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This is where official battles go. New battles below, newest first. Archived battles on the left, recent battles below.

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The relationship between Sam Excavator and Stan Escalator is as of yet unrevealed! But the latter seems to have made slightly better of himself. Fighting Gerry.

Battle 29: Laws and Disorder 12/2/2021
Setting: Game 50% / Reality 50%
Player: Stan Escalator, Public Legislator [no record]

GERRY wants to fight!
Ah, my old nemesis... Gerry.
Let me show you a bill I've introduced lately!
Go! BILL!
Enemy GERRY sent out COMMITTEE!
Bill, use your Bill attack!
BILL used BILL!
BILL drew two cards from the deck.
BILL drew CREDIT CARD!
BILL drew GIFT CARD!
Enemy COMMITTEE used KILL!
It's super effective!
Critical hit!
BILL died!
KILL BILL VOLUME 1&2! Available at VIDEO STORE near YOU, TODAY!
Death by committee, what a terrible way for a bill to go.
Though that gives me an idea...
Go, Corruption Charges!
Go! CORCHARGES!
You see - this gift card is evidence of undocumented transfer of finances!
This is illegal! You'll be charged!
CORCHARGES used CHARGE!
CORCHARGES's taking in power!
Enemy COMMITTEE ran away scared!
Knew it. Of course they would be, Gerry.
Enemy GERRY is angry!
Enemy GERRY sent out GERRYMANDER!
What on earth is that.
STANESC used GOOGLE POKéDEX!
GOOGLE POKéDEX: GERRYMANDER, the Electoral Boundary Manipulation Pokémon. This Pokémon is known to remake electoral boundaries in its own image. Known moves are PACK, CRACK, HIJACK, and KIDNAP.
That's gotta be illegal.
Corruption Charges, use Charge!
CORCHARGES used CHARGE!
Not enough EVIDENCE for CHARGE!
It doesn't affect enemy GERRYMANDER!
Oh, shoot. If only I had a fast-talking gumshoe on my side I might be able to dig some of that up...
Enemy GERRYMANDER used PACK!
Enemy GERRYMANDER stuffed CORCHARGES into SUITCASE!
Critical hit!
CORCHARGES fainted!
What part of 'do not fold, bend, spindle or mutilate' do you not understand?
What? Enemy GERRYMANDER is evolving!
Enemy GERRYMANDER evolved into GERRYMELEON!
Oh, heckle.
Right, go Legislateon!
GO! LEGISLATEON!
Enemy GERRY is confused!
It hurt itself in its confusion!
Enemy GERRY used GOOGLE POKéDEX!
GOOGLE POKéDEX: LEGISLATEON, the Lawmaking Pokémon. This Pokémon evolves from EEVEE when exposed to a POLITICAL STONE.
Coulda told you that. Legislateon, use Filibuster!
LEGISLATEON used FILIBUSTER!
FILLET was fully BUSTED!
Enemy GERRYMELEON is bored!
Enemy GERRYMELEON fell asleep!
Attaboy!
Enemy GERRYMELEON woke up!
Oh, at least we're not using Gen 2 rules.
Legislateon, Sand-Attack!
LEGISLATEON used SAND ATTACK!
SAND attacked enemy GERRYMELEON!
It's super abrasive!
Yeeeowch.
Enemy GERRYMELEON used KIDNAP!
Nearby BABY GOATS fell asleep!
It doesn't affect LEGISLATEON!
All right! Legislateon, finish it off with the Double-Edged Sword of Justice!
LEGISLATEON used DOUBLE EDGE!
DOUBLE appeared!
DOUBLE is EDGY!
DOUBLE mauled enemy GERRYMELEON into GROUND HAMBURGER!
Enemy GERRYMELEON fainted!
Enemy GERRY is terrified!
Enemy GERRY ran away!
That's right, you unsavory character, run!
Now, who's this ominous purple man.
DOUBLE wants to maul!
Oh, shoot, time to get out of here.
STANESC withdrew LEGISLATEON!
STANESC used ESCAPE!
STANESC ran away!

If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.

This battle was written in a hurry over this week after I decided the Thanksgiving-themed battle I'd been working on wasn't up to snuff. Back to basics stuff here.

Battle 28: Unexpected Badge Battle 11/25/2021
Setting: Game 100% / Reality 0%
Player: Kate Rainer, Ace Trainer [no record]

Wild VULPIX appeared!
All right! Now's my chance to catch a Vulpix! Go-go-go, Nidoran!
KATE sent out NIDORAN♂!
Okay, Nidoran, use your Horn Hazard attack!
NIDORAN♂ used HORN HAZARD!
NIDORAN♂'s HORN is HAZARDOUS!
Right.
Wild VULPIX used CONFUSE RAY!
LOUD SHOUTS of CONFUSION and PAIN come from DISTANCE!
It doesn't affect NIDORAN♂!
Don't worry about it, Nidoran, it's Ray! We'll check up on him after this.
If Horn Hazard doesn't work, try Poison Sting!
NIDORAN♂ used POISON STING!
STING was POISONED!
...But nothing happened here!
It doesn't affect enemy VULPIX!
Ah, shoot, I had tickets to that concert!
Wild VULPIX used ACME BADGE!
...What?
Wild VULPIX used MAGNET SEED!
Magnetic birdseed scattered everywhere!
What's that supposed to do... Never mind.
Nidoran, use Fury Attack!
NIDORAN♂ used FURY ATTACK!
NIDORAN♂ is FURIOUS that VULPIX tried the old MAGNET SEED GAMBIT on it!
NIDORAN♂ attacked!
NIDORAN♂ slipped on the MAGNET SEED!
Oh shoot.
Wild VULPIX used ANVIL DROP!
Critical hit!
NIDORAN♂ fainted!
Okay, what kind of Vulpix has a gym badge, anyway?
VULPIX is CHAMPION of TOURNAMENT #2!
I've got to have it. Go, Nidoran!
KATE sent out NIDORAN♀!
Nidoran use Double Kick!
NIDORAN♀ used DOUBLE KICK!
DOUBLE was KICKED into enemy VULPIX!
DOUBLE bounced off and fell in CONVENIENT DOUBLE SHAPED HOLE!
Who on earth was that ball man.
Wild VULPIX is angry!
Wild VULPIX used QUICK ATTACK!
Wild VULPIX attacked quickly!
Wild VULPIX stepped on NIDORAN♂'s HORN HAZARD in its quickness!
Critical hit!
Enemy VULPIX is in critical condition!
Yes! Pokéball, go!
KATE used POKé BALL!
KATE's attack missed!
Oh, shoot.
Wild VULPIX used PYROMANIA BADGE!
Wild VULPIX used BURN EVERYTHING!
EVERYTHING caught fire!

Setting: On Fire 100%

Holy carp.
Okay. But. What kind of Vulpix has two Badges and this much fire???
VULPIX is also CHAMPION of TOURNAMENT #1!
NIDORAN♀ was hurt by FIRE!
KATE was hurt by FIRE!
OW
... Hurrying up! KATE used ULTRA BALL!
A critical hit!
Wild VULPIX is resisting!
3.
2.
1.
Congratulations! Wild VULPIX was caught!
Yes! Wonderful!
KATE took damage from FIRE!
OW
NIDORAN♀ ran away!
KATE ran away!
KATE won!

If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.

This battle mostly exists because I'm trying to set up story and lore stuff. We'll see how that turns out later.

Battle 27: Forest of Doom 11/18/2021
Setting: Forest of Doom
Player: Jane F. Deer [4-0-1] Last Battle: Draw vs. Amazdrone (Battle #18)

Whew, I think we finally made it somewhere those drones don't deliver to...
PIRATE used SHIVER!
TIMBERS were fully SHIVERED!
What's got you so worried?
PIRATE points to MT. WINTER!
PIRATE says he feels DAVY JONES' LOCKER here!
But we're nowhere near the ocean...
JANE is correct!
PIRATE is also correct!
FLYING DUTCHMAN appeared!
...G-g-g-g-ghost ship!!
FLYING DUTCHMAN used FLY!
FLYING DUTCHMAN flew into MT. WINTER!
PIRATE says FLYING DUTCHMAN must have been FULL!
PIRATE says you were both lucky.
Okay so will someone please tell me why the literally god-damned Flying Dutchman was flying over this forest!?
ROCKET EXECUTIVE appeared!
ROCKET EXECUTIVE: That's because that mountain has the way in it to the Land of the Dead.
ROCKET EXECUTIVE: Why did you think it was called the Forest of Doom?
... 'Cause of all the trees.
ROCKET EXECUTIVE: ... Fair.
TREE wants to fight!
TREE wants to fight!
TREE wants to fight!
Enemy TREE sent out LEAF!
Enemy TREE sent out APPLE!
Enemy TREE sent out COCONUT!
ROCKET EXECUTIVE sent out LEVELLER!
Wait, like the one from Fern Gu--

Time: Twelve seconds later

Enemy TREE died!
Enemy TREE fainted!
What? Enemy TREE is evolving!
Enemy TREE evolved into LUMBER!
Enemy LUMBER blacked out!
Whew, that was fast...
So uh... Why do you wanna go there.
ROCKET EXECUTIVE says that's a secret!
Okay, well does it have anything to do with butting into people's privacy or annoying them with advertising or spam or something like that?
ROCKET EXECUTIVE: No. We do plan to take over the world.
Ah, well, no skin off my back then, carry on. Probably better that way anyway.
ROCKET EXECUTIVE agrees!
Battle ended in a draw!

If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.

Garry Kasparov was the world's greatest chess player from 1984 to 2005, and was a major character in PokéBattles: Red Version. This Kasparov may or may not be the Kasparov of Red Version depending on several factors as yet unsealed, though as of writing it is intended to be. Inspiration for certain aspects of this battle is from a video that's floating around the internet.

Battle 26: Checkmate 2021 11/11/2021
Setting: Reality 50% / PokéBattles 30% / / Internet 20%
Player: Garry Kasparov [no record]

I hear someone dares to challenge me?
CHESSBOARD wants to fight!
You're joking.
... No, you're completely serious. This seems... Oddly familiar.
Enemy CHESSBOARD sent out PAWN!
Ohhhh, yes, this game again. Well, since I know very well you have no respect for the rules anyway, I'm going to open with my rook.
KASPAROV sent out ROOK!
Enemy PAWN used POUND!
It's not very effective...
Rook, use Skull Bash.
ROOK used SKULL BASH!
It's super effective!
Critical hit!
Enemy PAWN fainted!
You know, a few years back, all that blood probably would've surprised me. No more.
Enemy CHESSBOARD sent out QUEEN!
Enemy QUEEN used ROOK SMASH!
ROOK was fully SMASHED!
ROOK fainted!
This is still the worst way to play chess.
But an old dog can learn new tricks, you know.
Go, Knight!
Go! KNIGHT!
Knight, use Conglomerate!
KNIGHT used ... CONGLOMERATE?
Watch and learn.
KASPAROV's PAWNs were fully conglomerated!
What? KNIGHT is evolving!
KNIGHT evolved into MEGACHESSATRON!
The wonders you can do with a little glue and an utter disregard for sanity...
Enemy QUEEN used SMASH!
It's not very effective...
Megachessatron, use your Chess Blaster.
MEGACHESSATRON used CHESS BLASTER!
Enemy QUEEN was fully blasted!
Enemy QUEEN fainted!
Enemy KING was fully blasted!
Enemy KING fainted!
Enemy CHESSBOARD was fully blasted!
Enemy CHESSBOARD fainted!
Now that's checkmate, PokéBattles style... You know, I think after all this time I'm finally getting the hang of this.
KASPAROV won!

If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.

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