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Illusions of the Voice
Color key: Game Text / Dialogue
The Weird Voice makes Amanda's life much more difficult.
We now welcome back RainbowEevee@aol.com, a veteran author who has won three awards for her past battles. Once again, this battle features the trainer Amanda, who thus far has gone undefeated. This time, she battles the 'weird voice', a.k.a. the narrator, the Supreme Being , the red text, etc. Has Amanda finally met her match?
Battle #51: The Weird Voice January 26, 2000
Setting: Game 0% / Reality 100% / Anime 0%
Player: Amanda [Record: 3-0-0] Last Battle: Win vs. Pikachu (Battle #31)
Written by RainbowEevee@aol.com
Author of Battle #21: Attack of the Fake Pokégods (Dual Award Winner)
Author of The Attack of the Cheese (Battle #25)
Author of The Poison Ivy Takeover (Battle #29)
Author of Battle #31: Pikachu's Nightmare (Readers' Choice Award Winning Battle)
AMANDA is hungry!
Shut-up you stupid weird voice!
THE WEIRD VOICE is not stupid! THE WEIRD VOICE has to be here!
Oh well! Go away, freaky voice!
THE WEIRD VOICE is angry!
THE WEIRD VOICE wants to fight!
Oh, goody. I was gonna eat something, too.
THE WEIRD VOICE doesn't care!
Well, I do!
AMANDA is a chicken!
No I'm not you stupid voice!
AMANDA used STUPID on THE WEIRD VOICE!
It's not very effective...
Ha ha ha! THE WEIRD VOICE can never be defeated!
I defeated you yesterday! You ran away, so I won!
AMANDA used YOURANAWAY on THE WEIRD VOICE!
Critical Hit!
THE WEIRD VOICE is angry! THE WEIRD VOICE used BLAB!
It's super effective!
AMANDA is annoyed!
Stop it! I know I'm annoyed! Here, I'll put on some ear muffs!
AMANDA used EAR MUFFS!
It's super effective!
THE WEIRD VOICE could not be heard!
THE WEIRD VOICE will linger until AMANDA takes off her EAR MUFFS!
Ugggg... ok, let's call it a draw.
AMANDA used DRAW on THE WEIRD VOICE!
THE WEIRD VOICE agrees!
Will you go away now?
THE WEIRD VOICE floated away to bother DA EVOLUTION MAN!
I'll take off these ear muffs, then.
AMANDA took off EAR MUFFS!
I thought you went away!
THE WEIRD VOICE went away. I am THE STUPID VOICE!
Ooooookay... well, you can go away, too then. Go join the other voice. I'm gonna
watch MTV right now in peace & quiet!
The speakers allowed Shawn to hear the computer's angry voice.
This battle is another take on one of the Blue Version clichés (known as the Blue Cliché Triad: Trees, Star Wars, and Computers - though I should point out that Red Version is guilty of using all three of those as well). This one is based on the computer, and like the other battles before it, a frustrated user (Shawn) battles against the frustrating machine. This time, however, the mouse pad and the printer join the fray.
Battle: 52: Mad Machine January 26, 2000
Setting: Game 20% / Reality 80% / Anime 0%
Player: Shawn [No Record]
Written by jester@bwave.com New Author
Ahhh... Here we go. The Computer, Internet. This is the life.
COMPUTER doesn't want to be used.
WHAT!!!!!!
COMPUTER wants to fight.
This isn't a POKéMON game. Oh ****, now look, It's doing that capital thing!
COMPUTER sent out MOUSE PAD.
Okay, fine. GO! SPEAKERS!
MOUSE PAD used TACKLE!
It has no effect!
SPEAKERS! Use PLAY!
Speakers PLAYED!
It's Super effective!
MOUSE PAD fainted!
COMPUTER used MOUSE!
Go, FOOTBALL!
MOUSE used CLICK!
FOOTBALL! use THROW!
Attack failed!
WHAT!!!
MOUSE Used WRAP!
Figures, FOOTBALL! Use... THROW again!
FOOTBALL uses THROW!
MOUSE uses CORD WHIP!
MOUSE becomes UNPLUGGED!
MOUSE faints!
That's really stupid.
SHAWN thinks that MOUSE's fainting is STUPID!
I hate this COMPUTER.
COMPUTER sends out PRINTER!
PRINTER uses LOADS OF PRINTER PAPER SHOT!
SHAWN is now PAPER CUT!
That dumb black and white PRINTER. Owwww!
It was SUPER EFFECTIVE!
On me yeah. Look I'm BLEEDING!
SHAWN CONSIDERS!
SHAWN goes into KITCHEN! He gets a KNIFE!
That's IT! I'm now really P.O.ed.
SHAWN is P.O.ed!
That is really ANNOYING!
I'm going to use AIR GUST!
SHAWN stabs FOOTBALL with KNIFE!
FOOTBALL uses AIR GUST!
PRINTER FAINTED!
SHAWN WINS!
YEESSS! Now can I use the COM, ::ahem:: puter. Thank you.
COMPUTER uses ERROR!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
ERROR 789: General Default. Buy Jumbohard's DOOR 2000 to fix it.
WAIT A MINUTE! You want me to buy a whole new software program costing over 200 POKéDOLLARS!
Pokédollars?
SHAWN SCREECHES!
END
No one can escape the wrath of the Weird Voice.
This battle, which under normal circumstances wouldn't have been published for several more months, features a kitten battling Mew (though it's a short lived fight). It also gives us a frightening glimpse into a future where Ash and Misty are married. (As Pokégirl would say… "OH DEAR LORD!") Notice how the short publication delay makes it obvious where this author's inspiration came from. If you recall, last week's Battle #51 was entitled "The Weird Voice". See anything similar to that here? I also like the reference to the "Elite Five" - apparently Ash is among them now.
Battle #53: Cat Fight February 2, 2000
Setting: Game 40% / Reality 20% / Anime 40%
Player: Kitten [No Record]
Written by FroTorG079@aol.com New Author
KITTEN comes home.
Hey, Mom, where's Dad?
MISTY says ASH is at INDIGO PLATEAU attending an ELITE FIVE meeting.
Mom, he's been gone for a week already. When's he comin' back?
MISTY says in another week and asks why.
I found this weird cat in the brush. I had Gumdrop cut it out.
GUMDROP extends CLAWS.
MEW MEWS.
Oh, it's a Mew. Thanks, Weird Voice, now shut up.
Anyway, Mom, can I keep it?
MISTY says MEW looks vaguely familiar, but can't remember why.
I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP, WEIRD VOICE!
I did SHUT UP. I SHUT all the UPSTAIRS DOORS.
Aw, phooey! Anyway, Mom, can I keep it?
MISTY says to never use HM's like CUT on CATS like GUMDROP, only on POKéMON.
I said, can I keep it?
MISTY says yes.
MEW wants to fight!
Hey!
KITTEN sends out GUMDROP!
GUMDROP uses CUT!
MEW is still standing...
Ha! Eat this!
GUMDROP uses SUGAR COATING!
MEW is STICKY!
MEW can't move!
MEW fainted!
YES! Mom, can I have a PokéBall?
MISTY throws PokéBall!
KITTEN caught MEW!
All right! Thanks Mom!
What? GUMDROP is EVOLVING!
Into what...?
Emperor Sloth's apparent death was nothing more than an illusion.
This battle wouldn't have seen the light of day for a long time had it not been for the loss of the Blue Version battles… this week we are treated to a hilarious battle written by TomBoy802@aol.com, the familiar author of many award-winning battles. In her e-mail, she said this of her use of Emperor Sloth: "Give me some time and I'll think up original characters!! *sob*") This coming the creator of the TREE - the tree being one of the most popular trainers ever created. At any rate, this battle is awesome - I know because as I've mentioned before, it's rare that I laugh aloud while reading a battle (unless it's Aqua Version) and this one succeeded with flying colors.
Battle #54: Emperor Sloth meets Blue Version
February 2, 2000
Setting: Game 100% / Reality 0% / Anime 0%
Player: Emperor Sloth [No Record]
Written by TomBoy802@aol.com
Readers' Choice: Award Winning Battle
Webmaster's Choice: Award Winning Battle
Author of Battle #1: Tree Time (Webmaster's Choice Award Winning Battle)
Author of Man with Hook?! (Battle #6)
Author of Battle #10: Showdown! (Readers' Choice Award Winning Battle)
Author of Battle #28: First Ever! (Readers' Choice Award Winning Battle)
Author of Battle #30: Particular Spray (Webmaster's Choice Award Winning Battle)
Author of Face Off (Battle #35)
Ah, what a fine day to take a walk.
EMPERORSLOTH is DEAD!
Well, how can I talk?
...
Well?!
EMPERORSLOTH is in a state of SUSPENDED ANIMATION!
Well, I'm breaking out right now! Random-attack-that-doesn't-really-exist!
EMPERORSLOTH used FLAMING GUNS OF MAXIMUM DEATH POWER!
EMPERORSLOTH breaks FREE!
That does nicely. I'll have to remember that the next time I try to take over
the world.
But what's this?? This isn't the normal world... It's a new world... I believe it is called Blue Version!
But is it?
EMPERORSLOTH is CONFUSED
Argh! No!
EMPERORSLOTH got hurt in its confusion!
Yeow.
Anyway, I'll get about to conquer the world.
enemy Da Evolution Man appeared!
Ah, a chance to catch him once again.
DA EVOLUTION MAN: What are you talking about? I've never seen you in my life!
What do you mean? I captured you!
DA EVOLUTION MAN: Look, I'm going to have to force you to move if you don't.
Fine, thief balls-
DAREALDAEVOLUTIONMAN appeared!
... long name.
DAEVOLUTIONMAN: yep.
DAREALDAEVOLUTIONMAN: I thought I'd just come back to blue vers...HOLY COW
HOW'D YOU GET BACK TO LIFE?!
I wasn't dead.
I was in a state of suspended animation.
DAREALDAEVOLUTIONMAN: I'll set my name shorter.
DAREALDAEVOLUTIONMAN changed name to EVOLUMAN!
How'd you do that?
EVOLUMAN: It's blue version. What do you expect?
Anyway, I want to fight!
Hey, why can't I start fights?
EMPERORSLOTH is CONFUSED!
Argh! No! Not again!
EMPERORSLOTH hurt itself in its confusion!
EVOLUMAN: It's blue version.
EVOLUMAN wants to FIGHT!
Fine, let me have a look see at what Pokémon I can use...
Ah, here's one! Go, Mewtwo!
EMPERORSLOTH sent out MEWTWO!
EVOLUMAN: uh oh.
EVOLUMAN: will you help me?
DAEVOLUTIONMAN: I have no choice. But first, let me shorten my name, too.
DAEVOLOUTIONMAN changed name to EVELMAN!
EVOLUMAN sent out VENONAT!
EVELMAN sent out VENONAT!
You are just simply bugs under my foot. I will win!
Mewtwo, psychic, twice!
MEWTWO used PSYCHIC!
VENONAT fainted!
EVOLUMAN: Nooooo!
EVELMAN: alright, I'll use-
MEWTWO used PSYCHIC!
VENONAT fainted!
EVELMAN: WHAT?! I didn't even get to attack!
Do not underestimate my powers.
Mewtwo, return!
Mewtwo, good! Come back!
*inside Emperor Sloth's mind* I'll take over blue version! Yes! Then I'll
truly be the strongest! Then, I'll take over Red! HAHAHA!
EVELMAN: what do we do?
EVOLUMAN: I don't know, it looks like Emperor Sloth is making a sinister
plan...
EMPERORSLOTH is rubbing hands TOGETHER!
Alright, prepare to be mine!
Thief balls, GO!
EVELMAN & EVOLUMAN: uh oh...
EVELMAN was caught!
EVOLUMAN was caught!
Hahaha! I'm so evil!
Wait... I didn't know I had thief balls...
EMPERORSLOTH is confused!
D'oh!
EMPERORSLOTH hurt itself in its confusion!
Oh well, I won.
Mew's Mirage attack can create convincing illusions.
This battle is a well-done blend of the three settings in which the trainer, Erica Lujano, tries to use Team Rocket as a Pokémon. As you might expect, Team Rocket immediately says their motto (this is the first time the motto's been in a Poké Battle, though it is shortened slightly). In this case, the motto does quite a bit of damage.
Battle #55: UIL Fight! February 9, 2000
Setting: Game 40% / Reality 30% / Anime 30%
Player: Erica Lujano [No Record]
Written by cronofrogmarle@hotmail.com New Author
ERICALUJANO WINS THE UIL SCHOLARSHIP!
Yay! I won! I won!
KRYSTALGIBBENS IS MAD!
KRYSTALGIBBONS WANTS TO FIGHT!
Okay! Um, what do I do?
KRYSTALGIBBENS SENT OUT KINDYWALKER!
Oh. All right, go MOUSE!
MOUSE REFUSED!
Okay, go JESSIE/JAMES!
ERICALUJANO SENDS OUT JESSIE/JAMES!
KINDYWALKER USED ???????!
JESSIE/JAMES ISN'T AFFECTED!
JESSIE/JAMES! Use MOTTO!
JESSIE/JAMES USED MOTTO!
PREPARE FOR TROUBLE!
KINDYWALKER IS ANNOYED!
ATTACK CONTINUED!
AND MAKE THAT DOUBLE!
KINDYWALKER STARTED LAUGHING!
TO PROTECT THE WORLD FROM DEVASTATION!
KINDYWALKER IS LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY!
TO UNITE ALL PEOPLE WITHIN OUR NATION!
KINDYWALKER IS HAVING CONVULSIONS!
JESSIE!
KINDYWALKER IS ON THE VERGE OF DYING OF LAUGHTER!
JAMES!
KINDYWALKER IS TURNING BLUE...
TEAMROCKET, BLAST OUT AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT!
KINDYWALKER HAS ONE hp!
SURRENDER NOW, OR PREPARE TO FIGHT!
KRYSTALGIBBENS USED HYPERPOTION!
WILD MEOWTH APPEARED!
MEOWTH! THAT'S RIGHT!
KINDYWALKER FAINTED!
USE NEXT POKéMON?
KRYSTAL GIBBENS SENT OUT DEATH!
Oh-no! Go, LIFE!
ERICALUJANO SENT OUT LIFE! (The cereal.)
ERICALUJANO AND KRYSTALGIBBENS WILL BE BACK!
KRYSTAL WANTS TO RESUME FIGHTING!
Oh, all right. Go, Mew!
MEW, ATTACK!
POKéDEX REPORT*:MEW, THE MIRAGE POKéMON. IT USES ITS PSY POWER TO CREATE ILLUSIONS. IT CAN, WITH THE MIRAGE POWER UNIQUE TO IT, CREATE PICTURES THAT HYPNOTIZE THE ENEMY POKéMON. ATTACKS: PSYBEAM, PSYCHIC, MIRAGE.
KRYSTAL SENT OUT POISONLESS BEEDRILL!
Mew, use MIRAGE!
MEW USED MIRAGE!
POISONLESS BEEDRILL SAW A FEMALE POISONLESS BEEDRILL!
POISONLESS BEEDRILL WAS PARALYZED AND ENTRANCED!
All, right, Mew. Use-
MEW HAS LEARNED GIVE POISON!
Okay, use GIVE POISON!
POISONLESS BEDRILL IS NOW BEEDRILL!
Mew, psychic attack!
MEW USED PSYCHIC!
BEEDRILL LOST POISON AND FAINTED!
KRYSTAL IS ABOUT TO USE KRYSTAL!
WILL YOU CHANGE POKéMON?
Yes! Mew, return! Go, ERICA!
KRYSTAL SENT OUT KRYSTAL!
GET'M, ERICA!
Come on! You sound like a cowboy!
REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED TO LUKE SKYWALKER WHEN HE INSULTED ME?
Oh, yeah. Sorry! Oh, by the way, what are my attacks?
HAIRCURL, COSMETICS, I WON THE UIL CONTEST
AND YOU DIDN'T.
All right, HAIRCURL!
ERICA USED HAIRCURL!
KRYSTAL'S HAIR GREW A FOOT IN LENGTH AND CURLED!
ITS SPEED GREATLY FELL!
All right! COSMETICS!
KRYSTAL USED STRAIGHT A!
KRYSTAL GOT STRAIGHT A'S!
ITS SPEED, SPECIAL, ATTACK, AND DEFENSE GREATLY FELL!
What? Okay, I WON THE UIL CONTEST AND YOU DIDN'T!
ERICA USED I WON THE UIL CONTEST AND YOU DIDN'T!
CRITICAL HIT!
IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE!
KRYSTAL FAINTED!
WRITER USED TWIST OF FATE!
ERICA LOST TO KRYSTAL!
WHAT!!!! THE INJUSTICE! AAAAAHHHHH!
ERICA RAN AWAY!
I did not!
YES YOU DID!
I did no such thing!
OH, YES YOU DID!
Oh, no I didn't.
QUIT ARGUING! THAT'S LUKE'S ATTACK!
I don't care. I didn't run! I'm just moving around the track at high
speed!
HAH! SO YOU ADMIT IT!
What?
ANNOUNCER: AND ERICA WINS AGAINST TRACKSTAR!
TRACKSTAR WANTS TO FIGHT!
Oh, no. Not again. Okay, this time I'm really running. Bye!
TRACKSTAR FOLLOWED!
AAAAHHHH! AUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH! HHHHHHEEEEEEELLLLLLLPPPPPPP MMMMMMEEEEEEEE!
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