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PokéBattles Foxfire: War Event 1

Apocalypse From The Past

Act I: Breakdown | Act II: Cataclysm | Act III: Doom

Act I: Breakdown

First published May 27, 2022

Location: Mt. Winter Cave, Hiber's Office
Player: Hiber [4-0-0] Last Battle: Battle #48

The Amazon Rainforest has spontaneously evolved into the Amazon Death Desert.

That thought ran over and over through Hiber's mind. Now, planets getting destroyed and conquered was one thing. So long as it was entertaining. But ... What could Team Rocket get from destroying the Amazon Rainforest? They were money and power hungry, not destruction thirsty. It was very confusing.

HIBER is confused!
It hurt itself in its confusion!
... To be fair, I should've seen that one coming.
But it's a conundrum, isn't it?

Location: Amazon Death Desert

PLOTHOLE appeared!
HIBER appeared!
... Well, it certainly is a death desert.
Nothing left but burnt out trees and bleached bones.
Maybe I'll ask Giovanni.

HIBER ran away!

Location: Forest of Doom

It was here that the Resistance had decided to make their move. Team Rocket's main leadership, behind the mighty Leveller, had moved into the forest, heading in force towards the same mountain they'd initially raided to get the Doompuff serum in the first place - and it was here the Reistance had ambushed them, using the Incomplete Work Device to jam Team Rocket's Master Balls and leave them with only those Doompuff spinoffs they'd had out of their balls already.

As things stood, the Leveller was a burning ruin, and what seemed like every Tree in the Forest was attacking the convoy as well. Even so, Tree after Tree was instantly snapped in half as half-baked Doompuff copycats ripped through the forest around them in an effort, directed by their trainers, to pinpoint the source of the energy field that restrained their others. Carnsey, Confubat, FEARattata, Porygoner, Surge's Eightorb, Koga's Doomkoff, and Sabrina's Avada, the replacement for her lost Murdermime. And of course, Rocket Doompuff itself.

Abruptly, out of the trees--

What? Enemy FEARATTATA is devolving!
Congratulations! Enemy FEARATTATA devolved into RATICLAW!

The resulting Pokégod, still powerful but nowhere near immortal, was almost immediately torn apart by a massive barrage of branches, falling fruits and thrown cones, and various other attacks from miscellaneous Pokémon, weapons, and household objects, because the alternative was Team Rocket using another Doom Stone on it.

None of this particularly phased Giovanni, who pointed in the general direction of the source of the Devolution Beam. "There! That's where that beam came from, after it!"

He did not notice Hiber emerging from a plothole behind him at first, until the author in question spoke: "Hey, Giovanni. The Amazon's turned into a death desert. So... Was it your Doompuffs who did it? Because I hadn't expected anything like that to happen for another ten battles, at least..."

Giovanni whirled, pointed a finger. "... You! A perfect chance to spring our plan!"

... Plan? What plan?
HIBER is confused!
It hurt itself in its confusion!
GIOVANNI: Our master plan to take out you, then use your ability to write to extend our reach to the stars above and take over the entire multiverse of course!
I'm not sure what gives me more of a headache, the self-inflicted blows to the head or that plan...
HIBER is confused!
It hurt itself in its confusion!
OW. Rhetorical question. It's definitely the head blows. Can we move on...?
... YES!
BEAM singaled enemy ROCKET NINJA!

Location: Mt. Winter Cave, Hiber's Office

And that was exactly when the Team Rocket Ninja that had been lurking in Hiber's office for the past several weeks made their move. In a flash, they slipped onto Hiber's PC with the login token they'd pickpocketed earlier. In a flash, they found this very War Event - saw where the words describing their actions appeared on screen, and typed in one additional line, with appropriate paragraph tags:

Hiber abruptly lost all author-related powers and defenses and became a mortal soul that could be killed or captured.

At this, Giovanni grinned maniacally, and brandished a Master Ball. "You see that?" he asked. "It's exactly what they did to Immortus back in the day. And now you, too, shall fall under Team Rocket's control. I wonder what the Doom Stone will do to you... Wait..." His expression turned to one with an enormous, stylized drop of sweat on the side of his face. "... You're not even paying attention... How are you even using that phone."

Hiber abruptly regained all previously lost powers and defenses and the Team Rocket Ninja was chased off by bees.

... It's 2022. I don't even need my PC to update the site... Technically.
GIOVANNI is angry!
GIOVANNI says that's not fair!
It's as fair as somehow sneaking a ninja into my house is...
I swear, I need better security, first you lot raid Amber, then Sam and Nineties Man raid my ideas vault, now there's ninjas in my house...
Anyway, about the Amazon? Was that you?

GIOVANNI is angry!
GIOVANNI wants to fight!
No! There's no running from a POKé BATTLE!
... he made eye contact didn't he ...
But you have to answer me properly when I win. This is actually kiiind of important -- if you didn't, something funny is definitely going on, and that's the bad kind of funny.

Giovanni blew a whistle, and a portion of the Doompuff spinoffs broke off, wheeled, and headed for Hiber. A wild-eyed, jagged-toothed Chansey wielding a meat cleaver. A coiled Ekans with big staring eyes, drooling venom, with a palpable aura of menace. A Jigglypuff with bloodshot eyes and razor-sharp teeth, drooling acid slobber as it flew in.

The battle itself was short, violent, and resolved instantly.

HIBER instantly snapped enemy HECKANS in half!
HIBER instantly snapped enemy CARNSEY in half!
HIBER instantly snapped enemy RABID JIGGLYPUFF in half!
... But, it failed!
...Wait, what?

Hiber was not used to things not snapping in half under these circumstances, and so, tried again a few times, without fully considering the ramifications of why that might have failed...

HIBER instantly snapped enemy RABID JIGGLYPUFF in half!
... But, it failed!
HIBER instantly snapped enemy RABID JIGGLYPUFF in half!
... But, it failed!
Enemy RABID JIGGLYPUFF instantly snapped HIBER in half!
... But, it ... succeeded!?

Vertically. Right down the middle. Giovanni raised his brow in near disbelief. "... Well done, Rocket Doompuff." However, the rabid Jigglypuff in question - contrary to all expectations - appeared to take this as an insult, to predictable results...

Enemy RABID JIGGLYPUFF instantly devoured GIOVANNI!
...Needless to say, GIOVANNI died!

Everyone noticed that one. It didn't matter if they were Rocket, Resistance, a Tree, or Ax Craig, who'd managed to stumble right back into the middle of the battle after coming back from the dead. Nobody could ignore the archvillain being eaten alive and the author being split vertically down the middle.

While most were simply shocked, one pair of eyes narrowed sharply. Those of Ariana Fusée - known more commonly as Rocket Executive - the only major character to have actually seen this beast before.

A silence broken only by calls of "DOOM! RABID! PUFF! JIGGLY! EVIL! OF!" ... Was suddenly broken as Executive spoke.

"... That's not just a Doompuff spinoff. I've seen it before."

Heads nearby turned to look at her--

"We saw it in the Amber-preserved Aqua Version. That's the original. The real deal. The Evil Rabid Jigglypuff of Doom."

Act II: Cataclysm

First published May 30, 2022

Location: Forest of Doom
Player: Jane F. Deer Record: [6-1-4] Last Battle: Battle #44

Well... Uhh... Holy frick.
That is not good.

NARRATOR agrees!

And as the Narrator contemplated this fact, Doompuff stood up atop the wrecked Leveller - and pronounced the version's fate.


Just Doompuff foretold the Version's fate and roar-rasped out its horrid war cry, however, it was suddenly inundated in a barrage of branches so thick that the horrible monster was entirely buried - as every Tree in the forest simultaneously unleashed a coordinated Branch Toss, accompanied by various lobbed fruit, cones, and horribly dangerous weapons. All of this failed to have any meaningful impact on the creature, but it did draw its attention. Eager to inflict violence on others once again, it tore into the forest, snapping mighty Trees in half as if they were twigs and devouring wood and falling fruit without mercy.

At the least, this managed to stall for some time.

Okay, so if this is the real Doompuff, how exactly did it get here!?
ROCEKT EXECUTIVE: Theoretically, it should be dead. It died at the end of Aqua War Event #3...
EXECUTIVE: ...Which doesn't exist on the Internet Archive version...
EXECUTIVE: ... we let it out, didn't we.
... Yes!
Okay, well that's ... Bad.
More importantly: What can we do about it now?

EXECUTIVE: It was practically invincible even at the time. That was the point of copying it.
DARKSTEVE: How'd they kill it the last time?
EXECUTIVE: Something involving a falling XBox ripping apart space-time...
DARKSTEVE: Well phooey, anyone got a really big PS5?
What? FOREST OF DOOM is devolving!
Congratulations! Your FOREST OF DOOM devolved into UGLY CLEAR-CUT OF DOOM!
Well, whatever we're gonna do, we better do it fast...
EXECUTIVE: Attention all Rockets! The enemy is Doompuff. Attack!

Without hesitation, every surviving Team Rocket Doompuff-knockoff launched their attack from all directions. Of course, with less of the essence of absolute chaos and destruction, with less creative essence in the first place, and with the inverse ninja rule against them, they could not last long, but nonetheless, hellish energy blasts bombarded the original.

PORYGONER's attack missed!
MARISA: ... oh wow, it's even better at dodging than me...
No kidding?!
It doesn't affect enemy DOOMPUFF!
Forces collide!
Enemy DOOMPUFF was blown to orbit!
ROCKET DOOMPUFF was blown to bits!

"Well," Jane said, "That... Might have bought us some time."

"Some," Executive replied. "But not enough. We only had so many, and Giovanni had the Doom Stone. We can't make more. We need another plan."

So. What do we do?
EXECUTIVE: In War Event #3, it was ultimately killed by being sandwiched between a triple anti-Death-Star beam, and an array of beams from aforementioned giant X-Box...
Say no more!
DEATHSTAR appeared!
DEATHSTAR2 appeared!

On board the first battle station, Grand Moff Tarkin gave the order - "You may fire when ready," - and behind him, a nameless man in a black helmet replied: "Commence primary ignition."

On board the half-finished second, Emperor Palpatine spoke: "Now, witness the power of this fully armed and operational battle station! Fire at will, commander!"

Outside each of the two opposing battlestations, violent green beams converged in front of a central dish - and two lances of ruinous, planet-killing light shot out and caught Doompuff right between them.

DARKSTEVE: ... Hey, wait, don't I know that guy?...

Had the two converging beams passed a little closer, they would surely have blown the implicitly-Earth planet in question out of space. As it was, having Doompuff in orbit had given them a clear shot, and quite the fireworks show indeed - to resounding cheers. Right up until the moment when a certain pink puffball fell out of space like a meteor. A Rocket grunt approached the crater... Only to be devoured a moment later as Doompuff, visibly scorched and with black ichor mixed with its slobber, leaped up and ripped right through him -- and with a howling cry of "DOOOOOOM!", it proceeded to reclaim what was rightfully its.

DOOMPUFF restored HP!

"... It's back at full health..." Jane said.

"... And we're all out of spinoffs..." Executive replied.


"Oh! ... We could try throwing it into the HOCAKT," Steve suddenly chimed in.

"... The ... Hocakt?" Jane asked.


As the fireworks went off in the sky above, Steve pointed over right next to the entrance to Mt. Winter, where another doorway stood. It was big, over ten feet tall, and nearly as wide - but the double doors were clearly made of thrown together plywood and about as held together with duck tape, superglue, and silly putty as the rest of the Version was under the hood... Just a bit more obviously. Just above the door stood a poorly lettered sign, reading:


"... That ... might work," Jane said. Slowly. "I've never heard of a Doompuff surviving one of those... Or being thrown into one."

"Don't get your hopes up. In the meantime, how do you plan to get it in?"

Executive replied.

"Yar. Ye can't exactly expect to just cram the foul beastie down a cannon,"

Pirate added. BLACKORDER appeared!
THANOS appeared!
... Oh joy. So is it the MCU version with the nonsensical philosophy that ignores exponential growth, or the comics version who wants to get with Death or something?
THANOS: Ehh... Little column A, little column B, little column C...

The Mad Titan in question was piloting a small yellow helicopter with the name "THANOS" written on the side. It was in this ... Dropship-like vehicle, that he touched down. And he shouted at Doompuff: "You are unbalanced. If left unchecked you will destroy all life altogether and leave nothing in your wake...

Doompuff merely nodded enthusiastically. "... DOOOOM!!"

"... As I was saying..." the purple man replied. "Therefore...!"

THANOS snapped UNIVERSE in half!
It doesn't affect DOOMPUFF!
DOOMPUFF snapped THANOS in half!
THANOS: I die as I lived... perfectly balanced... Fitting...
THANOS: Death, take me in your sweet embrace...
DEATH: No sir! I've only got enough embrace for one man and that's Nineties Anti-Hero Man.
NAHMAN: (Why is it like this...)
...Well... That was a digression that went nowhere.

"The abrupt invasion of the large angry man had given us one thing," Sam Excavator said. "Time. When the unseelie balloon shark from Hell was done with him, it turned its wicked eye on the unfortunate man's army - and ripped into them with not even so much as a hint of mercy. But while it did, we had time to go search for some way hidden in the past to find a weakness."

"He's right!" Jane said. "Let's look through the old archives. If it's got a weakness. It'll be there."

Without hesitation, the surviving members of the Resistance and Team Rocket set to work in the old Amber Archives - on phones, some on laptops, whatever they had. Nobody bothered to try to read ahead in this War Event for the simple reason that it had not yet been published publicly. One Rocket did dash inside Hiber's lair to try to read ahead... But found that the webmaster's computer had locked in the time Doompuff had been thrashing the version.


"We don't have Digimon yet!"

"Never mind, he's not strong enough anyhow..."

"Sailor Moon's stone thing!"

"We don't have them either!"

"Oh! The RSACi Cloud! ... Never mind, not enough power...!"

And as they delved and read, Doompuff tore through the assembled alien forces like they were tinfoil...


Oh shoot, it's back... Time's up, anything!?

"Time's not up yet!" A fanatical woman's voice came from nearby, as the entire Church of the Iron Nail suddenly came into view, its acolytes and adherents armed with nailbats, nailguns, nailboards, and iron nail extensions, clad in heavy and spiky chain-nail, and supported by some spike-covered scrap tanks that appeared also to be covered in iron nails. These opened fire in a raspy salvo against Doompuff, and slow-motion footage would reveal the sabot shells in question to rather closely resemble large iron nails. Not the most efficient design, but more or less functional and capable armor-penetrators nonetheless.

Naturally, they had no effect on Doompuff except to draw its ire.

The balloon monster relentlessly, viciously tore into the cultists, who opened up with everything they had, firing nails, swinging with nails, clawing and batting relentlessly with nail weapons. It devoured them, snapped them in half -- but to its consternation, regardless of the pain and death, they laughed the whole way, continuing to attack viciously until they were physically incapable of it as well. It growled something angry -- something about being less fun to kill if they didn't suffer in the process.

And then...

ROCKET GRUNT: I found it!
ROCKET GRUNT: War Event #2! Backstreet Boys!
Oh, it doesn't like the Backstreet Boys, does it? Well then get a load of this...

Doompuff dived towards the Rocket Grunt in question -- only to freeze in midair as Jane's smartphone began booming out - in slightly tinny fashion, but still far better than any 2000s-era device its size could dream of - the agonizing and probably autotuned voice of Justin Bieber, singing about a baby or something.

Unfortunately, this had the residual effect of paralyzing nearly everyone else present just as badly as Doompuff. Jane fell to her knees, trying to cover her ears--

...And Terra, screaming "AAAAAUGH!!" and moving with all the speed of the Raichu-Flareon hybrid anthro alien robot he'd been turned into, suddenly dashed in and hit the deadly puffball with a high velocity wheelkick that sent the living apocalypse flying straight through the flimsy plywood doors of the HOCAKT and into the inescapable erasure beyond.

DOOMPUFF ... isn't here!
TERRA: Phew...

There wasn't anyone present who did not breathe a sigh of relief at that... Except Woodman, who instead simply said: "nice. >:]" ... Before pointing out something else: "hey wait it snapped u in half before how u still alive?"

"... And I quote," Terra replied, "'I hid myself while repairing myself...' If it's good enough for blondie, it's good enough for me... Anyway." He promptly fired off a Spark Chaser at Woodman, and the homing laser, not being nerfed by the Narrator's machinations, proceeded to chase him down until he exploded, to the relief of absolutely everyone else. Terra then resumed:

"As the oldest character in this version and interplanetary conqueror from the stars, I hereby claim this world as my own!"

Immediately, the Resistance and surviving Rockets were at each other's throats. NAHman accosted Executive for the return of his swords; Kate Rainer tossed a Pokéball at the particular Rocket who'd had her father Rainer in a ball; and multiple elements started lining up to go after Terra...

... when suddenly, there was a loud thump from inside the HOCAKT...

Then another Thump... And all eyes turned to the ruined gate -- and filled with horror as...

Enemy DOOMPUFF appeared!
Enemy DOOMPUFF is in critical condition!

Usually good news -- but the horrid puffball was consumed in a growing, uncanny black light, like a twisted parody of evolution--

What? Enemy DOOMPUFF is evolving!

The blast ripped right through the location of the red voice, out into space, lancing through another alien invasion fleet, through Galactus (again), and through Nintendo's hypothetical entry into the "giant console wars" and beyond. Whether the Narrator was killed by this or not was not immediately clear - however - the 28-foot-tall abomination proceeded to turn its gaze on...



Act III: Doom

First published June 2, 2022

Location: Ugly Clear-Cut of Doom, Outside Mt. Winter
Player: Hiber

... Well.
That was... Painful.
At least it didn't eat me. Seems Giovanni wasn't so lucky.

Is... Is that Venom Deathpuff.
I... better read up on what happened while I was out.
poké battles fox fire dot ne ocities dot org...


Oh. Apparently it killed the Narrator and ate the <p> tag. So... We don't have story mode.

... Hmm.
I need some sort of narration if I'm going to write a way out of this.

Wonder if I can do it the old way...
NARRATOR appeared!
Wild NARRATOR appeared!
...A NARRATOR draws near!
But, it failed!... As they say.
Ah well, worth a shot.


Location: Ugly Clear-Cut of Doom

Well, that worked. So, maybe I could do time...
No, that wouldn't work, it's not like this setting has anything resembling consistent time travel...

I laid back on my back and stared at the burning sky, watching the orange light and smoke that filled the air from the destruction I knew was happening. I didn't listen to the screams or to the shouts, and ignored the shaking of the Earth below me as that ... unconscionable, monstrously sized, balloon thing walked. The bottom of my empty bottle of brandy gave me no solace. Armageddon was a heavy thought.
I felt lighter, still heavy, footsteps near me. I looked up to see the form of my fate, and it opened its mouth and--

... Oh, you'll do. You're promoted to Ad-Hoc Narrator, congratulations.

Player: Sam Excavator, Private Investigator [5-2-1] Last Battle: #54

I know I said I wouldn't do the thing where I have multiple player colors outside a tournament, but this is an exception... And Sam is Sam...
...Sam, is NAHman still here? What about Mew?

My bemuscled and leather-clad associate was here as well. As was the self-levitating cat, which continued to quietly grumble obscenities and foreign language under its breath. As we spoke, the redheaded concigliere who'd kicked all of this insanity off walked up with a gray-haired man in a labcoat with a wicked grin, wicked eyebrows, and a wicked scar above his left eye.
My partner took some offense at that. He and the redhead exchanged some rather harsh words I'd not care to repeat here, and not just for fear of the abrupt, death-odored storms that seem to follow obscenities.
This went on for some time -- until I heard the distant pounding footsteps of the hellbeast grow quiet... Then resume and start coming towards us.

... Yeah, about that. Venom Deathpuff looks bored of killing people and destroying infrastructure offscreen... It just finished crunching up Mount Lion and now it's heard us. Executive, NAHMan, expedite it, please?...
Harsh words were abruptly cut off by the sight of the three story drooling ball of teeth advancing towards us. Swords were handed over - along with a stern instruction to come over and learn to care for them properly if we lived, as the end approached.

Of course, the very first thing we'd tried upon its evolution was to have the fetal creature we'd captured and used in battle already. That was why we'd had it, after all. But the first time ... Though it had appeared to start to revert - it had just brought itself back to full power right away.
This time was different.
The beam of light lanced out from the creature's forehead, struck the rotund and toothy colossus, and it began to glow like an Edison bulb and shrink -- only for the glow to grow as black as tar at Antarctic midnight as it began to grow once more.
And then the gray-headed man cut in all of a sudden and shouted out, in words I will never forget, and I quote: "Doompuff! Now is not the time to use that!"

His efforts were not in vain - the black aura faded and the monster regressed to the form we'd seen before. A smaller form, only about a foot tall, as big as a soccer ball - if soccer balls could rend one limb from limb. It was in effect more like a cannonball as it shot forward right through him, rebounded off the ground, and abruptly tore my compatriot and the dame to flinders before AAAAAUGH--

Oh gaddommit, him too!?
Oh no you don't, you're not getting me again, but what do I even have left!?
Dammit, damn it all...!

ALL was fully DAMNED!
It doesn't affect enemy DOOMPUFF!
...wait, what?

Location: Hell

... Wait, you survived?
You were hit by that star-killing move. How...?

NARRATOR held on using its FOCUS SLASH!
... There's no way that should've worked... But I'm glad it did...
So... This is Hell?

And so it was. Not the typical Land of the Dead... But by Doompuff's own damnation, the entirety of Foxfire Version since Giovanni had ended up in this place, previously only mentioned as a one-off gag where Spongebob had been thrown. Fire and brimstone loomed below in nine circles. An unusual thing had happened in this place some time ago - as a direct result of Team Rocket's attempts to evolve a guy with the Doom Stone, a great deal of violence had occurred outside of Hell's typical parameters. Furthermore, even without that, Hell had never been designed as a very high capacity place, and now the abrupt introduction of an entire additional dimension to the place had most certainly overloaded its systems.

JANE appeared!
JANE: Soo... Uhh... Did we win or lose? This really feels like some sort of cop-out...
Well, the whole version died, but it's still in a writable state, so... I think we left Doompuff in the void...
Maybe we can come back to life if it goes away. Or come back to life somewhere else.
Right now I have ideas for battles set in Hell...

JANE: Sooo... What about the Doompuff spinoffs? They got ... drained?
I mean it ate the Doom Stone's power. So ... I don't know? Let's worry about that later...
JANE: This still feels like a cop-out, we all die but nobody actually dies?
Well, Giovanni's dead, and...
There's no will to fight!
... It totally destroyed my plushie collection ;-;

And so the first great war for Foxfire Version's fate ended, with a bang and a whimper, and with countless background immortal screams of the damned in the background. But what of Doompuff itself? Surely it was satisfied with the destruction it had wrought...?


Location: The Infinite Void, Former Foxfire Version
Player: The Evil Rabid Jigglypuff of Doom


VOID wants to fight!
VOID was instantly devoured!
VOID is angry!
VOID persists!
It's not very effective...
This could go on for a while...
Battle ended in a draw!

Doompuff is and remains the property of EricMHE. Used with permission.
If you enjoyed the war event, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.

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