Previous Battles
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Where? Outside of Gatesburg
Player: Bob Maple
[Record: (0-2-1)
(last battle: loss Vs. Ducktape Man)]
Okay, so we’re going try and find
allies right?
IVP: Yeah. Now I heard that this
place is ripe for evil allies!
MARK: But that Narrator guy is back.
Heh. The Narrator minion can’t do anything.
NARRATOR can!
NARRATOR used SUMMON!
NARRATOR summoned CHOCO/MOG!
O_o Is that a Chocobo???
O_O
Wrong summon!
CHOCOBO disappeared!
NARRATOR used SUMMON!
NARRATOR summoned SUMO WRESTLER!
SUMO WRESTLER fell on BOB!
Must… Get…Away…..
BOB used STRUGGLE!
SUMO WRESTLER didn’t feel a thing!
IVP: I think you should respect
the Narrator more.
I… Don’t… Respect… Minions…..
NARRATOR is not MINION!
BOB is MINION!
><
NARRATOR doesn’t want BOB to die!
Thanks… Minion…..
Because NARRATOR loves to torture
BOB!
….
SUMO WRESTLER disappeared!
Upon the legendary Pokémon I swear you will feel my wrath!!!
MARK: What is this legendary Pokey
Man?
IVP: Pokémon are what the animals
in this world are called.
MARK: Oh.
Anyways, enough talk from the peanut gallery.
IVP: I am not a Peanut!
Voldie, come on I was just joking.
IVP resents being called VOLDIE!
IVP used IGNORE!
IVP ignored BOB’S stupidity!
>< Let’s go then!
MARK: Hey there’s a sign here.
SIGN: This town is owned by Jesus
Christ.
O_o
IVP: O_o
MARK: O_o
O_o
Th-the sign talked!
IVP and MARK facefault!
IVP: You dumb idiot!
MARK: Jesus wouldn’t own a town!
I guess he got rich off of selling all those bibles.
MARK: The publishers get the money
from the bibles.
B-but I thought he wrote the bible!
IVP: A whole bunch of people wrote
it.
ENOUGH WITH THE BIBLE TALK!
NARRATOR thinks RELIGIOUS TALK
should STOP!
What are you, anti-christian?
NARRATOR is not ANTI-CHRISTIAN!
NARRATOR just believes that RELIGION
does not belong on a POKéBATTLES SITE!
MARK: He does have a point you
know, Bob.
I hate it when I’m wrong……
IVP: Anyways, Jesus must be a rich
guy to own a whole town.
But if he owns the town, then why is it called Gatesburg?
MARK: Maybe it’s just an
expression put up by some church.
Let’s hope so!
TWO RANDOM SCIENCISTS appear!
RANDOM SCIENCIST: You’ve got it
all wrong!
RANDOM SCIENCIST 2: It is named
after Jesus!
RANDOM SCIENCIST: Yes! Most people
know him as Bill Gates!
WHAT THE?????
RANDOM SCIENCIST 2: You see Bill
Gates is Jesus reborn!
BOB used SCREAM!
BOB attacked!
RANDOM SCIENCISTS were renamed MAD
SCIENCISTS!
MAD SCIENCISTS used GENE SPLICE!
It failed!
BOB’S genes are already messed up!
MAD SCIENCIST: How could that
fail?
MAD SCIENCIST 2: What is your name
boy?
BOB is in a RAGE!
BOB cannot ANSWER!
IVP: Um, his name is Bob Maple.
MAD SCIENCIST: Professor Maple’s
child!
MAD SCIENCIST: Forgive us
Professor Maple!
MAD SCIENCISTS forfeit!
BOB ignores forfeit!
BOB is in a RAGE!
BOB uses FLAMETHROWER!
MAD SCIENCISTS were renamed PILES
OF ASH!
MAD SCIENCISTS died!
BILL GATES appears!
GATES: How dare you kill two of my
worshippers!
BOB is in a RAGE!
BOB reached limit break!
BOB used CHARMANDER RAGE!
BOB turned into CHARMANDER!
IVP: Too much red text! Change the
player!!!!!
Player: Mark Witushynsky
[Record: (0-2-0)
(last battle: loss Vs. Ducktape Man)]
I finally have the player text!
BOB used FLAMETHROWER!
BILL GATES used SIDE-STEP!
Attack missed!
BOB is in a RAGE!
BOB turned into VINCENT!
O_O
VINCENT????!!!!!
BOB took out a GUN!
BOB: I will kill all mad scientists!
NARRATOR used RESTRAIN!
BOB was restrained!
NARRATOR used TRANQUILLIZER!
BOB fainted!
Finally I get to talk!
BATTLE ended!
Hey! I wanted to talk!
….
Crap. The narrator isn’t even here. ><
Please comment on this battle at Ezboard.com (need username)
Where? Webmisstress’s House
Player: Webmisstress
[Record:1-0-0 (last battle:
technical win Vs. Narrator)]
WEBMISSTRESS is playing FFVII!
Yes, I am Narrator-san and it is irking me.
Why is GAME irking WEBMISTRESS?
I want a FEMALE green chocobo, but
I keep getting a male one. -_-
CHOCOBOS mating?
Is it like mating POKéMON?
No. Mating Pokémon in Gold and Sliver is a lot easier.
But it’s TIME consuming!
Mating Chocobos is time consuming and money consuming.
NARRATOR understands!
Well, now that you understand
get off your butt and work on the battle!
NARRATOR is scared!
NARRATOR left!
Where? On the way to Pewter City
Player: Yumeko Jurai
[Record: 2-1-0(last battle: Win
Vs. Misty)]
Okay, Jigglypuff-san. You’re gonna cook for us?
What is YUMEKO doing?
I’m trying to get this Jigglypuff to join us.
TOM: Yeah, neither of us can cook.
NARRATOR facefaults!
Anyway, Jigglypuff-san will you join us?
IRONPUFF: Puff!
POKéLAPTOP used TRANSLATOR!
IRONPUFF: <YES!>
Sweet! I love ya Jigglypuff-san!
NARRATOR is jealous!
Not that way Dwyer!
DON’T say that name!
Oh sorry, Narrator-san.
NARRATOR is happy!
NARRATOR can’t wait ‘til the
WEDDING!
But when we’re married I’m calling you by your first name.
….
Narrator-san?
NARRATOR’S FIRST NAME?
Yes that.
NARRATOR doesn’t have a FIRST NAME!
Yes, you do. Don’t question the webmisstress.
Not when NARRATING!
So you don’t have a first name when you are narrating?
RIGHT!
Okay….
PIKACHU TRAINER appeared!
Look Evil Pika! Another Pikachu!
EVIL PIKA looks interested!
PIKACHU TRAINER wants to fight!
PIKACHU TRANIER sent out PIKACHU!
Okay, go Evil Pika!
There’s no will to fight!
But I just gave him several potions!
EVIL PIKA wants to flirt!
O_O
With PIKACHU!
Well…. I guess that’s more sane. Well, go Sean!
Go! SEAN!
SEAN is a level 50 Gyarados??
You
haven’t seen him for 12 battles now.
YUMEKO has
trained SEAN a lot!
Well, duh.
NARRATOR was complimenting you!
Oh thanks! I love ya!
NARRATOR loves YUMEKO as well!
Anyways, Sean use Hydro Pump!
EVIL PIKA used THUNDERSHOCK!
WHAT?!
SEAN fainted!
Use next Pokémon?
What the hell??
Go! HELL!
You don’t have that Pokémon!
Use next Pokémon?
Oh what the hell. I choose ya Evil Pika!
Go! EVIL PIKA!
Use flirt!
EVIL PIKA used FLIRT!
It was super effective!
Oh my gods…
PIKACHU TRAINER: O_O
TOM: Hehe. Aren’t they cute?
PIKACHUS are mating??
Evil Pika…..
PIKACHU TRAINER: My Pikachu…..
PIKACHU layed two EGGS!
O_O Isn’t a Pikachu a mammal?
GAME DESIGNERS don’t care!
NARRATOR does!
PIKACHU TRAINER: Just. Take. An.
Egg.
YUMEKO received EGG!
PIKACHU TRAINER ran away!
With EGG and PIKACHU!
That was odd. Now what the hell were you doing Evil Pika??
TOM: Just give it a break. It wanted
to reproduce.
Gods…. Sometimes males are so stupid.
IRONPUFF: <Ditto.>
RANDOM DITTO appeared!
RANDOM DITTO: Dit?
RANDOM DITTO disappeared!
I take that back. Males are stupid all the time.
NARRATOR resents that!
Go talk to the webmisstress.
><
YUMEKO tied with PIKACHU TRAINER!
But she ran away!
YUMEKO irked NARRATOR!
NARRATOR left!
Where? Webmisstress’s House
Player: Webmisstress
[Record:1-0-0 (last battle:
technical win Vs. Narrator)]
NARRATOR appeared!
Oh hello. I figured out my chocobo problem.
What did you do?
I just mated the male green chocobo that I got with it’s mother.
That’s called INCEST you know!
Oh go bugger off.
Fine.
BATTLE ended!
Please comment on this battle at Gamers.com (need username)
Where? Ducktape Man’s secret hideout
Player: Ducktape Man
[Record: 1-0-0 (last battle:
win Vs. Immortal Voldemort Plushie, Bob, and Mark)]
DTM appeared!
I really don’t like this uniform….
It’s not a UNIFORM but a COSTUME!
Okay, okay! It’s a costume!
Good boy!
Anyways, I’m taking off this mask. It makes me feel sick.
DTM took off mask!
DTM is….O_O
What’s wrong?
WEBMISSTRESS has been playing too
much FFVII!
Okay… Just tell them who I am.
DTM is really CLOUD!
NARRARTOR goes O_o!
*blinks* Um, Mr. Narrator why are you freaking out?
You are new OBESSION of WEBMISTRESS?
Obsession? I don’t know anything about this.
WEBMISSTRESS said one of her new
OBESSIONS will be in battle!
Which means there is MENTAL CLOUD PLUSHIE in her head!
O_O Does that mean that the Immortal Voldemort plushie is an obsession?
NO!
IVP was created via the HARRY
POTTER plushie!
O_O
Anyways, how did CLOUD get the job
of DTM?!
I forget.
NARRARTOR blinks!
NARRARTOR can’t believe you forgot
that!
I forget many things. Haven’t you played the game?
Yeah, but…..
IT WASN’T THAT FAR BACK!!!
No need to yell. I just have to go and find how I was hired.
Is this CLOUD’S quest?
And Ducktape man’s because I’m him.
NARRATOR rolls eyes!
NARRATOR asks why is it ducktape
and not duct tape?
Explain the picture on the costume of a duck standing on a roll of tape.
Point taken.
Anyways, I don’t know where to start.
You could always use STALK!
The last time I did that the world almost ended!
O_O
And I stalked him all over creation!
CLOUD’S not in FFVII anymore!
CLOUD does not have to worry about
the STALK attack!
Also I need a person to stalk.
NARRATOR forgot about that!
You know what?
Yes?
I rather be stalking him than talking to you.
HIM does have a name!
Shhh. Don’t tell anyone!
NARRATOR rolls eyes!
NARRATOR won’t tell!
Because WEBMISSTRESS can’t spell
name!
Is she a complete idiot?
NARRATOR fwapps CLOUD!
Don’t do that!
Ow… but I’ve survived worse!
NARRATOR can’t believe CLOUD is
being such an IDIOT!
NARRATOR knows SOMETHING!
What do you know Mr. Narrator??
Nothing!
I question that word.
What in the world do you mean?!
I am sure that you are hiding something!
So what if NARRATOR is?!
I’M BLOODY TIRED OF HAVING THINGS HIDDEN FROM ME!!!
CLOUD used BRITISHISM!
><
Hehe.
Hmp! I shall now go on my quest to find how I was hired!
Not now!
WHAT??
CELL PHONE went off!
CLOUD used ANSWER!
CLOUD answered CELL PHONE!
Hello?
WEBMISSTRESS: I got an alert call
from the school in
Pallet Town! It’s on fire! You’re
their only hope Ducktape man!
CALL ended!
Okay! Ducktape Man!
CLOUD turns into DTM!
DTM runs off into the DISTANCE!
Where? Pallet Town Elementary School about one second later
DTM arrived!
I’m here to save the day!
FIREMAN: Um, sorry buddy, but we
called you two hours ago.
What??
FIREMAN: Well, at least all the
children are safe.
;_; And I wanted to show off my flame retardant ducktape suit!
DUCKTAPE retards flames?
Oy. I think the need to pun is getting to the narrator.
DUCKTAPE is flame retardant?????
It’s been developed especially for me!
NARRATOR wants!!!!!!!!
O_O Anyways, why did it take it two hours for me to know about the fire?
NARRATOR will call WEBMISSTRESS!
NARRATOR used CELL PHONE!
Where? Same place two hours later
CELL PHONE went off!
NARRATOR used ANSWER!
NARRATOR answered CELL PHONE!
WEBMISSTRESS: Um, it takes two
hours because it takes an hour both
ways between the real world and
Quartz Version. I’ll fix it as soon as
possible!
CALL ended!
Okay….. I think I will just go on my quest now…
CLOUD left!
SHADOWY FIGURE left SHADOWS!
SHADOWY FIGURE is renamed SCOTTISH
TAPE MAN!
SCOTTISH TAPE MAN is renamed STM!
STM: Now, I will have my chance to
get rid of my rival! Mwahahahahaha!
STM is DTM’S rival?
STM: Of course! We use two
different tapes. And mine is superior.
NARRATOR doubts that!
STM: Hmp. I stalk him now!
STM used STALK!
STM is stalking DTM!
BATTLE ended!
Please comment on this battle at Gamers.com (need username)
Where? On some random road to no-where
Player: Immortal Voldemort Plushie
[Record: 0-1-1 (last battle:
lose Vs. Really Cute Jigglypuff of Iron Chef Cooking)]
Man, that Jigglypuff can make some
good omelets!
BOB agrees!
IRONPUFF is happy!
It better be, ‘cause I can’t eat anymore!
IRONPUFF used BOW!
IRONPUFF bowed!
My dear Jigglypuff…
BOB: Dear minion Jigglypuff.
Anyways, before I was rudely
interrupted…
BOB used SMACK!
BOB smacked IVP!
*eye twitch* CUT THAT OUT BOB!!!
NARRATOR may only use CAPS LOCK KEY!
NARRATOR used SUMMON!
CAPS LOCK KEY was summoned!
CLK used SMACK!
CLK smacked IVP!
Why the hell is a click smacking me?
NARRATOR is irked!
CLK stands for CAPS LOCK KEY!
IVP was smacked!
CLK did it’s job!
CLK disappeared!
I have been smacked twice. I don’t like it.
Tough!
Who asked you Narrator?
NARRATOR does not care what you
think!
Anyways, IRONPUFF wants to say
something!
Yes, my dear Jigglypuff.
IRONPUFF: <Thanks for eating!
Let’s eat sometime again!>
IRONPUFF used FLOAT!
IRONPUFF floated away!
That thing is gonna give me nightmares.
BOB: Why? It’s not a doompuff.
It’s a jigglypuff with a FRYING PAN!
BOB: Oh. Now I see your point.
IVP gained a POINT!
That is so overused.
IVP gained another POINT!
I think the narrator person has been thinking too much.
NARRATOR has not been DRINKING too
much!
O_O I said thinking…..
IVP is confused!
NOOOOOOOO!!!
IVP hurt itself in it’s confusion!
I am not confused anymore!
IVP is no longer confused!
Anyways, what is the point to this endless bickering?
RANDOM OZZIE appeared!
RANDOM OZZIE: I’ve been lost for days now. I’m irked.
Who may you be uniformed person?
RANDOM OZZIE: Um, my name is Mark
Witushynsky.
RANDOM OZZIE was renamed MARK!
What kind of last name is that??
MARK: Trust me, it’s a real name.
Yeah and I’m a plushie.
NARRATOR would like to POINT out
that you are one!
Oh shoot! I keep forgetting that! I guess that really is your name.
BOB: How do you say your name? Is
it wit-a-sin-skee?
Yeah, how do you say it???
RANDOM OZZIE: Don’t bother. My
first name is Mark.
Anyways how in the world did the webmisstress come up with that name?
Name MARK was randomly chosen from
PHONE BOOK!
WITUSHYNSKY is MIDDLE SCHOOL
assistant principal!
Named after an assistant principal? I pity you.
MARK shouldn’t be pitied!
His father is a MIDDLE
SCHOOL assistant principal!
Of where?
MARK: Oh some military academy.
A middle school that is a military academy?
MARK: Actually it’s a school in Chicago
that pretends to be militarish.
And yes such a SCHOOL does EXIST!
O_O How strange.
WEBMISSTRESS don’t like the idea
of that SCHOOL!
It irks her!
Anyways, why do we always say irk instead of annoyed?
Your QUESTIONS irk NARRATOR!
Okay, okay! I’ll back off!
NARRARTOR calms down!
Well, Mark want to join us?
MARK nods!
MARK: I might as well since I’m
stuck here.
What was the whole point of this battle?
NARRARTOR is irked!
DUCKTAPEMAN appeared!
Isn’t it supposed to be duct tape?
NARRATOR does not care!
DUCKTAPEMAN was renamed DTM!
DTM wants to fight!
Okay! Use fear me!
IVP used FEAR ME!
DTM already went to the restroom!
DTM used DUCKTAPE!
IVP was DUCKTAPED to a SCHOOL BUS
seat!
BOB was DUCKTAPED to a SCHOOL BUS
seat!
MARK was DUCKTAPED to a SCHOOL BUS
seat!
DTM disappeared!
This is lovely. HOW ARE WE GONNA GET OUT OF HERE??
CLK used SMACK!
IVP was smacked for using CAPS
LOCK KEY!
CLK disappeared!
I hate my life…..
BATTLE ended!