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CHRIS: Thanks.
Location: Spectral Tunnel
Review at the Network Board. NEXT: like father, like son's friend.
Seems like there are so many twists and turns...
Light Version Battle #5b - And Then There Were Three - November 22nd, 2001
Battle Quality: 8/10
Location: Max's Room
Player: Max [0-0-0] Last Appearance: Light Version Battle #3b
SEAN: No need to thank me... The body was starting to smell, anyway.
SEAN: They come and go.. flickering like distant sparks...
SEAN: Lives...
He's dead. He's... really dead. Baxter is dead. I can't believe it, it can't be true, how could this have happened?!
This isn't cool. This is.. ugh.... no...
CHRIS: Max, you couldn't have done anything. None of us could have. There were things we didn't know. Things even the Narrator didn't know...
Do you know what this means!?
MY DAD WILL NEVER LET ME HAVE A SLEEPOVER AGAIN!!!!!
MAX slumped over CHAIR!
CHRIS and SEAN stepped away from DOORWAY(S)!
CHRIS: ...
... Well, you two seem to know a lot about this all of a sudden. What's happened to..... what's really going on?
SEAN: I don't know much more then last time we met. It's only been a few days...
DAYS?! It's been, like, a second!
SEAN: No it hasn't...
CHRIS: Alright, I'll explain. The doorways open to alternate eralities...
I know that.
CHRIS: Yeah, but we didn't know that the second we enter those worlds, will be the second we return, if we're EVER going to return. I came back the second I left because our reality tries to compensate for our leaving, so as to make sure that there's always one 'Chris' in the universe. So the second I was pulled away from the other dimension, this reality brought me back to the same second I left... except now lots of time has passed in the other reality. Like time travel.
SEAN: Hmmm...
CHRIS: So, what I'm saying is, a second or two might have passed here, but I've been in another world for years and years, learning the Narrator's tricks and skills, adapting and... evolving!
CHRIS: I'm guessing Baxter must have died and somehow come back through the portal afterwards. Did he find a Shard so you could send him back, Narrator?
NARRATOR does not KNOW!
NARRATOR only remembers things which have happened in the last TWO battles!
NARRATOR doesn't feel any STRONGER, though, so none of the SHARDs have been found yet! Something ELSE must have sent BAXTER back!
Wait.. battles?
CHRIS: Alright. I was getting to that. The Narrator is sorta weird that way. He views things like ... how to explain it simply... it's like he's a Pokemon Narrator; hence he calls things 'Pokebattles.' It's the way he sees the world, like watching what happens through a periscope.
SEAN: Or tinted sunglasses.
CHRIS: That's also the reason he talks the way he does.. it's normal for him.
CHRIS: As for how the three of us got back here even though none of us got a Shard... ... right...?
SEAN: Yes. I failed.
CHRIS: ...Well, I think I can guess how. You see, this guy who-
Are you done yet?
CHRIS: Huh?
I reaaally need to use the bathroom...
CHRIS: Just use the vortex.
While you two're watching?!
CHRIS: ...
SEAN: ...
CHRIS: *sigh* I forgot that you're still a child.
Am not!
CHRIS: We won't watch.
SEAN: Indeed.
... Weirdos.
MAX used VORTEX!
CHRIS: So, anyway.
SEAN: ... Danger!
CHRIS: Eh?
MAX finished using VORTEX!
VORTEX rippled and started EXPANDING!
Um... yeah, so... this is bad, right?
CHRIS: Yes. I think it's flushing.
SEAN: Flushing?! But if this room is the bowl then...
Curse my bladder.
VORTEX continued EXPANDING!
CHRIS: Don't worry, I'm trained to handle stuff like this! I just have to relax and focus, and I can control it... okay...
SEAN and MAX backed away as VORTEX approached!
CHRIS: ... CHRIS is now NARRATING!
CHRIS attempted to NARRATE!
CHRIS: VORTEX slowed slightly!
It isn't working... Chris, it's not working... Chris?
CHRIS: Quiet... have to concentrate...
CHRIS: CHRIS ... NARRATOR redoubled EFFORTs!
CHRIS... NARRATOR: VORTEX slowed down!
NARRATOR: VORTEX slowed to a halt!
: VORTEX is retreating!
VORTEX returned to its normal SIZE!
...But VORTEX can't shrink any further! CHRIS, are you alright?!
NARRA... CHRIS: I'm... just... fine...
CHRIS: CHRIS fainted!
CHRIS fainted!
Woah! Chris HAS been learning stuff!
SEAN: Danger! Danger!
Would you stop that?! It's getting annoying.
SEAN: You don't understand...
FAN: WHRRRRRRR....
So, the power's back on. What's the big deal? Maybe if we can reach the lightswitch...
SEAN: Max....
FAN is on the other side of VORTEX!
FAN wants to fight!
Huh?!
MAX wants to fight!
I want to fight?
MAX wants to fight!
I want to fight?!
YES, MAX WANTS TO FIGHT!!!
... Okaaay...
FAN sent out FAN!
WOAH! The fan's grown huge!
SEAN: It must be a side effect of Chris using Narrator's powers: the vortex's energy wasn't destroyed, just redirected elsewhere. Into the house's power, thus energizing the fan.
Yeah, possibly, but also take note that not watching TV for so long must have melted your brain.
SEAN: I fail to see how that has any relev... Hey! Why you..
MAX sent out MAX!
Now what...?
MAX must say his attack!
FAN used ACTIVATE!
MAX feels a gentle, cooling BREEZE!
Critical hit!
AAAGHHHHH! THE PAIN!!! THE PAAAAAIIIIIN!
...nggh.. uhhhg... take this!
MAX withdrew MAX!
MAX sent out CHAIR!
.. I don't get it.
Wait, Chris said before he took a nap that this was like Pokemon... Pokemon's stupid, but I know what to do...
Chair!! You're my Pokemon now!!!
MAX used PEACE SIGN and huggled CHAIR!
SEAN: ... Max, that's a chair.
...
MAX put CHAIR down!
SEAN sweatdropped!
.. Okay... go, chair!
CHAIR is already OUT!
FAN tapped its foot IMPATIENTLY!
Foot? Um, anyway, Chair, use Thunderbolt!
CHAIR used THUNDERBOLT!
No effect!
Um? I know! Double Kick!
CHAIR used DOUBLE KICK! Hit twice!
No effect! No effect!
.. Chair... smash?
CHAIR used CHAIR SMASH!
CHAIR smashed itself in the FAN's BLADE!
CHAIR fainted!
Ack! Noo! That's an antique!
FAN is immobilized by SPLINTERs!
YES!
FAN: hrr... grrha... hraargghh.. GHRAHH!
FAN used COUGH!
CHAIR pieces fell into VORTEX and vanished!
FAN: ... Not... good... enough... Max... heeaahaha...
Sean?
SEAN: Yeah?
Remind me never to pee into a swirling vortex of doom again.
SEAN: Noted.
FAN used TURBO POWER!
BREEZE greatly rose!
SEAN and MAX were sent flying into WALL!
AAAHGGH! How about... we not let that thing do that to us again...?
SEAN: Agreed... don't you have anything else to use?!
MAX sent out SEAN!
SEAN: ..! HEY.
Headbutt, now!
SEAN used HEADBUTT!
SEAN headbutted MAX!
arghhh... oww... pain.. hurty... bad...
SEAN: What's the big idea, trying to get me to throw myself into the fan?!
It was just... *pant* a joke... jeez.. *wheeze* what's your head made of, METAL?!
SEAN: Of course not. Now, just let me handle this.
SEAN used BOOMERANG KICK!
SEAN kicked OUTLET, then bounced back to MAX!
..Wow. You and Chris both have such awesome maneuvers now! If only I'd gone through my doorway too...
BAXTER: *attracts more flies*
Alright, I get the point, Narrator.
What?!
FAN is evolving!
SEAN: Danger!
You can be really obnoxious when you try at it, you know.
SEAN: .. Fine, I'll stop.
FAN evolved into...
FAN exploded!
MAX blinked!
EIGHTY TINY FANs appeared! FAN HORDE is at full health!
POWER CORDs waved in the air!
Awww, they're so cute..
FANS: FOOD!
AHHHHH!
FANS: WE WILL FEAST UPON YOU!! BEEHEEHEEHEEHEEE!
That is made infinitely more disturbing by the 'insane howler monkey-esque dracula' voice. And AHHHHH!
FAN HORDE used ENERGY SEARCH!
CORDS flew at SEAN!
SEAN: NO-
CORDS tapped into SEAN!
Dude! That's just disgusting!
SEAN: ... shut... up... I... EEEEEEEYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~~
FAN HORDE used SUCK!
FAN HORDE sucked!
FANS: ....
FAN HORDE sucked MAX and SEAN towards FAN HORDE!
Those little things? Please, they couldn't alter the temperature of a fly....
VORTEX is between WHO MISSED APE YENS and FANS!
....mommy.
SEAN: Y-you... dare... t-t-to use.. me.. TH-THUNDERBOLT!
SEAN used THUNDERBOLT!
Critical hit! x80
It's super effective! x80
FAN HORDE fainted!
SEAN wins!
MAX wins!
CHRIS wins!
SEAN: .. ahhh...
SEAN is in critical condition!
SEAN: it was.. horrible.. having to obey what the fans wished... to give them life.... power.... no better than monstrous leeches.. unn..
SEAN: I feel so drained...
That. Was. A. Close. One. We have to get out of here before we do get sucked up by the Vortex.
SEAN: Yes... to go to... my doorway... we must.. get the... Shard.....
Hmm. How about no. We were too late for Baxter, the three of us are .. well, you could call it safe... but Joe could need our help! We're finding him first. He may be annoying at times, but he doesn't deserve...
MAX looked at BAXTER!
SEAN: ... no... don't understand... we *cough* must... my door first..
Nope, sorry. Baxter's gone, Chris is fainted, and you're nearly fainted. I'm the leader now, and we're going through that door.
SEAN: ...very well....
MAX dragged SEAN and CHRIS to the DOOR(S)!
When this is over, I'm moving into a shack. I'm getting sick of all these doors...
NARRATOR is sure DOOR(S) are equally sick of all these HUMUS ALPINEs constantly going through their dimensional anomalies, taking ADVANTAGE of their properties when they're at their most VULNERABLE!
Leave it to the booming voice to sympathize with a door.
MAX opened DOOR 3!
Oh, the inhumanity!
Shut up.
HOMEYS EYY 'PENDS entered DOOR 3!
MAX vanished!
JOE vanished!
SEAN vanished!
Woahahaoa
SEAN: . . . we're moving.. but to... *cough* where...
Freaky.
LIGHT appeared at end of TUNNEL!
MAX started humming 'HERE WE GO'!
CHRIS, MAX, and SEAN materialized in a SMALL, mostly featureless, rectangular SHRINE made of stone, like a large OUTHOUSE without a DOOR!
Oh good. Finally I can make a decision on what to do without being smashed around for it.
CHRIS, MAX, and SEAN materialized above the FLOOR of the SHRINE THING!
... I'm not following you.
CHRIS, MAX, and SEAN dropped to the STONE FLOOR!
OW!!
CHRIS woke up!
SEAN: ... gwah~
MAX picked himself up!
SEAN looked around!
SHRINE is situated in the middle of a GRASSY FIELD on a steep HILLSIDE! IMPOSSIBLY BLUE, ICE-BESPECKLED MOUNTAINS are visible in the distance, to the NORTHWEST!
TABLET with WRITING and a BAD POEM on it is just to the right of the STEPs leading from the SHRINE down to the FIELD!
Hmmm.
CHRIS: uuungh... I feel awful.... my head... If there's a Webster's dictionary of pain-filled grunts and groans, I think I have a few new entries to add...
CHRIS looked up!
CHRIS: Wh-wha-!!! Where are we?!
CHRIS was BLINDED by SUNLIGHT!
I... don't really know..
MAX walked down a few STEPs and reached GRASSY FIELD OF QUITE FREQUENT RETURN BUT EXTRAORDINARILY RARE VISITATION!
SEAN walked down STEPs!
SEAN tested the THICKNESS of some GRASS!
MAX looked at TABLET!
TABLET: __ __O ______ ___ ____ __ ___ _L_I____ ___ ___LL __ ____W__ __ ____ ____ ___ ______K_
Rest of the MESSAGE has been ERODED away by TIME!
ugh... I'm too bruised for riddles... what about the stupid poem?
TABLET: Oh, would that men could ever fly,
TABLET: I'd surely slice off my wings
TABLET: And dream of an unexplorable sky
TABLET: To be one child amidst ten thousand kings.
Weird..
CHRIS dragged himself down the STEPs!
MAX started humming 'HERE WE GO' again!
SEAN: By... the way, before I forget, that... song is really awful.
Is not!
CHRIS: Actually, it is.
IT'S CATCHY!
CHRIS: So's the flu.
I don't care. Now, it's time... Let's see if we can pull this one thing off-
SEAN fell off CLIFF!
Light Version Battle #6b - The Disastrous Revelation, The Betrayal-To-Be, And Other Happenings - December 2nd, 2001
Battle Quality: 7/10
Location: The Ingrate Below Deck
Player: Sean [4-1-1] Last Appearance: Light Version Battle #14b
SEAN reached CENTRAL ROOM!
HUGE GROWTH of CIRCUITRY covers WALLS, converging on POD-SHAPED VEHICLE!
It must be the time machine! Just like the Jimminy said!
Or MAYBE it is a giant mass of EXPLOSIVES set to go off as soon as SEAN touches anything!
...
... WHAT? NARRATOR is merely EXPLORING every option!
We'll just go with my guess.
Suit YOURSELF!
SEAN approached the SO-CALLED TIME MACHINE!
Do you have any hobbies?
NARRATOR appreciates your HUMOR greatly!
What kind of a hobby is that? 'Liking funny stuff'?
NARRATOR didn't say THAT was his HOBBY!
NARRATOR's HOBBY is making UNDETECTABLE SARCASM!
Now, why don't WE keep TALKing about THIS, SEAN, inSTEAD of continuing to SEARCH for the OMNIMAP?!
It's not like we have a murderous assassin following SEAN's every STEP, who will surely WAKE UP soon and KILL SEAN!
I don't see a door anywhere on this thing... think you could narrate one in?
Too DANGEROUS! NARRATOR doesn't know the TECHNOLOGY and could WRECK something!
Wrecking things with your narration doesn't normally seem to bother you...
... NARRATOR apologizes for the inconvenience of this!
NARRATOR wants HUMUS ALPINES to be freed as much as THEY do! That is why NARRATOR is working to get the SHARDs!
SEAN sighed!
I know, I'm sorry... It's just all this is so hard to believe... Why are you helping us, anyway?
NARRATOR is trapped too!
You are? But where would you-
Perhaps that CONTROL PANEL next to you has a BUTTON to open the DOOR with!
Hm?
... It does look like that...
SEAN pressed a RED BUTTON!
BUTTON started glowing!
No effect!
SEAN stopped and THOUGHT for a minute!
Freaky... this whole ship hasn't really looked futuristic... just... very, very complicated. Impossibly complicated. Then again, what science fiction dictates futuristic to be means nothing.
I wish Baxter was here.
SEAN pressed a RED BUTTON!
BUTTON started glowing!
Sound of AIR releasing somewhere!
Hold on, I think I get it now...
SEAN pressed the BLACK BUTTON!
BUTTON started glowing!
POWER is building...
What happened?!
SEAN must have done something!
MAIN SCREEN turned on!
Woah! Somebody must have set that up to-
!!!
SEAN appeared!
It's me!
SEAN: *breathes heavily*
NARRATOR senses something... strange!
SEAN: Mirror mirror, eh? *static* h-heh, *static* Max's father... didn't get enough.. for *static* it's that *static*
This is neat! My future self... ... he doesn't look too good, actually.
SEAN: Everything is breaking apart.
It is?
SEAN: *shudders violently*
RELAY is one-way! The TRANSMISSION has already happened!... Or has already happened when it will happen... or will happen when it... NARRATOR doesn't understand this at all!
Then quit trying to explain it- Shh, he's talking again.
SEAN: They're coming *static* the destroyers *static* all over *static* they're so cruel *static*
NARRATOR is confused!
It fixed the STATIC in its confusion!
SEAN: Why can't they see that it's right... to be... uhgnn...
SEAN: This is my last stand... too late for Chris, Max, and Joe. If I survive this encounter, I'll send the time machine back *static* for you... me... us... *static* we have to stop the *static* remember *static*
Damn, it's breaking up again! I can hardly hear myself think over that roaring static!
SEAN: *static* never forget the *static* cold *static* you'll have no chance to survive *static* I didn't make it in time... but perhaps you...
The *static* ootsteps are approaching!
Oh no! They are?!
NO! NARRATOR didn't say that!
NARRATOR is confused!
NARRATOR hurt it.. er.. fixed the static again in its confusion!
DOOR opened!
WHAT!!! Is that NARRATOR's future self?!
NARRATOR looks so SUAVE and COOL!... this must be sent from the very NEAR future!
How can you see a Narrator anyway?.. no, forget it. This sounds serious, quit kidding around.
SEAN: .. nooo... it's too early.... I must...
Beam of light filled the room!
SEAN: DAMN YOU, NARRATOR! YOU BETRAYED US ALL IN THE END, YOU ____...!
SEAN's face melted away into pure ENERGY!
SEAN fainted!
SEAN: ... never... forget...
IMAGE flickered!
No way! No!!! I'm going to die!
SCREEN turned off!
. . .
SEAN! It's a LIE! It's a TRICK! Maybe LUNG someho-
You betrayed me?
YOU!?
NO! NARRATOR didn't.. NARRATOR would never hurt SEAN!
Get away from me!!! You're everywhere!! Just leave us all alone! This... this is... I have to tell Max...
SEAN stumbled away!
SHUT UP!!!
... Look, just THINK about this RATIONALLY! Why would NARRATOR hurt SEAN?!
SEAN ran down CORRIDORs!
SEAN!!!
BORGOYLE: GOTCHA! Our journey has reached its ending!
Lung! NOoOo!
BORGOYLE jumped down from CEILING!
BORGOYLE wants to fight!
I... I'm ready...
SEAN wants to fight!
BORGOYLE used SWIPE!
SEAN evaded! SEAN is up against WALL!
BORGOYLE used PIN!
SEAN was pinned by BORGOYLE!
... what?! But you.... you aren't....
BORGOYLE isn't LUNG! BORGOYLE looks GARGOYLE-ESQUE, and is made of SHIFTING, WRITHING dark COILS!
BORGOYLE used TECHNO DRILL!
WHAT ARE YOU DOINNNGGGG-
SEAN used STRUGGLE!
SEAN swatted BORGOYLE away!
BORGOYLE: Oooh, well aren't you strong back in this time?
... You're from the future? What are you, one of the Narrator's servants sent back to destroy me?
NARRATOR doesn't WANT to destroy HAM SANDWHICHES!
That's 'homo sapiens,' jerk.
BORGOYLE: Domestic disputes, eh? Aren't they awful.
Die, Trekkie spawn!
SEAN used HEAVY FIST!
It's not very effective...
BORGOYLE: But not strong enough... You are alllll mine now!
HEEYAAAH!
SEAN used HEADBUTT!
Critical hit!
BORGOYLE landed on WALL and LATCHED THERE with CLAWS!
BORGOYLE: A-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
BORGOYLE's CLAWS cut through CORDS coating WALL!
BORGOYLE: O.O
BORGOYLE landed on its HEAD!
BORGOYLE fainted!
Finish it.
SEAN used UBERPOWERFUL ATTACK OF DEATH!
A.K.A., SEAN stomped on BORGOYLE over and over again!
BORGOYLE died!
I... don't feel well..
SEAN staggered away!
I told you to.. GO!!!
But... SEAN... NARRATOR.. NARRATOR would never..!
SEAN ran away!
SEAN vanished around CORRIDOR!
WHY is everyTHING going to go so WRONG... HOW...
It just CAN'T be true! I would know.... SEAN!!!
NARRATOR followed AFTER!
MINUTEs passed..
NARRATOR found SEAN!
SEAN is hunched over, leaning SEAN's BACK against WALL, panting!
...SEAN?
eh... heh... heh... too late. We're one now. Stupid Narrator.
What have YOU done to SEAN?!
We infected him with the spores of our people! Now he's unwillingly joined us, and will forever be in our grasp.
NO! What ARE you?!
A messenger from the future... and I will spread my glorious message from Sean to the other humans. We will even infect-- nay, absorb you, once we have the power...
NARRATOR swears to stop BORGOYLE LEGACY from infecting anyone else by warning EVERYONE ELSE first! NARRATOR will keep a metaphorical EYE on SEAN!
There's nothing you can do to stop me!!! As if they'd believe an alien force like you over their good friend Sean...
No! BORGOYLE LEGACY has SEAN's BODY, but not HIS MIND! NARRATOR will REMEMBER what BORGOYLE LEGACY does, and PROVE it to WHO MISSED APE YENS!
THE HOMO SAPIENS ARE MINE! GIVE IT UP!!! ... join us. You're like us. You aren't constrained by weak, human flesh.
NARRATOR would rather die.
SEAN ran through PASSAGEs...
What are you DOING?! That's the area where LUNG was defea... Oh CRAP!
Yes, crap indeed. My superior sensors feel it from here; the vast untapped powers of this 'Lung.' My bretheren and I will convert him and others in this pathetic world and become greater and greater until we have the power to enter the mortal world at will... all humans will become electronic organisms and we shall be invincible.
You can't get in our way, you're all bark, no bite.
We know of the way of Narrators... there is one in our time, much stronger then you, and much smarter.
Grr...
SEAN reached LUNG!
NO!
NARRATOR will STOP you!
NARRATOR will find a way!
LUNG: ...
You. Dark silence. You are our second prey in this time.
LUNG shook his/her HEAD!
LUNG: ...
LUNG wants to fight!
SEAN wants to fight!
LUNG used OBSIDIAN STAR!
SEAN used CYBER SMASH!
ATTACKs collided! No damage!
LUNG used WHIRLING STRIKE!
LUNG slipped on WET FLOOR and hit WALL!
SEAN used THUNDER TORNADO!
SEAN tripped on FALLEN STAR and hit FLOOR!
LUNG used CATACLYSM CUT!
It's not very effective...
SEAN used RAPID FIST!
It's not very effective...
This.. is... *pant pant*.. getting... nowhere!
LUNG: ...
Understand that I am not this human. I am a race from the future, sent here to absorb humans like this; but though your power is great, I sense we could never absorb you. We both have the same goals; to control the divided humans. Right?
LUNG: ...