PRINCESS GARDALIN appears!
PRINCESS GARDALIN has a weird name!
Didst thou just insult me?
Your princess commands thee to tell me where I am!
Ask politely and I'll tell!
Me? Ask thee politely? Why wouldst I want to do that?
Because I am far more powerful and.. um.. can do very bad things to you!
*laughs* I do not believe thee!
LIGHTNING appears!
LIGHTNING strikes a TREE!
TREE is angry!
TREE wants to fight!
Why wouldst a tree want to fight? How couldst a tree fight? It can not moveth!
TREE can still attack!
Fine, then!
PRINCESS GARDALIN wants to fight!
TREE u-
I command thee to let me attacketh first!
PRINCESS GARDALIN is a spoiled brat!
Humph!
How dare thee insult me!
PRINCESS GARDALIN is angry!
NARRATOR suggests that you get back to the fight!
TREE used FALL!
APPLES fell on PRINCESS GARDALIN's head!
PRINCESS GARDALIN is still standing...
Oh help! Oh help!
I'm lost, alone, and afraid!
PRINCESS GARDALIN ran away
I didst no such thing!
PRINCESS GARDALIN was hit on the head with a rock!
PRINCESS GARDALIN fainted!
NARRATOR is greatly relieved!
 
 
 

The famed DBZ boys return!
The infamous DBZ guys return for another round of crazy action, written by the author who knows them best.  The author of two previous DBZ battles brings us this cleverly titled battle, which stars the ever-popular Zarbon.  Though I don't watch DBZ myself, these battles are continuously educating me on the topic.
Battle #87: An Ekans in the Grass  June 4, 2000
Setting: Game 100% / Reality 100% / Anime 0%
Player: Zarbon  [Record: 2-0-0]  Last Battle: Win vs. Vegeta (Battle #63)
Written by Rhinomat93@aol.com
Author of Battle of the DBZ Guys (Battle #63)
Author of This Battle is  Y2K Compliant (Battle #68)
Contains Level One Language (Mild Expletives)

Jeez, Larry really sucks!
Larry sucks!
Wait a second, LARRY'S HERE! 
No, you left Larry's area a while ago. I'm Clive.
Oh hi Clive! 
Zarbon steps on an Ekans!
Ekans wants to fight!
Okay - go, Burter!
Ekans used bite! Burter really bites! Burter has low self-esteem!
Okay. I have an item for that
Zarbon uses Therapy on Burter! Burter no longer has low self-esteem!
KICK!
Burter skips Ekans' turn and kicks and kicks and kicks and kicks and kicks 
and kicks! Look at ol' kickin' Burter! Every shot missed! Burter has low 
self-esteem again!
SHOOT! RETURN! GO, FOOT SOLDIER! 
Burter, return! Get'm, Foot Soldier! Ekans laughs at Foot Soldier! Foot 
Soldier has low Self-Esteem!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! RETURN, DAMN YOU!
Foot Soldier return!
Other Foot Soldier, go!
Oookay that was scary. You took the words out of my mouth! 
Ekans uses bite! Foot Soldier bites! THUNK! LARRY HERE AN' I'M CALLING THE SHOTS!
Fine. Foot Soldier return! I'll handle this!
Return, Foot Soldier! The enemy's laughing his head off! Go, Zarbon!
Ekans uses bite! Zarbon really-
HELL NO! EAT MALLET!
Zarbon uses MALLET OF DOOM!!! ! Ekans fainted! Zarbon has low-
OH NO YOU DON'T!
Zarbon uses MALLET OF DOOM!!! ! Larry fainted!
Pokéball, go!
Go, Pokéball! Ekans was caught! Do you want to name Ekans?
Yes, call him 'Sigmund Freud'.
Clive is back!
Whatever

The character Samus has a boyfriend?
Here we have a battle written by an author who we haven't seen a battle from since '99.  I believe the title is the longest in Poké Battles history… at least on this this site, anyway.  As for the battle itself, it is set heavily in the Smash Bros. Universe.  Aside from the disturbing revelation that Fox is Samus' boyfriend (PokéGirl: Oh dear LORD!) this battle is an entertaining read, so check it out.

Battle #88: The Alien Female Bounty Hunter!?!
June 4, 2000
Setting:Game 0% / Reality 100% / Anime 0%
Player: Samus  [No Record]
Written by pelcovits@physics.brown.edu  Author of The Battle with Misty (Battle #42)

Samus is on Sector Z!
But I want to be on planet Zebes!  Just because I'm in Super Smash Bros.
Doesn't mean I have to be on someone else's stage!
Fox appeared!
Nooo!  Why?  Do we have to battle?  Fox is my boyfriend!  Well, sorta...
Fox says he wants to set a record by defeating all the girl alien bounty
hunters!
Fine.  But I refuse to go on Super Smash Bros with you.  And plus, you
could never beat me!
Fox wants to fight!
All right, Captain Falcon I CHOOSE YOU!
Fox sent out Peppy!
Captain falcon, use falcon kick!
Captain Falcon: Falcon KICK!
Captain Falcon used Falcon kick!
Critical hit!
It's super effective!
Enemy Peppy fainted!
WHOOPIE!
Fox sent out Falco!
Use the falcon punch!
Captain Falcon: Falcon PUNCH!
Captain Falcon used falcon punch!
Critical hit!
It's not very effective...
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Enemy Falco used peck!
Use seismic toss!
Captain Falcon used seismic toss!
Enemy Falco fainted!
Fox withdrew Falco and sent out Slippy!
Hah!  That little frog!  It couldn't beat or eat a fly!
Enemy Slippy used tongue twister!
Captain Falcon fainted!
Oh, darn!
Samus withdrew Captain Falcon!
Samus sent out Samus!
You'll never win, o croaking one!
Samus used charge up!
I hope you'll get a blast from the past outta this!
Samus used charge shot!
Bye, o croaking one!
Fox withdrew Slippy!
Fox sent out Fox!
This can't be tough!
Samus used whip throw!
It's super effective!
Yaaaay!
Enemy Fox used firefox!
Enemy Fox used laser shot!
I wonder how he got in two attacks...oh well.
Samus used screw attack!
Take that! :P
Enemy Fox used firefox!
So what?
Samus used bomb!
So take that and BE GONE!
Enemy Fox used seismic toss!
Owchie wawa. :P
Samus used charge up and charge shot!
Enemy Fox used reflect!
Oh...darn...
Samus fainted!
NOOOOOOOOOOO!

The reincarnated character, doompuff returns!
This short little battle happened to come to me right before I delved into updating, lucky for that or blue would only be updating with one update this week. In this battle, we see, yes, yet another doompuff clone, this one is sort of origional however, as it has the DNA of two good friends of mine...you'll see
Battle #89: The Scourge Returns!
April 14, 2001
Setting: Game 50%; / Reality 50%; / Anime 0%
Player: Mendin
Written by sonoftrz@aol.com [New Author]

ah, there's nothing like working in my genetic engineering laboratory.
MENDIN used Work!
MENDIN is WORKING!
now, I just modify the Bigglymuff DNA, add the genetic samples of red and 
aqua version webmasters, and....
NARATOR wants to know what YOU are DOING!
I am genetically engineering a new Doompuff.
......WHAT?!?!?!?!?
don't worry, I have It all under control.
Thats what they all say!
I must stop YOU
MENDIN DIED!
Hahaha, foolish narrator, I know of your tricks! They have no effect on me!
REALLY?
MENDIN used OPEN!
MENDIN OPENED a PORTAL!
RED DOOMPUFF APPEARED!
NARRATOR FAINTED!
MENDIN used PIN.
MENDIN POPPED ballon that looked like RED DOOMPUFF!
haha, now with the narrator out of the way and the rest of this battle being 
narrated by one of my lackeys, I can make a Doompuff!
MENDIN used GENETIC ENGINEERING. 
MENDIN genetically engineered a DOOMPUFF,
BLUE DOOMPUFF APPEARED. 
Now Blue Doompuff, I am your master and you will do as I say!
DOOM DOOM !!!!!!!!!!( NEVER!!!)
BLUE DOOMPUFF used DEVOUR!
.......NO EFFECT, except that BLUE DOOMPUFF developed TOOTH DECAY!
........DOOM?
Ha Doompuff, I am Invincible to you. I created you! Now, do as I say or I 
will kill you!
DOOM (Very well)
NOW I SHAL RULE THE WORLD! BRUHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
LACKEY NARRATOR is SCARED!
BLUE DOOMPUFF used BLUE JIGGLY DEATH!
LACKEY NARRATOR DIED!
BRUHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

The famed Popcorn Man is revived!
The first official battle the new Blue Version opens with is by SuperDuperYoshi, A.K.A.PopcornMan. I'm proud to have my first battle written by a pokebattles veteran who remembers the days of "official battles". It also returns the return of a rather famous character...PopcornMan. Let the new blue begin! (Editors note: this is one of the hardest battles I've ever tried to score o_O)

Battle #90: The Revival of a Champion
April 14, 2001
Setting: Carbonite Freezing Chamber
Player: Popcorn Man
Written by SuperDuperYoshi@aol.com
Webmaster's Choice: Award Winning Battle
Readers' Choice: Award Winning Battle
Author of Battle #8: Austin Powers Strikes Back (Webmaster's Choice Award Winning Battle) Author of Darkluke's REALLY Miserable Fate (Battle #9) 
Author of Battle #40: Pokémon Master Disaster! (Readers' Choice Award Winning Battle) 
Author of Battle #57: One Heck of a Crazy Battle (Dual Award Winner) Author of Battle #79: To Hack or Not to Hack  

NARRATOR is confused! 
NARRATOR wonders where POPCORN MAN is! 
DAVE: He's right there. Frozen in Carbonite. 
The STAR WARS stuff? What the... 
ACK! 
That is...scary o.o 
DAVE: Exactly. He's been in that state ever since BLUE shut down. But 
now....THE POPCORN MAN SHALL LIVE AGAIN! Thaw'm out, Narrator! 
NARRATOR used REALLYBIGFLAMINGTHINGIETHATMELTSSTUFF! 
CARBONITE thawed! 

Setting: Ruins of Blue

Urrrgh...my head hurts. 
DARTHLUKE says it's all YOUR FAULT! 
Shut up! I never like you anyway! 
DARTHLUKE ran away hurt! 
Humph. Hey, wait a second....where am I? 
POPCORN MAN is back in BLUE VERSION! 
Whaa....? They restarted it? 
....WOOHOO! 
Wait a second...I remember starring in a few versions after Blue shut down... 
POPCORN MAN appeared! 
What the...? 
Ahah! It is the Popcorn Man fraud! 
Me? Fraud?! What the heck are you talking about? 
I am the Popcorn Man of Green, fool! 
Then YOU'RE the fraud! I was here first! 
POPCORN MAN appeared! 
Another one? 
Okay, who are you? 
I'm Popcorn Man from Aqua, dangit! 
Eh? 
I appeared in the Aqua Version Tournament: Who's Da Man, remember? 
Oh yeah. 
Point. 
...but I was here before you still! 
Well, I was here before YOU! 
NARRATOR's nonexistent HEAD is being to POUND! 
Enemy NONEXISTENT HEAD used POUND! 
POPCORN MAN was POUNDED! 
OW! 
Hahah. 
Not funny! 
To make matters worse, POPCORN MAN appeared! 
ACK! Not ANOTHER ONE! 
My head still hurts from the pound. 
I got a dog from the pound once, but it got run over by some guy named Joe in a convertible. 
Shut up! I don't care! I am POPCORN MAN of Dark Version! And I challenge you all! 
We have to fight ourselves? 
Well, this isn't a battle without a fight. 
Good point. 
POPCORN MAN wants to fight! 
POPCORN MAN wants to fight! 
POPCORN MAN wants to fight! 
POPCORN MAN wants to fight! 
POPCORN MAN sent out GODZILLA! 
POPCORN MAN sent out LASSIE! 
POPCORN MAN sent out KAZOOIE! 
POPCORN MAN sent out LUIGI! 
...this is confusing. 
No kidding. 
Okay, FLAMETHROWER! 
Crunch it! 
Tokyo? 
Err...GRENADE EGG! 
Um....NARRATOR doesn't know WHICH POPCORN MAN said WHICH! 
Umm...LASSIE used FLAMETHROWER! 
LASSIE laughed liked a LOON and ROASTED TIMMY with a FLAMETHROWER! 
TIMMY fell down the WELL! 
TIMMY fainted! 
GODZILLA used CRUNCH! 
GODZILLA took a BITE outta a CRUNCH BAR! 
GODZILLA regained HP! 
GODZILLA developed CAVITY! 
GODZILLA was hurt by CAVITY! 
KAZOOIE used TOKYO! 
LUIGI used GRENADE EGG! 
TOKYO BLEW UP in MID-AIR! 
TOKYO fainted! 
.....that was weird o.O;;
No sh- 
HUSH YOU! This is a child-friendly site! 
For a child-friendly sight there's sure a lot of blood and gore. 
...point taken. 
OLD LADY: HELP! LITTLE TIMMY FELL DOWN THE WELL! 
Really? Come one, Lassie, we have more important things to do! 
POPCORN MAN and LASSIE ran away! 
Which one...? 
Dunno. 
This is odd. 
No kidding. 
Moo! 
-_-;; 
Alright, GODZILLA, try Rampage.... 
Luigi! Stomp! 
Um...Beak Bomb? 
GODZILLA used RAMPAGE! 
GODZILLA threw a RAMPAGE: WORLD TOUR GAME PAK at LUIGI! 
LUIGI used STOMP! 
GAME was STOMPED FLAT! 
GAME fainted! 
KAZOOIE used BEAK BOMB! 
BEAK exploded! 
KAZOOIE fainted! 
LUIGI fainted! 
GODZILLA remains! 
GODZILLA was hurt by CAVITY! 
Eeep. 
Double eep. 
>:) 
POPCORN MAN sent out POPCORN MAN! 
POPCORN MAN sent out POPCORN MAN! 
WHAA...? 
We still have Pokémon! 
True! 
But NARRATOR is annoyed by all these POPCORN MANs and WANTS to get this 
BATTLE OVER WITH! 
Hah, sucks to be you! Eat them, Godzilla! 
GODZILLA used EAT! 
ACK! 
Quick, me, throw a bomb in his mouth! 
POPCORN MAN used BOMB THROW! 
POPCORN MAN chucked a BOMB into GODZILLA's MOUTH! 
BOMB exploded! 
GODZILLA exploded in a rain of GOO! 
....eew. 
GODZILLA fainted! 
NOOOOO!!! YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR THAT, YOU HEAR ME? 
POPCORN MAN used CAPS LOCK ABUSE! 
It's super effective! 
Nooo...blinded by caps... 
BAH! Me, Mega Punch! 
POPCORN MAN used MEGA PUNCH! 
POPCORN MAN gave MEGAMAN some PUNCH! 
MEGAMAN is happy! 
MEGAMAN joined POPCORN MAN! 
Yay! 
Shoot. 
MEGAMAN did just that! 
POPCORN MAN was sent to the LITTLE STAR THAT GOES DING! 
...interesting name for it. 
Um...Super Soaker? 
POPCORN MAN used SUPER SOAKER! 
MEGAMAN is MALFUNCTIONING! 
Crap. Um...me....err...Drop Kick? 
POPCORN MAN used DROP KICK! 
POPCORN MAN DROPPED a BRICK on POPCORN MAN's HEAD, just for KICKS! 
POPCORN MAN fainted! 
POPCORN MAN wins! 
....but WHICH ONE? 
NARRATOR is confused! 
It hurt itself in...NO! NARRATOR refuses to HURT itself! 
NARRATOR sent POPCORN MANs back to their RESPECTIVE VERSIONS! 
...except for BLUE POPCORN MAN, of course. 
THREE POPCORN MAN LOSSES, and ONE POPCORN MAN WIN in one battle...NARRATOR can only wonder how this will look on the records..... 

Setting: It's a secret, so :P

DAVE: So, how did I do? 
MR. KITE: Not bad. So, who won? 
DAVE: Um...I'm not even that sure... 
MR. KITE: -_-;; 
DAVE: Sorry about that. 
MR. KITE: S'okay...it's good to have a veteran battle writer around... 
DAVE: Even if my earlier battles all sucked ^_^ 
MR. KITE: My, aren't we Mr. Self Esteem. 
DAVE: Yep ^_^ 
Um....pardon NARRATOR to intrude, but this battle needs to end. 
MR. KITE: WHAT? People aren't supposed to see this! Dave, you left the camera 
on? 
DAVE: Ooops.... 
MR. KITE wants to fight! 

Click here for the next set of battles.