STORM SIX TO TEN

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Battle #6: Have you suffered any childhood trauma?
Date: January 16, 2001
Location: Crimson Psychiatry Inc.
Author: Sheep
Player: Dr. Crimson

Right then. What seems to be the trouble, Mister...Dent?
Well, you see-hey, where'd this spiffy green text come from?
Webmasters bought it on special. Came with a set of steak knives, you know.
Ah, I see. Anyway, my problem.
Yes, just let it all out. Go on.
Well...you see...there was...I was a character in a version that got blown up and I was killed three times and two times were being snapped in half by a giant puff thing and the other time I got erased and now I'm back in some terribly unpopular version with very little readers and I'll probably only be here for one battle anyway!
...it's a good job I'm not one of those psychiatrists that take notes...
Can you help me?
Of course I can.
CRIMSON puts on FALSE SMILE!
...it doesn't really help me if you TELL them it's false, does it?
You're a great idol to Narrators you know. I just wanted to be one of the few to piss you off.
Ah.
Anyway, Mr. Dent, I'm pretty sure I can help you.
Oh good! What medication are you giving me?
A new kind, actually. I shall demonstrate.
Carol!
SECRETARY: "Yes, Dr. Crimson?"
You suck.
CAROL flew across the room in pain!
MARK DENT feels overwhelmed with joy!

Now, you know that puff that snapped you in half once?
Twice, actually.
Er...right, twice then. Anyway, think of him for me.
Okay.
He sucks.
MARK DENT fell off his chair in pleasure!
And you hear that Narrator?
Yes?
He sucks too.
NARRATOR is SPEECHLESS!
...that's your idea of speechless?
Yes.
You suck.
...
That's better.
I can't thank you enough doctor! You've changed my life!
Oh, don't worry about that. Just leave your money on the desk on your way out.
MARK DENT left!
Ah, another client satisfied. Carol, do I have any important appointments this afternoon?
CAROL: "Er...there's a Mr. J. Ross at two, apparently he's ready to hang himself after your comment on one of his "pokey-battles"
Good lord, it isn't the Beavis and Butthead one, is it?
CAROL: "No...that one's tomorrow, at five"
Ah, 'tis a busy life I lead. Pop down to the coffee shop would you Carol?
CAROL: "Certainly doctor"
Oh, and don't go to that one on the corner, will you?
CAROL: "Why not?"
It sucks, of course.
CAROL: "I'll put its manager down for Wednesday at four..."

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Battle #7: Starring Ditto
Date: January 20, 2000
Location: Ditto36's Closet
Author: Duo
Player: Ditto36

DITTO is in CLOSET!
..Uh..
DITTO used UH!
DITTO says "..Uh.."
DITTO doesn't know what to WEAR!
..Uh.. o_O
Ja?
DITTO used JA!
DITTO picked out JAMAICAN SHIRT!
Va.
DITTO used VA!
DITTO picked out Bavarian Cream Filled Pants
DITTO likes DONUTS too much!
Ooooh... Shiny Donut thingy!
DITTO used EAT!
o_O
DITTO ATE PANTS!
..Uh..
PANTS were fully EATEN!
Ditto Saltwater Taffy! Er..
DITTO was instantly TELEPORTED to OCEAN!

Location: Ocean

DITTO used SALTWATER TAFFY!
TAFFY came out of the OCEAN in DITTO!
TAFFY is HUGE!
UH? OH!
OCEAN greatly fell..
..Uh..?
...on DITTO!
DONUT!!!! Er... OCEAN!!!!
DITTO is REACHING for SOMETHING in his PANTS...
...POCKET!
O_o;
DITTO got out WORMS2 CD!
DITTO is going BACK to his HOUSE in the BIG CITY!

Location: STORM VERSION STAFF ROOM MEETING PLACE THINGY

I want to play Worms 2!
Borrow my CD.
Ok, thanks ^_^
No problem.

Location: Big City

SHEEP appeared!
ALL HAIL...uh...GRAPE JELLO!
SHEEP is SHEEP....in the BIG CITY! (Yes.. You saw it coming from a million miles away.. It was so terribly unfunny you just couldn't laugh. Now you're going to laugh........because I command you to. LAUGH. LAUGH YOUR FAT OR SOMEONE LARGE REAR ENDS OFF! LAUGH!!!! MUAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH- Ok, I'll stop...)
Sheepo Keepo, W2W2W2?
DITTO wants to FIGHT!
SHEEP wants to FIGHT!
Get'm DONUTS #23098!
DITTO sent out DONUTS #23098!
Um. Heh heh. I chose ... hm... I have to pick one of Duo's stupid teams... he's got nothing but stupid teams here.. Go loco!
SHEEP sent out LOCO!
DONUT-FILLED DONUT used JUMP!
Yay! Jump!! JUMP! JUMP!!!
DONUT-FILLED DONUT is JUMPING up and DOWN!
DONUT is JUMPING on WATER!
O_O; How?
DONUT-FILLED DONUT used SINK!
What? DONUT-FILLED DONUT is evolving!
Oooooooooooooooh! Shiny Donut evolve thingy!
DONUT-FILLED DONUT evolved into WATER-FILLED DONUT!
x_x
Yay.
WATER-FILLED DONUT tests the WATER! [Water-filled Donut fell into the water]
WATER-FILLED DONUT fainted!
Send out next WORM?
Yes.
Ok.
...
...
...Donut.
...DITTO sent out a DEFAULT DONUT!
........Uh...
Heh heh heh.
LOCO is up!
CRAZY used ROPELIKEANIDIOT!
RAZY is SLEEPING with the FISHIES! [Crazy fell into the water]
LMAO
CRAZY fainted!
Send out next WORM?
Go Crazierest!
SHEEP sent out CRAZIEREST!
DEFAULT DONUT hatches a DEFAULT PLAN! [It's Default Donut's turn]
Uh. Use Minigun.
DEFAULT DONUT used MINIGUN!
MINIGUN's POWER SETTINGS were on MAXIMUM!
LEVEL was DESTROYED!
COMPUTER used EXPLODE!
...Uh....
BAA!
BIG CITY SANK like the TITANIC! [Big City fell into the water]
ACK
SHEEP used RUN!
Got away safely!
WATER used HYDRO PUMP!
DITTO was KILLED!
BATTLE was DECLARED a DRAW!

Location: Storm Version Meeting place thingy

So we killed off Ditto.
What'd ya think I was gonna make it do?
That was good, Duo.
CrimsonKing: "Actually, it sucked."
GUARDS!
CrimsonKing: "It sucks to be you!"
GAURDS ARRESTED CRIMSONKING!
CRIMSONKING was SENTENCED to LIFE!
This sentence is about life and it's very long and it has Crimson King in it... which, come to think of it, is in this sentence about life; Right here, that is (Crimson King is here, see?), and this sentence will go on for the rest of Crimson King's life...(If you are Crimson King, Click Here)
Bye CrimsonKing.
Baahahahahaha!
*** CrimsonKing was kicked from #battle (Arrested (Police (Trespassing on private property.)))

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Battle #8: The Webmasters Guide to Hiring Someone - A Trilogy in Three Parts

Part One: The Meeting Room at the End of the Universe  Date: 25th, January, 01 Author: Sheep

DUO! Where's my coffee?!
GET YOU'RE OWN BLOODY COFFEE! I'M WATCHING DRAGONBALL Z! GOKU JUST FRIED SOMETHING! AGAIN!
LAZY WEBMASTER! YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING AROUND HERE! IT'S A WONDER I DON'T JUST...KICK YOU OUT!
OH YEA?! YOU DON'T HAVE THE GUTS TO KICK ME OUT! I SHOULD KICK YOU OUT!
...what have I told you guys about using caps?
SHUT UP!
ARE YOU TELLING ME TO SHUT UP?!
NO!
LISTEN! WE HAVE TO STOP ARGUING!
STOP SHOUTING THEN!
MY CAPS LOCK KEY IS STUCK!
I'M THE ONE WHO'S WRITING!
TAKE CAPS LOCK OFF THEN!
OKAY!

AH, THIS IS MUCH-HEY! IT'S STILL ON!

SORRY!
Right, let's see-ah, good.
Right.
Obviously, we can't go on like this.
Yes, all the shouting...
...and use of the caps lock key...
SHUT UP!
...
Okay, there's only one solution to this...
...yes, we'll have to...
...GET A NEW WEBMASTER!
...you two have no idea how horribly cheesy that sounded, do you?
SHUT UP!

Two days later...

Ah, yes, you say you used to be a compulsive eater?
CANDIDATE: "Still am!"
And you once designed a character that, whenever it did something, did it 'cutely'?
CANDIDATE: "Yep."
And you're obsessed with a certain number?
CANDIDATE: "Totally obsessed."
We're sorry, but you're not what we're looking for.
CANDIDATE cried as he left!
Well, that's our last candidate...guess we might be out of luck...
Hmm...perhaps we don't really need a new Webmaster...
You're joking! Who will get my coffee?

The next day...

Hmm...lucky we found this next one...
Yes, he's due in in 5 minutes.
CANDIDATE entered!
Ah! Got up early for the interview, eh?
CANDIDATE: "Got up?"
Er...yes, anyway. What can you tell us about yourself?
CANDIDATE: "Well...there isn't a lot to tell, really. But I do enjoy killing off extras."
You do? Brilliant!
CANDIDATE: "Yes, it's been my hobby for a while now."
Here, have some green text.
Ah, thank you.
Now, in order for you to fit in here, you'll need to work with us. Let me introduce you to She-
*yawn*
I'm sorry, are we boring you?
No, it's just I didn't get much sleep last night...or the night before...or the night before that...or the night-
We get the point.
Ah yes, now, it says here you-good LORD! You're application is bleeding!
Yes, everything bleeds, you know.
Ah, yet another brilliant aspect of you, Mister...?
Ma-
'Like a drink?
Uh...please, yes.
What do you want? Beer, coke, orange ju-
ORANGE JUICE!
Er...right.
SHEEP left to the fridge!
Now, I'm VERY sorry about this, but if you were to join up with us...you'd have to get rid of your Mlissa character. 
Oh? Why?
Well...it seems she's escaping Flame and coming here, to badger my co-webmaster.
Badger him?
There's no other word for it.
I see...I guess I shouldn't have brought her with me then...
You did WHAT?!
SHEEP came back!
Ah yes, there's your orange juice, I hope it's good, and-ah! NO! NOT HER!
MLISSA: SHEEPY!
AAAAH!
Run Sheep! Move! She's right behind you!
...why is she running after him?
He didn't think she was kawaii.
Oh, well, that should wear off in a few-
He said she was ugly.
RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! SHE'S IN A FRENZY!

Several hours later...

Matt! You saved us!
It was easy.
It is my pleasure to welcome you to this versions staff.
Thank you, and may I say I'm really looking forward to working at Aqua!
Aqua?!
Yes, Aqua. You're Sabrina, right?
...
...
Of course you are. Hey, I was thinking. Are you free tonight? Cos I know this great place where we could-
GET OUT! GET OUT NOW!

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Battle #9: The Webmaster's Guide to Hiring Someone - A Trilogy in Three Parts

Part Two: No need for l337  Date: 31st January, 2001  Author: Duo  Player: Sir Chargon

P.S  I don't wanna here any shint from any readers about my not so good l337.. so if it bothers you then you suck... haha, you suck! :) -Author

Alright, so much for bloody Flame Version Matt thingy.
Duo, do you think we should call in the next applicant?
...Duo?
DUO is playing WORMS ARMAGEDDON DEMO!
Just great!
Can you get him, Narrator?
DUO clicked QUIT!
POPUP appeared!
POPUP: Sorry, this is not a feature of the Demo.

What the bloody hell kinda demo is that!? It doesn't let you QUIT!?!?!
HELP ME!
SIR CHARGON appeared!
..Are you the next applicant?
Urr|-|?
...
1'm l337 m4n! 1'm |-|3r3 70 54\/3 |)u0!
O_o;
SIR CHARGON is l337!
DUO used CTRL+ESCAPE!
It isn't very effective!

1'll |-|3lp!
SIR CHARGON unplugged DUO's COMPUTER!
DUO's COMPUTER fainted!

...!?
DUO's COMPUTER RESTARTED!
Oh, thanks..I think.
ASCII appeared!
ASCII: /V\ˮ |-|t/V\
SHEEP shileds EYES!

MAKE IT GO AWAY!!!! AGHHHH!!
j00 \/\/1ll 83 |)3|)! 1 \/\/1ll |<1ll j00 \/\/17|-| /\/\Y 5UP3R10|2 5|<1llZ!
SIR CHARGON puts on his CUSTOM "j00 |>3|> p|-|00" T-SHIRT!
ASCII: 't | Ht, 嵧 '|| k|| tHˮ w.

\/\/153 45(11, 4R3 j00? \/\/3ll j00 83 |>3|>.
This is getting weird... their voices seem scrambled... as if they are in a different language.
Almost like a cow, eh?
...
You're acting stupid today.
I know..I think. Hey, what day is it today?
Today is..um-
17'5 \/\/3|)|\|35|)4Y.
ASCII: , t' tH.
...4lR16|-|7, l37'5 |=16|-|7, 45(11!
ASCII: ߮g t !!
SIR CHARGON wants to FIGHT!
ASCII wants to FIGHT!
NARRATOR thinks this BATTLE will be STUPID!

It will be.
What's the point? Chargon will win, isn't it obvious?
|-|3|-|!
ASCII: wHt mk˧ ?
What'd it say?
Don't bother trying to pronounce it...
..you might implode.

Check this out, Duo!
SHEEP OF DOOM has TURPENTINE!
TURPENTINE: WARNING! If swallowed, can be harmful or FATAL, combustable.
DUO is playing with TURPENTINE!

PU7 7|-|47 |)0\/\/|\|, p|-|00.
Hehe! It smells funny!
O_o;
SIR CHARGON is a little THIRSTY!
1'll 83 R16|-|7 84(|<, 45(11, 50 \/\/3 (4|\| 8477l3.
ASCII: H Jt.
HEH.
SIR CHARGON returned with BOTTLED WATER!
DUO accidentally SPLASHED TURPENTINE in CHARGON'S BOTTLE!
SIR CHARGON didn't NOTICE this!
ASCII: wtH tH..

Uh-oh.
I see where this is going.
\/\/|-|47 4R3 j00 74l|<1|\|6 480U7?
..nothing.
Heh heh.
4lR16|-|7, 50|\/|3 600|) 0l3 |-|20! ^^
SIR CHARGON used DRINK!
SIR CHARGON DRANK BOTTLED WATER!
What? SIR CHARGON is COMBUSTING!
SIR CHARGON COMBUSTED into PILE OF SIR CHARGON!
ASCII: g˧ w.
JASON ROSS appeared!
JASON ROSS: Kick Warning -- Excessive use of ASCII

What? Heya Jason!
Jason...you updating the network?
ASCII: wHt t|kg t?
*** ASCII was KICKED from #storm by JASON ROSS (Excessive use of ASCII)

JASON ROSS wins!
HA!
GOOD JOB!
All hail... JASON!

DITTO: All hail..DONUT! ^_^;
Where'd he come from?
His mother's womb.
But Dittos are Genderless.
Then... wait a sec... O_O;;
Alright... so much for Sir Chargon as an applicant..
JASON ROSS: I gotta get goin', see you Storm Version!
See ya.
Bye Jason.
JASON ROSS disappears in a CLOUD of..
..RSACI.

o_o;
Heh.
Bring in the next applicant.
Okay, come in Miste-

Player: Co-Webmaster Applicant

I'm here to apply for a job as a Pokebattles Storm Version Co-Webmaster.
Alright, first off...
Have you owned previously or currently own a pokebattles website?
Yes..in matter of fact I own-
Thank you, we will now put you through a few tests in which your life-force may flicker for a few seconds.
Um..is this safe?
Of course. We just have to see if you are Storm Version material.
APPLICANT was put into LARGE CONTAINER OF JELLY-LIKE SUBSTANCE!
DOOR on CONTAINER was CLOSED!

Hm... the screen says he must always have a plotline...hn...
I hate plots. I guess we could deal with it, right?
It also reads that he...
TO BE CONTINUED...

Epilogue   Author: Sheep

Hmm...this candidate passed the tests, Duo.
With flying colours...
There's no other applicants left...
He will be train-er...a webmaster then?
It's no good. He's too old.
Wha?
Er..oops, must have lost concentration there.
Uh huh.
Well, I think he could be a powerful asset to our team.
I agree.
But, when he wakes up, he won't remember any of this.
Huh?!
Ugh, sorry again. Not fully awake today.
Right...
DOOMP-Er...WEBMASTER IS COMING!

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Battle #10: The Webmasters Guide to Hiring Someone - A Trilogy in Three Parts

Part Three: The Big Finale Date: 12th, February, 01 Author: Mr. Kite


LIQUID PORTAL appeared!
LIQUID INHABITANTS were DUMPED into STORM VERSION!
MR. KITE appeared!

...I prefer to be called webmaster, thank you.

THAT would be confusing.

...but I'm always called webmaster!

WEBMASTER appeared!
WEBMASTER appeared!

...oh, right...Sheep, Duo...gah, I gotta share now, eh?

Yes, Kite, you're a co-webmaster.

...Hey, have you ever had a 6 bq before? I HAVE! EVER BEEN ON THE TOP 5? NO! I SHOULD BE HEAD WEBMASTER HERE!

...are you sure we want this guy?

...I didn't invite him, I thought you did.

SHEEP and DUO facefault!

...so long as you're here, we're co-webmasters.

I have something you may have never seen before.

...oh?

What?

It's very precious, so don't oggle it, you may never see it again, IT'S CALLED TALLENT!

...It's called a serious need for a spell check.

...alright, now, we need a plot....

...we don't need a plot, we've done just fine without it.

You call a 4 bq fine? I think not....where's Duo?

TV is heard.

Oooh, whatcha watchin Duo?

DBZ!

Oooooh! Scoot over!

KITE and DUO watch DBZ!

Um, Kite, you have a battle to write.

Shhh, Krillin's getting his arse kicked for the 100th time.

...we already spoofed DBZ before Kite.

...oh.
...lez see here...I need a color...I think I shall take white.

THAT'S MY COLOR!

...I've always been white.

That's evident by your dancing.

...Duo, be quiet.
Fine, what do you suggest?

How about pink?

...no, ACK, YOU CHANGED MY COLOR! EVAHL! GIMME SOMETHING ELSE, NOW!

Ok....

Thanks...NO, NOT NEON GREEN EITHER!

Fine, fine.

Oooh, orange, kewlish.
Now, for a new player....
Player: Buddy


And, now for plot....umn...gah, we need a simple plot, something these children can handle.

..children?

How old are you guys anyway?

13...

AAAAAAAAH, I'M WORKING WITH BABIES!

I resent that o_O

...so, why am I here?

...Buddy, my dear Buddy...how would you like to be the head character of an rpg?

YOU CAN DO THAT?!

Of course, I am after all the webmas...er, co-webmaster.

Cool, what do I do in this rpg?

Easy, look for a portal to liquid.

Great, I'll head off right away!

BUDDY ran away!

...Kite, didn't you say that all portals to and from liquid are closed?

They are ^_^

You're eevahl, Kite.

I know, I know...well, that it?

Yup, think we about have this battle wrapped up...

Alright.

DUO and KITE watch DBZ again!

Ooooh, he killed the guy and he came back, I didn't expect that!

SHEEP runs away in disgust!
DUO goes into SEIZURE!

Oooooooh, seizure inducing, perfect!

KITE relaxes in the warm glow of anime.

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Player: Portal Man



Hello?!






What about me?!






I SAVED THE VERSION, YOU NIT!






...I dun have to take this you know.

Oh, sorry Portal Man.

Look, I'm heading out now, ok?

Fine by me.

PORTAL MAN took the portal!

...where'd ya send him?

Yellow version.

WHAT?!

It'll be fun ^_^