Previous Battles
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Where? Cerulean City
Player: Bob Maple
[Record: 0-1-0 (last battle:
lose Vs. Narrator)]
Argh. I must have my revenge. Hey, where’s Eevee?
EEVEE ran away!
It’s that cursed narrator minion. YOU WILL PAY!!!
NARRATOR is not MINION!
NARRATOR has no money to PAY with!
Why must you take everything literally minion?
NARRATOR is irked!
NARRATOR points to record!
I-I lost??? Curses!
NARRATOR gets the battle going!
IMMORTAL VOLDEMORT PLUSHIE appears!
What the heck is that ugly thing??
BOB used POKéDEX!
POKéDEX: A plushie type Pokémon. A twisted creation
of the webmistress, it has been known to molest monkeys
and is impossible to destroy. But it is a rather weak
Pokémon even though it’s impossible to destroy. Some
may even argue that it’s not really a Pokémon, including
the Pokémon its self. Appears to be a plushie version of
the main villain from Harry Potter.
NARRATOR wonders if anyone reading
this has read HARRY POTTER!
Well, I’m gonna catch myself an Immortal Voldemort Plushie!
IVP: Hell, no. You’re not gonna
catch me.
But you’re so cute!
IVP: I’m not cute! I’m gonna rule
the world!
Hey, that’s what I’m gonna do! You copycat minion!
IVP wants to fight!
Grrrr. My Eevee ran away, so go me.
Go! BOB!
IVP used FEAR ME!
Huh. That’s not an attack.
BOB needs new PANTS!
I don’t! Wait…now I do…
Me use Evil Irking!
BOB used EVIL IRKING!
IVP is FULLY IRKED!
IVP used PSYCHO PLUSH!
That’s disturbing!
PLUSH flew at BOB!
It failed!
That’s because it’s a PLUSH.
IVP used TIED!
BATTLE is TIED!
What the--?
IVP: Hey wanna be my ally?
I guess so. We can rule the world together!
Battle ENDED!
This is an sorry excuse for a
battle. -_-
NARRATOR is BORED!
NARRATOR goes to TROWA and QUATRE!
Where? Edge of Plain of Weird
Portals
Player: Quatre Raberba Winner
[Record: 1-0-0 (last battle:
win Vs Random Ozzie)]
Hey Trowa, do you have any idea where you can get ammo?
TROWA: I don’t know.
Yeah, it is kinda hard to find ammo
for a Gundam.
Where? Pallet Town
Player: Quatre Rabeba Winner
[Record: 1-0-0 (last battle:
win Vs Random Ozzie)]
Where are we? Trowa?
TROWA is POUTING!
Don’t worry! We’ll get you some ammo!
SIGN appears!
Pallet Town? Where are WE?????
OAK LAB appeared!
What? A lab that studies oak trees?
No, PROFESSOR OAK’S LAB!
Oh, a professor that is an oak tree.
>_<
NO!!!! HE’S A HUMAN!!!
Then explain all the oak trees around the lab.
O_O
NARRATOR never noticed THAT!
QUATRE is onto SOMETHING!
Maybe, OAK is a TREE in disguise!
O_o This is one strange world.
That’s POKEéBATTLES for ya!
Poy-kay-battles? What the heck is that?
Umm…
NARRATOR thinks how to EXPLAIN!
PROFESSOR MAPLE appeared!
Nep! It’s another tree Professor!
MAPLE: A tree?? Where?
MAPLE used LOOK!
MAPLE saw OAK TREES!
She’s scared of trees?
TREES are very DANGEROUS here!
Then she must not be a tree.
MAPLE: Of course I’m not a
tree! I’m a professor and
wife to the famous Bill Maple!
And MOTHER to BOB MAPLE!
MAPLE: Him? He was a mistake. You
see Bill and I
were trying to splice a human and
a charmander together in
order to get a talking charmander and Bob was created instead.
That EXPLAINS why BOB is BOB!
Uh, who is this Bob?
QUATRE doesn’t want to KNOW!
Anyways, Professor Maple, Trowa and I want to know what
This place is.
TROWA used NOD!
MAPLE: Oh that’s easy! Just
come into Professor Oak’s
lab and I’ll show you a
documentary on the wonderful world
of Pokémon!
If that’s Oak’s lab, then why are you here?
MAPLE: I’m labsitting.
NARRATOR wants to know why you are
watching over a DOG!
I think she’s watching over Oak’s lab, not a Labrador Retriever.
Oh.
NARRATOR is SORRY!
MAPLE: A narrator that is sorry?
That’s an oxymoron!
NARRATOR used SUMMON!
NARRATOR summoned LIGHTING!
MAPLE was STRUCK!
O_O Let’s go inside.
ALL went inside!
ALL included QUATRE, TROWA, and
MAPLE!
MAPLE: Okay, I’ll just pop in this
tape and you’ll learn all
about the world of Pokémon!
MAPLE left!
Okay, let’s watch this tape.
PIKACHU appeared on TV!
OAK VOICE: This is a Pokémon. Many
Pokémon exist and
we may never know all of them. Most
pokemon are cute
creatures, but also other things
such as sporks can be used
as Pokémon. Dangers of this world
are…
TREE appeared on TV!
OAK VOICE: …trees…
WORD ‘NARRATOR’ appeared on TV!
OAK VOICE: …narrators…
DOOMPUFF appeared on TV!
OAK VOICE: ..and occasionally a
doompuff or some kind of
spin-off. Luckily none exist in this
world and probably will never
will. Thank you for watching this
video and good-luck on your
Pokémon journey!
That’s it?
MAPLE appeared!
MAPLE: Well, I just called Professor
Oak and he told me to
give you Pokémon. Quatre, you get a
sandshrew…
QUATRE received SANDSHREW!
Want to give SANDSHREW a nickname?
Um, I’ll call him Sandrock!
ERROR: You have a POKéMON already
named SANDROCK!
Sandrock is considered a Pokémon? Okay, then I’ll call it Sand!
SANDSHREW is named SAND!
MAPLE: …Trowa you get a Mr. Mime.
TROWA received MR. MIME!
TROWA named MR. MINE!
MR MINE is named CLOWN-BOY!
MAPLE: And you guys need some
equipment.
TROWA and QUATRE received POKéEQUIPMENT!
Cool! Hey Trowa, wanna try out our cutie Pokémon?
TROWA nods!
STAY TUNNED FOR NEXT WEEKS BATTLE!
Hey, WEBMISSTRESS is LAZY!
Please comment on this battle at Gamers.com (need username)
Where? Oak Lab
Player: Trowa Barton
[Record: 1-0-0 (last battle:
win Vs Random Ozzie)]
QUATRE wants to BATTLE!
Hmm. Okay. Is there any rules?
Only POKéMON may be USED!
One on one battle!
May I ask why?
NARRATOR doesn’t want MAIN
CHARACTERS dead!
Or WEBMISSTRESS will go PSYCHO!
Okay. I will use Clown-boy.
Go! CLOWN-BOY!
QUATRE sent out SAND!
Um, use something Clown-boy.
CLOWN-BOY used MIME!
CLOWN-BOY is playing CHARADES!
SAND and QUATRE are ASKING!
O_o What the—
QUATRE: It’s a person?
Quatre, this is not the time to do this!
QUATRE: Oh I know who it is!
Who???
QUATRE: It’s Lawrence of Arabia!
*blinks*
QUATRE: You know, my hero!
RANDOM LoA PLUSH appears!
A Lawrence of Arabia plushie?
WEBMISSTRESS likes HISTORICAL
FIGURES!
WEBMISSTRESS appears!
WEBMISSTRESS uses GLOMP!
WEBMISSTRESS glomped RLOAP!
WEBMISSTRESS disappeared!
O_O WHERE ARE WE???????
QUATRE: Sand, use annoying sand!
SAND used ANNOYING SAND!
CLOWN-BOY is blinded!
CLOWN-BOY is also ANNOYED!
Um, use anything other than mime!
CLOWN-BOY used KNIVES!
KNIVES flew!
Up, up, and away!
Hm. Maybe that happened because Clown-boy was blinded.
KNIVES came back!
KNIVES smacked CLOWN-BOY!
CLOWN-BOY fainted!
QUATRE wins!
Well, that was interesting.
QUATRE agrees!
QUATRE captures RLOAP!
That’s still here? I though that person took it.
Don’t question it!
RANDOM THINGS are unpredictable!
War isn’t even this complicated!!!!
QUATRE: Um, I quite like this
place.
Hahahahaha!!
TROWA is looking stupid LAUGHING!
MAGANAC CORPS appeared!
MAGANAC CORPS: Master Quatre!
QUATRE: Awww, guys, where did you go
to?
MAGANAC CORPS: We went hunting!
That’s, that’s the creature we saw…
QUATRE: On the TV….
MAGANAC CORPS bagged a PIKACHU!
NARRATOR is DISGUSTED!
NARRATOR makes THROW-UP NOISES!
RANDOM GIRL gets NIGHTMARES!
RANDOM GIRL is from POKéMON TCG
LEAGUE!
WEBMISSTRESS appears!
Shut up about my real life!!!
WEBMISSTRESS is PMSING!
WEBMISSTRESS disappeared!
Women. When they has PMS, beware!
EVERYONE ran away!
Where? Webmisstress’s House
Player: Webmisstress
HOW DARE THEY USE MY REAL LIFE IN
THIS????
O_O
WEBMISSTRESS is IRKED!
PMSING FEMALES are SCARY!!
*eye twitch* Go away or I’ll tell
everyone who reads this
your real first name,
Narrator-san.
ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!!
NARRATOR ran away!
Please comment on this battle at Gamers.com (need username)
Where? Webmisstress’s House
Player: Webmisstress
[Record:1-0-0 (last battle:
technical win Vs. Narrator)]
I need to kill something.
WEBMISSTRESS sees PLUSHIES!
PLUSHIES are???
O_O
>_< Just freaking tell them!
O_O
PLUSHIES are RANDOM HITLER
PLUSHIE…
RANDOM NAPOLEON PLUSHIE…
RANDOM STALIN PLUSHIE!
NOW DIE EVIL PLUSHIES!!!!!!!!
RHP combusted!
Hmp. I always wanted to watch Hitler burn.
RNP was guillotined!
Just what that overly worshipped dude needed.
RSP was shot many times!
O_O
NARRATOR didn’t know that PLUSHIES
bled!
Mwahahahahahaha!!! DIE EVIL DICTATORS!!!
WEBMISSTRESS is INSANE!
Oh yes, the narrator.
O_O
WEBMISSTRESS noticed NARRATOR!
NARRATOR is in trouble!
Oh yes, now what will I do with you?
NARRATOR is worried!
Should I boil you in a big pot??
O_O
OR should I hang you up in the front hallway?
WEBMISSTRESS has been watching too
much MKR!
Hey, I like that anime! Magic Knight Rayearth rocks!
NARRATOR doesn’t care!
>_< I know what I’m going to do.
What?
I’m gonna make you the player for today’s battle!
How can WEBMISSTRESS do that?
I can put you in your corporal form with out Narrator Powers!
What the—
And you’ll have to go by your first name.
O_O
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Anyways, your fiancé will see you though.
That almost makes up for it.
But NARRATOR’S first NAME????
And I’ll narrate!
Now you shall be mortal!!
Where? On the way to Pewter City
Player: Narrator
[Record:3-1-0 (last battle:
technical loss Vs. webmisstress)]
Oy. This is strange having a body….
WEBMISSTRESS laughs!
NARRATOR is renamed DWYER!
*cries* I hate that name!!!
Want your middle name revealed?
O_O Dwyer Narrator is okay!!!
Good.
Fiancé YUMEKO appeared!
TOM appeared!
Hey Yume-chan!
YUMEKO: How do you know my name?
YUMEKO is suspicious!
It’s me, the narrator!
YUMEKO: Then who is narrating?
YUMEKO used SWORD THREATEN!
SWORD was at DWYER’S throat!
Come on Webmisstress! I don’t wanna die!
DWYER is NARRATOR’S CORPORAL FORM!
WEBMISSTRESS is NARRATING!
YUMEKO: Oh sorry Narrator-san.
YUMEKO put away SWORD!
*sighs* Thanks Yume-chan.
TOM: Why are you out here? Aren’t
you supposed
to be up in the sky?
Um, the webmisstress made this happen.
YUMEKO: You’re good-looking for a
Narrator.
DWYER blushed!
Well, thank you.
YUMEKO: I want to know why you
aren’t speaking in caps.
Well, I guess ‘cause it’s I’m in my corporal form.
WEBMISSTRESS decides to leave YUMEKO
and DWYER alone!
WEBMISSTRESS used KIDNAP!
WEBMISSTRESS kidnapped TOM!
Where? Webmisstress’s House
Player: Tom Marvolo Riddle
[Record: none]
I have the aqua text now?
WEBMISSTRESS appears!
Why is she looking at me that way?
WEBMISSTRESS: Tom Riddle-sama!!!
WEBMISSTRESS used GLOMP!
WEBMISSTRESS glomped TOM!
Neep! I can’t breathe!
TOM used STRUGGLE!
It was unsuccessful!
;_; Please let me go….
WEBMISSTRESS: But you’re so cute!!
What is up with you?
WEBMISSTRESS: You don’t like me?
WEBMISSTRESS used CRY!
FLOOR was FLOODED!
O_O It’s not that, it’s just you
are acting
fangirly.
WEBMISSTRESS: I’ll deal with you
later.
WEBMISSTRESS used RETURN!
TOM was returned to QUARTZ VERSION!
Where? On the way to Pewter City
Player: Narrator
[Record:3-1-0 (last battle:
technical loss Vs. webmisstress)]
DWYER and YUMEKO are kissing!
TOM appeared!
On top of DWYER and YUMEKO!
Ow! Hey, where did you come from?
TOM is unable to speak!
TOM needs new pants!
Oh, it was the webmisstress.
TOM: She’s scary….
TOM fainted!
This was one odd battle. Can I get back now?
Fine.
WEBMISSTRESS won against TOM!
DWYER was renamed NARRATOR!
NARRATOR lost CORPORAL FORM!
BATTLE over!
Please comment on this battle at Gamers.com (need username)
Where? On some random road to no-where
Player: Immortal Voldemort Plushie
[Record: 0-0-1 (last battle:
tie Vs. Bob Maple)]
I am not a bloody doompuff spin-off!
NARRATOR wonders why IVP speaks
like a BRITISH person!
That’s because I am British.
NARRATOR knew that!
Yeah right.
BOB: Then why is your name
Immortal Voldemort Plushie?
Because the stupid webmisstress and her friend
created me that way. With a stupid Harry Potter plushie
that squeaks when you poke it.
BOB: Oh, you’re not a bloodthirsty
psycho cute thing?
*sighs* Even if I was a bloodthirsty psycho cute thing,
I wouldn’t be able to kill anyone! I’m a plushie for
badness sake!
IVP is a PLUSHIE!
With RED GLOWLY EYES! O_O
Yes, dangit fear me!
Ha! NARRATOR is not scared!
NARRATOR will CREATE spin-off
DOOMPUFF!
Huh? I thought the webmisstress forbade that.
It’s a WEBMISSTRESS APROVED
DOOMPUFF!
Joy.
REALLY CUTE JIGGLYPUFF OF IRON
CHEF COOKING appeared!
O_O
BOB: O_O
O_O
BOB: O_O
O_O
STOP IT!!!!!
Oh yeah, what does the pokédex say about this thing?
BOB used POKéDEX!
POKéDEX: A doompuff spin-off type pokémon. Unlike most
doompuff spin-offs, this one doesn’t maim and destroy. The
only reason this particular Jigglypuff is considered a doompuff
spin-off is because it has a habit of accidentally causing food
poisoning with it’s cooking. Also is very formable when it
wants some one to eat it’s cooking and will threaten with it’s
inflate attack if refused. If still refused it might go doompuff
on you. This has not been confirmed as of now since hardly
anyone refuses this Jigglypuff. For short this Jigglypuff is
called Ironpuff.
NARRATOR wonders why POKéDEX
ENTRIES are so long!
Especially in QUARTZ VERSION!
Probably because the author is used to writing stories, not these.
That would explain it!
WEBMISSTRESS loves to DEFINE
things!
I know, the webmisstress is a nut.
O_O
BE QUIET OR….
NARRATOR shudders!
Anything that makes the narrator shudder is scary. O_o
BOB: What about that Jigglypuff?
Well, it’s an Ironpuff so it can’t hurt us.
Hasn’t IVP listened to POKéDEX?
I’m immortal. A doompuff will never kill me.
IRONPUFF: Jigg!
POKéDEX used TRANSLATOR!
IRONPUFF: <Let’s cook!>
My dear Jigglypuff, I will not cook with you.
BOB: Maybe you shouldn’t irk the
Ironpuff.
What can it do??
IRONPUFF used INFLATE!
IRONPUFF is now seven feet both length
and width!
O_O Egads that’s huge!
IRONPUFF: <Will cook?>
No, I’m an evil plushie! I have no need for cooking!
IRONPUFF: <YOU WILL COOK WITH
ME!>
IRONPUFF used WIDE MOUTH!
WIDE MOUTH took IVP captive!
BOB: O_O It-it ate him!!!!!!!!!!!
Can’t run away!
BOB: Oh gods, I’m gonna die!!!
BOB faints!
IRONPUFF used LET GO!
IVP was released!
O_O
IVP is stunned!
It may not attack!
Me use stun heal.
IVP is not stunned anymore!
It may attack!
IVP sees BOB!
*sighs* I guess I have to revive him.
IVP used REVIVE!
BOB: You’re alive!
Of course I am! I’m immortal!
Stop bragging!
Okay, okay! It didn’t have fangs.
BOB: A Doompuff without fangs?
Impossible!
Maybe that’s why it’s webmisstress approved.
BOB: Well, I have to see for
myself!
BOB used INVESTIVGATE!
BOB stuck his head into WIDE
MOUTH!
BOB: Yeah, you’re right, it has no
fangs.
IRONPUFF used MOUTH CLOSE!
BOB’S HEAD was trapped!
OH MY GODS! IT’S GOT BOB!!!
BOB used STRUGGLE!
It had no effect!
IRONPUFF used SHRINK!
IRONPUFF shrank!
BOB’S HEAD prevented attack from
finishing!
BOB’S HEAD was released!
Attack was finished!
That was odd….
BOB: I thought I was gonna die!
IRONPUFF: <Cook?>
I don’t want to go through that again!
Then say YES!
Okay, Jigglypuff we will cook with you.
IRONPUFF: <Yay!>
BATTLE ended!
BOB and IVP lost against IRONPUFF!
Tune in next week for more Quartz
Version!