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>>> Battles 101-105
>>> Battles 106-110
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>>> Battles 116-120
>>> Battles 121-125
>>> Battles 126-130
>>> Battles 131-135
>>> Battles 136-140
>>> Battles 141-145
>>> Battles 146-150
>>> Battles 151-155
>>> Battles 156-160
>> MIDI Music
Battles 111-115.
... this is definitely exactly what would happen under the conditions.
Everything is off the rails and I have no idea what I'm doing.
Also half of this probably won't make sense unless you know Evangelion and I am (not) sorry. I couldn't resist.
SEELE-01: Such as the apparent disappearance of the Third Child. Your son?
SEELE-03: And the reports that your Major Katsuragi received information pertaining to his disappearance at the crash site from the First Child?
SEELE-03: Information involving an unidentified man in a flying car?
The Third's failure to arrive has proven irrelevant. We have still been able to operate Unit 1.
SEELE-01: Despite that, we've become aware of rumors that Unit 1 was defeated in its first battle against the Third Angel.
SEELE-01: And that Third Impact was only averted by the abrupt emergence of an unidentified entity from Terminal Dogma.
And regardless, the Third Angel was defeated, along with the Fourth and Fifth.
SEELE-04: Only after both had some time to wander all over Japan.
SEELE-02: And the Fifth Angel was apparently defeated by the JSSDF, using an experimental military robot and positron weapon.
The defeat of the Angels by the Evangelion units specifically was never a requirement for it. Only their defeat.
SEELE-01: Let it be remembered that lying to this committee is punishable by death.
SEELE-01: ... and one way or another, you're definitely lying about something here.
For one practical example: I want to fight.
Go, me.
GENDO wants to fight!
GENDO sent out GENDO!
SEELE-01: ???
SEELE-02: ???
SEELE-03: ???
...Etc.!
Enemy SEELE is confused!
It hurt itself in its confusion!
SEELE-04: What trickery is this, Gendo!?
GENDO used GENDO POSE SMIRK!
It's super effective!
We're now in a 'battle'. The remoteness of your physical locations is no longer a significant factor.
SEELE-05: Cut the link!
Enemy SEELE used CUT LINK!
LINK's HEARTS fell!
It doesn't affect GENDO!
Where the world of reason ends and puns and wordplay have more power than the Fruit of Knowledge or even the Fruit of Life.
It's terrifying, isn't it?
SEELE-01: ... okay, let's calm down here...
SEELE-01: You've made your point, Gendo. We'll increase your funding and overlook this...
We both know I'd planned to backstab you after the Angels were defeated.
So ... that's not happening.
And since you haven't sent anything out...
GENDO used ULTRA BALL!
Contratulations! Enemy SEELE was caught!
... SOUND ONLY MONOLITHS and all!
GENDO won!
FUYUTSUKI: We've won, then.
If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.
I can't write Shinji and I should probably have realized that before giving him a significant role.
An old PokéBattles writing standby is in use here, though. When in doubt, escalate.
HIBER used STARE!
It's super intimidating!
SHINJI's MORALE fell!
Anyway, why are you here?
SHINJI: ... M-Mr. Kamina left me here...
I mean why to me... I have a battle to write...
Couldn't he take you Doomguy? Or to see Jane? Or...
The heck does he know that I don't... Never mind.
Anyway, aren't you even going to ask questio-- no, you're not, you don't... Never mind.
Did Kamina tell you why he left you here?
SHINJI: ... uh... something about my future ...
SHINJI: I ... would've seen my father.
And then you'd have had to fight more giant monsters until eventually all your friends would've died and an ancient conspiracy would've tried to break your spirit completely in an effort to put their minds into the giant human robot god thing and be immortal.
All in all, real bad times.
Oh, and the reason you were piloting was because you wanted your father's praise. Uhh... I recommend against wanting that, he's got his own hedgehog dilemma going on.
SHINJI: ... hedgehog? ...
Because they've got spines all over their backs, so if they approach wrong they tend to prick each other.
And there's a way around that. Both hedgehogs have to expose their underbellies at the same time, then they can get up close to each other.
And make a Double Sonic Ball of Speed.
SHINJI: ... I ... what? That doesn't make any sense...
It's a metaphor for how, if a bunch of people grapple each other and voluntarily fail their grapple checks while using the movement action, they can become a Grapple Ball of Speed...
... no, I mean yes it could be, but it's really about how to understand other people, you have to accept them first. Let down your AT-field or your barriers and become vulnerable, even if you risk getting hurt.
So uh. With that said, uhhh...
I'm Hiber, I created this universe and instantiated you here.
Here's my weak point.
SHINJI: ... uh, hi ...
Just as you are is fine. Self-acceptance is the first step.
Anyway I'm fairly sure I know where Kamina went and it's back to Second Impact. You wanna come with?
SHINJI: ... uhh ... O...kay?...
HIBER used TIME WARP!
HIBER did the TIME WARP again!
Location:
LAVOS appeared!
Enemy ADAM used SECOND IMPACT!
Enemy LAVOS used DAY OF LAVOS!
Forces collide!
It's apocalyptically spectacular!
KAMINA: Oi oi oi oi oi!
KAMINA: I, Team Gurren's tenacious oni leader...
KAMINA used DRAMATIC SPEECH!
It doesn't affect enemy ADAM!
It doesn't affect enemy LAVOS!
Enemy ADAM used ANTI-AT FIELD!
Enemy LAVOS used DESTRUCTION RAINS FROM THE HEAVENS!
Forces collide!
AT FIELD of DESTRUCTION RAINing FROM HEAVENS was fully neutralized!
What? DESTRUCTION RAIN is devolving!
Congratulations! DESTRUCTION RAIN devolved into TANG RAIN!
IRON MASK used IRON UMBRELLA!
HIBER used SHIVER!
IRON MASK: As much as there is of getting you to give me that three-pix.
IRON MASK: Not in 1999. Here, your powers are weak, and you having that crutch instead of your creativity means I have the advantage.
IRON MASK wants to fight!
IRON MASK sent out IRON MASK!
HIBER sent out CARP!
Enemy IRON MASK used 1,000 CUTS!
What? CARP is devolving!
Congratulations! Your CARP devolved into SASHIMI!
...Needless to say, SASHIMI fainted!
IRON MASK: You can't defeat me anymore, creator.
IRON MASK: Give it up, and I'll make it a little quicker.
Send out which POKéMON?
HIBER sent out UHHHH!
Enemy IRON MASK used HORIZON CUT!
UHHHH was renamed unnnn!
No!
... Yes!
It's legal in nicknames!
Needless to say, unnnn was fully unnnndone!
unnnn fainted!
Send out which POKéMON?
HIBER sent out SHOOT!
Enemy IRON MASK used GRASSCUTTER!
What? SHOOT is devolving!
Congratulations! Your SHOOT devolved into SHOOT SALAD!
Needless to say, SHOOT SALAD fainted!
HIBER was dragged out!
HIBER used APOCALYPTIC FLAME!
Enemy IRON MASK used CREATIVITY WARD!
Enemy IRON MASK protected itself!
IRON MASK: Just hand over the smaller fox and it'll all be over.
Enemy IRON MASK used 10,000 CUTS!
HIBER went to pieces!
HIBER used REGENERATE!
HIBER instantly regenerated!
IRON MASK: But I can hurt you, which is almost as good from my perspective. Enemy IRON MASK used ACUPUNCTURE PINPOINT STAB!
Hit 361 times!
HIBER was paralyzed! It may not attack!
IRON MASK: And now, to make off with your crutch--
Ally SHINJI used BLOODCURDLING SCREAM!
Enemy IRON MASK's BLOOD was fully CURDLED!
Enemy IRON MASK was paralyzed! It may not attack!
Enemy IRON MASK was badly poisoned!
LOBER: By your powers combined, I am Lober!
Ally LOBER used BLIZZARD!
BLIZZARD ENTERTAINMENT appeared!
...along with MASSIVE ARMY OF ORCS!
Oh well, even she can't get through that many...
LOBER: I was actually going for that sweet sweet Gen1-JP 30% freeze chance but this works.
LOBER: I mean!
LOBER: By your powers combined, I am Lober!
IRON MASK: ... Right, I'm not winning right now.
IRON MASK: This won't be the last you see of me. Bye.
IRON MASK used SMOKE BOMB!
IRON MASK ran away!
Was a plot by Iron Mask to bait em into 1999 to kill me?
That wasn't even a little bit foreshadowed. Is she writing this herself with my stolen creativity?
NARRATOR doesn't know!
ENTIRE CT CAST appeared!
LUCCA: Sorry it took so long! We had to take three trips!
ENTIRE CT CAST used 3D ATTACK! ARC IMPULSE! DELTA FORCE! DELTA STORM! FINAL KICK! FIRE ZONE! GATLINGKICK! TRIPLE RAID! TWISTER! POYOZODANCE! SPIN STRIKE! GRAND DREAM! DARKETERNAL! OMEGA FLARE!
Enemy ADAM died!
Enemy LAVOS died!
LUCCA: It's our seventh New Game+...
If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.
A battle I'm happy with. Also, one that doesn't have me in it and doesn't have to do with the .. very strange crossover clusterfudge I've been focusing on lately.
NAHMAN: We need heroes! NAHMAN: Must form Club of Vengeance.
NAHMAN: So, you join!
NAHMAN: ...three days...
NAHMAN: But we need to make Club of Vengeance because--
HM05 ran away!
But what could that obvious villain with all the skulls on him have wanted with keeping me in a ball for nine months...
50MH: It was me, Larry.
50MH appeared!
50MH: I, 50MH, the living time paradox, made it so that you'd experience the full nine months in the Ball while Nineties-Anti-Hero Man only experienced a few days.
50MH: Because, Larry, I'm here to ruin your life.
50MH: Do you remember when your hamster got out of its cage while you were in elementary school?
50MH: ... It was me, Barry. I let your hamster out of its cage.
50MH: And they weren't lying. I watched everything.
50MH: It had a most incredible journey involving crossing three state lines, and wound up on the country's foremost pet hamster farm.
50MH: But you learned from your friends that 'gone to live on a farm' was a euphemism for dying, and so it was dead in your eyes, and you suffered all the more for it.
50MH: But that's not all, Larry.
50MH: When you went to high school prom.
50MH: I was the one who replaced the cake with carrot cake!
50MH: And that is exactly what I am! Muahahahaha!
HM05 wants to fight!
HM05 sent out HM05!
HM05 used SPEEDRUN!
HM05 SPEEDRAN defeating enemy 50HM by RUNning at high SPEED!
...at least, NARRATOR assumes, based on PINK SMOKE where 50MH was!
50MH: You can't kill me, Larry. I'm a living paradox.
Enemy 50MH's TIME PARADOX!
Enemy 50MH appeared!
50MH: I tried to replicate the experiment that gave you your speed powers. But I had the polarities reversed.
50MH: Now, I'm the fastest man alive at running backwards!
50MH: Oh and also I accidentally ran over my own grandfather or something because I can't see over my shoulder very well when I'm doing that.
Enemy 50MH used BACKDASH!
Enemy 50MH DASHed BACKWARD! ...at 50 M/H!
50 MILES per HOUR! With NONSTANDARD NOTATION!
But how do I beat this guy...
Speed thinking!
HM05 used SPEED THINKING!
HM05 calculated 50 MILLION SOLUTIONS to 50HM in 0.001 seconds!
... All of them were wrong!
50HM: No, it can't, Larry.
50HM: Because I was the one who made sure your toys all had lead paint!
Enemy 50HM used PARADOX!
Enemy 50HM is a PARADOX!
Enemy 50HM developed a 5THEDITION to SPEEDSTER: THE QUICKENING!
It's super divisive!
It's not very original...
That conflicts with like three decades of lore!
50HM: To ruin your life. Yours personally - because I knew it would moderately offend and irritate you.
50HM: And now I'm going to go ruin your life some more. Ciao!
50MH ran BACKWARD into TIME GATE!
50MH ran away!
ROGUE DOOMPUFF appeared!
ROGUE DOOMPUFF used DEVOUR!
50MH was MESSILY DEVOURed!
50MH's TIME PARADOX!
It doesn't affect enemy ROGUE DOOMPUFF!
50MH died!
If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.
Very short battle today due to time pressure. Amazingly, there weren't any typos...
Wild COYOTE appeared!
Oh ham, that's a scruffy looking doggo.
Wild COYOTE used LEER!
Wild COYOTE is LEERing at HAMSTER like a PIECE OF STEAK!
I ated a bobcat once.
HAMSTER used INTIMIDATE!
It's not very effective...
Enemy COYOTE used COYEET!
HAMSTER was COYATE!
COYOTE: Bow bow awooo yap yap woof!?
Wild COYOTE used COYEET, not COYEAT!
COYOTE: ARF ARF ARF
It isn't NARRATOR's fault that Wild COYOTE can't spell!
Nor is it NARRATOR's fault that Wild COYOTE skimped on EATING MOVES!
COYOTE: grrrr...
NO!
But HAMSTER can move!
HAMSTER used HAMSCOPE!
HAMSTER SCOPEd out enemy COYOTE's weak points!
... and shot it with a HAM!
Critical hit!
It's not very effective...
Enemy COYOTE is eating!
HAMSTER used SAFARI BALL!
Congratulations! Wild COYOTE was caught!
If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.
... I am not as happy with this battle as with the last one, but the plot thickens nonetheless...
NERV used ACTIVATE!
Enemy EVA-03 woke up!
MONITOR: Plug depth over 100! Risk of contamination has exceeded critical levels!
MONITOR3: No good! High energy reaction within the body!
What? Enemy EVA-03 is evolving!
Congratulations! Enemy EVA-03 evolved into BARDIEL!
Enemy BARDIEL used EXPLOSION!
MISATO fainted!
Go! EVA-01!
SHINJI: But... That's an Eva... Isn't Asuka still inside?
Enemy BARDIEL used OMINOUS WALK FORWARD!
EVA-01 flinched!
Enemy BARDIEL used ROLLING KICK!
EVA-01 flinched!
Enemy BARDIEL used BIND!
EVA-01 can't move!
Enemy BARDIEL's attack continues!
SHINJI: Asuka's in there!
SHINJI: But I can't kill someone!
TERRA: ... okay so I was gonna just sneak in and catch Lilith, but like, I can hear your radios an...
Trace that voice at once!
TERRA: So let me get this straight, there's someone inside the enemy thing, and the pilot won't fight it because of that...
TERRA: But like, you're all gonna die anyway if he doesn't?
TERRA: Meaning that the only way there's even a shot at saving the person is if he fights?
TERRA: And he's not doing it because ... why? There's nothing but sunk costs here.
SHINJI: ...
AOBA: Unknown signal originating within Central Dogma! They're right here!
TERRA: No big deal. Your pathetic human weapons can't stop me anyway.
TERRA: Anyway, I'll just be on my--
SHINJI: ...
SHINJI: AAAAAAAAAAA
EVA-01 used FLIP OUT!
It's super effective!
HIBER used SELF-INDULGENT WRITING!
It's not very effective...
TERRA appeared!
TERRA: I have captured two Liliths and they've both been the wrong one.
TERRA: What gives?! I need the Demon Lord of Lust.
More importantly, how did you even get there...
TERRA: Oh, that's easy, Ryoga's started a transportation service.
TERRA: Works great, tends to come with complimentary mismatched socks for some reason.
TERRA: Hey, Ryoga!
RYOUGA HIBIKI appeared!
TERRA: Take me anywhere but where Asmodeus is.
RYOUGA HIBIKI ran away!
TERRA ran away!
Well, I guess that's everything...
...wait, did we even have a batt--
BATTLE ended with a whimper!
If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.