Battle #46: Rebirth
- October 6th, 2002
Setting: Flame Version: The Second
Coming
Player: Flashfire [15-13-2]
Last battle: Some result against someone
FLASHFIRE
appeared!
Is this really the Second Coming? I mean, I'd have
thought there'd be more angels singing chorus, harps playing in the
background, something..
NARRATOR notes that WE don't have the BUDGET for THAT!
So what DO we have the budget for?
KAZOO appears!
.. no.
KAZOO goes away again!
So, I guess this is the point where I explain why
Flame Version is coming back. Well, it all started back when I was
but a nonexistant cl-
NARRATOR notes that FLASHFIRE should get to the POINT!
Fine. Twelve stars does not make a #1 site. It is
possible for someone newly updating to make #1 on their first week.
I have the challenge presented of achieving this.
NARRATOR decides to explain instead!
NARRATOR: One word: Ego.
Shut the hell up, YOUuuu... uh.. hey, what exactly
ARE you, anyway?
NARRATOR is a NARRATOR!
Was that TOO HARD to WORK OUT for YOURSELF?
You forget that the same guy is writing all of this
anyway, and he probably has a well constructed plotline for this battle.
But then again, who'd be stupid enough to try getting 6BQ for the first
time ever without a PLAN?!
MATT: .................
.. I decline to comment on that.
NARRATOR decides to just START this thing before the WRITER
dies!
NARRATOR: Actually, we'll start it after!
WRITER dies!
BATTLE continues anyway!
..uh.. you want him to be not dead, or something.
Fine.
WRITER UNDIES!
Gain WRITING INSPIRATION from your UNDERWEAR! NEW TECHNOLOGY!
Avaliable for the LOW LOW SALE price of £4543295329645995762349526435692374564601--
MATT: Woah, cool. I think I need
some of those.
Do you have the LOW LOW SALE price of £4543295-largemountainofcash-562522935..
Can we just start already?
NARRATOR: Oh, the battle? Sure.
FLASHFIRE
is in a CAR!
Am I driving the car?
YES!
I don't own a car.
FLASHFIRE is DRIVING in DEB'S CAR!
I don't have a license, then.
NARRATOR: I get the feeling you're deliberately trying to
undermine this battle.
Oh, gee, what gives you THAT idea?
FLASHFIRE is DRIVING on the WRONG SIDE of the ROAD!
No, I'm on the right side of the road.
SINCE FLASHFIRE's COUNTRY drives on the WRONG SIDE of the
ROAD, being on the RIGHT SIDE is the WRONG SIDE to BE on!
.. can you run that past me again?
SUV rams into CAR!
Ow. I thought you were going to run it PAST me,
not INTO me.
CAR is a WRITE-OFF!
Right on.
NARRATOR declines to comment...
But the SUV looks worse!
WARDEN appears!
WARDEN: Hi, I'm afraid you can't park there.
Do I LOOK parked here?
WARDEN: Yes, you do.
But my car.. well, my car is just a pile of scrap
on the road!
WARDEN: Most of them are.
Touché.
WARDEN: Anyway, I need to issue you with a ticket.
What sort of ticket..
WARDEN: It's a DECAYING TICKET of UNGODLY FINING.
Cool. What's it give?
WARDEN: +15 to INTIMIDATION, -3 to LONGEVITY, and +£30000
to MY BANK BALANCE.
UNGODLY FINING. O_o
MATT: I don't think it's safe to use
a Diablo 2 joke. Too topical.
Well, surely everyone in this community knows what
D2 is?
MATT: Aren't you just saying that to
get Jason to credit the joke?
WELL I'M NOT THE ONE WRITING THIS, NOW AM I?
MATT: ...remind me never to create
characters with more wit than me, ever again.
And thus, all of Matt's future characters were
vegetables.
WARDEN: Who are you talking to, anyway?
Why is it that only I can detect breaches in the
fourth wall, anyway..?
MATT: Because I repair them all with
duct tape.
WARDEN: Say, what is this piece of scotch tape doing hanging
in mid air..
Uhh.. just give me the ticket already, and be done
with it. I've got nowhere to be, and I'd like to get there on time,
if you may.
WARDEN: Ok.. since this is a set item, it'll cost you 15
SOJs
You mean Stone of Jordan?
WARDEN: Nup. Songs of Joy. Sung.
.. there is no way I'm singing 15 songs of joy.
WARDEN: Very well then, no ticket for you.
*idea*
Wow, that's too bad. But, I can survive without one. Bye
now.
FLASHFIRE wanders away!
WARDEN: Too bad for him, heh.
TIME passes!
WARDEN: ... hey, wait a minute...
WARDEN realises it's been HAD!
MATT: Wow, what a smart cookie.
WARDEN EATS the SMART COOKIE!
WARDEN: Mm, brain food.
MATT: Just find that son of a poodle
so we can actually start the battle.
WARDEN heads to NOWHERE!
Setting: Nowhere
SIGN appears!
SIGN: WELCOME TO NOWHERE!
Mm, talking signs.
WARDEN appears!
WARDEN wishes to BATTLE you!
Mm, foolhardy wardens.
DONUTS appear!
DONUTS are FALLING FROM THE SKY!
Mm... wait a sec, that's been done before.
WARDEN: This is a Poké Battle. Everything's been done
before.
But you're just a traffic warden created by the
Narrator to fight me! How can you know that much so soon..?
WARDEN: Behold the power of cheese.
NARRATOR notes CHEESE had NOTHING to DO with it!
WARDEN: So?
Ok.. go, --wait a sec. I press Start.
MENU appears!
I select Pokédex.
POKéDEX selected!
Your POKéDEX has NOTHING in it!
Oh, goodie. I get to send NOTHING out again?
... SUDDEN REPHRASE OCCURS!
Your POKéDEX is empty!
DON'T be so OBVIOUS next TIME!
Spoilsport. Okay, unpause.
TIME resumes itself!
WARDEN sends out TICKET!
FLASHFIRE sends out FLASHFIRE!
Me, use Flashfire!
FLASHFIRE used FLASHFIRE!
It's incredibly predictable!
So sue me.
FLASHFIRE was SUED for INSATIABLE AMOUNTS of MONEY!
LAWYERS were SET on FIRE!
Nice to know not even the legal system has a home
here. Can we keep going?
WARDEN used ITEM: PEN!
TICKET had FLASHFIRE's NAME and REGISTRATION written on it!
TICKET now KNOWS WHO you ARE!
So, go on, who am I?
TICKET: You are.. FLASHFIRE! And your REGISTRATION is.. blank?
That's because the number plates were destroyed when
the thing wrecked.
TICKET used ASK!
TICKET: I'd like your registration, please.
Must... not... give... in...
It's not very effective..
.. blah. The plate had DEB 1 on it.
.. Why must you ALWAYS try to prove me WRONG?!
Because it's EASY! And FUN! And...
NARRATOR WANTED you to do THAT, anyway, so you'd get NEARER
to LOSING this BATTLE!
And how will giving that thing my registration aid
that..?
WARDEN used ITEM: POKéGEAR!
WARDEN CALLed the DMV!
WARDEN: That car was reported missing.
Who by?
DEB appeared!
.. uh oh.
DEB: Dude, where's my car?
*LAUGH NOW*
See, that joke was so pathetic that you had to CUE
laughter.
MATT: Ah, give it a rest.
WARDEN: Your car has been found to be illegally parked somewhere
on route 0.
Illegally parked? The thing was a complete WRECK
last time I saw it!
DEB: whaaa? :(:(:(
DEB: matt you wrecked my car, that means i shall have to
wreak vengeance
MATT: Hey, I'm just writing the battle.
o.o;;
DEB: ok then i shall extract my vengeful wrath upon flashfire
then
Uh.. that'll have to wait until next week, I'm being
beaten up by a ticket.
DEB: oh ok
TICKET used BEAT UP!
FLASHFIRE is being BEATen UP!
TICKET used BEATDOWN!
FLASHFIRE is being BEATen DOWN!
Don't say it.
TICKET used BEATLEFT!
TICKET moves LEFT to the BEAT!
Is this going to turn into DDR now?
YOU'RE DOING GREAT!
Oh no.
YOU'RE A DANCING MACHINE!
No, YOU'RE a 'dancing machine'. I'm a firedog.
NOT YOU! TICKET!
Oh, ok.
OH, NO! COMBO BROKEN!
TICKET is distraught!
TICKET ran away!
WARDEN: Oh no! My DECAYED TICKET of UNGODLY FINING! Get back
here!
WARDEN pursued the TICKET!
WARDEN ran away!
That was slightly too easy.
DEB: oh but i asked the narrator to do that
Whyever did you do that, Debbie dear?
DEB: so i could fight you while you were still alive instead
:P
I'm so pleased.
DEB: you should be
Well, I am.
DEB: good
No, really.
DEB: i heard you the first time :(
I know you did.
DEB: do you really
Yes I do.
NARRATOR: IS THIS GOING ANYWHERE?!
What if it isn't?
FLASHFIRE was KILLED by a SUDDEN LARGE WEIGHT!
DEB: nooo :( that was my duty
NARRATOR got tired of him! Simple.
Uh.. I'm not dead yet.
*LAUGH NOW*
DEB: matt what was that cue for
MATT: I have no idea.
FLASHFIRE is now known as ROADKILL!
ugh.
DEB: ew
MATT: Lunch.
...
DEB: ...
NARRATOR: ...
MATT: As in 'time for'. Bye now.
MATT went away!
ROADKILL was named FLASHFIRE again!
DEB: and now, i come for you
Bring it on.
-- To be Continued.
I hate those 'to be continued' things.
DEB: can't i just kill him now? :(
-- No, You May Not.
DEB: ooh, it speaks
*LAUGH NOW*
Maybe this battle will actually finish soon.
*LAUGH NOW*
Maybe a battle in Flame will EVER finish when it
should!
*LAUGH NOW*
*BLEED NOW*
*CRY NOW*
*EXACT VENGEANCE UPON MAN WHO KILLED YOUR PARENTS NOW*
DEB: is there a 'car' one of those?
*DRIVE AWAY NOW*
DEB: .... i can't :(
*CLOSE PAGE NOW*
*.. WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE NOW*
*.. YOU SHOULD BE
LEAVING YOUR COMMENTS HERE NOW *
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