STORM TOURNEY ONE

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Tournament #1: Use the Force! And get a free steak knife!
Date: 10th February, 2001
Author: Sheep (Yes! It was me!) 

Note: This tournament takes place immediately after Storm Battle #9.

Okay, tournament time. Let's get these characters sorted out.
Right. I figure we'll stick Sheep in there, along with our new Storm character, Andrew.
Okay, good.
What about Jason and Crimson as our other two participants? Should be some fun...
Ooooh...

Location: Storm Version Tournament Stadium

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, let me welcome you to the first Storm Tournament ever!
You realize you're only talking to those kids from Cloud, and some stupid chef, right?
...no one else showed up?
No one else exists. Oh, there's Ditto36, but I hear he's caught up in some clothing. Apparently he has to eat his way out before sunrise.
Why before sunrise?
You know what happens when you leave grape jello in the sun?
I see.
Now, let's get this going. Reveal the obstacles!
OBSTACLES were REVEALED!
...where are they?
I just remembered. There aren't any. Apparently, when building a tournament stadium, you only get the obstacles that were already there before it was built.
And?
And our stadium seems to be conviently built on a large pile of air.
Great. Just great. You go to all the effort, then everything blows up in your face.
Cheer up. Remember, three people are gonna lose today. That's always fun to watch.
You're right there. Shall we begin?
We shall. You can do the honours.
Thanks. *ahem*. I DECLARE OPEN THE GAMES!

Ding ding ding! Round One, CrimsonKing vs. Sheep of Doom! BEGIN!
CrimsonKing
Sheep of Doom

...what the hell am I still doing here in this 4 BQ network site?
Helping to make it a 5 BQ network site. Now battle.
Hey, wait, I didn't sign up for anything like this...
Who said anything about signing up? You're a character, we get to do whatever we like with you. Now battle!
My opponent sucks. I refuse to battle.
Hey! I don't suck! YOU suck!
Aha, trying to beat me on my own arena, eh?
I wouldn't look so cocky. Now you shall feel the meaning of TRUE pain!
...your middle name isn't 'Andross' by any chance, is it?
No, my middle name is 'of'.
...right.
Battle, idiots!
Fine. Go, Worm3!
Carol, get me a cup of coffee and a win, now!
SHEEP sent out WORM3!
CRIMSON sent out CAROL!
Worm3, use Cluster Bomb!
Carol, coffee cups attack, now!
WORM3 used CLUSTER BOMB!
CAROL was CLUSTERED with BOMBS!
Uh..
CAROL is fully CLUSTERED!
...
CAROL used COFFEE CUPS ATTACK!
COFFEE CUPS were thrown!
It's not very effective...
Mwahaha. Those tin cans are no match for me!
Technically, they're called cups. And they're made of plastic.
Bah. Worm3, Petrol Bomb!
Carol, use fax!
WORM3 used PETROL BOMB!
PETROL was BOMBED!
Citizens of PETROL fled to BOMB SHELTERS!
...
CAROL used FAX!
WORM3 was fully faxed!
A copy of Worm3 is now at your house!
Who's house?
YOUR'S!
Right...
Carol, use-
Hey, it's my turn!
First in first served, Sheepy!
Dun call me Sheepy! 
DIE!
CAROL used DIE!
What? NO!
CAROL died!
No! My beloved secretary! I shall avenge you!
Mwahahaha. I've been waiting for you, Crimson.
Huh? I thought we arrived at the same time?
Shaddap and send out.
Bah. Go...RandomBOT!
Wha? I thought RandomBOT belonged to Kite?
Apparently Crimson gained ownership after the wedding.
There was a wedding?
Sure, it was beautiful.
Who was the best man?
FlareBOT.
Oooh, strong and silent.
Uh huh.
The minister?
BasicBOT.
That's good, it's talkative.
TofuBOT made a great bridesmaid. It caught the bouquet thingee, too.
Oooh, some bot's gonna be lucky in future.
Yep, I here it has its eyes on TowerBOT.
Isn't TowerBOT a bit old for young TofuBOT?
Er...if you two don't mind, we are running a tournament here...
Oh, of course, please continue.
Right.
CRIMSON sent out RANDOMBOT!
Oh, so you're not going to be honourable then?
What are you talking about?
I sent out my second. You should too.
Bollocks.
Fine, don't get the prize then.
There's a prize?!
Oh yes.
Fine. Come back, Worm3!
SHEEP withdrew WORM3!
SHEEP sent out TOASTER!
Mwahahaha. There is no prize.
What? NO!
Mwahahaha. RandomBOT, use your CONVERSATION attack!
BAH! Toaster, Pop Tart Throw!
RANDOMBOT used CONVERSATION!
VERSATION was greatly CONNED!
Crappy.
TOASTER used POP TART THROW!
BRITTANY SPEARS took flight!
MWAHAHAHA! GOODBYE, BRITTANY! SHE'S NOT SO LUCKY NOW, IS SHE? DIE!
BRITTANY SPEARS collided with RANDOMBOT!
RANDOMBOT was HIT!
RANDOMBOT was hit one more time, baby!
You suck.
RANDOMBOT used HAHA, YOU SUCK!
TOASTER sucks!
TOASTER's suckiness greatly rose!
Toaster! Don't give up! Use...HOUSE FIRE!
You've got to be joking...
Well, I did make him stupider.
It shows.
TOASTER used HOUSE FIRE!
SHEEP'S HOU-
You can do it Toaster!
SHEEP'S HOU-
Use the force!
TOASTER does not have that attack!
SHEEP'S HOUS-
Toaster! There's a knife waiting to jab itself into you! Just look behind you!
TOASTER screamed!
...kitchen appliances can scream?
Of course. But in the kitchen, NO ONE can hear you scream!
That was lame.
I do my best.
TOASTER fell over in panic!
TOASTER used HOUSE FIRE!
SHEEP'S HOUSE is on fire!
CRIMSON'S HOUSE is on fire!
YES!
Oh no, my house!
Get me to a phone!
CRIMSON used PHONE!
Now, what's the number for 911...oh wait, I know, it's the first three digits of Jason's number!
CRIMSON used DIAL!
CRIMSON dialed 911!
EMERGENCY 911! Available free from Jasongames!
Oooh, our first ad. I'll treasure this.
PHONE was engaged!
CRIMSON used RUN!
CRIMSON ran!
RUN, CRIMSON, RUN!
...Lame.
Uh huh.
CRIMSON left STADIUM!
SHEEP was declared the WINNER!
SHEEP is happy!
TOASTER is overly happy!
TOASTER fainted!
...oh no! Final match is up soon and I have no pokémon!

Dong Dong Dong! Round Two, Jason Ross vs. Andrew! BEGIN!
Jason
Andrew

I really don't want to be here, you know. I failed a chemistry test yesterday.
And I was busy eating McDonalds!
Tough. Now battle, none of this faffing about. I have stuff to do, you know.
You do not. Narrators don't do anything but narrate.
I'll have you know I'm going out with a girl in 3 hours!
Oh, of course. Narration dates. I can just see it now, the two of you romantically narrating each other eating. 
Shaddap.
I think we should battle. I have a lunch appointment to rush off to.
Oh, I'll come with you. I'll put it in my diary "Twelve thirty, Lunch with God".
WARNING! WARNING! Red Dwarf fans-only joke preceding! Non-british comedy fans vacate the area!
Uh huh.
Let's get moving.
Right. Go, Imperial Star Destroyer!
WHAT?!
WHAT?!
WHAT?!
WHAT?!
I can send out a large weapon of mass destruction, can't I?
...it's like, MASSIVE. One usually sends out pencils, toasters, small weapons, etc...it's..it's...MASSIVE! And where the hell, I mean where the HELL did you get A BLOODY STAR DESTROYER!?!?
Buy, Sell and Exchange.
...the trading newspaper?! HOW MUCH WAS IT?!
I traded in my mountain bike.
WHAT?!
Hey, I have a mountain bike I could trade...
Oh, let's get going. And Duo, remind me to fish out my bike later on, would you?
Gotcha.
Right, off we go then. Go, Monitor!
JASON sent out MONITOR!
Star Destroyer, use Turbolaser!
STAR DESTROYER used TURBOLASER!
LASER hit the TURBO BUTTON!
LASER is running at 133mhz!
...damn.
Monitor, Glare attack, now!
MONITOR used GLARE!
STAR DESTROYER has an ANTI-GLARE SCREEN THINGEE!
No effect!
Grr. For that, I shall steal your turn! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!
TURN was STOLEN!
Monitor, double team!
...isn't that another conventional attack?
Yes, but it's funny, so we allow it.
Oh, right.
MONITOR used DOUBLE TEAM!
What?! MONITOR is EVOLVING!
MONITOR evolved into TWO MONITORS!
Yes! Now you shall feel the meaning of TRUE-
We did that one already.
Oh.
Star Destroyer! Use Launch Fighters!
STAR DESTROYER launched FIGHTERS!
FIGHTERS fought!
And lost!
FIGHTERS fainted!
...right...
Two Monitors, now's your chance! Use-
TWO MONITORS cannot run without TWO VIDEO-CARDS!
TWO MONITORS didn't RUN!
TWO MONITORS walked!
Out of the stadium!
...NO!
Use next pokémon?
Yes. Go, Almighty Super Sandal!
JASON sent out ALMIGHTY SUPER SANDAL!
...why don't you just abbreviate it?
Do you have any idea what the first letter of each word in its name is? And what they form, when put together?
...oh.
Uh huh.
Star Destroyer! Use...um...oh, bugger it, just smash into the sandal!
STAR DESTROYER used SMASH!
SANDAL fainted!
STAR DESTROYER fainted!
Okay, time for my next pokémon!
Oh great. I suppose he's got the Lusankya, or maybe the Enterprise, or a Borg Cube?
Guess again! Go, M&M!
ANDREW sent out M&M!
...he goes from a weapon of major destruction to a candy that doesn't melt in your hand?
Yes.
Grr. Go me!
JASON sent out JASON!
M&M, use Melt in your Mouth!
M&M used MELT IN YOUR MOUTH!
M&M DIDN'T melt in your hand!
M&M melted in your MOUTH!
We did it!
We did it!
M&M: "I'm melting! This is all your fault!"
Ugh...another Star Wars reference that wasn't funny. WHEN WILL IT END?!
I have a feeling the horrible jokes'll stop in a week or two...
Oh, right, yes...
M&M fainted!
ANDREW sent out ANDREW!
I grow tired of this. To the void, weakling!
WEAKLING was sent to the VOID!
Mwahahahaha! I am still here!
...send him as well.
HIM was sent to the VOID!
Oh, just DIE!
ANDREW died!
Much better. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Doing doing doi-OW! BLOODY BELLS! Final round, Sheep of Doom vs. Jason Ross! BEGIN!
Sheep of Doom
Jason Ross

Let's move! The writer's getting sick of writing!
Gotcha. Go, LUKE SKYWALKER!
...wasn't he killed in The Saga Concludes?
No, look: "Lord Sloth, Emperor Sloth, The Green Valkyrie, The Yellow Archer, Garry Kasparov, James, Jessie, Rab, Da Revolution Man, and countless others were erased from existence." See, no mention of Luke Skywalker there.
...couldn't he be one of the 'countless others'?
What do you mean? Although I have never put Countless Others into a battle, it doesn't mean you can mock him.
...oh.
Now, send out, quickly!
Right. Go, me!
SHEEP sent out SHEEP!
...you haven't got any other pokémon?
No, I used them to fight Crimson, and they both fainted.
This shall be easy, then. Luke, use-
Oh, so you're not going to be honourable then?
What are you talking about?
I sent out myself. You should too.
Bollocks.
Fine, don't get the prize then.
There's a prize?!
Oh yes.
Very well. Luke, come back!
JASON withdrew LUKE SKYWALKER!
JASON sent out JASON!
YES! IT WORKED! THERE IS NO PRIZE! NOW YOU SHALL FEEL THE MEANING OF-
SHUT UP WITH THAT!
Okay.
BAH! I shall bend the rules! Return, me!
...you can't do that...
I AM THE ALMIGHTY WEBMASTER! I CAN DO ANYTHING!
Fine.
JASON withdrew JASON!
JASON sent out WATCH!
...watch?
Yes, the CHEATING WATCH OF RECORDED ANSWERS!
Well, OBVIOUSLY.
Mwahahaha. Watch, Sheep, as you're-
WATCH used WATCH!
WATCH watched SHEEP!
..no...watch as in the CLOCK, not watch as in 'keeping an eye on someone'...
WATCH kept an EYE on SHEEP!
SHEEP donated the EYE to CHARITY!
Ugh...horrible jokes...
CHARITY thanked SHEEP for the EYE!
...hasn't the Meg/Charity joke been used before?
MEG is very GRATEFUL!
MEG is full of GRATE!
MEG is very GREAT!
WARNING! WARNING! THIS STADIUM HAS EXCEEDED ITS HORRIBLE JOKES LIMIT! IF YOU WANT MORE HORRIBLE JOKES, YOU HAVE TO REGISTER THIS STADIUM!
...you didn't register?
I didn't think I'd need to...
IT IS NOT EXPENSIVE TO REGISTER TOURNAMENT STADIUM 5.0! TS 5.0 CONTAINS MANY HELPFUL FEATURES, AND FOLDS NEATLY UNDER THE BED!
Oooh, sounds good...
IF YOU DO NOT REGISTER, THIS NETWORK SITE WILL SELF DESTRUCT IN 10 SECONDS!
WHAT?!
PLEASE ENTER YOUR REGISTRATION KEY HERE: _______
Quick! Enter something!
REGISTRATION KEY HERE: registration key
THAT IS NOT A VALID REGISTRATION KEY.
...nice guess...
9 SECONDS!
Quick Sheep! You had better be leaving!
You're right! I'll just run-...hey, wait a minute, why aren't you leaving?!
8 SECONDS!
Duo! Grab the coffee machine!
SAVE MY DRAGONBALL Z TAPES!
Bugger the DBZ tapes! Goku's died 20 times already, he'll survive another!
7 SECONDS!
If I go down, I'm taking you with me!
LUKE: "Aaaaaaaaah!"
VADER: "Don't ever give up, my son."
Ah! Storm's going down and we've got a Star Fox 64/Star Wars crossover in progress! It can't get any worse!
VCR played DBZ!
AAAAH! IT GOT WORSE!
6 SECONDS!
If I leave, you'll win the tournament! I shall stay here until I win!
Mwahahaha! Only I can live through this destruction!
5 SECONDS!
We must escape! To the Sheepmobile, Duo!
Jumping Jellos, DoomSheep! We're not gonna make it!
4 SECONDS!
"Our Webmaster in California, Jason be thy name..."
Stop praying, idiot! I'm gonna die with you!
3 SECONDS!
If we hurry, we can escape to a non-updated version!
Right! Onward, to Dust Version!
CAR used START!
But it failed!
2 SECONDS!
I shouldn't have left the lights on! WE'RE GONNA DIE!
I WANT MY GOKU!
I WANT MY COFFEE!
1 SECOND!
I WANT MY MUMMY!
PLEASE ENTER REGISTRATION CODE: 7516GY791AS746TT0
Congratulations! You have registered this stadium! Now you can enjoy the features not previously included in the demo!
...Duo, you dead, man?
Yah man.
AH! JAMAICANS! I MUST BE IN HELL!
Tournament is over!
NO ONE wins!
...No one won? No one, as in my friend from Cloud Version Battle #5? I knew he had fighting spirit!
Actually, spirit was pretty much all he had...
NO ONE received the NON-EXISTANT AWARD!

Epilogue

So, we're not going to die then.
It seems not.
But...who entered the registration code?
I guess we'll never know...unless...
What?
Are you pondering what I'm pondering?
Probably, but I don't think tomato sauce goes with grape jello...
No, idiot! I meant the...you know...
Oh yes, of course...that...
Then...
Yes...
Mysterious...
Uh huh...
I've had enough of this. Can we end now?
Go right ahead...if that's what...I mean...you know...
Ack! Ending, now!
Ending...of course...
WEBMASTER IS COMING!

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