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Doompuff Armageddon
Poké Battles the Fanfic 2000
Part One
"son of an onion!!" the impish human screeched at his opponent, with an apparent reluctance to use any capital letters whatsoever.
"Quit saying that!" responded Rab, who had the sudden urge to go against Poké Battles rules and rip out Midgyo's throat then and there.
"yeah, try and make me. i'll kick yer arse!" Midgyo had turned his level of obnoxiousness up a notch, bringing Rab to the point of near insanity.
"Jeeves, go!" he yelled, throwing his Poké Ball and releasing the butler of search engine fame onto the battlefield.
"iRAB sent out JEEVES!" boomed a voice above them. Rab winced.
"What's the narrator doing here?" he asked, "This is a fanfic, not a battle!" There was no response from up above, so Rab assumed all was well.
"oh yeah? well i send out vaporeon!" called out Midgyo, throwing his Poké Ball into the arena. A Vaporeon emerged, much to Rab's amusement.
"You're using a conventional Pokémon?" he laughed, "Jeeves here is one of a kind!"
"gee rab--I'm surprised you even know a big word like conventional. hehe, lol." The fact that Midgyo had actually pronounced the letters 'lol' rather than simply laughing was greatly disturbing, and only strengthened Rab's resolve to kill the pesky trainer. Rab was about to give his command to Jeeves, when he realized that the enemy Vaporeon had already taken it upon itself to maul the defenseless Jeeves. Since Jeeves was too stupid to defend itself without being given a command, the butler was easy prey for Midgyo's Pokémon.
"hehe, lol!" said Midgyo. Rab simply grinned. He had awaited this moment for a long time, and knew that Midgyo would be helpless to fight against what else he had.
"hehe, lol… do ya even have any more Pokémon, Rab?" asked Midgyo, "'cuz if ya don't, i think i'll capture you. serves ya right, after that time you caught me." With that, Rab let out his battle cry.
"ALLS I GOTTA DO!" he proclaimed as he threw his last Poké Ball into the arena.
"what's that??" asked Midgyo as dark smoke began emerging from the Poké Ball.
"iRAB sent out DEATH!" supplied the narrator helpfully. Even as the words were spoken, the smoke formed itself into the visage of Death itself.
"son of an onion!!!" screeched the frightened Midgyo.
Man, I could sure go for an onion right now," said Da Evolution Man as he reclined in the shade of a nearby tree.
"Pika?" asked the Pokémon whose identity will be kept secret for now. Evoluman quickly looked up the word 'pika' in his Pikachu-to-English dictionary, but, finding several thousand matches, gave up in disgust.
"This thing was a rip-off!" he said as he tossed the book into the bonfire underneath the tree.
"It's super effective!" boomed a voice from above him as the flames quickly spread and caught the tree on fire.
"PIKA!!" warned the Mystery Pokémon as the tree began to move in an irritated fashion.
"No!" shouted Da Evolution Man as he realized that this must be one of the famed TREEs, which more often than not were trainers themselves. The TREE quickly began to drop apples onto Evoluman's head, and he immediately broke down and began to cry.
"Need any help?" boomed a voice as a caped man stepped between Da Evolution Man and his deadly foe.
"Bob!" exclaimed the grateful Evoluman as heroic music began to build in the background.
"I'll take care of this," said Bob, throwing a Poké Ball onto the ground in front of him.
"TREE, go!!" he yelled as his own high-level TREE began to do battle with the other TREE. After watching the two TREEs swing their branches at each other for a few minutes, Da Evolution Man pointed out how disturbing the scene actually looked.
"Evoluman," said Bob, ignoring his comment, "I needed to speak with you about Red Doompuff."
"Bah! Isn't that thing dead by now?" he asked.
"No," answered Bob, "Remember the Forest of No Return?"
"Sure I do," replied Evoluman, "That's where you became the powerful TREE trainer you are today." The two of them stole a glance at the battle raging on before them. Bob's TREE had the enemy TREE in a headlock and was pounding on it mercilessly. Evoluman shuddered.
"Well, Red Doompuff ate it." finished Bob.
"Ate what?" asked Evoluman.
"The forest!"
"What? The whole thing??"
"Yes," answered Bob, "It's now known only as the Grassy Field of No Return. And even now, Red Doompuff is attempting to open a portal to Earth."
"Huh? Isn't that what that Butch guy was always talking about?"
"What? No! He says 'urrh'… I'm talking about Earth! It's where the Almighty Webmaster lives."
"Oh yeah. So? Why doesn't he do something about Doompuff then?"
"I think Doompuff is too powerful even for Webmaster to destroy. That's why we need to come up with a plan." explained Bob. Evoluman still had doubts.
"If Red Doompuff is too powerful for Webmaster to handle, what makes you think we can do anything about it?"
"You're the one who originally evolved that Jigglypuff into a Doompuff," Bob reminded him, "Couldn't you just create a creature that could-"
"DOOM!" came a loud voice from behind him. Seeing the reflection of Doompuff in Evoluman's eyes, Bob very slowly and very carefully turned around. Even the TREEs stopped their bickering as the one that Bob's TREE had been fighting was snapped in half and devoured by the always-hungry Doompuff.
"Return, TREE!" yelled Bob frantically, barely managing to recall the TREE in time. The Doompuff grinned and bared its fangs. Bob, Evoluman, and the Nameless Pokémon slowly backed away.
"Do not worry, fair citizens!" boomed another heroic-sounding voice, "I shall save you from this vile fiend!" It was Poké Man, long-time protector of truth, justice, and the Japanese way. Clad in his full superhero outfit, he looked utterly ridiculous. Even Doompuff laughed, though to the others it sounded more like ravenous snarling.
"I shall hold off Doompuff," announced Poké Man, "You three make good your escape!" Red Doompuff simply waited as it watched the plotline unfold.
"I'm going back to the Grassy Field of No Return," whispered Bob to Evoluman, "You try to find Lord Sloth--I think he may be the key to getting help from Earth." Too frightened to argue, Evoluman sprinted away, followed by a small, yellow, rodent-like creature whose identity still remained a secret.
Part Two
"Alright, Vile One! You may have caught me off-guard before, but this time I will not hesitate to use all my powers against you!" shouted Poké Man confidently, despite the fact that Red Doompuff was already chewing away on his arm.
"Arrrrggghh!!" he yelled, and put all of his strength into a punch that could have killed any mortal being. Doompuff flew off of his arm, then suddenly began floating toward him again. Poké Man backed away, taking a moment to glance at a street sign as he passed.
"Metropolis, 50 Miles…" he read silently. Suddenly, he realized Doompuff's intent.
"It's headed for Metropolis!" he exclaimed. Red Doompuff paused.
"Muhhh-trop-luhs?" grunted Doompuff.
"It… it's learning to talk?" Poké Man was in shock.
"Muhhh-trop-luhs!!!" roared Doompuff and floated toward Poké Man with newfound ravenous hunger.
"No! You will never reach Metropolis!" yelled Poké Man, "Your reign of terror ENDS HERE!!"
Da Evolution Man kicked at a rock as he walked toward the location of Lord Sloth's castle. He had no idea what the pacifist sloth could possibly do to help them, but Bob always seemed to know what was going on.
"Y'know, I've noticed something over the past few weeks, Electric One," he said suddenly.
"Pikachu?" asked the mouse-like creature.
"Yeah… I mean, Doompuff has only been able to kill minor characters over the past few weeks… every time that we main characters get involved, Red Doompuff stops and waits for something to happen. It seems to me like the Webmaster has full control of the situation."
"Pikachu," agreed the Pikachu- er… the Pokémon-creature-thing.
"So I figure, what with that Poké Guy being a main character and all, he's got nothing to worry about." concluded Evoluman.
"MUHHH-TROP-LUHS!!!!" screeched Doompuff triumphantly as it snapped the body of Poké Man in half. With that task taken care of, it continued to stomp toward the prey that had gotten away earlier.
Bob was panting breathlessly, trying to reach the Grassy Field of No Return before it was too late. If he could just make it back to Aqua Version, he was certain that he could find out how the other world had learned to cope with the constant threat of Doompuff. And, in the back of his mind, he also began to think of how simple it would be to lure Red Doompuff into the Aqua world, then close the portal behind it. But Bob concluded that it would be too cruel a fate for the dwindling population that resided in Aqua Version. One Doompuff on a world was bad enough. Within minutes, Bob was standing in the Grassy Field of No Return, staring down at the shrine that would transport him to Aqua Version. Taking a deep breath, and noticing that a round, pink object was rapidly approaching from the distance, Bob spoke the ancient incantation. The Aqua-colored portal opened, and Bob stepped through.
"DOOM!" screamed the Doompuff in frustration as it saw its prey escape. But no matter… if it couldn't reach that universe, it could always travel to Earth.
Death stood menacingly in front of Midgyo, as he had been for several minutes. He continued to stand there, when Midgyo whispered to him.
"go!" Death blinked, which was not a pretty sight.
"Huh? Am I on!"
"yes!" hissed Midgyo, "son of an onion, the scene started already!"
"Ahem," said Death, "Prepare to die!"
"Yes! Kill, Death!!" Rab grinned at the thought of seeing Midgyo die.
"KILL DEATH! MUHHH-TROP-LUHS!! DOOM!" boomed the voice of Red Doompuff as it easily snapped Death in half.
"Nooooooo!" yelled Rab, "What have you done?"
"hehe, lol," laughed Midgyo, "looks like you lost this battle, rab!"
"HEHE. LOL. DOOM." Red Doompuff quickly sank its fangs into Midgyo's vital organs.
"hehe, lol!" giggled the impish trainer as his blood flew into Rab's face. With that, Midgyo died. Rab, happy as he was to see Midgyo die, was somewhat disgusted by the spectacle.
"So… you're the Red Doompuff that's been devouring half the population of Red Version, huh?" asked Rab of the drooling creature in front of him.
"DOOM." stated the Doompuff matter-of-factly.
"So alls I gotta do is kill you, and I'll be seen as a hero!" Rab quickly began to punch and kick at the creature, to the great amusement of Doompuff. Rab managed to punch Doompuff directly in the mouth, but unfortunately lost his hand in the process.
"Aarrrrrghhh!" screamed Rab as he watched Doompuff chomp contentedly on his hand, "I… I had no idea that this thing was so evil… and rabid…" Just as if all hope of Rab's survival seemed to be lost, Doompuff was hit from behind by an unusually powerful punch.
"DOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!" yelled Doompuff as it flew into the distance.
"Whew… thanks… um, who are you?" Rab asked of the confident-looking stranger who now stood before him.
"The name's Dent… Mark Dent," answered the man, "Now hurry--I only bought us time. We must rally at Lord Sloth's castle!"
"Wow, the sky is aqua-colored in this world," said Bob as he walked through the barren lands of Aqua Version. Skeletons and rotting corpses decorated the landscape, and the air was thick with the smell of blood. "Is this how the Red Version world is going to look if we don't defeat Doompuff?"
"DOOM!" came a loud voice from behind him. Bob whirled around to find a very disturbing-looking man standing in front of him.
"Don't… don't DO that!!" screamed Bob hysterically, clutching his chest, "I thought you were-"
"The Evil Rabid Jigglypuff of Doom?" asked the man, "Sorry, it's the only fun I ever get to have these days. The name's Nevada Joe--I'm the sheriff around these parts."
"These parts?" asked Bob, eyeing the devastation around him.
"Yes, well… these body parts anyway…" said the sheriff, bending down to pick up an arm that was lying on the ground. "Yesiree… of course, the job was better when there were other people alive… but I do fine this way too." His voice had a 'I'm-losing-my-sanity' quality to it, but Bob was eager to hear what the survivor had to say.
"So how did you manage to survive?" asked Bob.
"Easy," answered Nevada Joe, "Every time Doompuff turned its attention toward me, I'd find some nearby hapless sucker to feed to it! It worked great for awhile, but now that everyone's dead I figure I ain't got much time to live." his eye now began to twitch violently, and broke out into a fit of mad laughter.
"That is sick!" said Bob, thoroughly disgusted. He turned his back on the sheriff and began to head back to Red Version. If this is how this society had learned to cope with Doompuff, it was clear that there was no hope for Red Version either.
"Hey partner, where ya goin'? What say you and me, we could go and… hey, you listening to me?" the sheriff's voice continued in the background, but Bob ignored him. The way he saw it, Red Doompuff would have to be killed. But how?
"DOOM!" came the voice behind him again.
"Very funny, Nevada Joe--I'm not falling for it this time. Just leave me alone." the sound of bones snapping quickly convinced Bob that something very wrong had happened. He slowly turned around to be confronted with the bloodshot eyes and frothing mouth of the Evil Rabid Jigglypuff of Doom. Bob gulped.
"Um… Doompuff… hello," said Bob slowly, wondering why Doompuff hadn't devoured him by now.
"I WANT TO GO TO RED VERSION." declared the Doompuff. Bob's eyes involuntarily darted to the location of the Red Version portal, which was only a few yards away.
"What… what for?" asked Bob, stalling for time as he quickly calculated how he would sprint to the portal before Doompuff would have time to react.
"I WANT TO KILL RED DOOMPUFF." said Doompuff, demonstrating a remarkable amount of patience with the mortal trainer.
"Er… how do you know about Red Doompuff?"
"INTERNET." Of course, thought Bob, Earth provides the same Websites for all versions. That means that this Doompuff knows about everything that takes place in Red Version.
"And if I refuse to take you there?" asked Bob. Doompuff merely bared its fangs. Bob gulped once again.
"Uh… well, that'd work out just fine Doompuff, it's just that… WHAT IS THAT HUGE THING STANDING BEHIND YOU???" Doompuff fell for the trick, turning around at the same time that Bob began his sprint toward the Red Version portal. Doompuff quickly realized what had happened, and began to stomp toward Bob angrily.
"Webmaster! OPEN THE PORTAL!" screamed Bob as the distance between himself and the portal lessened. The familiar red portal opened up in the distance. Was it really that far away? Bob risked a glance behind him. He had gotten a significant head start, but Doompuff was gaining on him. Bob's lungs felt as if they were about to burst, but he managed to put every last bit of strength into his final run toward the portal.
I'm gonna make it, I'm gonna make it, he continued to think to himself. The sound of Doompuff's stomping was growing louder. It seemed to take hours, but the portal was finally in front of him. With every last ounce of strength, he dove through the portal, at the same time feeling Doompuff's fangs seep into his flesh.
Part Three
Emperor Sloth stood in the rubble that had once been Lord Sloth's castle. He had followed Lord Sloth to this location, believing that they were the only ones who could possibly defeat the Red Doompuff.
"I thought you said Doompuff would already be here," said Emperor Sloth, disappointed.
"I know that Red Doompuff's ultimate goal is to find a way to get to Earth. This portal is the only entrance. Don't worry--the Doompuff will show itself. The others know it too."
"Others?" asked Emperor Sloth, "You mean those lousy do-gooders? Bah! They're all useless!"
"They managed to defeat you," Lord Sloth reminded him. Emperor Sloth scowled.
"And another thing," said Emperor Sloth, "If our goal is to prevent the Red Doompuff from reaching Earth, why did you fix the portal?"
"Two reasons," answered Lord Sloth, "First, the Webmaster from Earth has made arrangements to send us reinforcements when Doompuff shows up. Second, I need that portal up and running in order to accomplish my backup plan…"
"What kind of backup plan?" asked Emperor Sloth suspiciously.
"I cannot tell you yet," said Lord Sloth.
"This is ridiculous," muttered Emperor Sloth, "I'll just find out my own way." He quickly got out a copy of Poké Battles the Fanfic 2000 and began to flip the pages.
"What the-? Where do you keep getting those things??" asked Lord Sloth as he snatched the fanfic away from him, "That's cheating!" He threw the fanfic into the portal.
"Cheating! I'm evil, for crying out loud! How can I be expected to take over the world when you keep sabotaging my plans?" protested Emperor Sloth.
"Shh!! The others are on their way!" announced Lord Sloth as he peered through his binoculars. In the northeast, he spotted a bloodied Rab and mild-mannered Mark Dent. In the northwest, he could see the traveling party of Da Evolution Man and a small yellow creature which he couldn't identify. And behind them, in the distance, loomed Red Doompuff.
"They sure are taking their sweet time," muttered Lord Sloth, "If they don't hurry up, Doompuff's going to overtake them…"
"Let's take a break," suggested Da Evolution Man. The Nameless Pokémon agreed. As he reclined in the shade of a nearby tree, an idea overtook him.
"Hey! Bob started to say something interesting before he ran away… what was it now…?" He strained to remember.
"Pika. Pikachu, pika pi!" explained the Nameless Pokémon helpfully.
"Um… narrator?" pleaded Da Evolution Man.
"PIKACHU says that BOB suggested creating a creature MORE POWERFUL than RED DOOMPUFF!" boomed the voice from above.
"Thank you," said a relieved Evolution Man, "That's not a bad idea… if I could create a Doompuff using my evolve attack, surely I could create something even more deadly and catastrophic that could defeat it!"
"Pikachu! Time to evolve!" commanded Da Evolution Man. The Nameless One shook its head vigorously. "Argh! Why do you have to be so stubborn?" he asked angrily. The Pokémon didn't respond, leaving Evoluman searching for something else to evolve.
"Well, I suppose a tree will have to do. Better make sure to find a fighting TREE though," he mumbled to himself as he kicked one of the trees as a test. It quickly came to life.
"Alright, TREE! Today's your lucky day!" announced Da Evolution Man.
"Evolve!" he commanded! As soon as he did so, the tree grew bigger.
"TREE evolved into SUPERTREE!" announced the narrator.
"Again!" yelled Da Evolution Man.
"TREE evolved into TREE 64!"
"And again!"
"TREE evolved into ULTRATREE!"
"And again!"
"TREE evolved into DEATHTREE!"
"And again!"
"TREE evolved into EVIL DEATHTREE!"
"I think we're getting close," said Evoluman, noticing that the tree had grown so large that he could barely see the leaves far above him, "Again!!"
"TREE evolved into EVIL RABID DEATHTREE!"
"Again!"
"TREE evolved into EVIL RABID DEATHTREE OF DOOM!"
"AGAIN!!!"
"Not enough PP for EVOLVE!" Evoluman sighed.
"I suppose this will have to be enough."
"MUHH-TROP-LUHS!!!" the voice of Doompuff suddenly roared.
"Ha ha! Prepare to meet your doom, Doompuff!" announced Da Evolution Man. Red Doompuff didn't hesitate a moment before latching onto the Evil Rabid Deathtree of Doom. The TREE was helpless to fight back, as its branches could not reach down that far.
"Um… Pikachu… time to run!!" yelled Da Evolution Man as he and the Pikachu-like-creature made a break for it. Red Doompuff was so happy to have such a large enemy to munch on, it decided to allow the others to live for the time being.
Bob groaned. He felt a sharp pain in his chest, followed by a flood of memories as to what had just happened to him.
"Why am I… still alive?" he wondered. Opening his eyes, he noticed that he was once again in the Grassy Field of No Return. Red Version.
"Did I… manage to escape Doompuff?" he asked himself. He could have sworn that Doompuff had attacked him before he got through the portal. Was the creature somehow held back? The Doompuff-shaped footprints nearby told a different story. Bob had lost a lot of blood, but he had been bandaged by someone… or something. On the ground in front of him was a thank you card.
"THANK YOU FOR BRINGING ME TO RED VERSION. FOR NOW, YOU GET TO LIVE. ENCLOSED IS A GIFT. SIGNED, DOOMY." Had this note not disturbed Bob so greatly, he might have wondered how Doompuff had even managed to grip a pen to write with. But instead, he struggled to stand, searching the ground for the 'gift' that Doompuff had left him. He soon spotted a T-Shirt lying on the ground, which read: I Survived Doompuff's Rampage 2000. Bob quickly changed shirts, as his old one was covered in blood. Feeling better, if slightly confused (he had to be careful not to hurt himself in his confusion), he began to walk toward Lord Sloth's castle.
Part Four
The forces of good and evil had gathered together in the crumbling ruins of Lord Sloth's castle. Rab, Mark Dent, Da Evolution Man, Emperor Sloth, and a mystery Pokémon named Pikachu were watching as Lord Sloth sent a paper airplane bearing the word 'HELP' into the portal to Earth. Within moments, a marine from Earth stepped through the portal and into the Poké Battles Universe.
"Woah, that guy looks different somehow…" pointed out Da Evolution Man.
"That's because he's not Anime," hissed Lord Sloth, "Now shut up--we don't have much time!" The marine cleared his throat.
"My name is Ding Chávez," he announced, "I will be commanding a makeshift organization currently known as the Earth Defense Force, or EDF. The team is composed of several elite organizations, including Team Rainbow, the Green Berets, and Boy Scout Troop #1805. My son Beto is a member of the last group. I'm very proud of him." The sound of Red Doompuff's stomping could now be heard in the distance. Lord Sloth watched through his binoculars as it toppled the Evil Rabid Deathtree of Doom, and proceeded to snap it in half.
"It sure likes snapping things in half…" observed Da Evolution Man. Lord Sloth glared at him.
"You! I need you to use your EVOLVE capability to create some super soldiers for the EDF," he commanded. Da Evolution Man cringed.
"I uh… kinda ran out of PP for that move…" he admitted.
"WHAT??" shouted Lord Sloth, "You imbecile! You used up all your PP on that stupid tree! All you did was buy us time!"
"E.T.A. to contact is three minutes!" announced Ding Chávez, "I'm moving in the troops!"
"Understood!" said Lord Sloth, turning away from Da Evolution Man with disgust. Ding went back through the portal, returning within a few seconds. Behind him, several marines began to move through the portal.
"Move, move, move!" commanded Ding, as the troops deployed onto the field. In the distance, Red Doompuff watched as more and more victims rallied near the portal to Earth.
"MUHH-TROP-LUHS!!" it roared.
"Did you hear that?" asked Mark Dent, "It said Metropolis! That's where I live!"
"Give it up, Dent," said Da Evolution Man, "We know you're just Poké Man in disguise." Mark Dent looked at the ground.
"I am afraid to tell you, but Poké Man was killed in action fighting Red Doompuff," said Mark solemnly. Da Evolution Man rolled his eyes.
"Sure, Mark… we believe you…" he said sarcastically. All of the forces of the EDF had come through the portal by now. Team Rainbow and the Green Berets consisted of about 300 men, in addition to the 20 boy scouts armed with Swiss army knives.
"All teams, hold position until I give the order!" announced Ding Chávez. The battle for Earth was about to begin.
Bob, weakened by his wounds and by overall exhaustion, stumbled along the path toward Lord Sloth's castle. He didn't know why the Evil Rabid Jigglypuff of Doom had spared his life, but he was determined to make it count for something. But he was now beginning to fear that by the time he arrived at the castle, all he'd find would be a pile of corpses.
"No…" he said to himself, "I will make it on time!" With that, Bob broke into a run.
"Alpha Team, move out!" crackled the voice over the radio. The counter-terrorist squad codenamed RAINBOW was attempting to surround Doompuff. Alpha Team had been designated as the suicide squad, which would distract the Red Doompuff while Bravo Team outflanked it. Meanwhile, the snipers of Charlie Team would set up in an attempt to deflate the Doompuff with sniper fire. Of course, nobody had bothered to tell Alpha Team that they were the suicide squad. They would figure it out soon enough. Alpha Team was finally within range, and Ding Chávez heard the leader's voice come through on the radio.
"Tango in sight," reported the leader, "Standing by for ord- ARRRGGHHH!!" static came through on the radio, and Ding watched in horrified fascination as Red Doompuff snapped the hapless leader in half. The rest of the team, needing no further prompting, immediately opened fire on the Doompuff, which moved at impossible speed to attempt to eat all of the bullets. The ones that actually hit Red Doompuff simply bounced off.
"Man down, man down! Need some backup now!" came the frantic voice over the radio.
"There is no backup… this is the end for you… muhahahahahahahahahaha!" was the response. A shocked Ding Chávez whirled around to find Emperor Sloth gleefully laughing into a headset.
"Gimme that!" Ding Chávez snatched the headset away from him. Emperor Sloth's broadcast had severe consequences on the troops, who instead of firing were now dropping their weapons and praying. Red Doompuff quickly devoured them, before Bravo Team had a chance to engage. Red Doompuff ambushed them and soon more cries for backup came through on the radio.
"No!! You'll be court-marshaled for this, Emperor Sloth! Mark my words!!" yelled an irate Ding Chávez, "Delta Team, move out!" Delta Team consisted of the Green Berets, who now poured onto the battlefield. Unfortunately, Bravo Team had already been wiped out, so Red Doompuff still did not have to fight on two fronts. The snipers, noticing that they would not have much time left, took aim and fired. The bullets, as expected. bounced off of the Red Doompuff.
"Go for the eyes!" shouted Ding through his radio, "Blind that sucker!" The snipers adjusted their aim, and one of them managed to hit the Red Doompuff squarely in the left eye. Red Doompuff let out a shriek of agony.
"MUHH-TROP-LUHS!!!! DOOM!!!!" roared the half-blinded Doompuff as it devoured the snipers and Green Berets. Within minutes, the only thing left on the battlefield was a very angry Red Doompuff, which was bleeding from the eye.
"Lord Sloth… did you want to tell us about that backup plan, now?" asked Emperor Sloth.
"Yes. Now we flee through the portal, leaving one person behind to destroy it. While Red Doompuff is fixing the portal, we will set up another front on Earth." explained Lord Sloth.
"Are you insane??" asked Da Evolution Man, "We can't just abandon Red Version! Bob's still out there somewhere! Nobody here stands a chance without our help!" Lord Sloth glared at him.
"Have you got a better idea?" he asked. As if on cue, a loud cry of "DOOM!" echoed in the distance. The small group of trainers looked into the distance to find another Doompuff.
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!" they screamed.
"Impossible!" said Rab, "How are we supposed to fight two of them?" His question was answered when the Doompuffs began fighting each other.
"DOOM!! YOU COPIED ME!! YOU DIE!! THEN THE OTHERS!! THE NETWORK WILL BE MINE!!" said the Evil Rabid Jigglypuff of Doom.
"MUHH-TROP-LUHS!!!" responded the Red Doompuff. The two of them savagely attacked one another. Emperor Sloth watched in fascination as it seemed that neither one could do any damage to the other. That was when he had an idea.
"Hey, both of them are indestructible!" he pointed out, "I bet we would send them to Earth and they'd be trapped there, battling each other forever!"
"Are you insane?? That's where the Webmaster lives!!" protested Lord Sloth.
"You cannot send them to Earth!" agreed Ding Chávez, "Our world will be destroyed, and so would yours!" But Emperor Sloth paid no attention to him.
"Decoypuff, go!" he proclaimed, throwing a Poké Ball in front of the portal. From it emerged what appeared to be a Doompuff. The others, with the exception of Lord Sloth, backed away fearfully.
"You actually kept that thing?" asked Lord Sloth.
"Of course. You never know when it could come in handy," he answered. With that, he held the Decoypuff above his head.
"HEY DOOMPUFFS, LOOK! ANOTHER COPYCAT!" The two Doompuffs stopped fighting for a moment, glancing at the Decoypuff that Emperor Sloth was holding above his head.
"And this Doompuff is FRIENDLY toward humans!!" he taunted. This angered the Doompuffs greatly.
"DOOM!!" said the Evil Rabid Jigglypuff of Doom.
"DOOM!!" agreed the Red Doompuff. With that, they began to stomp toward Emperor Sloth.
"You're crazy!" yelled Ding Chávez, "You're making the problem worse!"
"I don't care, as long as I'm rid of these Doompuff creatures!" said Emperor Sloth, "Then I will easily be able to conquer this world!" Ding Chávez pulled his pistol on the emperor.
"Drop the Doompuff!" he warned. Emperor Sloth ignored him. The enemy Doompuffs were almost upon them. Everyone except for Emperor Sloth and Ding Chávez scattered.
"You have three seconds!" yelled Ding. Emperor Sloth grinned.
"Go fetch, Doompuffs!" shouted Emperor Sloth, throwing the Decoypuff into the portal.
"Nooo!!" Ding Chávez dove into the portal, hoping to close it from the other side before the Doompuffs could get through. Emperor Sloth backed away as the Evil Rabid Jigglypuff of Doom and the Red Doompuff entered the portal at the same time. Then, he quickly destroyed the mechanism that controlled the portal, and it closed. He paused to catch his breath. The silence was deafening as the others slowly emerged from their hiding places.
"What… what have you done?" asked a shocked Lord Sloth. Emperor Sloth shrugged.
"I got rid of the Doompuffs. I'm a hero," he stated simply. More silence.
"But the Doompuffs are going to kill the Webmaster!" shouted a frantic Evolution Man, "Our universe is gonna disappear!" Everyone looked threateningly at Emperor Sloth. Suddenly, the voice of Ding Chávez crackled through a radio lying on the ground. Lord Sloth scrambled to answer it.
"Ding? How are you able to speak with us?" asked Lord Sloth.
"These are inter-version radios," explained Ding, "Our latest technology allows us to-"
"No, I mean haven't you been devoured by the Doompuffs yet?"
"Of course not! I closed the portal before they got here!" said Ding.
"But we just saw the Doompuffs go through the portal!" said Da Evolution Man, joining the conversation.
"That's odd," said Ding, "They never made it here…"
Bob arrived on the scene with his trusty laptop, plugging it into one of the many phone lines still functioning in the Slothian Ruins. The group gathered around the screen as he brought up Poké Battles the Fanfic 2000. They scanned to the bottom to search for an explanation as to where the Doompuffs had gone.
"Hey look!" pointed out Da Evolution Man, "That's what I'm saying right now!" he said as he read this particular line of text.
"Uh… try scrolling down more," suggested Rab, reading his own words as if the screen were a cue card. They skipped down to the last paragraph, and discovered what had happened.
"Woah… that's good, right?" asked Rab.
"I guess… as long as we never open the portals again." said Bob. The group then disbanded, thankful that the Doompuffs were no longer their problem.
"Hey Bob," what's with the T-Shirt?" asked Da Evolution Man suddenly. Bob grinned.
"As it says--I survived Doompuff's rampage."
"Cool--do I get a shirt like that?"
"Um… no." And everyone in the group departed to go their own separate ways, leaving Emperor Sloth to muse over how to take over the world...
"DOOM!!" yelled the Evil Rabid Jigglypuff of Doom as it floated through the swirling colors inside the portal. With the exit to Earth closed, and with no way back to Red Version, it was now stuck in the void between worlds.
"MUHH-TROP-LUHS!!" roared the Red Doompuff.
"STOP SAYING THAT. YOU COPYCAT. DOOM!" the two Doompuffs resumed their fighting where they had left off.
The End
Original Publication Date: June 26, 2000
ChronoWeb Publishing
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