Aqua Battle 108: Mike Wants a Beat-Down Feb 02, 2002
Writer: EricMHE
Location: Outskirts of Loserville
Player: Mike

Whoo-hoo! I get a battle!
NARRATOR wishes you'd show more GRIEF at the OCCURANCE!
What? I just love the attention.
NARRATOR thinks you'll change your MIND soon!
KNOCK was heard!
Oh, someone's visiting me?
MIKE looks out SPYHOLE and sees SABRINA!
ACK!
MIKE hides behind a WALL!
She wants to kill me again, doesn't she?
NARRATOR notes that she, sadly, has not SUCCEEDED YET!
Uh?
NARRATOR says she didn't kill you BEFORE, she can't kill you AGAIN!
What?
MIKE hurt himself in his confusion!
Ow!
I just meant…she'd stopped that "kill us" thing for a while… now she's back to it?
NARRATOR assures MIKE that SABRINA does not wish to KILL him!
Whew, that's good…
BUT, she's quite likely going to BEAT you a WHILE with intent of MAXIMUM INJURY!
…well, I suppose it's better than death.
NARRATOR doesn't think it would let MIKE die anyway!
Land of the Dead BATTLES are too UNCOMMON!
Sadistic son of a bitch.
NARRATOR notes that it isn't a 'SON' of ANYTHING, but THANKS anyway!
…
SABRINA knocked your DOOR down!
SABRINA: I know you're in here dweeb, just come out and face your fate!
MIKE hides in GARBAGE CAN!
My fate is to live a long life as a valued major character thank you!
SABRINA: In the garbage. How appropriate for you.
MIKE pokes head out of GARBAGE CAN!
Awww…how'd you know?
SABRINA: Well, the narrator did kind of announce it in that big booming voice he has.
What? No psychic jokes?
SABRINA: I'd hate to be an even bigger cliché than I am already. Now, get out of there. Being Aqua, the garbage can could like…eat you or something. As amusing as that would be, I don't think it would fit into the general plot to have you die so anti-climatically.
Nothing about killing me yourself?
SABRINA: Truthfully, I've decided I have better things to do. I'm likely to vent a little stress, but mostly I've decided I want you to come along with me.
… why's that?
Even MIKE has the brains to be SUSPICIOUS! Interesting.
SABRINA: Well, obviously one of those big climatic battles is coming up. It's time to go and get our butts kicked. However, to avoid fainting, I am using you as a human shield. And as a punching bag for my own stress.
Gee…I'm touched. I'll take my chances inside the garbage.
SABRINA: I'll make you come whether you want to or not. This can be easy or painful all the way.
Would it dissuade you from this plan of action if I were to say I was a masochist?
SABRINA: …I rather believe it would, so you're not getting the chance.
SABRINA stuffs SOMETHING in MIKE's mouth as a GAG!
SABRINA closes LID!
SABRINA picks up GARBAGE CAN and WALKS outside!
Mmph.
MIKE, unable to SPEAK, gets out MORSE CODE DISTRESS SIGNAL!
SLOWLY puts out 'HELP! This is Mike The Weird! HELP ME! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HEEELLPP MEEE!!'
NARRATOR wonders who the HELL is going to LISTEN to such a CALL!

Location: Sidekick Convention
Player: Haunter

Haunt, haunter, haunt…
HAUNTER's personal messenger goes off!
GYARADOS: RAAR?
HAUNTER turns it on!
PERSONAL MESSENGER: *beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep*
POPCORN SHRIMP: What the hell?
HAUNTER turns it off!
HAUNTER says it was a WRONG NUMBER!

Location: Streets of Loserville
Player: Mike

NARRATOR informs MIKE that he is on his OWN!
Murphallpphhh-pffft!!
SABRINA: Shush you. I don't want to take the risk RSACi clouds can decipher that sort of thing. Ug…this thing is heavy, I think I'll let you walk…
SABRINA turns TRASH CAN upside down!
SABRINA shakes it until MIKE falls out!
The IMPACT causes MIKE to SWALLOW the OLD SOCK that SABRINA used as a gag!
EWWW!!! CRAAAPP!!! If I get sick I hope it's contagious, because I'll be doing everything I can to infect you.
SABRINA: Fool never catches a cold. I would think that would make you immune to every disease under the sun.
If I die, know that I'm going to haunt you. How would you like that eh? Every day of your bitter, cruel life, you'll have at least one look at me!
MIKE makes WEIRD faces!
SABRINA: I shall endeavor to make sure the damage you take is not enough to cause death in that case.
You better.
Ug, so what are we going to try and save the world from this time?
SABRINA points up!
An X-Box. Interesting…
First it's a Jigglypuff, then it's a video game console. What's next for this version? A giant man-eating wombat?
SABRINA: …
NARRATOR thinks its been DONE!
And pointless X-Box bashing hasn't?
Point!
Alright, let's get going… There hasn't been a battle yet and if a Pokébattle is going to feature the glorious return of Mike, he must surely defeat something in combat!
SABRINA blinks dumbly!
NARRATOR thinks about this! …OH! OOOH, it's been a WHILE!
SABRINA is confused!
SABRINA: Don't you dare.
Or WHAT? You'll rip NARRATOR's TONSILS out? Please, disembodied voice you know.
SABRINA hurt itself in its CONFUSION!
SABRINA: I tried to warn you…
SABRINA hurt MIKE in its anger!
Oww…why'd you hurt me?
SABRINA: You squeal more.
Hmm…what here looks likely to fight… ah-ha!
MIKE kicks MAILBOX!
MAILBOX's feelings were hurt! MAILBOX's morale greatly fell!
MAILBOX says it just stays out here doing its JOB and this is the THANKS it receives?!
…
SABRINA: …
Quite nonviolent for an inanimate object isn't it?
SABRINA: That it is. How weird.
MAILBOX says it would appreciate being left alone to SULK now!
What a disappointment.
YOU! HEY YOU!
MIKE charges at RANDOM PERSON in the STREET!
I want to fight!
RANDOM PERSON continues along on EVERYDAY BUSINESS!
…this version isn't as fun as it used to be…
SABRINA: You truly do confound me. I would think you would want all possible HP before battling the X-Box.
…Experience! Leveling up! You know! Oi, really, some of the most basic things you have to explain to people…
SABRINA: I believe time could be important here.
Oh it is not. That X-Box has been falling a couple months now, it's not hitting anytime soon. It'll wait until we're all there to battle it in a final fate-of-the-planet deciding battle.
SABRINA: … since when do YOU have things figured out?
Please, you're looking at a dedicated Final Fantasy fan. I know all about plot oddities. Plus…I've been spying in mIRC. Just hope they don't find me out about my sneaking in.
SABRINA: That makes no sense.
That X-Box is bigger than this planet. The Evil Jigglypuff was immortal. Need I continue?
SABRINA: I think that old sock may have replaced your brain or something, you've gained IQ.
You have no right to talk to me that way!
SABRINA: I finished High School. You?
…my real life counterpart did…
SABRINA: Ha ha. Very amusing.
Well, at least my battle record far exceeds yours!
SABRINA: True, but you were in, what, all of the first fifty battles?
And you haven't been hogging the spotlight lately?
SABRINA: That was a few hiatuses ago. Shut up and march, twig boy.
You're not the boss of me.
SABRINA: …
You're right though, I just need a fight first.
SABRINA: How about I just kick your ass and we call it good?
No. I don't feel a need for another loss. Much less to an overpowered yet still insufficient cliché character.
SABRINA: We could stand here and throw insults at each other for another five pages most likely. I really don't feel up to that.
Then I must find something to fight.
SABRINA: Broken record.
Useless excuse for a villain.
NARRATOR feels this HAS to END!
NARRATOR used…
NO YOU DON'T!! No end until I fight something!
Tough! NARRATOR used…
LALALALALA, NOT HEARING ANYTHING LIKE 'BATTLE ENDED', NO-SIR-EE!!
TELEPHONE POLE wants to CRUSH the GEEKY WEAKLING!
Thank you. I choose…
TELEPHONE POLE used FALL OVER!
Huh?
TELEPHONE POLE hit MIKE and DROVE him into SIDEWALK like a NAIL!
Ouch…
Unfortuanately, TELEPHONE POLE took HEAVY DAMAGE from MIKE's HEAD!
Whoo-hoo!
TELEPHONE POLE snapped in half!
TELEPHONE POLE fainted!
MIKE looks at single remaining HP!
Close battle… BUT I AM VICTORIOUS!
SABRINA: Happy now?
Nope. I need a HP restorer. What kind of currency do you have on you?
SABRINA: I may just develop a left eye twitch if this partnership continues for long.

Rather uncommon title set-up…
Indeed it is, oh weak one. Huh? Oh, my own text?
Yeah! Nothing special about the BATTLE's NUMBER, but it IS a fairly big EVENT!
NARRATOR thought he'd take an EXAMPLE from other VERSIONS!
Enjoy your own TEXT while it lasts! It may be the LAST BONUS you EVER get!
…
So, anyway, where were we?
There was something about an X-Box…
And people blaming and wanting to hurt me, as usual.
That's right! Yeah, you must pay, you foolish… insane person.
No way you…cheap Ah-nuld fake…
Wow, NARRATOR thought AQUA DIALOGUE was BAD before!
Well…we didn't expect updating to last this long… we're a bit out of pre-written material.
MIKE appeared!
Landed FACE-FIRST into a MUD PUDDLE!
…the ONLY one out here, INTERESTINGLY.
SABRINA: It wouldn't do if I let him have a dignified entrance, had to find something.
MIKE: *spits out mud* …I really must get a better agent. This site is just ignoring my potential.
Well, that was an utterly pointless diversion.
Also known as low level writer's block.
XBOX wants ATTENTION!
XBOX says it's LONELY now that there's no longer a SKY for it to be in!
And that was just utterly weird.
Also known as writer-needs-sleep.
Oh, into self-bashing now?
Yeah. That's a bad sign.
X-BOX reminds you of its PRESENCE!
No need for a reminder about that…
Yeah, really. Anyway, we need to do something…
Pfft, you expect us to battle that thing? My Alakazam is nigh useless.
My Arbok's not much better…
Hey, you thinking what I'm thinking?
Maybe, but how would we fit the Nintendo merchandise into the Version Escape Pod?
Rather… "Pinky and the Brain" of you…
Urg…no self-preservation on your mind?
Of course there is, but there's no way that we would be let out of this, after all, you're the sorry excuse of a lame character for this version, and I am the all-cool Da Evolution Man!
…
So…this plan?
We need to catch 'em all!
BOP!
What was that for?
You uttered the merchandizing phrase.
You little…ah hell, no time for battle. Come, scrawny one! We must bolster our Pokémon ranks! Only by enslaving more beings can we hope to do well in the upcoming battle!
Sounds like a plan. We catch an army and hope to hell our chances improve! Let's do it!!
ERICMHE runs for the HILLS!
ERICMHE is stopped and turned around!
Phooey.
I will take that side of the field, and you take that other side. We'll come back when we've caught something or gotten our Pokémon fainted.

A little later…

RATTATA appeared!
Yes! My plan is coming along nicely!
Go Alakazam!
Go! ALAKAZAM!
Ok, now use your…
Enemy RATTATA just BITCH-SLAPPED YOUR LOUSY ALAKAZAM INTO UNCONSCIOUSNESS!
O_o; That's not an attack…
No, but that's what happened!
…it has been waaaayyy too long since I did battle…
Good thing I have a revive…
EVOLUMAN used REVIVE!
ALAKAZAM came to!
Enemy RATTATA's attack continues!
GAH! Stop that!
NARRATOR can't help that you ran into a level 100 RATTATA whose LOSER owner was EATEN by DOOMPUFF!
Ack!
Man, this would suck if it happened to you right in the first area…
Oh…and what level is Alakazam?
Probably a bit lower than whatever it was your last RED battle!
…well, Da Evolution Man seems to be screwed.
INDEED!

Elsewhere:

ERICMHE sucks!
Oh please, just because my insane ramblings scared off the first few Pokémon…
BELLSPROUT appeared!
Please… having one Pokémon may suck, but to think I'm as desperate as to want a Bellsprout?!
Ah hell, let's go.
Go! ARBOK!
Um, man, it's been a while…
Enemy BELLSPROUT used WRAP!
Crap, I hate this attack in the RPG game…
ARBOK can't move!
Enemy BELLSPROUT's attack continues!
An attack is working like it does in the Gameboy RPG? This is new…
…yeah, NARRATOR's running low on MATERIAL. Just try and sue!
Is that a challenge?
YES it is!
Fine.
BRING it on!
Consider it brought.
BTW, your ARBOK fainted!
D'oh!
Stupid Bellsprout, go ME!
Go! ERICMHE!
You're a sucky loser with no chance of winning!
Shouldn't that be a comment about my enemy?
Nah, you're easier to PICK ON!

EVOLUMAN is PITIFULLY trying to REMOVE enemy RATTATA!
HEEELPP!!! IT'S GOT MY LEG!!! IT'S GOT MY LEG!!!

*choke* Need…air… *gasp* Stupid…wrap…attack…
ERICMHE is getting ASS kicked! …nothing new here…

Later:
Not that time matters much, with an X-Box in the sky no one without a clock knows night from day.

Nurse Joy should help us out.
You'd think so, certainly a nice enough personality in show and game, but…this is a PB version here…
This could be a bad idea?
…like you'd know a bad plan? The guy who drowned himself?
It worked.
EVOLUMAN and ERICMHE enter POKéMON CENTER!
NURSE JOY: Hello, may I help you?
We need our Pokémon healed.
Both of them.
And some bandages could be good.
NURSE JOY: How long have you two been at this Pokémon thing?
Ehh…Evoluman?
We're both in the neighborhood of two years.
NURSE JOY: And…you…pfft…got that beat up…*snicker* in this low-level area? Heh heh…hehehe…hohoho…HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
… Think we can take her Evoluman?
Let's do it.
ERICMHE glares evilly!
EVOLUMAN cracks his KNUCKLES!

Mmmph.
Pfft, blmmph.
NURSE JOY removes GAGS!
NURSE JOY: Now, if you two promise to be good, I'll untie you.
After being defeated by someone with pink hair, somehow I lack the dignity to be defiant.
Yeah, it sucks.
NURSE JOY: I've healed your Arbok and Alakazam. I might say 'you're Pokémon are fighting fit', but it doesn't seem appropriate in your case.
I used to be great…
No, you used to have an ally Pikachu. I was great.
You had a travelling army, you're not one to talk down to assisted fame.
NURSE JOY unties you!
NURSE JOY: Now, you behave. Don't argue with each other or I may be forced to get…unpleasant again.
Yes ma'am.
Not a problem Miss.
NURSE JOY returns ARBOK and ALAKAZAM!
NURSE JOY: I also have some tonics to restore your HP, whatever good it'll do.
WE GET IT! WE GET IT! We're weak! We get trounced! NO NEED TO BLOODY RUB IT IN!!
You're weak, I'm unlucky.
Well, at any rate we need a new plan.
You know…I seem to recall things getting vastly unfair in Red Version when people allied with each other…
Hey, yeah! I used to do that sort of thing. We'll combine forces! Arbok and Alakazam may be weak, but together they should be able to overcome a Pokémon, then we'll catch it!
And keep catching more until we have a usable force!
YES! Come Evolution Man! We must go forth and kick ass with purposely tilted odds!

Location: Small Hill
Player: EricMHE
Other Guy: Da Evolution Man

So, what do we want to catch? Actual Pokémon seem a bit out of date…
We catch whatever. We're desperate men…MAN and DWEEB, here.
…
ERICMHE and EVOLUMAN come upon a SMALL SHACK!
Well, this is convenient. Wonder if we can catch it?
NO!
WHERE did you get such an ABSURD idea?
…well, I seem to recall someone who had a mouse and modem for "Pokémon".
…
NARRATOR says it couldn't come up with ATTACKS for a SMALL SHACK!
Wonderful, an incompetent Narrator. Why did I get stuck here?
NARRATOR warns EVOLUMAN to WATCH IT! At RED's current update pace, EVOLUMAN may just LIVE OUT his DAYS in AQUA VERSION!
What a horrible, horrible thought.
You get used to it, sadly…
ERICMHE enters SMALL SHACK!
Bah, nothing in here.
ERICMHE comes out!
That was so utterly stupid and pointless that…
OLD GUY WITH SHOTGUN appeared!
OGWS: What the hell are you doing in my shed?! I'll kill you!!
Eep.
I hate it when this sort of thing happens.
ERICMHE and EVOLUMAN run away!
OGWS: *sigh* Durn it, youngin's are too fast fer me anymore. Barely get off a pot shot these days…
Well, this battle is certainly getting annoying. Think it'll end any time soon?
I can only hope.
GLOOM appeard!
Hey, we might have a chance on this one… Arbok!
Go! ARBOK!
Yeah, you're right!
Go! ALAKAZAM!
You know, in this case I have the far superior Pokémon. Heck, Alakazam's a lot better in any circumstances.
Oh shut up. We're both Pokébattles main characters, our Pokémon tend to suck regardless.
Enemy GLOOM has HIT both ARBOK and ALAKAZAM a few times already!
Crap. Um…dig!
Psychic! That damn hotline joke has to stop sometime.
ARBOK used DIG!
ARBOK dug a PIT!
ALAKAZAM used PSYCHIC!
ALAKAZAM sees the FUTURE!
ALAKAZAM doesn't like what it SEES!
We both flunked this round.
Enemy GLOOM used ABSORB!
Sucked away HP!
From who?
ALL of you!
… BAH!
Quite rude.
Arbok, umn…tackle?
Alakazam use…hmm, Psybeam!
ALAKAZAM used PSYBEAM!
ALAKAZAM… BEAMED enemy GLOOM with a…SIGH!
Not very effective.
…you're kidding…
ARBOK used TACKLE!
ARBOK knocked enemy GLOOM into the PIT!
Hey, that worked… IN YOUR FACE EVOLUTION MAN!
…why you… I'll catch it!
EVOLUMAN threw POKéBALL!
Oh no you don't!
ERICMHE threw POKéBALL!
GLOOM dodged a POKéBALL!
Other POKéBALL catches GLOOM!
GLOOM was caught!
YES!
YES!
Wait a minute…
Yeah, whose Pokéball did it dodge and whose caught it?
…
Um, NARRATOR wasn't LOOKING closely enough!
Well, that's just dandy…
That leaves but one way to settle this.
Arbok, bite!
Alakazam, takedown!

Location: Pokémon Center

You hit like a girl
You scream like one.
You do too.
Well…at least it turned out you're allergic to Arbok poison. HA-HA!
You didn't get off unscathed yourself! Shame that bump is hardly distinguishable from your zits!
…I do not have zits. ><
NURSE JOY comes back with ARBOK, ALAKAZAM and GLOOM!
NURSE JOY: Now, who caught the Gloom?
We don't know. Just hold it for us until we catch something else.
We'll decide who gets what then.
ERICMHE glares at EVOLUMAN!
EVOLUMAN glares at ERICMHE!
This is going to take a while…

Aqua Battle 110: Apocalypse…Anytime Soon? March 10, 2002
Writer: EricMHE
Location: Under the Xbox (But then, that includes the whole planet…)
Player: Red Ninja

Crushed by an oversized evil video game machine. You know, I never really expected my life to end this way.
DARK WARRIOR: Yeah, death by an invincible evil Jigglypuff is so much more common.
Life's weird that way isn't it?
ERICMHE and EVOLUMAN are FIGHTING over a POKéBALL!
ERICMHE: MIIIINNEE!! IT'S MIIIINEEE!
EVOLUMAN: No it isn't!! This Pokémon is fit for a man and I'm the only man here!!
…everytime I think I've seen the lowest of the 'sorry freak act' Eric goes and gets a shovel…
DW: Dragging Evoluman down with him too… really sad.
Typical boring beginning to an Aqua battle over. Now, time for something random to happen I believe.
WHAT if NARRATOR doesn't WANT TO?
Then this battle will be pretty boring and the BQ rating may drop.
…
Enemy XBOX fires DOOM-BEAM!
RED NINJA is doomed!
Oh, just because I was never developed I'm expendable? …makes sense…
…eh, so is the REST of AQUA!
SABRINA: I'd hate to think the entire version was expendable.
OTURI: Yeah, that'd suck.
BUDDY: AG! When'd you get here? …when did _I_ get here? Wait…are we even supposed to be here?
NARRATOR…isn't SURE! Isn't KITE writing a FANFIC?
BUDDY: Hmm…yeah, I haven't left, I'm supposed to be here.
BROCK: Yeah, we've got that love triangle thing going.
BUDDY: … oh that's just what I needed to be reminded of…
HAUNTER, GYARADOS and POPCORN SHRIMP complain of having no contrived, explanatory battle as to justify why they're HERE!
…at least YOU got mentioned. A few of showed up just now, with nothing in previous battles.
SABRINA: And why are YOU here, Miss over-powered psychic role stealing person?
OTURI: That damn thing up there was blocking my sun.
MIKE: Wasn't she in the Bahamas though?
Damn big Xbox.
RYOGA: Somehow I'm doubting that the 'breaking point' is going to work on that thing…
RANMA: 'Course not, fool. That's your technique and you suck. Next to me at least.
RYOGA: Please forgive me as I forget to respect the greater threat pact and cause injury upon this individual.
RANMA: Eh?
RYOGA: DIE FOOL!
RANMA and RYOGA begin to DO BATTLE!
Most AQUA characters BACK UP to a SAFE DISTANCE of at least 150 YARDS!
I can see those two are going to be a great help in saving Aqua…
EVOLUMAN and ERIC start SLAP-FIGHTING over WHO gets WHICH POKéMON!
………
………
SABRINA: Alright, I'd expect that kind of behavior from Eric, but Evoluman?
I think they're a bad influence on each other.
ERICMHE: Damn it! I'm old enough to be counted a 'man'! Being a 'Man' has nothing to do with Pokémon ownership!
EVOLUMAN: Oh yeah? That's what you think you sorry little lame excuse for a main character!!
ERICMHE: Fine, take the Venomoth, you big baby.
EVOLUMAN: Fine then, I will! …wait a minute… you aren't tricking me that easy! I refuse to have another Venomoth as my last one was so failure-prone, I wanted the Gloom!
ERICMHE: Did you? I forget…
EVOLUMAN: Yeah, we both wanted to take the Gloom and dump the Venomoth on the other, that's why we were fighting…
ERICMHE: Huh. Was it now?
EVOLUMAN: I think so…
ERICMHE: So, who was it that wanted the Charizard?
EVOLUMAN: I didn't think we caught it…
BUDDY: Wait, Eric's here! Aren't we supposed to fight any time we're together?
ERICMHE: ...go ahead, everyone else has been beating the crap out of me since that XBOX appeared...
BUDDY jumps on ERICMHE!
EVOLUMAN takes the GOOD POKéMON!
…RELATIVELY so anyway! A GLOOM and CLEFABLE usually aren't too SOUGHT AFTER!
ERICMHE: Ah man that leaves me with the Venomoth and Rattatta… GRRAAAGGGHHH!!!!
BUDDY: Ha! Let's see if you ever have kids after THAT! …wait a minute… oh well, it hurt him, it's good.
You'd think everyone just forgot about the Xbox or something.
RANMA comes flying by, followed by RYOGA!
Hmn…wonder if this fight would be worth watching.
RYOGA comes flying back, followed by RANMA!
FUNNY HAIRED MAGIKARP appears!
What the?
FUNNY HAIRED MAGIKARP says to BOW!
…
…REALLY, REALLY obscure gag!
I need to check up on this…
RED NINJA spends some time reading AQUA's archives!
FUNNY HAIRED MAGIKARP was renamed VEGGIE-KARP!
…
VEGGIE-KARP says to PH34R!!
…
This has gone from weird to WTF in a hurry.
SABRINA watches ERIC and BUDDY fight!
SABRINA: Watching Buddy fight Eric is like watching turtles battle for supremacy. Sure it's not exactly action-packed, but it's funny in it's own way.
RACHAEL: Could you two please cut that out? It's all rather disturbing.
BUDDY: But my revenge!
RACHAEL: Can it wait until after the Box kills us?
ERICMHE comes up to VEGGIE-KARP!
ERICMHE: You look familiar…
VEGGIE-KARP's rage greatly rose!
VEGGIE-KARP is SPLASHing furiously!
…sadly, this attack is so PATHETIC, not even ERIC is affected!
Wow, funny to think this was once a lame version of a dumb overpowered character.
Hehe, well this will be a nice reputation booster.
RED NINJA punts VEGGIE-KARP into FOREST!
VEGGIE-KARP fainted!
Well, now how many can say they beat a DBZ character unconscious?
ERICMHE: Ohhh, I remember now. But, come on, everybody beats Vegeta.
…spoilsport.
Maybe I could get some exp. Against the other two guys…
RED NINJA turns to look for RYOGA and RANMA! Sees only a GIRL chasing a PIG!
…weird…
You, know, I think at this point this is all random drivel meant to waste space.
ERICMHE nods in agreement!
ERICMHE: Yeah, most of this version is like that.
DEUTSH comes up!
…that dun…look like him at all.
DEUTSH: This is the stoopid 'spring ov drowned twink' cursed form.
Looks like a cross between Goku and Superman and a wall of muscle…
Hmm, he might be able to dent that Xbox, eh?
DEUTSH: Meh, I don't know. We vere going to try 'vere-monkey' for zat purpose but can't seem to find zee right cursed form.
WASPINATOR: Wow…that big conzzzole…
NED: Yeah, and it sucks too.
WASPINATOR: Wazzpinator is feeling creeped out by noizzezz it'zz making…
BUDDY: Eric! I will kill you now! If I end you, maybe the disaster you bring will end too! Prepare yourself for combat!
ERICMHE: Eek… can we talk?
BUDDY: …Rachael's not here at the moment, so, NO!
ERICMHE: Well, that sucks, so let's… OH MY GOD WHAT'S THAT UP THERE?!
BUDDY: Either it's the Xbox and you've forgotten or you're trying to trick me so you can run away.
ERICMHE: Meh…
That's it this battle has GOT to end!
NARRATOR agrees!
X-BOX wants to FIGHT! …or perhaps, more accurate would be X-BOX wants to ANNIHILATE!
How encouraging…
DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS! "TO BE CONTINUED" flashes on screen!
Did not.
…PRETEND, for NARRATOR's sake?