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These are Battles 61 through 65. New characters arrive to make Aqua Version even more hectic. Rachael, currently an unknown, and Dark Warrior, yet another nut after Eric's hide. Mike and Haunter continue to roam about the Doompuff Death Desert, desperate to find life. Click to jump to: Battle 62; Battle 63; Battle 64; Battle 65 |
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Battles 61 to 65: New Battles: Battle #61: Deadly Dessert?? Ug…I’ve been in this desert too long… Vision blurring…sweat approaching disgusting levels…clothes tattered…Doompuff’s handiwork…disgusting… Ally HAUNTER says quit complaining! That’s easy for you to say! You’re a ghost, you aren’t traumatized by the mass death around here… MIRAGE appeared! MIRAGE is of a LAKE! Hmm…water sounds good, but the narrator informed me of it being a mirage. I won’t be fooled. Anyway, what I could really use is a ice cream. ICE CREAM PARLOR appeared! That can’t be…Doompuff exterminated this place! Apparently DOOMPUFF likes ICE CREAM and left PARLOR in tact! Err…What the heck? I’ll risk it! YAY! ICE CREAM!!! MIKE is running for ICE CREAM PARLOR! MIKE ran head-first into GIANT SKELETON! Ow! What is this?! GIANT SKELETON is that of the DRAGON that used to live here! Wow, it was definitely big… Not big enough to squash Doompuff though. I’ve got ice cream to eat! MIKE is running again! MIKE fell through the wall! I should have known this was another… ICE CREAM PARLOR was renamed MIRAGE! Oh sure, interrupt me why don’t you? NARRATOR already DID! And NARRATOR will do it again whenever it wants to! MIRAGE wants to fight! This site gets lamer and lamer by the battle… MIRAGE is insulted! MIRAGE used LIGHTNING BOLT! AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Huh? I…didn’t even feel that. MIRAGE is upset at being intangible! Ha! Guess that means you can’t hurt me, eh? MIRAGE can’t! MIRAGE will beat up on HAUNTER instead! Fine with me. Have fun you two. Haunter, catch up with me when you’re done. Ally HAUNTER and MIRAGE begin to DO BATTLE! MIKE walks off! MIKE is showing a fair amount of HEARTLESSNESS here! So sue me. It’s a common trait here in Aqua Version. TRUE. NARRATOR would sue MIKE but can’t! Why not? ONE, MIKE has NO MONEY! Sure! BLAB IT TO THE WORLD! TWO, DOOMPUFF ate all the LAWYERS on EARTH! Heh…even Doompuff isn’t without its good deeds. It ate Barney, Telletubies, Sailor Scouts, Power Rangers, the Dragonball Z cast…Togepi and Microsoft… NARRATOR shudders! NARRATOR thinks TOGEPI and MICROSOFT were probably even greater EVILS than the DOOMPUFF! I think you have a point. Ally HAUNTER catches up! Hi Haunter. Guess that mirage didn’t have much, eh? Ally HAUNTER sweats nervously! Ally HAUNTER says this might be a good time to run! Huh…why’s… MIKE looks behind him! ACK! NARRATOR doesn’t want to deal with one of those things! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! MIKE, HAUNTER and NARRATOR take off running! Battle #62: Continued Battle July 09, 2000Setting: Aqua Version Player: Dark Warrior [Record: 0-0-1] Last battle: Draw/Inconclusive vs. Eric (Battle #60) Enemy ROYAL KINGLER fainted! Ah-Ha! No match for me! Now to dispose of that fiend, the institute breakout! ERIC MHE is sleeping! Huh?! Why that… ERIC got bored of watching the FIGHT and nodded off! WAKE UP! DARK WARRIOR used SHOUT! It had no effect! Deep sleeper…hmm. DARK WARRIOR used ALARM CLOCK! ERIC stirred! …but only to SMASH the ALARM CLOCK! Talk about an irritating cliché… DARK WARRIOR used KICK! DARK WARRIOR missed ERIC and kicked a ROCK! OWWW!!!! DARK WARRIOR is hopping up and down! ROCK wants to fight! Grr…ow-ow… I’ll show you. ROCK used SMASH! OWWWWWW!!!!!!!! I’ve never seen a rock leap up and smash someone’s foot before! Get used to it! You’re going to be seeing much weirder in the FUTURE! Hmph. Well, this is just a rock, I’ll throw it! DARK WARRIOR threw ROCK away! ROCK landed in RIVER! DARK WARRIOR wins! Hmm. I’ve got an idea! DARK WARRIOR has an IDEA! DARK WARRIOR went to the RIVER! DARK WARRIOR got some WATER! DARK WARRIOR went back! ERIC, MHE is gone! COWARD!! Which way did he go?! ERIC went roughly NORTH! NARRATOR draws ARROW in GROUND to point out the DIRECTION! Thanks! DARK WARRIOR takes off in pursuit! I see now how you survived Doompuff! You’re no great warrior Eric, just good at running away! Now, I shall be your downfall you coward!
Battle #63: Fight for Life Set in: Land of the Dead Player: Fanboy [Record: 5-8-1] Last Battle: Loss vs. Eric (Battle #57) Huh? What the…
FANBOY is in the LAND OF THE DEAD! How’d I get here?! You died obviously! Bah. Well…nothing but a big blank stretch of infinite…aqua? I kind of expected black… Well, this is AQUA VERSION! Yeesh… This whole "theme" thing is getting way out of hand. Eh, perhaps. The AQUA WEBMASTER has decided to copy RED VERSION yet again and let someone come back to LIFE! Heh, this shouldn’t be a problem, what with… NARRATOR reminds you the only POKéMON you have here are the ones that died with you! …fudge. Anyway, it’s gonna be me! Where’s that portal? PORTAL is over where UK GALVATRON is tearing DEVASTATOR into small pieces! Uh-oh. How do I get past him? The only Pokémon I had with me when I died where a Velociraptor, Captain Kirk, and a Star Fury. Duh! I’ll hop in that last one and fly right on by! No one will have time to challenge me! Go! STAR FURY! FANBOY hopped in STAR FURY! FANBOY is zipping towards PORTAL! THUMP! What?? FANBOY ran into something! There is a ROOKIE stuck on the WINDSHIELD of FANBOY’s STAR FURY! What? Grrr…why you! FANBOY turned on WINDSHIELD WIPERS! ROOKIE: WAAAHHH!!! WHY ME?! Looks like ROOKIE’s blasting off! HAHAHA!! I’m home free! UK GALVATRON points CANNON at you! Oh no. STAR FURY evaded the attack and zoomed by UK GALVATRON! UK GALVATRON is angry! UK GALVATRON transformed into CANNON MODE and started shooting at FANBOY! Not good! STAR FURY is dodging like mad! UK GALVATRON’s rage greatly rose! Eep! I better bail out before he blows this thing up! FANBOY used EJECT! FANBOY ejected! STAR FURY zips through PORTAL! FANBOY is still in LAND OF THE DEAD! Oops. Well, how could I have known? FANBOY is running for PORTAL! SAILOR SCOUTS appeared! Hi girls! You know, I can take you with me if you just agree to hopping in these Pokéballs. SAILOR TEAM began mercilessly beating FANBOY with large HAMMERS! OW! OW! OW!! Stop that!! FANBOY was beat to near unconsciousness! Whooza pratty stars mamma… SAILOR SCOUTS reached PORTAL! DEATH appeared! DEATH says they have to stay dead! MOON: Why? Doompuff’s gone now. DEATH says if DOOMPUFF ever gets back and finds out he let the SCOUTS come back to life again he’d be in a WORLD of HURT! MERCURY: You know, the chances of it getting back and finding out you let us back in are in about the 7 billion to one range. DEATH says that that’s far too likely for his tastes! DEATH used BANISHMENT! SCOUTS were BANISHED to be DEAD forever! Aggaaa…serves you right you …you… PJ appeared! PJ glomped onto SAILOR MERCURY! PJ: Now we can be together for all eternity my love! MERCURY: AAAIIIIIYYYAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!! SCOUTS begin to BEAT PJ even worse than they BEAT FANBOY! HAHAHAHAHAHA!! Now to slip on by… PJ died! But…he’s already dead, isn’t he? What happens when you die in the land of the dead? ONE of TWO things happen! ONE is that character is utterly destroyed, in complete LIMBO for all eternity! The OTHER is that character ends up in the "LIMBO" of BLACK VERSION! Bye PJ! I’m sure Black Version doesn’t want you! Almost there! DIGIMAN appeared! Get out of my way! FANBOY stomped on DIGIMAN’s HEAD and kept going! DIGIMAN is angry! DIGIMAN is chasing after FANBOY! TRY AND CATCH ME FATBOY!! DIGIMAN used BIG ASS GUN! DIGIMAN shot a BIG ASS! Critical hit! HOMER is enraged! HOMER begins to DO BATTLE with DIGIMAN! HAHA! Suckers! FANBOY bowls over NEVADA JOE and CITIZEN as he continues RUNNING for the PORTAL! HOW FAR AWAY IS THIS THING?!?!? ‘bout two feet. WHAT?!?! If FANBOY had been paying attention, he would NOTICE that he was RUNNING in PLACE! Huh? What the?! I can’t move! Maybe if you tried SWIMMING you might get somewhere! Oh…ok. Well, Aqua Version, Aquatic land of the dead…theme really is way out of hand. FANBOY is ALMOST AT the PORTAL! YAY! I…live…again! SOMEONE appeared and entered PORTAL! WHAT?! PORTAL closed! AG!!! YOU MEAN I LOST MY CHANCE AT LIFE TO SOME EXTRA DOOMPUFF KILLED?!?!?! Looks that way BUB! Not fair… FANBOY was getting too COCKY so NARRATOR decided to mess with him! Well, it worked! Now what do I do? …maybe if I die here I can get a job over at Black Version and catch some characters there. Battle #64: Dark War July 13, 2000Set in: Ruins of Saffron City Player: Dark Warrior [Record: 1-0-1] Last Battle: Win vs. Rock/Royal Kingler –nothing vs. Eric (Battle #62) Where is that punk?
ERIC, MHE is nowhere to be seen! You think I don’t know that? NARRATOR was just saying it can’t see ERIC either! Hmm. Where could he have gone? DARK WARRIOR kicks down the remains of a wall! GIRL appeared! GIRL appears to be deep in thought! Hey you! Have you seen a kid with funky hair and a T-shirt that says "Chaos Rules" around here? GIRL gives no answer! Hey! Hey! Listen to me! GIRL gives you an annoyed glance and continues meditating! That little nut has to be around here somewhere, I followed him right into the remains of this crud-town! GIRL looks up! GIRL wants to know what you said! What? About this being a crud town? Well, Saffron was always over-populated and they had the dumbest gym with a psycho leader. Last place I’d want to live. GIRL gave you the LOOK OF DEATH™! GIRL was renamed SABRINA! SABRINA wants to fight! I don’t have time for this. Once I take care of that loser Eric I can bother with defeating you, ok? SABRINA is annoyed! SABRINA’s eyes started to glow! Oh please. As a warrior of my clan I’ve been trained to resist absolutely any form of psychic at… SABRINA used ULTRA PSYCHIC BLAST! OOFF!!! DARK WARRIOR was blown back 12ft! DARK WARRIOR is stumbling about in a daze! Whoza…anzyvone get za numba of dat ocean liner? Whoo… DARK WARRIOR shakes his head! Whatza…whavo…WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!?! SABRINA says you know perfectly well what that was for! SABRINA says FIGHT or/and DIE! Go Catapie! Go! CATAPIE! SABRINA sent out KADABRA! Catapie, string shot now! CATAPIE used STRING SHOT! Enemy KADABRA’s SPOON was webbed up! Enemy KADABRA used SPOON BASH! Critical hit! CATAPIE is still standing! Use it again, on the Kadabra! CATAPIE used IT! CATAPIE is neutered and thusly an IT! ?!??! Enemy KADABRA used PSY-SMASH! CATAPIE fainted! All right, go Golbat! Go! GOLBAT! GOLBAT is afraid of fighting PSYCHICS! GOLBAT returned and hid in its POKéBALL! …I’ve got to get me a new Golbat. Go Muk! Go! MUK! Enemy KADABRA used PSYCHIC! Dial 1-800-MEWTWO for a free PSYCHIC READING! It’s super effective! AAAAAAARRRGGG!!! Muk, acid attack! MUK used ACID! ACID melted WEBBING off of enemy KADABRA’s SPOON! Oy… Enemy KADABRA used PSYWAVE! MUK fainted! ACK! All right, go me! The enemy’s really tough! Get’m DARK WARRIOR! DARK MAGIC! DARK WARRIOR used DARK MAGIC! Enemy KADABRA used PSYWAVE! Forces collide! PSYWAVE is creamed and enemy KADABRA is hit by BOTH ATTACKS! Enemy KADABRA fainted! SABRINA sent out SABRINA! Enemy SABRINA used PSYCHIC! Enemy SABRINA is a PSY-POWERED-CHICK! OWWWIEEE!!!! NARRATOR hates those DAMN MENTAL ATTACKS! Heh, Dark Magic! DARK WARRIOR used DARK MAGIC! Enemy SABRINA reflected the shot! Urp?! DARK WARRIOR was nailed with his own attack! Ow! All right, I’ll use my sword! DARK WARRIOR pulled out the SWORD! SABRINA: ‘tis a bit big, isn’t it? *blink* …that’s a new low. Yeesh, the one and only site to have a joke higher rated than that is Turquoise Version and that’s in an Obsidian Thread! Enemy SABRINA shrugs and says she wasn’t implying anything, just noticing how you’re slowly starting to TIP FORWARD! What? Oops…didn’t balance iiiitt!!!!! DARK WARRIOR fell over forwards and hit the charred ground FACE-FIRST! Oof…how embarrassing… Enemy SABRINA used STEP! OWWWW!!! HIGH HEEL!!! HIGH HEEL!!!! DARK WARRIOR is cursing the JAPANESE for giving too many FEMALE CHARACTERS HIGH HEELS! NARRATOR agrees it’s a bit sexist but doesn’t care to make an ISSUE of it! Yeah, that’s because you’re not being stepped on by somebody wearing those things… Enemy SABRINA wants to know if you surrender! NEVER! DARK WARRIOR used NEVER! DARK WARRIOR will NEVER win in this position! I have to get up, but OWIE!…she’s ow! …grinding her…OWW!! …damn heel into …OW!!! …my…SPINE!! Enemy SABRINA steps off… Ug…thank goodness… …and begins LEVITATING a LARGE piece of a WALL! ?!?! Enemy SABRINA dropped WALL on DARK WARRIOR! …I find myself suddenly wishing that Doompuff had eaten one more person… DARK WARRIOR fainted! SABRINA wins! SABRINA gives…a HAND SIGNAL? ERIC comes out from COVER, NODS, and RUNS OFF! NARRATOR is confused… NARRATOR thought those two didn’t get along at all! OWWW!!!! THAT is it! NARRATOR ends battle! Battle #65: Unexpected Drop-In July 19, 2000Set in: Some Field Player: Guy [No Record] GUY is walking along! Hey! I have a name you know! NARRATOR knows! NARRATOR simply doesn’t care! And why not?! Because GUY won’t be appearing in any more AQUA BATTLES! Oh yeah, how are you so sure? GUY is questioning the NARRATOR! GUY is in trouble! Bah, all talk. …literally. STAR FURY appeared! Huh? STAR FURY crashed on GUY’s head! Oww… Stupid fraggin’… NARRATOR would like to tell you that a STAR FURY is not some small toy you can throw off! What is a Star Fury anyway? A one-man fighter from a TV show called BABYLON 5! So, it’s like I’ve been crushed by an X-Wing huh? Sorta! I’ll use the dig TM here and escape! GUY used DIG! GUY dug his way out! That’s better! SOMEONE appeared and fell on you! Arg… SOMONE was renamed RACHAEL! Well…girls appearing out of nowhere and falling on me is a step up from multi-ton masses of metal falling on me from nowhere. GUY got slapped! RACHAEL just beat out FANBOY in the LAND OF THE DEAD to return to LIFE! Um…congratulations. RACHAEL dusts herself off and looks around! RACHAEL threw POKéBALL! STAR FURY was captured! RACHAEL flew away in STAR FURY! Well, this was pointless. Not even a Pokébattle. NARRATOR grins evilly! Uh-oh… NARRATOR dropped LARGE ROCK on GUY! *BONK!* Wooo…*THUD!* GUY fainted! NARRATOR wins! NARRATOR just wishes he was a CHARACTER with a BATTLE RECORD!
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