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Recap: A Private Eye comes to inspect the scene of the Narrative crisis. The Narrator's memory appears wiped, however... Operators also appear to be standing BY! What could be driving them to do this???
Battle #71: Narration Investigation March 10, 2001
Setting: Pebble Tunnel Hospital
Player: Private Eye  [you have no chance to see the record make your time]

PRIVATE-I appeared!
G'day, maytch.
ASSOCIATE leads PRIVATE-I to OPERATING ROOM!
Sho da murder took playsh atcha operatin room...
OPERATORS are standing BY!
Ah, yesh. Can alwaysh count on doshe operatorsh...
PRIVATE-I enters OPERATING ROOM!
ROTTING CORPSE appeared!
GLOBS OF BLOOD appeared!
VITAL ORGANS appeared!
Good night!
MOON nods FAREWELL to PRIVATE-1!
GOODNIGHT MOON! ©1982-1991 Margaret Wise Brown!
Ah, er, good bye me lunar mate.
PRIVATE-I used GOOD BUY!
I thought I shaid good bye, not buy...
SAME THING!
PUBLIC MARKETING LUNATIC appeared!
Ah, er, g'day, mate...
PML deems PRIVATE-I a GOOD BUY!
Ah, sank you, sir... I theenk.
PML bought out PRIVATE-I!
What? PRIVATE-I is evolving!
PRIVATE-I evolved into PUBLIC-I!
Ah, er, ah...
NARRATOR reminds PUBLIC-I of the CORPSE, BLOOD, and ORGANS!
Ah, yesh...
I shall inshigate the inveshigation.
PUBLIC-I used INVESHIGATE....er, INVESTIGATE!
The attack continues!
Hmm....
The attack continues!
The attack continues!
The attack continues!
Hmm...
Hmm...
Hmm...
Ah hah!
I think can shed shome light on the shituation...
Take a look at dish line from the schene of the crime...
PUBLIC-I: To be continued...
PUBLIC-I: NARRATOR slips away!
ASSOCIATE stares at PUBLIC-I!
ASSOCIATE: But you didn't say anything!
Ah, er??
To be continued...

Recap: Private Eye and a hospital associate unravel some of the Narration mystery, and it seems an ursurper Narrator is involved as well as some annoying ASCII codes. And an old character on a farm notices something going on...
Battle #72: ASCII Strikes Back March 17, 2001
Setting: Pebble Tunnel Hospital
Player: Private Eye  [you have no chance to see the record make your time]
Note: The Impostor Narrator speaks in maroon .

ASSOCIATE: What did you find out?!
I told you!
PUBLIC-I:  NARRATOR slips away!
ASSOCIATE: ...
IDEA appeared!
IDEA floats above ASSOCIATE's HEAD!

Setting: Henchcow's Farm
Player: Henchcow

IDEA-TRACKER is beeping!
*Moo! What's this?*
IDEA spotted in PEBBLE TUNNEL HOSPITAL!
*MOO!*
HENCHCOW used TELEPORT!

Setting: Pebble Tunnel Hospital
Player: Private Eye

ASSOCIATE: Is it the font color?
Hmm.. perhapsh.
PUBLIC-I used FONT-COLOR CHANGE!
FONT-COLOR changed to RED!
PUBLIC-I: NARRATOR slips away!
Ah hah!
It musht be that another narrator wash here and it left!
NARRATOR nods!
NARRATOR used DESTROY!
IMPOSTOR NARRATOR was Destroyed...
Huh? Where's my narration? I mean... Narration. No!  Narration!
OLD NARRATOR was cast away!
IMPOSTOR NARRATOR appeared!
IMPOSTOR NARRATOR grabbed CAPS LOCK!
Narrator regained Narration!
Ahh! Narrator can't speak in Caps!
You...you are the one I wash talking about!
IMPOSTOR NARRATOR cackles!
Narrator is not sure Narrator can take This!
Aagh! You will diee!
IMPOSTOR NARRATOR wants to fight!
Impostor Narrator dies!
IMPOSTOR NARRATOR laughs in the FACE of your PUNY NARRATION SKILLS!
IMPOSTOR NARRATOR used ASCII-LATOR!
èh¿
äääääh¡¡¡
¥òû ôåf;¡
IMPOSTOR NARRATOR cackles in DELIGHT!
Ñöw Í çâñ öñl¥ §pëâk íñ ŧÇÎÏ¡
IMPOSTOR NARRATOR cackles!
äääääh¡¡¡
PUBLIC-I was renamed PÜßLÍÇ-Î!
Í çâñ't §täñd ŧÇÎÏ¡
PÜßLÍÇ-Î fainted!
IMPOSTOR NARRATOR wins!
Oh no!
ASSOCIATE: Aaaah!

Recap: Having nothing at all do with the Emerald plotline, Derek Jeter has a very screwed up baseball game at Shea Stadium. The Narrator doesn't make a great umpire, however.
Battle #73: Take Me Out To The Ballgame March 17, 2001
Setting: Shea Stadium
Player: Derek Jeter [0-0-0]

DEREK JETER is now UP!
The announcer is really weird sounding today.
AL LEITER used PITCH!
Wild PITCH appeared!
If it's a wild pitch, I won't swing.
PITCH was renamed CALLED STRIKE!
But you said it was a wild pitch!
It WAS!
Wild pitches are always balls!
NARRATOR is confused!
It hurt MIKE PIAZZA in its confusion!
MIKE PIAZZA: First I get pummeled by the fat man with the broken bat, and now I'm getting punched in the damn face by a disembodied a**hole!
RSACi CLOUD appeared!
ROGER CLEMENS is angry at being called FAT MAN!
ROGER CLEMENS: Shaddap, ya b******!
RSACi CLOUD is gradually MOVING CLOSER!
ROGER CLEMENS used BEANBALL!
MIKE PIAZZA fainted!
ROGER CLEMENS ran away!
RSACi CLOUD follows!
BUD SELIG is in close pursuit!
AL LEITER stares!
*sigh* Just pitch, Al.
AL LEITER used PITCH!
WILD PITCH appeared!
Okay, since before it was a strike, I'll swing.
DEREK JETER used SWING!
The attack whiffed!
But before, you said...
THAT was a Wild PITCH!
THIS is a WILD PITCH!
...You just said the same thing, twice.
NARRATOR shakes its HEAD!
That... thing has a head?!
NARRATOR shakes its HEAD; NO, it doesn't have a HEAD!
?!?!?
DEREK JETER is confused!
It hurt itself in its confusion!
Is there any reason why I just kicked myself in the head?
YOU were confused!
I was?
YOU had hurt yourself in its confusion!
What in the blazes?!
DEREK JETER is confused!
It hurt itself in its confusion!
Ow...I think I just snapped my leg in half.
DOOMPUFF appeared!
DOOMPUFF: DOOM! SNAPPING STUFF IN HALF IS MY FRICKIN' JOB! JIGGLY DEATH!
DOOMPUFF used JIGGLY DEATH!
DEREK JETER is about to be MAIMED to a BLOODY MESS!
A-ROD appeared!
A-ROD: I'll save ya, pal!
A-ROD used 252 MILLION DOLLARS!
*gasp* Alex, that's not gonna help!
DOOMPUFF used JIGGLY STEAL!
DOOMPUFF stole 252 MILLION DOLLARS!
DOOMPUFF ran away!
Wow! You sacrificed your money for me! Thanks a lot, A-Rod.
A-ROD: You wouldn't've had a chance without me, ya puny weakling! Muhahahahaha!
A-ROD runs off to make DEGRADING COMMENTS about DEREK JETER in ESQUIRE MAGAZINE!
*sigh* I'll never understand him...
AL LEITER used PITCH!
Wild PITCH appeared!
That seems to be one  of the good pitch variety, I'll take a swing.
DEREK JETER used SWING!
Critical hit!
HOME RUN!
Yeah!
DEREK JETER slides HOME!
DEREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK JETER wins!
John Sterling with an attitude.
DEREK JETER fainted!
*sigh* I thought it was a compliment.
Oh, SHUT UP!
Hehe...

Post feedback on Emerald Version Battle #73: Take Me Out To The Ballgame

Recap: A new battle. Mr. Fun, the ringmaster of the Emerald Version Circus, must confront his ring, which appears to be rebelling!
Battle #74: He's Not Horatio! October 27, 2001
Setting: The Circus
Player: Mr. Fun [0-0-0]

Welcome, one and all, to Mr. Fun's Circus #1!
I am Mr. Fun, the ringmaster! Hehuhehehuh!
Ring! Float in midair so Trapeeze Man can ride through!
RING is on strike!
RING: Better paying conditions! No more elephant dung!
RING wants to fight!
RING sent out CIRCUS ELEPHANT!
Hehuhehee! Go, Fried Dough!
Go, FRIED DOUGH!
Use your Sugar Smack Attack!
CIRCUS MUSIC began to play!
FRIED DOUGH is dancing around!
o.o;
FRIED DOUGH used SUGAR SMACK ATTACK!
SUGAR...SMACK...ATTACK! Yeah, yeah!
SUGAR!
SMACK!
ATTACK!
No effect!
What the hell?
CIRCUS ELEPHANT used TRAMPLE!
Fine, go Shaq the Clown!
The enemy's HUGE! Go, SHAQ THE SAD CLOWN!
Shaq! Time for your Red Nose attack!
SHAQ is depressed!
SHAQ: And in this harsh world draw thy breath in pain...
SHAQ used DRINK instead of REDNOSE!
SHAQ drank a CUP of POISON!
Why'd you do that?
SHAQ: O! I die, Horatio; The potent poison quite o’er-crows my spirit...
Huh? I'm not Horatio!
SHAQ died!
He WHAT?
SOAP OPERA PERSON appeared!
SOAP OPERA PERSON: Horatio, you unfeeling imbecile, don't you have any empathy?
I'm not Horatio!
SHAKESPEARE appeared!
SHAKESPEARE: Horatio, art thou a fool? Thee is not saying the lines!
I'M NOT HORATIO!
BULLY appeared!
BULLY: Horatio, Horatio, nah nah!
I'M NOT HORATIO!!!
MR. FUN fumes!
SIRCAM appeared!
SIRCAM: Horatio I send you this file in order to have your advice
I'M NOT...

<Ditto36> HELLO SIR[CAM]!

AAAH!
MR. FUN ran away!
RING ran away!
DITTO36 wins!
DITTO36: Cookies!
...
DITTO36: COOOOOOOOOKIES! ><
Uh... DITTO36 got some COOKIES!
DITTO36: ^^
IMPOSTOR NARRATOR: Nyahahahaha...

Post feedback on Emerald Version Battle #74: He's Not Horatio!

Recap: This battle proves that the dentist is most definitely not your friend. Observe.
Battle #75: The Dentist of Death October 27, 2001
Setting: Dentist's Office
Player: Billy Bob [Record unknown *bum bum bum*]

BILLYBOB goes to the DENTIST!
Yup.
BILLYBOB walks up to RECEPTION DESK!
DENTIST: Welcome to our Dentist's Office! We can clean your teeth to perfect, uh, whiteness. Shall we clean your teeth?
Yup, please do.
Doo doo doo-doo doo!
DENTIST: Your teeth are...er, chewing fit. We hope to see you again!
DENTIST: That'll be ¥800000000, a piece of lint, and your eternal soul.

<Ditto36> And a cookie! ^^;

I don't have that much!
DENTIST: Then you will be...

*** DENTIST is now known as DENTISTRATOR

DENTISTRATOR: ...dentistrated.
...Is "Dentistrator" even a word?
DENTISTRATOR: Shaddap. If it's not, then....well, it is!
I don't think so.... Unless your real name is "dandyish."
DENTISTRATOR is angry!
DENTISTRATOR wants to fight!
Uh, go Pencil!
Go, PENCIL!
Pencil, use your doodle attack!
PENCIL drew a DOODLE!
DOODLE was of PORTAL!
PORTAL to NSHADOW appeared!
SEAL came out!
PENCIL DOODLED a MOUSTACHE on SEAL!
Heehee...
SEAL is enraged!
SEAL ran away!
DENTISTRATOR used NOVOCAIN MISSILE!
Critical hit!
It's super numbing!
DENTISTRATOR used TOOTHPASTE BOMB!
Critical hit!
BILLYBOB is smothered in CREST™ TOOTHPASTE!
Mmmmf!
DENTISTRATOR used FLOSS EVERY DAY!
BILLYBOB flossed EVERY DAY!
DENTISTRATOR used MOLAR POWER!
It's super effective!
BILLYBOB has MOLARs lodged in its FOREHEAD!
Ow dis reawy 'urt! He nopt paying by da roo'!
BILLYBOB's SPEECH is rendered unintelligible to NARRATOR by the NOVOCAIN!
BILLYBOB fainted!
DENTISTRATOR reverts to DENTIST!
DENTIST: Y'all come back now.
DENTIST wins!
IMPOSTOR NARRATOR grins nastily...

Post feedback on Emerald Version Battle #75: The Dentist of Death