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Battle #16: Turn left at the cerebellum, and it's the big blue thing on your right
Date: Christmas Day. Yes, it took that long to write. (March 24th, 2001)
Author: Kite
Player: Mother

Ok, so, I'm only doing this job cause I need the money....that's fine...waste of a good Friday night, but then again, the only thing I'd be doing normally anyway would be chatting on IRC...*huff* ok, let's do this...
You're the sitter, right?
At your service.
Good, there's food in the fridge, Danny and Toby's bedtime are at 10....
...umn, did you say Danny and Toby?
Yes, one is my son the other's over to visit, now, their dinner is wrapped in foil, just shove it in the oven...
...how old are they again?
13 both, anyway, I'll be back at 11, if you need anything, you can get ahold of me at the number on the fridge, see you.
Danny, and Toby...please tell me this is a coincidence...
DANNY appeared!
TOBY appeared!
Oh no, you're kidding me, IT'S...
It's a pokebattle, Kite!
NARRATOR wishes AUDIENCE could see the LOOK on KITE's FACE!
Alright, no problem, the fact that I know you both makes my job all the easier...
He don't know us very well, do he?
The money's not worth it...
Go get a job, ya bum.
Seriously.
This REALLY isn't worth it...damn I knew I shoulda gotten insurance!
insurance?
He owes a lot of money on that car he wrecked.
KITE is a LOUSY DRIVER!
Hey!
It's TRUE, isn't it?
...yeah but you didn't have to say it so loud...
Ok, look, your mom left specific instructions, now, homework is at 5...
DUO and SHEEP are already on the COMPUTER!
...you guys are fast.
DUO and SHEEP are playing WORMS!
WORMS 2, downloadable...eh, NARRATOR forgot the link...try asking around, someone should know -_-
Look, guys, I want to get paid for tonight, and if you guys don't do what she told me to have you do then I get no money...and I NEED money...
Yes, we established that, however...
Joo suxx0rz
><
...whoa, he pronounced a face...
Odd
...who? ...LANI'S HERE TOO?!
...we invited her over.
Hope you don't mind, Kite.
Nah, Lani's pretty quiet...
Then you won't mind that we brought some other people?
...other people?
COME ON IN GUYS!
RUSS, SKYLER, ROBBY, DITTO, and SILVER appear!
THERE'S TOO MANY OF EM, GET OUT NOW, I DON'T HAVE TIME TO LOOK AFTER ALL OF YOU!
OTHERS are MOCKING KITE!
AAAAAAAAH, SHUT UP, THIS IS TOO MUCH LIKE MIDDLE SCHOOL, I.......*snap*
...Kite?
I think we broke him.
Gah...umn, guys, get out
LANI, RUSS, RUSS, SLYER, DITTO and SILVER ran away!
Go away Robby...
Yeah....we gotta fix Kite...go on.
ROBBY: But I wanna stay and help Kite cause Kite needs help and I'm gonna help him so...
...alright, who let Robby in on our caffenated coffee?
Gzzzzztttttggggggguuuuuuuurrrrrr
ROBBY: Come on, I'll help Kite, I'll be good, I'll be...
DUO pulls out ROBBY VOODOO doll!
...you kept that? Why?
Figured it would come in handy...doesn't work anyway...
Seriously?
Yeah, see?
DUO tosses ROBBY VOODOO DOLL into FIRE!
Nothing...
ROBBY was renamed ASH...er...ASHES!
Ooops...
SPANISH GUY appeared!
SG: Aye me dios, usd. muerte Robby!
...that's not funny narrator.
Yeah, not funny, you bastard.
SPANISH GUY disappeared!
So, how do we fix him?
...I guess we go in there and fix whatever's wrong with him...
Where?
Kite's BRAIN!
...you're kidding me...
Nope, I saw it in this movie where the president of some foreign country was dying and the people shrunk and went inside of him and found a bunch of aliens in there and had to fight them but the thing was that they didn't know that they themselves were...
I GET THE POINT!
Oh, my bad.
Anyway, narrator, if you would...
...it's the only hope to save this battle...fine
DUO and SHEEP were SHRUNK and went into KITE'S HEAD!
...god save their souls...

Author: Sheep

DUO and SHEEP are in a LONG, NEVER ENDING CORRIDOR!
Huh? Kite's mind is a corridor?
Yea. An EMPTY corridor.
…That was an evil joke. How did you come up with that?
I think Kite's mind is having some sort of effect on me. Ah, wait, this door is labeled "Jokes". I must have caught something from there.
Hmm…I see. Let's take a look inside, then.
SHEEP went through the DOOR!
Aaah! Splinters! I have GOT to remember to OPEN the door before I go through it!
…I think this room's giving you something as well.
CLOWN appeared!
…A clown? The 'Jokes' section of Kite's brain has a clown?
Yea, that's because clowns aren't funny.
Oh…makes sense.
Ah, Beavis and Butthead!
Oh dear LORD. Look! CrimsonKing's after them with a cleaver!
…I guess all of them have a place in Kite's jokes.
…Let's get out of here. That group of puns over there is starting to scare me.
Right, let's go.
SHEEP and DUO left!
Ah! The puns are coming too!
PUNS: "Don't close the door on us just yet!"
Aaaaah! No!
PUNS: "You deserve to be PUNISHED!"
SHUT THE DOOR, SHUT THE DOOR!
DOOR shut!
Oh, thank the Jason. Kite's mind is a scary place…
Hey, another door. This one's labeled "Ideas".
What's in there?
No idea.
Oh, right. Hey-wait a minute! You're not a Pun in disguise, are you?
No, but I think this corridor is giving me Punnel vision.
AAH! YOU ARE A PUN!
Mwahaha. You're certainly in the right 'frame of mind'!
NOOOOOOO!!!!
PUN died!
…Wow. Guess the Puns don't have many lines in this battle.
Yea. They're generally one-liners.
…URRH!
DUO appeared!
Ugh, *gasp*, puns, *cough*, too hard to fight, *gasp*, *rather short breath that will require use of an asthma inhaler*
Aaah! The Puns are after us!
PUNS: "We are the Puns. You will be PUNished. Existence of humor as you know it is over. Your technological distinctiveness will be added to our own. Resistance is not funny."
…Technological distinctiveness? The coffee machine?
…Move, move, move!
STORMIES flee!
PUNS flea!
…Are they paying you or something?
PUNS give chase!
Don't you dare make a pun out of that one.
Quick! Through a door!
DUO opened a door and ran through it!
Duo, no! Come back! While you still can!
Sheep, it's alright…this seems to be kind of safe…hey, what's this….AAAH!
Danny! Run!
DUO ran into the corridor and slammed the door!
What were you thinking, going into a room labeled "Secret Fantasies"?!
The PUNish are coming, the PUNish are coming!
…I'd waste this line in telling you off for that HORRIBLE joke, but I've done that too much already. And also, an army of bad jokes who originated from a room in a corridor that is actually a Co-Webmaster's mind is rapidly approaching. I am obviously dreaming.
That was more than a line! And they're nearly here!
The PUNish are coming, the PUNish are coming!
We get the picture. Let's roll.
BATMAN music plays!
Good lord, Sheepma-er…Toby…
Hurry!
SHEEP and DUO begin to sprint!
PUNS: "We are the Puns. Resistance Sucks."
…Too much time with CrimsonKing…
The PUNish are coming, the PUNish are coming!
STORMIES reach a SLIDE!
Hey, there's a sign here…what's it say…."The Slide of Paul Revere"…Oh dear LORD. These jokes are worse than…Kite's, funnily enough.
That's it! These jokes are too bad! Something must have disrupted his good taste system!
No time for that now! Down the slide, the Punish are coming!
DUO and SHEEP slide!
SHEEP hits a large wall!
DUO hits SHEEP!
Ow!
Here it is! There's some kind of foreign object in this wall!
Sushi?
What? Sushi? …Oh, foreign object, very clever.
I try.
It's some kind of missile…Hey! RobbyMVB's signature is on the side!
So Robby did this. I should've known.
ROBBYMVB: "And I would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you pesky kids!"
…Disturbing. Can we take out the missile?
No, but we can reverse its polarity.
…Meaning?
Meaning Kite's jokes will get better, not worse. And it will take the load off of his brain, so he'll wake up.
Great! Do it!
PUNS: "We are the Puns. You will be PUNished. Resistance is really ticking us off."
Oh no! The Puns!
I'm working on reversing the polarity…it's hard, Kite's mind isn't used to him being funny.
Understandable. Now, Puns. Would you like a drink?
PUNS: "We are the Puns. You know where you can put that drink. Resistance isn't funny."
Duo…I don't mean to rush you…but could you bloody well HURRY UP?!
…What happened to not meaning to rush me?
I didn't mean to rush you. I meant to hurry you up. Now MOVE.
I see. Nearly there…
Got it! Move!
SHEEP and DUO run for it!
To the ear!
Isn't it customary to get sneezed out?
Usually, but I rather like the ear option.
I'm growing rather fond of it too.
SHEEP and DUO fly out of the ear canal!
What?! SHEEP and DUO are enlarging!
SHEEP and DUO enlarged into…well, SHEEP and DUO…I suppose…
KITE woke up!
Hey! You guys are back!
Lani! We fixed Kite!
Yay!
Urrh…headache…evil…
…What happen?
Somebody set you up a missile.
ARG! THESE JOKES WERE SUPPOSED TO GET BETTER!
War is beginning.

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Battle #17: A Rich, Smooth Blend
Date: VERY LATE AT NIGHT, I'M VERY BLOODY TIRED AND I WANT TO GO TO BED. NOW. April BLOODY 4th, 01.
Author: Duo

Hey Duo, Sheep..y'know..we don't have any female characters on this site..at all.
Lani had a line last battle or so.
o_o
Ok, well..shall we have a thingy somewhat like the webmaster search?
..sure.
Good idea.
It's a good idea!
..?
I don't remember that from anywhere.
You must've never seen...
Flashback scene!

ASH wants to JUMP into the BOTTOMLESS PIT!
It's a good idea!
You're mean, narrator.
ASH JUMPed!

FADE back to REALITY!
That Flashback was pretty pointless.
Yes..
Now, I'll put a sign outside that says "Female Characters Wanted."
RUSS: "Female Characters *WANTED*! Oh yeah! ;)"
...oh gawd, kill the hentai thing!
o_O;
Maybe you should put a sign that says.."Women, Come Here."
RUSS: "Don't even MAKE me comment on that one."
Oh man, Storm's gone hentai.
O_O;
...we need to ban Russ.
Seconded.
NARRATOR sets mode +b Russ-san!*@*.*
Good riddence.
Ok, let's just send Danny out to find some good subjects.
Why me??
..because you have to, now go.
...O-Okay.
DUO disappeared!
So what do we do while we wait for Danny to return?
Let's go play outside.
Ok..
Want to fly our kite?
What?? NOO! THAT CAN'T BE G-
SHEEP started FLYING KITE around!
KITE-EATING TREE APPEARED!
AAAAGH! IT'S A TREE! AND EVEN WORSE, a <b>KITE EATING TREE!</b>
Uh-oh..maybe I should fly it a little lower.
Hey! I'm lowering toward the tree! TOBY, NO!!! STOP!
What?
There's a ...KITE...EATING...TREE...RIGHT...THERE...PLEASE...GET...ME...DOWN..RIGHT...NOW!!!!!
I don't see any trees..just looks like a mildly vegetated are that most people return from, if you ask me.
KITE-EATING TREE is just an FIGMENT of your IMAGINATION!
Oh, there it goes...it disappeared. Must've been all those Charlie Brown books -_-;
Silly Kite.
Silly Kite! Like Silly String, but comes..uh..on a string? Not a can..o_o;
Ooooo, the narrator made a face.
NO I DIDN'T >_<;
You did it again!
Oops. ^_^;
...stupid James.
Can you please stop flying me so we can get on with the battle..?
..um..ok.
TOBY let go of the STRING!
KITE used FLY!
KITE flew up high...
..and didn't come down!
OH NO! What will I tell Duo?!
DUO returned with THREE females!
Oh, you're back.. ^_^;;
Yes..eh..where's Travis?
Um...uh...he..eh, well you see..he had to, uh.. he had to go to this meeting..y'know, for..uh..AQUA VERSION! Yeah, and he said he wouldn't be back for a while..so, uh..he said to just work without him for a while.
Oh, right.
Well, I brought these three back.
Ohh, ok. How will we test them?
I believe we can both choose a method of testing we like.
So, who's first?
I'll go first..now..I've decided to have this one battle you.
WHAT?
Yes, the pretty one right there.
...ooooo.
Player: Bishoujo
Hn..so, uh..please, you go first.
No, you go first, you cute little ball of fluff you.
BISHOUJO is LOOKING straight in TOBY'S EYES!
You two, battle..I'll be back later.
DUO disappears!
Hey! Duo get back h- It's no use.
We don't need that little brat.
All we need is each other.
@_@

Location: Way up high in the sky

All I need is some coffee.

Location: Back at the battlefield

So, I choose..uh..(What can I call out that wouldn't be too mean looking...something kawaii. I know!) Go Sheep Of Doom! NO What were you THINKING!?)
Get'm SHEEPOFDOOM!
Oh, it's so kawaii! *huggles* Such a cute Pokemon for such a cute guy! *winks*
(Oh my.)
SHEEPOFDOOM burst into FLAMES!
EEEK!
Go MEW!
Go, MEW!
What's she gonna use?
Use KAWAII!
MEW is KAWAII!
It's super effective!
AWWWW!
(Wow, that girl Bishoujo is really cute.)
(I think he's falling for it! Once I become in control of Toby of Storm Version! All the BQ in the power in the network will belong to me, Bishoujo, the prettiest girl in the world! Hehehehehe!)
(Now that I have revealed my plot to everyone through thought bubbles, I will proceed to seduce Toby!)
I'm back. I baked this cake for you, ma'am.
BISHOUJO used EAT!
The cake's not bad..It's just the taste of the cake that I can't stand.
What? You don't like it?
DUO blushes and runs away! Got away safely!
Oh well, guess you can't have your cake and Duo too. Er...wait...
I think your friend is trying to steal me from you!
I'd never let him do that!
Why don't we just forget battling?
Yeah! That's a great idea!
KITE FLOATED to the GROUND, torn in pieces, and bloody..
You're back. Good. Meet Bishoujo..
Oh my..
Wait a sec..Kites bleed?
MATTCHU: "Cellophane bleeds, I don't see any reason why a Kite wouldn't."
Anyway..up in the clouds up there, I heard the whole story of this lady..she's trying to seduce you, Toby!
Don't listen to anything she says!
What??
You're..trying..to trick me! So you can get here ALL for yourself! You are sooooo covetous!
No, I'm not joking!
How do I know you aren't joking me..after all, I went in your head, I know you.
Damn..he's got a point..but..how about this? As a Storm Webmaster, I swear I am telling the truth!
...b-but..
Toby..he's probably right.
You're all wrong! I'm just a beautiful young lady looking for a good-looking guy! And Toby's the one for me!
o_O;
Someone get rid of this person.
Drat, my plan didn't work..
PORTAL to OCEAN VERSION appeared!
BISHOUJO was sent to OCEAN VERSION!
PORTAL to OCEAN VERSION closed!
I'm gonna miss her :(
Shut up.
Hehe.
-_-
Oh well, let's just see here..who's our next female character..?

Author: Kite

Ok...who's next for interview?
Oh, that's my entry...meet Hotaru the anthro pikachu
Hi ^_^
...Kite?
What?
...you know what you doing !
For great justice !!
Didn't we kill off the ZeroWing puns?
Move, every 'pun' !
Um...excuse me?
Oh, sorry, we get caught up every now and then.
Kite, the battle simulator is ready...
Good, good, I thought the best way to interview you would be to see you in action...can you handle it?
No problem!
Good, good, now, through those doors...
You have no chance to survive, make your...er, good luck!
Thanks ^_^

Setting: Battle simulator

Alright...let's see here...where's my enemy?
Wait, we're loading battle simulator narrator...I upgraded the prototype I used in liquid....
LOADING NARRATOR.EXE....retrieving system files....WELCOME TO WINDOWS NARRATOR 2K1!
Now can I battle?
LOADING VILLAIN.EXE...
VILLAIN, HENATIMASTER loaded!
...umn?
HENTAIMASTER appeared!
GUYS, YOU MUST BE KIDDING!
Come on, show us what you got!
Kite?
Shhh, this'll boost ratings! See what it did for Turq and Lithium?
...should we go with the lowest moral standards just for ratings?...HELL YES!
Ugh, alright you....prepare for pain!
HOTARU sent out HOTARU!
HENTAIMASTER sent out....NO, NOT THAT!!!
What the hell?
Its...it's the greatest evil in the world...
It's....CHIBI MOON PORN!
MY EYES, IT BURNS, IT BURNS!!!!!!!
AAAAAAAH, GET IT AWAY, GET IT AWAY!
HOTARU is paralyzed, it may not attack!
OVERRIDE THE SYSTEM DAMNIT!
I AM, I AM!...HOLD ON!
HENTAIMASTER returned CHIBI MOON PORN!
*Phwew*
Thank god...
HENTAIMASTER sent out TENTACLE MONSTER!
EEEP!
I, um, I'm not that type of girl...I believe a girl should be wined and dined and....
TENTACLE MONSTER used WINE AND DINE!
It's super effective!
TENTACLE MONSTER used....
Due to RSACI regulations we are not able to show you the following part of the interview, however you hentai fans most ikely know what happens next...you bloody pervs. Now back to the battle, already in progress.
TENTACLE MONSTER fainted!
I feel so violated...
...
KITE is STUNNED!
SHEEP went through PUBERTY!
....this battle rocks...
Can a version PLEASE use a female character without getting sexual?!
As long as Russ exists that can never happen.
HENTAIMASTER sent out HIMSELF!
Finally you fight me one on one, eh?
HENTAIMASTER is a WEAK CHICKEN! He sent out HIMSELF, not...HENTAIMASTER!
...of all the cheep tricks...fine. Now you'll find out what a pikachu can really do!
PIIIIIIIIIKAAAAAAAAA!
What's going on?
...I think she's powering up for an attack....
CHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!
HOTARU used LIGHTNING!
ROOM was FILLED with ELECTRICITY!
HIMSELF fainted!
HENTAIMASTER fainted!
NARRATOR f---
...My god...what have we unleashed?
*huff**puff*
Yo did great, you're in!
Yeah, welcome aboard!
AND WHY THE HELL WOULD I WANT TO WORK WITH YOU PERVERTED BASTARDS?!
~-_-;;
-_-;;
-_-;;
You'll be hearing from my lawyer...
...ok, let's never use the battle simulator again
Seriously.

Author: Sheep

Gah. That didn't work out.
You're telling me! I'm still feeling the after effects of...HER...
Calm down. Here, have some coffee.
Ah, coffee. You've never let me down yet.
...except for that time when you were cold! AAAH! DIE!
Hey! Stay calm! It's only coffee!
...ONLY coffee?
...ONLY coffee?
...ONLY coffee?
...ONLY coffee?
...ONLY coffee?
...Okay, you guys and the other people that were just assigned a text color for no reason have a point. Who wants coffee?
...Who doesn't?
...Who doesn't?
...Who doesn't?
...Who do-
Okay! I get it!
We need to focus on getting a female character.
Right. Unfortunately, the computer we were using to find applicants is broken.
Broken? You think it's those electromagnetic particles drifting through the thermosphere at a hyper rate, thereby igniting certain molecules, causing a chain reaction which leads to the Earth's surface, and is attracted to certain radiation - the very small output of a standard PC, for example - and, when in contact with that radiation, causes it to form a feedback loop along the air moving from the fan into the hard drive, which causes certain particles to form on the outer part of the disk, which would interfere with simple data opening and saving?
No, I just spilled some coffee in it a few minutes ago.
...Ah.
Regardless, we need to find one somehow...
Yes...somehow...
But...we'll never find one! It's not as if a female character is going to walk right into the office!
...
...
I SAID, it's not as if a female character is going to walk right into the office!
...Hn? Oh, sorry, I fell asleep during the Broken-computer theory.
FEMALE CHARACTER walked right into the OFFICE!
Well, whadya know.
Such a strange coincedence.
FEMALE CHARACTER: "Hey! What does it take for a girl to get some text around here?"
...Er, right, of course. Narrator, give the *pretty* character some green text, would you?
Fine. But I expect a raise after this.
Why thank you, Mister...
Pemberton. Danny Pemberton.
...Oh dear LORD.
Eh...right. Anyway, I was walking along when my portable coffee maker ran out of coffee...do you happen to have any spare?
...Portable coffee maker...
...A woman after my own heart...
...Looks like she's after more than your heart! She wants coffee!
SHEEP hugged the COFFEE MACHINE protectively!
Don't worry...I won't let her get you...your safe with me, yes, very safe, hehehe...
Sheep, really. I'm sure we can spare a few cups to help out...what did you say your name was?
...I didn't, you unobservant fool. But that's okay. My name is...Bob.
...Bob? That's a rather...boyish name, isn't it?
Well, yes, it's short for...Kate.
...Of course...Bob.
Kate will do.
Of course. Now, Kate, how can I be of service?
...I said I wanted coffee. Are you stupid? Suffering from some sort of illness?
Heh, he's suffering from SOMETHING...
Danny, really...it's illegal to flirt with a character.
...Who said?
It's an unwritten law.
Oh yea? How'd you know about it?
Eh, I read it somewhere.
...
Right. Anyway...if you can get the machine off of my...colleague, you can have some coffee.
...I have to beat up some maniac just to get the greatest beverage that exists?
SOMETHING exploded!
...there goes the "Brilliant Personality" detector I was building. Readings must've gone off the scale...
Okay Cloud Boy, prepare to die.
...I think not. I am a Webmaster, you are but a lowly character.
You are an idiot, who has almost no power whatsoever - haven't you ever heard that the characters are always super-powerful?
Your assumption is your weakness.
Your faith in your coffee is yours.
KATE wants to fight!
SHEEP wants to fight!
Oh joy. You know, it's been ages since we had an actual BATTLE here...bring out the popcorn, Duo.
Good idea.
DUO brought POPCORN!
...Duo, you know I can't have popcorn without a thick coating of coffee on it.
...But Sheep has the coffee machine.
Oh yes, of course. Oh well, guess we can't have popcorn then.
...I don't much like that alternative.
Neither. Sheep, give us the coffee machine, would you?
No! My coffee! Need coffee! Bad bad coffee stealing people not take my coffee!
...I see. Go Kate go!
KITE and DUO hold up banners and begin cheering for KATE!
...Traitors. Prepare to die, Kate. Now you shall know the meaning of TRUE pain!
He said the thing.
We're all gonna die.
SHEEP sent out TEA!
...The drink?
The meal.
Oh, right, of course. ...Wait...MEAL?!
Yes. The meal one has after lunch and before sleeping.
...Sleeping? What meal's that?
...
KATE sent out PORTABLE COFFEE MACHINE!
He's in trouble. He can't possibly destroy the beverage he loves so much.
Oh really? All I have to do is convince my brain that it only dispenses Decaf.
...Clever.
Uh huh. Tea, use VEGETABLE!
...I have a feeling sending out a meal was a very bad idea.
Coffee Machine! Cappucino attack!
TEA used VEGETABLE!
TEA has plenty of greens! It has a well balanced diet, full of vitamins and minerals, and lots of carbohydrates!
COFFEE MACHINE used CAPPUCINO!
COFFEE MACHINE's frothyness greatly increased!
Mwahaha! Fear the frothyness!
Well, they have their evil-sounding remarks sorted out. "Fear the frothyness" ranks right up there with "The Meaning of True Pain".
That's it. I've gone without coffee for a full two minutes now. I can't take it much longer.
I'm with you. Let's get that machine.
But how...?
I think I have an idea. Sheep!
...Wha? Who said? Want coffee? Not get! My coffee!
Star Trek is on!
Wha! Coffee! Trek! Get! No steal! Star Trek! Coffee! Steal trek! Coffee! Star! AAAAH! Star Trek on TV!
...That was disturbing.
SHEEP ran for the TV!
KITE grabbed the COFFEE MACHINE!
...This is all very well, but I still need some extra coffee, you know. It's already been 3 minutes...I can't stay upright for long.
Fair enough. Please, take some of our coffee.
Not too much, though. A teaspoon will do nicely.
So...what do you guys do here?
We rule the world.
At least, this world.
Storm Webmasters, I presume?
Our reputation precedes us...
No, you just have those little name tags.
...Oh.
Anyway, I'm short of work...what little money I have will only buy enough coffee for half an hour...
Wow, you have $2000?
Anyway, I heard you were looking for a female character...well, I know how to look stupid and get beaten up by egotistical, allpowerful, booming voices...
I resent that.
...and I can probably provide more interesting stuff than that idiotic bunch of...idiots you have already...
Hmm...minimum wage?
10 cups a minute.
You're hired.
Hadn't we better check it with all the Webmasters?
Well, I agree, and Sheep's too busy with Star Trek...funny really, we can get him out of our way with only 4 words.
Yea, yea, I could do the same.
The trekkie speaks.
I'll prove it.
Doubt it, Captain Kirk.
DBZ is on TV. And I hear someone gets killed and comes back to life again...only this time, it takes DOUBLE the amount of episodes to do it!
WHOA! QUICK, FIND THE REMOTE!


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Battle #18: Fine Japanese Cuisine
Date: April 15th, 01 (Or, the day I couldn't be bothered to make a sophisticated date joke)
Author: Duo
Setting: Storm Version Staff Room

Hey, isn't it Thursday? Toby, Kite, what are you up to?
Oh nothing..we're just learning to program Java.
Why are you doing that?
Why wouldn't we? It's 'java'.
Heh heh heh.
Yeah, funny..Hey guys, let's go out to eat today. I'm bored of all this food we have. It's just BREAD and COFFEE! Every ay! BREAD and COFFEE! BREAD and COFFEE! It's really getting old.
SHEEP used RAGE!
...WHAT IS WRONG WITH COFFEE!?!?
OH OH.. Nothing! It's just...we have it ALL the time..with EVERY meal! And...won't we eventually run out of coffee bags?
..Toby, he has a point. We should take this opportunity to go out to eat and save some coffee bags.
....
Toby?
....
TOBY!
..DANNY!
It worked! ^_^
..HEY! You-
Yeah. Heh heh heh.
X_x;;
Are you running low on caffeine today!?
I think so..KITE! Start the COFFE MACHINE NOW!
Yes sir! o.O
MAKE IT SNAPPY! I NEED MY COFFEE NOW! AND I NEED IT WITH ...COFFEE STUFF...
Coffee stuff?
Yes..like..uh..GET ME MY COFFEE!
Drinking too much coffee can cause a latte problems....well, as I was saying..
So, where should we go?
How about McDonalds?
YEAH! Don't they have COFFEE?
Gotta have coffee every thirst-day morning.
.....COFFEE.
...forget McDonalds.
I was thinking something more high-budget.
Hm? You want to spend more money? You already spent $500 on that remote control!
Duo has quit IRC (Ping timeout)
...Oi.
o_O
Oh, you like that effect?
I can do a bunch of different things..
DUO holds up the REMOTE CONTROL!
DUO pressed RED BUTTON!
Duo has quit IRC (Connection reset by peer)
DUO pressed GREEN BUTTON!
Duo has quit IRC (No route to host)
DUO pressed BLUE BUTTON!
Duo has quit IRC (Client exited)
DUO pressed ORANGE BUTTON!
ChanServ- Password accepted - you now have founder-level access to #pokebattles.
WHAT!? I didn't know it did THAT...cool. ^_^
I'll be taking that remote! *yoink*
Um..ok then, let's get back to deciding where to eat. All this talk about coffee is making me hungry
How about Starbucks?
...shut up, Toby.
Starbucks is GOOD! They have coffee! And like..stars..and bucks..and..uh..what was I saying?
...
^_^;
I think we should try some kind of foreign foods.
Now there's a good idea..
Let's go to a Japanese restaurant! ^_^
Do they have coffee there?
...
...of COURSE they do...
Woah, they do, for real?!
..yes..it's clear coffee..and it comes in a clear cup..
Ah fine.
Japanese sounds good.
Yes, let's go.
Ok..
Everyone! To the Mystery Machine!
...o_O;
..scary.
STORM WEBMASTERS got into CAR!
Do we REALLY have to DRIVE there?
Can't we just say "Narrator! Beam me up!" and appear there?
Let's try.
Narrator! Beam me up!
...
I guess it doesn't work.
Maybe we all have to say it!
Narrator! Beam me up!
K, Narrator! Beam me up!
STORM WEBMASTERS appeared at the RYOUTEI!
That name fits. o.o
Ok, let's walk in the restaurant.
...oi.
Yes, let's walk in the restaurant.
Uh-huh, let's walk in the restaurant.
STORM WEBMASTERS WALKED in the RESTAURANT!

Player: Mr. Kyuuji

Please! Follow me to your seats!
Ok.
Yeah.
..c'mon narrator, don't make us do this..
...
..OK! I AM FOLLOWING HIM TO OUR SEATS!
STORM WEBMASTERS followed MR. KYUUJI to their SEATS!
Now, what would you all like to order?
I want..Hibachi Chicken!
Hibachi chicken. Ok.
I'll take ..coffee?
We no have any coffee.

...Ten Minutes Later...

Are you SURE you don't have any coffee?
Sir, I am sure we have NO coffee, if you don't know what to order, then we'll just come back to you.
Okay.
Okay, I'll take the Swordfish fillet.
Alright. Now sir, do you know what you want?
GIVE ME ALL YOUR COFFEE NOW OR I'LL...
Stealing someone's coffee is called 'mugging'.
...okay, I give up...I guess I'll have some steamed rice.
Ok..Your chef will be with you in a minute.
Oh, this is one of those cool places where they make the food in front of your very own eyes.
They don't get IN your eyes, do they? I HATE getting things stuck in my eyes. It hurts forever.
Oi..
Now if I hear any of them say baka to eachother I know they're calling us idiots.
What if one of 'em says "I feel like such an idiot."
Then we'll be in trouble, because I'll yell back at them.."You're the IDIOT!"
Then they'll say "Get the 'special rice.'"



Player: Iron Chef Pokebattles

Hi! I'll be your chef for today!
IRON CHEF PB does fancy things with the KNIVES! SPIN TWIRL *CLING* *CHING* FLIP!
Oooh! Coool!
..awesome!
This guy's good!
He could probably make some coffee..like..SHAZAM.
..I bet he could, Toby..I bet he could.
Now, I'll prepare your food for you here!

...Minutes Later...

This one is for you!
And this dish for you!
And lastly, this one for you!
Thank you!
Thank you!
Thank you!
STORM WEBMASTERS used THANK YOU! on IRON CHEF PB!
It's super flattering!
Thank you. *bows*
Hey! Could you show me some tricks with your sharp knives..? Like...spin them around and stuff!
Alright.
IRON CHEF PB throws the KNIFE up in the AIR!
IRON CHEF PB is juggling KNIVES!
Wow!
IRON CHEF PB makes a MISTAKE!
IRON CHEF PB's HAT was sliced in two!
...
Was that...SUPPOSED to happen?
Oh no. ;_;
IRON CHEF PB runs away!

Author: Sheep

FOOD arrived!
...That was quick...
WEBMASTERS eat!

Several minutes later...

Setting: Hospital

...You know, I don't think coffee can give you food poisoning...
Yea...as a matter of fact, I've never suffered any pain whatsoever when drinking coffee...
...Strange, really, as the first time we actually eat something that isn't coffee, we become ill...
...A strange coincidence, to be sure...
Hmm...and who was it that suggested a change of diet? Who broke us from our steady, hard earned routine of pure, rich, coffee, and said "No, we need something else"? Who warped our minds and made us do what we have sworn never to do? Who, above all, took away our coffee? I do believe it was-
Me, yes, I know.
You, yes.
So...Danny...how do you feel about high-voltage wires?
Very funny.
I'm serious.
DOCTOR appeared!
Oh no.
Hello lads. Feeling a bit wonky?
I am perfectly unwonky. I appear to have swallowed something that wasn't coffee.
We can't have that now, can we? Okay, open wide...say "aaaah"
AAAAH!!!
...Not that loud, please...
No, something stabbed me...
SHEEP hides SCALPEL!
Please do not stab the patients. Now...from the looks of it, you're all suffering from Caffeine Deprivation Syndrome.
I could've told you that. Now, let's get on to curing this, hmm? I think I saw a machine as I came in...
It's not that simple, I'm afraid. You'll all have to be given coffee intravenously for the time being.
Intravenously? Why?
So we can get caffeine into your blood stream as quickly as possible.
...There's a quicker way to get coffee? WHY DIDN'T SOMEONE TELL ME?!
SHEEP, KITE and DUO are hooked up to IVs!
WEBMASTERS are ANESTHETIZED!
Oooh...you know, if you put coffee in the injection, you'd get a lot more patients...

A few days later...

Ah, it's good to be back at the office. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get something from the car...
What could he be getting...
SHEEP appears with an IV!
...What the hell...
That's right, I liked the hospital so much, I took home a souvenir!
Oh dear LORD.
SHEEP pours COFFEE into the IV!
Now I'll never have to use these primitive "cups" anymore! Hahaha!
Ah, this has made me tired. Looks like I'll head for bed...
SHEEP disappears, with his coffee-loaded IV!
Urrh...better prepare a report for the hospital - they'll want to know why we're going to wheel in a caffeine-addict with an coffee-filled IV strapped to his arm first thing tomorrow...
Shall I say he was "full of beans", before the accident?
...Full of beans...oh, very clever.
He was pretty "coughy" before it happened, too...
...Urrh. God, save me from the puns.
Oh, by the way, we have a secretary now...
Really? What's her name?
Cathleen.
...AAAH!

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