Record:
Webmaster [1-0-0] 1 8 12Taylor
[2-2-1] 2 3 5
9
Scary Man [2-1-0] 4 7 10
Prof Utsugi [0-2-0] 5 11
Sinterklaas [1-0-0] 6
Mrs Mime [2-0-1] 7 13 19
Scribe [2-0-0] 16 18
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Battle #21: Revival
23 October 2002
Player: Scribe
Location: Transparent Version
May I move yet?
..
..
Hello?
NARRATOR says SILENCE!
What?
WEBMASTER is NOT PRESENT!
NO BATTLES can OCCUR!
But... but.. that didn't
stop you last time..
THAT was WEBMASTER, not
WEBMASTER!
The difference?
WEBMASTER is the
ANTROPOMORPHIC FORM of WEBMASTER!
WEBMASTER was WRITING while WEBMASTER was AWAY!
... Right. But why didn't he
write?
WEBMASTER was LAZY
BUSY!
Okay. So can I move then,
now?
NO!
But.. he's writing now,
right?
YES!
So, why can't I move then?
SCRIBE is GLUED to the
GROUND!
How did that happen?
...
SCRIBE is CONFUSED!
No I'm not! You can't think
of an answer, right?
...
GLUE wants to FIGHT!
I see. Go me!
SCRIBE send out SCRIBE!
GLUE send out GLUE!
GLUE used GLUE!
SCRIBE was already GLUED to the GROUND!
Hah! Now, to pull myself
out.
SCRIBE used PULL OUT
SCRIBE pulled a FOOT from the GLUE...
...and got STUCK with a HAND!
Aargh! Let's try that again.
SCRIBE used PULL OUT
SCRIBE pulled another FOOT from the GLUE..
... and got STUCK with the other HAND!
Slapstick, eh?
SCRIBE used SMART COMMENT!
It's not very effective!
Someone here doesn't have
much inspiration.
DOES TOO!
Does not!
DOES TOO!
Does not!
DOES TOO!
Does too!
DOES NOT!
Does too!
DOES NOT!
So why don't you continue,
then.
EEEHMMM...
SOLVENT appeared!
SOLVENT used DISSOLVE!
GLUE got dissolved!
SOLVENT wins!
I'll look at this the
optimistic way - at least I'm no longer stuck.
NARRATOR wonders WHAT SCRIBE
is IMPLYING!
Oh, nothing, nothing.
NOTHING?
Nothing.
REALLY NOTHING?
Really nothing.
REALLY NOTHING EVEN AFTER A
LONG PERIOD OF TORTURE?
Well, perhaps a small bit.
...?
This battle is.. how shall I
put this..?
YES?
Not really going to a
reallygoodfantasticfunclear ending..?
NARRATOR agrees!
DEUS EX MACHINA appeared!
DEUS EX MACHINA cleaned TRANSPARENT VERSION!
DEUS EX MACHINA attempts REVIVE!
TRANSPARENT VERSION is revived!
For how long..?
...
BATTLE ENDED!
But..!
SCRIBE TORTURE started!
BATTLE ENDED!View/Post Comments on this battle
Battle #20: Questions
30 December 2001
Player: Scribe
Location:Yellow Road
NARRATOR and SCRIBE meet!
We do?
NARRATOR and SCRIBE do!
I see. So, is there anything
you wanted to know from me?
NARRATOR wants to KNOW WHO writes the BATTLES?!
I do. See, Notepad is still
helping, and then I use a pencil and keyboard and..
NO!
What?
WHO WRITES the BATTLES?!
I do!
NO!
What?
WHO... MAKES UP these
BATTLES?
Well, for that I have
Frontpage Express. It's just...
NO!
What?
WHO... THINKS UP these
BATTLES?
Ah, that's what you mean.
Why didn't you say so immediately?
NARRATOR sighs.
What?
SCRIBE must ANSWER QUESTION!
Well... It's a good
question. Who thinks up these battles? In normal
versions, this is done by the Webmaster, even though they
tend to appear in these battles themselves as well,
something which is not always true, since the Webmaster
can also be seen in fanfics, or not at all when a site
goes for the more traditional battles, this because it is
also often used to give a quick punchline. However,
because of plot-necessities, the Webmaster of this
version has disappeared. Different versions deal
different with this situation, for example, in Red
Version writing has been taken over by the so-called
Little Red Writinghood. Of course, a Little Red
Writinghood does not apply to Transparent Version, since
the Little Red Writinghood only is for the Red Version.
It might be that we have a Little Transparent
Writinghood, but there has been no evidence - although
some claim this is because they are transparent - the
problem that arises when a Webmaster decides to use
Transparent as the colour for his version. There are, of
course, other possibilities. Writing has been taken over
by a co-webmaster, although this seems unlikely, since
none of this has been announced, and you'd probably would
have noticed. The thing is that, with the very small
clues left around, that the battles may even write
themselves - or that the great power of the Universe
causes them to appear on the webserver. In other words,
there is no writer. Of course, that would imply that they
by-pass me, a fact that seems highly unlikely, since I'm
still named Scribe, and that I still write the battles, a
fact that is very confusing if you're also participating
in it. So, in short, I don't know.
SCRIBE ends SPEECH!
READERS stopped SCROLLING!
That's not fair!
READERS did!
Why did I write that
down...? Did I write that down? Who...?
SCRIBE is confused!
Not hurting myself!
SCRIBE hurts itself in its
confusion!
I didn't write that down!
IT is in the BATTLE!
It shouldn't be!
IT is!
Something is wrong here,
Narrator.
IT is!
Any suggestions?
FIND the WRITER!
And the Webmaster?
THE WRITER might KNOW!
THE WRITER wrote what THE WEBMASTER did.
Good point. But how do I get
to him?
KEEP following the YELLOW
ROAD!
Good one.
SCRIBE followed THE YELLOW
ROAD!
Tralala!
SCRIBE started to SING!
It's very HORRIBLE!
Battle #19: Examinations
23 December 2001
Player and Location: See below
Oooh, sweet Krazil. Now, let's
go and kick that Snowager's private parts!
WEBMASTER is... GONE already!
Now then, back to TORTURING some MAIN CHARACTERS!
Location:Transparent Version
Player: Mrs Mime
MR MIME thawed!
That's MRS Mime to you, Narrator.
NARRATOR asks WHY?
Because I won the rights to
it in battle 13!
MR MIME changed GENDER in a
BAD LUCK BATTLE?!
No. I am, and have always
been, female.
NARRATOR is DISTURBED!
Blame the translators.
MR MIME got renamed MRS MIME
That's better.
NARRATOR feels DISTURBED!
NARRATOR reminds NARRATOR to change the NAMING POLICY for
CHARACTERS!
That's what I thought too.
So, anyway, Narrator, what did you have in mind for me
today.
NARRATOR is BORED!
So?
NARRATOR wants to TORTURE!
Remember who basically won
from the Narrator in Battle 13.
BATTLE 13 was an UNLUCKY
BATTLE!
Not for me.
... and was NARRATED by an
UNLICENSED NARRATOR!
So it'll actually be a
challenge this time?
SILENT!
ASSISTANT appears!
ASSISTANT: Interesting, a female Mr Mime.
MRS MIME!
NARRATOR reminds MRS MIME
that...
... only he may use
all-caps. We know...
So, what now?
ASSISTANT researched MRS
MIME...
Easy win.
... very intimately!
Wow. Hold it. That's enough!
MRS MIME wants to fight!
MRS MIME used SLAP
MRS MIME bitch-slapped ASSISTANT
ASSISTANT continued his RESEARCH!
Hold it right there!
MRS MIME kicked ASSISTANT in
THE SENSITIVE PARTS!
ASSISTANT rolled over the FLOOR.
Men!
MRS MIME acted FEMINISTIC!
Now, let's continue our trek
to... wherever we want to go to!
NARRATOR looked ANGRY at MRS
MIME
Now, now, Narrator, I won.
Thaw my companion, and leave us be!
NARRATOR thawed MR MIME.
MRS MIME and MR MIME walked away.
CHARACTERS these days!
NARRATOR needs to find WEBMASTER to take care of THEM!
Post/View
Comments on this battle
Battle #18: I see Dead Versions...
13 October 2001
Player: Scribe
Location:Transparent Version
Hmmm... do you
think I'd mi
ss a chance to be annoying when I get
it? I'm not leavin
g just black space, it's goin
g to be a bit mo
re of an explanation/introduction-thi
ngie.
So, anyway, we last lef
t Transparent Version and i
ts characters frozen by the Webmas
ter who went away for unknown reason
s. (Well, he gave a weird speech in a stran
ge language, but th
at would be all - S
ign
s of some www.pokebat
tles.nl or the like have not yet been found on the web,
as some
expected.)
With that, the na
rrator assigned to Tra
nsparent Version reappeared, stu
ck in the
traffic as he was, and, as h
e was supposed to do, started narrat
ing.
There, he fou
nd the artificial narrator tha
t had been narrating Transparent Version, an
d had a short battle with it (battle #1
5). After that, he w
ent to th
e b
attle
a
rc
hiv
es, w
here h
e spoke
to Trans
parent Ve
rsion's of
ficial Scri
be, who appa
rently is mig
htier than the
Narrator itself
. (Don't they sa
y the pen is migh
tier than the swor
d?). Then, in Trans
parent Version's fin
al battle, number sev
enteen as it was calle
d, probably because tha
t was the next number, i
f you're wondering, the N
arrator created a new (mai
n-)character, called Naper,
short for Narrator Personifi
cation. Unfortunately, someth
ing went wrong while Naper was
testing his body, and the RSACi
-cloud appeared and unfortunatel
y crashed into the ground as well
. In this fog, the Narrator actual
ly got polite. They ran away, and t
hat is where we left our two... 'her
oes'...
DARKNESS went to
AWAY
FOG went to AWAY
Well, well, it
seems like this hiatus hasn't done this version much
good, now has it?
SCRIBE appeared
I already was here.
I might be omniscribent, but I'm not omniscient.
SCRIBE uses STRANGE
WORDS
For those not as
omniscient as they think they are - I need to be here to
write things down.
NARRATOR feels
INSULTED
I really need to
finish that thesis about the mental age of a standard
narrator.
NARRATOR asks WHY?
Because that will
mean I would be qualified as scribe for some better
version - Ocean or something.
NARRATOR used FEEL
NARRATOR feels INSULTED
Again...?
NARRATOR thinks YOU
are INSULTING
I am just a neutral
scribe...
NARRATOR says IT
hasn't NOTICED.
... when I'm not in
a battle.
Silence...
Let's go on - we've
got a version to save.
NARRATOR agrees!
First, Narrator,
I'm getting sick of those Transparent Walls we've been
having here...
SCRIBE is standing
in a FOREST!
Good... Now, what
about making it a bit more lifely?
Wild BIRDS
appeared!
Yes, good. Now...
BIRDS want to
fight!
Wait a moment...
BIRDS send out
SPARROW
Was that a tupo I
made?
NO! BIRDS send out
a SPARROW, not a SPEAROW
Choose a POKE-BEING to send out.
Alright then. Go,
Notepad!
SCRIBE send out
NOTEPAD
SPARROW used PECK
This is not good
SPARROW pecked out
the last two sentences.
SPARROW used PECK
This is not good
SPARROW pecked out
the last two sentences.
SPARROW used PECK
This is not good
SPARROW pecked out
the last two sentences.
^C
INFINITE LOOP was
CREATED.
Quick! Notepad,
Quit!
NOTEPAD: Do you
wish to save battle018.txt? [Yes] [No] [Cancel]
Yes!
NOTEPAD used SAVE
NOTEPAD saved BATTLE
SPARROW got DELETED
SPARROW fainted
NOTEPAD used EXIT
NOTEPAD exited
NOTEPAD fainted
Now, let's use
Frontpage Express
SCRIBE send out
FRONTPAGE EXPRESS
FRONTPAGE EXPRESS got renamed FE
BIRDS ran away
Why?
SCRIBE hears
RUMBLING
What's that...?
SCRIBE turned
around
What is that?
FE came BUNDLED!
INTERNET EXPLORER appeared!
INTERNET EXPLORER got renamed IE
OUTLOOK EXPRESS appeared!
OUTLOOK EXPRESS got renamed OE
MICROSOFT CHAT appeared!
MICROSOFT CHAT got renamed MC
WINDOWS MEDIA PLAYER appeared!
WINDOWS MEDIA PLAYER got renamed WMP
MSN MESSENGER SERVICE appeared!
MSN MESSENGER SERVICE got renamed MMS
FE, IE OE, MC, WMP and MMS got bundled into the MICROSOFT
RANGERS!
Wow! My heroes!
What will our Webmaster be jealous when he hears about
this.
NARRATOR asks how
WEBMASTER is going to KNOW.
You mean?
NARRATOR reminds
SCRIBE that WEBMASTER has left!
TRANSPARENT VERSION is DEAD!
Ah yes. I suppose
we should fix that, don't we?
NARRATOR agrees!
Let's go search for
him. Frontpage Express, come back!
Well done, FE!
FE was returned to its Pokeball.
FE took the other MICROSOFT RANGERS with him.
Wow! I even caught
the MICROSOFT RANGERS!
SCRIBE took a
VICTORIOUS POSE.
SCRIBE won!
Now, how to get to
the Webmaster...
YELLOW ROAD
appeared.
Not one of the most
subtle solutions..
SCRIBE followed
YELLOW ROAD.
Battle #17: Characters
11 March 2001
Player: Narrator
Location: Transparent Version
NARRATOR floated around
TRANSPARENT VERSION
NARRATOR used SEARCH
NARRATOR searched for USABLE CHARACTER
It failed!
NARRATOR used CREATE
NARRATOR created CHARACTER to SAVE TRANSPARENT VERSION
DOOMPUFF disappeared before being completed
NARRATOR used CREATE
NARRATOR created NEW CHARACTER
NARRATOR pressed RANDOM COMBINATION on KEYBOARD
NARRATOR pressed ALT+225
STRANGE CHARACTER appeared
STRANGE CHARACTER was renamed ß
NARRATOR used BACKSPACE
ß was deleted
NARRATOR used CREATE
NARRATOR created NARRATOR PERSONIFICATION
NARRATOR PERSO-THINGIE was renamed NA-PER
NARRATOR admired NA-PER
(3 hours later)
NARRATOR remembers IT has a JOB to do: to FIND the
WEBMASTER!
Player: Na-Per
Ooh, this body
thing feels good. Now I know why those characters are so
attached to them.
NARRATOR reminds
YOU YOU need to FIND the WEBMASTER
Yes, yes, I know.
Just testing these things they call hands... Amazing
devices, aren't they?
NA-PER tried to
PICK UP... YUCK!
Why doesn't it stay
in this hand thing? And I think I need to find a way to
clean my hand-thing now.
NARRATOR looked
away
Well, I can't help
it that...
RSACi CLOUD
appeared
...this...
RSACi CLOUD
flickers warningly
...mud stays on my
hand
RSACi CLOUD used
CRASH
RSACi CLOUD crashed into the GROUND
RSACi-FOG appeared
Well, well, my good
man, it seems like we could become civilised after all.
NARRATOR agrees
NA-PER sips its TEA
I mean, I can't
even say "something is getting something else in it
by getting air into its lungs"
NARRATOR thinks
THIS does so
I agree. Perhaps we
should get the reproduction out of here...!
NARRATOR wonders
where REPRODUCTION came from.
That doesn't
matter. Go!
NA-PER starts to
RUN
NARRATOR flees
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