Everywhere in Dark Version, battles were put on hold as fighters injured themselves to various degrees in their confusion. The reason? On every available tree and lamppost, rock spire and cliff, and in one or two places thin air, a sign had been hammered.
    Once everyone had recovered from their self-inflicted attacks, they clustered around the signs. Every one was the same. It read something like this:

DARK VERSION TOURNAMENT #2

The tournament will be held shortly to commemorate Dark Version on reaching its Fiftieth Battle. It will be an incredible display of the best battling Dark Version has to offer - without that annoying 'Plot' holding anyone back. Every major group in Dark Version is permitted to enter two champions. Everyone is urged to return to their home territories to elect their heroes. Dark Version Heroes are automatically in. Doompuff clones may not be entered - THIS MEANS YOU, HAMMY. (In Black Version's territory, Hammy angrily tore to shreds every sheet in the castle. Seconds later, they returned. He cursed loudly.)     Everyone is expected to assemble at the stadium in the centre of Dark Version in 48 hours. And in case you're wondering if there's a stadium there - There is now. No warfare will be tolerated - save your agression for the battle.

    Sure enough, two days later everyone in Dark Version had turned up to see the battle series of the new Millenium.
    The camera flits around, showing the huge stadium in all its glory, different races and groups filing up into the near-endless and cheering, waiting for their champions to appear.
    Then with some brilliant FMV effects which unfortunately are unavailable to readers of this, it moved upwards, twirling around the floating castle in the sky. The mountain had been moved to create the stadium; where to wasn't quite certain, but the castle remained. The camera zooms in and twirls around with some impressive 3D imagery, before moving in on a little pod detaching itself from the underside of the castle. It moved in, and the reflective glass became clear as they moved close enough just in time to see the Webmaster prepare to speak.
    "WELCOME, one and all, to Dark Version Tournament #2!" His voice echoed loudly from the pod over the entire arena, and everyone fell into silence, and the excited anticipation was enhanced a thousandfold.
    "I am your host, Damos-no-Yami, Webmaster of Dark Version! We have a long run of battles ahead of you tonight! Our last such event was restricted by lack of players, but this time we have no shortage. Before I introduce the contenders in this event, first it is a great honour to introduce the guests who have joined us today to witness this battle from several other versions.
    "First and foremost, may I introduce Matt, Master of Flame Version!"
    The screens lit up to show the anthro Raichu standing next to Dark in the pod, who took a quick slurp of the glass of Orange Juice he held before standing up and waving... unfortunately forgetting to put down the glass first and showering Damos with OJ. He coughed, slightly annoyed, but recovered.
    The crowds began to roar their approval - First those who actually had internet connection and read Flame, then those who had heard of his penchant for rather evil deaths, then those who thought that if the Webmaster liked him so much as to not disembowel him for the OJ thing then he must be good, then those that just felt left out 'cos they weren't clapping.
    "Also, JPG, Webmaster of Lunar Version!" The Sorcerer-like figure stood up, and received somewhat less applause - he wasn't nearly as well known as Matt. But the little area reserved for the Message Board guys exploded in applause.
    "Please note that no fighting will be allowed in the stands. We have imported several Narrators to make sure this rule is followed. And to the Narrators - please note that Matt and I are two of the greatest minds when it comes to gruesome deaths, and JPG's latest Narrator Death count was at... Somewhere in the high 10-digits, I believe."
    There was a combined gulp from below. All three Webmasters grinned.
    "And now, we introduce the fighters!"
    "First, from our hosted Black Version Armies, Mega HAC MKII and Oaken Mecha!"
    The assembled armies, mostly HACs with a group of Oaks sitting in the corner, burst into cheers. Hammy sat on a floating throne, a cruel smile plastered across his hampster face. The two huge creatures entered, and some of the other groups began to look a little nervous.
    "Next, of the Orcish armies, The Overlord Orgrim Doomhammer and the Demon Kil'jaeden!"
    The Demon far surpassed the Overlord in sheer evil-lookingness. After all, that's what Demons generally DO. From the huge horns to the permanent toothy scowl to the muscular body to the incredible claws on arms and feet, this was the perfect killing machine.
    Under any other company, Doomhammer would have been quite intimidating. But he really couldn't compare.
    "Video Game Villians United present Perfect Cell and Piedmon!"
    These two were rather small and insignificant compared to some of the stuff the others were pulling on them, but looks can be decieving - these were two of the most powerful guys around.
    "And finally, Team Rocket with Giovanni and... TR Extra #7395?"
    Everyone looked very confused as the nameless, uniform extra wandered out next to their boss. They'd chosen him? Why?
    "Err... okay... Well, now onto the good guys! The Video Game Good Guys have chosen Goku and Mario!
    The squat plumber entered beside the Saiyan, but raised somewhat by the Yoshi on which he rode. Most of the group cheered - but of course, Vegeta looked away, insulted expression on his face.
    "The Message Board Heroes have chosen Enigma and KB as their heroes!"
    The duo walked in, Enigma's tall thin form contrasting with KB's pure-shadow figure. The Message Boarders burst out in cheers, along with some of the VGGG. JPG clapped from the Webmaster's pod.
    "The Limbo Fighting Fish present Triple D and Very Strong Cricket!"
    Pretty-much all the bad guys laughed at this. They had every reason to. These two weren't exactly the most intimidating of contenders.
    "And now I present to you, Dark Version's own Hero, the ultimate goody-goody in a world of evils... Garrett the Holy!"
    The heavily armed Hero strode out to mixed cheers and boos. Team Rocket and the Orcs seemed particularally angry. But most of the good guys cheered.
    "Last - and most definately least - we present some comic relief. He's only here to fill in the numbers so we've got 16 of 'em, folks... Ash Ketchum!"
    There was a flat silence as the egotistical trainer wandered out. Everyone was in shock. Then suddenly the entire crowd began booing him and throwing things at him. He was only saved from a number of axes from the Orcs, firepower by the HACs, large heavy objects from the TR guys, and practically everything else in existance from the VGV and assorted good guys by the fact that they all collided in midair and dropped harmlessly to the ground around him.
    "Yes, that's about enough... Narrators, please stop the crowds... what? What was that, JPG? Oh, alright, if you must, one small spell..."
    There was a sudden silence from the crowd as a shadow fell over the arena. A feeling of foreboding shushed the crowd...
    Somehow without hitting the floating castle, anyone else in the crowds or the stadium, the entire moon dropped with impeccable accuracy directly onto Ash's head.
    "I said a SMALL spell! Oh, for gods sakes, would you move that thing?"
    JPG must have obliged, as the moon silently lifted up slightly and then vanished, reappearing back in the sky. There was no sign of Ash. The stadium floor instantly reconstructed itself.
    "Oh well, one of our contestants will automatically win the first round! Let's have a look at the matchup, shall we?"

"And now, for our first match, Garrett the Holy versus Doomhammer the Unholy!"

Well... Isn't he supposed to be here?
DOOMHAMMER is COMING!
HOLYGARY used WAIT!
HOLYGARY served CROWDS!
HOLYGARY received TIP!
TIP of the DAY: To select multiple units, drag the mouse over them or hold control and click.
HOLYGARY is confused!
He lost his patience in his confusion!
NARRATOR is getting IMPATIENT too!
DOOMHAMMER, please enter the ARENA!
Here I come!
DOOMHAMMER used ENTER!
DOOMHAMMER pressed ENTER!
PROGRAM was EXECUTED!
PEASANTS rejoice!
BATTLE's PUN QUOTA was used up in the first 15 LINES!
Yes, very nice... Now, let's get to it.
So, you're the boss of those Orc Hordes... I've been wanting to have a crack at you for ages... Cut off the head and the body will die, right?
NARRATOR disagrees!
What?
NARRATOR notes that there are SEVERAL OCCURANCES of BEHEADED CHARACTERS continuing to FIGHT!
That's... disturbing.
It's pokebattles. Get used to it. Or even better, leave!
Enough talk. Gul'dan, attack!
Go, GUL'DAN!
Hmm... I was expecting that other guy, Baa'gryl.
NARRATOR notes he was INCAPACITATED before he reached the SURFACE!
NARRATOR wonders how you even KNOW about him!
I keep up with Dark Version. I've got so much time between battles I can do practically anything.
NARRATOR suggests SENDING OUT SOMETHING!
Oh yeah... Go, Alakazam!
Get'm, ALAKAZAM!
Quick, use Magic!
GUL'DAN used MAGIC!
GUL'DAN began saying MAGIC WORDS!
ALAKAZAM wonders what GUL'DAN said his NAME for!
GUL'DAN facefaulted!
Now, Psybeam!
ALAKAZAM used PSYBEAM!
ALAKAZAM called SCOTTY!
ALAKAZAM asked to be BEAMED UP!
Nothing happened!
ALAKAZAM sighed!
Summon Death Knight!
GUL'DAN used SUMMON DEATH KNIGHT!
GIANT SUM dropped on DEATH who was creeping up on a KNIGHT over in AZEROTH!
DEATH could not work out SUM!
DEATH is CONFUSED!
It killed itself in its confusion!
Oookay... Spoon Strike!
What's that going to do?
SPOONS throughout the WORLD went on STRIKE!
SPOONS joined together into SPOON ARMY!
SPOON ARMY created BASE!
SPOON ARMY joined ALAKAZAM!
Sometimes it's better going for the ridiculous.
Grrr... Runes!
GUL'DAN used RUNES!
SPOON BASE was reduced to RUINS!
MANY SPOONS were KILLED!
Aha!
Damn... Swift!
No... Death & Decay!
GUL'DAN used DEATH&DECAY!
DEATH was IMMOBILIZED earlier!
However, DECAY is still running rampant!
ALAKAZAM SWIFTLY DECAYed!
ALAKAZAM fainted!
No... I guess I'll just have to send out my trusty Sword!
HOLYGARY sent out his RUSTY SWORD!
No, I said Trusty... oh, I've only got one sword anyway. Slash!
Arcane Powers!
PRICES of ARTIFACTS with ARCANE POWERS were SLASHED!
SALESMEN entered DARK VERSION to EXPLOIT THIS!
SALESMEN were tossed back to SHADOW VERSION!
SALESMEN died, since SHADOW VERSION was SHUT DOWN!
SALESMEN were sent to BLACK VERSION!
I need to win this...
You think you're the only one?
I can't leave Kil'jaeden alone in this. The Orcs must defeat all!
GUL'DAN heard that!
GUL'DAN didn't know KIL'JAEDEN was PARTICIPATING!
Err...
GUL'DAN serves KIL'JAEDEN!
GUL'DAN ran away!
Wow... that was awfully convenient.
So now I send out my weapon!
DOOMHAMMER sent out DOOMHAMMER!
What? I didn't send myself out!
DOOMHAMMER has an an UNFORTUNATE CHOICE of NAMES!
Grrr...
BATTLE is also INCREDIBLY BIASED in favour of HOLYGARY!
Hey!
You're not supposed to tell them that, Narrator.
HOLYGARY tends to be INFINITELY more interesting than ORCS!
Well, I'll show you... Hammer blow!
Holy Blast!
DOOMHAMMER's HAMMER was BLOWN from his HANDS by the HOLY BLAST!
DOOMHAMMER is now at HOLYGARY's MERCY!
Please... aren't you supposed to be the good guy? You're supposed to have pity on us poor defeated bad guys!
HOLYGARY was SWAYED!
HOLYGARY used PITY!
GROUND became PITTY!
DOOMHAMMER fell into a PIT!
Hey... I was letting him live!
NARRATOR knows!
NARRATOR didn't WANT him to live!
Oh...
DOOMHAMMER fainted!
HOLYGARY wins!

Never underestimate the Narrator's whims... Next up we have Black Version's Very Strong Cricket against Giovanni of Team Rocket! If the Narrator has his way - and I have no doubt he will - This battle should be fairly one-sided too, bringing up the traditional hero-vs-villian fight in the next round. Good luck, Cricket dude!

Hmph... is this the best they have to offer me? A puny little insect?
GIOVANNI used INSULT!
VSC was BURIED under an INCH of SALT!
Gah! Release me, foul fiend! I have faced worse than you!
Is that so? We'll see, insect! Go, Tauros!
GIOVANNI sent out his UBER-HACKED TAUROS!
Oi...
NARRATOR points to that GAMESHARK in your POCKET!
Er... Heh...
NARRATOR doesn't like CHEATERS!
Er...
Fight, ally Eve!
Go, EVE!
Even more pathetic! Tauros, Crystal Coat!
NARRATOR looks on in SUPRISE!
NARRATOR did not know such a move EXISTED!
TRGameshark. Brilliant design. Just Narrate, don't question.
TAUROS used CRYSTALCOAT!
TAUROS's COAT became DIAMOND!
TAUROS evolved into DIAMONDTAUROS!
DTAUROS's VALUE greatly rose!
Eve, use Mega Punch!
EVE PUNCHed MEGAn!
aka MEG!
aka MéLISSA!
Oi... >.<
NARRATOR eeps!
How'd she get here?
I dunno... Pokebattles cameo, happens all the time, dun have to make sense.
MéLISSA is NOT HAPPY about getting PUNCHED!
Non-Kawaii one... u_u
MéLISSA used PLUSHIFY!
EVE turned into EVEPLUSH!
^_^ Kawaiii!
MéLISSA used HUGGLE!
I don't want that thing in Dark, sorry.
DARKWEBMASTER used FLAMEPORTAL!
MéLISSA was returned to FLAMEVERSION!
EVEPLUSH was dragged along TOO!
NARRATOR sighs in RELIEF!
Use next pokemon?
That was a most disappointing defeat...but I have one that can destroy you! Go, Midgyoto!
THE ULTIMATE EVIL (except for Mélissa, of course) was UNLEASHED!
CROWD gasps in FEAR!
Wh-h-h-h-here did you get THAT?!
All of the Red Version dead come to Black Version! I have hunted for the most powerful... Midgyoto, use lowercase!
haha, u suck, lol
DTAUROS was THROWN BACK as if hit by a SMALL TRUCK!
No... Ultima Strike!
POWER was GATHERED for ULTIMASTRIKE!
Flood!
ur too weak
u suck
im too strong for you
ull never win
lol lol
die
die
die
die
DTAUROS was UNBALANCED by FLOOD!
DTAUROS continued charging!
Mocking laugh!
lol lol lol haha lol
No more, I beg of you... Unleash the power!
ULTIMASTRIKE was UNLEASHED!
UNSTOPPABLE UNBLOCKABLE INSTANT-KILL BEAM was SHOT at MIDGYOTO!
Yes... yes!
Attack missed!
Noooo!
haha lol
midgyoto was kicked from #outoftheway by NARRATOR (This thing must DIE)
MIDGYOTO died!
This fails to be just. We demand justice!
GREAT justice?
Yes!
ZIG was moved onto VSC's HEAD!
For great INjustice! >:P
Gah! What is this? I shall employ my strength to remove it!
STRENGTH was EMPLOYED!
VSC used STRENGTH!
ZIG was THROWN!
DTAUROS was nearly TRAPPED underneath!
Well done, strength!
STRENGTH demands PAY!
Err...
VSC has no MONEY!
STRENGTH feels CHEATED!
STRENGTH allied with DTAUROS!
VSC devolved into VERYCRICKET!
DTAUROS evolved into VERYSTRONGDTAUROS!
Err... this is not good. A hasty retreat is in order!
There's no running from a TOURNAMENT battle!
What?!
GIOVANNI grins!
Return, Tauros. I'll deal with this foolish bug myself.
Err...
GIOVANNI sent out GIOVANNI!
Err...
Come, fool. Let us see what you have.
Err...
You're nothing without your strength, are you?
Err...
VC ERRED!
VC made the ERROR of NOT NOTICING GIOVANNI's POKEBALL!
Press A rapidly to escape!
Err... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
VC was CAUGHT!
Hey...
VC just pressed A!
VC should have pressed 'A rapidly'!
VC sees the 'A rapidly' key!
VC wonders how he never noticed that before!
GIOVANNI wins!

Err... that was... one sided.
Biased.
Fast.
Okay... on with the next one then! The MBH's KB versus Black Version's Oaken Mecha!

KB dramatically appears in a BLINDING BURST of DARK LIGHT!
OAKEN MECHA dramatically LUMBERS into the ARENA!
KB swings SHADOW BLADE threateningly!
OAKEN MECHA FROWNS disapprovingly!
Lawyer, go!
Charmaggedon Go.
NARRATOR is disappointed at the lack of SMALL TALK!
No Need To Talk. Just Destroy. Destroy.
Err... what he said.
KB sent out LAWYER!
NARRATOR thinks it is FITTING to see a SHADOW ELEMENTAL send out such a SYMBOL of PURE EVIL!
You just wait 'til you see what it can do...
Err... okay... OAKENMECHA sent out CHARMAGGEDON!
O_O HOLY CRAP! WHAT IS THAT?!
Team Rocket Charizard. Evolved Battle #38. Discarded. Found By Oaks.
Gah... Can't you Oaks use proper grammar? I thought you were supposed to be smart.
Be Silent. Fight.
NARRATOR used POKEDEX!
Charmaggedon: Pokemon #666. Type: Fire/Ice/Electric/Flying/Dark. A giant, three-headed dragon of multiple elements. Its three heads are supremely intelligent, and its power is incredible. The only reason it's not a Doompuff Clone is that it's devolved form is not normally cute and fluffy and/or pathetically weak.
NARRATOR eeps!
Lawyer! Use... Court Case!
Charmaggedon. Tri Blast.
LAWYER used COURTCASE!
LAWYER began to COURT a CASE!
CHARMAGGEDON used TRIBLAST!
CHARMAGGEDON TRIED to BLAST LAWYER!
However, CASE jumped int the WAY in a DRAMATIC (ie, CORNY) SCENE of LOVE and SELF-SACRIFICE!
CASE died!
LAWYER was ENRAGED at his LOVE's DEATH!
NARRATOR thinks POKEBATTLES is getting WEIRDER by the UPDATE!
Impressive talk!
LAWYER was made DEAF by RAGE!
LAWYER didn't HEAR KB!
LAWYER used SATANIC POWERS!
...NARRATOR didn't know it could DO THAT! ...But isn't SUPRISED!
LAWYER drew a PENTAGRAM and LIT CANDLES and all that EVIL STUFF!
LAWYER summoned CASE's SPIRIT!
CASE is CONTENT!
LAWYER is CONFUSED!
CASE saved LAWYER's LIFE, and therefore feels it has fulfulled its PURPOSE in this BATTLE!
Hate To Interrupt. But This Is Battle. Fire Strike.
CHARMAGGEDON used FIRE STRIKE!
FIRE HEAD went on STRIKE and REFUSES to FIGHT!
Curses.
C'mon, Lawyer, Impressive Talk!
LAWYER used IMPRESSIVE TALK!
LAWYER managed to TALK CASE into RETURNING to the MORTAL REALM to help FIGHT!
CASE was thrown out at BLACK VERSION PORTAL!
LAWYER also made an IMPRESSION on CHARMAGGEDON!
LAWYER's SIGNATURE was IMPRESSED into CHARMAGGEDON's HIDE!
Double Team.
CHARMAGGEDON used DOUBLE TEAM!
Did he say Double?
And Team?
Prepare for Do... er, Trouble!
Make it Double!
JESS&LJSIMON were SLAPPED!
JESS&LJSIMON were MUTED!
JESS&LJSIMON were THWAPPED!
JESS&LJSIMON were FORCED TO SIT DOWN!
JESS&LJSIMON were RANDOMLY THROWN OUT OF THE STADIUM!
NARRATOR waves to SIDE NARRATORS!
Lawyer, Maniacal Laugh.
LAWYER LAUGHED at those MANIACS' ATTEMPT to INTERRUPT the thing!
Ice Strike.
ICE HEAD went on STRIKE and refuses to FIGHT!
You'd think it would LEARN...
Hmm... I've got an idea... Claim Ownership!
LAWYER claimed KB's SHIP to be a very nice VEHICLE!
Umm... I don't have a ship.
Oh... then LAWYER claimed OWNERSHIP of CHARMAGGEDON!
Impossible. Charmaggedon Is Ours.
LAWYER points to SIGNATURE!
So?
Do YOU have any PROOF of OWNERSHIP?
Computer Records. Pokedex Entry. Earlier Text Of Battle.
LAWYER wants to TAKE IT TO COURT!
No.
CHARMAGGEDON sits there, CONFUSED!
COURTROOM appeared!
JUDGE wants EVIDENCE!
LAWYER points to SIGNATURE!
JUDGE looks to OAKEN MECHA!
OAKEN MECHA looks UNCOMFORTABLE!
Check Computer Records.
JUDGE checked COMPRECORDS!
COMPRECORDS say that CHARMAGEDDON is PROPERTY of OAKENMECHA!
LAWYER says COMPRECORDS belong to OAKENMECHA and could EASILY be ALTERED!
Check Battle.
JUDGE looks at BATTLE!
JUDGE sees the TRUTH!
LAWYER is in TROUBLE!
Wait! Have a look at this!
KB gives JUDGE a copy of DVBATTLE#38!
JUDGE sees that CHARMAGGEDON belongs to TRFLUNKY!
JUDGE orders that CHARMAGGEDON be sent to TRTERRITORY immediately!
Yes! One down, two to go...
LAWYER was ARRESTED and TAKEN AWAY for ATTEMPTED THEFT and FRAUD!
Oh... well, go Director!
Hmph. I Choose Pidgeot.
KB sent out DIRECTOR!
OM sent out PIDGEOT!
Hmm... ordinary pokemon, I see. Director, Action!
DIRECTOR used ACTION!
GENERIC ACTION MOVIE CAST appeared!
GAMC ran by, SHOOTING, SCREAMING, and DAMAGING EVERYONE in the ARENA!
GAMC disappeared!
Pidgeot, AeroBlast.
PIDGEOT used AEROBLAST!
PIDGEOT BLASTed a CARAMEL AERO!
DIRECTOR's AERO!
DIRECTOR's LAST AERO!
DIRECTOR is ENRAGED!
Stunt Double!
DIRECTOR used STUNT DOUBLE!
...Nothing happened!
Sky Attack.
PIDGEOT used SKY ATTACK!
When SKY attacks! Available as soon as we finish filming it RIGHT NOW!
HUNDREDS of SKYLERCLONES appeared!
HUNDREDS of SKYLERCLONES attacked!
SIDE NARRATORS were KEPT BUSY fending them OFF!
Direct!
DIRECTOR used DIRECT!
A couple of SKYLERCLONES got THROUGH!
DIRECTOR DIRECTED them towards PIDGEOT!
SKYLERCLONES follow DIRECTION!
DIRECTOR is in their WAY!
SKYLERCLONES flew through DIRECTOR!
BLADES FIRST!
STUNTDOUBLE died!
DIRECTOR appeared!
Quickly. Fly.
PIDGEOT used FLY!
PIDGEOT was DISTRACTED by a passing FLY!
PIDGEOT was hit by SKYLERCLONES!
PIDGEOT was cut into THREE PIECES!
Yes! I won! Now, for the big thing itself...
PIDGEOT isn't FINISHED YET!
What?
PIDGEOT has yet to DIE!
Use Wrap!
DIRECTOR think's that's a WRAP!
PIDGEOT was WRAPPED in FILM!
PIDGEOT tried to MOVE!!
PIDGEOT fell to the ground - 'twould be face first, but he's already lost his head!
PIDGEOT died!
Fine. I Will Take You Myself.
OM sent out OM!
Director, use Cut!
Mwahaha. This Is Not The Time To Use That.
OM used UBER-ThisIsNotTheTimeToUseThat!
DIRECTOR faltered!
Oh no... Lights!
This Is Not The Time To Use That.
OM used UBER-TINTTTUT!
OM TINTed The TUT!
TUT was renamed LIGHTS!
How'd you get that?
NARRATOR doesn't KNOW!
NARRATOR just did it, because NARRATOR is running out of PUNS, FAST!
DIRECTOR used LIGHTS!
LIGHTS were TINTED!
It's not very effective...
DIRECTOR is getting DESPERATE!
Mecha Weaponry.
OM used MECHAWEAPONRY!
MECHAWEAPONS fired at DIRECTOR!
DIRECTOR prepared for OBLIVION...
DIRECTOR was hit by LARGE QUANTITIES of RYE BREAD!
Quickly, Director! Use this!
This Is Not The Time To Use That.
THIS is not the time to use THAT!
But THIS is THIS! Not THAT!
DIRECTOR used THIS!
THIS was a small EXPLOSIVE!
THIS was thrown at OAKENMECHA!
OAKENMECHA was fully DESTROYED!
Yay. ^_^
DIRECTOR was hit by RECOIL!
DIRECTOR fainted!
OAKXTRA clambers from WRECKAGE!
Oh well, this shouldn't be too hard...
KB sent out KB!
Hmm... screech!
OAKXTRA used SCREECH!
It's super DEAFENING!
Gah... Ears... Ringing... Shadow Blade!
KB used SHADOWPLAY!
Hey, that's not right...
NARRATOR thought KB was DEAF!
Your voice can penetrate any level of deafness, loud one.
True...
KB played with SHADOWXTRA!
SHADOWXTRA is having FUN!
OAK is suddenly STRUCK by a sense of SYMPATHY!
Awww... they're having so much fun... So Kawaii...
OAK was deemed unable to fight!
HAMMY wildly CURSED!
HAMMY punished OAK!
OAK spontaneously combusted!
OAK died!
HAMMY was SEVERELY REPRIMANDED by SEVERAL SIDE NARRATORS!
KB wins!

Well, that was a much more interesting battle than the first two.
Somewhat less biased.
Next... It's a faceoff between the Video Game Good Guy's hero Goku, and the Video Game Villian's Anti-hero Piedmon!

Hi!
GOKU used FRIENDLYGREETING!
It's super off-putting!
PIEDMON was mildly suprised!
Prepare yourself for war, fool. Go, Machinedramon!
PIEDMON sent out MACHINEDRAMON!
Hmm... that's a fairly big one...
GOKU should send out SOMETHING!
Okay... Piccolo, come out here!
GOKU sent out PICCOLO!
PICCOLO wants to FIGHT!
Now, Claw strike!
Piccolo, Eye lasers!
PICCOLO used EYE LASERS!
PICCOLO used LASER TARGETING SYSTEMS to LOCK ON to MACHINEDRAMON!
...It's not very useful! MACHINEDRAMON is REALLY REALLY BIG and EASY TO HIT!
MACHINEDRAMON locks onto LASER SIGNAL!
MACHINEDRAMON used CLAW STRIKE!
CLAWS struck PICCOLO!
In the EYE!
PICCOLO's HEAD was TORN OFF!
Oh god... What have I done?
PICCOLO used REGENERATION!
NEWHEAD was GROWN!
Huh?
Curses... It wouldn't be that easy... Dragon fire!
Oh... uh... Special Beam Cannon!
PICCOLO used SPECIAL BEAM CANNON!
CANNON was told that it was SPECIAL!
CANNON BEAMs!
MACHINEDRAMON was hit by the BEAM!
MACHINEDRAMON used DRAGONFIRE!
MACHINEDRAMON FIREd a DRAGON at PICCOLO!
DRAGON was renamed SHENLON!
Oooh... The eternal dragon... We can make a wish!
Amazing... such a powerful creature... it can grant wishes?
SHENLON wonders who SUMMONED IT!
Err... Nobody, I think.
I wish that Piccolo would die!
SHENLON is UNABLE to GRANT such a wish!
Hey, no fair!
Then I wish that I instantly win the tournament!
WISH was GRANTED!
No!
WISH was given to GRANT!
GRANT is confused!
GRANT hurt himself in his confusion!
DRAGONBALLS were RANDOMLY THROWN throughout THE NETWORK!
Wow... I never thought I'd appreciate this madness...
Curses! Machinedramon, Stomp that overgrown frog!
Piccolo! Scatter shot!
MACHINEDRAMON used FROGSTOMP!
FROGSTOMP appeared!
EVERYONE was REALLY CONFUSED!
FROGSTOMP ran away!
Who was that?
No idea.
PICCOLO used SCATTERSHOT!
PICCOLO pulled out an UZI!
PICCOLO SHOT!
EVERYONE SCATTERED out of the WAY!
PICCOLO laughed MANIACALLY!
Call that shooting? Machinedramon, Giga Cannon!
MACHINEDRAMON set up a CANNON at JOSH's after-tourney GIG!
JOSH was BLOWN AWAY!
JOSH died!
No... you monster...
Why does everyone in DBZ always say that?
Well... you are!
You do the same thing to us, and you don't consider yourselves monsters.
Huh?
You call everyone monsters for doing exactly what you do.
Umm...
GOKU was struck by a MORAL DILEMMA!
GOKU was KNOCKED FLAT!
Owww...
Machinedramon, finish it! Rage!
MACHINEDRAMON used RAGE!
MACHINEDRAMON is ENRAGED about MISSING the CONCERT!
MACHINEDRAMON unleashed its RAGE at the RESPONSIBLE one!
No, you fool, that's...
MACHINEDRAMON used SELFDESTRUCT!
...you.
MACHINEDRAMON fainted!
Damn... Puppetmon, your shot!
PIEDMON sent out PUPPETMON!
NARRATOR is RELIEVED! PUPPETMON has a MUCH SHORTER NAME!
Picollo, Pummel that wooden freak into the ground!
Puppetmon, Puppet Pummel straight back!
PICCOLO used PUMMEL!
PUPPETMON used PUPPETPUMMEL!
BOTH PUMMELLERS pummeled PUPPETMON!
Gah... Wires Choking!
WIRES flew out and CHOKED the KING!
...There ARE no kings in DARK VERSION!
So it went for the NEXT BEST THING!
...
DARKWEBMASTER teleported onto the FIELD, holding some WIRES in one hand and with a DANGEROUS LOOK in his eyes!
NARRATOR does not need to NARRATE what happened next!
ENTIRE CROWD FLINCHED and GROANED!
PUPPETMON... oh god... that's... *shudder*
PUPPETMON was REMOVED!
DARKWEBMASTER never did like that thing anyway!
PICCOLO was completely GROSSED OUT!
PICCOLO refuses to FIGHT!
I know how you feel, but...
PICCOLO ran like HELL!
PICCOLO doesn't want that happening to HIM!
Ah... Oh well, I've still got one more left. Trunks, attack!
GOKU sent out TRUNKS!
TRUNKS used ATTACK!
TRUNKS threw a TACK at PIEDMON!
PIEDMON got the TACK stuck in his SHOE!
Gah... ow, that hurts... why do I have to have such thin shoes...
PIEDMON sacrificed his TURN to get TACK out of SHOE!
No...
TURN was SACRIFICED to DARK MASTERS!
DARK MASTER's POWER greatly increased!
Dark masters... hey, that's me! Clown Trick!
PIEDMON used CLOWN TRICK!
PIEDMON attempted to do an amusing trick!
HACs cheer wildly!
PIEDMON was HAMPERED by the TACK in his SHOE!
Gah...
EVERYONE ROTFLMAO'd!
NARRATOR is laughing so hard it can barely hear!
Then... how are you still talking?
If NARRATOR could HEAR YOU, it would tell you that it's a TRICK of the TRADE!
Uh...
PIEDMON is confused!
It hurt itself in its confusion!
NARRATOR laughs harder!
GOKU is practically CRYING with LAUGHTER!
TRUNKS took this as an ORDER!
TRUNKS used CRY!
TRUNKS CRIED out a DRAMATIC and CORNY STATEMENT about how PIEDMON would be DEFEATED!
It's super BORING!
BOREDOM hit LAUGHTER!
Forces collided!
LAUGHTER won! EVERYONE is LAUGHING TOO HARD to HEED TRUNK's WORDS!
TRUNKS was DISENHEARTENED!
Grr... Trump Sword!
PIEDMON used TRUNKS' SWORD!
Uh... hey!
TRUNKS CRIED out in PROTEST!
TRUNKS attempted to GET HIS SWORD BACK!
PIEDMON and TRUNKS are FIGHTING!
TRUNKS is STRONGER!
TRUNKS got the sword!
TRUNKS waits for ORDERS!
GOKU is ROLLING around and STRIKING the GROUND in his LAUGHTER!
TRUNKS used ROLLING STRIKE!
TRUNKS rolled a BALL!
PIEDMON was STRUCK!
AMUSING ANIMATION appeared with BOWLING PINS etc!
TRUNKS won the BOWLING GAME!
TRUNKS got a TROPHY!
PIEDMON became JEALOUS!
Gah... how could I suffer such a crushing defeat?
PIEDMON suffered CRUSHING DA FEET!
Aarrgghh... I'm not sure which is worse, this pain or that pun...
PIEDMON fell, helpless, at TRUNK's FEET!
Please, sir... have mercy... I can change...
TRUNKS had MERCY!
NARRATOR gahs... must ALL good guys do this?
PIEDMON disappeared!
PIEDMON eMERged somewhere in the SEA!
PIEDMON drowned!
GOKU wins!

Hmph... good guys... anyway, next up, the evil Warcraft demon Kil'jaeden and the weird Cyber thingy Enigma!

Tournament Battle #5 May 19th, 2001
Players: Kil'Jaeden
                Enigma

Foolish mortal! You can never hope to stand up to the likes of me!
Actually, I'm immortal too.
...Damn.
A BATTLE of IMMORTALS! This should be INTERESTING!
Come before me, Demon Sorcerer Medivh! Crush this fool and his allies!
KIL'JAEDEN dramatically summoned MEDIVH!
Attack, Death!
ENIGMA dramatically summoned DEATH!
...It had no effect on DEATH!
DEATH died earlier!
Uh...
NARRATOR suggests you call OTHER MB HEROES!
NARRATOR wants this to be a GOOD FIGHT!
...I guess so. Who to pick, though? There's so many...
DARKWEBMASTER cringes!
DARKWEBMASTER thinks this sounds NOTHING like ENIGMA!
DARKWEBMASTER ehs!
NARRATOR randomly picked a MB MEMBER!
RAGNAROK KNIGHT!
...eh. Okay. Get over here, RK!
ENIGMA not-so-dramatically summoned RK!
Are you just about ready? Medivh, summon fire elementals to do the dirty work for you!
MEDIVH summoned FIRE ELEMENT Ls!
FIVE FLAMING L's are hovering in midair!
MEDIVH looks on in SHOCK!
FLAMING L's are now also CRACKLING with ELECTRICITY!
RK! Hit and Run!
RK used HITANDRUN!
RK HIT one of the L's!
L exploded POWERFULLY in a STORM of FIRE and ELECTRICITY!
RK started RUNNING AROUND, on FIRE!
Aha! Now shoot those other Ls at him too!
MEDIVH used SHOOT!
MEDIVH took SHOTS of the L's!
SHOTS were DEVELOPED!
SHOTS evolved into PHOTOs!
PHOTOs were SHOWN to L's!
L's LIKE the PHOTOS!
L's grabbed PHOTOS to get a closer LOOK!
PHOTOs burned!
L's used MOURNING!
MORNING appeared!
SUN appeared!
EVERYONE was BLINDED by the LIGHT!
Argh... so... comparitively bright... can't see...
No... the time of day, weakness...
CROWD are COMPLAINING!
DARK VERSION began to fall APART!
DARKWEBMASTER resorts to DESPERATE MEASURES!
DARKWEBMASTER dramatically summoned MIDGYOTO!
What? What sort of fool are you?!
Gah! Kill it!
lol son of an onion!
MIDGYOTO used SON OF AN ONION!
DARK VERSION now has a SUN of an ONION!
GIANT ONION floats in the SKY!
DARKWEBMASTER tossed MIDGYOTO onto the FLAMING L's!
L's exploded POWERFULLY!
MIDGYOTO died a HORRIBLE FLAMING DEATH!
EVERYONE's MORALE greatly rose!
RK used STOPDROPANDROLL!
TIME was STO...
...PPED!
NARRATOR looks at BATTLEFIELD!
NARRATOR tries to work out what HAPPENED!
MEDIVH's HEAD has DROPPED off, and has ROLLED across the FIELD!
RK is no longer on FIRE!
FIRE is hanging in an RK-SHAPE on the other SIDE!
Good work, Ragnarok! One down!
NARRATOR wonders when people will LEARN!
Huh?
Medivh! Fireball!
BEHEADED MEDIVH threw BALLS OF FIRE at RK!
Look out! Dodge them!
RK points out that BALLS of FIRE are small SCREWED UP BALLS OF PAPER set ALIGHT!
It's not very effective...
RK also points out that MEDIVH, lacking a HEAD, does NOT have VERY GOOD ACCURACY!
Okay... use SNEAK ATTACK!
RK cried out, LOOK BEHIND YOU!
...MEDIVH lacks a HEAD!
MEDIVH can't LOOK BEHIND HIM!
Death coil!
A DEATH ADDER coiled up nearby in the ARENA!
No effect on battle!
RK's attack continued!
RK used SNEAK ATTACK!
...it NORMALLY wouldn't have done ANYTHING, as DISTRACT failed!
But MEDIVH lacks a HEAD anyway, and still couldn't see ATTACK coming!
MEDIVH's HEALTH greatly fell!
Gah! Teleport!
MEDIVH used TELEPORT!
MEDIVH TELEPHONED a local PORT!
...PORT wants to know what MEDIVH wants!
MEDIVH has no HEAD!
MEDIVH can neither HEAR nor SPEAK!
MEDIVH used SILENCE!
PORT became ANNOYED!
PORT hung up!
...Why do I even bother to keep a headless warrior?
Now! Quickly! Double Kick!
RK used DOUBLEKICK!
RK KICKed MEDIVH's HEAD!
HEAD landed on SHOULDERS!
MEDIVH is DECAPITATED no more!
Ha! You fool! Fireball attack!
...RK's attack continues!
...damn.
RK KICKed MEDIVH's HEAD!
...[Insert random pun using the word AHEAD here]
MEDIVH used FIREBALLS!
MEDIVH has BALLS of FIRE!
...MEDIVH is in INCREDIBLE PAIN!
...ew... that's gotta hurt.
MEDIVH's MANHOOD fainted! Permanently!
MEDIVH ran away into the next DIMENSION in shame!
Choose next pokemon?
...Impossible! How could Medivh be defeated so easily?
Uh... For one thing, he didn't have a head.
Silent, foolish mortal.
Actually, I'm immort...
Yes, yes, I know, it's just it's expected, see? "Silence, foolish immortal" just doesn't have the same ring to it...
...right.
GUL'DAN appeared!
GUL'DAN will FIGHT for KIL'JAEDEN!
...oh. Uh... I sorta had a lesser demon planned...
GUL'DAN serves KIL'JAEDEN!
GUL'DAN demands to PROVE his WORTH!
...right. Go on, then...
Go, GUL'DAN!
Alright... RK! Use Sneak Attack!
RK cried out, LOOK BEHIND YOU!
GUL'DAN laughs!
GUL'DAN won't fall for that one!
Raise the dead!
GUL'DAN raised the DEAD!
MIDGYOTO's CORPSE is HANGING in MIDAIR!
...RK's attack continued!
RK snuck up BEHIND GUL'DAN!
GUL'DAN did NOT look behind him!
GUL'DAN was fully ATTACKED!
Curses... Gul'dan! Staff strike!
STAFF of DWMASTER's SCHOOL went on STRIKE!
DARK VERSION's BATTLE OUTPUT greatly rose!
RK! Time stream!
RK used TIME STREAM!
TIME STREAM was DIVERTED!
STREAM flowed BACKWARDS!
STREAM hit DEATH ADDER!
DEATH ADDER was thrown BACK IN TIME!
DEATH ADDER landed on DEATH!
GIANT SUM dropped on DEATH who was creeping up on a KNIGHT over in AZEROTH!
DEATH ADDER worked out SUM for DEATH!
DEATH is confused no more!
DEATH left to reward DA for saving his... uh... life? Death?
All notes of "DEATH is DEAD" in PREVIOUS BATTLES were changed to "User is currently N/A. You can leave him/her a message."
...NARRATOR didn't know DEATH used ICQ!
...But isn't suprised!
Death Blow!
GUL'DAN used DEATH BLOW!
GUL'DAN blew a KISS... of DEATH!
DEATH appeared!
DEATH took back his KISS!
DEATH glared at GUL'DAN!
DEATH gave KISS to DA as a GIFT!
DEATH is SATISFIED!
DEATH returns to his POST!
User is online...
Diversionary tactics!
RK looked at ENIGMA!
RK is CONFUSED!
...-_-;;; Say "Urrh... What's that?"
RK said, URRH... WHAT'S THAT?
JPG used LWMASTER LEGACY!
MOON landed on RK!
...oi! What the?
JPG apologizes!
It was an INSTINCTIVE REACTION to the sound of ASH's FAVOURITE PHRASE!
MOON vanished!
RK is in CRITICAL CONDITION!
He's weakened! Just punch him flat!
GUL'DAN used PUNCH!
GUL'DAN threw a JUG of PUNCH at RK!
The attack missed!
PUNCH flew everywhere!
SINGLE DROP of PUNCH hit RK in the EYE!
RK fainted!
...Okay, he didn't have much HP left.
NARRATOR points out that SINGLE DROP was 1.5 feet in DIAMETER!
And was FROZEN!
...
...
NARRATOR shrugs!
Send out next pokemon?
Right. NOW, Death go!
DEATH was DRAMATICALLY summoned!
DEATH looked at GUL'DAN!
DEATH skimmed back through previous battles!
DEATH realised GUL'DAN was responsible for his DEATH!
...Or something like that.
DEATH used DEATH!
GUL'DAN... died!
DEATH vanished!
...Okay, that didn't quite work as I planned.
WEBMASTER is in a HURRY!
TIME LEFT before NETWORK UPDATE greatly fell!
KIL'JAEDEN sent out KIL'JAEDEN!
ENIGMA sent out ENIGMA!
Aha! You will die now, puny mo-
Yeah, yeah, die puny mortal, I'm not a mortal, doesn't have the ring, JUST BATTLE!
Horn Blow!
KIL'JAEDEN used HORN BLOW!
KIL'JAEDEN blew HUNTING HORN!
HELLHOUNDS appeared!
Uh...
NARRATOR is in a HURRY!
Please be QUICK!
Shredder strike!
SHREDDER went on STRIKE!
TMNT SERIES fell to PIECES!
SOME ANIMATING COMPANY's BUDGET greatly fell!
Demon fire!
SOME ANIMATING COMANY fired a DEMON!
SAC's EVIL IDEAs greatly fell!
Uh...
WEBMASTER has NO IDEA what kind of attacks ENIGMA has!
This is NOT GOOD since he's in a BIG HURRY!
WEBMASTER polls IRC CHATROOM!
ENIGMA used HURTFUL ATTACK!
...I did?
YES!
ENIGMA threw a HURT FULL of TACKS!
...How much is a Hurt?
About as much as THAT hurt!
OWWW! Hellhounds! Attack!
HELLHOUNDS look at ENIGMA!
HELLHOUNDS see a LIVING PILE of STICKS!
...Oh, this can't be good.
HELLHOUNDS use CHASE!
Eep.
KIL'JAEDEN laughs EVILLY!
ENIGMA started RUNNING!
HELLHOUNDS used CHASE!
NARRATOR used FASTFORWARD!
HELLHOUNDS caught ENIGMA!
HELLHOUNDS tore ENIGMA to PIECES!
...Okay... So I win?
ENIGMA is still ALIVE and UNFAINTED!
Aaarggh, this HURTS!
...But my dogs are chewing on his remains!
SO? MEDIVH didn't have a HEAD!
...point.
NARRATOR suggests that ENIGMA will LOSE if he LEAVES the RING!
...That's a point. Back home, boys!
Gah! Nooooo! Let go of meee...
HELLHOUNDS ran away!
ENIGMA ran away!
KIL'JAEDEN wins!
 

The italian plumber all-around good-guy Mario, and the Black Army's gigantic Mega HAC MKII!

Tournament Battle #6 June 2nd, 2001
Players: Mega HAC MKII
                Mario

Destroy. Destroy.
MEGAHAC leveled SEVERAL WEAPONS of MASS DESTRUCTION at MARIO!
Eep-a! Not shoot-a Mario!
CONTENDERS should send out POKEMON first!
Yoshi! Attack-a it!
YOSHI, go!
YOSHI looked UP!
WA-A-A-AY UP!
YOSHI: Eep.
Destroy.
MEGAHAC sent out CAMOHAC!
Yoshi! Egg throw!
YOSHI used EGG THROW!
YOSHI incited CROWD into a RIOT!
CROWD used BOO!
CROWD pelted CAMOHAC with ROTTEN EGGS!
CAMOHAC's MORALE greatly fell!
MORE ALE fell on CAMOHAC's HEAD!
CAMOHAC is COVERED in ROTTEN EGG and CHEAP ALCOHOL!
...That-a worked.
Tommy Gun. Destroy.
CAMOHAC used TOMMY GUN!
CAMOHAC shot TOMMY!
CAMOHAC shot the OTHER RUGRATS!
RUGRATS were DESTROYED!
DARKWEBMASTER rejoices!
No effect on BATTLE!
Flutter kick!
YOSHI fluttered its EYELASHES!
YOSHI: Yoshi!
YOSHI used UBERKAWAII!
It's super effective!
CAMOHAC's DEFENSE greatly fell!
Blend in.
CAMOHAC used CAMO!
CAMOHAC melted into the background!
CAMOHAC is STUCK to the BACKGROUND!
CAMOHAC's MOBILITY greatly fell!
YOSHI's ATTACK continued!
YOSHI used FLUTTERKICK!
Hit ~23 times!
It's super DEVASTATING!
CAMOHAC's PERCENT greatly rose! By ~63%!
CAMOHAC dun look so good!
CAMOHAC is still stuck to BACKGROUND!
Grenade!
CAMOHAC used GRENADE!
CAMOHAC threw a GRENADE!
...Or at least TRIED TO!
GRENADE stuck to BACKGROUND!
CAMOHAC used EEP!
BACKGROUND was DESTROYED!
...Interesting, since it was NEVER THERE to BEGIN WITH!
CAMOHAC was BADLY DAMAGED... but FREED!
Now, Camoflague!
CAMOHAC used CAMOFLAGUE!
YOSHI can no longer SEE CAMOHAC!
Slurp & Burp!
YOSHI grabbed CAMOHAC with its TONGUE!
YOSHI ate CAMOHAC!
YOSHI burped!
Impossible. Camo Hac Invisible. How?
NARRATOR notes that CAMOHAC was covered in ROTTEN EGGS!
EGGS were still COMPLETELY VISIBLE!
YOSHI laid CAMOHACEGG!
YOSHI is getting SICK!
YOSHI ate LARGE QUANTITIES of ROTTEN EGGS!
Oh no... Quick, Tail Swipe!
YOSHI used TAIL SWIPE!
EGG was SWIPED by a RANDOM THIEF!
RANDOM THIEF was renamed THARVIAT!
THARVIAT turned TAIL and RAN!
...That's the second time that's happened. Who was that?
Yoshi, are you-a okay?
YOSHI turned GREEN!
It's not very effective...
MEGAHAC, Send out next pokemon?
Go. Prospector Pete Borg.
...NARRATOR is FAIRLY SURE PPB never made it BACK to BLACK/DARK VERSION!
Could you be bothered checking?
NARRATOR could NOT!
MEGAHAC sent out PPB!
Slurred Speech.
PPB used INCOMPREHENSIBLE SPEECH!
YOSHI didn't understand a WORD!
YOSHI hurt itself in its confusion!
Headbutt!
YOSHI used HEADBUTT!
YOSHI shoved his BUTT towards PPB's HEAD!
YOSHI was VIOLENTLY ILL!
YOSHI used DIAH... DIA... uh... THE RUNS!
PPB is REVOLTED!
Use Stick.
PPB threw up!
PPB does not feel so good...
USE STICK.
PPB used STICK!
Ha! You cannot beat Yoshi with a mere stick!
PPB did not BEAT YOSHI with a MERE STICK!
Ha.
PPB beat YOSHI with the POISON-COATED STEEL TIP attached to yon MERE STICK!
...ooh... Yoshi! Digestive Acid!
YOSHI used DIGESTIVE ACID!
PPB was soaked with STOMACH ACID and ROTTEN EGGS!
YOSHI was hit by RECOIL!
YOSHI's EUSOPHAGUS, THROAT, MOUTH, and TONGUE were BURNED AWAY!
You did well-a, Yoshi... I'm sorry you had to end up this way...
YOSHI remains unfainted!
O_O
YOSHI is feeling rather WOOZY!
YOSHI realises that, lacking above ATANOMICAL ITEMS, he is UNABLE to EAT!
YOSHI has no reason to LIVE!
YOSHI committed SUICIDE!
Many NINTENDO FANS were HEARTBROKEN!
NARRATOR doesn't CARE!
Send out next pokemon?
Go, my Princess! Fight that mecha fiend!
Go, PRINCESSPEACH!
PPEACH looks at PPB!
PPEACH: Oh, you poor man... look at you, covered in all sorts of nasty mess.
PPB is CONFUSED!
PPEACH: Come here, you, and I'll get you cleaned up!
PPB looks SHEEPISH!
PPEACH: I said come here! You'll get sick with all that weird gunk plastered all over you.
PPB tamely MOVES TOWARDS PPEACH!
PPEACH used FITFORAQUEEN!
PPEACH cleaned PPB up!
PPB looks at his shiny metal BORG-bits!
PPB: *sniff* Nobody's ever been nice to me before...
Fight Her. Kill her. She is the enemy.
PPB: I'm not fighting her. Leave her alone!
Bah. Return.
Yes-a! I'm one up!
MARIO used GREENSHROOM!
MARIO is ONE-UP!
MARIO got an EXTRA LIFE!
MEGAHAC sent out MEGAHAC!
Mario. You have a Problem.
Wha-mmpf? Mmppppfff!
Nya. Ha. Ha.
MARIO was GAGGED by MYSTERIOUS FORCES!
MARIO is UNABLE to SPEAK!
Prnnfeff! Hllp mm!
PRINCESS can't HEAR YOU!
MARIO's ATTACKERS appeared!
MMMMPPH! Mmph's mm...
MARIO's GAG was SLIGHTLY SHREDDED in ALARM!
Prinfeff!
KOOPA TROOPERS grabbed PPEACH!
It'f fa Koofas!
KOOFA appeared!
NARRATOR groans!
Not again! Twice in one battle!
KOOFA: Ooh, pretty coloured balls... kickick!
KOOFA used FOOTY KICK!
KOOPATROOPERS were SENT INTO ORBIT!
PPEACH was DRAGGED ALONG!
KOOFA ran away!
MARIO sent out MARIO!
It seems we are back where we began...
MEGAHAC levelled VARIOUS WEAPONS of MASS DESTRUCTION at MARIO!
Uh... Where's it's weak spot? Anything that big has to have a weak spot...
MARIO begins to LOOK for a WEAK SPOT!
Whatever you do... don't punch the end of my guns!
MEGAHAC used SORTA-PLEAD!
It's super effective!
MARIO was PULLED IN!
Aha! Brilliant... if bosses don't have an obvious weakspot, they'll reveal it themselves!
MARIO used BIGJUMPPUNCH!
MEGAHAC used POINTBLACKFIRE!
...
RESULT was super MESSY!
MARIO was VAPORIZED!
MEGAHAC wins!

Tune in next week for another tourname-
WAIT! I've got another life! I got it earlier in the battle! It's not ove-
MEGAHAC 'accidentally' stepped on MARIO!
MEGAHAC wins AGAIN!
MARIO was STRIPPED of EXTRALIVES!

Tune in next week for another tournament battle, I hope. O_o
 

Whee. Perfect Cell of the Bad Guys, Triple D of the Limbo Fighting Fishes! Go for it, guys!

Tournament Battle #7 June 8th, 2001
Players: Perfect Cell
                Triple D

Foolish human, you could never defeat one such as me!
...Ah yes, another stupidly overconfident villian...
What you say, human?
TRIPLED shrugs!
You have no chance to survive make your time?
I'll show you! Attack, my children!
PCELL sent out CELL JR!
Penguin-shoe! ATTACK!
TRIPLED sent out PENGUINa!
...
PENGUINa was renamed PINGUINO!
...Why?
NARRATOR shrugs! Just felt like it!
Tribeam!
CELLJR used TRIBEAM!
CELLJR TRIed to BEAM!
But it's not a HAPPY LITTLE JR!
It's FATHER is a MONSTER!
...What is this?
Aha, an opponent unsuited to the ways of pokebattles... Perfect.
What?
Pengu... uh... Pinguino! Drill peck!
PINGUINO used DRILL PICK!
Uh... That's not what I said.
Isn't it? Are you ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE that you DID NOT say DRILL PICK? Beyond ANY FORM of DOUBT?
...Yes.
Oh.
PINGUINO used DRILL PICK!
...Oi!
NARRATOR used NYAH >=P
PINGUINO PICKed up a REALLY BIG ELECTRIC DRILL!
PINGUINO grinned INSANELY and REVVED it!
...I'm not complaining.
Hmph. We fear no mortal weapon. Kamehameya!
CELLJR: Kaaaaa....
CELLJR began to POWERUP!
Power drill!
PINGUINO began to ADVANCE, grinning nastily!
CELLJR's attack continues!
CELLJR: Meeee...
PINGUINO used POWER DRILL!
It's rather MESSY!
PCELL had it DRILLED into his HEAD that POWER isn't EVERYTHING!
...My child! You will die now!
CELLJR is still standing!
CELLJR: Haaaaa....
...This place is weird...
Now! Fire Drill!
PINGUINO looked around!
PINGUINO shattered a nearby GLASS PLATE and PULLED the LEVER!
ALARMS rang out over the STADIUM!
FLAME DRILL!
SPECTATORS PANIC and RUN AWAY!
...Don't you mean Fire Drill?
No!
FLAME drill!
NARRATOR points at HOLE in SPACE-TIME THINGY!
FLAME PORTAL appeared, all fiery'n'dramatic'n'stuff!
SENKOUHI stepped out!
RAICHOUKOU stepped out!
MATT stepped out!
RDG stepped out!
EVERYONE screamed and ran away!
...I feel I should point out that I didn't give you permission to open my version to the general pokebattles universe...
Oh. Right.
ILLUSION faded!
It was nothing but a DRILL!
EVERYONE did VERY WELL! You'll be READY, should the DAY OF FLAME ever come!
EVERYONE grumbles and returns to their SEATS!
MATT gives DAMOS a FUNNY LOOK!
DAMOS recieved FUNNY LOOK!
DAMOS stored FUNNY LOOK in his STOREHOUSE!
...However, CELLJR and PINGUINO had LEFT the STADIUM!
Send out next creature of random destruction?
...Go!
PCELL sent out CELLJR2!
Fight, Rattie
Go, RATTIE!
...Hold on, TRIPLED doesn't HAVE that POKEMON!
DOUBLED has that POKEMON! He caught it LONG after YOU were CLONED from him!
...Thanks for letting me lend your pokemon, Double D!
DOUBLED: Hey, I don't remember...
VARIOUSLFFMEMBERS fwapped DD into SILENCE!
Fight! Final Flash!
Sniff!
CELLJR used FLASH!
...CELLJR lacks PANTS, or anything to FLASH, really...
RATTIE used SNIFF!
RATTIE isn't IMPRESSED!
RATTIE does not believe CELLJR will EVER make it to the FINALS of the FLASHING COMPETITION, especially against SABRINA!
...There's a FLASHING COMPETITION?
NARRATOR wants to know WHEN and WHERE!
...I'll tell you, if I win the competition.
NARRATOR is SORELY TEMPTED!
...DAMOS used DISAPPROVING GLARE!
Eep... NARRATOR will be GOOD!
Solar Flare!
CELLJR used SOLAR FLARE!
...ONION ignited!
EVERYONE was BLINDED!
Gah... can't... see...
...ONION burnt out!
Now! Power Punch!
CELLJR electrified the PUNCH!
PARTYPEOPLES became REALLY ANNOYED!
PARTYPEOPLES left!
HOST isn't really HAPPY!
HOST swears REVENGE!
...But HOST is in the NEXT DIMENSION OVER, and has no POWER!
EVERYONE is BLINDED no more!
Rattie, attack! Bite it!
RATTIE used BITE!
Eight numbers dropped on CELLJR!
CELLJR is confused!
This is foolish! I am obviously superior to this fool. Why can I do no damage?
You're the fool. We're in Pokebattles now. Power means nothing. In fact, the most dangerous creatures in this universe are often the cutest.
You mean... my child is not cute?
NARRATOR calls the COURT of KAWAII!
CELLJR stands before them!
I ask you, ladies, is this creature... Kawaii?
DEB examines CELLJR!
DEB: Blech. :( :( :(
DEB turns away, and gives a THUMBSDOWN!
KITTI examines CELLJR!
KITTI: Ew. XD You think that's CUTE?! Ew.
KITTI blanches, and RUNS AWAY!
MEGHAN examines CELLJR!
MEGHAN: Non-kawaii. Plushify!
Not enough PP for PLUSHIFY!
MEGHAN: >.< Another head, then!
MEGHAN used SABRE SLASH!
CELLJR was DECAPITATED!
MEGHAN: Whee. ^_^
COURT of KAWAII vanished!
...Must DARK continually leech off FLAME for LAUGHS?
Yup.
PCELL sent out PCELL!
My children... you die now, rat!
RAT died!
Yes!
RATTIE is ENRAGED at the DEATH of its BEST FRIEND!
...
Rage strike!
RATTIE's RAGE went on STRIKE!
RATTIE no longer wishes to FIGHT!
...Return. Go me.
TRIPLED sent out TRIPLED!
Special Beam Cannon!
CANNON was BEAMED to the ARENA, with some impressive SPECIAL effects!
Triple Team!
TRIPLED split into THREE!
D attacked!
D attacked!
D attacked!
CELL is in POOR CONDITION!
Zap Cannon!
CELL used ZAP CANNON!
CANNON was ELECTRIFIED!
Tri attack!
D's TRIED to ATTACK!
Hit TWO times!
D hit the CANNON!
D was FRIED!
D died a HORRIBLE SHAKING ELECTRIC DEATH!
D and D merged!
D&D evolved into DOUBLED!
...I feel like I'm missing a chunk...
NARRATOR points out that you're missing an ARM, a FOOT and part of your FACE!
...Yes, that would be it. Oh well, he'll be back soon enough... Black link and all that...
DOUBLED was renamed TRLED!
...Missing the IP. Great.
Destructo Disk!
DISK C: was DESTRUCTO'D!
LARGE QUANTITIES of VALUABLE INFORMATION was LOST!
Including DARK VERSION BATTLES!
And various other FICs of DAMOS!
...DAMOS is not really PLEASED!
PCELL is in REALLY BIG TROUBLE!
Eep.
TRLED used HIDE!
DAMOS used RIGHTEOUS RETRIBUTION!
CELL was reduced to ONE LIMB, HALF a TORSO, and 2/3 of a HEAD!
...Ow. I hate it when this happens. Regenaration!
CELL used REGENARATION!
TRLED was RESTORED!
...Damn this world!
Finish it! Hyper Beam!
TRIPLED grabbed an IRON SUPPORT BEAM!
TRIPLED went HYPER!
CELL was reduced to a GOOEY PUDDLE on the GROUND!
TRIPLED won!
 

And that's the last of the preliminary battles. Semi-finals can be found here.