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PokéBattles Foxfire: War Event 1

Apocalypse From The Past

Act I: Breakdown

First published May 27, 2022
pokebattles-foxfire.neocities.org

Location: Mt. Winter Cave, Hiber's Office
Player: Hiber [4-0-0] Last Battle: Battle #48

The Amazon Rainforest has spontaneously evolved into the Amazon Death Desert.

That thought ran over and over through Hiber's mind. Now, planets getting destroyed and conquered was one thing. So long as it was entertaining. But ... What could Team Rocket get from destroying the Amazon Rainforest? They were money and power hungry, not destruction thirsty. It was very confusing.

Location: Amazon Death Desert

Location: Forest of Doom

It was here that the Resistance had decided to make their move. Team Rocket's main leadership, behind the mighty Leveller, had moved into the forest, heading in force towards the same mountain they'd initially raided to get the Doompuff serum in the first place - and it was here the Reistance had ambushed them, using the Incomplete Work Device to jam Team Rocket's Master Balls and leave them with only those Doompuff spinoffs they'd had out of their balls already.

As things stood, the Leveller was a burning ruin, and what seemed like every Tree in the Forest was attacking the convoy as well. Even so, Tree after Tree was instantly snapped in half as half-baked Doompuff copycats ripped through the forest around them in an effort, directed by their trainers, to pinpoint the source of the energy field that restrained their others. Carnsey, Confubat, FEARattata, Porygoner, Surge's Eightorb, Koga's Doomkoff, and Sabrina's Avada, the replacement for her lost Murdermime. And of course, Rocket Doompuff itself.

Abruptly, out of the trees--

The resulting Pokégod, still powerful but nowhere near immortal, was almost immediately torn apart by a massive barrage of branches, falling fruits and thrown cones, and various other attacks from miscellaneous Pokémon, weapons, and household objects, because the alternative was Team Rocket using another Doom Stone on it.

None of this particularly phased Giovanni, who pointed in the general direction of the source of the Devolution Beam. "There! That's where that beam came from, after it!"

He did not notice Hiber emerging from a plothole behind him at first, until the author in question spoke: "Hey, Giovanni. The Amazon's turned into a death desert. So... Was it your Doompuffs who did it? Because I hadn't expected anything like that to happen for another ten battles, at least..."

Giovanni whirled, pointed a finger. "... You! A perfect chance to spring our plan!"

Location: Mt. Winter Cave, Hiber's Office

And that was exactly when the Team Rocket Ninja that had been lurking in Hiber's office for the past several weeks made their move. In a flash, they slipped onto Hiber's PC with the login token they'd pickpocketed earlier. In a flash, they found this very War Event - saw where the words describing their actions appeared on screen, and typed in one additional line, with appropriate paragraph tags:

Hiber abruptly lost all author-related powers and defenses and became a mortal soul that could be killed or captured.

At this, Giovanni grinned maniacally, and brandished a Master Ball. "You see that?" he asked. "It's exactly what they did to Immortus back in the day. And now you, too, shall fall under Team Rocket's control. I wonder what the Doom Stone will do to you... Wait..." His expression turned to one with an enormous, stylized drop of sweat on the side of his face. "... You're not even paying attention... How are you even using that phone."

Hiber abruptly regained all previously lost powers and defenses and the Team Rocket Ninja was chased off by bees.

Giovanni blew a whistle, and a portion of the Doompuff spinoffs broke off, wheeled, and headed for Hiber. A wild-eyed, jagged-toothed Chansey wielding a meat cleaver. A coiled Ekans with big staring eyes, drooling venom, with a palpable aura of menace. A Jigglypuff with bloodshot eyes and razor-sharp teeth, drooling acid slobber as it flew in.

The battle itself was short, violent, and resolved instantly.

Hiber was not used to things not snapping in half under these circumstances, and so, tried again a few times, without fully considering the ramifications of why that might have failed...

Vertically. Right down the middle. Giovanni raised his brow in near disbelief. "... Well done, Rocket Doompuff." However, the rabid Jigglypuff in question - contrary to all expectations - appeared to take this as an insult, to predictable results...

Everyone noticed that one. It didn't matter if they were Rocket, Resistance, a Tree, or Ax Craig, who'd managed to stumble right back into the middle of the battle after coming back from the dead. Nobody could ignore the archvillain being eaten alive and the author being split vertically down the middle.

While most were simply shocked, one pair of eyes narrowed sharply. Those of Ariana Fusée - known more commonly as Rocket Executive - the only major character to have actually seen this beast before.

A silence broken only by calls of "DOOM! RABID! PUFF! JIGGLY! EVIL! OF!" ... Was suddenly broken as Executive spoke.

"... That's not just a Doompuff spinoff. I've seen it before."

Heads nearby turned to look at her--

"We saw it in the Amber-preserved Aqua Version. That's the original. The real deal. The Evil Rabid Jigglypuff of Doom."

Act II: Cataclysm

First published May 30, 2022
pokebattles-foxfire.neocities.org

Location: Forest of Doom
Player: Jane F. Deer Record: [6-1-4] Last Battle: Battle #44

And as the Narrator contemplated this fact, Doompuff stood up atop the wrecked Leveller - and pronounced the version's fate.

Just Doompuff foretold the Version's fate and roar-rasped out its horrid war cry, however, it was suddenly inundated in a barrage of branches so thick that the horrible monster was entirely buried - as every Tree in the forest simultaneously unleashed a coordinated Branch Toss, accompanied by various lobbed fruit, cones, and horribly dangerous weapons. All of this failed to have any meaningful impact on the creature, but it did draw its attention. Eager to inflict violence on others once again, it tore into the forest, snapping mighty Trees in half as if they were twigs and devouring wood and falling fruit without mercy.

At the least, this managed to stall for some time.

Without hesitation, every surviving Team Rocket Doompuff-knockoff launched their attack from all directions. Of course, with less of the essence of absolute chaos and destruction, with less creative essence in the first place, and with the inverse ninja rule against them, they could not last long, but nonetheless, hellish energy blasts bombarded the original.

"Well," Jane said, "That... Might have bought us some time."

"Some," Executive replied. "But not enough. We only had so many, and Giovanni had the Doom Stone. We can't make more. We need another plan."

On board the first battle station, Grand Moff Tarkin gave the order - "You may fire when ready," - and behind him, a nameless man in a black helmet replied: "Commence primary ignition."

On board the half-finished second, Emperor Palpatine spoke: "Now, witness the power of this fully armed and operational battle station! Fire at will, commander!"

Outside each of the two opposing battlestations, violent green beams converged in front of a central dish - and two lances of ruinous, planet-killing light shot out and caught Doompuff right between them.

Had the two converging beams passed a little closer, they would surely have blown the implicitly-Earth planet in question out of space. As it was, having Doompuff in orbit had given them a clear shot, and quite the fireworks show indeed - to resounding cheers. Right up until the moment when a certain pink puffball fell out of space like a meteor. A Rocket grunt approached the crater... Only to be devoured a moment later as Doompuff, visibly scorched and with black ichor mixed with its slobber, leaped up and ripped right through him -- and with a howling cry of "DOOOOOOM!", it proceeded to reclaim what was rightfully its.

"... It's back at full health..." Jane said.

"... And we're all out of spinoffs..." Executive replied.

"Oh! ... We could try throwing it into the HOCAKT," Steve suddenly chimed in.

"... The ... Hocakt?" Jane asked.

As the fireworks went off in the sky above, Steve pointed over right next to the entrance to Mt. Winter, where another doorway stood. It was big, over ten feet tall, and nearly as wide - but the double doors were clearly made of thrown together plywood and about as held together with duck tape, superglue, and silly putty as the rest of the Version was under the hood... Just a bit more obviously. Just above the door stood a poorly lettered sign, reading:

"HOCAKT. DO NOT ENTER. GARBAGE ONLY."

"... That ... might work," Jane said. Slowly. "I've never heard of a Doompuff surviving one of those... Or being thrown into one."

"Don't get your hopes up. In the meantime, how do you plan to get it in?" Executive replied.

"Yar. Ye can't exactly expect to just cram the foul beastie down a cannon," Pirate added.

The Mad Titan in question was piloting a small yellow helicopter with the name "THANOS" written on the side. It was in this ... Dropship-like vehicle, that he touched down. And he shouted at Doompuff: "You are unbalanced. If left unchecked you will destroy all life altogether and leave nothing in your wake...

Doompuff merely nodded enthusiastically. "... DOOOOM!!"

"... As I was saying..." the purple man replied. "Therefore...!"

"The abrupt invasion of the large angry man had given us one thing," Sam Excavator said. "Time. When the unseelie balloon shark from Hell was done with him, it turned its wicked eye on the unfortunate man's army - and ripped into them with not even so much as a hint of mercy. But while it did, we had time to go search for some way hidden in the past to find a weakness."

"He's right!" Jane said. "Let's look through the old archives. If it's got a weakness. It'll be there."

Without hesitation, the surviving members of the Resistance and Team Rocket set to work in the old Amber Archives - on phones, some on laptops, whatever they had. Nobody bothered to try to read ahead in this War Event for the simple reason that it had not yet been published publicly. One Rocket did dash inside Hiber's lair to try to read ahead... But found that the webmaster's computer had locked in the time Doompuff had been thrashing the version.

"Angemon!"

"We don't have Digimon yet!"

"Never mind, he's not strong enough anyhow..."

"Sailor Moon's stone thing!"

"We don't have them either!"

"Oh! The RSACi Cloud! ... Never mind, not enough power...!"

And as they delved and read, Doompuff tore through the assembled alien forces like they were tinfoil...

"Time's not up yet!" A fanatical woman's voice came from nearby, as the entire Church of the Iron Nail suddenly came into view, its acolytes and adherents armed with nailbats, nailguns, nailboards, and iron nail extensions, clad in heavy and spiky chain-nail, and supported by some spike-covered scrap tanks that appeared also to be covered in iron nails. These opened fire in a raspy salvo against Doompuff, and slow-motion footage would reveal the sabot shells in question to rather closely resemble large iron nails. Not the most efficient design, but more or less functional and capable armor-penetrators nonetheless.

Naturally, they had no effect on Doompuff except to draw its ire.

The balloon monster relentlessly, viciously tore into the cultists, who opened up with everything they had, firing nails, swinging with nails, clawing and batting relentlessly with nail weapons. It devoured them, snapped them in half -- but to its consternation, regardless of the pain and death, they laughed the whole way, continuing to attack viciously until they were physically incapable of it as well. It growled something angry -- something about being less fun to kill if they didn't suffer in the process.

And then...

Doompuff dived towards the Rocket Grunt in question -- only to freeze in midair as Jane's smartphone began booming out - in slightly tinny fashion, but still far better than any 2000s-era device its size could dream of - the agonizing and probably autotuned voice of Justin Bieber, singing about a baby or something.

Unfortunately, this had the residual effect of paralyzing nearly everyone else present just as badly as Doompuff. Jane fell to her knees, trying to cover her ears--

...And Terra, screaming "AAAAAUGH!!" and moving with all the speed of the Raichu-Flareon hybrid anthro alien robot he'd been turned into, suddenly dashed in and hit the deadly puffball with a high velocity wheelkick that sent the living apocalypse flying straight through the flimsy plywood doors of the HOCAKT and into the inescapable erasure beyond.

There wasn't anyone present who did not breathe a sigh of relief at that... Except Woodman, who instead simply said: "nice. >:]" ... Before pointing out something else: "hey wait it snapped u in half before how u still alive?"

"... And I quote," Terra replied, "'I hid myself while repairing myself...' If it's good enough for blondie, it's good enough for me... Anyway." He promptly fired off a Spark Chaser at Woodman, and the homing laser, not being nerfed by the Narrator's machinations, proceeded to chase him down until he exploded, to the relief of absolutely everyone else. Terra then resumed:

"As the oldest character in this version and interplanetary conqueror from the stars, I hereby claim this world as my own!"

Immediately, the Resistance and surviving Rockets were at each other's throats. NAHman accosted Executive for the return of his swords; Kate Rainer tossed a Pokéball at the particular Rocket who'd had her father Rainer in a ball; and multiple elements started lining up to go after Terra...

... when suddenly, there was a loud thump from inside the HOCAKT...

Then another Thump... And all eyes turned to the ruined gate -- and filled with horror as...

Usually good news -- but the horrid puffball was consumed in a growing, uncanny black light, like a twisted parody of evolution--

The blast ripped right through the location of the red voice, out into space, lancing through another alien invasion fleet, through Galactus (again), and through Nintendo's hypothetical entry into the "giant console wars" and beyond. Whether the Narrator was killed by this or not was not immediately clear - however - the 28-foot-tall abomination proceeded to turn its gaze on...

...Me?...

AAAAAAAAA---

Act III: Doom

First published June 2, 2022
pokebattles-foxfire.neocities.org

Location: Hell

And so it was. Not the typical Land of the Dead... But by Doompuff's own damnation, the entirety of Foxfire Version since Giovanni had ended up in this place, previously only mentioned as a one-off gag where Spongebob had been thrown. Fire and brimstone loomed below in nine circles. An unusual thing had happened in this place some time ago - as a direct result of Team Rocket's attempts to evolve a guy with the Doom Stone, a great deal of violence had occurred outside of Hell's typical parameters. Furthermore, even without that, Hell had never been designed as a very high capacity place, and now the abrupt introduction of an entire additional dimension to the place had most certainly overloaded its systems.

And so the first great war for Foxfire Version's fate ended, with a bang and a whimper, and with countless background immortal screams of the damned in the background. But what of Doompuff itself? Surely it was satisfied with the destruction it had wrought...?

Doompuff is and remains the property of EricMHE. Used with permission.
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