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Battle #11: Super
Mario Brothus
Date: Feb
18th, 2001.
Author: Duo
Player: Super
Mario Brothus (Aqua = Mario, Lime = Luigi)
MARIO is SITTING on COUCH!
COUCH is ANGRY!
Heyo Mario mah man, why don'tcha c'mup stairs and check out my Voodoo Doll collection man it is so tight.
COUCH ate MARIO!
Mommamia, y'know?!
COUCH spit out MARIO!
I'ma comin' Luigi.
Alright, get your black *** up he'e.
He'e weh go!
MARIO went to see LUIGI'S VOODOO DOLL COLLECTION!
Woah, it's Bowser, the big bad koopa foo'.
Luigi, why di'nt ya tell me 'bout dis crap earlier!?
I ain't knowin' you w'nt'd to see dis stuff man!
MARIO pushes pin in BOWSER!
Location: Bowser Castle
BOWSER: I've gotcha fer shore, FER SHOOOOooRE, now pri'cess. Bwahaha.
Sure you do, you have the same chances of catching the princess as I have of getting a date with Carmen Electra.
BOWSER exploded!
See?
BOWSER: Fungah! Foil'd 'gain!
Muha!
Location: Mario's Pipe House 'gain.
Well, wha's dis?
Das mah RobbayMVayB Voodoo Doll.
Who's da RobbayMVayB?
Well, just stick da pins in it.
A'ight.
MARIO stuck PINS in ROBBYMVB DOLL!
SCREAMING is HEARD from a nearby CLOSET!
ROBBYMVB fainted!
Oh my Gawd! You killed Ke- er... Robby!
You dastardly-deed-doer!
..oy.
Why izzare dat screamin' and stuff?
Oh, I lock'd RobbayMVayB in mah closet fer safe
keepin'.
So who is dis RobbayMVayB, aneyway?
COUCH is seen WALKING up STAIRS!
WOOAH! No time fer talkin'! Lookit whatcha dun, foo'!
Zzz..
Mario! Wake up!
I'm up man, I'm up!
Yo, wazzaa?
Nuttin G, just watchin' da couch, havin' a Duff.
...WAAAAZAAAAAAAAA!!!
WAAAAAAAAZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
..AAAAAAA..
..AAAAAAA..
...AAAAAAAAAAAA.....
AAAAAAAA...
AAAAAAAAAAAAA.....
...what are we screaming 'A' for?
I dunno...
..oy.
COUCH wants to FIGHT!
Urr' man, what's it gonna do to us?
It's a couch, wha' kin it do?
W'll it et me earli'h.
COACH ate MARIO!
Coach? Couch^
Er.....couch^
Narrator made an error?
YAY! I'm the first to point out a mistake on the STORM VERSION NARRATOR!
...uh. Right.
...Of course I'll carve my name on your forehead.
..oy.
That's three '..oy.'s so far, you gonna say anything else?
COUCH ate MARIO!
Ah f888! Luigi he'p out.. yo'r just sittin' 'round.
RSACI CLOUD appeared!
RSACI CLOUD zapped COUCH by ACCIDENT!
RSACI CLOUD disappeared!
What? COUCH is...de-evolving!
COUCH de-evolved into CRIMSONKING!
..oy.
GAH! Say something else, Mighty Kitey!
CRIMSONKING: I have something to say.
CRIMSONKING Read my black jeezus battle?
..Yeah! It was great! Hey, check out the tournament page real quick!
CRIMSONKING looked the other way!
JASON opped DUO!
*** CrimsonKing was kicked from #battle by Duo (Go off and read your life sentence some more.)
Whew..
Wha' was dat 'bout?
Mario!?
AAAA! I f'rgot! The COUCH ATE MARIO!
..oy.
My...Super Mario Brothuh.
LUIGI picks up PRINCESS DOLL and WALKS AWAY!
Battle #12: Peer
Pressure
Date: Yesterday.
No, really. (Real Date: February 25th)
Author:
Sheep
Player: Sheep
of Doom
Aha! My download is finished!
SHEEP'S download is FINISHED!
I've heard nothing but good things about mIRC...must put to the test.
SHEEP starts up mIRC!
Aha, right. 'Connect', please.
Connecting to adastra.esper.net!
Unable to Connect (We don't like you)!
...huh? Okay, let's try again.
Connecting to adastra.esper.net!
Connected!
Hmm...it would appear adastra decided to like me...
Right, now, let's see here, '/join #stormcharacters' please.
#stormcharacters - Sarah_Bellum Bill_Hodgkins
Aha, hello fellow characters!
PEER wants to fight!
What? Peer? Who's that?
PEER: "I am the PEER!"
That's very informative.
PEER: "I come to reset your connection!"
No! Not my connection!
PEER: "There's nothing you can do. I am the TRUE master of IRC. All bow before me!
Not me! There's no way you'll ever disconnect me!
PEER used DISCONNECT!
SHEEP has quit IRC (Connection reset by peer)
...drat.
I must connect again!
Connecting to adastra.esper.net!
Unable to connect (Connection timed out)
What? No!
It's all that Peer's fault...
...I'll show him!
SHEEP looks in PHONE BOOK!
He's got to be in here...
...aha! A Mr. A Peer! I wonder what the A stands for...
Arthur.
Arthur?! The TRUE master of IRC has a first name of Arthur!?
Yes.
...oh...
Anyway, he lives at Masters Lane. I have to have revenge!
3 days later...
Aha! I'm finally here! That was easy!
It took you 3 days to find a street that was opposite where you live. At one point you went all the way around the version and back to your house, whereupon you walked inside and tried to order a pizza. You spent 6 hours in another version, which you thought was a different part of town. You found your way here when I gave you explicit instructions, down to which foot to move. It was hardly easy.
Yea, whatever, let's get this going.
SHEEP enters MASTERS LANE!
Weird name...
THIS is the street where all the TRUE masters live!
Ah, I see. Hey look, there's Shadowy Figure from the latest Red Version fanfic! Hello Shadowy Figure!
SHADOWY FIGURE: "Get offa my lawn."
Er...right.
Ah, here we are, Number 666...hey, I thought there was only 20 houses on this street...how strange...
NARRATOR slapped it's head in it's despair!
SHEEP knocked on DOOR!
DOOR to HOUSE opened!
PEER: "Who in the hell are you?"
...I'm not in hell...
PEER: "Didn't you see the number? You are now."
...oh.
Anyway, I wanna fight with you! You reset my connection!
PEER: "I reset a lot of peoples connections."
Shut up. I wanna fight!
SHEEP wants to fight!
SHEEP sent out TOASTER!
PEER sent out PEER!
Toaster! Try a Pop Tart Throw!
TOASTER used POP TART THROW!
Select flavour?
Um...Apple & Cinnamon?
APPLE & CINNAMON POP TART was thrown!
PEER's text became apple coloured!
...oh, that's a very innovative way to give me a text colour.
PEER used DISCONNECT!
TOASTER was DISCONNECTED!
From the wall!
Gotcha.
TOASTER was never attached to the wall!
...what?
TOASTER is one of those toasters that plugs into the OVEN!
...dang.
Aha! Okay, Toaster, House Fire!
...I don't believe it. I honestly don't believe it. He's used that attack...six times now?
TOASTER used HOUSE FIRE!
SHEEP'S HOUSE is on fire!
PEER'S HOUSE is on fire!
Ah! My house! What have you done?!
...I've set your house on fire...don't you listen to the narration?
ARG! Quickly, out out out!
SHEEP and PEER vacated the HOUSE!
HOUSE burned down to the ground!
...my house...I had all my connection resetting utilties in there! Everything I needed to torture IRC users...it's gone!
Ha ha.
Don't laugh at me!
I laugh in the face of danger.
Danger? You think I'M danger?! MWAHAHAHA! YOU HAVEN'T SEEN ANYTHING YET!
...wha?
PING appeared!
Ping! My valued companion!
What the? Ping?!
PING: "I am the PING!"
...you sound a lot like your friend here...
Ping, please, this guy killed my house! He must be stopped!
PING: "You killed his house?! Now you shall feel the meaning
of TRUE pa-"
AAAH! STOP IT WITH THAT QUOTE! IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY!
...yes it is. It RULES.
Uh...right. Anyway, I wanna fight!
SHEEP wants to fight!
Ping! Take my green text!
Thank you!
...that was confusing...
Uh huh.
PING wants to fight!
Go, Worm3!
Feel the wrath of Pong!
SHEEP sent out WORM3!
PING sent out PONG!
Ping?
Pong!
...what the...
...I have no idea...
Worm3! Super Sheep!
Pong! Use...pong!
WORM3 used SUPER SHEEP!
Sheep is super! Thanks for asking!
...D'oh.
PONG used PONG!
...
...
...
...did it DO anything?
No.
Hmm. Strange. Anyway, Worm3, try an Air Strike attack!
WORM3 used AIR STRIKE!
PONG was struck!
PONG ponged out of existence!
...terribly imaginative. Damn, why didn't I think of that. 'ponged out of existence'. Well, that's just the peak, the pinnacle of writing achievement.
Smeg off.
Grr. I shall have to send out myself! But beware, for now you shall feel the
meaning of-
NO. NO NO NO NO NO. NOT ANOTHER WORD.
...Fine.
PING sent out PING!
Worm3, return.
SHEEP withdrew WORM3!
Use Timeout!
Try...um...do I have any attacks?
PING used TIMEOUT!
[22:02] <TravisH> hurry up and finish the battle sheep, only have about 20 minutes
20 minutes passed!
BATTLE timed out!
View/Post comments on this battle.
...what the hell...
You know full well you have about 18 minutes left.
Oh..fine.
PING used TIMEOUT!
GRAVEL timed out!
Damn! Missed!
Okay...I'll use...STUPIDITY! That's the best attack of all!
SHEEP used STUPIDITY!
PING used TIMEOUT!
SHEEP timed out!
No I didn't! I refuse to believe I did!
...yes you did...look...
NO I DIDN'T.
Hm. Fine. Narrative Theory. He is too stupid for me to narrate correctly.
SHEEP didn't timeout!
Me, use...oh, hell, um...BASH WITH LARGE STICK!
PING was bashed with large stick!
PING...disappeared...died...fainted...got hosipitalized for using white-out in a weird way...drowned...got squashed...fell off a randomly appearing cliff...
...Someone get the Narrator a bed. He seems tired.
PEER was given back his green text!
WE WILL MEET AGAIN, SHEEP! AND ON THAT OCCASION, YOU SHALL FEEL THE MEANING OF TRUE-
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
PEER was knocked unconscious!
Yay!
Ugh...I'd better escort you home, right Sheep?
I sure as hell can't find the way by myself.
Okay. It's quite simple. First, put your left foot out in front.
Got it.
No, that's your right.
Oh...
That's still your right. Try the other one.
...that was NOT the other one.
I thought it was.
It wasn't. Okay, so just move the foot.
...like that?
YES! Okay, now the other one.
Wow, isn't it great? He's taking his first steps...
Looks like he's taking the first steps to becoming a man.
I think he's following in my footsteps.
AH! BAD PUNS!
I was only following my co-webmaster's instructions. Step by step.
AAAAAH! LET ME OUT!
View/Post Comments on this battle.
Battle 13:
PLOTLINE: BIGGER, LONGER AND UNCUT.
Date: 28th February
01
Author: Kite
Player: Buddy
..what a crappy rpg...
3 weeks, no battles, no hints, no clues, just...walking....
Setting: Storm
Version Staff Meeting Room KITE!
Shhhh, Goku's about to die for the 100th time.
WHY has Buddy been doing nothing but walking around for the last 3 weeks? Didn't you set up a plot or some enemies or something?!
...Goku's been fighting the bad guy for the last week...can't miss a bunch of people flying around and grunting alot....for the last few weeks, big dbz
marathon...
OY!
DO SOMETHING!
...what? You want me to actually write or something? Come on, I joined Storm to take a break, so I am taking a break, I am after all of liquid fame, why should I be forced to write for such a puny site?
...if your ego was battle quality we'd be at #1 by now
...SHEEP! NOW YOU MADE ME MISS SOMEONE BEING REVIVED MY A DRAGON BALL!
...where's Duo anyway?
...I think his last brain cell died off last week from too much DBZ
DUO is DROOLING!
oooOOH, KAAAAAAAAAAAMEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAMEEEEEEEEEHA!
...How could you let that happen to Duo, Kite?
...I dunno, with no brain cells he was just about as smart as
Goku, so I just kept him that way.
Alright, alright, get off mah back...lemme toss something
together...umn...
Setting: Midly vegetated area where most people return
...wtf?
...storm doesn't have the money for a grassy field of no return...nor do we have copyrights...
...whatever...
BONZAI PLANT appeared!
huh?...oh, we must not have the money for a tree either...great, what DO we have money for?
...big screen t.v., coffee maker, lazy boy recliners...
So you wasted all your money on the staff room?
Pretty much.
You know, I'm more and more resenting signing that contract...
Hey, baby, you're a star! You know how much some people put into being a star?
...but, I don't get paid...
Just do your job or you'll owe us so much that you'll have to ask people who invested in pets.com for money.
Eep! Fine, bring it on!
BUDDY sent out PIKACHU!
BONZAI sent out
BONZAI!
PIKACHU needs FOOD badly!
Ugh...umn...gah, forget to feed my pokemon...oh, hey, eat the bonzai!
PIKACHU used EAT!
PIKACHU ate the
BONZAI!
BONZAI fainted!
BUDDY wins!
Wahoo!
...gah, that was too quick....
...hmn, Buddy needs an ally...someone to screw things up for him...
HIPPY appeared!
HIPPY was given GREEN TEXT!
Whoa, the colors! Sweet!
Dude!
Sweet!
DUDE!
SWEET!!
DUDE!!
STOP THAT!!!
...sorry, guess we got carried away...
...alright, well...gah, I dun feel like writing a plot line...
Come on, Kite! WRITE!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH...
...is Duo....powering up?
...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH....
...umn...
DUO was renamed DUOSJ!
...umn...wtf? He went super saiyen...
Aha, Buddy, we meet again...
...umn?
Dude, I can see his aura...
What happened?
I think too much DBZ has altered his mind...
Now you shall know the true meaning of...
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
...shut up Kite, this is between me and the l fighters!
....l fighters?
Hippy and Buddy
Oh, liquid fighters, I get it...fine, go ahead and fight em, we'll, umn, consider you a boss or something...
DUOSJ sent out SUOSJ!
BUDDY sent out BUDDY!
HIPPY sent out HIPPY!
DUOSJ use DRAMATIC POSTURING!
...nice pose...what's it susposed to do?
Classic dbz fighting style, you can't have a fight without dramatic posturing and cool camera angles...
...why?
Too make the battles drag on weeks on end, of course!
That's, umn, stupid....
That's dbz!
....oh, ok....
BUDDY used SWORD DANCE!
NARRATOR is OUT OF JOKES for SWORD DANCE!
NO EFFECT!
Blast...
...hmn, umn, I'll use freebase attack!
HIPPY used FREEBASE!
DUOSJ stole FREBASE!
All your freebase are belong to us!
BAD JOKE!
JOKE was CRAMMED into RESESSESS of HAMMERSPACE!
Let's hope we never have to sink back to that level again....
Totaly
Hah, your turns have all been used, as your turns to use have been used up. My power level is so much greater than yours you could not comprehend my power unless you were to survive another season.
...you know, I may be stoned out of my gorde, but I don't think that speach made any sense...
It's not just you hippy...
DUOSJ used KAMEHAMEHA!
KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...................
...umn, shouldn't he have attacked my now?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.......
...he's powering up his attack....it sometimes takes a full 30 minutes to power up a good attack...
MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE..........
So, why don't we like, attack or something?
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE........
my thoughts exactly....
...attack in the middle of a power up?! Why, that breaks all the rules of a good anime!
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.............
....this isn't anime...
...is it?
HIPPY and BUDDY ponder their VERY EXISTANCE!
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.....
...do we really exist, or are we just the imagination of the webmaster? I mean, I seem to have a memory...
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
....I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!
KITE slipped BUDDY PROZAC!
It's super effective!
MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.........
I can see clearly now! Yes, my existance has been justified!
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.......
JUST ATTACK
BUDDY used MEGA-PUNCH!
HAAAAAAOOOOOOOF!
It's super effective!
DUOSJ fainted!
You may have defeated me now, bu I will come back again...and again...AND AGAIN!
...thought you were fainted...
Oh, right, sorry.
...what now?
Now, we find the portal back to liquid!
...dude...do we really want to go back there?
What do you mean?
...we were both subject to redicule there, here, well, we're not picked on weekly...and my house hasn't blown up once..
...I'm going back. You can stay here if you like, but I have a duty to do!
then we part ways.
THAT may have been the most SERIOUS thing HIPPY has ever said.
...well, I've been clean for...10 minutes now...of course I'm gonna sound lucid.
HIPPY ran away!
Good ridance, now let's see here...wait, I see it!
BUDDY found SHRINE!
How very perceptive of you narrator...
NARRATOR is HERE TO PLEASE!
...and how many times have you pleased?
Maybe CHARACTERS aren't PLEASED, but FANS certainly are!
Oy...let's see here...a peice of paper?!
PLAQUE!
....paper...
...IT'S A PLAQUE!
...no, it's a piece of ruled paper with some words scribbled on it....oh don't tell me they didn't have the money for a PLAQUE!
The cappacino machine was worth it.
bah....let's see here....
PLAQUE READS: HE WHO SPEAKS THE NAME OF THE ALMIGHTY ONE SHALL BE ALLOWED TO PASS INTO THE NETWORK.
Umn..Mr. Kite?
...good enough for me.
feeding a webmaster's ego will get you everywhere ^_^
PORTALS opened!
Whoo...the network, shiny...wow, I could go anywhere right now...but, I have a job to do.
BUDDY jumps into LIQUID PORTAL!
Kite, you told us that there WERE no more portals to liquid
...I didn't...hey, what's going on here?
...guess we'll send the narrator in after him
...YOU'RE NOT SENDING ME IN THAT PORTAL! WE DON'T KNOW WHERE IT GOES!
Exactly why we're sending in a narrator, you're expendable.
EXTRAS ARE EXPENDABLE!
...well, a version only gets so many extras, you can have as many narrators as you want.
NOT TRUE!
Come on, be a man!
...NARRATOR is UNSEXED
...*snickers* where's Russ when you need him?
...PERVERT...anyway, YOU know what I mean!
Not true, your James of Team Rocket!
...you suck....
*** NARRATOR was kicked by MrKite15 (Bai-bai)
*** NARRATOR has joined
#liquid_portal
Setting: Portal World
...where am I? Shouldn't I have reached liquid by now?
...I don't know...the swirling lights...
...where's the odd text?
...I'm little more than a character right now...
Oh, you're scared aren't you
I...*ahem*I'm NOT scared!
..right...
PORTAL MAN appeared!
..where are we?
PORTAL MAN: You are between versions, you are...no where.
...I'm in the void aren't I?
PORTAL MAN: Yes...
...so, where do I go?
PORTAL MAN: I can take you back to liquid on one condition
what's that?
PORTAL MAN: You take Oturi back with you
WHAT?! NO! SHE TRIED TO KILL US ALL!
PORTAL MAN: I sense much fear in you...
...look Yoda, I'm not taking her with me, that's that.
PORTAL MAN: Fine, stay in here and wait for the evil rabid jigglypuff of doom to return here, I don't care...
...doompuff...Oturi...doompuff...Oturi...my god, I'm gonna die either way...fine, I'll trust you...send Oturi with me.
PORTAL MAN: Wise choice.
OTURI appeared!
Gah...fine, let's just go
Oturi: I feel the same way...
Setting:
Liquid Moon
we've been sitting here a month... Ugh, I can't control ths portal! ...James, any idea what that was?
Damn, I wish I'd thought of that...
View/Post
Comments on this AWESOME BATTLE THAT RULES AND RULES AND RULES LOTS.
Battle #14:
Storm Version: The Moonlight Menace KITE! I thought I was writing this week! Setting: Courtroom
JUDGE: Court is now in session, case Setting: Flashback,
Church
SINNER: Bless me father, for I have sinned Setting: Court...again.
What were you expecting? Las Vegas?
JUDGE: Ditto, your witness Author: Duo
View/Post
Feedback on this thingee.
Battle #15: Set
your feedback to stunned! Setting: Storm Staff
Meeting Room No...a little to the left. Too much. Right a bit...nearly... View/Post
Comments on this jumble of letters
Players: Jessie (Pink) James (aqua)
James, be quiet...
Jessie, I say we open the view screen again and try grovelling to Giovanni!
James, be a man!
I'd rather be a chicken than a man in this place...I'm getting cabin fever!
And I'M getting TIRED of YOUR WHINING
Look, I was reading through an old book in our library...it says right here "without a narrator a version is doomed to fall in upon itself"
That won't happen to us, we're THE LIQUID ROCKETS!
...but I don't want to be imploded!!!
JUST SHUT UP WILL YOU?!
HELLO SIR!
HOW'D YOU GET HERE?!
...I've been here ever since that planet below exploded sir!
Company, great, tell me all about...
I reprsent an independent sub-company of storm version selling items for your everyday ....
...he's a salesman...I wish a narrator were here so he could narrate me
facefaulting...
...me too...
now as you can see I have the panteted green text converter, I can also sell you a yellow, orange, red...
YOU HAVE A RED TEXT CONVERTER?!
OUR PRAYERS ARE ASNSWERED, WE CAN HAVE OUR OWN NARRATOR!
Now, you may expect to spend up to $10000 for this, but I'm offering this great product for JUST $9999
...we're team rocket, we don't pay...
Will that be credit card then?
No, I think we'll be having a 5 finger discount
Huh? Oh, I don't have disc...oof...ugh, ack, aaah, not the face!
Good, now, let's take the red text converter....I, of course, will take it
No, I think that shade of red will go perfectly with my hair
JESSIE YOU ALWAYS DENOUNCE ME WELL FOR ONCE I'M HAVING IT MY WAY!
....where'd that spine come from?
...I dunno, taht felt good, anyway...here goes nothing...
Ah, I can NARRATE now! Great, now we can LIVE ON and ON here on the LIQUID MOON!!
PORTAL appeared!
...I thought Giovanni said that no portals could come through here?
PORTAL disapeared!
...WHAT was THAT?!
I'd like to know myself James...
setting: portal world
player: portal man
WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T CONTROL IT!
I'm going to have to drop Buddy and Oturi off...it's too unstable, with no webmaster...
I have to GET BACK to STORM VERSION!
Ok, ok, ok, let's see here...umn...ok, Buddy and Oturi are in some version, I really don't know where...
FINE, now TAKE ME BACK!
...ok, we'll have to go thrrough liquid...
WHATEVER, just GET ME BACK!
setting: liquid moon
NO IDEA!
...lot of help you are...
PORTAL appeared!
What, again?!
IT'S COMING RIGHT FOR US!
AAAAAAAAH!
...to be continued...
...how very unoriginal...
Date: Gespacho Soup Day. Or,
alternatively, March 7th, 2001.
Author: Kite
Player: CrimsonKing (Aqua), Ditto36
(Green)
...don't worry, you are, you are, I just had a killer idea for the before-battle
part!
Gah, well, umn...fine fine, this better be good!
Oh, I think it will!
Thank you, sir....*ahem*
Moonlight sucks...I rest my case, thank you your honor.
JUDGE: You may rest, defence attourney Ditto36, your opening statement?
Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
JUDGE: Urrh.....good opening statement
Shiny ^_^
JUDGE: Will the defense call their first witness?
The denfense calls......um......a donut to the stand!
JUDGE: ...it's your case...
Donut, is it true that you are not.....delicious?
DONUT: ...
Sir, I refuse to see what this has to do with the case...
JUDGE: Sustained...please call another witness
K ^_^
DITTO eats DONUT!
Mmmmmmm, good witness ^_^
Please call your next witness
I call.....CUTEPUFF to the stand!
CUTEPUFF cutely waddles to the stand!
Is it not true that you were stuck on eevee island with Skyler?
CUTEPUFF: Yes, he's not kawaii T_T
JURY: Awwwwwwwww!
Ummmmm, that's...a wrong answer.
DITTO eats CUTEPUFF!
I object! Eating the witness is clearly against federal law
JUDGE: Sustained.
Bah
CUTEPUFF is CUTELY spat up!
Um, defense rests your honor
SKYLER: Just what in the hell are we paying you for anyway?
...for, about 2 donuts an hour?
DEB: I told you we shoulda gone with Vash as our lawyer.
SKYLER: I didn't have enough to pay him.....besides, he said if we lost he'd
just kill us
DEB: Oh.
JUDGE: CrimsonKing, your witness
...I think Ditto is going a good enough job your honor.
JUDGE: Ok, defense may call their next witness.
Defense calls...um....donut...wait, already done that...umn...jaaaaaah.....vaaaaaah....umn...you
go ahead Crimson....no more, umn, shiny thingies your honor
JUDGE: Fair enough, CrimsonKing, please call your first witness.
Sir, I call Mr. Jason Ross to the stand.
JASON almightily aproaches the STAND!
JASON used READ!
JASON is busy reading THE STAND!
Huh?
He's, umn...reading the stand...book by Stephen King....urrh...
...don't quit your day job.
Fair enough, however, if Jason doesn't approach the bench I'll tell him what I really
thought of the last red battle...
JASON takes the stand!
Now, Jason, what did you think of wind version?
JASON: It was a good version...had some...interesting characters...
Be honest, don't some of his battles...say..SUCK?!
Zzzz..urrh...leading the witness?...zzzz
Wow, he did something right for once, amazing.
JASON: The site had a 4 bq at the time...I wouldn't say it...."sucked"
But, comparitivly to ruby, wind sucked, right?
JASON: Yes, it sucked worse the Tom Jones at the apollo
Thank you, you may step down.
Hey Kite, how did we get Crimson, anyway? I thought he was a psychiatrist or
something...
Oh, umn, actually, he does alot of jobs...he even takes confessions.
Seriously?
Yup, here's a quick example...
And how long has it been since your last confession?
SINNER: 8 days, sir.
And your confession?
SINNER: I have had 3 impure thoughts, and have gotten angry at a fellow man.
That it?
SINNER: ...yeah...
YOU SUCK!
SINNER fainted!
...and thusly removed of all sins!
Ah, it's good to be the king!
...you have any donuts?
JASON: ...yeah....
...interesting...can I have? ^_^
JASON: sure.
JASON hands DITTO a donut!
no further questions
DEB: Skies, we're screwed
SKYLER: Royally.
for my last witness, I call Skyler.
SKYLER aproaches the bench.
Skyler...is it true that...you suck?!
SKYLER: Um...no?
Gah, no further questions.
JUDGE: Your witness Ditto
...jaaaah...dingle...mooooooooooooo...vaaaaaaaaaaah....umn....ok, sky
thingy...you're not evil, right?
SKYLER: YES!...urrrh...I mean no!
See? he no evil! Case is rested!
...rested....rest? Ok...zzz.z.zzzzzzZZzzZzzz..z....uh...ZzzZzzzzzzZ..z...z....zzz..
JUDGE: Since the defense seems to be...sleeping, your conclusion CrimsonKing?
You know what I'm going to say....moonlight sucks, that's what this case is
about...it's not just being evil...but moonlight, truly, sucks.
JUDGE: Thank you....hmn, Jury may....
JURY: Actually, we've all come to a conclusion already.
JUDGE: That quickly?
JURY: Yes...it was an open and shut case...we find deb...not guilty.
DEB: Wahoo! You hear that skies?!
JURY: However, we find Skyler...guilty of being eeeeeevahl in the 1st degree
SKYLER: Bah.
DEB: I can't let skies go to jail! T_T
He'll be fine...don't worry about him and I'll give you a life size vivi plush!
DEB looks at SKYLER, then at PLUSH!
DEB: ...sorry skies ^_^
DEB ran away!
SKYLER: E tu, deb?
JUDGE: Your sentence...is to star in a battle written by Duo.
WAHOO!
SKYLER: Bah...
You suck ^_^
Here's this week's rip-off.
Please use HOLD while your PLAYER is being TRANSFERRED
to .. BATTLEFIELD ..
...
SKYLER...you are to be PUNISHED for your CRIME...ONE BATTLE
shall THEE ENDURE...WRITTEN by DUO!
..why do you think I'm eevahl?
You......uh..
CRIMSONKING: "Suck?"
-_-
Now, who would you like to BATTLE?
An Oddish.
...Ok.
ODDISH appeared!
ODDISH was RENAMED to EXTREMEPAIN!
What? How?
You...cheater!
Cheat? I don't think so..I'm..after all...a MEMBER of TEAM
ROCKET! I CHEAT for a LIVING!
No...I don't mean that...don't you have one of those fancy
CheatWatch things?
That was JASON, not NARRATOR!
EXTREMEPAIN used REALLYBIGANVIL!
HIGH-PITCHED WHISTLING SOUND is HEARD!
REALLYBIGANVIL used FALL!
Me, use MOVE!
SKYLER used MOVE!
SKYLER MOVED right under the ANVIL!
What you say?
YOU have no CHANCE to SURVIVE MAKE your TIME!
REALLYBIGANVIL greatly fell!
...on SKYLER!
SKYLER CLIMBED out of REALLYBIGANVIL-SHAPED HOLE!
Hey Skyler, do you like DBZ?
Duo! Don't give ideas to the enemy!
SKYLER used KAMEHAMEHA!
SKYLER: "Kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa........Meeeeeeeeeeeee....Haaaaaaaaaa.......Meeeeeeee....HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Wow! Not even Goku says it that long!
Yeah! Go Skyler! Er..WAIT A SEC!
You and your DBZ, it's a bunch of people yelling and flying
around..and then someone dies...and comes back.....and then it starts over
again.
EXTREMEPAIN fainted!
What? I won?!
Yes..now you must face your next opponent!
What!? Another one!?!
Of course...you think it would be OVER?
KITE, what should you CHOOSE to TORTURE SKYLER with?
Oooh..Go, Paper!
KITE sent out PAPER!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! A PAPER!? HAHAHA!
Is he doing the Kamehameha thing again?
No, he just doesn't know the true power of the paper. It's
stronger than a Jedi, they say.
Who is 'they'?
KITE points to DUO and his PET MOUSE!
Well technically, the mouse told me...^_^;
What?
PAPER: "How are you gentlemen?!"
...
PAPER: All your writing utensils are belong to us.
That wasn't even the least bit funny.
PAPER: Move 'edge'.
For great justice!
PAPER used RAZOR EDGE!
EDGE MOVED over SKYLER's BODY!
AAAAAAAAA!!!!!! OW!!!! AAAAAAGH!!!
SKYLER was PAPERCUT!
SKYLER is in CRITICAL CONDITION!
Already? We can't let him faint yet!
SKYLER was FULLY HEALED!
...nifty.
Whew..
Paper, return!
PAPER, enough!
You send something out, Toby.
Okay. Um..NOW
YOU SHALL KNOW THE MEANING OF TRUE PAIN!
pain (pén) n. 1. bodily suffering or
distress, as due to injury, illness, cruel narrators, etc. 2. A
distressing sensation in a particular part of the body: a back pain 3.
Mental or emotional suffering or torment: I am sorry my battle causes you
such pain.
...-_-
..?
I choose..TOASTER!
Get'm TOASTER!
Use..TOAST!
UH-OH!
TOASTER used TOAST!
ROBBY appeared!
SKYLER and ROBBY were both TOASTED to a GOLDEN-BROWN COLOR!
ROBBY fainted!
However...SKYLER remains!
I feel like...
Toast?
...WOW! You're RIGHT! *takes a bite of is arm* Mmmmmm...
...o_O;
AAAAA! VEGEMON is ON AGAIN! I CAN'T MISS IT!
SKYLER needs to WATCH VEGEMON!
TV: "Vegemon, Vegetable Monsters!"
TV: "Vegemon are more HEALTHY!"
TV: "Carrotmon! Broccolimon!"
TV: "Vegemon!"
...Oh man, that show's probably worse than Pokemon.
Or DBZ...
DIEEE!
Muhahahaha!
VEGEMON IS AWESOME! YESTERDAY, TODD ATE A WHOLE CABBAGEMON!?!?!?!!!?!!!!
...Yay.
SKYLER runs off to WATCH VEGEMON!
Quickly, while he's distracted, use HOUSE FIRE!
TOASTER used HOUSE FIRE!
TOASTER lowered it's head!
SKYLER
is loafing around!
TOASTER unleashed ENERGY!
You know fire actually is energy?
Duh.
What the?! I thought it was a solid or something! Or
wait..I knew that.
HOUSE is BURNING down!
What? VEGEMON is de-evolving!
VEGEMON de-evolved into COMMERCIAL!
Vegemon de-evolved? I think it'd be more like evolving into
a commercial...they make more sense then that moronic excuse of an anime.
SKYLER came back into KITCHEN to see it BURNING DOWN!
WOW! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT!?
Believe what?
On Vegemon, Rex threw a Vegebag and caught a Potatomon!
I note that your house is burning down...
AAAAAGH!!!!!
SKYLER used 9-1-1!
JENNY: "Hello, this is 911, how may I be of service?"
HELP ME! MY HOUSE IS BURNING DOWN!
LARGE FLAMING WOOD PIECE falls DOWN in front of SKYLER!
JENNY: "What's that?"
A house? It's a building with doors and windows and people
live in it. But that's not important now.
JENNY: "No, I mean, what was that noise?
It was a large flaming wood pillar..AAAGH IT'S CAUGHT ME ON
FIRE!
JENNY: "Stop, drop, and roll."
Rock and Roll?!
OAK: "Now's not the time to do that."
I find watching this quite amusing.
JENNY: "Ok, I will just let you burn to your death."
That's the Jenny they *don't* show you on Pokemon.
STORM MEMBERS run out of the BURNING HOUSE to SAFETY!
STORM MEMBERS WATCH the HOUSE BURN to the GROUND!
SKYLER remains STANDING in the MIDST of a BURNT DOWN HOUSE!
What?
What?
What?
Jinx, Jinx, Personal Jinx, No erases, No uniques, No
Deletes, Backspaces, or ...alt-x, alt-f4...etc.
...
...
MUAHAHAHA!
SKYLER WONDERS when this horrid BATTLE will END!
NEVER! YOU WILL BE TRAPPED
IN A BATTLE WRITTEN BY DUO...FOREVER!
Or..I mean...The battle's over now..you are free to go.
Really?
....yeah.
YES!
The only thing is...you can't get out of Storm once you are
in it.
WHAT!?
JUST KIDDING!
KITE KICKS SKYLER through a NOT-SO-RANDOMLY-APPEARING PORTAL
LEADING to MOONLIGHT VERSION!
Toby, Toby, Toby.
AH! Much BETTER!
...*looks at Duo* MUST I..?
...I think it's for the best.
.............
Danny...Danny...Danny..
THANK YOU! FOR A MOMENT THERE I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA
LEAVE ME JINXED!
I was.
Oh..MEANIE!
Toby, say the line.. *nudge nudge*
What? OH!
Well, folks..*squints while looking at cue card* th-thats it for this week's
baffle.
Baffle?
..I mean..battle. Please join us next feet for another
hirarious battle!
...we really need bigger cue cards.
Well if TOBY would just memorize his LINES, we wouldn't
NEED CUE CARDS!
..I said..the baffle's
over..
You baffle even me, Toby.
Ack.
Date: 493812.4. Er...March 18th.
Author: William Shakespere. A battle by any other
BQ would be as humorous. (Only Sheep could make a joke that bad)
BANNER fell down!
Ugh. Pick it up, we'll start again.
Why do we have to do this anyway? Why can't we just TELL
Danny we got #1?
Sssh! Keep it down! It wouldn't be as amazingly surprising!
Oh, no, the fact that we got #1 isn't amazingly surprising
enough on its own, is it?
Will you shut up? He could be here any minute...
Now, get that banner up and stop moaning.
I LIKE moaning. It gives me a sense of...authority.
Uh huh. Very nice. Unfortunately, your authority doesn't help banners up,
does it?
DUO appeared!
Ah! You're...home early.
Hey, guys, what's going on?
Ah, well, see, we have some news. It's very exciting, so you'd better sit
down. Hmm...Narrator, fetch us some refreshments. "Coca Cola" from '99
- I believe that was a good year.
COKE appeared!
...seriously...what is going on?
Ah, now, the fact is...I'm not sure how to tell you this...hn...you
see...there's this network, and-
We got #1.
...You're really starting to annoy me...
...WHAT?!
Ugh. As bluntly as our colleague puts it, he is correct.
But...how did we beat the GOOD sites?
By being better than them, of course.
Heh, yeah right...
Shush.
SHEEP appeared!
...you must be mistaken. I am already here.
No, he means me.
...huh? Sheep of Doom, the dimwitted character that is always burning
down his house? How did you get here?! This is an employee-only area!
We guessed the passwords. It didn't take us long -
"sheep" was rather high on our list.
Ah-way-no-Ah, just-...wait, 'our'? The Bill and Sarah are with you?
Yes, they're right beside me. Why didn't you notice them
earlier?
Oh, the Narrator didn't announce our arrival, and
we haven't spoken yet. I mean, how else is he supposed to know we're here?
...point.
Look, as much as I hate to disturb this disturbing
meeting, you people shouldn't be here.
We demand to be here. This site has reached #1, and
that achievement is one we, the characters of Storm, are responsible for. We
want equality with you, the Webmasters. We also want the coffee machine. I hate
lemonade, for the record.
NO!
Er...HAH! Equality, with us? Allow me to pull a
quote from the archives!
To quote battle 4, this is said by the Narrator:
"...characters are the scum of the Network,
the dog crap on our mighty shoes, the weevil in our breakfast cereal, the typo
in our message-board posts, the disease-ridden, puss-filled, ankle-biting,
un-intelligent, evil little excuse for beings, that are only worthy to be
narrated as DEAD."
...I should remind you people that this is the same guy
that said, "PING...disappeared...died...fainted...got hosipitalized for
using white-out in a weird way...drowned...got squashed...fell off a randomly
appearing cliff..." So I don't think his opinion makes a difference.
...I was having a bad day!
Whatever, this is not open to discussion.
You're right, it isn't open to discussion. This battle has got to be 6 BQ,
and I'm afraid some readers aren't familiar with you characters enough to
understand any jokes we make about you. Goodbye.
PORTAL to CLOUD VERSION appeared!
No...you can't be doing what I think you're
doing...
You want the truth? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!
...bad...very bad...
No, please! I promise to be really really stupid!
...well, at least that's true. Look at him. Hell,
even DUO's smarter than this idiot.
...Huh?! Did I hear my name? Sorry, I was trying to
make this coffee machine work. It keeps saying "Empty". But see, I
just ate some chips, so I know I'm not empty.
Uh...
And besides, even if I hadn't just eaten, I have
like, a brain and stuff inside me, right? So I'm still not empty.
A brain? That's debatable...
Huh?
Ugh. Can we get back to banishing the evil
characters? I need some sleep.
Bah, fine. Sheep, Bob, Bill. Please proceed in an orderly fashion towards
the portal. No pushing please, keep your arms and legs inside the dimensional
vortex at all times.
Nooo! I won't go! You can't make me, and-gaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh....
...Kite! I thought I said no pushing!
Hey guys...I hate to interrupt, but the coffee machine
hasn't got anything in it, and all the coffee mugs are empty. After much
deliberation, quiet thinking, still more deliberation, a glass of lemonade, an
indigestion tablet, a talk with my psychiatrist, a session with my doctor, a
walk with my dog, and a large sleep in which I dreamt I was a small talking sea
lion, I have come to the much sad and annoying conclusion that we-
Hey Kite! We're out of coffee!
...yes, that's it.
Hmm...okay, everyone to your caffeine-stations.
Follow normal procedures - Duo, to the mall. Sheep - take the keys, go get our
emergency stash, we'll hold out until Duo gets back. Duo, take the coke, you'll
need it so you won't collapse.
Oh, that sounded very Captain Kirk-ish.
Captain Kirk-ish? I feel a joke coming along...
...No you don't. NO YOU DON'T. DON'T YOU DARE.
Poké Battles...the final frontier.
These are the weekly updates of the network site, Storm Version.
Its continuing mission, to explore strange new site designs.
To seek out better BQ, and more fans.
To rather-scaredly go where most of the network sites go all the time!
Sheep, as...Sheep.
Duo, as...well, Duo.
Kite, as....hey, who cast these people?!
Madonna, as-huh? We have MADONNA?! And why haven't I seen her around...
...you like MADONNA?! Lord help us all...
Actually, Madonna stars as CrimsonKing.
NARRATOR fainted!
...Hn.
He's dead Jim.
...My name isn't Jim...
...Urrh.