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This is where official battles go. New battles below, newest first. Archived battles on the left, recent battles below.

<< Older | 166 | 167 | 168 | 169

Laaaate.

Battle 169: Goose Cabal 3/20/2024
Location: Goose Cabal
Player: Goose [0-1-0] Last Battle: Loss vs. The Wartortle (#168)

HONK!
GOOSE CABAL: HONK!
The turtles of the pond attack us! HONK!
GOOSE CABAL: The turtles of the pond attack us! HONK!
The squirrels of the trees steal our eggs! HONK!
GOOSE CABAL: The squirrels of the trees steal our eggs! HONK!
The humans of the pond dare to withhold our bread! HONK!
GOOSE CABAL: The humans of the pond dare to withhold our bread! HONK!
And the ducks of the pond simply think they are better than us! HONK!
GOOSE CABAL: And the ducks of the pond simply thiink they are better than us! HONK!
HONK! HONK! To war!
GOOSE CABAL: HONK! HONK! To war!

Location: Park
Player: Duck Man [No Record]

DUCK MAN used LETTUCE THROW!
Ally DUCK FLOCK's HP rose!
What a relaxing day in the park.
Enemy GOOSE CABAL appeared!
... that is a lot of geese.
Enemy GOOSE CABAL wants to fight!
Enemy GOOSE CABAL sent out Enemy GOOSE CABAL!
Go! Ally DUCK FLOCK!
... I don't want to send them out though. This looks dangerous.
But they're not mine I guess, so go me I guess.
Enemy GOOSE CABAL used GAGGLE!
Enemy GOOSE CABAL's NOISE greatly rose!
Enemy GOOSE CABAL: Give us the bread, bread man! HONK!
Ally DUCK FLOCK used FLOCK!
Ally DUCK FLOCK FLOCKed together!
Ally DUCK FLOCK's DEFENSE rose!
... they want the bread. Don't they know that's poisonous?
No!
Fine, me, use Lettuce Throw.
DUCK MAN used LETTUCE THROW!
Ally DUCK FLOCK's HP rose!
It doesn't affect enemy GOOSE CABAL!
Enemy GOOSE CABAL used WEDGE!
Enemy GOOSE CABAL formed FLYING WEDGE and charged!
Ally DUCK FLOCK's COHESIVENESS greatly fell!
Ally DUCK FLOCK used QUACK!
Nothing happened!
Enemy GOOSE CABAL: Give us the bread, bread man. Or you will be next. HONK!
... sigh. Guess it can't be helped. Duck, duck goose.
DUCK MAN used DUCK DUCK GOOSE!
What? Enemy GOOSE CABAL is evolving!
Congratulations! Enemy GOOSE CABAL evolved into DUCK CABAL!
Ally DUCK FLOCK used DUCK!
Ally DUCK FLOCK ducked!
Enemy DUCK CABAL didn't!
Wild WRECKING BALL used LOW SWING!
(Enemy DUCK CABAL:)
It's super effective!
Enemy DUCK CABAL fainted!
(Ally DUCK FLOCK:)
Wild WRECKING BALL's attack missed!
Congratulations! DUCK MAN and ally DUCK FLOCK won!

If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.

Part 2. The Commuter honked too much and evolved into a goose. Now, The Wartortle has to deal with the consequences.

Battle 168: Attack of the Goose 3/6/2024
Location: Dendy's Drive-Thru
Player: The Wartortle [1-1-1] Last Battle: Draw vs. Goose (#167)

What? COMMUTER is evolving! Congratulations! COMMUTER evolved into Enemy GOOSE!
It attacked in a grumpy rage!
Go
Enemy GOOSE sent out CAR!
Blastoise
Get'm! Blastoise!
Blastoise
Enemy CAR used HORN ATTACK!
use
It's super loud!
Body
BLASTOISE's HEARING greatly fell!
Slam
BLASTOISE used instead, BODY SCRATCH!
...
Enemy CAR's PAINT JOB greatly fell!
Blastoise
Enemy CAR used ROLLOUT!
use
What? Enemy CAR is evolving!
Hydro
Congratulations! Enemy CAR evolved into AUTOBOT!
Pump
BLASTOISE used instead, HYGRO THUMP!
Enemy AUTOBOT became damp!
Blastoise
Enemy AUTOBOT's ELECTRICAL INTEGRITY greatly fell!
use --
Enemy AUTOBOT caught fire!
... well
Enemy AUTOBOT exploded!
that's
Enemy AUTOBOT fainted!
what
Enemy GOOSE's RAGE is building!
you
Enemy GOOSE's ATTACK greatly rose!
get
Enemy GOOSE sent out Enemy GOOSE!
for
Enemy GOOSE used RAGE!
buying
BLASTOISE fainted!
eXdiXon.
Send out which POKéMON?
Lanturn.
The enemy's a berserk waterfoul! Get'm LANTURN!
Enemy GOOSE is angry!
Why?
Enemy GOOSE wants to know how LANTURN is in DENDY'S PARKING LOT!
Stadium.
Enemy GOOSEE is angry!
Lanturn
Enemy GOOSE's RAGE is building!
use
Enemy GOOSE's ATTACK greatly rose!
Thunderbolt
LANTURN used THUNDERBOLT!
Quad
It's super effective!
Damage
Enemy GOOSE fainted!
and
Congratulations! WARTORTLE won!
good
...
planning.

If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.

The Wartortle, for the record - his superpower is that the is the slowest man alive. Even supervillains get fast food from time to time.

Battle 167: Slow Food 2/20/2024
Location: Dendy's
Player: The Wartortle [1-1-0] Last Battle: Loss vs. Dr. Wily (T4R1)

WARTORTLE appeared!
WARTORTLE used DRIVE UP!
ATTENDANT: Welcome to Dendy's, can I take your order?
I
...
would
ATTENDANT: ...
like
Enemy COMMUTER: ...
to
Wild BIRD: ...
order
FFWEBMASTER: ...
a
ATTENDANT: ... Sir?
Dendwich
ATTENDANT: One dendwich, and
Combo.
ATTENDANT: ... Yes sir, one dendburger combo. Would you like to dendrosize that?
ATTENDANT used UPSELL!
No.
It's not very effective...
Thank.
...
You.
ATTENDANT: That'll be $35.35 at the second window, thank you for visiting Dendy's.
WARTORTLE used DRIVE FORWARD SLOWLY!
Enemy COMMUTER used HONK!
It's not very effective...
I
WINDOW used OPEN!
am
ATTENDANT: ... sir?
driving
Enemy COMMUTER used HONK!
to
It's not very effective... the
Enemy COMMUTER's attack continues!
window
WARTORTLE used PAY!
WARTORTLE paid $35.35!
Enemy COMMUTER used HONK!
ATTENDANT: Here's your order sir, enjoy the rest of your day.
WARTORTLE found SANDWICH!
This
Enemy COMMUTER used HONK!
Dendwich
Enemy COMMUTER's attack continues!
is
What? Enemy COMMUNER is evolving!
soggy.
Congratulations! Enemy COMMUTER evolved into GOOSE!
I
Enemy GOOSE attacked in a grumpy rage!
want
TO BE CONTINUED
a
...
new
... BATTLE is OVER!
one.
...
ATTENDANT: We hope to see you again!

If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.

When in doubt, throw another exceedingly shallow comic book superhero parody at it.

Battle 166: Vaporware Battle 2/6/2025
Setting: Comics 50% / Lighting Tech 50%
Player: Sodium Vapor Lamp [No Record]

In darkest day, I bring the light,
And so with me the brightest night.
From June to May, I give clear sight,
No shadow shall outfight my fight!
SVLAMP used GLOW!
It's super yellow!
By the power of yellow, I shall bring justice and mediocre lighting to a city plagued by evil!
MOBSTER appeared!
Ah, villain!
SVLAMP wants to fight!
SVLAMP used YELLOW!
Enemy MOBSTER became YELLOW!
Enemy MOBSTER ran away!
In brightest night.
MVLAMP appeared!
Oh no! My old enemy, Mercury Vapor Lamp, of the Mercury Lamp Brigade!
MVLAMP used GLOW!
It's super green!
Curses! The power of green! My only weakness!
SVLAMP flinched!
Enemy MVLAMP used MERCURY POISON!
SVLAMP was poisoned!
But Mercury is in retrograde!
... but MERCURY was in RETROGRADE!
SVLAMP was fully healed!
The forbidden power of astrology.
Me, use Product Placement!
SVLAMP used PRODUCT PLACEMENT!
POKéMON S/V VERSIONS! Get it today!
SVLAMP's MONEY greatly rose!
And now..
Wait.
They've paid me in ... Greenbacks!
What? Ally MONEY was renamed GREENBACKS!
Grrrreeeen! My only weakness!
It's super effective!
Critical hit!
SVLAMP fainted. Use next POKéMON?

If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.

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