening...
BUNNYH: In order for your attacks to work, you need to make them nearly unpunnable, and those that can be punned have to only be able to be punned in a way that works to your advantage.
FAT chance! NO attack is UNPUNNABLE to the NARRATOR!
Alright, if that's what'll give me an advantage...
BUNNY HUNTER used ADVANTAGE!
Wha? I didn't...
BUNNY HUNTER is free of TICKS and FLEAS!
BUNNYH: Yeah, you gotta be careful what you say--
TENTACLE used WRAP!
BUNNY HUNTER fainted!
Oh no... that was my only Pokemon...
AYLA appeared!
AYLA: Birdie man! Use me!
Umm... Ayla, I choose you?
SIM BIRD sent out AYLA!
AYLA used BEAT DOWN!
TENTACLE fainted!
Hey, great! You're very strong, Ayla!
AYLA: Don't flirt with Ayla! Ayla taken!
I wasn't...
AYLA: Well, OK, Birdie Man can if he wants to! Heehee!
I'm not sure you...
CTHULHU sent out TENTACLE!
CTHULHU: I've got way more then eight of these, you know!
TENTACLE used WRAP!
Uh-oh... tentacle... anime girl... this could end up being an NC-17 Battle.
NOPE! This is a MAIN BATTLE!
TENTACLE missed!
That means... Ayla can't be defeated! As the tentacle can't help but do what it's supposed to do to an anime girl, it'll always miss because we're outside an NC-17 battle!
CTHULHU: Curses! I'll get you next time, you damn dirty bird!
CTHULHU ran away!
AYLA: We win!
I think we'd better find those mice Pokemon before they cause more mischief.
AYLA: That good! Ayla go beat up mice!
AYLA ran away!
Please, wait for me!
SIM BIRD used FLY!
BATTLE used END! |
