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Technical Difficulties
Color key: Game Text / Dialogue
Battle #11: Nightmare Vision August 25, 1999
Setting: Game / Reality
Player: Jake [No Record]
Written by charmy@ist.ca New Author
I'll just relax with some good T.V.
T.V. wants to fight!
Uh-oh..
T.V. sent out Barney!
Go remote!
Use your channel change attack!
Remote's attack missed!
Barney used Stupid Song!
Remote is frozen in fear!
NOOOOOOOOO!
Remote, fight it! Use your Power Button attack!
It's super effective!
Barney fainted!
T.V. sent out Power Rangers!
Those weenies? Remote, use your mute attack!
It's not very effective...
Power Rangers used Laser Gun!
Remote fainted!
Um, Go T.V. guide, use your rating attack!
Power Rangers were given a bad rating!
It's super effective!
Enemy Power Rangers fainted!
T.V. sent out T.V!
T.V. guide, return!
I'll give remote new batteries! Go Remote!
T.V. used Commercial!
It's super effective!
Remote! Fight back with off button!
T.V. Fainted!
Remote gained 4210 exp. points.
Jake wins!
The T.V. won't work anymore!
Eh, I'll just read a book.
Battle #12: The Return of Darth Vader!
September 1, 1999
Setting: Game / Reality
Player: Luke Skywalker [Record: 0-2-0]
Written by Gextwok@aol.com New Author
I can't believe I lost to a Pikachu...
DarkLuke is a bad trainer!
A figure is walking on the horizon!
What's that?
Darth Vader wants to fight!
ARRGGGH!!! Not again!
Darth Vader sent out Trooper!
That's a new one.
Go! Light Saber!
Use Slash, Light Saber!
Light Saber used Slash!
It's not very effective...
Awwww....
Enemy Trooper used Laser Shot!
Critical hit!
Light Saber fainted!
Man, I wanted to get it some experience points!
Light Saber gained 9678 exp. points!
Huh?
Light Saber grew to level 75!
But it lost!
What? Light Saber is evolving!
Hey, this could be interesting...
Light Saber evolved into DeathRay!
Yes!
Now, I choose you, DeathRay!
DarkLuke realizes that Light-er, DeathRay has fainted!
Oh, dang!
I guess I'll use another one!
Go! Han Solo!
Han Solo? I didn't know I had that Pokémon...
Han Solo used DeathRay!
It's super effective!
Trooper fainted!
I think I like this guy...
Darth Vader sent out Darth Vader Jr.!
Wha?
That puny thing! That can't beat Han Solo!
Enemy Darth Vader Jr. used Killing Ray!
Han Solo fainted!
Ooooookay, then.
Go! DarkLuke!
Okay, DarkLuke. Hit it with-
Satellite is falling!
?????
Satellite is falling!
What satellite?
Satellite fell on Darth Vader and Darth Vader Jr.!
Darth Vader Jr. and Darth Vader fainted!
DarkLuke wins!
I WANT TO KNOW WHERE THAT SATELLITE CAME FROM!
Oh well. The important thing is that I WON!
Space Shuttle is falling...
Battle #13: Tech War September 8, 1999
Setting: Game / Reality
Player: Computer [No Record]
Written by suic@ihug.co.nz New Author
Contains Level 1 Language (Mild Expletives)
A boy comes along and turns on the computer.
Computer wants to fight.
Computer sent out Hard Drive.
Boy sent out Boomerang.
Hard Drive use your Install attack.
Boomerang is installed on the hard drive.
Boomerang is fully paralyzed.
Boy withdrew Boomerang.
Boy sent out Computer Game.
Boy: Use your run attack.
Computer game is running away.
Computer withdrew Hard Drive.
Computer sent out Internet.
Internet use your website attack.
Computer Game is stuffed into reading the website.
Boy: Computer Game,What the hell are you doing,attack it.
Boy withdrew Computer Game.
Boy sent out Toy.
Boy: Toy use your play attack.
Toy is playing with Internet.
Computer withdrew Internet.
Computer sent out Computer.
Boy withdrew Toy.
Boy sent out Boy.
Computer use your Virus attack.
Boy is dying.
Boy died.
Computer gained 99999999999999999 exp. points.
Boy's mother appears.
Boy's mother: How dare you kill him.
Boy's Mother wants to fight.
Battle #14: The Man and the Pocket Monster
September 8, 1999
Setting: Game / Reality
Player: Mike Nelson [No Record]
Written by MST3K4ever@aol.com New Author
Contains Level 1 Language (Mild Expletives)
Webmaster's Choice: Award Winning Battle
Readers' Choice: Award Winning Battle
Hello, and welcome to the Satellite of Love. I don't have much time to talk. Let me explain...
MIKE greets audience!
For the past couple 'a days now I've had this weird disembodied voice narrating my entire life. I don't know where it is or where it came from, but it sure is annoying!
MIKE is annoyed!
For instance, whenever I can't understand something, this happens:
MIKE is confused!
It hurt itself in its confusion!
OW!!! See? I can't do anything anymore without slamming my own head into a wall!
MIKE is angry!
Damn right I am! This stupid voice keeps talking and talking...sometimes I even see the words, like when I'm playing my Game Boy...wait, that's it!
MIKE searches for his Game Boy!
This all started the day I...yes, here it is! The Pokémon game!
MIKE found the POKéMON GAME!
The voices started when I first played this game! Ha ha ha!!! Looks like I outsmarted you, Pokémon.
POKéMON: OH REALLY?
I'm gonna return you to the store. Sure, you were fun for awhile, but I value my sanity a little more than some video game.
POKéMON wants to fight!
It does? But how can a game fight me?
POKéMON sent out VENOSAUR!
Yikes! Where did that come from? Looks like I'll need some help from my trusty robots.
GO! CROW!
OK, Crow! Use your punch attack.
CROW used PUNCH!
CROW's arms can't move on their own! PUNCH failed!
VENOSAUR used TACKLE!
It's not very effective...
Phew!!! Crow's sturdy frame sure helped out there. Now, lemme think...what part of Crow can move on its own...I got it!
CROW used BITE!
Critical hit!
VENOSAUR fainted!
POKéMON sent out SHELLDER!
OK, just 149 Pokémon to go...or is it 150? I can't remember if I used that Gameshark code to get Mew or not...hmmm...
MIKE is confused!
It hurt itself in its confusion!
OW!!! Hey Pokémon, could you at least stop calling me "It?" That's kind of disrespectful.
SHELLDER used CLAMP!
CROW fainted!
D' oh! Shouldn't have wasted time talking...Servo, you're up!
Get'm TOM SERVO!
SHELLDER used WITHDRAW!
Got 'em on the run, now what? Um, Servo, use your candy machine attack.
TOM SERVO used CANDY MACHINE PAY DAY!
Hard candy scattered everywhere!
It's super effective!
SHELLDER fainted!
Time to finish this.
MIKE withdrew TOM SERVO!
Go! MIKE!
You an' me, Pokémon! Let's rock!
POKéMON sent out POKéMON!
MIKE used HEADBUTT!
After slamming my head into the walls in confusion the past couple of days, my head's really toughened up.
It's super effective!
Told ya.
POKéMON used TRADE!
POKéMON traded MAGIKARP for MIKE!
Nooooooo...getting sucked in...and getting a crummy Pokémon in return...AAARRGGH!!!
MAGIKARP used SPLASH!
It's super effective!
POKéMON short circuited!
POKéMON fainted!
MAGIKARP wins!
Battle #15: Computer Showdown
September 22, 1999
Setting: Game / Reality
Player: Bob "That Guy" Smith [Record: 1-1-0] Last Battle: Win vs. Pikachu (Battle #10)
Written by suic@ihug.co.nz Author of Tech War (Battle #13)
I'll just turn on the computer and play the Pokémon game I stole.
Windows won't open
Windows wants to fight.
Oh, you want to fight me. Alright then, go Modem.
Windows sent out Internet.
Modem, Disconnect.
It's super effective.
Enemy Internet fainted.
Oooh! I'm going to win.
Enemy Windows withdrew Internet.
Enemy Windows sent out Dial-Up-Networking.
Modem, use your connect attack.
It doesn't effect enemy Dial-Up-Networking.
What!!!!!
Bob withdrew Modem.
Bob sent out Mew.
Mew use your Psychic attack.
1-800-Mind reading for free Mind reading.
Mew use your Psybeam attack.
Enemy Dial-Up-Networking became confused.
It hurt itself in its confusion.
Since when do programs beat themselves up like that?
Enemy Dial-Up-Networking fainted.
Enemy Windows withdrew Dial-Up-Networking.
Enemy Windows sent out Windows.
Bob withdrew Mew.
Bob sent out Bob.
Enemy Windows used Screensaver.
Bob was made into a screensaver.
Ahhhhh! I'm naked.
Bob used mega punch.
Enemy Windows fainted.
Woohoo!I can finally play that Pokémon game I stole.
Pokémon game wants to fight.
Ok, Ok I'll close you down.
Pokémon game is happy.
>> Next Five Battles
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